


A Traveller in Middle-earth

by Cassunjey



Series: A Traveller in Middle-earth [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Triangles, Miscarriage, Modern Girl in Middle Earth, Slow Burn, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 66
Words: 216,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23953840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassunjey/pseuds/Cassunjey
Summary: In danger and injured Vanessa slips between worlds. Against his better judgement a reluctant Thorin allows her to join the Company:"I’ve heard tales, they surface every now and again, of travellers. Folk who fall between worlds, in times of great need.”"I don’t believe I need a ‘Traveller’ to reclaim my kingdom.”“I didn’t say that the need was yours, Thorin Oakenshield.”Lots of fluff, lots of angst and the occasional bit of smut.
Relationships: Fíli & Kíli (Tolkien), Fíli (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s), Kíli (Tolkien)/Original Female Character(s)
Series: A Traveller in Middle-earth [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928956
Comments: 146
Kudos: 198





	1. A flash of light

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not claim any of the original Tolkien characters or dialogue.
> 
> Edited November 2020 to fix dialogue punctuation errors. Should hopefully read a bit smoother now.
> 
> (Also added a few additional lines here and there.)

It was the flick of a lighter that woke her. Some instinct warning her to keep her eyes closed and her breathing even whilst the exhale of cigarette smoke curled about her face.

“You shouldn’t have hit her so hard, Matt.”

Laughter, a voice she recognised.

"Well, she shouldn’t have tried to take my head off then, should she? Relax, she’s going nowhere, have another beer.”

Footsteps moving away. With head and heart pounding she lay perfectly still, too frightened to move. Her arms twisted painfully behind her, were they tied? Everything felt wrong, and everything hurt. A light breeze moved her hair, she could smell trees, forest. So she was outside, could she run?

Taking a shallow breath she opened her eyes and the world swam slowly and sickeningly into focus. Or almost focus, she felt like her eyes weren't working properly. 

It would be a lot better once she was upright, she told herself, and much further away.

She gave herself a moment to take stock on her surroundings. Gravel pressed hard under her cheek, her boots lay discarded nearby and most importantly of all just metres away were trees and darkness and safety. The smell of exhaust fumes and the throb of music drifted across to her, loud voices closeby but not too close.

She could make it, just get on her feet and run hell for leather until she was safe. As long as her legs worked. She gave her toes an experimental wriggle. Time to go.

Then she saw him, watching her.

He moved as she did, adrenaline got her past the treeline before he slammed into her. They rolled and he pinned her roughly to the ground, her arms crushed underneath them.

“I’m sorry, Vanessa.”

“James, get her back here.”

Running footsteps. She slammed her head into his, forehead to nose, the pain almost blinding her, then put all she had into a clumsy knee to her former best friend's groin. It was enough, he grunted in pain and released her.

She scooted backwards and scrambled to her feet fighting the urge to be sick as Matt and another man she vaguely recognised burst through the trees.

“James you useless piece of...grab her!”

They were a step behind her, she imagined she felt fingertips brush her hair as she ran. But even barefoot and disorientated she was faster, gaining ground with every stride heedless of direction or the brambles and tree branches that tried to snare her as she pushed herself forward.

The forest was dark but not dark enough to hide her tracks, and too quiet to mask the noise she was making. She needed a plan, somewhere to hide, rest.

Lungs burning she raced on, hoping to perhaps find somewhere to wriggle into. She’d be trapped but she was smaller than they were, perhaps she could get further than they could reach. And she could kick them in the face if they got too close. She smiled grimly, some facekicking was definitely due. Just a pity her boots were lying back at the road.

She heard a shout, too close, and risked a glance behind her. As if the forest had waited for the opportunity her ankle was snagged by a tree root and she stumbled. With hands bound she could do little to stop herself falling and she twisted to land shoulder first in an attempt to protect her head. The impact taking her breath away.

As she lay momentarily stunned she felt the ground begin to slide away beneath her. Panicked she scrabbled to get a purchase with her feet but to no avail and then she was falling faster and faster in a noisy tumble of bracken and leaves down a steep slope. A bright flash of light lit up the forest and she heard a howl of triumph as her pursuers caught sight of her.

* * *

Kili lifted his head from his fletching as a flash of light lit up the forest.

“That’s strange, it didn’t feel like there was a storm coming. Could you hurry it up a bit, Fee? I'd like to arrive whilst there's something left to eat, and if possible before we get soaked to the skin.”

“Patience, brother. I’m nearly finished and a little rain won’t hurt you.”

“If you’d packed a bit lighter perhaps you wouldn’t have to repair your pack straps. Maybe, if you ask very nicely, Master Boggins will let you leave some things at his home for safekeeping.”

“Again, it's Baggins. And you'll appreciate my packing when-"

A crash from the side of the trail had them both on their feet with weapons ready. Fili nodded to his brother and moved forward cautiously, Kili covering him with his bow. A small figure emerged from the trees, wavering unsteadily on her feet. She fell to her knees as her voice carried to them.

“Help me, please help me.”

* * *

Vanessa was lost, blinded by the light as she slid down the hill and landed in a painful tangle. With after images flashing in her eyes she forced herself to her feet and stumbled on. Through the trees she heard voices and headed towards them, she needed help and could only hope they weren’t part of the group tracking her. Maybe they’d have a car, take her to a hospital or police station or somewhere. Anywhere.

As she reached the treeline she could see a path and two figures. They swam in and out of focus. No car. Despairing she felt the last of her strength leave her and fell to her knees.

“Help me, please help me.”

Head bowed she waited as they came closer slowly.

“Please. They’re going to hurt me, please.”

* * *

Kili exchanged a glance with his brother.

“I’ll take a look," said Fili. "Stay here with her.”

With that he moved quietly into the trees. Kili lowered his bow and stepped forward towards the kneeling girl. She was swaying slowly, obviously exhausted and in pain. Her feet and bare legs a mess of scratches, mud and blood. He realised her hands were tied and frowned.

“Can you hear me? I’m going to untie your hands. I’m not going to hurt you.”

She snuffled a bit, he couldn’t make out any words, but he thought she’d understood.

Setting his bow in easy reach he crouched to undo the knots binding her wrists. They were tight and her wrists were raw, her hands purpling. He hissed to himself and drew a knife to cut her free as she turned her head towards him.

Surprised he was knocked slightly off balance as she slammed into him and scrambled to her feet. Staggering away from him she stood swaying and angry.

He held his hands up and let her go. “I'm sorry, I was just... Look, I’ll put it away.”

“Don’t come any closer.”

He watched as she crouched and attempted to step over her bound wrists. Wobbling and breathing hard she managed to get one foot over then the other. She stayed in a crouch.

“Throw it over.”

“Look, you can't-"

“Throw it.”

Kili lobbed the small knife carefully over towards her feet, it didn’t seem worth the argument. He heard Fili returning and lifted his bow in readiness as the girl attempted to pick up the blade with fingers that wouldn’t work. He kept an eye on her, hoping she wouldn't cut a finger off.

Fili stepped onto the path, swords sheathed, he shook his head. “Nothing, there’s no-one nearby.”

The girl’s head snapped up at his voice. “Did you see them? I need to go, now. You should go too, there's three of them. They're dangerous. Can someone help me? My hands. I can’t.”

She gestured uselessly at the knife and pushed herself to her feet.

Fili walked over to her, gently taking a hold of her bound arms.

“This is going to hurt when the blood returns to your hands.” Fili warned as he pulled a knife from his belt and slid it carefully into the ropes.

“I’ve checked your trail, there’s no-one following you, and I looped around our position to be sure. I don’t know what’s happened but you're safe now.” He kicked Kili's knife back towards him.

“I don’t understand.” As the ropes parted she whimpered in pain.

Fili chafed her wrists briskly and ducked his head to make eye contact with her. “I followed your trail, it ends not far from here. It’s like you appeared out of the air.”

He glanced over at Kili. “It’s very odd.”

“I don’t think we should leave her here.”

“I agree." Fili spoke to the girl, "We'll take you with us, but first let’s get you something to drink and have a look at those feet.”

Fili led her over to a boulder and pushed her gently down onto it, Kili fetched the waterskins and handed one to the girl and one to Fili.

“Have a look through my pack and find something to cover her and something to bind her feet, and socks.”

Kili nodded at his brother and looked at the girl. "Do you think you can walk?" he asked her.

When she didn't respond he looked at her feet and at the path doubtfully and added. "It’s not too far to the Shire.”

She was staring at the waterskin like she had never seen one before. Kili took it from her, removed the stopper and handed it back. “Drink, just little sips.”

* * *

Vanessa was confused, she seemed to have lost her pursuers but she couldn’t understand how and not knowing when they would appear down the forest path made her feel nauseous. They had definitely seen her fall, they must have been looking for a way down. She needed to get further away, fast.

Everything hurt and her head really did not feel right at all. The dark haired stranger, she couldn’t remember if she'd heard a name, handed her what looked like a waterskin. She stared at it, who still used these things?

He took it from her, opened it with a few words she didn't catch and handed it back before turning away.

She sniffed suspiciously, it smelt mainly like leather. She dipped a finger into the liquid and sniffed again. Maybe water, but then it could be drugged. She glanced between her two possible rescuers, they were dressed very strangely and was that a sword? Were they hunters? Cosplaying hunters?

The blond one was watching her. He tugged the waterskin from her hands and took a long pull, shook it at her and said something she couldn’t quite make out. His accent was heavy, she couldn’t place it and the rushing in her ears was making hearing difficult.

Vanessa accepted the water back and took a sip. Since it looked like her choices were limited she'd little option but to trust this pair for now.

She suddenly realised how thirsty she was and took a proper drink, then another. The blond one made a sharp noise and pulled the waterskin out of her hands just as the water came back up.

He patted her shoulder and made soothing noises as she retched, nothing but water and stomach acid. She couldn’t remember when she'd eaten last. Vanessa felt a flutter of panic as she tried to think back to what she could remember. She stared at her wrist, a stamp partially visible under the rope marks and dirt.

A light tap on her shoulder pulled her back. He handed her the skin to rinse her month and she sat head bowed and embarrassed as he used the other to rinse her legs and feet. 

I'll work it out later, she thought trying not to move as he touched her legs. One thing at a time. Concentrate on not throwing up on him when he's trying to help.

* * *

Fili patted her shoulder awkwardly and waited for her to finish retching. He heard Kili ripping cloth to make bindings and wondered absently what his brother had chosen to pull apart. He'd better not be using his good shirt.

He rinsed her legs and wiped them down quickly with his hand, apologising as she tensed at the contact. As gently as he could he turned her away from the soiled ground. Kili offered him the bindings and he used one to carefully wipe the worst of the muck from her feet.

They were a bloody and torn mess but he cleaned them as best he could and pulled thick socks on over the top of his work. It would have to do. They would just have to see how she fared on the forest paths. 

He was more concerned about her head. She flinched away with a hiss as he attempted to lift a matted section of her hair to take a closer look. Fili decided to leave it, the blood looked to have clotted so there was little he could do anyway. She needed Oin.

Kili nudged him and handed over a tunic. Fili shook it out and held it for the girl. Obediently she lifted her arms and he pulled it gently over her head and helped her into it, averting his eyes and being very careful with his hands. 

“Right then. Let’s see if you can walk for a bit or if we'll have to carry you the whole way. Either way I want you to stay awake for me, do you understand? It's very important."

That might have been too much for her, he thought, as she stared back at him blankly. He tried again.

"My name is Fili." He smiled and patted his chest. "Fili" He repeated and pointed. "And Kili."

Kili shouldered his pack and bow and brought Fili's pack across to them. 

Fili pointed to the girl and gestured down the path. “We will go." He moved away and indicated to her to follow, thankfully she seemed to understand and levering herself upright hobbled forward.

Kili took her elbow for support and although she jolted a little she didn’t shake him off.

Fili felt something dig into his back as he swung his heavy pack on. “You didn’t do your best work repacking this for me brother.”

Kili grinned across at him and then smiled down at the girl limping beside him. “Let’s go find some dinner and some ale, aye? That'll make you feel right as rain.”


	2. Welcome to Bag End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili arrive at Bag End and we meet some of the rest of the Company.

Kili was pleased to see the welcoming hobbit hole set above the lane, warm light spilling from the windows. He was sure he could hear voices he recognised.

Fili held the gate open for him as he carried the girl up the steps to the round green door. Behind him he heard his brother latch the gate and a little off balance he knocked the door with his boot, perhaps a bit more roughly than he had intended.

The girl had done well for a while, although it had been slow going. But then she'd been sick again and although they’d given her a drink and a rest it seemed she could go no further.

Ignoring her protesting and her hands pushing at him Kili had picked her up and carried her across the Shire lands. Darkness had fallen and the paths had been quiet and easy. They had tried to keep her awake but despite their best efforts she had fallen asleep or unconscious, he wasn’t sure which.

The door opened slowly and there stood the hobbit, looking a bit stunned.

“Fili." His brother announced.

Kili shifted the girl's weight slightly. “And Kili," he added, “at your service.”

They bowed, he as much as he could with the girl, she must be unconscious to not have woken up by now he thought, in his arms. “You must be Mr Boggins.” Kili made to step forward as the hobbit started to close the door.

“Nope, not today, you...” The hobbit stopped and stared at the girl. “No, I mean, come in, come in. Is she? Do you-?”

Balin appeared from the corridor, smiling at them. He stopped with his arms wide. “Welcome, lads! Oh, who’s this?"

“She found us on the path. She’s injured.” Kili shifted her weight again and addressed the hobbit. "Mr Boggins, is there somewhere we can take her?”

“It's Baggins," the hobbit said, a little distractedly, "Bilbo Baggins, at your service of course. But you can call me Bilbo."

Fili grinned and mouthed a triumphant 'I told you so' over Bilbo's shoulder. Kili glowered back at him. 

Bilbo looked up and took a hurried little step away. 

"Sorry." Kili smiled and Bilbo tentatively smiled back. "I was just-"

"Of course, it's fine. Follow me.” Bilbo pushed open a door off the hall, a neat and tidy room. “This was my mother’s, it was a lovely view of the garden.”

Kili smiled gratefully at Bilbo. “I’m sure she'll appreciate it when she wakes up.” He carried the girl into the room and laid her down carefully on the bed, still no movement. “Has Oin arrived yet?”

“Not yet,” Balin said, “but he won’t be far behind you I’m sure." 

“What?" Bilbo squeaked, "There’s more of you?”

A knock on the door almost before Bilbo finished speaking.

“See, what did I tell you.” Balin smiled. “Not far behind at all.”

* * *

It was the smelling salts that woke her. She gasped her way back into consciousness, a hand patting her back.

“That’s it, deep breaths now. Master Gandalf, she’s back with us.”

“Ah, yes, there we are. Thank you, Oin.”

Vanessa pushed herself up to sitting, her head span with the movement. She remembered, well she wasn’t quite sure what she remembered. Where was she? Whose bed was this?

“What is your name?”

An old man sat beside the bed, looking at her intently. He spoke with a heavy accent but as the buzzing in her ears subsided she could just about make out the words.

“Your name? I’m assuming you have one.” He spoke slower and smiled at her kindly.

“Vanessa.”

“Vanessa.” He sounded it out and nodded. “Well, Vanessa, I’m glad you can understand the common tongue. Fili was fairly certain you could not.”

He indicated the grim looking man standing beside the bed. "This is Oin, he's a medic and a member of the Company. My name is Gandalf and I'm, well I'm me, you’ve already met Fili and Kili and you can meet everyone else when you’re feeling up to it. You do look like you’ve had quite a bad time, can you tell us what you remember? Oh, and you’ll need to speak up for Oin, he's a bit hard of hearing.”

Vanessa stared at Gandalf, then Oin. They were dressed in the same fashion as the cosplaying hunters, the room they were in was lit with a crackling fire and candles. Common tongue? The Company? They both looked back at her, politely waiting for her to speak.

So she told them of waking up bound in a carpark and her run through the forest. The bright light as she fell and her meeting with Fili and Kili.

“I couldn’t understand them, but I can understand you.”

“You’ve quite a head injury, Oin will take a look at it now for you if you will permit him.”

“Yes please, but can we not go to A&E? You can just leave me there, I’ll not say anything to anyone, I swear. Whatever your secrets are, they're safe with me."

Gandalf raised his eyebrows. "That word is unfamiliar to me. Aanee. What language is that?”

She looked at him incredulously and he waved his hand at her.

“Never mind any of that now, we can talk more later. I’ll leave you with Oin.”

He nodded to Oin and left the room, ducking to pass through the round door. She stared after him, bewildered, trying to work how how tall he was. 

“Right," said Oin briskly, "let’s have a look at this head of yours, and you can tell me where else hurts.”

* * *

Gandalf searched out his pipe and settled into the armchair beside the fire. It was a little on the small side but very comfortable. He busied himself packing and tamping his pipe.

“When you’re quite ready.”

“All in good time, Thorin. The others are all still at dinner?”

“Emptying your burglars pantry as we speak.”

“Your burglar. And an excellent one, just you wait.”

Thorin waved dismissively. "What of the girl? Fili told me that he lost her trail in the woods, that it was easy to follow up until the point it disappeared. Fili doesn't lose trails. It’s all very strange.”

“Strange yes, but I have been considering what she has told us and I feel that I believe her. I’ve heard tales, they surface every now and again, of travellers. Folk who fall between worlds, in times of great need.”

"I don’t believe I need a ‘Traveller’ to reclaim my kingdom.”

“I didn’t say that the need was yours, Thorin Oakenshield.”

Thorin inclined his head. “Go on.”

“As I was saying. I have heard tales but never actually met one of these travellers, or indeed met anyone who claims to have met one. But there’s no smoke without fire as they say, so perhaps there is something to the stories after all. Consider the remnants of the tunic or garment she was wearing, neither myself or Oin could identity the material. And she told me we appear strange to her.

"She didn’t know Oin, or your nephews, were dwarves. And she uses language and dialect that I have never heard. And I have been many long years travelling Middle-earth.”

“And what do you propose we do with her?”

“I propose we take her with us of course, we simply cannot leave her here friendless and alone. She is injured that's true but Oin feels a few days rest and with his care she should be well enough to travel. We'll need to source a pony for her of course.”

“Gandalf.”

“And some boots, miscellaneous things. Bilbo can help us find what she needs.”

“No. You have already foisted your supposed burglar on me. This is a dangerous quest to retake my kingdom. Not a picnic outing for waifs and strays. We go to fight a dragon.”

They both stared into the flames dancing merrily in the fireplace.

“I cannot guarantee their safety.”

“Understood.”

“Nor will I be responsible for their fate.”

“Agreed.”


	3. A sky full of stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recuperating in Bag End Vanessa is worried about waking up in her own world.

Vanessa looked up as the door opened and Oin entered with a carefully balanced tray.

“Right, here we are, lass. I wasn’t sure what you'll be up to eating so I’ve just brought soft things. See how you go, but not too much mind.”

He set the tray down on the side table and helped her sit up.

“There’s a jug of water, I’ll leave it here.” He placed the lightened tray on her lap and pulled the bedside table forward for easy reach. “Now this." Oin indicated one of the glasses on the tray. “This is for the pain. Drink it all. In the other glass is the tincture we spoke about, and it’s your decision whether to take it.”

“Do you-”

“I’ve been a medic a long time. You don’t remember what happened and that can be a blessing and a curse, but the story you told us and the injuries you have...” Oin tailed off sadly. “There’s no shame in it. Not for you. But it would be remiss of me not to give you the choice.”

He patted her hand. “I’ll be back later to check on you, try and get some rest.”

* * *

A light tap on the door and Gandalf popped his head in.

“Still awake?”

She nodded. “Come on in, what was happening out there?”

“Oh that. Our host Bilbo got a little over excited. He's having a bit of a rest now.”

Gandalf settled himself into the chair beside the bed, and took out his pipe. “I’m sure he’ll be in to introduce himself by and by, I’m surprised he hasn’t been in already actually but then he has been a bit distracted this evening and isn't quite his usual self.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh no, not at all, you have absolutely no need to apologise. He wasn’t expecting you to arrive of course, but the rest of us were also a little unexpected.” Gandalf chuckled to himself and looked around. “I think this was his mother’s room, very comfortable indeed.”

“It's very nice.” Vanessa watched the smoke rings from Gandalf’s pipe as they drifted around the room. They seemed to have a life of their own. “What’s happening to me? Where am I? I’m scared to close my eyes in case I wake up and I’m back in the forest."

Gandalf looked at her kindly. “I have some theories that I'm working on. As to the where, we are in Hobbiton in the Shire, Middle-earth. This evening the dwarves were discussing some business with Bilbo. They had intended to leave at first light, but Thorin, the leader of the Company, I’m sure he will be along to introduce himself, has decided to spend a few days here in Bag End.” He stood up and walked over to the fireplace, knocking out his pipe.

"I believe.” Gandalf nodded to a door beside a large chest. “That is a private bathroom. You are very lucky, very lucky indeed. Now sleep, and we will see you in the morning.”

As he pulled the door closed behind him Vanessa could hear deep voices singing.

* * *

It was no good, she thought as she climbed out of the bed hours later, she just couldn’t sleep.

She pulled on a robe from the back of the door and opened it as quietly as she could. The house was in a cosy darkness and she could hear soft snoring from somewhere nearby. To her left she could see what looked like the front door.

Leaving the door propped open slightly using an axe handle she stepped outside. She took as deep a breath as she could manage of the lightly perfumed cool night air.

Down the steps and beside the gate she found a garden bench and settled down wrapping the robe tightly around herself. Bare feet on stones which still held a little heat from the day. In other circumstances this would be lovely. She wondered if she was dreaming somewhere in another world. Pressed the stitches in her hairline gingerly, they felt real enough.

“Here you are." Kili walked down the steps. “May I?”

She scooted along the bench and he sat down beside her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake anyone.”

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t really asleep. Me, Fee and Ori were camped down In the parlour. We'll have to teach you how to move quietly though.”

“I honestly thought I was.”

He snorted quietly and settled back on the bench. "Look at those stars, they're all out tonight."

“Thank you for bringing me here.”

He nudged his thigh against hers. “No need for any of that.”

She leaned back against the bench and looked up. The sky was full of stars, she felt like she had never seen so many. Familiar and yet unfamiliar at the same time. She suddenly felt a long way from home. 

“Come on." Kili stood up and offered her his hand. “Let’s get you back inside before the toe snakes get you.”

Vanessa stared up at him. “Toe snakes?”

“Yes, they only eat toes. Why do you think I’m wearing my boots? They’re a menace round these parts. Make their nests in bushes just like that one over there in fact." He waggled his fingers. "Come on.”

She took his hand and let him pull her up. “I don’t think I believe you.”

“You know best, of course, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Up we go.”

He led her back into the hobbit hole.“By the way, I wouldn't use Dwalin’s axe as a doorstop," he whispered as he towed her down the hall and into the darkened kitchen, sitting her down at a table near a huge range.

"My granny used to have one of these." Vanessa looked at the range curiously. She peered into the dining room next to the kitchen. “I thought that there was a party tonight.”

“Thirteen of us dwarves plus Gandalf, Bilbo and yourself.” Kili opened a cupboard on the dresser, closed it again and started searching through a rack.

“It’s so tidy.” Vanessa ran her hands over the smooth wood of the table. “I’ve never seen a kitchen so clean after a party. What are you doing?”

She watched as he patted his palm against the range top. Nodding to himself he smiled at her before he headed out of the kitchen to the pantry across the hall. He returned with a jug of milk and poured some into a pan.

“No nutmeg that I can see, we’ll just have to make do." Kili set the pan on the range. "As for the party, us dwarves are good houseguests and since Bilbo seemed a little upset we thought best to clean up. Who wants to wake up to a pile of dirty dishes anyway?”

He set two mugs on the table and stirred the milk.

“You know your way around a kitchen then.”

Kili laughed. “Don’t let the rest of them hear you say that. No, Bombur is the chef of the Company. I’m pretty competent at hot drinks though.” He poured the milk into the two mugs and dumped the pan into the sink with a clatter.

"This'll sort you out, now come on. Bedtime.” He lifted both mugs and headed off down the hallway.

Bemused she followed him into her room and watched as he placed the mugs carefully on the bedside table and crossed the room to stoke up the dying fire. He opened the window beside the bed and came over to her, closed his eyes and held out his hand.

“I’ll hang up your robe, let me know when you’re in bed.”

She slipped it off and scooted into bed, pulling the covers up.

“Are you in?”

“Yes.”

Kili hung the robe back on the door and lifting his mug made himself comfortable on the armchair next to the bed. “I’ll stay for a bit, make sure you’re staying put and drink all your drink then I’ll head off.”

She took a sip. “Thank you. This is really nice.”

“It is, isn't it? Our mother always made us warm milk when we were dwarflings and couldn’t sleep. She made Fili some the night before we set out for the Shire, don’t tell him I told you though. Actually, don’t tell anyone. Probably best if you just forget I mentioned it.”

She laughed. “Mine would make tea, tea fixed everything.”

“Well that is true." Kili smiled. “Very clever, your mother.”

Vanessa set her empty mug back on the side table and snuggled down further under the bed covers. “Will you tell me something about your home? Or something about this world, I don’t mind what.”

“That sounds a bit like a request for a bedtime story.” Kili swung his feet up onto the bed then thought better of it and put them back on the floor and shucked off his boots. With bare feet back on the bed, he relaxed back into his chair. “Where was I? Yes, let me think, it’s been a while since anyone told me a bedtime story. Something not too exciting.”

He tugged at his lip. “Right, I know. I’ll tell you about the time Fee and I ran away from home to go and become shipbuilders in the Grey Havens.”


	4. The hobbit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we meet Bilbo and Vanessa gets a first look at her injuries.

The dawn light on her face woke her. Soft pillows, birdsong through the round window and the faint smell of woodsmoke reassured her that she was still in Middle-earth and her heart rate calmed. She wriggled back down into the covers and smiled at Kili curled up fast asleep in the armchair, legs thrown over an armrest.

When she awoke again to a knock at the door, Kili was gone.

“Good morning.” A figure reversed into the room bearing a tray.

This must be their host, Bilbo, Vanessa thought and hurriedly sat up and tried to smooth down the covers. “Good morning," she said.

“Brought you some breakfast, we’ve got porridge with plenty of cream and honey. And tea, one of them was very insistent that you should have tea. I’m sorry I didn’t introduce myself last night but, well, it was a very strange night altogether.” He set the tray down and smiled at her. “Bilbo Baggins, pleased to meet you. How are you feeling?”

“Pleased to meet you. I’m feeling better I think. Thank you so much for letting me stay. You have a lovely home.” She realised she was staring at his feet.

He laughed. “Gandalf did say you would likely not have seen a hobbit before. Right...” Bilbo rubbed his hands together. “You eat your breakfast and I’m going to get the fire going and sort you some hot water to wash.”

He bustled about as she ate her porridge and by the time she was finished and drinking her second cup of tea a merry fire was dancing in the grate and Bilbo had set up the bathroom for her.

“I’ve left clothes for you in there, they were my mother’s so they will be a little on the large side but there’s a belt as well. I’ve left you some towels and Oin says you’ve to salve your ribs and redress them, everything should be in the bathroom for you. Also he says under no circumstances do you get your stitches wet. He repeated that several times. If you need help just call out and I’ll come in.”

* * *

Washcloth in hand Vanessa stared into the looking glass. She barely recognised herself, her left eye swollen shut, a mass of red, purple and black bruising from her split lip to her forehead where a snake of neat black stitches disappeared into her hairline.

Bilbo had thoughtfully left her out a comb but maybe scissors would have been more useful.

Tilting her head back she touched the dark bruises on her throat, matching those on her arms, her legs. Carefully she began cleaning the embedded dirt from her skin and unwound the bandage covering her ribs, a mass of bruising again on the left side, it hurt to breathe but she guessed Oin's salve had helped. She scrubbed and dried herself and opened the little pot that had been kindly left for her, smearing a thin layer of fresh salve on her ribs, and the bruises on her neck.

As she wrapped her ribs in fresh bandages she realised she was crying.

When she was done she made a promise to the sad and injured girl in the mirror.

I will find them all and I will pay them back for every cut, every last bruise. I will break all their fingers, and I will listen to them plead for mercy. And they will have none. They will know fear and they will know death. James first.

No, she corrected herself. That was wrong.

James would be last, and she’d make damn sure he knew she was coming for him.

Resolved and angry, she put on the clothes Bilbo had left for her. As he had said they were a bit big but with the belt they would do fine.

As she worked at the knots in her hair she went over the beginnings of her plan. It stood to reason that as she had arrived on Middle-earth dressed only in her shirt that when she went back she would go back dressed in what she was wearing when she left Middle-earth.

So she intended to be both fully dressed, and armed to the teeth. She would return not as a weak and scared girl but as an avenging angel, an amazon, a gladiator. And that meant she needed weapons and she needed to know how to use them.

Thankfully, she thought, from the look of the armoury piled up by Bilbo's front door she seemed to have met just the people who could help her.

* * *

Gathering up the dirty bandages and the bedclothes and pouring the filthy water down the drain she went back into the bedroom. Bilbo had changed the bed covers and was just finishing sweeping the floor.

“Ah, there you are! Feeling better? Just leave all those in that pile.”

“Can I help?”

“No, no, we're all done.” He swept the dust into the fireplace and gathered up the washing. “You'll be needing to meet a few more of these dwarves that appear to have taken over my home. Follow me.”

Bilbo led her down the hall, dropped the broom and the laundry into a storage room and walked beside her to the kitchen. “They’re not a bad lot really,” he whispered, “but there’s just so many of them.”

In the kitchen Bilbo introduced Vanessa to three brothers Dori, Nori and Ori. Then he took her on a little tour of his home. They found Gandalf in the parlour deep in conversation with three other dwarves, Bilbo whispered that they were Thorin, the leader of the Company, and brothers Balin and Dwalin. Then in the garden they spoke with Bombur who was gathering vegetables and refused their offers of help.

They sat down on a bench in the sun with handfuls of freshly picked strawberries and Bilbo sheepishly produced a package of cake from his pocket explaining that he had saved it from the dwarves the previous evening.

“Where is everyone else?” Vanessa asked Bilbo, as they licked fingers and dotted them on the paper to gather up the last crumbs.

Bilbo explained that it was market day in Bywater and the rest of the party had borrowed a neighbours wagon and insisted on going to buy supplies. He sighed. “My reputation will be ruined, I’ll be the talk of the Shire.”

Vanessa smiled. “I’m sure they'll behave themselves.”

“That won’t matter, they just look like adventurous types and we're respectable round these parts. Can you believe Gandalf told them I was a burglar! Me, a burglar! Do I look like a burglar to you?”

“Well no, but then a good burglar wouldn’t look like a burglar would they?”

Bilbo snorted with laughter. “I do believe you are making fun of me. Don’t make me regret sharing my last piece of cake with you.”

“So, why did Gandalf tell them you were a burglar?”

“Do you know, I have no idea. He seems to have determined that I must have an adventure. He was quite firm about it.”

They looked out over the pretty garden.

"You do have a very nice home here.”

“Thank you. Yes, I do. And you're welcome to stay here you know. They seem to have just assumed you’re going with them, but you’ve no business rushing off on adventures in the wild. It’s not for us gentlefolk.”

Vanessa smiled at him and he patted her hand kindly.

“No need to decide yet, your head must be spinning.”

He dug out his pipe and they sat in companionable silence in the bright sunshine while he smoked and she dreamed about a comfortable life in the Shire.


	5. Thorin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa meets Thorin and has a choice to make.

Vanessa was lying on her bed with the window wide open when she heard the others returning. Bilbo having insisted that she go for a rest after a busy afternoon of sitting about in the garden.

They were very noisy. Poor Bilbo.

She heard the sound of barrels being rolled up the steps and clattering down the hallway. Leaning right out of the window she could see Kili standing on the road below. "Kili!” she called out. “Can I help?

“Ness!” he shouted back smiling. “No, you absolutely cannot help. Stay right there.”

She watched him turn to speak to someone else and then Fili appeared and waved up at her. She waved back happily and the brothers moved out of sight, reappearing a few minutes later with Fili driving an empty wagon back down the row and Kili following leading several ponies.

A knock at her door and Oin came in with another dwarf, both holding packages. The newcomer introduced himself with a, ”Bofur, at your service,” and a low bow.

"Vanessa, at yours,” she replied, as Bilbo had instructed her.

He grinned at her. “Sorry to barge in but Oin was coming in to check on you and I thought I’d come along and introduce myself. We got you a present.” He handed her the larger package. “Go on, open it.”

“Oh, thank you!” Vanessa carefully unwrapped a pair of boots, and turned them round in her hands feeling a little overcome.

“Well, go on then, try them on. They're fairly well made, not dwarven unfortunately, but they'll do for now. Better than bare toes anyway, until we can get you some proper ones. Hopefully they fit, Fili thought they should. There's socks somewhere." Bofur took the other package from Oin and started to open it. “Here we are. Oh no, hang on, don’t cry. They’re not that bad, are they?”

Vanessa wiped at her eyes with the heel of her hand and snuffled. “No, no, they’re perfect, but I already owe you all. I can't, I don’t have any-"

“You’ve a funny notion of how presents work, lass. Here now, come here.” Bofur pulled her to him and wrapped his arms tightly around her. “There we are. Now don't tell me not one of them even thought to give you a hug?"

He tutted and muttered what sounded like some sort of reprimand at Oin. "Just you let it all out. You're with friends now, all safe and sound. We'll see you right.”

That just made her cry harder and he held her until she'd finished.

“There now, does that not feel a bit better?”

“I am so very sorry.” She mumbled into his shirt.

“No need to apologise, everyone needs a good cry now and then.”

He let her go and wiped under her eyes with his thumbs. “There, that’s us introduced properly now.” Taking a pair of socks from an embarrassed looking Oin he sat her down on the bed and pulled them onto her feet followed by the boots. “Right, off you go and wash your face and see how they feel.”

Obediently she trotted off to the bathroom and splashed water on her face. When she came out they were both looking at her expectantly.

“They’re lovely.” They were very comfortable, a bit snug but her feet were a bit battered and swollen so she was sure they'd be fine. “Thank you.”

Oin beckoned her over and checked her stitches, grunting in approval.

“Right. All organised?” Bofur grinned. “Let’s go and see if the boys have one of those barrels opened yet.”

Bofur collected some mugs from the kitchen and introduced her to his cousin Bifur who was helping Bombur prep for dinner. Then they met Oin's brother Gloin by the beer barrel in the pantry.

Vanessa had just accepted a foamy mug of beer from Bofur after promising Oin that she would absolutely definitely only have one when Gandalf poked his head around the door.

“There you are, I’ve a few people waiting to meet you. Come along.”

Bofur took the mug back and winked at her. “I’ll look after this for you. Off you toddle. Good luck.”

Gandalf patted her on the shoulder before leading her down the corridor to the parlour. “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” He opened the door and ushered her in.

“Here we are.” He announced to the room. The three dwarves inside stood and introduced themselves, bowing.

“Balin, at your service.”

“Dwalin, at your service.”

“Thorin Oakenshield, at your service.”

Vanessa dropped into some approximation of a curtsey, thinking midway that perhaps a bow would have been better. “Vanessa, at yours.”

Balin smiled widely at her and offered a seat. “Here, lass, sit down. Are you feeling a bit better? Oin has been keeping us informed but it’s good to see you up and about. Dwalin, my brother, and I were here last night for your arrival. Gave us quite a shock I can tell you.”

She sat and twisted her hands in her lap feeling her face flush with embarassment. “Thank you, I’m feeling a lot better. Everyone has been very kind.”

“Good, good.” Balin sat down and patted her knee kindly. “I’m very glad to hear it.”

Gandalf pulled up a chair and settled in whilst Thorin remained leaning against the mantlepiece, Dwalin stood at his shoulder.

With the exception of Gandalf, who was filling his pipe, they were all looking at her. Vanessa felt a bit panicked. Was there something else she should be saying? Some sort of protocol for when you spoke to royalty? She wished she had asked Bilbo.

Thorin broke the silence. “Gandalf seems to think that you are a traveller from another world who has fallen into ours, is that correct?”

“Yes. At least I think so, I can't explain it and nothing makes sense. Even the stars are different here, I don’t know what’s happened. It's impossible really. I think I might be...” She tailed off uncertainty, feeling like she was rambling. “Your Highness.”

He smiled faintly. “No need for that, Thorin is fine.”

He looked at her intently for an excruciatingly long moment before he spoke again. “We will be leaving soon on a perilous quest, some of the others may have told you already, to reclaim my lost kingdom from a dragon. I intend to leave this place in another day, perhaps two. Then we will have a hard and fast trek across dangerous country to my homeland.”

He held her gaze and appeared to be waiting for her to respond. Vanessa stared back at him, completely lost.

"A dragon?" Her voice came out a little higher than she'd expected. 

"Yes. Some of my people may lose their lives. Gandalf believes that you should come with us, so that we can keep you safe. I cannot promise that would be the case.”

Vanessa glanced at Gandalf but he was studiously tamping down his pipe and paid her no attention.

“The wild is no place for gentle folk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves,” rumbled Dwalin.

“Let her decide for herself, brother,” Balin patted her knee again and smiled at her encouragingly. “She doesn’t need to give an answer right now, isn’t that right, Thorin?”

“That’s right, Balin, but soon.”

She was caught in his gaze again.

“You should think it over carefully. The Shire is as safe a place as any I've seen in this world. Safer. I’m sure Mr Baggins can find you friends here. You could make a life for yourself. In safety.”

She stared back at him, nodded. Safe, she thought. He'd said that a lot in one speech. That was important. Her jaw ached and she realised she was clenching her teeth.

“Well, that’s that then." Balin nodded at her. “Run along and we'll see you later.”

Dismissed and feeling very wrong footed Vanessa thanked them, attempted another clumsy curtsey then fled. As she leant against the closed door she realised she'd broken out in a cold sweat. A dragon? Surely not. 

Gathering herself she headed off in search of Bofur and her drink.


	6. Have you taken leave of your senses?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanessa recovers from learning about the dragon and makes a decision.

She found Oin, Gloin, Bifur and Bofur in the kitchen keeping Bombur company as he stirred multiple cooking pots on the range.

“There she is!”

“You’re looking a bit pale, lass. Sit down.”

“I’ll get you a drink.” Bofur pushed her onto the bench beside Bifur. “Be right back. Don’t start without me!” He rushed off across the hall and returned with a jug of beer.

“Right, there you go.” Bofur poured her a glass and sat down beside her. “Now. Tell us everything.”

“You’re going to fight a dragon? A real dragon?” Vanessa thought for a moment. "Hang on, what's a real dragon here?" She saw Bifur signing something to Bofur who nodded.

“Personally I've never seen one but it'll be a big, scaly thing. Think...a flying furnace. With teeth."

Vanessa thought she might be sick.

"But we're hoping the dragon, Smaug the Terrible, is dead. That would be the ideal, really. He hasn't been seen for a while so you never know, we might get lucky.”

“And if he...if Smaug the Terrible isn't dead? What then?”

“Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And hopefully it's not on fire.”

“So you need a burglar for...”

“Just to sneak in and have a look, check if Smaug is still with us.”

“Bilbo?”

Bofur shrugged. “I’m a toymaker by trade, but I’m here. Gandalf said Bilbo was our burglar and who are we to argue with a wizard. Well, apart from Thorin obviously but he is a king. I’m not clear on who outranks who there.” He looked at Bifur who shook his head. “We don’t know.”

“A wizard?” Vanessa reached for the jug to refill her glass and Oin moved it away.

“One drink only, like I said. I’ll get you tea.” Oin got up.

Bofur wagged a finger at her and refilled his own mug. “Yes, a wizard. First one I’ve met but he seems a decent sort. Very knowledgeable.”

Bifur signed again and Bofur nodded. “Yes, that’s right, brother, he hasn’t killed any dragons though. Which is a bit of a shame. But he’ll maybe know a trick or two if we need it. It’s got to be useful having a wizard around.”

“I’m glad you think so." Gandalf entered the kitchen and sniffed appreciably. “Dinner smells good, Bombur.”

“Thank you, Mister Gandalf, nearly ready.”

"Right then." Bofur rubbed his hands, “Let’s get the tables organised.”

Gandalf disappeared back out into the hallway, Vanessa followed him.

“Gandalf, can I speak to you?”

“Certainly, let’s go outside.”

He led her out of the front door and along the little path beside the hobbit hole, past the vegetable patch and to a sunny bench. "What's troubling you?”

Vanessa looked at the wizard, not knowing quite how to start, Thorin really had rattled her a bit. “I wanted to ask. Well, to start with I was wondering why you chose Bilbo? He says he's definitely not a burglar. So I'm guessing maybe hobbits are fighters? They must be, surely.”

Gandalf smiled. “They’re not known for their great deeds in battle, no. Hobbits are generally a gentle people and they don’t train with weapons as a rule, and certainly not from childhood like our dwarven friends. But skill in arms isn’t everything. Don't underestimate Bilbo, he may surprise us all.”

"So none of those weapons at the door are his?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Vanessa stood up and gave herself a little shake. That was that then. It would have been nice to have stayed in the Shire. She sighed heavily. “Thanks, that was really useful.”

“Was it really?” Gandalf looked at her intently. “No other questions?”

“No. I think that's it for now. Shall we go back inside?”

* * *

"I’m going to go with them.”

“What?” whispered Bilbo. “Have you quite taken leave of your senses?”

They sat shoulder to shoulder on little stools in the hallway outside the parlour, sharing a fresh seed cake still warm from the oven. The dwarves had gathered around the fire, busy singing sad songs of mountains and gold.

"No. I’ve thought about it and I’m going to go. You should come too.” She turned to Bilbo in the dark, nodded at him. “It'll be fine, we can look out for each other.”

Bilbo snorted quietly. “Oh no, I don’t think so. But why? If you're worried about staying here then you shouldn’t. Hobbits are very welcoming folk, they’ll love you once they get to know you. And I’ve plenty of space. Weren't you listening at dinner? It’s going to be really dangerous.”

It was true that there had been a lot of talk of dangerous things over dinner. Kili had saved a seat for her between him and Fili and she’d sat between them. Quietly weighing up her options whilst everyone talked and laughed around her, comparing stories about what they might meet on the road.

She looked into the fire lit parlour and met Kili’s eyes as he sang with the others. He winked at her. “Yes, I was listening. I’m going to ask Kili to train me."

* * *

"Train you?” Kili shook his head emphatically. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Kili, please. I’ve promised Thorin that I won’t get anyone hurt trying to protect me and that I can look after myself. I need somebody to show me how to do that. Please.”

Don't you dare cry, she scolded herself as she felt a lump gathering in her throat. She'd had a sleepless night, her head hurt, and her conversation with Thorin that morning had been...difficult and embarrassing.

“Oh no, don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Kili gave her a quick hug. “Look, fine. Let's give it a go.”

* * *

“What is it, Dwalin?”

Dwalin turned and looked at Thorin. “Your nephew trying to teach the girl how to use a sword.”

“What?” Fili joined Dwalin at the window and looked down at the two figures at the bottom of the garden.

Dwalin sighed, “Right. Come on, Fili.”

* * *

“That’s enough. Fili, you're on.”

Mid swing Vanessa felt her stick pulled from her hands and with a little push on the shoulder she was sent in Dwalin’s direction. He pulled her out of the way as the brothers circled each other.

“Now, watch.”

Vanessa watched silently. They were so fast, the stout sticks cracked against each other again and again as they spun and lunged.

Really, really fast.

“What are you thinking, girl?”

She was thinking that Kili told her he wouldn't go easy on her, and that he was a liar. It was probably best to not share either of those thoughts with Dwalin though. She glanced up at Dwalin. "I’m going to die out there.”

Dwalin nodded in agreement.

Stepping under a swing Fili slammed into Kili with his shoulder, knocking Kili back a step before sweeping the legs from under him. As Kili hit the grass Fili tapped him on the chest with his stick. “You’re dead.”

Kili kicked the stick away and rolled back to his feet. They faced each other again.

“Pay attention to what you’re doing this time, Kili.” Dwalin instructed. “As for you.” He pulled Vanessa further away. “What was your plan, exactly?”

“I thought maybe I could learn, I don't know, something.”

Dwalin sniffed and folded his arms. “They’ve been training since they were dwarflings. My advice to you is that if someone comes at you with a weapon, you run.”

“Just run? Should I not at least try?”

“Were you not watching? You run and you hide and we will come find you. Can you climb?”

She nodded.

“Then you climb, there’s not much in this world smaller or lighter than you. Get as high as you can and wait. Unless there’s archers. In which case keep running, but not in a straight line.”

Vanessa stared at him and thought hard about archers. She jumped when she heard Kili hit the ground again, Fili laughing as he helped him to his feet.

"Again. I said concentrate, Kili.” Dwalin turned back to her. “Once we see how your injuries bear up with riding we can look at knife training. A sword will be no good to you, too heavy. Your only possible advantage is surprise so I’ll show you how to use a dagger, if you behave yourself.”

“Thank you.”

“Ranged weapons might be a possibility, can you throw? How’s your aim?” He lifted a small stone. “Hit that tree, centre of the trunk if you can.”

Vanessa bounced the stone in her hand and threw as hard as she could. The stone flew into the bushes beside the tree and she swore under her breath.

“How much can you see out of that eye?”

"It'll get better.”

“Will it? Oin tell you that did he? I wouldn’t count on it, girl. If I were you I would start working with what you have. Anyone can see that you’re unsteady on your feet and that marks you as a soft target.”

He looked down at her. “Look, don’t take it to heart. If you listen and watch and do what you’re told when I tell you to do it we may be able to keep you alive.”

They turned towards the sound of breaking wood and watched as Kili flung his broken weapon into his brother's face. Fili batted it away and Kili tackled him hard, knocking them both to the ground.

Dwalin smiled, “Good lad, Kili.”

* * *

Vanessa sat on her bed thinking hard.

Perhaps she would have to scale back her avenging angel plans somewhat.

She pulled everything out of the pack that Bilbo had kindly given her and repacked it absentmindedly. Bilbo had found her some clothes, a mix of his own and his mother’s, an unusually adventurous hobbit. Bofur had then kindly adjusted the trousers and shirts for her. He also helpfully instructed her how to bind up her chest which was the point where Bilbo and Kili had mumbled excuses and shot out of the room.

The last night in Bag End, she thought to herself. Kili had promised to show her the map after dinner if he could borrow it from his uncle.

His Uncle Thorin, the King, she corrected herself. That had been a bit of a surprise.

She climbed off the bed and pulled her on boots, time for walking practice. The path around Bag End was as good a place as any to start.

* * *

"Mind if I join you?” Fili fell into step beside her on her third lap of the hobbit hole. “Working up an appetite for dinner?”

Vanessa snorted, “Something like that.”

"Don’t let Dwalin worry you.”

“He’s right though, my depth perception is totally off. And look, I can’t see past here on my left.” She waggled her hand near his face and he ducked away. “I nearly went on my face on this path, how will I run?”

“Well, stop shuffling would be a start. Confidence. Pick up your feet and get your head up. That’s it. Your eye may get better or it may not, either way you’ll adjust. It’s all practise.”

“I need to learn how to defend myself.”

“There’s time enough for that. But Dwalin is right, your best defence, anyone's best defence really, is getting out of the way. You don’t fight unless you have no other option." He nudged her with his shoulder and grinned. "But you've been around this path a few times now, do you feel up for a run? I'll be right here beside you, I won't let you fall.”

* * *

“Here. She’s quick enough anyway,” laughed Gloin, looking out the kitchen window as Fili and Vanessa raced past.

Oin grunted and headed down the hall to the front door where some of the others had gathered to shout encouragement to the runners. "One more and that’s it, Fili," he called. 

Fili held up a hand in acknowledgement and said something to the girl who responded by lowering her head and going faster.

“I’m holding you responsible for this, Dwalin.”

Dwalin laughed from the doorway.

* * *

She pushed as hard as she could on the last circuit, ignoring the flares of pain, and they finished back at the front door to loud cheers.

“Well done,” laughed Fili and clapped her on the back as she gasped for breath, “I think that deserves a drink.”


	7. Leaving Bag End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to say goodbye to Bag End.

The stars were still in the sky when she began to hear the others moving around. Already dressed she put on boots, cloak and pack and gave the room a last tidy, stripping the bed and folding up the linens and blankets. Stepping into the hallway she could hear activity from the rooms all around. Not sure how to help she went to the kitchen where Bombur was cooking up a final breakfast and loading it all on to the kitchen table.

"Is that you all ready? Come on and help us round up some ponies then.” Kili grabbed some breakfast from the table and indicated to her to do the same.

Leaving the quiet chaos of Bag End they headed down the row, sharing their breakfasts as they went. At a nearby field they met Fili and Nori and helped them to drag saddles and packs from hiding places under the thick hedges.

“Right, let’s get these little blighters rounded up.” Nori knocked his pipe out on the fence post and hopped over the gate.

The ponies didn’t need much rounding up as it happened. Very nosy and encouraged by the production of apples from various pockets they trundled over out of the dark and stood to be saddled and bridled. Vanessa worked with Kili, holding heads and stroking velvety noses while he threw on saddles and tightened girths.

When they were done they led several ponies apiece, with Fili also leading Gandalf's huge horse, along the road and up Bagshot Row until they reached Bag End. The first glimmers of dawn were appearing in the sky and the others were piling what seemed like mountains of gear into the road as they arrived.

In no time everything was neatly stowed away in packs and on the ponies. Vanessa threw on her own little pack and bounced on her toes nervously beside her sturdy pony, it had been a while since she'd been on horseback. She grasped reins and saddle and took a deep breath.

“Wait.” Fili took a hold of her pony's head as Kili offered her his interlaced fingers for a leg up. She placed her boot in his hands and he boosted her up safely into the saddle.

“You all right up there?” Kili smiled up at her, his hand on her calf.

She nodded and he pulled on the pommel, frowning slightly. She wobbled in the saddle as he checked the girth and pulled it tighter, then adjusted the stirrup on one side, then the other.

"Let me see how you're holding the reins. Here. Put your fingers like this." Once he was happy the brothers walked over to their ponies and she watched as they swung themselves easily into the saddles. The rest of the Company mounted up and shifted their ponies around into formation.

“Do you want me to lead you or can you manage?” Fili nudged his pony over beside hers.

Vanessa shifted in the saddle and patted her animal's neck with confidence she wasn’t quite feeling yet. “I think I can manage.”

He nodded and turned his pony’s head away from Bag End. “Stay with us for a bit until you get used to it. And loosen your fingers on those reins or they'll cramp."

Vanessa looked down at her fingers white knuckled on the reins. The pony shook its head and she gripped harder. I'll give it five minutes, she thought. If I haven't fallen off by then I'll think about it. 

The Company began to move down Bagshot Row. Vanessa's pony automatically turned to follow Fili's as she looked back over her shoulder at the darkened hobbit hole.

* * *

Bilbo caught up with them in the woods, smiling and waving his contract.

That explained why they’d been ambling along, Vanessa thought to herself, as the poor hobbit was hoisted unceremoniously onto his pony and money started rapidly changing hands.

"It's good to see you, Bilbo.”

“Did you bet against me, Vanessa?”

“Of course not,” she laughed, “I’ve no money.”

“Gandalf?”

“My dear fellow.” smiled Gandalf from his horse beside them. "I never doubted you for a moment.”

* * *

Fili woke as Bofur nudged his shoulder with a booted foot.

Although the woods were quiet on the outskirts of the Shire the Company had split the night into watches. The dwarves knew not to take chances on the road.

He stretched and stood. "All quiet?”

“All quiet.” Bofur nodded in Vanessa's direction. “The girl's not sleeping.”

Fili looked across the camp, Ness was curled up tightly in her bedroll but he could see her eyes glinting in the firelight.

Poor thing is probably frightened being back in these woods he thought, or maybe she was cold. True, it wasn’t a cold night and they had put her beside the fire just in case but still, she probably wasn't used to sleeping outside where she came from.

He picked his way around the other sleeping bundles and knelt beside her. “Come on,” he whispered and half lifted her to her feet, picking up her cloak and bedroll.

He led her across to the warm spot he’d just left beside Kili and gently pushed her down into it, covering her with his blanket, then her blanket and cloak. She started to quietly protest but he shushed her as Kili opened his eyes. “Stay there. Go to sleep,” he told her, and to Kili, “I’m on watch.”

Kili grunted an acknowledgement and closed his eyes again, Vanessa looked at Fili mutinously.

"I’ll be back, get some sleep.”

* * *

Vanessa woke with a start. Fili was settling down next to her.

"There’s a few hours left to daybreak. Go back to sleep.”

She shut her eyes obediently and listened to him getting comfortable. Once he stopped moving she opened her eyes again and looked into green eyes just inches from her face.

“Vanessa. I said sleep.”

“Your blanket.” She tried to extract his blanket from under her cloak and realised that a heavy arm had been slung about her as they slept. Wriggling the blanket free she felt Kili's breath in her hair as he grumbled in his sleep, his arm reflexively tightening to hold her firmly against his chest.

Fili rolled his eyes and took the blanket, throwing it over her again and closing his eyes.

* * *

From his place across the camp Thorin watched with a growing concern as his nephews settled down with the girl snugly tucked in between them.

Clearly they felt a responsibility and some sort of affinity towards the strange little creature. Thorin wondered again why the wizard had been so insistent on bringing her.


	8. Being useful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf admits that he doesn't know everything and Vanessa goes for a swim.

“Do you think I'll go back to the exact moment I left? Or will time pass there too?” She looked up at Gandalf riding beside her. “How long do you think I might have?”

He shook his head. “I really don’t know.”

“I’m thinking I could be in some sort of coma, and this is all a dream. Or maybe I’m really dead. Or I'm lying somewhere in those woods half dead. I’m scared to sleep in case I wake up back there. What if I wake up and they are....” She paused, gathering her thoughts and taking a shaky breath. “Maybe you’ve never really heard of travellers because we get taken back before we really meet anyone.”

“And maybe I’ve never really heard of travellers because not all of Middle-earth is as hospitable as the Shire, and not everyone is as lucky as to run into Fili and Kili.” Gandalf smiled reassuringly at her. "You arrived in a bad way, remember? There’s plenty of unclaimed bones in the forests and dark places of this world.”

She shot him a look and he held up his hands.

“I know, I know. Look, when this is over I'll take you to visit some wise folks that I know, there could very well be answers.” Gandalf lowered his voice conspiratorially, “Don't tell the dwarves, you’ll only upset them, but I don’t know absolutely everything about everything.”

"Your secret is safe with me.” Vanessa tried to smile.

“There, there.” Gandalf reached across and patted her hands on the reins. “Look. Try not to worry, easier said than done I know .”

Vanessa nodded and blinked rapidly to clear her suddenly misty eyes.

Change the subject, she thought. She looked at the ring on Gandalf’s hand as it caught the afternoon light, she didn’t really know anything about any of them she realised. Was Gandalf married? Did people get married here? Was it rude to ask?

"That’s a very fancy ring, is it special? It’s lovely.”

Gandalf touched the ring on his finger. “Oh, this old thing. It is quite fancy I suppose, maybe a little special too.” He looked at her, a strange expression on his face.

A shout of her name from Bofur further back in the column and she reined in her pony excusing herself and leaving Gandalf to walk his horse on, deep in thought.

* * *

"It’ll not hurt if you would just sit still.” Kili took a fistful of her hair again from his seat on the rock ledge behind her. He tightened his knees to her sides to hold her still. “Stop wriggling about.”

Vanessa hissed as he worked his fingers and the comb into another knot.

“I think it’s a knife and not a comb that you need, little brother." Fili laughed quietly from his place on the other side of the fire. He leaned back against the rock wall and looked up at the stars as she glared at him.

"Literally a rat’s nest,” Kili muttered, “and it smells.”

"Alright, both of you,” Vanessa protested, “Oin says the stitches can come out tomorrow so I will wash it the very first chance I get. I promise.”

“Do you know I woke up in the middle of the night and actually thought something had died?” Kili pointed the comb at Fili. “So you can thank me for this later when I’m the one on watch and you’re trying to keep this wriggling creature warm.”

He tapped her on the head lightly with the comb and went back to working on the knot. “This, like everything I do, is entirely for your benefit, Fee.”

She elbowed his knee hard as Fili snorted with laughter. A cry on the wind made her jump and Kili rugged her hair accidentally, apologising.

“What was that?” Bilbo hissed anxiously from across the ledge where he had been sneaking food to the ponies.

“Orcs,” said Kili.

Vanessa twisted to look up at him as she and Bilbo both squeaked. “Orcs?”

“Throat cutters," Fili added helpfully.

Vanessa turned back to look at him. He looked her straight in the eyes.

“There'll be dozens of them out there.” Kili placed his hand on her forehead and pulled her back to look at him. “The lone lands are crawling with them.”

He looked across at Bilbo. “They strike in the wee small hours when everyone’s asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams. Just lots of blood.”

A beat of silence then both brothers started laughing.

Vanessa let out a shaky breath. She couldn't decide whether to laugh with them, or try to strangle them. Bilbo looked like he was thinking along the same lines. 

“You think that’s funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?” Thorin was on his feet and angry.

Kili let go of Vanessa's head and looked downcast. “We didn’t mean anything by it.”

“No, you didn't," Thorin growled, “you know nothing of the world."

Balin stepped in to keep the peace and for the benefit of the younger dwarves, and particularly for Bilbo and Vanessa he told them how, after the fall of Erebor, King Thror, Thorin's grandfather, had attempted to regain the ancient dwarf stronghold of Moria

Vanessa stared at Thorin with growing horror as Balin described how Moria had been overrun by orcs, she tried to remember to ask someone what those actually were, and that a giant orc, Azog the Defiler, had beheaded Thror in front of Thorin and his father, Thrain. She only realised that she must have made some small noise when Kili put a hand on her neck, stroking a thumb along her jaw soothingly.

Balin continued without pausing, explaining that Thrain had disappeared, driven mad and that it had fallen to Thorin to engage the pale orc and drive him back into Moria. As he spoke sadly of the fallen Balin looked to Thorin, tears in his eyes. "And I thought to myself then, there is one that I could follow." Balin smiled sadly. "There is one that I could call king."

Vanessa felt Kili move behind her and looked around to see the dwarves rising to their feet. Kili tucked a hand under her arm and pulled her to her feet as Thorin turned and nodded graciously at Balin.

"And the pale orc?" Bilbo asked, "What happened to him?"

"He slunk back into the hole from whence he came," said Thorin. "That filth died of his wounds long ago."

Vanessa saw the expression that passed quickly over Gandalf’s face as Thorin spoke. She looked at the wizard questioningly but he kept his gaze out across the lone-lands and said nothing.

* * *

It was starting to rain as they searched for a good camp beside the river. They found a relatively dry spot under the trees and Gloin started the fire whilst Bombur began giving orders for dinner.

Oin examined her head and pronounced her stitches ready to come out. “That’s healed up well," he said as he removed the last stitch, “and the swellings really gone down. What can you see out of this eye?” He covered her good eye.

“It’s a bit blurry.”

"It might come back. Early days yet.” He peered into her face. “I didn’t realise you had two different coloured eyes. Unusual.”

“I don't.”

Oin raised an eyebrow, “Well, you do now, lass." He shrugged. "That might heal up too I suppose.”

* * *

Vanessa was trying to find a flat piece of water downstream to check her reflection and attempting to talk herself into washing her hair in the icy water when she heard the commotion. She looked up to see one of their ponies, still fully laden, plunge spooked into the river. Shouts from the Company drifted downriver to her as Fili and Kili splashed into the river after it, the pony rearing in fright as Fili made a failed attempt to grab the bridle. Vanessa watched open-mouthed as the full saddlebags slid from its haunches and dropped into the fast flowing water.

From her place on the bank she looked out across the grey rocks spanning the river and traced out what looked to be a fairly dryish and manageable looking route.

With a bit of luck, she thought, she might be able to get ahead of the bags and fish them out. Time to be useful.

Jumping from the bank onto the first rock she leapt and scrambled out towards the centre of the river, cursing as she skidded on a deceptively dry looking rock and her boot slid into the cold water. The bags spun half submerged in the white water towards her position. Vanessa knelt and braced herself, reaching carefully out to snag a hold as they swept past. Just as she got a good grip and started to pull them in against the fierce current she heard an anguished yell from upriver and looked up in time to watch the frightened pony making for the bank.

It splashed past Fili, restrained in Dwalin’s arms and screaming for his brother.

Kili.

Her eyes swept across the water and suddenly she saw his head break the surface. He was being swept downriver towards her, fast. He disappeared under the water again.

She looked for help and could see Thorin running along the bank followed by the others. Too far away. Dumping the saddlebag back into the river Vanessa scrambled to her feet. She needed to get just a bit further out. Leaping to the next pile of rocks she threw herself flat.

This is going to hurt, she told herself as she took a good grip on the rock with her right hand and planted her feet firmly against a boulder for support.

Cold water rushed over her as she leant out into the river and stretched her left hand out ahead of him. "Kili. Here. Over here!” she called, spitting out a mouthful of river water.

Fingers grazed her forearm. Vanessa bit back a scream as his hand grabbed hers and she took his full weight. The force of the river tugging at him and trying to drag her from the rocks.

I can’t pull him in, she thought desperately as the pain in her ribs took her breath away. He’s too heavy. As she opened her mouth to try and tell him she felt one of his boots knock against hers, his searching feet finding the same boulder she had braced against. To her relief the pull on her arm lessened as he got a grip first with feet and then his other hand and she was able to start wriggling back along the rock to give him space to heave himself out of the current.

He grinned at her and released her hand to take a final grip on the rock. As he pushed himself up Vanessa felt the lower boulder shift and start to roll from under her feet. She shouted a warning as she scrambled for another purchase and felt him doing the same before the river tore them both from the rocks.

The water felt like a thousand needles stabbing at her exposed skin. She tumbled once in the fierce current before managing to get her head above water. The water was freezing, she couldn’t breathe. Momentary panic as a hand grabbed her tunic.

"Swim!” Kili shouted in her ear as he kicked hard beside her, pointing her towards a downed tree lying out across the river further downstream. “There. Hard as you can.”

She began to swim desperately, the tree branches coming steadily closer, white water swirling around them. To Vanessa it looked like they were just going to be swept past. She made a last push, kicking as hard as she could with heavy legs.

One hand still fisted in her tunic Kili hit the tree branches first, taking most of the impact with a grunt and pulling her firmly across and into his chest as he wrapped his free arm around a stout branch. She flung an arm around the same branch and gripped him tightly with the other as the river continued to pound against them, pulling at their legs. The tree creaked and groaned ominously beside them.

Disentangling her fingers from his tunic he placed her hand on the branch. “Hold on tight!" he shouted at her over the roar of the water. 

He ducked down and she felt him grab her leg and place her left boot on his thigh. “Ready?”

She nodded and they both started as the tree creaked again, with definite movement in the current this time.

"Quick. Now.” He pushed her up and she threw her right leg over the branch, cold numb fingers slipping on the wet wood as she tried to support herself. She looked along the trunk to the bank, she just needed to get up and run.

Her boot skidded as she tried to get to her feet and she hit Kili’s shoulder solidly as he tried to climb up behind her, knocking him back into the river with a curse. The tree branch bucked and she heard herself whimper as she started to slide off the other side, scrabbling desperately for a hold to stop herself.

Kili grabbed her by the belt as she pitched into the water. As he dragged her back over the branch a rope slapped against the wet wood. She scrambled and caught hold of it with both hands, lifting her head to see the others waving and shouting from the riverbank.

"Wait, wait, Kili.” She showed him the rope and pointed. The voices of the Company were lost to the river but she could see Bofur miming tying the rope around his waist.

"Tie it around you."

Kili braced himself against the branch and helped her loop it around her waist and tie it securely. Pulling her down back into the river and taking a firm hold of the rope himself he waved to the others and Vanessa felt a strong pull around her waist immediately.

They pushed themselves along the tree trunk as the Company quickly pulled them in to the shallow slack water below the steep bank.

Another rope was dropped down to Kili as they pulled Vanessa up the bank. Fili untied the rope from her waist and hugged her to him tightly, briefly relaxing his grip on her to pull Kili in too.

Vanessa felt hands pull them apart and heard Oin and Thorin issuing orders. Thorin began to unlace Kili’s tunic quickly as Fili knelt and pulled his brother's boots off.

Shivering violently now and with teeth chattering Vanessa was pulled away by Oin and Bofur. As Bofur took off his cloak and held it up as a screen Oin set dry clothes on the ground beside her. He pulled her boots and socks off while she hugged herself tightly.

"All off. Now, lass, quick as you can.”

He turned his back and she fumbled uselessly at laces with hands that weren’t working. She made a frustrated noise and he turned and briskly took over, tutting at her and shushing her protests.

Bombur had a roaring fire going under the trees by the time she was decent. Wrapping her tightly in a dry cloak Oin left her next to Kili, as close to the flames as he could get them, ordering them sternly to stay put. 

Kili grinned at her as Oin muttered and heaped blankets on top of them. "I think they're planning to cook us, Ness. And here's Fee coming to fuss too."

"I'm not fussing, move over." Fili, changed into dry clothes himself, climbed in between them. "You did frighten me though, little brother." He tucked Kili under one of his arms and pulled Vanessa in tight against his chest. She felt herself begin to warm as he placed a big hand on her wet hair.

"You frightened all of us.” Thorin knelt before them and brushed damp hair out of Kili’s face. “Are you hurt? Either of you?” He looked back over his shoulder at Oin who shook his head.

“Scrapes and bruises only, Thorin, far as I can tell. Swallowed quite a lot of the river but very lucky.”

“Very lucky.” Thorin agreed and inclined his head to Vanessa. “My thanks.” He touched Kili’s forehead with his own for a long moment, nodded to Fili then stood, issuing directions to the others for dinner and night watches.

Vanessa felt Kili pull her tingling hands slowly out from under her armpits and hold them gently in his.

“Still far too cold, Ness.”

Fili pulled them all a little closer together and Kili tucked her hands under his shirt, uncurling her fingers and pressing her palms flat against him. She felt his body contract at her cold touch and tried to pull away but he held her there, muscles relaxing as his body heat warmed her.

"At least you got your hair washed," said Kili. "I suppose that’s something.”


	9. Don’t leave me here on my own.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trolls! And wargs!

“We'll camp here for the night." Thorin held up a hand for the Company to halt by a burnt out farmhouse and dismounted. “Fili, Kili, look after the ponies. Make sure to stay with them.”

Gandalf had stormed off and Vanessa was throwing stones as hard as she could at a tree under Ori's patient tuition when Fili rushed back into the camp alone and ran up to Thorin.

“Trolls. Arm yourselves!” shouted Thorin. A ripple of activity spread quickly through the camp.

Vanessa looked around as the Company grabbed their weapons. “Thorin, what will I do? Will I go find Gandalf?”

“You stay here," growled Dwalin. "Mind the fire and keep quiet.”

Thorin began to lead the Company off into the woods.

She ran after Dwalin. “No. I can’t stay here by myself. I don’t want to go near trolls, if your trolls are the same as trolls I've heard of. But please don’t leave me here on my own.”

Dwalin glared at her so fiercely that she stopped in her tracks. Pointing wordlessly back to the fire he turned his back on her and ran off into the woods.

* * *

She was hidden high in a tree with a handful of stones when Gandalf rode back into the camp.

“I’m assuming there’s a good reason you’re on your own.”

She climbed down quickly and dropped to the ground. “Trolls, they all went over that way and no-one has come back. I didn’t know what to do. They’ve been gone forever now, I’m getting a bit worried.”

“Well, yes. Let’s go and see how they're getting on shall we?”

She hurried along beside him to keep up with his long strides and whispered, “So trolls are pretty dangerous? I mean, I’ve heard of them. Are they like orcs?”

“Bigger, not as intelligent. But yes, very dangerous all the same. But be quiet now. They’re not deaf.” He looked down at her and the stones in her hand. “Can you hit anything with those yet?”

She nodded and opened her mouth to say that as long as the troll was as big as a tree and not moving then she could probably hit it but he shushed her and pulled her along a ridge. Crouching and looking through bushes they could see Bilbo talking with three huge creatures.

Vanessa swallowed nervously, they were as big as trees.

“On my signal, you hit the one in the middle. Try and get him in the eye, hard as you can.”

He disappeared on up the ridge before she could ask him what the signal was, or tell him that she wasn't that accurate.

“Gandalf," she hissed desperately.

“This little ferret is taking us all for fools!”

The one in the middle reached towards Bilbo as Gandalf stepped out onto the ridge.

“The dawn will take you all!”

The large rock behind him cracked and light flooded into the clearing.

That must be the signal, Vanessa thought. She stood, ready to throw, and stopped horrified as the three trolls writhed in agony and slowly stopped moving. Climbing and sliding down the ridge she joined Gandalf and Bilbo as they freed the others. Whilst the dwarves were dressing she stood looking up at one of the trolls.

Gandalf tapped the troll with his staff. “Daylight turns them to stone. Is it the same in your world?”

“I don’t know, well, trolls aren’t real in my world. They’re just in fairy tales.”

He stared at her.

“You know. Fairy tales? Bedtime stories for children?”

“A hard world you come from where you scare children at bedtime. But all stories must come from somewhere, wouldn't you agree?” He turned away as Thorin called to him. “We'll talk more about these fairy tales of yours later.”

She was sitting with Fili and Kili outside the troll cave, upwind of the smell, when Dwalin emerged from the darkness and called her over.

He handed her a dagger in an elaborate sheath. “Don’t cut yourself, or any of us. I’'ll try and teach you how to defend yourself.”

She smiled at him happily and he waved a big finger in her face.

“I'll teach you. Me. That means no ‘lessons' from anyone else.”

“Something’s coming!” shouted Thorin.

Dwalin pushed Vanessa behind him roughly and unslung his axes as something big crashed through the undergrowth towards them.

* * *

They waited as Gandalf and the new wizard stepped aside to talk.

Vanessa and Kili sat side by side on a large rock and looked at the rabbits harnessed to the sleigh.

“Have you ever seen-”

“No, never. Are they actually rabbits?” Kili slipped her knife out of its sheath and flipped it end over end confidently. “I can show you a few moves now if you like.”

Vanessa nudged his shoulder, grinning. “I'm sure you could. But I’m under strict instructions. No lessons from anyone else.” She tried to mimic Dwalin’s heavy accent and they cackled together happily.

A howl echoed off the rocks around them and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Beside her Kili leapt down from the rock, and reached back to help her down. He returned the knife. “Stay with me.”

“Kili, what was that?” she whispered urgently. “Was that a wolf?”

The new wizard threw himself onto his sleigh and raced past them.

“Come on!” called Gandalf. “Stay together.”

Vanessa ran with the others, she could see Gandalf's friend racing ahead in the distance. Monsters on wolves chased the sleigh, moving impossibly fast. She concentrated on keeping pace with Kili at her side and tried to fight a rising panic.

They slid to a halt behind a large rock as the pack changed direction. Pressed into the rock Vanessa felt Kili’s fingers intertwine with hers, he squeezed her hand and smiled at her and it gave her strength. Then both he and Thorin looked up. Releasing her hand he slipped his bow free and reached for an arrow. Stepping out from under the protection of the rock, he nocked and fired an arrow upwards in one smooth movement.

Something big roared above them and Vanessa jumped as a massive wolf and rider crashed to the ground beside her.

The monster was on it's feet and screaming in fury as Dwalin and the others charged it. Thorin pulled her away and she grabbed at his arm to steady herself. He gave her a little push as Gandalf shouted at them to run. Kili grabbed her hand and they were running again. This time the pack knew exactly where they were and she heard triumphant howling getting closer.

“Kili! Shoot them!” Thorin pulled her away from Kili and shoved her hard at Bofur who grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. Looking back she saw Kili stop and draw his bow. The pack approaching him fast. She looked forward and there were riders ahead too.

Bofur slowed to a stop with the others, they were surrounded. He let go of her hand and she shakily drew her knife.

He nodded at her, smiling grimly. “Chin up, lass. We're not done yet.”

Gandalf popped up from amongst a pile of nearby rocks and shouted at them. Bofur grabbed her again and they ran full pelt towards the wizard. As the dwarves ahead reached Gandalf she saw them jump into a gap between the rocks. Vanessa fumbled to put her knife away before Gandalf pushed her down after Bofur. Then they all stood worrying in the passage below the rocks as they heard the sounds of battle and Thorin shouting for Kili.

At last Fili slid down the rock, followed by Kili and finally Thorin, and Vanessa let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

The passage twisted and curved its way through the rock. Vanessa followed Fili, unable to see past his shoulders, and she could feel Kili close behind her. It led them out onto a high ledge over a sunlit valley and she felt immediately as if a weight had been lifted from her. Her heart soared and she turned to Kili with a smile to tell him, but he was listening to Thorin and Gandalf having a heated discussion about their destination in the valley.

“Elves.” Kili whispered to her by way of explanation. “Be on your guard, Ness. Elves are no friends to us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really enjoying having a go at writing again, it's been too long! Any and all comments appreciated.


	10. Elven healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling in to Rivendell.

So far the elves seemed friendly enough, thought Vanessa, as she lay happily soaking in a tub. She had her own room, a fire burning in the grate and a bottle of very, very nice wine. Half a bottle now.

Slowly and carefully she placed the glass on the stone floor and ducked her soapy hair under the water.

She had just assumed that she would have been staying with the Company in their set of rooms, but this was nice too. Although she had been starting to get used to actually getting some sleep and to waking up cosily tucked in between Fili and Kili.

Adding more of the herby smelling soap to her hair she thought back to the night after the river. Fili had held her close. Her back tight to his chest, his body pressed against every inch of hers and his arm around her with his fingers tangled in Kili’s hair.

She couldn’t remember when she'd last slept so soundly. And although nightmares still jerked her awake she found she was able to fall easily back to sleep, content that if she was pulled back to the woods then she would take the boys with her. She smiled grimly at the thought of Matt's face. He wouldn't stand a chance.

But even without the boys she did have a nice big knife now. She smiled at it sitting balanced, all shiny and dangerous looking, on the edge of the tub. Well within arm’s reach. She'd practised grabbing it quite a lot already.

That would give her an advantage. Assuming that she was pulled back unharmed and in the same place and time that she had left of course. And that no-one else had a knife.

She took another sip of wine. Before she had been led away to her room Gandalf had whispered that he would ask the elf lord to tell him anything he knew about travellers. Hopefully they would know something.

She didn’t want to go back, Vanessa realised with sudden clarity. She didn't want revenge. She didn’t want to go back and absolutely best case scenario kill three people, especially when one of them was James and even though it had turned out that he was an utter bastard, he had still been her best friend. She knew his mum. She practically lived at his house.

Maybe she could just threaten him for now.

But she'd still have to kill the other two somehow, she knew with certainty that she wouldn’t leave the woods otherwise. Then she'd have to hide bodies, and the trail. And somehow keep James quiet. And do something about the cars. And go on the run, she supposed. Or hand herself in and hope that whatever they had done to her was enough to bring any charges down from murder to self defence.

But, she thought as she took a large gulp of wine, her injuries wouldn’t match her story if she turned herself in. She looked down at her body in the water, the bruises were still clearly visable but they were aging, blackening, some of them changing to yellow and green. She ran her free hand over the scar on her face and lifted her foot onto the side of the bath to touch the long cuts on her thigh and her mood dropped further.

She wouldn’t be the only one with a knife.

Deep in thought the knock at the outer door made her jump, spilling bathwater and wine and knocking her knife to the floor of the bathroom. Heart hammering she climbed out of the water, hurriedly mopping up the mess with a towel and wrapped a robe around herself.

A tall, they were all tall, slim elf maiden stood smiling at Vanessa when she opened the door. "I’ve been sent to bring you to meet Lord Elrond.” She bowed slightly.

Dressed in elven clothes which managed to be both a bit too large and a bit too small for her, and with her damp hair soaking through the material at the shoulders Vanessa kept pace with her elf escort, who introduced herself as Marrinel. As they quickly passed down brightly lit corridors the elf chattered away merrily, pointing out various views from the large windows before leaving her at a large, guarded set of doors with promises that she would see Vanessa at dinner.

One of the guards knocked and opened the doors for her and she walked into a large sunlit room. Gandalf stood with the tall elf lord at the window.

“And here she is, Lord Elrond.” He beckoned her forward. Vanessa gave a little bow, making a promise to herself to have a chat with Bilbo about etiquette as Elrond took both her hands and drew her into the window bay.

“Gandalf has told me all about your adventures, you are very welcome to Rivendell.” Elrond smiled kindly down at her. “With your permission I will help you with your injuries. If I can.”

Not giving her time to respond he took her head firmly in his hands and she gasped as she felt a rush of cold and then warm heat through her. As he released her she felt Gandalf place a steadying hand on her shoulder. The pain in her head was gone. She took an experimental deep breath, the sharp stabbing pain in her ribs was gone too. She stammered her thanks and he waved them away, leading her to a nearby bench.

“Not resistant to healing anyway, Gandalf.” He spoke to the wizard over her head.

Gandalf chuckled and settled himself down beside her on the bench, Elrond pulled a chair closer.

“Lord Elrond agrees with me that you must be a Traveller," said Gandalf. "He has heard stories too, rumours, but never met one of you. We thought you might be impervious to elf magic, but apparently not.”

“Fascinating.” Elrond leaned in closer and looked closely at her eyes. “What are you? And why are you here?”

Vanessa shook her head. “I’m just human. There’s nothing magical about me, I promise.”

“Very small for the race of men,” Elrond said to Gandalf, “but the resemblance is there.”

“Let’s try something," said Gandalf. “Vanessa, can you see anything in Lord Elrond’s hands?”

Elrond held out his hands to her, turned from front to back.

Vanessa looked sideways at Gandalf, not sure if he was playing some sort of joke on her. “Well, no. I’m not sure what I should be seeing. Just hands.”

“Nothing else.”

“No. Just hands, wearing a ring like yours, but that’s it.”

Gandalf exchanged an odd look with Elrond. “Not to worry. Elrond and I will keep talking. See if we can think of anything else.” He walked her to the door. She felt a little unsteady on her feet, oddly but not unpleasantly light headed.

“Gandalf, if you can do real magic and you can do magic on me. Then can't you just keep me here? Or Lord Elrond perhaps would try? I don’t mean to be a nuisance and put anyone to any trouble but I don’t want to go back. I really don't want to go back.”

He smiled at her and patted her on the head. “Off you go. And try not to worry too much.”

* * *

She was backtracking towards her room and her wine when she heard voices she recognised. Leaning out a window she could see some of the Company spread out on the grass far below and called down to them. They pointed her towards a stair well carved into the rock and she ran along the balconies until she found it and rushed down flopping onto the grass beside Bofur and Bifur.

Bofur passed her the wine bottle. “Look at you, all dressed up like a little elf. Although I wouldn't breathe too deeply in that if I were you.” He winked at her and leant forward. “Your face looks better, what have you done?”

“Cheers, Bofur.” She pulled up the dress a little self consciously, took a long pull on the bottle and handed it to Bifur. “Does my face look better though? I haven’t seen it yet, Lord Elrond did elven healing on me, some sort of experiment of Gandalf’s and they seemed to think it worked. I do feel loads better.”

“Elven healing?” Oin moved across to them and tilted her head back. “Gandalf did his ‘wizard’ healing on you when you first arrived. And a good thing too, saved your life I reckon. Meant I had time to get you patched up. What’s the elf done? Is it just superficial?” He covered her good eye. “Any better?”

“Maybe?” Vanessa thought it might be a little better, “and the pain when I move my head is gone. And my sides better.”

Oin pressed against her left side. “No pain?”

She grinned happily and took a deep breath. “None. I’ll be able to keep up with you all properly next time we have to run for it.”

He placed both hands on her head and ran his hands over her skull.

“Are my eyes back to normal?”

“I don’t know about normal but the swelling and bruising is down, you just look like you have two different coloured eyes. As long as they’re working I wouldn’t worry.” He snorted quietly and ran a finger along the scar in her hairline. “Looks months old. Good bit of sewing that.”

“Thanks, Oin.”

He lifted the wine bottle from Bifur, took a drink and handed it back to her. “Don't mention it, lass.”

* * *

The Company had their own table at dinner, all except Thorin and Gandalf who were invited to the top table with Lord Elrond. Kili made space for Vanessa between him and Fili as Bofur escorted her to the table. He laughed as the two of them made their way over, giggling.

“Are you two drunk?”

“Maybe a little. Goes to your head elvish wine does on a sunny afternoon in good company. Here, my lad, you can take over now.”

“Alright, Bofur, stop fussing. I can manage.” Vanessa gathered up her skirt to lift her leg over the bench. “It’s this dress, it’s just a bit too long.”

Kili stood up to give her space and took her elbow to steady her.

“Honestly, it’s the dress, I’m fine. I’m just worried I’m going to step on it and, well you know what I mean, give everyone a show.”

Fili choked on his drink beside them as she wobbled and grabbed on to the table with both hands.

“You'll let me know won’t you, Kili? You'll keep a watch out for me?" she whispered, “I really don’t want to make a bad impression.”

“I’ll let you know, Ness.”

He held her dress and helped her climb over the bench, sitting back down beside her.

“We'll all let you know, lass," added Balin helpfully from across the table.

“Thanks, Balin, that’s very kind. Oh, thanks, Bofur.” She accepted the glass of wine with a smile.

Kili lifted it out of her hand. “I don’t think so. Water first, you’ll thank me tomorrow. And something to eat.”

Bread was passed down the table, along with a jug of water and everyone settled down to dinner.

“Does anyone know how long before we're off?” Gloin asked the table.

“You had enough already?” Dwalin poured himself another glass of wine. “I don’t believe Thorin has decided yet. Did he say anything to you, lads?”

Fili shook his head. “Not yet, we were with him this afternoon and he hadn’t decided.” He lowered his voice. “Gandalf wants to see if the elf knows anything about the map. And if there’s any more information on the orc pack.”

“That’s fair. We don’t want to walk straight back into them. Did you hear Gandalf say we were being hunted? Why would they be hunting us?”

“Keep your voice down Gloin, this isn’t the place.” Balin shushed him, “We'll talk later.”

* * *

“Lass, lass,” called Bofur. “Tell Ori what you were telling us about outside. You’ll be interested in this lad.” He patted Ori on the shoulder. “Tell him about the light.”

Vanessa shook her head. “I can’t talk about this again. It’s too hard to explain, Bofur. It makes my brain hurt.”

“Yes you can. Go on, tell Ori, he'll understand you.” Bofur kicked her lightly under the table. “Go on.”

“What light?” asked Kili. “The light when we found you?” He looked at her curiously.

Vanessa looked around the table, they were all listening now. “Right. Fine.” She took a mouthful of wine, happy that Kili had eventually refilled her glass. "So we were talking outside and Bofur asked what I missed most about my world.”

“I don’t think we’ve really heard you mention your world before, lass,” said Balin. “You're bound to miss it.”

“I don’t know, Balin." She took another thoughtful mouthful of wine. “I suppose in a way I do, but I miss the convenient things. This is going to make me sound heartless but I miss things like, for example, electricity.”

“That’s it,” said Bofur, “the light.”

Vanessa noticed Ori had taken a book and pencil out of his pockets and was looking at her attentively. “I feel that I’m about to disappoint you, Ori . I was never very academic. Anyway, in my world you can just flick a switch and have light.”

Bofur cut in. “You touch a wall and it makes a light across a chamber. No fires.”

“Sounds like witchcraft.” Dwalin looked across the table at her suspiciously.

“No, no. It’s not witchcraft. It’s just science. The electricity comes into your house in wires from a power station and then you just switch things on as you need them.”

There was a puzzled silence.

“I think we'll need a bit more detail to go on.” Gloin nodded at her. “So electricity is light?”

“No, it’s...well. You use it to power a light, or switch on a shower or a kettle. I do miss showers. See, this is the problem. I don’t know how to explain what it actually is, it’s just there. I’ve never really thought about it.”

“You miss showers?” Kili asked.

“Yes, in a bathroom.” Vanessa took another drink as she thought how to explain. “It’s like a rain shower I suppose, you stand under it to get clean. But the waters warm, or if you’re lucky scalding hot.” She sighed with longing and opened her eyes to see him looking at her with a strange expression on his face. “What?”

“So the electricity makes the water hot?” asked Ori.

“Yes, I want to say that it heats wires and the hot wires heat the water. But I’m not sure, I’m really sorry. I didn’t really pay much attention in school.”

“School?” asked Fili.

“See, this is what happened outside. I try and explain one thing and there's a million other things connected to it. But you must have school, surely?" She looked around the table, they were all listening intently. It was a very odd feeling. "Where you go with other children to learn things? Like how to read and write? No? So I was five I went to primary school and you learn all your basic things. And then at eleven years old I went to high school and they teach you more stuff and then you have to do a load of exams and if you do well then you can go on and learn more things. So you pick something that you want to do, like medicine.” She pointed at Oin. “And you go to university and learn to be a doctor or a nurse, or something.”

“Our mother taught us,” said Fili, “and Uncle Thorin, and Balin and Dwalin of course.”

“My brothers taught me,” said Ori, looking up. “Then Balin, but that was only recently.”

“See, that’s nice. That’s more like home schooling in my world. Some people do that, but it’s unconventional where I'm from.”

“What did you do at university?” asked Ori, still writing.

She took another drink and laughed. “Oh no, I didn’t make it to university. I barely made it through high school. Like I said, I’m not academic, Ori. I kind of stopped going to school, which made my mum very unhappy.”

“Why?” asked Bofur.

“Oh. Well. In my country, unless you are home schooling I suppose, you have to send your children to school. Otherwise you get into trouble.”

“Then why did you stop going?” asked Fili. “If it upset your mother and would get her into trouble?”

She smiled at him a bit sadly. “I suspect you might have been a bit kinder to your mum than I was to mine. I wasn’t very thoughtful as a child, or I suppose as a young adult really. I fell in with a bad crowd.”

Vanessa stopped and considered that. “Well, in hindsight I may have been the bad crowd. But anyway, I lost interest in school as I was busy doing other things. I managed to just about not get kicked out before I did my exams but that was the end of my time in school.” She shrugged. “But we’ve got sidetracked, I was talking about electricity.”

“So what happened next?” asked Bilbo. “What did you do? If you don’t mind telling us.”

“You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, lass.” Balin added.

“No, it’s fine." Vanessa lifted her glass, which had been refilled. “Oh lovely, thanks. So, after I left school me and mum weren't getting on too well and I left.”

“Where did you go?” asked Ori.

“I stayed with friends, well I thought they were friends, but then mum got sick and I went home until...well, just until. You know.” Vanessa blinked suddenly misty eyes and took another large gulp of wine as she felt a strong arm slide around her waist. She smiled up at Fili and he gave her a warm squeeze. “I’m fine, it's been over ten years now. I just wish I’d treated her a little better sometimes.”

“You were there at the end.” Balin reached across and patted her hand. “That’s important.”

“What age were you, Ness?” Ori asked gently.

“I was sixteen.” She swirled the wine in her glass. “Mum’s family offered to help after, but I didn’t want help. I was very angry back then and I took what money I could get my hands on and I went and I never spoke to any of them again. I don't think they spent much time looking for me but then I wasn’t exactly lovable you know. ”

“Where did you go?” Kili was looking at her intently.

“I left the country I was born in and moved to a city in another country.”

“Alone?”

“Not for long." She shook her head. "I soon met people. There's always people ready to look after a young, angry girl. And I forgot all the promises I’d made to my mum. I ran out of money and got myself into a bit of trouble. But then I got myself back out of trouble and sort of carried on repeating that for a while. Then I met James and he was a good influence.”

She felt Fili's arm tighten around her and Kili’s eyes narrowed. Vanessa looked around the table, everyone was still listening. “Everyone knows about James, yes?”

Nods and murmurs.

“Well, he was my best friend, the brother I always wanted and needed. He really helped me and before all this happened I’d been living with him and his mum. And even before that when I still had my own place his mum had me round every Sunday for dinner.

"They made sure I wasn’t alone. I think she felt sorry for me and she tried to fill our nights with things to keep both me and James out of trouble. And I wanted to make her happy so I went running with her and i went climbing with James, all sorts of good things. They tried to look after me and it worked for a while. But then when I went to..."

She stopped herself and reconsidered. "I went away for a while and everything went wrong and when I got out she met me and brought me home with her. She found me work when no-one would give me a chance. She thought I was worth her time. And I miss her. And I miss James. My James from before, not the James who hurt me. But I could never go back, not after what...well, you know.” She paused for breath and drained her glass, “Sorry, I think I’ve brought the mood down. I blame you, Bofur.”

Bofur smiled up the table at her as she pointed her empty glass at him. He stretched out a hand. “It’s good to get it out, lass, you’re with proper friends now. You can tell us anything.”

More nods and murmurs and she felt her eyes misting again.

A hand touched her shoulder, Marrinel crouched down behind her. “Come meet my friends.”

“Of course, that would be lovely. Thank you.” Vanessa looked at Kili and with a sigh he stood up and helped her climb over the bench and out.

“Remember what I told you about them?” he whispered in her ear.

“I remember, I remember.” She patted his cheek, missing a little, and let the elf take her hand and lead her away to a table nearby.

* * *

The plates had been cleared away and the noisy hall was winding down into a comfortable semi darkness, some of the elves were dancing outside on the grass to gentle music.

The Company were merrily drinking and filling pipes, some yawning and thinking of a warm bed.

Elvish laughter rang out from across the hall. Kili looked across and could see Ness gesturing emphatically at a dark haired elf who was holding up his hands and laughing.

“Have they given her more wine?” He set his own drink down. “I’m going to get her.”

“No, lad.“ Dwalin held out a hand as Kili rose to his feet. “Not you. Thorin wouldn’t be happy.”

“I’ll go.” Bofur extracted himself from the table with some difficulty. “I'll be back with our drunken little ambassador in a jiffy.”

They watched as he strode confidently down the tables and placed his hands on Vanessa’s shoulders. She jumped up and they watched her introduce Bofur to the elves, the dark haired elf handed him a glass and they all shifted around and made a space at the table.

“Oh for...” Balin shrugged ruefully at Kili “That’s that then. You tried. She’ll be fine with Bofur. Probably.”

* * *

Thorin looked down at the Company from his place at the top table and watched Bofur weave across to the elves table. What was he doing? Then he saw Vanessa holding court amidst the elves.

“My sons and their close friends, she’s perfectly safe I assure you.”

Thorin turned back to the elf lord. “I wouldn’t doubt it for a moment. She looks happy tonight, I must confess that I have worried at times for her safety on the road.”

Elrond nodded in agreement. “Of course.” He looked across at the merry table. “We have space here for her, space enough for all of you if you wish.”

Thorin inclined his head. “Thank you my Lord Elrond for your generosity. My Company and I will stay some days to rest in your halls if we may. For the girl's safety I would ask that you find a space for her here, until she finds her way in the world. We will, of course, come to some arrangement for paying her expenses.”

Elrond waved the offer away. “That won’t be necessary.”

“Thorin,” Gandalf began.

“No. The road is more dangerous that I had imagined. She will stay here and I will hear no more about it.”

* * *

“Do you even remember where your room is?” Kili asked, watching her as she skipped and twirled beside him along the moonlit corridor.

He'd had to go over to her table, introduce himself and remove her from her newfound friends when the Company started drifting off to their rooms.

Bofur he'd left to fend for himself.

“Oh. I was just following you." Ness stopped and looked around, confused. “I have no idea where we are.” She walked over to the window and leaned out. He followed her, a hand hovering over her back in case he needed to catch a hold of her.

“I think," she said uncertainly, leaning out further than was necessary. He hooked a finger into her belt and she twisted to grin over her shoulder at him. “I think that you’ve brought us too far along. I was looking out my window earlier and I could see that big cliff with the pool under it. But it wasn’t so far away.”

“My apologies." He took her hand and tucked it into his elbow. "Come on then, back this way.”

Eventually they found what she thought was the right room.

“Before we open this door, are you absolutely certain?”

“Yes. No. Yes. Fairly certain. Maybe we should just open it really quietly and see.”

That would be a terrible idea, Kili thought as he knocked the door firmly. They waited. No answer or movement inside. He pushed the door open cautiously and held her back, just in case she had any other terrible ideas.

“Oh yes, this is my room.” She peered round the door behind him. “I think. No. It is, it is. Someone has been in and tidied up though.” She stepped inside and sat down on the bed to take off her boots. “Are you coming in?”

“I should head back.” He stood in the doorway and watched her struggle uselessly with her boots for a few more moments before stepping inside and closing the door.

Crouched on the floor he batted her hands away and tugged one boot off, then the other, lining them up on the floor beside the bed. Her fingertips in his hair distracting him as they slowly traced the outline of his ears, the line of his jaw. He lifted his head to look up at her.

“Hello, Kili.”

“Hello, Ness.” His pulse leapt as she trailed her fingers lightly back along his jaw. He licked suddenly dry lips. “Do you think you can manage from here?”

“Yes, yes." She smiled at him. "All fine now.” Nodding drunkenly she released him, wriggling back onto the bed and dragging a cover over herself.

Kili took a quick look around the room, banking the fire down and pinching out the candles just in case. By the time he set a jug of water on the floor beside the bed she was breathing heavily, fast asleep.

“Sleep well, Ness.”


	11. It'll come back to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hungover in Rivendell

Vanessa leaned out her window and breathed in the fragrant air. The dawn was lightening the sky and the stars were disappearing. She took a gulp of water from the jug that she'd sensibly left beside her bed and congratulated herself for her forward thinking. She was feeling surprisingly good, considering.

Unwrapping the knife from her leg she changed out of her dress, washed and put on her trousers, shirt and tunic, tucking the knife away out of sight.

She found her boots standing neatly by her bed and stared at them for a while. A hazy memory of Kili pulling them off her feet surfaced, she remembered his hand on her calf then absolutely nothing. Totally blank.

Oh god, she thought to herself, a creeping dread settling in her chest. Oh god, no. Kili.

She looked around the room. Her bedsheets were rumpled from the nightmare that woke her, no clues there. She felt her heart begin to race.

Go for a walk, she thought, I’ll go for a walk. It'll come back to me.

* * *

Elladan found her sitting in the dawn light at the base of the cliff overhanging the swimming hole. She was looking up the cliff face and making movements with her hands when he leaned over her shoulder and scared the living daylights out of her.

“What are you doing?”

“Oh. Good morning," she said when she'd recovered a little. “I’m problem solving. It calms me.”

He looked up at the cliff. “You're not thinking of climbing that?”

“No, no.” Vanessa laughed. “At least not right now. The hangover hasn’t arrived yet so I suspect I'm still a bit drunk.”

He made himself comfortable on the grass beside her. “We used to climb to the top and jump off into the pool. Not for some years though. I don’t think you could manage it somehow, it’s a long climb and difficult enough in places. Even for an elf.”

She shot him a look and he smiled. “There’s an easier route up the back, if you just wanted to jump into the pool. You can swim can’t you? It'd clear your head.”

“Of course I can swim.”

He stood and offered a hand. “Come on then. An easy climb instead of a tricky one, a jump and a swim and you’ll be ready for breakfast.”

It was a bit of a scramble in places and Vanessa was warm and breathing hard by the time she stood at the diving spot. She looked down at the pool sparkling invitingly far below.

“What do you think? We can walk back down if you like.”

“I can do it.” She shuffled her boots to the edge and knelt down carefully to look over.

“I’ll go first, then I can help if you get into trouble.”

With that he leapt past her off the cliff and she watched him tumble in the air and gracefully enter the water fingertips first, barely disturbing the surface.

“Show off,” she muttered to herself.

Feet first for her, she thought, less chance of breaking something. Like her neck. Oin really won't be happy if he has to patch me up again, she giggled to herself, suddenly feeling a little hysterical.

Taking a few steps back she bounced on her toes, took some deep calming breaths, shook out her hands and legs then ran forward launching herself as far away from the cliff edge as she could.

A rush of air and a exhilarating feeling of weightlessness before her feet hit the shockingly cold water and she plunged down, deep into the pool. She slowed herself, paddling feet and hands and struck out for the surface, breaking through into sunlight and gasping for air.

Elladan cheered and swam closer. “You did it! Are you hurt?”

“No, that was amazing.” She treaded water. “I’m going to have to do that again I think.”

* * *

The third time she surfaced and swam to the edge Dwalin reached down an arm and pulled her out.

“I’m trying to decide if I should just strangle you here and save Oin the trouble," he growled at her, glaring at the dark haired elf leisurely floating on his back in the pool.

Vanessa wrung out her hair and smiled up at him. “It’s great, you should try it. I’m going to try climbing up properly later.”

She gestured up the cliff face.

Dwalin looked up the sheer rock face and back to her.

“Don't look at me like that. I can climb, trust me. It’s just one long overhang really. And if I fall it’s just straight down into the water, well pretty much.”

“I’ll help her, I’ve done it a hundred times.”

Dwalin glared harder at the elf as Elladan hauled himself out of the pool and shook off. "Breakfast, Master Dwarf? Although we’d best go get changed first, Vanessa. I don’t think my father will appreciate wet footprints across his eating hall.” Elladan bowed to Dwalin and offered an arm to her.

* * *

“I’m really sorry,” she whispered to Kili as he made space for her at the table for her to squeeze in. "I’m never drinking again.”

“Are you feeling that bad?” Fili handed her the bread basket.

She took a piece and passed it on. "No. Surprisingly I’m feeling fine. A bit of a muzzy head but that’s all. It'll maybe hit me later.”

Bofur lifted his head from his hands. “I think whatever elvish magic you had yesterday must've saved you. My head feels like it’s going to fall off.” He waved away the bread.

“I think someone watering your wine over dinner was what saved you.” Nori laughed and winked at Kili who shushed him.

Kili shrugged as she turned quickly to look at him. “Nori was drunk too, I wouldn’t believe anything he tells you.”

She felt Fili on her other side gather her hair and twist it back over her shoulders. “You are flicking water everywhere, Ness. Sit still.”

Dwalin smiled at her from across the table and she shook her head slightly at him. "Ah," he said, "I expect that’ll be from swimming around with the elves at daybreak.”

She felt all heads at the table turn towards her.

“Swimming with the elves at daybreak?” asked Bilbo.

“It was only one elf." She protested.

“I’m not sure that makes it any better, Ness.” Fili said solemnly. She turned to face him and could see the joking twinkle in his eyes before Kili pulled her back.

“Which one?” Kili looked serious.

“Lord Elrond's son, Elladan. But-”

“The dark haired one from last night.”

“Well, they’re both dark haired. Twins. But-”

“He’s taking her out climbing later.” Dwalin added.

Vanessa glared at him.

“Climbing? What sort of climbing?” Kili looked across at Dwalin.

“The sort where you climb up a big rock and more likely as not fall off and smash your skull to pieces for no good reason.”

“I don’t think so.” Kili turned back to look at her and shook his head firmly. “No, Ness.”

She could hear noises of agreement from around the table. Vanessa sighed, “Look, I’m good at climbing. I really am. It's what I do for fun. And I know what I'm doing, I promise that I’ll not try anything too risky. And if I feel myself falling, I’ll just jump off into the water. I’ve already jumped into the water from the top and managed to not kill myself.”

She looked at Dwalin pointedly.

“Well, that’s true enough." Dwalin allowed. “I saw them throwing their fool selves from the top of the cliff.”

“It was fun." Vanessa turned to Kili. “It was, it felt amazing. There’s a path up the back of the face. You could try it. You could all try it.” She looked around the rest of the table, Ori was nodding.

“Don’t do it, lass." Balin warned gently. “If you convince the lads to throw themselves off cliffs for no good reason Thorin will likely throw you off one personally. And there may not be a lake to catch you.” He looked at his brother. “Followed by you I expect. For not keeping things to yourself.”

Vanessa felt heavy hands land on her shoulders and looked up into Gandalf’s face. “All done with breakfast, my little drunkard? Then come with me. Lord Elrond and I wish to talk with you.”

* * *

Elladan was waiting for her outside his father’s rooms.

“All done?”

“For now, yes.” She stretched. Gandalf and Elrond had spent the morning and afternoon quizzing her for everything she could remember about fairy tales and folk tales. She felt wrung out and a bit like she'd been interrogated. They’d been interested in every detail she could remember or half remember and she'd been sent away with instructions to think more and return.

“Gandalf said that your father is expecting more visitors?”

“Yes, my grandmother is due to arrive in the next few days. She may know more about your situation.” Elladan led her off towards her room. “She’s very wise, if she cannot tell you anything then I expect no-one on Middle-earth can. I’m assuming you’ll need to get changed?”

“Oh, I don’t think I can climb after all. I'm sorry.” She stopped and looked up at him in apology. “I got grassed up by Dwalin earlier and there was a bit of a row at breakfast. So I think I’d better behave myself for a bit.”

Elladan looked at her curiously. “I’m not sure what all that means but your companions were gathering down by the pond when I came to fetch you. So I think they’re expecting you. They're settled in for the rest of the afternoon by the look of them, they brought wine.”

* * *

“I wasn’t planning on such an audience," she whispered to Elladan as they stood at the base of the cliff. Touching the rock with her fingertips she glanced back at the dwarves and elves spread out on the grass behind them.

Most of the Company had turned out, although not Thorin thankfully, and Balin and Gandalf were also missing. But everyone else was there. Elladan's brother Elrohir along with Marrinel and a few of their friends sitting amongst the dwarves chatting amicably with Bofur, Ori and Bilbo.

“I feel like we should have the wizard here.” Oin was grumbling loudly to Dwalin. “Can your lot all do the elf magic?” he shouted across at Elrohir.

“What are you thinking?” Elladan nudged her. “I can tell you what route I would take but you don’t have anything like my reach.”

Vanessa pointed out the route she was thinking off and he nodded along until she reached the part where she planned to skirt a particularly nasty looking overhang two thirds of the way up.

He shook his head. “You can try, but you’ll see when you’re up there that the rock to that side is smooth with few good handholds. You’d be best going straight over the overhanging piece if you can. But then you’re a lot lighter than I am, maybe you'll find holds I could not use.”

She gathered up some of the gritty dust around the base and coated her hands throwing some into her pockets. He looked at her oddly. “For sweaty fingers.”

“Ready?”

“Ready.” She placed hands and booted feet on the rock and began traversing out to the middle, above the water line.

A chorus of “Good luck” and “Be careful" rang out from the spectators.

Vanessa blocked them out and concentrated, this was going to be very embarrassing if she fell off straight away. She looked up the face, it curved out gently the whole way until she reached the big overhang, there wouldn't be much opportunity to rest. A final deep breath and she set her foot lightly on the first hold.

* * *

Worrying at his lip Kili watched her climb steadily up the rock, stopping every few feet to plan out her next steps and to listen to the elf calling out instructions. She looked a dangerously long way above the water already to him.

“Easy, brother." Fili nudged his shoulder. “She does actually look like she knows what she’s doing.”

Dwalin grunted from his other side something which might have been agreement, not taking his eyes off Ness as she worked her way up the wall.

A section where the rock curved outward steeply almost across the whole face was ahead of her. Kili watched as she slowed further and seemed stuck. Then she carefully worked her way back down a little and stopped.

“What’s she doing?” Dwalin muttered.

They watched as she pushed upward, moving fast and confidently. Then as she reached for a handhold one of her feet skidded from the wall, followed by the other.

One handed she swung for a moment before making an attempt to get a grip with her free hand, dislodging dust and stones as her feet scrabbled futilely at the wall. Kili watched in horror as her hand slid from it's hold and she fell with a frustrated cry. He was on his feet and moving as Fili caught his arm. “Look brother, she’s fine. There she is.”

Fili pointed to where Ness had hit the surface and popped up like a cork, swimming strongly for the side. The dwarves and elves cheering happily as she climbed out. Kili let out a breath as his brother pulled him back down onto the grass.

* * *

“Nearly,” shouted Bofur merrily.

“Another go?” asked Elladan.

Vanessa nodded, squeezing water from her hair and clothes and joined him at the base of the cliff. Sitting down she pulled off boots, socks and tunic and tucked her shirt in tightly around her arms and waist, tightening her belt over all. She rolled up a trouser leg, took off her knife and threw it at Dwalin. “If you see a flash of lightning, throw that at me please.”

Dwalin looked a bit bemused but nodded, “Aye, lass.”

“You know you’re not meant to be armed in my father’s house?”

“I know, I'm sorry.”

Elladan shrugged. “You need to go faster. Trust yourself.”

She stretched fingers and shoulders and ground her feet into the dust to dry them. Then set off again, thinking hard. Same route, hard and fast and no mucking about wasting energy. Her bare toes gripped the rock tightly, giving her confidence.

She moved quickly up the lower sections this time, using the same hand and footholds as her previous attempt. Before the big overhang she heaved in a deep breath and had a little rest, legs pressed into the rock and hands lightly supporting herself.

Playing the moves quickly in her head Vanessa gathered her strength and burst upwards. She felt herself dangle briefly and precariously over the pond as she got a good grip with her left fingertips then hooked her left heel over the lip of the overhang. Pushing hard on her heel, pulling with her left arm and pushing hard into the rock with right hand and foot she gave it everything she had and hauled herself up slowly over the lip. Reaching with her now badly shaking right arm she caught a grip higher and pulled herself up and over onto the narrow ledge, her face brushing across the rock.

Don’t fall now, she told herself sternly as she allowed herself a moment for a quick steadying breath, hearing cheers from below, and reached for another hold pushing upward with her legs.

Pushing and pulling herself up onto the summit she rolled and lay back for a moment laughing to herself. She'd done it. She hauled herself to her feet on shaky legs and peered out over the ledge carefully to check no-one had decided to swim.

“I’m up.” She laughed, hearing the wild cheers from below.

"Am I clear to jump, Elladan?” she called down.

“Yes, come on down.” She walked back to the other side of the ledge for her run up, best make this a good one.

* * *

She swam underwater to the edge and broke the surface to see Kili’s hand in front of her face. She grasped it and he stood, pulling her out of the water and into his arms briefly before letting her go.

“I think you may have just put years on me, Ness.”

Dwalin pulled her to one side and handed her knife and tunic.

"Tomorrow,” he said in a low voice, tapping the knife, “tomorrow you can teach me that, and I’ll try and teach you how to use this.”

She nodded.

“No elves.”

“I'd like to learn too,” Fili added, overhearing, “Kili?”

Kili nodded and looked up the rock wall. “I'll give it a try.”


	12. I’ll never hurt you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mistakes we make when we have the hangover fear. Falling out and making up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we'll have a few fluffy chapters in Rivendell, I like it here.

Vanessa watched the sunrise after another sleepless night tossing and turning. She needed to talk to him, she'd take him aside as soon as she saw him at breakfast and apologise. Again.

Resting her head on her arms she sighed heavily. It had all gone wrong after dinner, Vanessa had been tired and trying to stay away from the wine so when Kili had suggested a walk she'd all but bounced off her seat.

She sighed again, remembering.

They had walked past the pond and on into the woods, climbing steadily until they reached a clearing in the trees where they could see the sky open out above them. Looking down through the trees they could see the lights of the hall far below, music drifting on the breeze.

They had talked and it had been lovely. Vanessa told him about places where she’d gone climbing with James. And places where she’d planned to go. In turn he had told her about where he’d travelled to in Middle-earth and where he hoped to go. Together they talked about the Shire and made a plan that how, when everything was settled, they should volunteer to take Bilbo home and then travel on to the Blue Mountains to meet Kili’s mum and escort her to Erebor.

Kili conveniently forgetting that if everything ended well he'd be staying in Erebor with his wings well and truly clipped.

Then she’d done it.

They’d been lying side by side looking up the stars when she’d propped herself up to look at him and said, “Can I ask you something, Kili?”

He had been lying with an arm folded behind his head, totally relaxed, turning the little runestone from his mother through the fingers of his free hand.

She'd heard the smile in his voice as he answered.

“Of course. You can ask me anything.”

Now that she had decided to ask Vanessa couldn't think how to start. It was a bit embarrassing. She had felt her face flush in the dark. “Last night...did we...did we anything? Well, you know.” She tailed off as he lifted his head. “It’s just that I don’t remember.”

“You were drunk.” Kili sat up so fast she jumped.

“I know. And I’m sorry about that.”

“No. I mean you were drunk.” He rolled up to his feet. “Really drunk. What sort of..? What do you think I am?”

“What?” She looked up at him, confused.

“I took your boots off and made sure you were safe and well and I left." He looked really upset. “I wouldn't...I didn't. How could you think I would ever...”

Oh. She realised too late what he meant. “No, no, Kili, no. I’m sorry. I don’t think that. I know you wouldn’t. I just couldn’t remember and I just wanted to check that we, well that I really not you, hadn’t done anything, you know. Stupid. Not that it would have been stupid. Well, probably not stupid. I just had the hangover fear and I wasn’t sure if we needed to talk about it...” She tailed off again and looked at his face. "But we don't need to talk about it. Obviously. Because nothing happened."

He was staring at her and she scrambled to her feet and reached out to him, tried again. “I didn’t mean it like that, Kili. Not you. I didn’t mean you.”

“We'd better get back.”

He'd turned away from her and she'd no choice but to follow miserably. They’d walked back in an uncomfortable silence and he’d left her with a stiff, polite goodnight at the end of the corridor near her room.

Her face burned again.

She’d totally misjudged it. So sure they’d have a bit of a laugh about it and he'd reassure her that she hadn’t done anything to be embarrassed about.

She needed to explain to him again, properly this time, Vanessa thought. She looked at the sky anxiously.

* * *

Fili waved her over when she finally plucked up the courage to go into the breakfast hall. She looked around the table. He wasn’t there.

“Kili went out early," Fili said quietly. "He’ll be back later but he says sorry that he’ll miss the climbing lesson.” He sneaked a glance at her sideways under his eyelashes as he filled a glass of water for her. She stared at him and felt herself begin to flush, noticing his ears start to turn pink too.

He knows, she thought, and he’s a rubbish liar.

Looking around the table quite a few of the dwarves were suspiciously busy with their breakfasts. Balin smiled at her sympathetically.

“So you all know then?” She directed her question to Balin as Fili continued to studiously avoid eye contact with her.

“Well, lass, Kili’s a bit of an open book as you know. It didn’t take us long to get it out of him."

"Wouldn't hold up well under interrogation, your brother.” He directed this to Fili.

“Oh my god. Balin.” Vanessa leaned across the table and whispered, “Does Thorin know?”

“Oh course. It was Thorin got the story out of him in the end actually." Balin looked like he was enjoying himself. “I think I would stay away from Thorin for a little while if I were you.”

* * *

As she walked with Dwalin and Fili to the pond she felt like her face was still on fire.

“Look,” said Dwalin carrying a variety of weapons. "It’s done. Let him do his brooding and he’ll come back and you can tell him you’re sorry.”

“I am sorry. Fili, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way he thought I meant it.”

“That’s enough.” Dwalin picked a spot near the rock face. “My lesson first, so concentrate.”

He worked both her and Fili hard.

“You promised to teach me to use my knife, Dwalin,” she panted. Hands on knees, and trying not to collapse face first onto the grass, after he’d made them race round the pond and back. Again.

“Speed, and footwork, are more important. Get your head up and watch.” Dwalin picked up his axe. “Range. You need to learn range. Watch closely and pay attention.”

He faced Fili from a good distance and swung the axe, stopping at the furthest point. “Now. A goblin has a slightly longer reach than me, they're all arms. A Gundabad orc could be nearly twice my size. Imagine that and fix it in your head.”

She looked at the axe inches from Fili's throat and thought about an orc twice Dwalin's size. That was an image she really didn't want in her head. He swung the axe again and Vanessa watched carefully.

“So you must work out range and stay outside it as much as you can.” Dwalin waited for her to nod. “Fili, I’ll swing and you block.”

She watched Fili block the axe swing with his sword.

“Lass, you can block a swing with your knife, that’s not an issue, we'll show you that again. The problem is it'll take you off your feet. So we’re back to footwork, you have to stay on your feet. Don’t watch me this time, watch how Fili stands and moves as he blocks.”

He ended the lesson by letting her attempt to dodge and then block a swing of a practice sword from Fili.

She knew Fili was pulling it but it was still terrifying and although she managed to block with the shield Dwalin gave her it rattled her whole arm and knocked her to her knees momentarily.

They sat with their lunch on the grass in the sun.

“How are you feeling?” Fili asked.

“A bit scared,” she admitted, “but good. Thank you, Dwalin.”

Dwalin nodded. “You’re not completely useless.” He held up a hand as she opened her mouth. “You’re reasonably fast and that’s good. We'll do more running tomorrow, you were nearly keeping up with Fili. I think if I’d made you do another few laps you could have taken him. He's a natural sprinter, doesn't have the speed over the longer distances."

Fili looked offended.

* * *

Dwalin was a bit disgruntled at first when she explained that she wasn’t putting him straight up the cliff face.

Instead she took them further along the wall and found a good bouldering section. Demonstrating how to spot for each other she showed them a little route up along and down the face, talking them through the holds and showing them how to place feet and hands.

Fili took to it right away, and she spent some time trying to convince Dwalin that he didn’t need to rely so much on his arms. She showed them how to rest on the face and then took them to another section to give them a go at planning their own route.

Then, as the sun sank towards the horizon and they started to get hungry again she finally allowed them a try at the cliff itself.

“I’d recommend boots and anything you don’t want wet off.”

Dwalin laughed. “I’m not going in the water, lass.”

“You will.”

He grumbled as he took his boots and outer layers off.

Vanessa went first. Talking them through the traverse and the first half dozen or so moves. She figured that was high enough.

“Just take it easy." She hung on the face. “You’ll feel when you’re about to fall and just let yourself go.” She demonstrated, pushing slightly away from the face so that she fell neatly into the water.

Fili went first, making it carefully across to the centre and followed her route for a few moves before he got stuck.

“You’ll need to switch feet.” She talked him through it and he managed another move before she noticed his arms starting to shake. “You're coming off.”

“I’m not.”

“You are, let yourself go before you fall.”

It was in another language but it definitely sounded like swearing to Vanessa as Fili pushed himself from the face and dropped into the water. Dwalin laughed beside her happily.

“It’s not a competition, Dwalin," she scolded him as he offered Fili a hand and hauled him out of the pond.

“Of course it is.” He rubbed his hands together and started across the traverse.

* * *

“I think I’ve used muscles today I have never used before,” laughed Fili.

“Aye.” Dwalin agreed from across the table, copying Vanessa as she showed them how to stretch out sore wrists and fingers. “That feels nice.”

“Do you see now why I got you to do all those stretches before we started. Despite all your complaining.” Vanessa held Fili's fingers in place and pushed fingertips into his elbow to massage the tendons there. “How does that feel?”

Fili nodded with a groan. “Good. That feels really good.”

“Here.” Dwalin leaned his big arm over the table. "That's enough for him. Do that to me.”

“I’m not sure I want to know what this is." Thorin placed his hands on Fili’s shoulders and Vanessa froze. Thorin leaned in to the table. "Where is my other sister-son?”

Balin lifted his hands. “We haven’t seen him since this morning. But I'm sure he’s fine, Thorin. If nothing else, the elf woods are perfectly safe.”

“That’s as may be.”

Vanessa didn’t dare lift her head as she released Fili’s fingers slowly, she just knew Thorin's eyes were on her. She heard him sigh heavily.

"His absence has been noted. Bring him to me, Fili.”

Fili nodded and pushed back from the bench.

* * *

Vanessa was watching the door as they walked in, shoulder to shoulder. With a final word in his brother's ear and a clap on the back Fili peeled off back to their table. Her eyes followed Kili as he walked on to the top table alone.

Fili climbed back into his seat and nudged her gently in the ribs. “Don't look so worried, Ness. Now make some space.”

He pushed her down the bench into Nori.

“Nori’s joining us tomorrow, lad," Dwalin spoke to Fili and Vanessa realised she'd missed an entire conversation. “Seems to think he can win. That he can show us all a thing or two.”

“I’ve scaled a few things in my time,” Nori agreed. “Don’t think it’s as difficult as you two are making it out to be. Sure, if a wee lass can do it.”

“It’s really not a competition, Dwalin," Vanessa sighed.

“Hush. You can beat him in a race, then I’ll give him a beating and Fili can beat him up that cliff. Can’t you, lad?”

Fili nodded. “It’s harder than it looks, Nori, there’s nothing to hold on to.” He reached for Vanessa's hand and turned her fingertips towards the rest of the table. “I’m sure whatever she is she's at least part frog.”

“Part spider," added Dwalin. “Goblin maybe.”

“Now hang on,” Vanessa protested.

“I’d have paid good money to have seen you fall into the water before you’d even got started, Dwalin.” Nori grinned at the big dwarf.

"How angry was he?” Nori turned to Vanessa, ignoring Dwalin glowering at him. “On a scale of one to ten?”

“Oh, absolutely apocalyptic. There was a lot of noise.”

“I bet there was.”

Vanessa heard the others call out greetings. Fili released her fingers and the bench dipped as Kili climbed in beside her. He shifted position and with a little pang of sadness Vanessa knew he was doing his best not to touch her. Usually they were all crammed together on the benches, thighs and elbows touching. She felt a reassuring pat on her knee and smiled at Nori gratefully.

As conversations started up again around the table she could hear Balin quizzing Kili about the woods surrounding Rivendell and she watched as he dipped his fingers in his wine glass and traced Balin a map on the table of the valley and it’s exits. Dwalin and Fili joined in with comments of their own and she started when she felt Kili’s breath in her ear.

“Will you talk with me, Ness?”

She nodded and turned so she could look at him properly. “Now?”

“After.”

She felt another little pang of sadness that he couldn't meet her eyes and nodded.

He turned away back to his conversation, dismissing her, and she felt her skin flush again with embarrassment and, she realised, an undercurrent of temper. She prodded his elbow hard and he turned back to her, surprise on his face.

"Are you sure you don't want to talk now?” She kept her voice low, but it was still a bit louder than she'd intended. “It would save you a bit of time having to repeat yourself to them all later on?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, then glanced down the table at the dwarves all suddenly busy with their conversations. “You’re angry with me?”

“Maybe. A little," she whispered back. "It doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.”

“Not here.” Kili looked around the room. Dinner was being cleared and the elves were setting up instruments.

Vanessa noticed him checking that Thorin was looking the other way at the top table.

“Right. Come on then. Quickly.”

He dropped her hand as they walked quickly to the door and out of the hall, lifting a bottle of wine as they left.

* * *

Vanessa took a long drink and handed Kili back the bottle of wine. "Do you want to go first?”

“No.” Kili sighed.

He took a drink and settled back against the warm tiles, leaning his head back to look up at the stars.

They had climbed out the narrow window of a turret and crawled along the roof until they reached a flat section. Hidden away in an alcove they listened to the music and laughter drifting up from the hall far below.

“I just don’t know what to say, Ness. I've spent all day thinking about it and I still-”

“Fine. Fine. Then I’ll go first then.” She scooted across to him and put her hands on his knees.

He jumped, nearly upsetting the bottle, and sat up, looking nervous. “Ness?”

“I need you to look at me.” She moved closer, settling herself onto her knees between his and rearranged her dress. “I need you to look at me and know how sorry I am. I really am. I didn’t mean it the way you thought I meant it.”

He didn’t respond but he was listening so she kept going.

“Look, things are...different here.” Vanessa gestured vaguely at the air around them, “Different from where I’m from. Maybe I’ve just been, well...” She took a deep breath.

"I’ll start again. Look. Kili, I’ve had a few serious relationships. And a few not so serious ones. And sometimes friends...from where I'm from I mean, not here. Sometimes when they've had a few too many drinks...well, sometimes things can just happen. Do you know what I mean?"

“Your friend? Are you telling me something about your friend James? Did he...?"

She watched him thinking. 

"Do you think...I'm like him?" Kili's voice started to rise. "Do you think I would-"

"No, no." Vanessa cut him off frantically. This was going badly again. "Not you, Kili. Not you. I meant me.” She gave his knees a shake to get his attention. "I meant me. I thought maybe I'd done something. To you.”

“You thought you’d done something to me? What could you have done?” Kili was incredulous. “You were drunk.”

“I didn’t know. Nothing? Anything? That's why I asked you. I thought I might have, oh I don’t know..." He watched her flap her hands about as she looked for the least embarassing words.

“Kissed you." Vanessa could feel her face burning. “Or something.”

An excruciating silence as Kili looked at her curiously, his head tilted. “Why would you think-” .

“Don’t. Don’t make this any worse than it has to be. Please. This really is bad enough. Just, believe me when I say that sometimes people where I’m from do things when they’re drunk that they wouldn't do sober.”

“People do that here too.” Kili smiled at her and pulled her down beside him, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and holding her close. “But not me. I promise you. Come here.”

Vanessa closed her eyes as he weaved his fingers into her hair, his fingers scratching her scalp. It felt nice. Comforting. “Can you forgive me, Kili?”

He shifted slightly and she felt him press his lips to the top of her head. “There’s nothing to forgive, I didn't understand. I thought you thought I had-”

“No, never." 

She felt his fingers tighten in her hair.

“I’ll never hurt you, Ness.”

“I know.”

* * *

“Don’t you be falling asleep on me up here.”

“I’m not.” Vanessa lied as she opened her eyes..“I was listening.” She disentangled herself and stood, stretching. “That’s quite the party they’re having down there tonight.”

“It sounds like it." Kili got to his feet and moved to the roof edge, looking down over the low wall to the grass below.

Vanessa joined him and they watched the dancing shadows move on the grass. “Do you think any of the Company are up dancing?”

Kili snorted, “I doubt it.”

“Why? Do dwarves not dance?”

He looked a little offended. “Have you not heard us singing? Of course we dance. Not to elf music though. Not here. Not with them. You’ll see when we're in Erebor. Thorin will gather the other dwarf lords and their kin and there'll be huge parties with dancing until dawn.” 

Vanessa stopped swaying to the music as he stared at her. "What?"

“Not that we can’t dance to this. It’s all the same after all. Here, I’ll show you.” Pulling her well back from the edge he positioned her in front of him.

“Wait, no." Vanessa suddenly realised what he was intending. "No. I really haven’t had enough to drink for this. I don't dance sober."

He shushed her. “Behave yourself. I’ll show you now and then when you get asked up to dance by some dwarf lord in Erebor you’ll know what to do.” Placing a hand in the small of her back he pulled her close, looking down between them to push her feet into position using his.

“I don't know how to dance like this. Where do I put my hands?”

“Anywhere you like, Ness.” Kili looked up at her innocently through his hair then grinned. “No, not really. That sort of thing would get you into a lot of trouble in Erebor. Here.”

He lifted her left hand to his shoulder and took her right in his left. Placing his right hand gently again in the small of her back he smiled at her. “Remember to breathe, Ness.”

“Less of your cheek." Vanessa kicked him gently and felt him press her tighter, taking her breath away once again.

“Don’t muck about with your feet, I had them where I wanted them. Now pay attention.”


	13. Shiny things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Rivendell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make no apologies, staying in Rivendell for a bit. It's all fluff here. For now anyway.

“Ready. On my mark. Remember, girl, you don’t need to win, you just need to not come last.” Dwalin raised his arm. “Go.”

Before they were at the tree that marked the halfway point the runners were split into two groups. Fili and Kili were ahead by half a dozen strides and pulling away, but she was keeping up with Nori. As the brothers skidded round the tree Vanessa saw them jostle and shove at each other, each trying to take the lead. Their mucking about almost giving her and Nori a chance to catch up.

A final heavy clash and Fili sprinted away. Kili hit the ground directly ahead of them and they leapt and dodged around him as he rolled back to his feet. 

Vanessa felt herself begin to pull away from Nori and then Kili was back and at her shoulder and overtaking to beat her over the line. He didn’t slow down, running straight at Fili who was howling triumphantly.

“Well done, lass.” Dwalin clapped her on the shoulder as she got her breath back.

“I’m not really much of a sprinter," coughed Nori beside her into his knees.

“Right you two, that’s enough!" yelled Dwalin over his shoulder, not even bothering to look. He smiled at her. "I'm not sure they'll ever grow out of it."

Vanessa watched as Fili released Kili's arms and pushed himself to standing, offering Kili a hand up from the grass.

Sending the brothers away to run laps of the pond Dwalin threw practice swords at her and Nori. 

* * *

“Oh, well done, Ness.” Fili cheered as she staggered and just about managed to stay on her feet after blocking a heavy blow from Nori.

“You’re being a bit rough on her, Dwalin,” called Kili from his spot sprawled on the grass.

“You tell that to the first orc she runs into, see how that goes for her. Ready yourself, lass. Again, Nori.”

Vanessa and Nori collapsed on the grass as the boys got up and moved to the pile of practice swords.

Fili lifted one in each hand and spun them as he smiled at his brother, Kili ignoring him and picking through the swords until he found one he was happy with before he lifted the shield.

“Wait, lads, wait.” Dwalin walked over to Vanessa and pulled her to her feet, talking her through their stances. “I said wait, Kili. I’ll let you go in a moment. Winner stays on to fight Nori.”

“What?” Nori sat up.

With a final 'Watch their feet' to her, Dwalin signalled to start.

Vanessa watched carefully as they circled each other and then it all got a bit fast and hard to follow. To her they seemed evenly matched.

Nori was standing beside her, watching intently. "That’s it, Kili, wear him out," he muttered.

Vanessa glanced at him questioningly.

“Sorry, lass, but unless Fili does something daft it’s only a matter of time. But the longer Kili keeps him busy the more tired he’ll be when he's battering me.”

With a loud crack Fili broke one of his sparring swords across Kili's shield, he flung it away and shouted for another. Vanessa scrambled to grab one for him as Kili threw himself at his brother, trying to take advantage and earning himself a solid kick in the ribs for his trouble. As Kili staggered Fili swept his legs out from under him, the point of Fili’s remaining practice sword touching his brothers throat as he landed heavily on his back.

“Well done, Fili.” Dwalin clapped and helped Kili to his feet, pushing him in Vanessa and Nori's direction.

“I don't expect this'll take long," said Nori as he took the sword from her and tossed it to Fili, picking up one in each hand for himself. He nodded at Kili as he limped towards them. “You did well, lad.”

“Thanks." Kili touched his ribs. “Give him a kicking for me, would you?”

“M'lord.” Nori gave a small bow and grinned. “I’ll do my best.” 

They watched as he walked off toward a beckoning Fili, Dwalin grinning beside him. Whilst they got ready to start Vanessa turned to Kili and pressed a hand flat against his ribs. She wasn't sure what broken ribs should feel like but imagined it would be obvious. He looked down at her curiously. 

She ran her hand along his side, trying not to press too hard. “Does it hurt to breathe? That sounded really painful.”

Kili smiled at her and covered her hand lightly with his. “I'm fine. Honestly. It’s feeling better already.”

Dwalin coughed pointedly. She dropped her hand and felt herself colour. "Take your time, lass. Don’t you mind us,” he called as Fili and Nori snickered beside him.

* * *

Nori managed to hold Fili off for a while but was soon groaning and cursing on the grass. Dwalin placed a boot on his shoulder and rolled him out of the way, lifting the swords.

“Oh yes, here we go now!” shouted Kili happily, grinning at her. "This will be good."

Fili spun his swords and lowered himself into a crouch as Dwalin approached him slowly. Kili darted forward and pulled Nori to his feet, moving all of them back towards the pond. "Let’s give these two a bit more space, I think.”

Vanessa stood open mouthed as she watched Fili and Dwalin launch themselves at each other with a roar. Almost straight away one of Dwalin's swords shattered and he swept up the shield, nearly knocking Fili off his feet in the same motion as he dodged away. Nori and Kili were cheering loudly and shouting encouragement at Fili.

She touched Kili’s shoulder. “Should we stop this?” She winced as the two hammered at each other. “Before someone gets seriously hurt.”

Nori snorted and Kili laughed. “It’s just a bit of fun, Ness.” He glanced down at her before looking back to his brother, she felt his fingers lightly brush the palm of her hand. “Honestly, it is. I haven’t seen Dwalin and Fee spar properly in forever. Dwalin used to batter us into the ground all the time when he was training us, but I think he could be in trouble now.”

Nori nodded vigorously in agreement, as Fili knocked Dwalin back a step. “Go on, Fili, keep on at him!”

* * *

They settled down on the grass for a long lunch in the sun.

Fili stretched out when he finished and kicked off his boots and socks, wriggling bare toes into the grass. "We should do that more often, Dwalin. I really thought I had you there.”

Dwalin laughed happily. “Not yet, lad, not yet.”

Nori sent a smoke ring out over the pond. “You got lucky.”

“Aye,” Kili agreed, “the elves aren't expecting any of those practice swords back in one piece, are they?”

“Maybe. If they knew I’d taken them." Dwalin folded his arms under his head as he relaxed back onto the grass. “Flimsy substandard things anyway. We did them a favour.”

“Are you feeling any more confident, Ness?” Fili reached out and rested a hand on her head.

Vanessa sighed, looking up at the clouds through his fingers. “Funnily enough, no I'm not.” She had a little think as he tapped her nose, smiling despite herself. “Well, maybe a bit. Just not in my abilities. Stop that." Shaking him off she craned her neck to look at Dwalin. “I suppose that was the point.”

He looked back at her. “We've all got our strengths, lass. Yours is never going to be the same as the lads, or even Nori's. Whatever his is.” Dwalin raised an arm to deflect a piece of practice sword from Nori's direction. “But all I need you to do for now is recognise when you’re outclassed and remember that if you can’t get yourself away then keep moving and blocking and stay on your feet until one of us gets to you.”

She sighed again and Nori kicked her. “Right, enough of that. Up you get. These two had a head start on us yesterday.”

Vanessa took Nori and Kili to the same section that she had started the others on the previous day. Dwalin and Fili soon joined them, mainly to heckle but she could see them nodding along as she explained the different holds and demonstrated the bouldering route.

Nori picked it up quickly, moving confidently along the rock. Kili however kept falling off, although Vanessa felt that was partly because Fili kept making him laugh. So she ordered Fili and Dwalin off to another section and ran between the two sets, trying to make sure they weren’t doing anything too dangerous the moment she had her back turned.

Once her new students had some practise she swapped Dwalin with Nori, ignoring Fili's protests that he should be partnered with his brother.

“You’re too distracting, go with Nori.”

Keeping an eye on them she worked with Dwalin and Kili until she felt they’d done enough for the day.

* * *

They stood at the base of the cliff.

Kili knelt and dipped his fingers in the pond. “It's cold.”

“You will end up in there, Kili.” Fili nodded with a smile. “But the likelihood is you won't have too far to fall."

Kili grumbled as he kicked off his boots and pulled off his tunic. He joined the others. “Who’s first?”

“Watch the lass first." Dwalin nodded at Vanessa. “Go on, girl. Let’s see you.”

Vanessa headed out to the starting point and demonstrated the first moves. She was telling Nori and Kili how to fall when Nori stopped her.

"I don't think so. You’ll need to go higher than that, I’m not stopping there.”

Once she reached the big overhang he allowed her to jump off. Thank goodness, Vanessa thought to herself as she dropped into the water, her arms shaking. Kili hauled her out.

“Right then, who’s going first?” Nori looked at the others. "I'll go last so I can see what I’m up against. Dwalin? You may as well get yours over with.”

“See if you can get out there this time, Dwalin.” Fili added helpfully.

Dwalin glowered at them all.

“Don’t listen to them.” Vanessa moved to the starting point and waved him forward. “Remember, keep your weight close to the rock, and don't forget to use your legs.”

They fished him out a few minutes later, looking pleased with himself.

Kili went next, nearly slipping from the ledge to catcalls from the others but managing to hold himself on. He made it to the same hold as Dwalin before sliding off and landing in the water with an angry shout. They dragged him out, Fili clapping him on the shoulders with a cheerful “Never mind, little brother,” as Kili shook himself off.

Fili took his position, cracking his knuckles and stretching. “Do you want me to help you or keep quiet?” she asked.

“Definitely help me.”

He set off and she called out as much direction as she could for him. No heckling this time, she thought. Probably because the ringleader was busy.

Fili made it halfway before he slowed and shortly after they heard the cursing start. She could see his leg shaking. “That’s you, come on down.”

He flung himself backwards and splashed into the water. She heard Kili and Dwalin congratulating him as they pulled him out.

Nori appeared at her elbow. He was rubbing dust into his fingers. “Hope he hasn’t sweated all over everything. I'll be needing your help as well, lass.”

Even Fili was quiet as they watched Nori swarm up the wall. She thought he'd lost it just before the halfway point but somehow he held on and managed a little further. Just enough to pass Fili's highest point.

“Knew he was part spider,” Dwalin said to the others as he trailed a crowing Nori from the pond.

Fili held out a hand to Nori. “Well done, another try tomorrow?”

Kili was looking up at the cliff thoughtfully. “So, are we going off the top then?”

He looked around the others. “Can’t get any wetter, can we?”

* * *

“I thought you at least would have shown more sense, brother.” Balin looked disapprovingly at Dwalin and then across the table at Fili. “And as for you.”

Fili laughed happily. “Look, Ness showed us how.”

“Oh, thanks, Fili.”

He refilled her glass. “She showed us how to jump off safely. Even talked Kili out of going headfirst.”

None of them mentioned having to wrestle Kili back from the edge and pinning him to the ground whilst Vanessa angrily ticked off the reasons on her fingers why headfirst was a bad idea.

“That probably wouldn’t have ended well, to be fair.” Kili conceded amicably from her other side.

“No. It probably wouldn’t have,” agreed Balin. “Fools, the whole lot of you.”

Vanessa lowered her head with the others, exchanging grins. A good day, she thought happily. Kili had whispered to her that he’d spoken with Thorin and reassured his uncle that they had had a misunderstanding. And that he'd explained to the remainder of the Company first thing that morning.

What exactly he’d explained to them wasn’t quite clear, but the awkwardness was gone so that’s all that mattered in the end.

Happy and content she looked out of the wide window down to the grass below, the dancing was about to begin. She watched the musicians set up and elves spill down the steps from the great hall and out on to the grass. They pulled tables and chairs out on to the grass, leaving a space clear for the dancers who started to drift out, twirling gracefully to the music.

The voices of the Company rose and fell around her as she watched the elves spin with their partners, join into formations and break apart again into their pairs. It was hypnotic, she thought, she could watch it all night.

“Just ignore them, lass.” Dwalin’s voice woke her.

“Sorry?”

“The elves." Fili nodded towards the dancers and she saw Elladan waving up at her from one of the tables.

He disappeared from view and then he was at the top of the steps. “Come on, Vanessa.” He saw her hesitate. "Come on, you promised.”

She started to get up. “I really don’t think I did." To the table she asked, “I don’t want to go by myself, who’s coming with me?” She looked at Kili pleadingly.

“No.”

“Fili?”

Fili just laughed into his glass in response.

“Oh please, I don’t want to go on my own.”

“Oh for...” Bofur pushed himself up. “You owe me.”

She clambered out and bounced around the table to him. “Thank you, Bofur.”

“If Thorin leaves me here, and he might. Then I want you to remember that it’s all your fault.” He drained his glass. “Come on then.”

They walked down the stairs to loud cheers from the elves, who pulled them on to the dance floor and separated them. Elladan talked Vanessa quickly through the steps, then laughed at her confused face. “Just follow me.”

As he span her around she kept catching glimpses of Bofur dancing with a elf she didn’t recognise, he looked happy enough. And like he knew what he was doing.

She met him at the table on the grass and he handed her a glass of wine.

"You look like you need this, lass.”

“Thanks, I've no idea what’s going on. They're too fast, I’m just trying not to fall over.”

Elladan had saved her a few times already, lifting her completely off her feet on some of the turns and laughing.

Bofur tutted and set his glass down. “There’s nothing to it. Come on, finish up and I’ll show you something a bit less twirly.”

Vanessa drained the glass and he led her out into the dancers again.

"Now, lass, this is our dancing. Not quite as fancy as the elvish stuff I'll grant you, but it’ll still work to this music.” He pulled her to him and she got herself into position as Kili had shown her, relieved that this was something she at least vaguely knew.

Bofur looked at her curiously. “O-ho, well that’s very interesting. Not such an open book after all. All ready then? Good. Let’s see what he’s taught you.”

He moved her round the floor at the elves quick tempo, Vanessa squeaked as he spun her and pulled her back to him confidently. This was nothing like her dance lesson from Kili.

“Having fun, lass?”

She nodded breathlessly and he grinned back at her.

“Me too. But I suspect...” Bofur looked over her shoulder. “Ah, and there he is. Surprised it took him this long." Lowering his voice Bofur whispered in her ear, “A word to the wise. They can be a little possessive about their shiny things, the Durins. Bit of a family trait, you might say."

“What?” She looked behind her as Bofur slowed them to a stop.

“All yours, Prince Kili.” Bofur released her and the two dwarves eyed each other briefly before Bofur bowed and stepped back, disappearing into the spinning crowd.

Kili stepped forward and pulled her close to him with a smile. "Are you ready, Ness?”

* * *

“We should probably try and do something." Oin looked out the window then back at Fili.

“I think it’s a bit too late for that,” said Bofur with a laugh.

“Leave him alone." Fili smiled, leaning out the window to better see the two dark heads moving across the grass. “We all like Ness.”

Balin looked across at Fili with narrowed eyes. "I know you're not that naive, so don’t pretend to be.” He swept his gaze around the rest of the Company. “She's a perfectly nice, whatever she is, and I’m fond of her myself but she is most definitely not a dwarf.” Balin rapped the table smartly for emphasis. “Amongst other things, and that's where it ends.”

“Right,” Bofur said, setting his glass down, “I’ve an idea but it'll need all of you, I’m not going down for this on my own. You’d all best drink up. And don’t any of you make eye contact with Thorin.”

* * *

Vanessa looked up at Kili as they moved amongst the other dancers, music flowing around them. He smiled back at her and pressed his forehead to hers gently. Heart pounding she slid her hand from his shoulder to curl her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Oh, Ness,” he breathed, his hand tightening against her back as he pressed her closer. “My Ness.”

They felt the music change and the other dancers slow.

A deep drumbeat started from nearby, then a second beat joined the first.

Kili slowed them to a stop with a laugh. “What are they doing?” With his arms still wrapped around her he nodded in the direction of the hall. “Look.”

They watched as the Company walked down the steps and onto the grass, the elves moving back to clear a wide space.

Bilbo ran across to them. “Come on, Ness. You come with me.” He pulled her out of Kili’s arms and they ran quickly across to Elladan's table.

Handing her a glass Elladan smiled at her warmly. “This should be good. I didn’t think we were going to see any proper dwarven dancing. Although I’m not sure our drums will hold out to this.” He pointed towards the elven musicians and Vanessa turned to see Bombur and Dori amongst them, each with a drum and shouting directions to the elves.

Turning back she watched as Kili ran across to join the Company, Fili greeting him with a huge hug that lifted his younger brother off his feet. Then they grasped right forearms, the drums picked up the tempo and with a shout they were off.

The elves were clapping and stamping along and Vanessa and Bilbo joined in. Gandalf leant in between them, making them both jump. “Well, this is a bit of a surprise isn’t it!” he shouted at them merrily.

Vanessa glanced over her shoulder to see Elrond standing with his sons smiling and clapping along.

“Ah, and there he is." Gandalf poked them both and pointed towards the hall. They all watched as Thorin strode slowly down the steps and through the Company. Without slowing the dwarves made space for him beside his nephews who shouted happily as he joined them.

They stopped when the drums gave out, by which time some of the elves had joined in, coaxed by Bofur and Ori.

Elladan laughed his way back to the table arm in arm with Elrond and Elrohir. “That was great, although I do feel a bit like I need to fight someone now.”

“Don’t look at me,” laughed his brother as the Company joined them. Pushing tables together, dragging in chairs and sending Ori and Nori away to find wine. The elves flowed past them back to restart their dancing.

“What did you think?” Fili appeared at her side and slung an arm around her shoulders, grinning happily, his cheeks lightly flushed. “How did we do?”

“You were great, Fili.”

“Bit better than all that elvish twirling about eh?”

She laughed, “I noticed you doing a bit of ‘twirling about' too!”

“Completely different, Ness. We’ll have to educate you.” He gave her a squeeze, took her glass from her and drained it.


	14. Dwarves do not know of these matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thorin decides it's time to leave Rivendell - but not for everyone.

Nori laughed happily, adding the coins to his growing pile. "Thanks, lads. I mightn't need to go near a dragon at this rate.”

Fili flipped another coin into the centre. “One more round and then that’s it. I’m out.” He eyed Nori suspiciously. “I feel like I’m being robbed.”

“I’m in.” Kili pushed two coins in. “So are you, Ness. Don’t throw it away this time.”

“If someone explained the rules it might help. Or, you know, even if you all kept to a language I can understand.”

“You’ll pick it up as you go along." Oin threw a coin in. "You did better that time.”

She looked at her cards and rotated her shoulder, Dwalin had worked her hard today. Although she suspected that he let her have a go at attacking Nori mainly to entertain himself.

Kili had promised to take her out for an early morning archery lesson the next day. He'd asked her not to mention it to anyone. It would be just the two of them. They hadn’t managed to spend as much as a moment alone together since their dance, but there had been looks and smiles and the occasional brush of fingers that set her pulse to spiking. All in all Vanessa had herself more than half convinced that something had shifted between them.

She shifted on her seat, feeling a little flutter of nervous excitement. Of course it could just be an archery lesson and a load of mixed messages, she reminded herself, calm down.

“It’s either a good hand or you’re getting better at bluffing, Ness.” Fili nudged her thigh with his knee.

She stared at the table, then at her hand and back to the table. Her turn already.

They all looked up as the door to Thorin’s rooms opened and Balin peered out and around the Company spread throughout the large parlour. His eyes fell on her and he smiled kindly. “Ah, there you are. Can you come in here, lass?”

She exchanged looks with the others, Nori waved Bofur over. “Take her cards, Bofur. Go on, girl, don’t keep him waiting.”

Vanessa handed over her cards and Bofur took her seat. She walked across the room, suddenly nervous. Balin closed the door behind her and led her over to the table where Gandalf and Thorin were sitting. He pulled out a chair politely and she sat down. Balin patted her shoulder and went to stand with Dwalin by the window.

“Vanessa,” began Thorin, “I have good news for you.” He bent his head and looked her directly in the eyes. “Lord Elrond has offered you a place here, in his halls, for as long as you need it.”

“Oh." Vanessa stared at him, remembered her manners. “That’s...very kind of him.”

Thorin placed a large hand on top of hers and said kindly, “I know you may have expected to continue with us but you’ll agree with me that this is a much better outcome. Better than I could have hoped for you. You will be safe here. You have made friends among the elves already. And who knows but perhaps there will be elves who can help you to return to your world.”

He smiled at her and patted her hand. “Dwarves do not know of these matters.”

“You're leaving?”

“Yes. I received some news this evening. Our time grows short and we must away at first light.”

“Oh." She found she couldn't go on around the sudden lump in her throat. They were abandoning her. “Oh.”

“I intend to tell the others now. They will want to say their farewells. I know they have become very fond of you.” He took her hand in both of his. “We all have. You’ve done very well and we will miss your company, but we'll be happy that you have a home here.”

She nodded, unable to trust herself to speak. Thorin patted her hand a final time and stood. Gandalf gave her the ghost of a smile.

“Thorin.” Balin held up a hand to stop Thorin as he reached for the door. “Give the girl a moment to gather herself.”

Dwalin walked across and lifted her bodily to her feet. “Get your head up. I know you’re disappointed but this is for the best.”

Still nodding sadly Vanessa sniffed and wiped her eyes. She heard the door click closed behind Thorin. Dwalin sighed and pulled her into a tight hug, she flung her arms around him and sobbed into his chest.

“What’s she saying, brother?” asked Balin after a few moments.

“I don’t know, can’t make it out." Dwalin untangled Vanessa's arms and held her away.

She hiccupped miserably.

"Get a hold of yourself, lass. It’s not as if we're leaving you somewhere terrible.”

“I know, I know.” She sniffed as Dwalin roughly wiped her tears away with the palm of his hand, muttering about not being able to send her out in that state. “I’m sorry, I’m not ungrateful, please don’t think I’m ungrateful. I’m just going to miss you all." Her voice cracked again and she swallowed hard. "What will I do here all by myself?"

Balin patted her on the shoulder kindly. "That’s the shock talking, lass. You'll be fine, and this won’t do at all. You’ll make yourself ill, and you'll upset the lads. Us dwarves aren't the best with tears you know. There. That’s better.” He smiled down at her as she managed a watery smile back. “Deep breath now, are you ready?”

Dwalin gave her a little push out into the room as Thorin finished speaking. Thorin said his goodbye and gave her a brief hug then she moved around the Company, trying to keep sadness out of her voice. She heard herself wish everyone the best of luck.

She felt like she was doing quite well. Oin gave her a bit of a wobble and Bofur nearly set her off as he hugged her warmly and kissed her forehead with a 'We'll miss you, lass' but she managed to keep herself just about together. 

She realised her mistake when she reached Fili and Kili.

"I shouldn’t have left you two until last.” Her voice cracked and she tried to hide it with a smile but it felt weak. "I can’t say goodbye to you, I don't-”

Fili pulled her forward and they both wrapped their arms tightly around her. She felt fresh tears start as Fili held her close against his shoulder and Kili rubbed her neck and pressed his forehead to hers.

“It’s not forever, Ness,” Fili whispered into her hair. “It’s just for a little while. You'll see us again before you know it.”

Gandalf untangled her from the boys.

“Come on now, let her go you two, I said let her go, Kili. It’s late and you’ve all got an early start in the morning. Good night everybody.”

A final chorus of goodbyes and take cares and Gandalf shoved her out into the passageway and closed the door behind them.

“Gandalf-”

“You did well. Really." He looked down into her teary face. “Come on, let’s go find you a nice big drink. I think something a little stronger than wine is required.”


	15. Will you be here waiting for me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye Kili!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit fluffy and a bit smutty.

It was late as Vanessa walked down the corridor towards her room. Gandalf had taken her to see Lord Elrond. They'd given her a large glass of something like brandy and then they had sprung the Lady Galadriel on her, who was more than a little terrifying.

Deep in thought she gave a surprised squeak and jumped as a shadow detached itself from the wall beside her door. "Kili,” she sighed with relief. “You scared me.”

“I didn’t know." He stepped forward into the starlight. “I didn’t know you wouldn't be coming with us.”

“I know.” She stepped closer to him and tried out a smile, it felt a bit wobbly. "I’m going to miss you all so much, especially you.”

“Me?”

“Of course, of course I'll miss you the most.”

He pulled her forward into a hug and spoke into her hair, “That's good because I’ll miss you too, Ness. I know that you’ll be safe and looked after and you should stay here. I know it's the best possible option for you, but that won’t stop me missing you.”

“I suppose I'll just have to ask the elves to teach me archery now.”

“Don’t you dare."

She heard the smile in his voice.

“I promised to teach you. So you’ll just have to be patient and wait.” He pulled her tighter and she felt his chest rise as he took a deep breath. “Will you wait for me, Ness? If I come back for you when this is all over will you be here waiting for me?”

She nodded into his neck, not quite trusting herself to speak.

He ran fingers through her hair and tilted her head back to look at him. “Ness?”

“Yes, I’ll wait. I’ll be here." She felt a tear slide down her cheek, followed by another. “I’m sorry. I can’t stop crying tonight. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Kili pressed his forehead to hers and brushed a tear away with his fingers. “As soon as this is over I’ll come back for you. I’ll come to you and we'll travel together to Erebor. If that’s what you want.” Gently he kissed another tear from her cheek and a third from the corner of her mouth. She felt him take a breath against her skin as her heart pounded loudly in her ears. "I’m yours, Ness, I’m yours completely. If you want me.”

“Kili, I-” 

“I don’t need an answer now,” he whispered, his lips brushing hers, “but if you can tell me, do I have hope?” He paused, and added uncertainly, “Do you think you could love me, Ness?”

Vanessa pressed her lips against his in response and felt his surprised intake of breath. "Yes,” she whispered. “Yes. I could, I think I already do. How could you not know?”

He kissed her gently and they broke apart, smiling happily at each other.

“How long before I see you again?”

Kili shook his head. “As soon as I can, I promise you. I won’t be away a day longer than I have to be.” Lifting her hand he pressed a kiss to her knuckles before placing another light kiss on the pulse at her wrist, Vanessa heard herself give a little involuntary moan and felt his lips curve into a smile against her skin. "I should go.”

She nodded, unable to speak.

With a final light kiss on her forehead, a whispered 'Take care, Ness' and a smile he walked away.

She had meant to let him go, she thought to herself afterwards, but her body was moving before her mind could catch up. Then she was in his arms and she wasn't sure who kissed who first but it didn't matter.

Wrapped around each other they stumbled back to her room, Kili’s hand fumbling with the door handle as they kissed urgently. She ground her hips against his as the door swung open and smiled to hear him groan.

Pushing her inside he slammed the door closed and turned the key, then they were kicking off boots frantically, still kissing hard. She had started to undo the laces on his tunic when he grasped her wrists.

“Ness. Ness, stop.”

She stopped and stared at him, both of them breathing heavily.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Ness?”

“Yes.” Perhaps I should have hesitated slightly, she thought as he raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, Kili. I'm sure I want to do this." She stepped closer and stood on tiptoe to whisper in his ear. “I want you to make me yours.”

That seemed to do the trick, he was unlacing her dress and as it puddled to the floor he kissed her and untied her shift and it joined the dress. Walking her backwards he pushed her gently down onto the bed and nudged her legs apart with his knees.

“One of us is wearing far too many clothes.” She reached for him and he pushed her hands away, gently shushing her.

“I want to look at you, Ness." He nudged her legs further apart and knelt between them. “I want to touch you.” 

Skimming his hands lightly from her ankles to her hips he frowned slightly as his thumb ran across the scars on her thigh. He leaned in and pressed his lips to the mark, before raising his head to look at her. 

"No-one will hurt you again, Ness. I won't let them."

She made some small noise as he continued to run his hands over her, across her belly and breasts and from shoulders to fingertips, leaning forward to press his lips to hers. Vanessa arched her body against his as he began to trail light kisses down her neck, making her shiver.

“Kili," she heard herself whimper. “Please.”

He sat up and unlaced his tunic, pulling it followed by his shirt over his head and throwing them to the floor.

Vanessa reached forward and hooked her fingers into the waistband of his trousers. "Come here," she smiled at him, "please."

He allowed her to pull him down until his hips were lightly resting on hers. As he kissed her Vanessa slid a hand under his laces and wrapped her fingers around him, smiling as he made a little noise of surprise.

"I think it's well past time these came off," she murmured into his mouth, stroking him as he groaned and rolled his hips against her.

He was faster than she was, catching her hand and stopping her from unlacing him. Vanessa made a little noise of frustration and tried again. He sat up quickly with a laugh and grasped at her other hand. “No, Ness, stop. Please. Just for a moment.”

She stopped and looked at him, a bit confused.

He leaned in and kissed her again, releasing her hands so he could cup her face. "I haven't done this before. And you...I don't want to hurt you."

"You haven't...?" That hadn't occurred to her. "What, never?"

He shook his head, his hair tickling her face as she stared up at him. "And you shouldn't count what happened to you, Ness." 

I don't know what happened to me, Vanessa thought sadly. She pushed that thought away and focused again on Kili. 

He kissed her. "So it'll be the first time for both of us."

Vanessa considered not saying anything before deciding against it. "Do you remember when I said that I'd been in relationships before?" She watched as he thought about that, their faces inches apart. 

"Yes, I remember." He thought a little more. "Have you kissed someone before?"

Vanessa took a deep breath. "A bit more than that."

His face darkened for a heartbeat, but then it was gone and Vanessa wasn't sure it hadn't just been a trick of the light.

"It doesn't matter." He kissed her lightly and smiled. "It's your first time here, in this world."

She nodded enthusiastically and ran her hands over his shoulders and chest, following the trail of dark hair to his belly. That would do, if it made him happy and got things back on track. "And with you." She reminded him as she started to slowly unlace him. 

"And with me." 

"And you're still wearing too many clothes."

* * *

As they lay wrapped up in the rumpled sheets, he stroked her contentedly. “My Ness.”

Vanessa wriggled back against him happily and felt him run fingers over the scars on her thigh again before he wrapped his arms around her tightly, kissing the top of her head.

“Never again, Ness. Not while I draw breath. I promise you.”

She placed her hands over his and closed her eyes. “My Kili.”

We can’t fall asleep, she thought, I’ll move in a minute.

* * *

She woke with a start, remembering, and heard his even breathing behind her. His arm tightened around her and he murmured something in his sleep.

“Kili,” she whispered, wriggling around to face him, “Kili. You need to wake up, daybreak isn’t far away.”

He pressed her tightly to him and opened his eyes, glancing towards the window and muttering something she now recognised as Khuzdul. 

She could feel him hard against her and slid her leg across him to sit on his chest. He grinned happily as he took a hold of her hips and lifted his against her.

"Morning, my Ness.”

“Do we have time?” she smiled at him as he nodded and pulled her down to him for a deep kiss.

She was lying on his chest listening to his heart slowing whilst he stroked her hair and murmured her name when the knock on the door startled them. Surprised they stared at each other and she saw Kili start to smile. She put a hand over his mouth and felt him bite gently at the meat of her thumb.

“Ness?” A voice called quietly from behind the door.

“Bofur?”

“Sorry to wake you, lass. Look...er...we seem to have misplaced a prince and I’ve been sent to ask..." He coughed. “Anyway, I expect you haven’t seen him, you don’t need to say anything. Don't tell me anything. I'm sorry for wakening you. He'll be out mooning about in the elf woods somewhere I would imagine.”

Kili made an indignant noise under her hand and she shushed him.

She could hear the smile in Bofur’s voice as he spoke again. "I’m sure he'll turn up when he's finished pouting, he always does. We’ve his things all packed and we'll be at the bridge in about half an hour, a bit longer if we can stall Thorin. But I expect he'll be there before us, with a story of falling asleep somewhere or some such nonsense. Goodbye, lass, you take care.”

“You too Bofur,” she called quietly. “Goodbye.” She took her hand away from Kili’s mouth as they heard Bofur's heavy boots moving away, and quickly replaced it as they heard him rush back.

“I’m sure when he does turn up he'll apologise to all for us for having to listen to his uncle for the last hour. And especially to his poor brother who's had the ears chewed clean off him. Anyway better go, bye bye, lass.”

Footsteps disappeared down the corridor.

“He’s gone,” she whispered, sitting up. “You are going to have to go.”

“I know.” He pulled her down onto his chest and held her tightly before releasing her. “I know.”

They gathered his clothes and he dressed quickly then helped her into her dress, lacing up the ties for her.

“I could easily get used to this, Ness.” He kissed her forehead as he finished.

“Me too.” She smiled up at him, determined not to cry and took his hand. “Come on, I’ll leave you to the steps.”

At the top of the external staircase he held her and promised her he would be careful before he kissed her goodbye. A slow, tender kiss that left her breathless and wanting to drag him back to her room and lock the door. 

She watched as he ran down the steps and away from her along the path, turning to wave back and smile before he was gone out of sight.


	16. Take me with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Galadriel and Gandalf try to help.

Vanessa sighed heavily and gave herself a shake. Go up to the turret, she thought, should be able to just see the bridge from there.

Wiping suddenly wet eyes she turned and squeaked with fright. "Gandalf!" She clutched her chest. "You scared the...how long have you been here?”

“Let’s say I’ve just arrived shall we? That’s probably best all round.” He smiled at her and peered past and out over the valley. “Right. I think up to the turret and we may be able to see them leaving.”

She followed him. "You’re not going with them?”

“I’ve some business here to finish,” he harrumphed. “An unexpected meeting to attend. But as soon as I can get away I’ll follow and catch them up. Don’t you worry, I’ll keep a good eye on them for you.”

She smiled behind him as they climbed up the steps into the uppermost turret.

* * *

Back in her room she bathed and tidied up, trying very hard not to think about walking into the hall for breakfast all by herself.

Think about sleeping indoors, she told herself, hot baths whenever you want them and an actual dinner table. No snoring. 

She missed them already. 

Lifting a pillow she gave it a vigorous shake. Something hit the floor and skittered under the bed.

No riding all day in the rain and then camping in the rain. Vanessa nodded as she added that one to her list. That had been grim. She dropped to her knees and groped about under the bed. No trolls. Or wolves. No orcs on wolves. No need to know how long a goblin's arms are. Or what a goblin even is.

No dragon.

Her fingers brushed something smooth, closed around it. 

No dragon, she reminded herself as her thumb ran across the carved runes. 

* * *

Gandalf found her barefoot and halfway along a tricky bouldering route later that afternoon. “What are you doing out here?”

“I am thinking. Or not thinking, I suppose.” She swung herself across to the next hold. “Thinking about something else really. I’m sorry, I’ll be better company later.”

“Hmm,” Gandalf said, looking at her clambering along barely a few feet above the ground. He shrugged and walked along beside her. "Very well. As it happens the Lady Galadriel and I have been talking and there's something she would like to try.”

Vanessa stopped and dropped to the ground, dusting off her hands. “Talking about me?”

“Oh yes, you’re very interesting. A curiosity. She would like to help you if she can.”

“To help me stay?”

“If she can."

Vanessa felt a little thrill. “Thank you, I’ll try anything. Anything.”

He smiled at her. "Good, well, that’s very good. Anything it is. Come on then, no time like the present and all that.”

* * *

Vanessa watched as the Lady filled a large bowl with liquid and turned to them, smiling kindly. She suddenly felt very small and untidy in her dusty tunic and trousers. 

I should have changed, she thought, fingers brushing over the runestone in her pocket.

“Will you look into the mirror?”

“What will I see?” Vanessa paused, feeling something else was required. She added an attempt at a curtsey. “M’lady”

Galadriel beckoned her forward. Vanessa moved towards her reluctantly as Gandalf gave her a hard little push with his fingertips.

The tall elf smiled slightly. “Even the wisest cannot tell, child. For the mirror shows many things. Things that were, things that are, and some things....that have not yet come to pass.”

Vanessa looked at the liquid and back up at Galadriel, she suddenly felt frightened. “I’m not so sure I want to after all, I'm really sorry. I know you've gone you all this trouble and-"

“We'll be right here with you,” Gandalf said from behind her. “No harm will come to you, I promise.”

“We are hopeful that we may see something from your past that will help us,” added Galadriel.

Vanessa felt the thud of nerves, not entirely sure how much of her past she really wanted to share with Gandalf and Galadriel. “Will you both see whatever I see?”

Galadriel shrugged, an odd gesture on her, and smiled again. “We cannot say. It’s possible that the mirror will not show you anything, you seem to be resistant to some types of magic, and this is an old, old elf magic.”

Vanessa cleared her throat and felt herself colour. “My past. Well. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of.”

“Haven’t we all.” Gandalf gave her another little prod towards the mirror so she squared her shoulders, nodded to herself, took a deep breath and stepped forward.

Galadriel whispered a warning not to touch the water as Vanessa grasped the pedestal firmly and looked down into the swirling liquid.

She gasped as images began to form on the surface. She could see herself standing with James in the corner of their usual bar, laughing happily as he handed her a drink. The image swirled and reformed to show the heavy fire-escape door opening out into the side alley, James half carrying, half dragging her through it and kicking the door closed behind them.

Shadowy figures and a dark car. She watched herself come round in James arms and start to struggle as he pulled her towards it. Her image in the mirror fell to her knees and came up fighting, overpowered quickly as one of the figures, Matt she thought, threw her into the car and started to climb in after her. He staggered back clutching his face and trailed her out of the car, punching her savagely.

Vanessa touched the scar on her head as she watched Matt slam her head angrily against the bodywork of the car and throw her limp body back into the backseat.

The images swirled and changed, she ground her teeth as she saw herself unconscious and helpless in the car. Thrown like a rag doll out into a deserted car park, the three of them on her. Matt slapping her roughly back into consciousness as they pulled her boots and jeans off. Tying her hands behind her back when she clawed at his face. Hands at her throat and a knife at her thigh as he forced her legs apart.

Vanessa breathed heavily, anger rushing through her and clenching her fists. She’d kill them. She'd kill all of them.

The images flashed and swirled again. The woods. She held her breath and leaned forward a little, waiting to see herself running, being hunted.

The trees bent and broke as something, a huge something, sailed over them wings outstretched. A city on fire. A reptilian eye, huge and unblinking under the water.

Dizzyingly the images swirled again.

As it reformed she saw a jagged mountain at the head of a valley. The valley floor was black. The image swooped forward sickeningly and she realised that the blackness was a mass of bodies, fighting, falling.

A flash of golden hair shone out against the darkness as the images swirled again and she drew in a sharp breath.

The mirror swirled and refocused on Thorin, unmoving on the ground, the brothers standing over him with weapons drawn. Surrounded. Standing alone. Kili staggering, falling to his knees. A black arrow in his throat. Another sprouting from his chest. Fili turning away from the orcs, heartbreak on his face as he caught at his brother. Falling to his knees. A sword in his back and a second at his throat. His hand pulled from Kili's hair as orcs swarmed over them.

She heard herself whimper, a pain in her chest building. The images swirled again, she felt like she might throw up.

This time it was a stone hewn tunnel, flickering torches, a dark haired child crouched in an alcove, frightened and alone. Hands clasped tightly over his ears. Running footsteps and shadows playing on the walls, coming closer.

Another swirl, faster now. Fili held by a huge orc, a wicked blade in his back and falling. Her Kili overpowered by another, a blade slowly pushed through his chest. Dropped to the ground carelessly to take his last breaths, alone.

A funeral chamber. Torches. His pale face looking for all the world like he was just asleep.

She felt hands on her pulling her back and heard a high pitched screaming, it hurt her ears. Dimly Vanessa was aware of Gandalf holding her, shushing her as the screams gave way to broken sobs. She fell to her knees, the pain in her chest taking her breath away, whimpering.

Galadriel dropped to her knees beside her and gathered her into her chest, rocking her. A cool hand across her forehead. “I saw it too, I saw it all. Don’t try to speak. Rest.”

* * *

She woke with a start and kicked the sheets away in a panic.

A dream, only a terrible dream.

As she looked around the darkened room Vanessa felt herself break out into a cold sweat. Not her room, not her bed. She crawled out of it and crept to the door, opening it slowly. It led into another room and at a table by the window sat Gandalf, Galadriel and Elrond.

Elrond stood and crossed the room quickly, enfolding her in his arms, making soothing noises and leading her to the table. Gandalf set a glass in front of her as Elrond pushed her down gently into a chair.

Vanessa caught the brandy smell and pushed it away, shaking her head. “I can’t, I’ll be sick." Her hands were shaking hard and Galadriel took them in hers, motioning for Gandalf and Elrond to leave.

“I’m sorry." Her voice was low and gentle. “I’m sorry for all you saw.”

Vanessa whimpered pitifully.

“I need to ask.” Galadriel smiled at her sadly. “The child in the mirror. Is it possible?”

“Oin gave me medicine after... after I arrived. But I don’t know, I think it worked, I bled. But...” She stared into Galadriel's kind eyes and tried to find the words. 

“The young Durin prince?”

Tears rolled down Vanessa's face and she nodded miserably.

Galadriel squeezed her hands. “Vanessa, look at me. You will be safe here, and if there is indeed a child they will be safe here too. This can be your home with Elrond. Or you can return to my home with me and I will care for you. I will look after you myself and you can have peace.

"The dwarves are a proud race. They are not all like your noble Thorin and his Company." Galadriel smiled sadly. “They will not accept a child of yours in the line of Durin. They will not accept you. You must stay here.”

Gandalf placed heavy hands on Vanessa's shoulders.

"The mirror shows many things," said Galadriel, "and I do believe the future is not yet written in stone. Do not despair, for it may change, we simply do not know.”

“Take me with you when you go.” Vanessa rubbed her face and twisted to look at Gandalf. “Please.”

“No." Gandalf shook his head. “I will protect them if I can, I promise you.”

“Take me with you. I will go alone if I must. Please.” Vanessa pushed herself to her feet. “I won’t sit here and wait for the news that he has gone.”

* * *

She jumped at the knock on the door and scolded herself soundly. Letting her heart calm a little she moved to answer it.

Gandalf pushed the door fully open. “All packed I see?”

“I’m going, with or without you. Elrond can try and throw me in a cell if he wants to keep me here.”

Gandalf smiled sadly. “He won’t. Mores the pity.” He crossed the room to the window and looked out at the night sky. “I can’t promise that we can change what you saw, or even if we should. Perhaps the line of Durin-”

“I'm asking you not to finish that sentence, please don't. I saw them die, I watched him die twice and could do nothing to help him. I can’t stay here and wait. I’ll go mad. I feel that I’m going mad already, I'm jumping at shadows, the slightest noise. I can’t live on my nerves like this, Gandalf. I’m actually hearing voices. I need him, I need to try. Even if the only difference I can make is to hold him and tell him I love him before he leaves me forever.” Vanessa took a shaky breath. “We have to try. Please.”

Gandalf sighed heavily and turned to face her. “I’m leaving tomorrow. I will take you with me, on the condition that you promise me you won't mention the mirror to anyone. This stays between us. We could change everything, or we could change nothing. But no-one else can know.” He turned to leave the room. “Come on, let’s go and find you some sort of weapon. I think you’re going to need it.”


	17. Goblins?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on the road again.

“The Halls of the Goblin King? Goblins?” The last came out a bit higher than she’d intended.

“Yes, goblins. Many, many goblins, and they have no love for dwarves. Or wizards. And they won’t much like you either I expect. We will have to be fast and, even more importantly, quiet. Now, listen to me carefully and follow exactly what I say.”

* * *

“Bring out the bone breaker!” shouted the Great Goblin. "Start with the youngest!”

Vanessa looked at Gandalf desperately from their position hidden in the shadows, only a short rope walkway behind the throne. The wizard looked deep in thought. She gripped the lightweight elven sword in her hand and wished she knew a bit more about what the plan was. She hoped there was one.

The goblin king was singing.

Gandalf touched her arm and mimed out his plan. She nodded to show him she understood. Big explosion, watch Gandalf’s back, run. That was it. And then, before she was quite ready, they were off, running fast and low across the rope walkway just as Thorin was thrown to the ground and she heard the goblin scream for his head.

The air turned white around them and she felt a pressure holding her in place. A moment of panic as the light faded and sound came back and it was with some relief that she saw they were still in Goblintown. Not back in the woods. Still in the Halls of the Goblin King. She heard herself giggle, feeling a bit hysterical, and shifted her grip on her sword.

“Vanessa,” Gandalf called, sounding stern, “are you still with me back there?”

“Yes." She swallowed hard. "I think so."

“Good. Get ready, like I told you.”

She crouched at his back, sword pointed at the nearby goblins struggling to get to their feet after the blast. Gandalf shouted at the Company to arm themselves and she heard screams.

A big goblin hissed at her and licked it’s lips slowly, shuffling forward a step. It's smaller neighbours following behind. “Gandalf?"

“Steady. We’re going now.”

She drew her knife and pointed it at the big goblin, baring her teeth and looking as menacing as she could as she carefully sheathed her sword with a badly shaking hand. And then they ran.

Glued tight to Gandalf’s heels, she concentrated on only him like he’d made her promise to do when they'd stood together on the doorstep. Not looking behind her, not checking where anyone else was. Shouts and screams all around as they ran and jumped across the violently resonating walkways.

Gandalf cleared the path and when he stopped to fight she stayed low and close to him, knife ready. Trying not to get in his way.

Overwhelmed by the noise and so focused was she on keeping up with Gandalf that she nearly overbalanced when they came to a sudden stop, their path blocked by the Great Goblin himself.

“What are you going to do now, wizard?” The monster roared. 

Vanessa stumbled and had a brief, terrifying glimpse down into the darkness over the edge of the walkway. Her head spun. 

A strong arm encircled her waist and after a moment of panic she realised it was Dwalin.

He pulled her backwards into the Company, away from Gandalf. "Put that knife away before you hurt someone, lass," he growled, releasing her as Kili grabbed her arm.

“Ness, what are-"

His next words were lost as the bridge shuddered and shook, pulling away from it’s supports. Kili pressed her to him as he fell to his knees, wrapping an arm around her tightly. One hand holding her head against his chest whilst he held onto the walkway with the other. Vanessa's stomach lurched and she clung onto him as they dropped, the broken bridge grinding and sliding down the ravine before slamming them and it into the ground.

The landing knocked the wind out of her. She felt Kili pushing her clear of the wreckage and she rolled panting onto her back as the huge body of the Great Goblin crashed into the bridge remains amidst outraged yells from the Company. As she sucked in a painful breath she saw the walls of the ravine above them swarming with black figures, coming fast.

“Gandalf!” she screamed at the wizard, who was pulling the dwarves from the wreckage. “Gandalf!”

Fili grabbed her hand and lifted her to her feet as Kili helped Gandalf quickly pull the others free. Then they were running, an angry howling rising behind them.

Gandalf led them a mad dash down dark twisting corridors, the flapping feet of goblins sounding ever closer behind them. Fili kept a tight hold on her hand as he raced ahead of her, Kili at their heels. She ran blindly, unable to make out more than shadows in the dark.

At last they burst out of the cave and into the bright sunlight. Half blind they rushed down the mountainside, hearing the angry screams of the pursuing goblins fall away as they stopped at the cave entrance unwilling to leave whilst the sun was in the sky.

Once safely hidden in the trees and far enough away from the cave Gandalf called a halt. They gasped for breath as the wizard started counting the Company. Kili pulled Vanessa into his arms.

“Ness, what are you doing here?”

Fili was still holding her hand. “You shouldn’t be here," he said as he released her, placing his hand on her back instead.

“How did you all manage to get into trouble so quickly?” She forced a bright smile onto her face and a laugh in her voice as she looked up at both of them, trying to shake the mirror's visions from her mind. They were alive, alive and smiling at her. Vanessa felt sure her heart broke a little. 

They grinned back at her. Kili gave her a little shake. “Don’t change the subject.”

“Where is our hobbit? Where is our hobbit!”

At Gandalf's shout the brothers released her and they all looked around for Bilbo. Vanessa thought frantically back to the cavern, she'd tried to count heads from her hiding place with Gandalf but it had been too dark and crowded. She couldn’t remember if she'd seen Bilbo, she'd just assumed everyone had followed.

Gandalf looked absolutely furious.

Poor Bilbo, she thought as she looked from his thunderous face back up the mountainside. They would have to go back.

She felt Kili’s fingers slowly intertwine with hers and squeeze reassuringly, the gesture bringing sudden tears to her eyes. She blinked them away, making sure to keep her face from him so he couldn't see. 

He dropped her hand and exclaimed, “Bilbo, we’d given you up!”

Vanessa lifted her head. Bilbo had appeared from amongst the trees. She felt a huge rush of relief.

Fili patted her on the back and stepped past her towards the hobbit. "How did you get past the goblins?” he asked as Bilbo smiled at them all. 

Vanessa watched them walk towards Bilbo and felt tears threaten again. This was no good. She tried to give herself a stern talking to. She couldn't keep welling up every single time she looked at either of them. They'd think she was cracked.

A howl from very close nearby sent a cold rush of adrenaline jolting through her. She looked up the mountainside through the trees as the boys raced back to her and Gandalf shouted at them all to run.

They tore down the mountain. Vanessa concentrated on running, no looking behind, no thoughts of turning to help. She could hear the sounds of fighting behind her but she kept going, leaping over roots and debris and weaving between the trees.

She and Gandalf were first to reach a clearing where the ground levelled out. They ran at full speed straight across the open ground, through an outcrop of tall trees until they were met with a steep cliff edge. Trapped. She dropped to her knees and looked down, searching quickly. “Gandalf! I think I can see a route down.” She pointed to show him. “But we have to go now.”

He glanced down the cliff and shook his head. “No time, into a tree. High as you can."

To the others he shouted, “Up into the trees! All of you! Climb!”

Vanessa ran at the nearest tree and threw herself upwards, dragging herself onto the lowest branch and clambering upward. The treetop swayed sickening close to the cliff edge. Gandalf had climbed quickly up behind her and perched on a sturdy branch below.

“Good girl." He patted her boot. “Don’t worry, we'll think of something.”

She glared at him and looked around anxiously for the others. She could see Fili and Kili safe for the moment and together in another tree, Kili looking around frantically until he spotted her and smiled, looking relieved. He nudged Fili who turned to look over his shoulder at her. He gave her a broad smile and a wave as wargs circled the base of the tree they were standing in. She glared at him too.

"Hold on with both hands, you fool!” she shouted across.

“No need to shout,” Gandalf said calmly from below her, holding on to the tree with one hand as he stretched his staff out along the branch. “I’m perfectly safe, I assure you.” He pulled his staff back slowly towards him, a little moth perched on the end. Covering it with his hand, he whispered something she didn't catch and released it.

Vanessa watched it flutter away, “Gandalf? Did you just-"

“Azog!”

She and Gandalf both started at the sound of Thorin’s voice. Vanessa watched in horror as a huge, heavyset orc covered in scars and with some sort of wicked looking weapon in place of his left forearm rode out into the clearing astride a massive, white warg. She stared at him, stricken. It was the pale orc from the mirror. The one in the tower.

Oh my god, she thought. Fili.

She looked down at Gandalf, willing him to look up at her as the orc spoke. She couldn't make out any words except Thorin and Thrain. With a roar the orc sent the wargs forward in a rush at the trees.

Vanessa held on tightly as the first wargs slammed into their tree, powerful jaws upstretched, tearing off the lower branches. She whimpered and pressed herself into the shaking trunk as hard as she could.

A loud creaking and shouts from nearby. She whipped her head up in time to see Kili's tree starting to tip, roots pulling from the ground slowly as the wargs howled and leapt. The brothers hurled themselves into another tree and then like dominoes all the trees were falling but hers, the Company flinging themselves from one tree to another.

Their tree shook and trembled as the dwarves slammed into the branches and held on. She lost the brothers briefly in the flurry of swaying greenery and then they were safe, comparatively anyway, holding on in the branches below Gandalf. She breathed out.

Kili turned his face up to her and smiled grimly. “Ness." He tried to climb up closer as the tree shook under them. Fili held him tightly and Kili glared at his brother before looking back up at her. “Ness. Listen to me. When this tree falls I need you to run as fast as you can. Don’t stop for anything and don't look back. Do you understand? I need to hear you promise me.”

"There’s a route down the cliff. It’s tricky but we can do it.”

“Then do that, we'll give you as much time as we can.”

“No." Vanessa knelt down carefully on her branch to try and get as close to him as she could. “No. Not without you. Not without both of you. You have to try.”

“We'll be right behind you. But they have archers. We just need to thin their numbers a little first and then we'll be right behind you.” He smiled at her again. So brightly she almost believed him. “It'll be fine, Ness. You’ll see.”

Vanessa looked down at him sadly, jumping as a fireball sailed between them and down to strike one of the wargs, setting it alight. Amidst the angry, pained howls that followed she heard Gandalf shout to Fili and then the air was full of lit pinecones and smoke and the wargs were retreating.

The cheering from the dwarves stopped abruptly and turned to shouts as their tree jerked sharply and began to uproot. Vanessa swung her leg around the trunk and held on tightly as the tree pitched downward, screamed as the roots managed to hold the tree dangling over the cliff. Looking down into the dark she felt a rush of vertigo. 

She clung on as the tree rocked sickeningly with the struggles of the Company and then felt rather than heard the impact of heavy boots reverberate through the tree trunk as Thorin made his way towards Azog. The Company watched, paralysed momentarily. As Thorin roared and started to run toward the orcs struggles began anew. Vanessa crawled gingerly down the trunk. Gandalf was busy with Dori and Ori, and her boys were trying to haul themselves up.

She left them to it, figuring that they were safer in the tree, and crawled to Dwalin. Hugging the trunk firmly with her legs she reached down and grabbed hold of his tunic with both hands. "Come on, Dwalin." She pulled as hard as she could whilst he began to haul himself up. “Come on. You need to go help.”

A cry from the others and she looked up as Azog’s warg flung Thorin aside. She stopped pulling and watched with Dwalin in horror as Thorin hit the ground hard and lay unmoving. Another orc drew a blade and walked slowly towards him.

Then everything happened at once. Dwalin managed to pull himself up and he was off, running. Bilbo tackled the orc who was set on beheading Thorin. Fili and Kili raced past her and threw themselves into the fight. A shout for help from Nori and she scuttled along the trunk and helped him pull himself up and he too was away.

She looked around in a panic. This wasn’t the same place at all. It looked like neither place she’d seen in the mirror. She didn’t recognise anything. Had she and Gandalf changed everything? 

With her head spinning Vanessa drew her sword uncertainly and started to make her way down the trunk.

A rush of wind past her head nearly dragged her from the trunk. Dropping to her knees she managed to save herself, just about keeping hold of her sword. She looked out to the battle, confused and frightened by the appearance of giant birds. 

Gandalf was shouting at her to get back and help him. The tree shook and tilted and she could see the roots ahead of her lifting slowly out of the earth. Getting to her feet and about to turn and run back to Gandalf and help she screamed as she saw a warg knock Kili off his feet with a heavy blow.

“Vanessa!” Gandalf shouted behind her. “Get back here. Right now.”

Fili leapt out of the smoke and with a roar engaged the warg and rider as Kili rolled to his feet seemingly unharmed. With a gasping cry she turned and ran back to Gandalf, sheathing her sword. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She threw herself flat on the trunk and reached down in time to see Dori and Ori finally lose their grip on the staff and fall screaming, or maybe that was just her, until an eagle swooped through and grasped them.

“Gandalf?” She turned, tears blinding her, to watch the wizard as he started to get to his feet.

“Our turn I think.”

“What?” She tried to wriggle away as he took a firm grip on her tunic and pulled her to her feet. “No. Kili, Fili...”

“Behave yourself, my girl, there’s no time.”

The tree gave a final heave and he jumped, dragging her with him.

* * *

Vanessa lay flat across the soft feathers and looked down to the eagle carrying Thorin. He hadn’t stirred.

Carefully she lifted her head to look across to the boys eagle. Fili had finally fallen quiet, his shouts having failed to rouse any response as he'd called continually for Thorin, his voice cracking. Kili held his brother close, neither of them taking their eyes of their uncle as the eagles began to circle in a great spiral.

She felt Gandalf take a hold of her cloak and pull her up to sitting, wrapping an arm around her securely as they approached a jagged peak.

They were one of the last to land. Gandalf slid from their eagle, pausing long enough to help her to the ground before he ran to Thorin and knelt, placing a hand over the king’s face. The Company gathered silently around the pair and she joined them, slipping a hand into Kili's, and then Fili’s.

They took a collective breath as Thorin stirred and Vanessa felt a rush of relief. Fili gathered her and Kili to him in a crushing embrace, lifting them both off their feet. He let them go and they watched, leaning into each other, as Thorin embraced Bilbo warmly and the last of the eagles left. Then they were all hugging each other in relief and thanking Gandalf for their escape. He waved them off, insisting it had been nothing, and led them to a set of rough stone steps leading down from the peak, promising them a rest in the cave at the base.


	18. I know why you left

Vanessa stretched her bare legs out into the pool and paddled her feet as she tried to relax. Every muscle felt tight and her head ached. Kili sat cross legged beside her, head bowed over his arrows. The smell of rabbits cooking wafted across the cave and her stomach rumbled loudly.

“Not long now," he said with a smile, looking up at her. 

She smiled back and his brow furrowed. Taking a quick glance around the cave he set the arrows down and scooted closer, reaching out a hand to gently touch her face. “Ness, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing. I'm fine, I'm completely fine.” She pulled away a little, suddenly feeling close to tears, and he sat back and lifted the arrows again, looking at her sideways.

* * *

Fili woke her with a hard shake. “Ness, it’s just a dream.”

Gasping her way fully awake she clutched at him. “Fili, oh.” She tried to blink away the images in her head. “Sorry, did I wake you?”

“I think you woke half the camp,” said Kili from a crouch beside her, he glanced back at the entrance to the cave and Fili nodded towards it.

“Go, I'll be here.” Fili pushed her down onto her bedroll, covering her with blankets. He lay down beside her and drew her into his chest, stroking her hair gently. “It was a scary day, Ness, I'm not surprised you had a nightmare. But that’s all it was, a bad dream. We’re all safe. He’s safe.”

She cried silent tears into his chest and felt him press his lips to her head.

“Do you want to tell me about it? It'll make you feel better.”

She shook her head and cried harder.

“Oh, Ness,” he murmured into her hair. “My poor Ness. I have those dreams too from time to time. You can talk to me. I know why you left Rivendell to come and find us, I understand.”

Vanessa froze, barely daring to breathe. He pulled her closer.

“I don’t think there’s very much he doesn't tell me, surely you knew that?”

She heard the smile in his voice.

“Although I’m fairly sure he left some of the finer details out.” He shifted slightly and adjusted her against his chest, she lay still and listened to his steady heartbeat whilst she waited for him to speak again.

“I don't think I could have stayed behind either, waiting patiently for news. Don’t misunderstand me, I wish you had. I don’t believe for one moment that you should be here and you will never convince me otherwise." His chest lifted as he took a deep breath. "I do not know how you managed to convince Gandalf. I suspect our wizard may have some explaining to do when my uncle recovers sufficiently."

"Even so." He lifted her head gently to look her in the eyes. "I cannot say that I wouldn't have done the same in your position. I am not angry with you, and neither is Kili. And you mustn’t worry. I promise you I will keep him safe for you. You have to trust me on this.”

“Fili.”

“I will, I promise you.” Fili brushed her tears away with his thumb. “I always have. I’d give my life for his in a heartbeat, Ness. I wouldn't hesitate. You must believe me. Hush now, don’t get upset again. I’m not making you feel any better, am I? I’ll go get him.”

She grabbed fistfuls of his tunic and shook her head wordlessly.

“I will, he’s barely paying attention to his watch anyway. Thorin must be tired tonight or he’d have had an earful already. Give me a moment.” He kissed her forehead, untangled himself from her hands and stood.

Kili slipped into Fili’s bedroll a few moments later and silently gathered her to him.

* * *

“There must be something you can do? Please." Vanessa kept her voice low as they waited for Bilbo to return from scouting.

“What would you have me do?” Gandalf took her by the elbow and pulled her away from the others. “I cannot reach into your head and take away your memories. You will just have to bear it.”

“I can’t just bear it," she hissed. "I see it every time I look at them. Every time I close my eyes. I can’t bear knowing what I know, I feel like I’m going mad. If I’m not seeing them die over and over then I’m worrying about going back and not knowing how it ends. I don’t want to leave him and I don’t want him to leave me.” She stopped to take a shaky breath and blinked back the tears. “And I can’t stop crying. I've never been a crier.”

He raised his eyebrows at her.

“I understand how that could be hard for you to believe.”

“You need to make your peace with it, Vanessa. You cannot change what you have seen so we must use it, treat it as a gift rather than a curse. That might make you feel better. Remember the mirror shows what has not yet come to pass. Perhaps we can yet change it.”

“But you said-"

“I don’t know yet what’s for the best." Gandalf lowered his voice further. “Perhaps they must die for the greater good. Calm yourself, I only said perhaps. Until a path is clear to me we shall assume otherwise.

"Your task is to tell me if you recognise anything else from the mirror, no matter how small, no matter how insignificant it seems. Already you have recognised Azog as, well, as the orc in the tower. That is useful information, although I had suspected as much from Galadriel's description, but now we know for certain."

Vanessa nodded miserably as Bilbo ran back into the clearing with news of the orc pack. Gandalf released her elbow and turned his attention to the hobbit.

“Will you listen! There’s something else out there!” Bilbo stamped his foot as they talked over him.

“What form did it take?” asked Gandalf. “Like a bear?”

A bear, Vanessa looked around nervously as Fili appeared silently by her side, a sword in his hand. Kili moved between them and the woods, nocking an arrow and scanning the trees whilst Gandalf explained that there was a house nearby where they might shelter.

A roar shook the woods and then they were running, following Gandalf as he led the way. Vanessa ran, flanked by Fili and Kili, and they raced through open fields filled with wildflowers, then woods and then through an outer gate to the house.

Kili pulled her out of the way as the Company battled to open the door. Looking over his shoulder she saw Gandalf running towards them, a huge black bear at his heels. Behind her she heard the huge door swung open and Kili half lifted her into the house and turned to throw his weight against the door with the others as the beast attempted to claw it’s way in.

She drew her sword and got ready, anxiously watching the massive jaws snapping above Kili’s head.

After what felt like a lifetime the bar slammed into place on the door and everyone drew a shaky breath.

“Get some sleep, all of you. You’ll be safe here tonight." Gandalf looked out the window cautiously. “I hope.”

Exhausted they set no watches and curled up together in the dry, sweet smelling straw, most of them falling asleep almost immediately. Vanessa heard the even breathing and snores start all around her and tried to will herself to relax. She watched Fili, his face relaxed in sleep beside her.

At her back she heard a soft rustle of straw as Kili shifted. He pressed his body tighter to hers and slipped his hand under the blankets, interlacing their fingers. “Try to sleep, Ness. Please. For me," he murmured into her hair. Obediently she closed her eyes.

* * *

And jolted awake hours later, heart hammering and all alone on the straw. She kicked off the blankets in a panic as the dream receded and looked around, calming a little when she saw the familiar packs littering the stable. A cow looked back at her passively. “Oh, hello there," she said to it as she stood and stretched, giving the velvety soft nose a little stroke. It didn’t seem to mind.

“Who’s this?”

She started, looking out through the stable door and across a huge hall to a table. The Company looked back at her along with what she assumed was Beorn, their host and quite possibly the tallest person she had ever seen.

Vanessa walked to the table and gave a little bow and a 'Vanessa, at your service'. Which seemed to amuse Beorn at least.

He waved her forward to a place at the table beside Bilbo and she hopped up. Bilbo passed her some bread and Beorn poured her some milk. Pulling a piece of straw from her hair he smiled at her kindly. “What are you?”

Gandalf stepped in and told a thankfully heavily edited version of her story, Beorn nodded along listening and Vanessa felt a surge of hope until he confirmed that he had only heard stories of travellers. He didn’t know if they stayed in Middle-earth or left.

“It must be strange for you, little one,” he said sadly, “to be so far from home, from where you belong.”

“Well, she belongs with us now. Don’t you, Ness?” smiled Bofur as he raised his mug to her. “We look after you all right, don’t we?”

Vanessa raised her mug in return and smiled back at Bofur. Taking a drink she looked up at Beorn. “Thank you.”

He placed a heavy hand on her head and spoke to Thorin. “I will help you, what do you need?”


	19. I thought you were mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beorn's Hall

With ponies and supplies arranged Thorin requested Beorn’s consent to allow the Company to stay a few days to rest. Beorn agreed, watching closely as Thorin pushed himself away from the table and stood stiffly. Fili reached out a steadying hand to his uncle who waved it away.

“You are injured, Thorin Oakenshield.”

“It is nothing. A little bruising only.” Thorin looked around the table at the worried faces and smiled, patting Fili on the back. “It is nothing. A rest will do us all good.”

Bilbo and Vanessa finished their breakfast as the others made their way either back to the straw or outside. Beorn sat himself down at the table with them and told them about his lands, drawing a map for them with his finger on the table.

“You must not stray too far from the house, little ones. I keep my lands protected, but there are orcs at my borders. Every night I drive them back. They have become bold."

He noticed Vanessa watching the manacle on his wrist as the chain trailed on the table. “You are looking at this?”

Embarassed she ducked a little behind her mug as he looked at her intently. He shook it in her direction. "Yes, sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”

“It is a gift from the orcs. The Defiler killed most of my family, but some he enslaved.” He touched with manacle with his fingers, glancing at it before looking back into her eyes. “Not for work you understand, but for sport. Caging skin-changers and torturing them seemed to amuse him.”

Vanessa stared back into his eyes, not sure how to begin to respond to something so terrible. “Oh Beorn, I'm so-”

“There now, I didn’t mean to upset you.” He stood and began lifting mugs and plates. “Finish your breakfast and I’ll show you both my lands. It’s a fine morning.”

* * *

Vanessa felt curious eyes on them as Beorn led her and Bilbo out of the hall. As they reached the huge gate in the garden wall she looked back and raised a hand to the dwarves sitting and lying in the sun around the garden. Fili raised a hand in return, nudging Kili stretched out beside him.

Beorn led them on out across the fields and into the woodland, talking continually as they made their way through the trees and into the meadows beyond. He showed them his hives in the wildflower fields, pulling them close as the massive bees droned around them.

“No further than here, little ones.”

They promised him they wouldn't go further and that made him happy so he took them back through the woods and into the fields where his animals roamed free.

It was late morning before they got back, by which time Beorn had decided they would have an early lunch outside in the sunshine. The dwarves, excluding Thorin, helped him drag the huge table and heavy benches through the hall and outside to the grass, and Bombur and Bofur volunteered to help him prepare the food, disappearing with him into the shadows of the hall.

Vanessa sat down in a space between Fili and Dwalin, kicked boots and socks off and wriggled her toes contentedly in the grass. Rolling up her trouser legs and sleeves she lay back with a sigh in the warm sun.

“Comfortable?” Fili asked from beside her.

Shading her eyes she looked up him and smiled. “Very, thanks. Beorn walks far too fast, me and Bilbo have been jogging around after him all morning.”

“Good,” said Dwalin, “you need to keep up with your running."

“Yes, thank you, Dwalin. But I think I’m more than capable of keeping up with you lot now.”

He grunted in reply.

“That sounds like a challenge.” Fili grinned and stood with a yawn and stretch. He reached a hand down to her. “Think you can keep up with me?”

“I've literally just sat down and you've been lazing about all morning.” She squinted up at him. “But maybe. What are you thinking?”

* * *

Vanessa paced out the distance to the wall again as she thought, lifting and throwing any sharp stones out of the way. Decided, she walked back to Fili who was watching her with an amused look on his face. "To the wall and back, twice?”

“Fine by me. Anyone else? Kili?”

Kili raised himself onto his elbows and looked at them. “Far too warm for running, Fee.”

“You’re absolutely right," agreed Balin.

“I’m in,” said Ori.

“Good lad.” Nori nodded at his brother, then turned to Gloin. “A coin on Fili.”

Vanessa patted Ori's shoulder and started stretching out her legs.

“Stop messing about, lass, and get on with it.” Dwalin stood and pushed her towards the line.

She gave him her best glower as she shook out her legs, bounced on her toes and took her position between Fili and Ori. They looked down at her bare feet. “They’re heavy to run in.”

Fili shrugged and looked forward as Dwalin counted them down.

She and Ori were neck and neck at the first turn with Fili a few strides ahead but, as she had hoped, touching the wall and turning slowed him down slightly.

I’ll catch him when he has to touch the ground at the next turn, she thought, forcing her legs harder.

She left Ori behind as they turned in front of the yelling dwarves and was at Fili’s heels as they touched the wall again at the bottom of the garden. She heard a frustrated shout as she sprang away from the wall towards the finish and suddenly, for a brief, glorious moment, she was ahead.

Head down she put everything into the last sprint and they crossed the line shoulder to shoulder. Ori just behind them.

Debate between the others as the three of them got their breath back.

“I think she got it.”

“No, Fili definitely got a foot across first.”

“Well done, Ori.”

“Should have said three times to the wall and back, I’d have got you,” she panted to Fili.

“That's a good idea.” Dwalin clapped Fili on the shoulder. “A rematch.”

More money changed hands and Ori was pushed reluctantly on the start line again with them, protesting. Fili shrugged out of his heavy tunic and piled his knives on top. She and Ori watched as he stared at his boots thoughtfully.

Finally he looked up and grinned at them. "No, it's undwarvish." He nodded at Dwalin.

Vanessa knew she was beaten before they reached the wall for the second time but she kept going as hard as she could, steadily losing ground. He threw himself to the grass as he crossed the finish line and rolled onto his back, declaring himself done.

As Vanessa put her head to her knees to catch her breath he grabbed her ankle and dragged her down to him, wrapping an arm around her neck.

“I could feel you at my shoulder the whole time, Ness. Well done.”

Pressed against his chest she could hear grumbling from the dwarves, it sounded like some of them had bet on her. A shadow fell across her face and Kili sat down beside them.

“Did you lose money, little brother?”

“Of course not.” Kili smiled, pushing damp hair from Vanessa's face as Fili released her. “I wasn't choosing between you two.”

“My brother, the diplomat.” Fili tapped a finger against Kili’s nose. “I didn’t realise. I will be sure to remember this new skill of yours when we're in Erebor.”

Kili slapped him away good naturedly and then Fili was climbing over Vanessa and pushing Kili backwards. She crawled out of the way and got to her feet, leaving them scuffling on the grass behind her.

Lunch ran into an early dinner, the table was finally cleared away and Beorn produced honey mead for everyone. They sat outside the great doors of the hall in contented groups enjoying the last heat of the day.

* * *

“Show me that again, lass.”

Oin moved closer and Vanessa worked again on the big knot in Dwalin’s shoulder, showing Oin how to stretch out the muscle.

“Are your shoulders not really sore?”

“No.” Dwalin gave an appreciative groan as she continued to work.

“Really?” She leaned over his shoulder. “They’re literally one big heap of knots. How do you not know how to do this, Oin?”

Oin shrugged, not taking his eyes off her fingers. “Looks a bit elvish to me.”

“Right, that’s enough.” Beorn shucked off his shirt and sat on the ground beside Dwalin. “My turn, little one.”

Gandalf chuckled from his place beside Thorin. “You may regret starting this, Vanessa.”

She laughed and moved to Beorn as Oin took her place with Dwalin. “Beorn, you’re in worse shape than he is.” She took a mouthful of her mead and ran her hands lightly over his shoulders again, fingers trying to find the worse spots. “Let me know if I hurt you.”

Beorn laughed quietly, “I’m not sure you can, little one. But do your best.”

Vanessa's hands were starting to give up. As she took a break to have another drink and shake out her fingers Kili strode out of the hall and past them, his bow slung across his back.

Beorn pulled his shirt back on and thanked her. His eyes followed Kili. “If he injures any of my animals I will rip him limb from limb,” he said to her in a low rumble.

“I’ll go.” Ness pulled her boots on quickly as Thorin woke up and looked around. “I feel like a walk anyway.”

* * *

He was waiting for her in the shadows of the trees. “Still so noisy. There'll be no game around here for miles now.”

“I’m counting on it.” Vanessa smiled at him. “Beorn says you can’t shoot anything out here.”

“Does he now?” Kili walked towards her, his face hidden from her under his hood. "And what else does he say? What else does he say to you?”

Involuntarily she stepped back as he stopped in front of her. She smiled at him again, feeling her heart speed up a little. “That was it, I think.”

“I'm not so sure it is." He stepped forward and she felt a tree at her back as she retreated again. Vanessa glanced behind her quickly, couldn't see Beorn's hall. Suddenly she felt like she needed to run, she wasn't sure where.

"Why won't you talk with me, Ness?"

“I don't know what you-”

“Please don't lie to me." Kili sighed heavily and waited.

“Fine," he said. "Then I’ll start. When you appeared with Gandalf in Goblintown I was furious, both with him and with you. I thought you were safe, but there you were. Standing there so small and so brave and I was too far away to help you."

He reached out and touched her face with his fingertips, moving closer to her. “But then I held you in my arms and I knew more than anything that I wanted you here with us, I wanted you here with me. Maybe that was selfish, but so be it.”

Pressing his forehead to hers he took a deep breath, his fingers running along the scar on her head, into her hair and tightening slightly to hold her head in place. “I thought of stolen kisses and hoped perhaps that we might...but you won’t even look at me. Not even now, you won't meet my eyes. You don't speak with me, or smile at me as you did. You recoil when I touch you. Don't shake your head at me, Ness. You can't tell me it's not true, I have felt you pull away from me."

Vanessa forced herself to make eye contact and wished she was somewhere else. "I don't-"

"And yet, and yet you smile with others. You laugh and you talk with them and you’ll touch them, but not me. He was half naked in front of you and you were stroking him and you haven’t so much as reached out and touched my hand. What did I do to you? What have I done wrong?”

“Kili," she whispered, shaking her head as best she could and trying to work out how to explain.

His hand tightened and she felt his lips brush hers, anger and hurt in his voice as he continued, “What did I do? You must tell me. I thought you were mine. I thought you might have loved me. You told me you did.”

He kissed her hard, forcing her lips apart and she felt his hand pull up her tunic, fingers quickly unlacing her trousers.

“No,” she pleaded into his mouth, pushing at his chest hard with both hands. “No, not like this.”

He released her, eyes dark and breathing heavily.

“Not like this. Not because you’re angry with me.”

“Get back to the house." He turned and walked away from her. "It’s not safe out here.”

* * *

Fili found her curled up at the base of the tree.

“Ness, Ness. Here you are, are you hurt? Where’s Kili? The sun’s going down, we need to get back.” He crouched beside her and pulled her arms gently away from her face. “Let me look at you. What happened? Have you seen him?”

“He’s really angry with me.” Vanessa made a frustrated noise as the tears started again.

“Come here." Fili pulled her to him, settling down onto his knees on the grass. “He never stays angry for long, don't worry.”

“He thinks I...” She looked up at Fili and scrubbed at her face, tried to gather herself. “But then he tried to... He can’t do that to me. I won't let anyone do that to me."

Fili held her head gently in his hands and hushed her as she dissolved into furious tears again. “I'm sorry, whatever has happened I'm sorry. This is all new to him, to us. I’m not making excuses for him. He shouldn’t upset you like this and I will tell him that, believe me. He shouldn’t leave you alone, not even here.”

He touched his forehead to hers. “He's hurting. He's given his heart completely to you and I ask you, as his brother, as your brother now, to be gentle with it. A heart is a fragile thing.”

She froze as he kissed her tears away gently and touched his lips to hers.

“A kiss from a brother to a sister, that’s all.” Fili stroked the hair away from her face with a sad smile, sliding his arms under her and lifting her easily.

Vanessa rested her head against him and wrapped her arms around his neck. It felt nice to be carried for a moment. She suddenly felt exhausted. “I’ve been having bad dreams," she whispered. 

“I know.” He shifted her weight and started walking back through the trees.

“No, not like this. You don't understand. I see him hurt. I see him hurt, over and over. And then I see it every time I look at him. I can’t bear it.”

“Ness.” Fili sighed. “I have those same dreams too, they don’t mean anything. Just that we worry about the ones we love.”

He set her down gently as they reached the treeline and smiled at her. “Don't push him away because you're frightened of losing him, that isn't fair. Remember he's my little brother, I’m his protector. I’ll look after him for you. Always. And Thorin will look after him. We all will. So there’s no need for you to worry, I promise you.”

* * *

They stood together at the window as the sun fell below the horizon. Beorn had already left for the night.

“There he is,” Fili whispered to her, pulling her hand away from her mouth. 

Thorin got to his feet and walked to join them. He nodded. "Ready the door."

Fili moved to the door and began to lift the heavy beam with Dwalin and Nori as Kili walked in no hurry from the woods. Vanessa scanned the treeline, willing him to move faster. Dreading the sight of Beorn breaking through the trees in bear form.

Beside her Thorin growled and strode to the door. Wrenching it open he roared in Khuzdul.

Vanessa looked back through the window to see Kili now running, she scanned the treeline anxiously but still no sign of Beorn. As Kili reached the door Thorin cuffed him roughly and they exchanged quick, angry words, Kili scowling back at his uncle and Fili shouldering his way between the two with his hands up.

“Come on in, lad." Balin stepped forward and pulled Kili inside, beckoning Thorin and Fili into the hall and nodding at Dwalin to close and bar the door against the night.


	20. Never again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beorn's missing some wine.

She woke with a start.

Fili patted her shoulder. “Sorry, sorry. We tried not to wake you. We’re here now, all safe and sound.” He wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her back against him and working his other arm under her head. Kili flopped down heavily on his back in the straw by her side.

“Are you two drunk?” she whispered as Kili took her hand and held her palm tight to his head, pressing it there with both of his, nodding slowly.

“Yes. Very.” Fili was slurring slightly. “But quiet now.”

Kili turned on his side to face her, still holding her hand to his head. “I’m sorry. Fee explained everything and I told him. I told him what I did.” He wriggled closer in the straw and lowered his voice. “I’m really sorry.”

“Stop it.” Fili shushed him and jostled her as he patted Kili heavily on the head, missing a little. “I said everybody quiet now. No talking until the morning.”

“I’m sorry," Kili whispered again as Fili wrapped his big hand over his mouth. Kili looked at her pleadingly over Fili’s fingers.

“Kili, l don't-”

Fili cut her off with a hand over her mouth, shushing noisily in her ear. She lay quietly as Fili’s hands relaxed and Kili’s eyes slowly closed.

* * *

They left Kili curled up asleep in the straw and joined the others for breakfast.

Beorn laughed as Fili approached the table. “So this is the culprit! I think you owe me some bottles of wine, Prince Fili.”

Fili bowed low. “My sincere apologies, I had a terrible thirst.”

“Where’s the other one?”

“Resting.” Fili straightened up with barely a wobble and jumped onto the bench, grabbing some bread while the Company laughed. He reached out a hand to Vanessa and pulled her up beside him. “Your wine is exceptional, I will repay you.”

Beorn waved him away. “Consider it a gift. But I am impressed, that wine was very strong. Dwarven princes must be made of sterner stuff than I had thought. Some of them anyway. Perhaps you and I will share a bottle later, Thorin, and then we will see.”

“Perhaps," said Thorin, looking towards the stables with a faint smile, “and perhaps my nephews could join us.”

Fili went a bit pale. “I think Kili and I may have already taken enough advantage of our host, Uncle. We should perhaps keep to milk and water today.”

“Very wise." Thorin left the table and walked into the stables. They heard muffled voices and Thorin laughing merrily.

* * *

“Right, so you give it a try now.”

She took the wickedly sharp knife Fili handed her. They were standing behind the hall and Fili had set her up a target using Beorn’s woodpile. After their host's stern warning the day before Vanessa had insisted on checking the pile thoroughly, searching for slumbering animals, much to Fili’s amusement.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea, Fee.” Kili shaded his eyes and lifted his head.

“We can’t trust your judgement today, brother," Fili laughed happily, “so we'll have to go with mine.”

“Fine.” Kili dropped his head back on to the grass and groaned deeply. “How are you still standing?” He flung his hand out towards them imploringly, “Ness...”

“I’ll go get more water.” Fili drained the jug. “I’ll be back in a bit. You can look after the drunk.”

“Come here, Ness.” Kili rolled onto his side and stretched out towards them. “Please. I’m not well.”

Vanessa walked across and knelt down beside him, set down the knife carefully and took his hand.

“Ness.”

“Yes.”

"I’m really sorry." Kili pulled himself up to sitting with some difficulty and looked around, checking his brother was out of sight. "Fee talked to me last night, he explained about your dreams. Is that why you can’t look at me?”

“I'm looking at you now.”

“Don’t, please don’t pretend. I thought I'd done something wrong. I thought you didn't-”

“No, you didn't do anything wrong. I’m just..." Vanessa shrugged, "I had some bad dreams, that’s all.”

“But then I have done something wrong. I did. Yesterday. When I-”

“Don’t. You were angry and I asked you to stop and you did.”

“But I-”

“You stopped when I asked you to. But I shouldn't have had to ask you. You can’t treat me like that. Never again, no matter how angry you are."

“I won't. I promise. Never again, you have my word. On my life. And I won’t be angry again.”

You're so young, Vanessa thought as he looked back at her earnestly. What am I doing?

“Of course you'll get angry," she said, "and sometimes I'll get angry. But we have to talk to each other. You can’t punish me like that.”

“I’m sorry. I promise I won’t. I promise."

They stared at each other. He reached out to touch her fingers and asked tentatively, “Does this mean you're still my Ness?”

“Are you still my Kili?” Vanessa couldn't help herself smiling at him as he got up onto his knees and shuffled closer, wrapping his arms around her.

“Always." He pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers, relief in his voice. “Forever.”

His lips brushed hers questioningly, sending a tremble through her. Vanessa felt him smile against her for a moment before he kissed her gently. Her hands slid into his hair as she pulled him to her, deepening the kiss and drawing a deep groan from him in response. 

They broke apart panting and grinning at each other as loud, deliberate coughing and the stomp of heavy boots along the side of house announced Fili's return.

“You look like you're feeling a lot better." Fili handed Kili the jug. “Bit more colour in your cheeks.” He winked at her. "Up you get, Ness. Time to throw some knives.”

* * *

Kili groaned happily under her fingers.

“It's no good, lass,” said Oin beside her. “I can’t see what you’re doing under all that hair. Dwalin, get over here. We need you.”

Dwalin lifted his mug and scooted across. “If I must. Go and get a few more jars of that honey mead, lad.”

“No. No.” Kili grabbed her hands and held them tight to his head as he glared at Oin. “No. I was enjoying that. I’m not well.”

“Go on with you.” Dwalin took a hold of Vanessa's arm and pulled her away, pushing Kili in the direction of the hall with his foot.

Grumbling Kili pushed himself up to his feet.

“And get something to eat while you’re at it, boy. You haven’t touched a bite of food all day.”

* * *

Thorin watched Kili make his way back from the hall, picking his way through the Company with jugs of drink held at arms length. Carefully he set them down in the middle of the group and attempted to return to his seat as Dwalin pointed him back, gesturing for him to refill everyone’s mugs.

Task completed, Kili crawled back to his place by Fili and collapsed heavily on the grass. 

Thorin smiled and took another sip of his wine as he watched Fili wake briefly and pull his complaining brother securely into his chest, wrapping a leg around Kili's waist to hold him still.

Poor Fili. Thorin shook his head and chuckled to himself. Fili who had managed to keep smiling all day until they'd settled outside after dinner where he had gradually fallen asleep between his brother's knees. Kili and Vanessa trying to keep him awake. The girl holding Fili's head and laughing as she knelt in front of him. Kili giving up, exasperated, in the end. Allowing his big brother to fall back on the grass, hair undone. The laughter had drifted across from the Company as a tired but determined Fili had dragged his brother and the girl down with him.

Thorin looked at Vanessa, knelt behind an unusually relaxed looking Dwalin whilst she spoke with Oin. He sighed heavily.

Beorn followed his gaze. “Your quest is no place for that one, Thorin.”

“I know.”

“She can stay here. I will look after her and bring her to you myself. If you are successful, of course.”

“I have already tried to leave her behind once.” Thorin looked at Gandalf who was sitting back against the wooden wall of the house, eyes closed in the evening sun. “I am still not clear why that didn’t work.”

Gandalf slowly opened his eyes. “She did well in Goblintown.”

“That doesn't begin to answer my question. But whilst we are on the subject I don’t seem to recall her doing well, I seem to recall seeing my nephews distracting themselves protecting her.”

“You know best, Thorin, of course, and it’s a generous offer, Beorn. But it seems a shame to split her from the Company. They seem genuinely fond of her. And she may come in useful to you.”

“I can’t imagine how.”

“Well, I can’t either right at this very moment but you never know.” Gandalf took a long drink. “This is very good, Beorn. Perhaps she may be of use with the dragon. She is human, but different. He may not recognise her scent.”

Beorn snorted, “Smaug well knows the scent of dwarf, wizard.”

“Yes, but she’s not a dwarf though.”

“I didn’t say she was.” Beorn held Gandalf's gaze and Thorin looked between them and back to Vanessa, narrowing his eyes thoughtfully.

* * *

Vanessa lifted her head and jumped a little to see Thorin looking directly her. She felt herself colour.

She’d asked Kili earlier if he thought they needed to speak to Thorin but he’d been too distracted binding her chest to answer, and then they'd heard a noise nearby and had to grab the rest of their things and run, finishing dressing as they went.

She coloured further still as she remembered how they had stopped running almost within sight of the house, smiling almost shyly at each other. The intent look on his face as he closed the distance between them, walking her back firmly against a tree. His hands on her, one cupping her jaw and the other unlacing her as they kissed, stroking her until she came hard, her gasping cries muffled by his mouth on hers. His smile then, so pleased with himself, as he retied her laces and straightened her clothes whilst she got her breath back and her legs stopped trembling.

“You need to tell him.”

“What? Sorry, tell who what?”

“You want me to say it? Wait, he needs to hear this too.” Dwalin reached out a leg and kicked Kili's knee.

Kili opened his eyes as Dwalin growled, “Don’t move, lad, just listen. You need to tell him before he asks you.”

Oin nodded beside her, she looked at him in dawning horror.

“Oh come on, lass," said Oin. "We all know, or suspect. Gloin's running a book on which one of them it is. Not sure what the current odds are on it being both of them.”

Vanessa made a little strangled noise as Kili laughed quietly. She glared at him.

Dwalin continued, “Don't think for one moment that Thorin doesn’t know. He knows, even if he hasn’t admitted it to himself yet. Don’t stop that, lass, you’re being watched.”

She started moving her fingers again. “He's going to leave me here, isn’t he?”

“I would if I were him.”

“Dwalin?”

“I told you not to stop. Of course I would. You're safe here with Beorn. Probably. As long as he keeps smiling at you anyway, so don’t offend him. And there won’t be a soft wizard for you to wheedle your way around this time. The elves could have forced you to stay, they did not. The wizard could have forced you to stay, he did not.

"The skinchanger however." Dwalin sounded a little impressed. "He is not soft and will have no issues whatsoever keeping you here. And he'd be right to do so, you wouldn’t last on your own out there.”

“No,” Vanessa whispered, looking to Kili.

He looked back silently, sadly, and dropped his eyes

“No. Kili.”


	21. Shadows in the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Company leave Beorn's Hall.

Vanessa lay awake and watched the dancing shadows cast by the dying firelight as they flickered from the hall into the stables.

She practised what she was going to say to Beorn. And to Gandalf. Pointless to waste time trying to persuade any of the rest of them. She knew from the way no-one met her eyes all evening that secret discussions had been had and they had decided to abandon her, again, for her own good.

Beorn was the key, she thought. If she could get him onside, or alternatively really, really piss him off.

“Vanessa?”

Fili's eyes snapped open beside her and she felt Kili’s fingers tighten on her waist.

A deeper shadow moved at the door to the hall and was gone.

Behind her Kili rolled to his feet in a rustle of straw and moved on silent feet towards the stable door. Fili put a finger to his lips, gestured for her to stay put and followed his brother. Both holding weapons she hadn't even seen them lift.

She watched them take up position either side of the door, fingers flickering with their sign language, before Kili slipped out through into the hall beyond. Fili following a moment after, a throwing knife in each hand. 

Groping around in the straw Vanessa found her knife and gripped it hard. She knew that voice. Her heart pounded in her chest and she looked around into the deep shadows of the stables, straining her ears listening for footsteps. She could hear nothing over the snores. She didn't feel safe. 

“I told you to stay back," hissed Fili, half turning from his position guarding the stable door as she crept up behind him.

“Fili, I-”

He silenced her with a stern look and pushed her back firmly against the stable wall, a hand on her chest to hold her in place as he turned back to watch the silent hall.

Kili returned to them, tucking his knife away in his belt. “No-one here, I’m certain of it.”

“Did you see it too?” she whispered to him.

“Let's get you back to bed.” 

He exchanged a glance with Fili who nodded. Kili towed her back into the stables, shushing her and commanding in a whisper that she not move until morning. Pushing her down into the straw and covering her with blankets before he left her. 

* * *

Certain she wouldn't sleep Vanessa was disorientated when she woke with a start as the others stirred around her. She looked around for Kili for a few moments before she realised it hadn't actually been a dream.

Tugging on her boots she made sure her knife was secure in her belt before heading out into the main hall to find him. The hall was bathed in soft early morning light and a cool breeze came from the huge doors, lying fully open already. 

She found him on the doorstep, bow held lightly in his hand. Kili turned as she approached.

“Nothing." He shook his head and looked past her into the hall, moving her a little away from the door. Slinging his bow across his shoulder he pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers in a tender kiss. "I'm sorry I couldn't comfort you last night." He ran a thumb along her jaw and kissed her again. "You must have been so frightened. Did you manage to sleep?"

Vanessa nodded. "A little, I'm-" 

She jumped as Fili rounded the corner of the hall. He shook his head slightly at Kili and smiled at her. "Morning, Ness. Did you sleep?"

“Did you both hear it? I wasn't dreaming?”

“I heard someone call your name, it sounded like it came from the main hall." Fili studied her face, a little disconcertingly. 

Kili nodded. “I heard it too. And when I looked to the door someone moved away. I didn't see a face. But there was no-one here. We've checked the whole hall and the grounds. There are no unusual tracks. The bear can't smell anyone and he says no-one got past him, he was adamant.”

“Someone must have.” Fili shook his head. “But who? And for what purpose?” He continued to look at her intently. “They knew your true name. Did you see them?”

“Just their shadow but-” Vanessa lowered her voice to a whisper, “-I recognised the voice. James, it was James. I’m certain of it.”

Kili pulled her closer and looked around quickly. “How is that possible?”

“I don’t know.” Vanessa heard her voice tremble a little. Fili placed a hand soothingly on her arm. “I don’t know.”

“We need to talk with Gandalf." Kili looked at Fili, who nodded.

“Agreed, but first we talk to Thorin. Come on.”

They followed Fili as he led the way across the hall to where Thorin now sat with Beorn by the fire, deep in discussion. Beorn nodded to Fili as they approached and stood, gesturing them towards his private chamber.

Once they were inside and the heavy door had closed Beorn turned to Thorin. “I cannot protect her against shadows in the night. She must go with you.”

He placed a large hand on Vanessa's shoulder and she looked up at him. "I offered Thorin a place of safety for you here with me, little one, but this changes everything. I cannot stay here with you during the night, I must patrol my borders.” He looked genuinely distressed.

Vanessa touched his hand and felt Kili's grip on her fingers tighten almost imperceptibly. “Thank you.”

He bowed his head slightly and addressed Thorin. “I will begin preparations for your departure. Shall I send in the wizard?”

Thorin shook his head and Beorn left, closing the door quietly.

“You are absolutely certain of this, Fili?”

“I am, Uncle. I heard an unfamiliar voice and we searched thoroughly but there was no-one. I cannot explain it."

Fili touched the hilt of a knife on his belt as he continued, "Ness says she recognises the voice as one of her attackers. I do not know how this can be the case but she believes it to be true. I have no reason to doubt her.

"Perhaps Gandalf may be able to offer some insight? Either way I feel we must assume that this creature is searching for her and means her harm, and we would be negligent indeed if we did not also assume that it has the means to do so."

Thorin was watching her closely now, Vanessa dropped her eyes to her boots. 

"I can only surmise that it is some sort of magic, Uncle, and I do not know if conventional weaponry will be of any use. But we would be poor friends indeed to leave her here with minimal protection, and certainly no magical protection. Beorn is strong, but he is no wizard. As far as I am aware."

Fili shot her a quick, encouraging smile. "We have been training Ness, of course. She is enthusiastic and listens well. I know that she is doing her very best-"

Vanessa stared at him, feeling suddenly a bit disorientated, like she'd been transported back to school.

"-but she is far from battle ready. It would be unfair of us to ask her to face this foe alone. I believe-"

Thorin held up a hand. Fili stopped and clasped his hands behind his back.

“Are you certain you weren’t dreaming, Fili? Or reacting to someone else? You are completely certain you heard this voice.”

“I heard it too,” Kili interrupted as Fili opened his mouth to respond, “and I saw a shadow move.”

Thorin turned to look at them. He glanced down at Kili's fingers interlaced with hers,

Vanessa tried to subtlely let go but the grip on her hand tightened. “I know how it sounds-" she began.

Thorin cut her off with a raised hand. “I do not know exactly at what point your troubles became mine, but it would appear that you must travel with us a while further. Leave us now, and you, Fili. I wish to speak with Kili alone.”

Fili ushered her out the door and they stood uncertainly in the main hall. The Company were already at breakfast and waved them over.

“What is going on?” asked Dwalin.

Fili helped her onto the bench and settled himself beside her. He had lifted some bread and was just beginning to explain about their night time visitor when they heard an angry shout from the room behind them.

The Company stared open mouthed at the closed door as a second raised voice joined the first. Vanessa couldn't understand the muffled words but the others were quiet as they listened intently.

“Well. That’s that then," said Bofur. “Who owes me money? Gloin, sort it out.”

“What are they saying?” she whispered to Fili.

He shook his head in response and spoke to the table. “Finish up here and be packed and ready to leave within the hour. Dwalin, I'm leaving you in charge. Ori, can you help Ness with our things?” With a heavy sigh Fili bowed his head for a moment before flicking the bread back onto the table. He stood and shook out his shoulders before heading for the closed door.

* * *

“Ori, can you-”

“Don’t ask me, please." Ori looked at her sideways as they rummaged through the straw making sure nothing was left behind. “It’s a secret language, I mustn't.” He pulled Fili’s pack closed. “There, all done.” and scurried off.

Vanessa carried the packs out to the main hall and added them to the growing pile. The door to Beorn's room was still closed and she could make out Thorin’s raised voice, but not the words. It seemed to have calmed somewhat.

“Have you seen Gandalf?” she asked Bilbo.

“Oh, Ness." Bilbo turned away from the door and looked at her sadly. “What have you done?”

She felt a little flicker of irritation. “I haven’t done anything wrong. I need to speak to Gandalf.”

She found the wizard sitting peacefully in the side garden, completely relaxed with his face turned up to the sun. “Gandalf. What are you doing?”

“Well.” Gandalf opened his eyes and lifted his pipe from a pocket. “Currently I am listening. My Khuzdul is a little rudimental but I’m getting the most of it I think.”

“You’re eavesdropping?” Vanessa whispered, lowering her voice as she crept closer. She pressed her ear to the wood. She could hear Kili's voice, he sounded angry. "Can you tell me what they’re saying? Actually, don’t. It’s probably best I don’t know. I need to talk to you about creepy shadows calling my name."

He looked at her thoughtfully. “Yes. Beorn told me about that. It is a worrying development. How did the voice sound?”

“It was James, I’m sure of it.”

“Yes, but how did he sound?”

Vanessa thought hard. “He only said my name, it sounded like he was calling for me, searching? Am I going back? Does this mean I'm going back and they’re waiting for me?” 

He shushed her. “It’s not the time to panic just yet.”

“I don’t know Gandalf, this is starting to feel like exactly the right time to panic. Kili is in there arguing with Thorin, I suspect partially about me."

Gandalf nodded in agreement.

“I didn't think about the...I don’t know, the political side of it I suppose, neither of us did. It was just the heat of the moment, we-" 

He held up his hands.

“Sorry. Anyway, you know how it is. But I’m thinking about it now and it’s terrifying. I’m thinking about what Galadriel said, that they won’t accept me. What if he sends me away? What if he sends Kili away? Because of me? What happens to them then? They can’t be apart, I know that much. It would break their hearts. But perhaps if it means they live. Or Kili lives. But I don't want to lose either of them.”

She scrubbed fingers through her hair and tugged hard to try and stop the tears that threatened. “But then if I get taken back to my world? What happens to Kili then? And what happens to me? Is this where we’ve, well, where I've, changed everything? But then I don't think so because we'd already, you know, done things before I looked in the mirror. So I'm thinking the mirror was up to date? What do you think?"

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I don’t know either. How do I start to fix things? Have I broken everything? Or is this better? Do I tell him it’s over, is that best?"

Her heart was beating far too fast. She started to pace in front of the bench to try and calm her thoughts. "I didn't mean for any of this, there was no plan and it’s all gotten very serious and very intense, very fast. I’m completely out of my depth here and I’m really not good at this. And what I mean by that is that I’ve got form for making a real mess of these things. It never ends well. Never. Believe me."

She tasted blood and stopped chewing on her nail, clasping her hands firmly behind her back instead. "And then. Say we do manage to change things and I don't get dragged back to my own world and everything works out and I don't fuck it up and it’s happy ever after and he lives? If everyone lives? What then? These lads live for hundreds of years. I thought I was a little older than Kili. I'm not. Not even close. Do you know what age Balin is? Do you? I near dropped when Kili told me, he thought it was funny. I don’t have hundreds of years."

Vanessa stopped in front of Gandalf and lifted a lock of hair above her scar, shaking it at him. He looked at it politely. 

"Look. Look. I found this. I’m going grey. I don’t want to balls everything up for him and then die in thirty odd years and leave him on his own. He says he doesn’t care but he will when I’m dribbling in my soup and he's....” She paused to drag in a panicky breath, “Stop laughing at me. I need you to tell me what to do.”

Gandalf busied himself with his pipe. After a few moments he looked up, his face smooth but his eyes still twinkling. She glared at him as best she could. 

“I can’t tell you what to do, Ness, because I simply do not know. Give me some time to think and I will help you if I can." He patted her arm and smiled kindly at her. "My advice for now is try not to upset Thorin any further, keep your head up and be brave. The voice in the night concerns me, and not just for you, I am hopeful that when we move it will not follow but we will see. For everything else, well, just do your best.”

“Perhaps you should leave me. Maybe I should just let them come for me, it might be best for everyone.”

Please don’t agree, she thought as she stared at him. Please don’t leave me.

“Nonsense. The Company wouldn’t hear of it. I wouldn’t hear of it. Even Thorin, angry as he is right now, wouldn’t seriously consider it. So put that out of your head right now.”

Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief.

“Martyrdom doesn’t suit you, so don’t try to pretend it does. What if I had taken you seriously, eh?” He patted her head as he stood. “Come along now. Beorn may need help with the ponies.”

“Leave her with me, Gandalf. We'll be along in a moment.”

Vanessa sent a pleading look at Gandalf, only realising that she was holding tightly to his sleeve as he firmly unpeeled her fingers. He smiled at her encouragingly and left.

“I’m really sorry,” she started, once she could bear the silence no longer.

Thorin held up a hand to stop her and sighed wearily. “I don’t want to hear it. I have spent precious time that I do not have listening to my youngest nephew, my heir, stamp his feet and shout that he cannot and will not give you up.”

He looked her up and down and stepped closer. Vanessa stepped back reflexively.

“Tell me the truth. What are you? What are you to have ensnared him so neatly? To have led him astray? To have bewitched not only one, but both of them? For I am not so sure I believe this traveller nonsense from Gandalf. As it happens I am beginning to think there is a much simpler explanation, one a little closer to home. Wouldn't you agree? So tell me. Who sent you? Is it because of you that Azog tracks us so closely?”

“What?” Vanessa squeaked in panic, stumbling backwards as he advanced on her.

“Who sent you?” Thorin took an iron grip on her arm and held her still as he looked into her eyes, searching.

“Nobody,” Vanessa stammered, feeling like the bones in her arm were grinding together. She tried to wrench herself free. “You're hurting me.” 

“Who sent you? Who sent you to infiltrate my Company? To seduce and ruin my nephew and pollute my line with...whatever you are? You have destroyed him as completely as if you had put a knife in his heart the very day you met. I suppose you should have my heartfelt thanks that you didn’t take Fili. Or perhaps there were darker plans for him? For me?”

“I don’t have any plans. At all. For anything. You must believe me. I’m not from this world and I’m really scared that something is coming for me. And I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I never meant-”

“Save your tears. I no longer believe you. You will stay with us, close, where I can see you. And if I think for one moment that you are putting my nephews, either of them, in any danger then I will deal with you myself. Your witchcraft will not save you, not now the scales have fallen from my eyes.”

“Witchcraft? No, god, no, Thorin. I don’t know anything about-” Vanessa stopped, horrified as the thought sank in. “Please don’t tell Kili I’m a witch, please. I’m not I promise.”

“There will be no more spells, no voices in the night, no more mysterious shadows to lure and distract my nephews. Do we have an understanding?”

“Thorin, please. I-”

"I will hurt him if I must, to save him. I will break his heart and he will forgive me in time. As for you, you may tell your master that his plan has failed and your true form has been revealed." Thorin released her roughly and turned away. "Perhaps he will deal with you himself and save me the trouble.”

* * *

Beorn called to her as she joined the others outside the gate. Most of the Company were already mounted.

“You are pale and frightened, little one." He knelt in front of her and engulfed her hands in his. “I am truly sorry. I would have kept you here and protected you.”

“Thank you, you’re very kind.” Vanessa could see Kili turning his pony to watch them. “It’s been lovely to meet you.” She tried to extract her hands but he held her tightly.

“Little one, look at me and listen carefully. I don’t like dwarves. They are greedy and blind, blind to the lives of those they deem lesser than their own. Do not let yourself be taken for a fool. You are not one of them and you will never be one of them, no matter what pretty lies they tell you. Don’t look at him, listen to me.”

Vanessa snapped her eyes from Kili and back to Beorn.

"I saw your little nest in the woods, I know what he has done to you. I can smell him on you. He does not love you, little one, he cannot. It is not in his nature."

“Give her to me, skinchanger.”

Beorn stood and Vanessa was sure she heard a growl and saw his skin ripple. At his full height he towered over Kili, even on the back of a pony.

Kili met him glare for glare as she attempted to get in between them and held up her hands.

“Please. No. Thank you, Beorn, thank you for all your generosity.”

They both ignored her.

Beorn whistled without breaking eye contact with Kili. A pony stepped across to them, Bilbo on it's back, tugging ineffectually on the reins. 

Vanessa squeaked despite herself as Beorn lifted her as if she weighed nothing and placed her carefully into the saddle behind a frightened looking Bilbo. 

“The little ones will ride together. You must think, princeling-"

A snarl from Kili this time as Fili's pony nudged it's way between Kili and Beorn. Fili placed a steadying hand on his brothers arm.

“-for if you were to think for just a moment," Beorn said pleasantly, "on what harm could come to her should you be attacked. Where will she be safe?

"We both know that she will not be safe with you, Prince Kili of Durin’s folk. With your bow and the pretty designs on your clothes. Your golden brother by your side. Anyone who cares to look will know exactly who you are. Azog will know who you are. No. This pony is lightly laden and swift of foot, she will run to me, and I will protect them both.”

Kili turned his pony roughly and moved away, eliciting another growl from Beorn.

“Keep your brother in hand," he said to Fili, "my animals are my kin.”

Fili inclined his head in acknowledgement and followed Kili.

Vanessa felt a large hand land on her thigh as she twisted to watch them go. “Little ones, you are both welcome to return to me if you need to. You have nothing to fear from me, I promise you.”

They thanked him profusely and then the ponies were moving and their pony followed. She breathed out shakily.

“Ness." Bilbo twisted to look at her. "What is going on?”

“I don’t know, Bilbo, I just don’t know. It’s all wrong and I don’t know how to stop it.”


	22. A good dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the run.

Kili helped Bilbo from the pony and reached up again for Vanessa. She managed to sling her leg over the pony's broad back on the second attempt and slid down and into his arms, grateful to be back on solid ground after a hard day in the saddle.

“My Ness, how are you feeling?” He smiled at her, his arms around her waist.

She nodded. “Pretty sure there's bits of me will never be the same again.”

Kili smiled at her. “You will ride with me tomorrow." He pulled her close and pressed a light kiss to her lips. “I actually agree with the bear, but you and Bilbo nearly came off a few times today. I have spent all day watching and worrying. Neither of you should be riding alone, not at this speed.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shushed her and kissed her again, his lips parting hers as his hand slid up her back and settled at the nape of her neck. 

“Kili.” Vanessa pushed frantically at his chest. She looked around to check they weren’t being watched, everyone looked busy but that was no guarantee of anything. “Thorin. We can't-"

“They all know you're mine now, we don't need to hide from anyone. Not anymore." He lifted the saddlebags easily from the pony and took her hand to lead her into the rapidly set up camp, smiling at her. "And you’ve nothing to apologise for.”

“No fires, get some food and sleep." Thorin made his way through the camp. "We move at first light. I want double watches tonight. Be on your guard.”

It was a silent and sleepless camp that night, all of them listening carefully to the darkness and jumping at the slightest sound as they tried to get some rest.

Vanessa curled up tightly on Kili's chest, taking comfort in his steady heartbeat and Fili's warm, solid body at her back. Both brothers had their heavy arms wrapped around her and weapons close at hand.

“Sleep,” Kili whispered as he stroked fingers through her hair. “We're right here with you, you’re safe.”

* * *

Kili boosted her up into the saddle and swung himself up behind her, a strong arm wrapping around her waist. Vanessa looked across at Bilbo holding on tightly behind Nori, and their little pony from the day before loaded with packs and tied to Bofur’s saddle.

Beorn will not be happy, she thought as she looked out across the distant hills, half expecting to see him watching them.

“Don’t worry about an angry bear.” Kili's lips touched her ear. “He’s far behind us. Now hold on.” He kicked the pony hard and they were away.

Once the sun was overhead they slowed the sweating ponies to a walk and passed out bread and apples. Vanessa stroked Kili’s arm about her waist as she finished her apple and screwed up her courage. “Kili?”

He made a noise against her neck where he’d been resting his head, reins held loosely between his fingers.

“Do you want to talk about yesterday?” she whispered, looking around at the other ponies, contenting herself that no-one was close enough to overhear.

He lifted his head a little and watched as she flicked the apple core into the long grass. "Did you just throw that away?"

"I'd finished it." Vanessa lowered her voice again, twisted so she could look at him. He was staring over his shoulder at the grass. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"You've obviously never been hungry." Kili tore his eyes away and turned his attention back to her. He smiled brightly and kissed her forehead. "But that's a good thing. I'll make sure you never are, I promise." 

Vanessa was considering asking him a third time when he continued. 

“I should have told Thorin the moment I knew I wanted you to be mine. That’s why he is angry.”

“Really?” She twisted her neck further to look at him properly.

He looked her in the eyes and shrugged, smiling. “Partially. And maybe a little because you’re not the daughter of some dwarf lord. But I have told him that I will have no other but you. He'll come to terms with it.”

“Oh, Kili.”

“I will have no other but you. No other.”

“And I will have no other but you.”

He kissed her lightly. "That makes my heart sing, Ness."

“What else?” She prompted as he raised his eyebrows at her, amused. “There must have been more? There was a lot of shouting.”

“Oh. Well. After I told Thorin that I intended to marry you, and this isn’t how I had planned to ask you by the way. Will you marry me, Ness?”

She breathed a yes, feeling her heart begin to pound with what felt an awful lot like panic. 

Kili smiled happily. “Good. That’s all settled then. So after I told Thorin that I intended to marry you he said that we would discuss further once we were in Erebor and that under no circumstances should I put a babe in your belly.”

She felt his hand slide under her cloak.

He spread his fingers wide over her stomach, lowered his voice. “I told him that it may already be too late for that. That’s right, isn’t it?”

“Oh my god. I don't know." She turned and looked down, watching the small movements of her cloak as his fingers massaged gentle circles on her belly. "I don’t know. It could be.”

“We'll find out in time, Ness.” He pressed his lips to her neck as she felt her heartrate kick up further.

Definitely panic, she thought. We need to start being careful. If it's not already too late. The vision in the mirror came rushing back, the dark haired child. 

"Your heart is racing, Ness, you really mustn't worry. I for one am glad everything is out in the open. Fili had counselled me to keep our love secret until the time was right."

She felt him shrug behind her.

"But this is better. I love you and I see no reason to hide it. Anyway. I think that was about the point where Uncle Thorin got really, really angry and Fee arrived. And then Thorin shouted at him for a bit, which gave me a bit of a break.”

“Shouted at Fili?”

“Oh yes, anytime I do anything Thorin feels to be a bit reckless poor Fee gets shouted at as well. That’s always been the case, even when we were little dwarflings. Ask Fee tonight, he’ll tell you some stories. I'd like to say that it worked both ways. But that would be dishonest."

Vanessa smiled despite herself and twisted to look at him. She took a deep breath. “Thorin said-”

A flash of anger, smothered as quickly as it appeared. “He spoke with you? I asked him not to upset you. But don’t take anything he said to heart, he's angry but it will pass. It always does. Let's not talk anymore about it now though, let me tell you about my dream last night.” Kili wrapped both arms around her tightly, the reins loose across the pony's neck in front of them. “Can I share it with you?”

She leaned back against him and nodded, asking him if Thorin had shared his witch theory with them could wait. She’d no idea how to ask the question anyway. Perhaps she'd ask Fili.

“Last night,” he whispered, his lips brushing her ear and sending a tremble through her. She heard the smile in his voice as he continued. 

“Last night I had a dream that I walked in a pleasant woodland. I could feel the warmth of the evening sun against my skin as it flickered through the trees, and the weight of rabbits on my hip. My path was easy and it led me to the edge of a clearing. A little house set within it. I could smell woodsmoke and the evening flowers. It felt familiar to me. 

"My steps take me to the door and as it opens I see two little dwarflings at a table. They jump up and fall all over themselves as they rush to cling to my legs. I kneel and gather them into my arms and I can hear their little voices as they talk over each other, eagerly trying to tell me everything about their day all at once. I can smell their freshly scrubbed skin and feel the softness of their faces against mine.

Kili shifted his hips as he changed position, he pulled her tighter to him. "And then I look up and there you are, and you smile your beautiful smile at me. I kiss the little ones and untangle myself from them and make my way to you. Your feet are bare against the stones and you’re stirring a pot on the range.”

Vanessa closed her eyes as she felt him smile against her neck.

"I take you in my arms and I kiss you and then you lift my hand and place it flat against your swollen belly. Like this. And the world stills. I can feel the little one moving inside and I know in my heart that this one is our little girl. A strong, beautiful little girl to keep her mischievous elder brothers in line. And I’m happy, I’m so breathtakingly happy.

"I wake and you’re curled up asleep on my chest with my brother by my side. And as the dream faded I could still feel their soft hair under my fingertips and smell their skin. I could feel the movement of new life under my palm. As it were real, and I know that everything will be fine. It will be. I promise. I know it deep in my heart.”

“Oh, Kili.” Vanessa opened her eyes and smiled at him, at his picture of her pregnant and barefoot in the kitchen and waiting for him to come home. Do you know, she thought, that would do. Not the life I’d thought but right now I’d take it. “That’s a good dream.”

“Do you like it? You can have it if you like it. No more dreams of blood and loss." He kissed her gently. “Dream sweet dreams of a little house in the woods and a quiet, contented life with me.”

Vanessa felt her heart swell and break a little. If only, she thought, if only we could. Not trusting herself to speak she nodded and kissed him, a hand in his hair to hold him to her. He pressed her closer as she released him, lifting the reins as Thorin shouted them back into a gallop.


	23. No knife tricks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Into Mirkwood.
> 
> Unashamedly fluffy.

“Not my horse, I need it!”

Vanessa looked up from helping Ori and Bofur redistribute the weight in the packs.

“You’re not leaving us?” Bilbo stopped Gandalf as he swept hurriedly out of the trees.

“I would not do this unless I had to.”

A ripple of dismay ran through the others, Vanessa felt a little flutter of panic. She waylaid Gandalf as he rushed to his horse. “Gandalf,” she hissed, “Gandalf. I need to talk to you.”

“I have no time.” He stopped and placed a hand on her shoulder, leaning down to look into her face. “I have not forgotten your problems, don’t worry. They are on my list with all the other problems. No more voices?”

She shook her head.

“Good, that's good. I think we have time there. You had mentioned voices in Rivendell but I didn’t think anything of it, just that you were distressed by the mirror. Then we stopped with Beorn. So my theory, just a theory mind, is that as long as you keep moving they cannot find you.”

“Gandalf!”

“Try not to worry, we'll work everything out. I’ll see you on the other side of the forest and I’ll have had more time to think.”

“Gandalf,” she lowered her voice, “don't leave me, please. It's Thorin. He thinks I’m a witch.”

“Oh, I know all about that. I’ve told him that’s nonsense.”

“But did he believe you? Who else has he told? He threatened me. He thinks I’m in league with Azog. I’m pretty sure if we see any orcs he'll throw me to them, or slit my throat himself. I can’t cope with this. You need to stay and help me.”

He patted her on the head. "Don’t give me that look." He straightened with a smile and began to move toward his horse, Vanessa scuttled along beside him, trying to restrain herself from grabbing at his robes. 

"Please, Gandalf, I'm really scared. Don't leave me. Or take me with you. I can help, whatever it is that you're doing. Take me with you and I can watch your back. Fili and Kili have been training me, I'm quite useful now."

Vanessa wondered briefly how she'd explain to Kili, pushed it aside. She'd deal with that once Gandalf agreed. Fili's theory that the shadows were magical terrified her. He'd tried to reassure her that he was certain a sword would work just fine against them, but he was a terrible liar. She needed someone with magic nearby.

It'll be like a little holiday, she thought. A break from the dark, murderous looks Thorin is giving me.

"I've got this far watching my own back, I think I'll be fine." Gandalf smiled down at her kindly, a little patronisingly Vanessa felt as he handed her his staff. "Hold this for me."

It burned her fingers and made her wrist itch but she gritted her teeth and hung onto it, determined to show she was useful. It might be a test. She watched as Gandalf swung himself easily onto his horse. He looked down at her. "Thorin was just angry. Nobody could seriously believe that you were a witch, or that you were working with orcs. Keep moving, do your best not to upset him any further, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Gandalf. Please."

He tugged the staff from her hands and raised his voice so everyone could hear. "You must stay on the path, do not leave it. If you do you will never find it again.” With a final nod to her he started to ride away from them. “No matter what may come, stay on the path!”

As she stood and watched him leave, feeling bereft and thinking unkind thoughts about feckless wizards, she felt strong fingers interlace with hers.

“Come on. I know you'll miss him but we'll see him again soon.” Kili tugged her hand gently and she turned and followed him underneath the dark boughs of Mirkwood.

* * *

Oppressive.

Vanessa thought that was the word she was looking for. It had taken her longer than it should have. The forest felt like it was pushing down on them, stealing their breath.

Kili walked ahead of her, an arrow held loosely on his bow, Fili at her shoulder. Both unusually silent.

Finally, as darkness threatened, Thorin called a halt and they set up camp along the narrow path.

“Set watches, and start a fire. Be sparing with the food, Bombur.”

They drew watches. Vanessa wondered vaguely at what point she would be considered trustworthy enough to join in, dismissing the thought as she accidentally caught Thorin’s eye.

Never.

* * *

“Does anyone else feel like we’re being watched?” she asked.

Fili nodded. Kili tutted and adjusted her hands. “We’re absolutely being watched, by many things. Pay attention to what you’re doing. I’ll show you again.” He nudged her over with his hip and took her place at Fili's back, undoing the braid with practised fingers.

“Like this.”

She watched closely as he showed her again. “Slower, you go too fast.”

Fili gave something that sounded a lot like a snigger, Kili flicked his ear hard. “Sit still, brother.”

She watched his fingers carefully as he undid the braid and showed her again, slower this time. He pulled her over in between them and unravelled the hair, combing it through with his fingers and separating it for her, positioning her fingers. 

It shouldn't be this hard, Vanessa thought as she tried again, very aware of his hips pressed tight against her and her thighs touching his. He shifted, the movement a distraction as he slid a hand around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder.

Honestly, she told herself sternly, you've plaited hair before. “Why don’t you braid your hair?” she asked him. 

Fili snorted with laughter as Kili shifted again behind her, reaching forward to adjust her fingers. Vanessa glanced at him, not sure he wasn't deliberately trying to distract her. He met her eyes, all innocence. 

"That would involve taking some care with his appearance," Fili said, "How have you not noticed by now? He’s just naturally untidy. Put a braid in his hair and it’s unravelling almost as soon as you’re finished. It’s like his hair just rejects them." He jerked as Kili’s knee caught him in the back. “I spent years trying to keep a braid in his hair, years. Our mother despairs of him.”

“Mother does not despair of me, you liar. My hair just speaks of your lack of skills, Fee. Your big, clumsy fingers. It's not actually a reflection of me at all.” Kili winked at her and readjusted the braid she had just finished. “Better. Try another.”

Fili ignored him. “Our mother panders to him, her brown-eyed baby boy. He can do no wrong. You'll see, Ness. When you meet her, you’ll see I’m right.”

She could see Kili grinning happily over her shoulder. He shrugged. “Perhaps she does a bit, yes. What can I say?” He nodded across the fire and straightened. “Coming now, Dori." 

Taking the braid from her he finished it quickly and stood, brushing the dust from the path off his trousers. “Get some sleep you two, I’ll be back when it’s your turn, Fee.”

* * *

“Take it.” Fili twirled the little knife in his fingers and made to hand it to her with a flourish. “It’s a proper throwing knife, like we practised with. Put it somewhere safe in case you need it.”

“I can’t take this.”

“Don’t be giving her knives, Fee.” Kili glanced back over his shoulder. “She has a knife and a sword already and she won’t need either. Not with us here.”

Fili rolled his eyes as Kili turned away and pressed the little knife into her hand, wrapping her fingers around it. He lowered his voice and leaned in. “Honestly it’s fine, take it, it's a gift. I have others. You could do with a few more actually. Just in case.”

A snort from Kili.

“As could you.”

“No thanks, Fee. I like being able to sit down without worrying about skewering myself.”

“Ness.” Fili produced the matching knife from somewhere. "Watch me. You can practise this tonight when we stop.” He spun the knife in his fingers, she watched the flickering blade. “I'll do it slower, watch. You need to get more familiar with the weapons you’re carrying. You still hold your sword like you think it's going to crawl up your arm and attack you. But your weapons should be like an extension of you, a part of you. Like a hand or a foot. We'll find a little hiding place on you somewhere for your new one, it’s always good to have one more knife than anyone knows about.”

“I didn’t even see where you took that from, Fili. You're so quick.”

“Don’t. Please don’t inflate his ego.” Kili turned and walked backwards, pointing at Fili. “No. No knife tricks. I like her with all her fingers.”

“Turn around, little brother, those squirrels won’t shoot themselves you know.” Fili shot a wink at Vanessa and mouthed, “Later, I’ll show you later.”

* * *

They gave up on the fires on the third night, stamping them out as soon as a meagre dinner was ready. The insects were too numerous, drawn in swarms to the lights. And the multitude of eyes in the dark, glinting in the firelight, too close.

Vanessa curled in tight against Kili's chest, an arm around his waist as he pulled their cloaks around them in an illusion of privacy, hoods drawn up, legs cosily entwined.

Fili was on watch nearby, she could hear him grumbling and swearing softly as he swatted away the occasional insect plaguing him. The mood had been slowly and steadily lowering amongst the Company as they worried about their dwindling food supplies and wondered how much of this dark, miserable forest could be left.

Surely, they muttered to each other often, surely they must be nearly through.

Although, as Kili turned the little runestone through his fingertips and whispered to her a story about a camping trip with Fili in the Blue Mountains Vanessa felt that perhaps things weren’t so bad.

She smiled a little as she snuggled in closer and he pressed a kiss to her forehead. There were better places to be, that was true, but there were also worse ones. No orcs, an elven path to follow, no shadows calling her name, she was even having less nightmares, Mirkwood wasn't so bad.


	24. Don’t touch the water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naptime in Mirkwood

“Don’t touch the water,” Thorin warned.

They gathered on the bank and looked listlessly down into the river as it cut across the path, pitch black but so inviting.

Vanessa licked her dry lips, their rapidly diminished water supplies were being carefully rationed. They were constantly thirsty. Each night she had to keep a close eye on Fili and Kili to make sure they weren’t sneaking any more of their allowance into hers. Beorn had cautioned them not to drink from any streams in the forest, claiming they were enchanted. Vanessa looked at the remains of the bridge and sighed, there was no way across. They'd have to swim or go back.

She was staring back down the path and trying to remember how many days someone can last without water, she thought it was quite a long time and was wondering vaguely if it would be the same for dwarves, when Bilbo shouted that he could see a boat on the far bank.

Thorin called Fili forward from her side and together with Bilbo they looked out across the river and into the gloom. A hook was tied tightly to one of the ropes and the Company moved back to give Fili room as he weighted it in his hands and gave it a practice swing. He managed to hook the boat on the second attempt, gingerly pulling in the wet rope and giving it a few experimental tugs. The boat held fast until Oin and Gloin joined him and between them they managed to break it away from it’s mooring. The little boat coming into view as it bounced across the current.

Thorin leaned carefully out from the bank to catch a hold of it, he checked the bottom of the boat and swore. “No oars.”

A further discussion before Fili threw another rope across into the trees on the far side. He tugged hard on it and it held.

Thorin unslung his bow, a gift from Beorn. “Kili. Dwalin. With me. We'll go first and check the other bank, on my signal the rest of you can come across." He nodded once to Fili. "Remember, do not touch the water.”

Vanessa watched anxiously as the little boat moved off. Thorin and Kili balancing easily with arrows nocked as it pitched and rocked in the current and Dwalin pulled them across hand over hand on the rope. They jumped off on the other side and she struggled to keep track of them as they flitted through the trees.

Dwalin appeared from the gloom and waved the all clear. Fili began to haul the boat back, handing the rope to Gloin. “Bilbo, Ness. You’re with me.” Fili threw some packs into the boat and held the boat steady with his boot as he helped them in. “Stay low and don’t move.”

He balanced himself carefully across the boat and quickly pulled them across. As he held the boat steady Dwalin pulled Bilbo and then her up the bank, reaching down carefully to drag the packs to the shore. Fili leapt out and sent the boat back.

Vanessa stood by the bank and watched anxiously as the last load come in, pulled across by Fili and Dwalin. “Should we drag the boat up the bank and hide it, Fili?" she asked as he helped Dori ashore. "Just in case anything is following us.”

“That’s not a bad idea. Dwalin, give me a hand.”

She moved along the bank a little to give them room and stood beside Bombur.

“I’m so hungry," he whispered conspiratorially.

“Me too." She smiled back at him. “I’m looking forward to a nice big bowl of something on the other side. Anything.”

“We'll get your Kili to bag a rabbit or two once we’re out of this place. A big stew in the pot, second helpings for everyone."

“Rabbit stew sounds good to me.” Her stomach rumbled at the thought and they both laughed quietly.

Heavy hoofbeats on the path surprised them all.

Bombur pushed Vanessa out of the way as a huge stag burst out of the trees, leaping past them and splashing into the river. Turning to watch the stag's flight Vanessa saw Bombur’s foot slide on the bank and then he was falling. Reflexively she grabbed at his hand, realising her mistake too late as he tipped into the river and she fell with him, the freezing, dark water closing over their heads.

The river was fast flowing but mercifully not deep. Vanessa was only below the water for a moment before she got her feet under her and grabbed a hold of the grass at the bank, the fierce current pummelling her and trying to drag her downstream. Strong hands grabbed her and hauled her out.

“I’m fine," she gasped, “cold, it’s cold!”

Fili pulled her sodden cloak off quickly and swapped it for his, wrapping it tightly around her. He rubbed her arms briskly as Kili rushed over to them. The others were pulling an unconscious Bombur out of the river.

“Oh no,” whispered Vanessa, “Bombur.”

Fili lifted his head to look, concern on his face before a loud snore ripped through the air.

“He's asleep?” Bofur breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness, for a moment I thought-"

Vanessa realised that Fili had stopped rubbing her arms and everyone was looking curiously at her. “What?” she asked through chattering teeth.

“Get back from her.” Thorin stepped forward and placed a hand on Fili’s arm, pushing him backward. “You too.” He dragged Kili back a step.

Oin stepped forward. “Thorin, you need to let her get out of those wet clothes."

“Bombur seems warm enough.” Thorin narrowed his eyes at her. “No closer, Oin. We need you.” Thorin pushed his nephews behind him. A hand firmly on Kili’s chest. He moved slightly closer and looked her in the eyes. "So. Tell me. Why does the river's enchantment not affect you?”

Pulling Fili's cloak closer around her for warmth and comfort Vanessa shook with a mix of cold and fear. This felt bad. “I don’t know.”

“The usual answer, I should have known better by now than to expect a different one.”

Vanessa bowed her head as Kili stepped away. He returned with her pack and motioned to her to follow him.

“Kili.” Thorin's voice raised in warning.

“Uncle. She’s cold. She’ll get sick. Come on, Ness, I can’t touch you but I can help.”

* * *

In dry clothes she trailed along miserably, lost in sad thoughts.

Kili had left her to take his turn carrying Bombur, Fili was on rear guard, and absolutely nobody was speaking to her. She buried her nose in the fabric of Fili’s cloak and breathed in his familiar scent to try and settle herself.

“I don’t think you’re a witch,” Fili whispered in her ear, making her jump.

Bofur walked past them to take Fili's place at the back of group. He threw her a wink.

“Fili?”

He shushed her. “I don't. And neither does Kili so you needn't worry.”

“Oh, Fili.” She felt a rush of relief.

Fili reached for her hand and thought better of it. "Sorry, I'm not sure if I can touch your skin. The lads won’t be happy if they have to carry me too.” Smiling widely at her Fili continued in a low voice, keeping an eye on Thorin. “We don't. I promise. Listen to me, I know we’re a bit superstitious but remember it was me and Kili who found you in the woods. We know you, better than anyone. Oh, don’t cry.” His face fell. “Please don't cry when I can’t hold you.”

She scrubbed at her face. “Sorry, really sorry. It’s relief, I promise. Thank you. I’ve been a wreck trying to get the courage up to ask you. Thorin told me he thought I was a witch back at Beorn’s and I’ve been so worried ever since. He thinks I’m a lot of things that I’m not. I’m really not. And I didn’t know if he’d said to you both and then I wanted to ask, but I was too scared to ask in case he hadn't said to you and then me telling you would make you think I was and then you wouldn't like me any more.”

She took a breath and looked up at him, smiling as he stared back at her. “You’ve made me so happy.”

“Oh, Ness.” He patted her shoulder carefully. “You can be a bit of a fool at times.”

“What do the others think?”

“Like I said, we're a superstitious lot. We mistrust magic generally. So there’s a bit of a split. Oin supports you. He has reminded Thorin that Gandalf thinks you may have some resistance to magic. Bofur, of course, has spoke up for you along with a few of the others. Not that it matters. It is not a crime to be a witch even if you were one." Fili looked at her sideways. 

"I'm not," she said quickly, just in case he was having second thoughts, "I promise I'm not."

"I really don’t think my uncle believes in his heart that you’re a witch, he’s just a bit upset that’s all. He'll come round.” Fili shrugged. “He always does.”

The Company stopped early, tired with carrying Bombur who slumbered on oblivious. They slumped out along the path and set their watches as usual, eating their ration, saving Bombur’s for when he woke up.

Kili pulled her down into the bedroll with him, wrapping her up tightly in his arms whilst Fili sat beside them, running his fingers through the grass. Vanessa tried to shake the cold feeling that had settled in her chest. Not for the first time she wondered whether she should have stayed in Rivendell, or even in the Shire.

Maybe I have been sent by something malevolent, she thought, maybe something pulled me out of my world and dropped me here and I'm just blundering about upsetting everything, driving a wedge between Thorin and his boys. What if Thorin's right and it is me, what if I hurt them?

She felt a bit sick.

“Ness,” Kili whispered into her hair. “Stop worrying. Close your eyes for me and sleep.”


	25. I love you, my Ness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spiders and Elves

Poor Bombur was not at all happy to wake up and discover that he was still in the forest and food supplies were still low.

And then they lost the path.

After a frustrating and futile search and with tempers fraying badly Thorin sent Bilbo up a tree to try and scope out their route forward.

“You.” Thorin pointed at Vanessa. “Get up there and help him. No, not that one. A different tree."

Vanessa nodded eagerly and turned away from Bilbo's tree. Ditching her pack she leapt up to catch the lowest branch of the adjacent one and started pulling herself upward as quick as she could. Anxious to be useful and please Thorin even as she heard Kili start to object below her.

It was an easy tree with nice wide branches and she climbed quickly, feeling the air change as she rapidly gained height. The branches thinned and she burst through the canopy disturbing a swarm of huge butterflies.

Bilbo smiled and waved across at her from the next tree as she blinked in the light. “The air, there’s air!" He raised his arms, looking as happy as she felt. 

“It’s so beautiful.” She closed her eyes to better feel the breeze and warm sun caressing her skin. "I’d forgotten how lovely sunlight was.”

They laughed and looked around wonderingly before shouts from below reminded them of their task.

“Well,” said Bilbo, pointing. “There’s the mountain and I think I can see the lake so if we head that way as much as possible. We can keep climbing trees and checking our direction.”

They stared at the mountain in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

Vanessa gave herself a little shake and dragged her eyes away, her stomach clenching with anxiety. Forcing her voice bright she smiled at Bilbo. “Sounds like a plan to me anyway. Right, let’s get down before Thorin gets really angry.”

She started to clamber down the tree, stopping as she heard snapping and a shout from Bilbo’s tree. “Bilbo,” she called, “Bilbo, are you all right?”

No answer.

She shouted down urgently to the others, “Kili! Fili! Can you see Bilbo? I think he might have fallen. Does he need help?”

No answer there either.

She climbed on down, slower now, and stopped cautiously on the lower branches, peering through them to the ground.

No one was waiting for her, her pack abandoned at the base of the tree where she had left it. Other packs lay scattered across the ground nearby.

“Kili?” she whispered into the silence, her skin prickling.

A loud snap of a branch from above and she whipped her head up to look directly into the eyes of a monstrous spider as it dangled above her. It opened it's jaws wide and hissed and she screamed. Half leaping, half falling she flung herself from the tree, landing badly and scrambling to her feet as it dropped to the forest floor behind her. Throwing her pack as hard as she could at the spider she ran.

As she pounded through the trees Vanessa could hear the spider clicking right behind her, she tried a fast turn behind a tree then another when that seemed to gain her ground.

I need a plan she thought, any plan will do. I can't just run in circles and hope it gets bored. How do you escape a huge spider?

Another spider dropped out of the tree in front and she changed direction quickly, dashing between the trees only to find a third waiting for her. Reaching for her sword she felt a piercing stab to her leg and hit the ground screaming.

* * *

Vanessa woke as the landing knocked the air from her lungs.

Gasping, breathing in sticky threads and winded she felt something pulling roughly at her face, her arms and legs. She lashed out hard, kicking with both feet, her legs bound together.

“Ness, it’s me. Ness, stop. I’ve got you.”

“Kili!” Choking as she breathed in more webbing she struggled to free her hands with his help and together they tore the remaining strands from her face and mouth. He was covered in sticky strands too and beamed at her in relief as he cut the webs binding her legs. He handed her the knife and pulled out another.

“Can you help with the others? We need to be quick.”

Staggering to her feet Vanessa fell to her knees beside the next web wrapped bundle, carefully cutting through some of the web to give her hands purchase, before ripping through the sticky strands.

Balin pushed his way free, gasping for air, eyes wide and fighting with the webs. She yelped as he caught her a solid knock on the shoulder. He tried to get to his feet as soon as she'd freed his legs and stumbled.

Vanessa grabbed at him and pulled him back down, just managing to duck another swing. “It's me. Balin, stop hitting me and give yourself a moment!”

“Lass. It's you. I'm sorry, I thought it was...where are the spiders?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know, we have to be quick.” Not trusting herself to stand she crawled to the next bundle. Balin crawled slowly over beside her and between them they pulled a very ill looking Bofur free.

Then Bilbo was amongst them shouting that they had to go and they helped each other stagger to their feet and ran.

They didn’t make it far before the spiders had them surrounded. Vanessa clutched Kili’s dagger tightly and swaying on her feet drew her other knife. She could see Bofur at her side looking as ill as she felt, then the world turned into chaos as the spiders threw themselves amongst them.

After Vanessa couldn't remember how long the fight lasted, somewhere between not very long at all and forever. She remembered the horrible feeling of resistance and then give as she buried her blade deep in a spiders eye. It's scream of fury in front of her. Mirroring her own scream of frustration and loss as the dying creature jerked backward, wrenching the knife from her hand. 

She thought she remembered drawing her sword. Bracing herself as a spider leapt towards her only to watch it collapse to the ground midleap and lie twitching pierced by multiple arrows. Turning around in confusion as elves dropped from the trees surrounding them. Not even realising Fili was by her side until he moved in front of her, covered in ichor with his swords drawn.

A tall, blond and extremely angry looking elf stood before them with an arrow nocked and pointed directly at Thorin. With a growl Thorin indicated for the Company to drop their weapons. Vanessa dropped her knife and sword, looking around for Kili as Fili snarled and threw his swords to the ground. He turned to her.

She could read the same thought on his face. “Where's-"

The cry for help jolted them both. Fili flung himself forward into the elves before she could even react, shouting for his brother. Vanessa swept up her knife and tried to slip through the gap he created in the line as he fought furiously with them. The elves restrained them both, several of them holding on to Fili tightly and one knocking the knife from her hand and catching her by the collar.

With a wag of his finger the elf spun her around and pushed her back gently into the other dwarves. Dwalin caught her as she staggered, her legs shaking. 

“Please,” Fili begged the elves holding him as the sounds of fighting slowly stopped. “Please. My brother.” He struggled against them futilely. “Let me go.”

Vanessa caught a glimpse of movement. She stood on her tiptoes and bounced, trying to see around and between the tall elves blocking her way. Her heart lifted in relief. “I see him.” She crept forward and grabbed at Fili's sleeve, trying to get his attention. "Fili. I see him. He's all right."

Nodding to the elves she pulled Fili towards her gently and they released him to her, one of them looking like he was trying hard not to smile. “Look." She tapped Fili hard on the chest and pointed, hearing him take a big relieved breath as they watched a red haired elf push an angry looking but unharmed Kili towards the Company.

There was only time for Fili to gather her and Kili into a brief, tight hug before they were all separated and the elves started searching them and removing their weapons.

Vanessa stood quietly as one of the female elves patted her down, she didn’t feel good. Tapping her captor on the shoulder she managed a “Sorry I think I’m-” The elf jumped back, disgusted, and said something Vanessa didn’t catch as she threw up again. Her stomach cramped painfully.

“Ness?”

Kili was beside her, one arm around her waist as her legs buckled. His other pushing off the elf attempting to hold him back. “Give me a moment," he said. "Can we have some water?”

“Did a spider sting you?”

Vanessa heard the elven voice but it sounded fuzzy and far away and she couldn’t quite figure out how to answer. She wondered vaguely why she was on her knees, why she couldn’t see properly and felt she might be sick again.

* * *

“I think she has been stung or bitten.”

The elf had released Kili at last. On his knees beside Ness he looked up in time to see the elf turn with a bow to their leader. 

“I’ll give her some of my antivenom, my prince.”

“What about the rest of you?” The prince asked the group in a haughty tone. "It’s a long march to my father's halls and we won’t carry you. Speak up now if you need treatment.”

Bofur raised his hand. “I’m feeling pretty awful.”

There were some reluctant mumbles of agreement from a few of the others, followed by requests for water and food.

The prince sighed, “Fine." 

Kili listened as he spoke to the redheaded elf captain.

"Take a break and set a watch on our perimeter. Give them water and treat those that need it. Quickly. Then we move.”

"Give her this." The elf standing over him handed Kili a vial. "About half, certainly no more than that. Then, if she keeps it down, a little water." He dropped a waterskin to the ground beside Kili. "Are you injured?"

Kili shook his head, ignoring the burning sensation in his side where the spider had stung him. He turned his attention back to Ness and helped her sit up. She leaned heavily against him, her head lolling. “The elves have something to make you feel better," he said to her as he unstoppered the vial and sniffed it, glancing up at the elf suspiciously. 

The elf rolled his eyes and smiled at him. "If we were going to kill you, dwarf, we wouldn't use poison. Your friends have already taken it." He pointed at Bofur, sitting on the ground with his head on his knees. 

That proves nothing, Kili thought as he sniffed the vial again. Catching Oin's eye he glanced at the elf to make sure he was looking away before signing a quick question.

Satisfied with Oin's response, he raised Ness's head gently. "Drink for me."

He placed the half empty vial carefully on the ground and held her close as she retched and swore. It must have tasted vile. Smiling despite his concern he stroked her hair and murmured soothing nonsense, noting some new words to ask her the meaning of later when she was feeling a little better. 

Once it looked like she was keeping the elf potion down, he picked up the waterskin, pulling the stopper out with his teeth and spitting it away. Ignoring the irritated noises from the elf behind him. Sniffing the supposed water carefully he took a small sip and waited a moment, licking the moisture from his dry lips. It seemed safe enough. 

He held the skin to her lips as she grumbled and tried to push him away. "It's water. Drink. Small sips.” He watched her carefully as she drank, a hand on her back to steady her.

“That's probably enough for now. She’ll start feeling better soon.” The elf smiled down at Kili, “Don’t worry.” He took a few steps back, giving them a modicum of privacy.

Kili nodded his thanks and took a long drink, the relief of water in his parched throat and empty stomach almost making him feel truly grateful to the elf. Almost. He drained the skin and tossed it aside. 

“You are so brave, my Ness." He leaned forward and allowed himself to brush her clammy cheek with his lips, keeping an eye on the annoyed elf as it strode away to gather up the waterskin. Watching the elf as he stopped to speak with the red headed elfmaid Kili kept his voice pitched low. “They’re going to separate us, I think. But it’ll come right, you'll see. You just need to keep being brave.” He wiped the cold sweat from her face, tucking her hair behind her ears and hoped she could hear him. “I love you, my Ness.”

“I love you, my Kili.” She managed to whisper before she groaned and leant forward across his knees to be sick again.


	26. A favour for a favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Elvenking's halls.

Vanessa awoke in a panic from dark dreams. She sat up hurriedly, kicking at the restrictive covers, the world swooping dizzyingly around her.

“Wait, wait.”

She felt someone take a firm hold of her shoulders.

“Careful now. Lie still for a moment first.”

Gentle pressure pushed her back on to the bed, an elf she didn’t recognise smiled down at her.

She lay quietly until her head stopped spinning quite so badly. “Thank you. Where am I?” she asked the elf as she politely smiled and felt around surreptitiously under the blankets, “and can I just ask? Where are the rest of my clothes? Can I have them back please?”

“Yes of course. We had to check you for injuries.” The elf retrieved her clothes and set them on the bed. “As to your other question, you are in the halls of King Thranduil and he has asked to see you as soon as you were awake. The guards will take you to him now.”

She waited for him to turn his back and they stared at each other.

“The king says you are not to be left alone," he explained.

“Right, fine. Fine.” She pulled her clothes underneath the covers. “Then this might take a while.”

* * *

“Lass!”

Vanessa smiled widely with relief as the Company shouted greetings to her, her elven guard prodding her along the narrow walkways. Ahead of her the red haired elf from the forest was standing by one of the cells. Kili's, she realised, as she drew closer. He was talking to the elf urgently as they approached. Vanessa watched as she shook her head at him.

“Ness." He reached through the bars as she was marched past, the elf pushing him back into his cell gently, her hand spread across his chest.

A cell door further along the walkway was opened and Vanessa pushed in gently. Her guard grasped her shoulders and turned her to face him, removing the binding from her wrists before he stepped out and locked the cell door firmly behind him.

“I’m not sure tying her hands was necessary, elf,” growled Dwalin from the cell next door. “She's only a wee lass.” The guard ignored him and left without a word.

Vanessa placed her hands on the bars and took a deep breath, giving the bars a little shake, just because that’s what's expected in these circumstances. No movement. Pressing her face tight to the bars she looked sideways across at the red haired elf who was handing something back to Kili with a secret smile. His little runestone, she realised with a jolt.

“Here. You," she called across. The elf turned to her slowly and raised an eyebrow. Vanessa coughed and lowered her voice. “I mean, excuse me, miss, I’m very sorry to interrupt. Can I ask a question?”

The elf glided closer. “Yes.”

“My name’s Vanessa.”

“Ness. Yes, I know. I know all about you.” The elf looked back at Kili's cell and turned back to Vanessa with what looked like a genuine, open smile on her face. “You are the famous Traveller. We have talked of little else but you these past two days.”

That name is not for you, Vanessa thought as she leant back into the darkness of her cell. She forced herself to smooth the nasty little stab of anger from her face and voice as the elf's words settled in, pressed her face back against the bars. “Sorry. You said two days?”

“Yes. Two days. You’ve been having quite the rest, our king was getting impatient to meet you.”

The elf smiled again, she was very pretty. Vanessa bared her teeth as she attempted a smile back. “I’m afraid I may have disappointed him a bit.” She moderated her voice, friendlier, tried another smile. “Sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“My name is Tauriel, I am a Captain of the Guard.” Tauriel stepped close to Vanessa's cell, forcing her to look up. Vanessa wondered briefly if it was deliberate. 

“Oh yes, of course you are.” Vanessa smiled up at her, her jaw aching with the effort. A captain of the guard, she thought to herself, of course you would have to be a captain.

“Tauriel, would you know how long the king intends to keep us here?” She dropped her voice to a whisper. “He said something about a hundred years? And I didn’t like to ask him to repeat himself. Like I said, he was a bit disappointed with me.”

Tauriel smiled. “The king will keep you here until such times as he decides to let you go.”

“Oh.”

“So I suggest." Tauriel leaned close to the bars, and whispered conspiratorially, “I suggest that you try and think of something that will make him a little less disappointed in you.”

And with that and a final glance back at the other cells, Kili’s cell specifically Vanessa felt, she left. Vanessa ground her teeth a little and looked back into her cell. It was small and shadowy.

How long do I have before something crawls out of those shadows looking for me, she thought frantically. Over two days in one place already. That's not good.

“You all right in there, lass?”

“I'm telling you now that I don’t do well in prison, Dwalin. And I really can’t do a hundred year stretch.”

She heard him chuckle.

Thorin called something from the cells below in Khuzdul, Dwalin replied and then spoke to her in Common. “Thorin is asking what happened with the king. Speak quietly and with care and I will translate for you.”

Vanessa sat down on the cell floor and wrapped her arms around the bars. “Well, I woke up and they tied my hands and took me to see him. He was lounging on this huge carved throne watching me and then the guards made me kneel. And then he got down and came towards me...how much detail does he want, Dwalin?”

“He says keep going.”

“Well, he came towards me and he had Fili's knife in his hands and he looked really angry. But then I wasn’t sure because of the scars you know.”

She heard Thorin say something from below.

“Thorin is asking whose scars?”

“The king’s, of course. So he asked me if I was some sort of assassin and I assured him that no I definitely wasn't an assassin. And he said that was strange as I’d had a hidden blade and he then put Fili’s knife to my throat. Which was a bit scary.”

She heard what she recognised now as swearing from the various cells. Does it count as learning a secret dwarven language if you only recognise the swear words, she wondered as an apology floated across from Fili's cell.

“I’m fine. He just didn’t give me any warning, you know, and he’s very, very fast. I didn’t even see him move. Anyway, I apologised and explained that I'd got sick because of the spiders and promised that I would have handed it over and that nobody else knew that I even had it. And that seemed to settle him a bit.”

“Really?” asked Dwalin.

“I grovelled. A lot. I honestly thought he was going to kill me right there. I’m not sure if he maybe just got tired listening to me but he walked away and then turned with a big flourish and asked me what I was. So I told him that I didn’t really know.”

She heard a sigh from Thorin's direction. “Yes, I know. He liked that answer about as much as you do. So I told him about not being from this world and I think he might have been interested, but it was hard to tell. He asked how exactly I knew I wasn’t from Middle-earth so I told him about Fili and Kili rescuing me and how I met you all.”

“Did you tell him who they were?” Thorin asked, dropping back into Common.

“No, but I had to give him names. I tried not to.”

“He knows who they are?”

“I didn’t tell him, I just gave first names obviously and I really did try not to give any at all but he wasn't having that. I should have given different names, I know that now." Vanessa banged her head against the bars softly, feeling very stupid. "But I told him the truth and he laughed and it seemed to really cheer him up. So I’m pretty sure he knows."

"I’m so sorry, Thorin,” she called out softly as she heard him cursing.

“What next?” Dwalin prompted her.

“Well, I had to tell him about how I met you all in the Shire and I said that you had taken me with you when you left and looked after me.”

“What did you tell him of our purpose?” Thorin demanded.

“That you were going to the Iron Hills, to visit relatives.” Vanessa lowered her voice again. “I don’t think he believed me, he asked why you didn’t you leave me with the hobbit and a lot of questions about the Shire. I said that you’d thought maybe your good friend Lord Elrond in Rivendell could help me.” 

A snort from Thorin below.

“I thought if he knew you’d visited Rivendell that might help. I thought they might be friends. So I told him about Elrond healing me but not being able to shed any light on why I was here. I told him that I'd met the Lady Galadriel too. I didn’t mention Gandalf, I’m not sure why. But anyway I namedropped shamelessly and then I asked him if he could perhaps help me, since he was a very wise elven king?”

“And?”

“Well, he laughed in my face, Dwalin. And then he said that perhaps he could help if I would tell him the truth. A favour for a favour, he said.” She sighed as she remembered. “It all went a bit downhill after that really. I kept telling him that I really didn’t know anything about any mountain or dragon or jewels made from starlight and he got really quiet and pissed off and told me I could stay here and rot and I told him that I couldn't because I need to keep moving or the shadows will come back for me and he told me I'd better not even think about attempting any witchcraft in his cells or he would come and slit my throat personally."

Taking a deep breath she shuddered at the memory. "It all got a bit heated after that, and then they brought me down here. And here I am.”

She fell silent and sighed sadly as Dwalin and Thorin spoke quietly in Khuzdul. Once they'd stopped she whispered, “Dwalin, where’s Bilbo?”

He shushed her, “We don’t know, be silent. You’ve done well.”


	27. Whose stupid idea was this?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo to the rescue.

They listened to the sounds of merriment drifting down from above.

“What’s going on up there anyway?” Vanessa asked.

“It’s the Feast of Starlight, Mereth something or other, I can’t quite remember the elvish for it," Kili said helpfully from his cell.

“Oh.”

“The captain, Tauriel, was telling me about it when they brought you in.”

“Oh. Right. Well, that’s nice. She seems friendly.” Vanessa looked at the wall to her right, sure she heard a quiet snicker from Dwalin’s cell. “Pretty too.”

“Was she? I hadn’t noticed.” Kili's voice was all innocence. “Are you feeling all right, Ness? I can’t see your face. You sound a bit odd.”

“I think I’m just hungry.” Vanessa unclenched her jaw and rolled her shoulders. Stop it, she told herself sternly. “Will they feed us soon do you think? What time is it?”

“Well, I’ll wager the sun is on the rise,” Bofur called from his cell. “Must be nearly dawn.”

Ori sighed loudly, “We're never going to reach the mountain in time, are we?”

A rattle of keys made them all fall silent.

Expecting guards Vanessa was surprised to hear the dwarves below start cheering quietly. She strained to hear, confused to hear what sounded like a cry of “Bilbo!” from Balin. Then Bilbo was running quickly up the stairs and unlocking the cells on their level, shushing them frantically as they greeted him. 

“Hello, Ness.” Bilbo grinned in at her as he wiggled the key in the lock, releasing her with a heavy clunk. “Thank goodness. I wasn’t sure how I would've got you out if they hadn't moved you.”

She wriggled out of the cell and whispered her thanks to Bilbo as Kili grabbed her into a quick hug, kissing her forehead and taking her hand to pull her up the stairs.

“Not that way,” hissed Bilbo, pointing down the stairs as he locked the cell door again and winked at her. “That'll give them something to think about. Here, follow me.”

They raced down the stairs with the others.

“I don’t believe it," hissed Kili, turning. “We're in the cellars!”

Bilbo hustled them further in and pointed to a stack of empty barrels. “Everyone, climb into the barrels. Quickly.”

Vanessa looked at the barrels and thought hard about the locked cell door.

We need to get out of here, she thought, letting go of Kili's hand as the dwarves argued about Bilbo’s plan. She dropped to her knees and crawled backward into a barrel, whimpering quietly. We need to get out of here before someone tells the King that the dwarves escaped through locked doors.

She tugged at Kili’s leg as Thorin shouted at them all to get into the barrels. "Quick, Kili. Come on.”

“Hello there." Kili leaned down and looked into her barrel. "Look at you. All tucked in already.” He crawled into the barrel next to hers as Fili climbed into the one above. 

Vanessa listened to the grumbling and the creaking of the barrels as the Company got settled. 

No sooner had the movement stopped than with a “Hold your breath!” from Bilbo and a loud clunk from somewhere nearby the barrels knocked hard against each other and slowly starting to roll. She wrapped her arms around her head and tried to brace herself with her legs as the barrel rolled completely around twice before she felt the floor drop away under them. Cold water rushed over her and she screamed before her barrel righted itself like a cork and Kili threw his arm over the rim.

“Got you.”

They grinned at each other through wet hair as he held them steady against the wet rock wall of underground river. The other barrels packed around them.

Bilbo splashed down into the river between the waiting barrels and surfaced gasping at the cold. Vanessa held out an arm to him. “Bilbo, come here. There’s plenty of space in mine.”

Kili helped Bilbo clamber in as the barrels began to drift downstream. They caught the current and picked up speed quickly, the barrels knocking together and spinning. It quickly became apparent that it was too dangerous for Kili to hold onto them and after she and Bilbo shouted at him for a while he let go with a scowl and a mutinous mutter.

Vanessa lost sight of him as she clung to the rim of the fast moving barrel beside Bilbo, the two of them rattling around and doing their best not to knock each other into the pool of icy water at their feet. 

"We're going to be covered in bruises!" Bilbo yelled at her over the roar of the water. 

A wave splashed over the barrel and they both squealed at the cold. "It's freezing!" she yelled back, grinning at him. "Whose stupid idea was this?"

They stopped laughing as Balin shouted a warning. Turning to watch as the barrels ahead of them dropped away, accompanied by yells.

The river dropped away underneath them. Hitting the water again rattled the teeth in her head and Bilbo groaned unhappily beside her. Vanessa jumped and looked back upriver as the sound of a horn blowing echoed off the river's grey walls behind them.

Bilbo was looking ahead. He grabbed her arm and shook her as he pointed and shouted, “The gate. They’re closing the gate!”

Vanessa whipped her head around to look and watched confused as one of the elves guarding the gate collapsed forward into the water. Over the noise of the river she heard Bilbo’s intake of breath and a whispered, “No.”.She turned to him questioningly, watching the colour drain from his face.

"Orcs.”

“What?” To her horror as the current pulled them inexorably downriver orcs began pouring over the gate and fanning out along both river banks. Their barrel bashed hard into the others, coming to a abrupt stop at the closed gate and Vanessa screamed as an orc leapt amongst them. She ducked down into the barrel alongside Bilbo, both of them covering their heads as the shouting and fighting started. And then she saw him and her blood ran cold.

The orc from her nightmares, the one from the mirror, standing on the bank opposite.

He looked like he was directing the others and she felt herself freeze as he turned in their direction, a twisted mockery of a smile spreading across his scarred face.

“Kili. Catch.”

She turned and her eyes fell on an empty barrel rocking in the water. Fili in the barrel beside throwing a sword. She followed its path to watch Kili fight his way up the stone steps of the bridge, his back to the great orc.

Vanessa turned back to face the orc chieftain and grabbed at Bilbo's sleeve. “Oh no. No, no, no. I need Gandalf. This isn’t the place. I don’t recognise here. This isn’t the place.” She whimpered as the orc leisurely unslung his huge black bow, pulling a long arrow from the quiver on his back. Then she was moving, no plan past stopping him somehow as she splashed face first out of the barrel, shaking off Bilbo angrily as he grabbed at her clothes, and swimming.

Hauling herself hand over fist up the bank Vanessa lifted a heavy stone. As she rose to her feet she hurled it as hard as she could at the big orc.

He loosed the arrow. She heard an anguished cry from behind her and screamed in fury, reaching quickly toward her feet for another stone. As her fingers closed around it her knees slammed painfully into the rock. She gasped as a rough hand twisted into her hair, claws raking her skin as it forced her head back, her throat exposed. Vanessa couldn't see what was digging into her neck but it felt sharp and it hurt. She watched the big orc roar in her direction whilst he nocked another arrow.

The blood pounding in her ears drowned out all other sounds and the world seemed to slow as she stared at the orc, feeling oddly detached as he drew the bow back slowly.

So this is death, she thought sadly, I won’t get to find out how it all ends.

The grip on her hair loosened and something heavy hit her back as her captor collapsed on top of her, knocking her to the ground. A knife still clutched in it's fingers slicing a gash first in her tunic then drawing a red line along her forearm as it spasmed violently in it's death throes, an elven arrow in its head.

In a rush of noise the world raced back. Vanessa touched the cut on her arm as she lay on her side, pinned by his weight, stared at her blood on her fingers. A glance upriver and Vanessa watched as Tauriel stood tall on one of the river boulders, firing another arrow, this time in the direction of the gate.

Kili, she thought with a jolt and looked up directly into the eyes of the big orc.

Adrenaline rushed through her veins. Kicking and scrabbling backwards she pulled herself free from the dead orc and with a scream to Tauriel of “Get the big one!” she threw herself headfirst into the river and swam for her life. An arrow whipped through the water beside her and she forced herself further towards the bottom striking out hard underwater for the gate, lungs bursting in panic.

“I’ve got you." Nori grabbed a hold of her as she surfaced, gasping for air. “Hold on tight now.”

She slung an arm over the rim as the barrel moved through the gate, Nori pushing the other barrels away from her as best he could. Behind her she heard Fili calling for Kili. “No no, we need to go back,” she pleaded with Nori as she looked back towards the gate. A shadow falling from the gate. "No. Kili."


	28. I saw what you did

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Escape from Mirkwood.

“Kili!” Vanessa screamed upriver.

She thought she could see Fili holding on to another barrel and hoped that she saw Kili’s dark head but the water was too rough and the barrel kept turning and Nori kept shaking her.

“Ness! Will you pay attention. Orcs!”

Nori pulled her tighter to the barrel, his hand fisted in her tunic as they rushed down the river, elves and orcs racing along both banks, keeping pace with them. With a scream an orc fell from an overhanging tree ahead, splashing frantically into them and grabbing the back of their barrel as it spun and rocked violently. Nori punched the creature one handed and she kicked it as hard as she could under the water as it screeched at them.

It’s just hanging on, Vanessa thought in a moment of clarity as they were suddenly eye to eye. She stopped mid kick in sudden sympathy. It's just scared too.

With a screech it lunged at her and she was forced underwater as it gripped her neck.

Letting go of the barrel she pried uselessly at the orcs tight fingers with one hand, pushing at it with the other and kicking as hard as she could. The barrel rocked beside her as the orc and Nori fought. She felt herself pushed down further into the water as the orc used her to boost itself up. The grip tightened on her throat. 

The edges of her vision were beginning to darken as her scrabbling fingers brushed against a knife at the orc's waist, a knife that she yanked free and buried to the hilt in it's side, sliding by luck between it's armour. The fingers loosened on her neck as the orc jerked and she ripped the knife back and pushed it up two-handed into the orc's throat. Warm, dark blood rushed over her hands and face as she surfaced, gasping for air beside the dying orc before the river pulled it away.

“Ness, Ness.” Nori pulled her back to the barrel, his hand tight in her tunic. “Can you hear me?”

She nodded, spitting into the river, watching the body spin in the current toward the bank. I can taste it's blood, she thought, I killed it. I’m going to be sick.

“Give me that.” Nori plucked the knife from her numb fingers, tucking it into his belt. “There's a good lass. Hold on. And don’t throw up in my barrel.”

The river picked up speed and they gradually left both orcs and elves behind. Nori tried to drag her into the barrel but nearly upended them both so she clung onto the side, teeth chattering as he held on to her. As the current slowed the barrels began to bunch up again and her heart leapt to see Kili alive. He looked in pain but managed a relieved smile across at her when he saw her with Nori.

“Why are you still in the water?” Fili called to her, one hand holding on to the rim of Kili’s barrel.

“Oh I just fancied a bit of a swim, you know how it is.” She smiled at him as their barrel turned lazily.

Fili glowered back at her.

“We've lost the current. Make for the shore,” shouted Thorin. “Quickly. Come on, let’s go.”

They paddled in slowly, tired. Vanessa let go of Nori and half swam, half waded in, turning to help drag soggy dwarves and a very angry Bilbo from barrels.

“I thought you were dead.” Bilbo hissed at her as she helped him to his feet.

“Me too.” Vanessa felt an iron grip on her arm and turned to look into Thorin's eyes.

“I saw what you did.” He stared at her for a long moment, then released her reasonably gently and walked over to the others, helping to trail Balin out of a barrel. “On your feet," he called to them. 

Bilbo patted her arm in sympathy and she looked around for Kili, stumbling to a run when she heard Fili raising his voice to respond to Thorin.

“Kili's wounded, his leg needs binding.”

“There’s an orc pack, on our tail. We keep moving.” Thorin pulled Balin to his feet and patted the older dwarf's shoulder.

Vanessa clambered over the rocks to where Bofur stood beside the brothers.

“I’m fine.” Kili pushed Fili away, glaring at Bofur. “It’s nothing.”

She knelt beside Fili as he batted Kili’s hands away and took a firm hold of Kili's leg. Kili looked at her. “It’s nothing. Honestly.”

“Bind his leg, quickly. You have two minutes.” Thorin spoke from behind them, Vanessa heard his boots moving away on the rock as Fili quickly ripped bindings from his shirt. She touched Kili’s thigh gently. The wound was jagged and bloody but she couldn’t see anything stuck in it and it wasn’t pouring blood, so that was a good thing she guessed. He leaned against her and hissed quietly as Fili tightly wrapped the wound and tied off the bindings.

“Good as new, brother.”

Kili smiled back and opened his mouth to speak as they heard a commotion from Dwalin's direction. Vanessa was pushed backwards with a twin “Stay down" as Kili and Fili leapt to their feet. She scrambled to hers and ducked down again as an arrow knocked a rock from Kili’s hand.

“Do it again and you’re dead.”

Kili reached a hand slowly behind him and she took it, peering round him cautiously at the newcomer. He stood above them on the rocks, tall and angry looking, an arrow pointed straight at Kili.

Balin stepped forward, hands held high. “Excuse me?”

* * *

The Company gathered themselves up and followed Balin as he and the stranger walked together over the rocks and along a rough path toward a barge where it lay moored against a wooden jetty.

Vanessa and Fili both wrapped an arm around Kili’s waist despite his protests and they made their way slowly at the back of the Company down to the jetty to listen to Balin negotiate passage for them. Settling Kili down on a wooden post Vanessa stood beside him and watched Balin speak to the archer. Kili’s fingers stroked hers, his nails scratching off the orc blood that the river hadn’t removed.

“What is he, Fili?”

“The boatman? Human, a man. Same as you I expect. Just a lot taller.”

“Oh.” She looked at the boatman wonderingly.

“Never mind him,” said Fili, “let’s talk about you.” He took a firm hold of her arm and pulled her toward him.

“Me?” Vanessa turned to face him properly and her smile faded as he glared at her.

“What’s wrong?” Kili lifted his head from examining her fingers to look between her and Fili, concerned.

“I wasn’t sure how much you’d seen.” Fili looked down at Kili before turning his gaze back to her. She tried to take a step back but he pulled her closer. "You were on the steps at the bridge and I threw you a sword and then heard Bilbo shouting. I looked around thinking he was in trouble to see this one.” He jabbed a finger hard into Vanessa's chest.

"Stop that."

"You. Ness. I saw you climb out of the river and throw a rock at the orc leader.”

“Did I hit him, did you see?”

“Don't try and distract me, yes you hit him. You hit him in the head as he took his shot.”

“What?” Kili looked at her in disbelief.

“I know. I heard you cry out as the arrow struck you and I saw her forced to her knees with an orc blade at her throat and I couldn't help either of you. I couldn't get to either of you.” As he glared between them his eyes filled with water, he blinked furiously.

She reached for his arm. “Fili.”

“Don’t." He shook her off, releasing her and taking a step back. "Don't touch me. I didn't know if Kili was alive or dead. I thought I was going to watch you die in front of me. When you fell I thought-"

Kili pushed himself up to his feet and between the two of them they pulled Fili to them. Vanessa hugged him as hard as she could.

“You can’t ever do that to me again," he whispered to them raggedly, “never again. Either of you.”


	29. I think you saved me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arrival in Lake-town.

The barge moved slowly and smoothly through the mist. Vanessa shuffled on the rough wooden deck and tried to get comfortable. She felt stiff and sore, like her bruises had bruises.

Kili stared down the barge, his hand wrapped in hers on her lap, fingers gently stroking her leg. “So you saved my life?” he whispered, turning his head to face her.

Vanessa shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe I just got you shot when I hit him. Maybe he would have missed.” She smiled at him.

“I think not.” Kili lifted his hand to touch her face and kissed her gently. “I think you saved me.” His fingers slid to her neck, cupping her jaw as he kissed her again, harder this time, insistent, drawing her to him. Vanessa curved her body to meet his in response.

“Kili!” Balin hissed from the huddle of dwarves opposite. “Kili. Put the lass down and empty your pockets. Quick, lad, all your coin. You too, Fili.”

Kili released her with a final kiss and a rueful grin to search his pockets as Vanessa felt her face burn. Keeping her eyes firmly on the deck she heard Bofur snickering.

Fili turned from watching the dark water and joined them, adding his coin to Kili’s and passing the small handful to Balin. Nodding his thanks Balin recounted the pile, made a little dissatisfied noise.

"We're ten coins short.”

“Gloin, come on."

Vanessa jumped at Thorin's voice close by.

“Give us what you have.”

As Gloin protested, Fili tapped Kili’s head and then hers, reaching down to take her hand and lift her to her feet. Kili levered himself up on the barge rail beside them.

“Bless my beard," Gloin whispered behind them. “Take it, take all of it.”

They heard the rattle of coin behind them. Vanessa stared open mouthed at the sharp profile of the mountain rising through the mist and her blood ran cold. She looked up at Fili and Kili as they stared silently at their homeland.

* * *

“Fili, Fili." She grabbed at his arm as he lifted her into a barrel. “The big orc, did Tauriel kill him?”

“Not the time, get in.”

“No, I need to know.”

“I don’t know, I don’t think so but maybe.” He pushed her in. “Get down and stay quiet.”

Looking at her stricken face he rolled his eyes and smiled. “Don’t worry, if we see him again we'll kill him before he gets anywhere near you.” He kissed her quickly on the forehead and shoved her down into the barrel with a final “Quiet” before leaving to help Kili.

Vanessa sat in the bottom of her barrel and chewed on a, filthy she suddenly realised, fingernail whilst they waited on Bard the bargeman talking his way past the port guards.

Perhaps, she thought, perhaps she'd changed enough things somehow that the orcs had caught them up in the forest rather than later. Maybe they were safe now. But her heart told her no, if the big orc was dead that would be a good start. The mirror’s vision of arrows striking her Kili as he stood bravely over a fallen Thorin played in her head and she felt the familiar, tight ache in her chest and painful lump in her throat. She shook her head to clear it, she needed to talk to Gandalf.

A scraping noise outside her barrel made her look up. She tried to muffle a yelp of horrified surprise as fish poured down around her, their slimy, cold dead bodies packing her in tight while she tried to cover her head with her hands. She yanked her shirt up over her mouth and nose. Definitely going to be sick, she thought miserably. Any moment now.

It felt like an age before the barge rocked and moved slowly on. Then it stopped again and she heard footsteps nearby and unfamiliar voices. Her barrel moved sharply side to side and she felt it being walked. Pushing her hands through the fish she flattened her palms against the sides as it started to tip. A sharp command and the barrel rocked back again fully on to the deck. Vanessa breathed an accidental sigh of relief, a nice big fishy breath which left her fighting nausea again as the barge thankfully started to move.

Dwalin tipped her out of her barrel after the barge stopped again. “Oh, it’s you.” He gave her a hand up from the deck. “Me and you need to have words later.” He shook a thick finger at her and shoved her towards Kili standing on a floating jetty beside the barge.

He looked as pale and tired as she felt, she thought. She took his hand and smiled up at him.

As the rest of the Company were decanted quickly on to the deck of the barge Vanessa looked around at their new surroundings. They stood outside a open fronted, low wooden building where Bard was talking rapidly in a low voice to a smaller, suspicious looking man. Fili joined her and Kili, grumbling quietly to himself and blocking her view. She peered around him, watching the coin change hands. Another man strode quickly away from the building along the wooden walkway, Vanessa watched him as he passed between tall wooden houses before turning a corner and disappearing from view.

She turned to look back at the barge, men now sweeping the fish back into barrels. Other boats drifted past, their occupants looking over at the newcomers curiously. She followed one of the boats with her eyes as it drifted slowly away. It looked like the whole town was suspended above the water on stilts. She could see bridges and walkways and plenty of boats but no dry land.

And it all smells fishy, she thought, sniffing and scrubbing at her nose with her sleeve. Although that could just be us.

“Come on. Quickly now.” Bard beckoned them down a gap between two houses and they followed him closely down the narrow, slippery wooden walkway, stepping over coils of rope and between boxes.

Vanessa lost track of the twists and turns well before Kili stopped suddenly in front of her. A whisper came down the line that Bard’s house was being watched and they needed to swim. She peered around Kili’s shoulder and could see Thorin nodding as Bard pointed out a route. Bard moved on ahead with a young boy and Thorin slipped silently into the water between two houses.

One by one they followed him. Kili sat on the boards and slid into the water ahead of her, letting out a low hiss which told her how cold it was going to be. She climbed down onto the wet wood and lowered herself in slowly as he treaded water waiting for her. The water was very, very cold, she could see patches of ice in the shadows under the houses.

“Oh. It’s cold,” Vanessa whispered as she paddled out to him, sharing a smile at the muffled curses from Fili as he slid into the water behind them. 

They quietly swam in single file, ducking underwater to swim under some of the smaller houses. Vanessa had lost feeling in her fingers and toes well before Thorin raised his hand to call a halt and the plan was whispered down the line.

“Surely there’s another way?” she whispered back to Kili..“There has to be.”

“Just think about being warm and dry. Go on. Tell Fili.”

Fili was not happy with the plan either. He hung his head briefly, sighed heavily and turned to pass the message to Oin behind him.


	30. He’s a dwarf and you’re something else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bard's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thirty chapters! Celebrating with a fluffy one.

Bard's children stared at them wide eyed as they crowded up the narrow stair and into the small, mercifully warm living area. They’d tried to squeeze the water out of clothes and hair downstairs as best they could but Vanessa was very aware that she was dripping a puddle of mucky water onto a well swept, recently clean floor.

While Bard and his son Bain searched for enough dry clothes for the Company his girls pulled Vanessa into their little bedroom area. The eldest drew the curtains tightly closed around them.

“Why are you with all those boys?” asked Tilda, the smaller of the two, wide eyed, after they'd introduced themselves.

Vanessa stripped quickly out of her wet things and wrapped the offered sheet around herself. “Do you know, sometimes I’m not so sure myself."

“Is one of them your man then?” Sigrid asked, pulling a box out from under the bed and starting to sift through the fabric inside.

Vanessa felt herself colouring slightly as Tilda pointed at her saying loudly. “Sigrid. Look! She’s going red, one of them is.”

Sigrid stopped rummaging and looked up. “Which one then? Go on, tell us.”

“Tell us!” Tilda bounced on the bed and clapped happily.

“Fine, all right, stop it.”

Vanessa tugged the sheet tighter and shushed them frantically, wondering exactly when it was that she'd started blushing at everything. This world is doing things to me she thought, I’m if not crying then I’m blushing. Or both. Probably sleep deprivation. And stress. And not getting three meals a day. She tried to remember when she'd last eaten. Bard had split his bread with them on the barge but it hadn't been much, even with Fili and Kili insisting they weren't hungry and forcing her to take their share. 

The cells, she thought. That had been the last decent meal. I'm actually starving.

“Let’s guess !” Tilda distracted her, squealing excitedly as she jumped off the bed, trying to pull the curtain back. Vanessa leapt towards it and wrestled it from her, clutching it closed.

“Tilda! Let her get dressed first.” Sigrid held out a shift and Vanessa shuffled across the small room and gratefully pulled it over her head, pointing a finger at Tilda to get back on the bed. The little girl giggled as she peeped through the curtains and pulled them closed again with an “Oops” before falling back on the bed, laughing happily to herself.

Sigrid shook her head. “She’s a little imp, she really is. Here, try this one.” She helped Vanessa pull a dress over her head. “Oh no, that ones no good. You’ll not be able to breathe in that.” They started giggling helplessly as Vanessa tried to wriggle back out of it.

The next one was a better fit and Sigrid tied the laces at the back tightly. “There we are. That looks nice. He’ll be pleased with that.”

“What?” Vanessa looked down. “Oh. Perhaps I don’t need to be quite as tightly laced up. This is a bit...you know...” She gestured at her chest. “Just a bit.”

“Nonsense. You can put a wrap over it like this.” Sigrid quickly tucked a wrap around her. "Then you just let him have a little look.” She laughed at Vanessa's face. “Now. Let me brush your hair and we'll ask you about your man and you answer the questions and then we'll guess which one it is.”

“Sigrid, I want to ask the questions.”

“We'll both ask questions.” Sigrid rolled her eyes at Vanessa and pushed her down to sit on the bed, clambering behind her with a hairbrush. “When’s the last time you brushed your hair!” she exclaimed in horror. “Tilda give me a comb.”

“My question first." Tilda pointed at Vanessa. "Have you kissed him?"

“Tilda,” Sigrid chided. "That can’t be your first question, silly. How are you going to know which one he is from that?”

The little girl pouted and returned to the curtain, peering out through a gap.

It didn’t take them long to identify Kili with a flurry of questions about age, height, hair colour, beard and braids or lack of.

“Well. That was fun,” smiled Tilda.

“He looks tired,” Sigrid said, looking back at Vanessa from her spot at the curtain, “but he is handsome. Is he kind?”

Vanessa smiled, running a hand through slightly smelly but at least untangled hair. “Yes. He’s kind. He and his brother rescued me when I was lost in the woods.”

Tilda sat down beside her and sighed happily. “It’s like a grand story. And has he kissed you?”

Sigrid nodded to Vanessa. “Go on, you have to tell us. She'll just keep asking you otherwise. Although I think I can guess the answer by your pink cheeks,” she added, laughing.

“Oh, for goodness sake. Fine, fine. Yes, yes he has.” Vanessa laughed and shushed uselessly as the girls squealed and clapped happily. “Stop that. You're both very nosy. And noisy. They'll be wondering what we’re doing back here.”

“Off you go then.” Sigrid gave her a push “Let’s see you.”

* * *

Vanessa grinned happily at Kili as she walked over towards his seat on the little bench by the fire.

“Look at you," he said with a smile, “all dressed up.”

She swished her too long skirts and looked back over her shoulder at the two giggling girls. Kili moved over slightly to make space and pulled her down beside him, his eyes flickering down over her as he slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her close.

“You look lovely,” he whispered, laughing quietly at her sharp intake of breath as he nipped at her earlobe with his teeth. “I feel like I need to do that again.”

“Not unless you want me to climb on top of you right here," Vanessa whispered back, making sure her lips brushed his ear in return and smiling as his hand tightened on her waist.

He moved back from her, smiling broadly, before his eyes dropped to her neck. “Ness, what happened?” He tilted her head gently and touched his fingers to her neck, measuring.

“Oh.” She touched her throat, remembering. “That’ll be the orc from the river.” She felt a bit ill again as she told him about killing the orc. He pressed his forehead to hers and took her hand as she talked.

“My poor brave Ness, I’m sorry.”

“Kili.”

They looked around. Thorin stood with Fili and Balin, he gestured. “Come here.”

Kili squeezed her fingers and kissed her forehead, pushing himself to standing and moving a little stiffly to join them. Turning away Vanessa stared into the flames so Thorin would know she wasn't eavesdropping. She was just stretching out her legs on the hearth to warm them when a strong little hand took her arm.

Tilda tugged at her. “My sister needs to ask you something. Now. Come on.”

Standing she let Tilda lead her over to where Sigrid was beaming at her excitedly from the little kitchen. As they moved closer Tilda pushed Vanessa hard in the small of the back to hurry her along.

“So,” said Sigrid, tilting her head curiously as they joined her, “I think you may have a little more to tell us?”

“What?” Vanessa looked between the two of them.

“There’s more than just a little kissing going on, I think,” said Tilda sternly, arms crossed. “Are you married?”

“What? No we're not married.” Vanessa hissed quietly. “What age is she anyway?” she whispered to Sigrid.

Sigrid smiled. “She's still a few years off herself, but I’m of age to marry. Mostly. Da is already looking out for a suitable fishy smelling boy for me.” She sighed resignedly.

“But you are going to get married?” Tilda insisted as Vanessa stared between the two young girls.

A different world, she thought, a completely different world. “Well.” Vanessa leaned against the counter so she could keep an eye on the Company and make sure none of them were listening in. The two girls crowded in close, eager to hear. “I don’t know. Maybe. I think his uncle is still hoping I’ll disappear before then.”

“But he’s asked you!” Sigrid gasped.

“Well, yes, it’s a bit complicated.” Vanessa shushed them again as they squealed a little.

“Because he’s a dwarf and you’re something else.” Sigrid whispered, leaning in and beckoning Tilda forward.

“Well." Vanessa nodded. "Yes." That pretty much covers it, she thought.

“But, they’re the best stories!”

Sigrid smiled happily. “Quite right, Tilda. No-one wants to hear about the girl who grows up, marries fish boy, has fish babies. They want to hear about the girl who was rescued from a fate worse than death by her handsome prince."

Vanessa jolted. She was sure she hadn’t said anything about princes. Definitely. 

"Or in your case, dwarf,” continued Sigrid with a smile, “and they face some adversity or other and then live happily ever after.”

Tilda nodded in agreement. “That’s a good story.”

“Is that his brother?” Sigrid nodded at Fili standing by Kili. “He has a kind face, is he married?”

“Who? Fili? Yes. No.”

“Is he kind? Does he smell like fish?”

“Yes he’s kind. And no, at least, not usually.” Vanessa laughed as she looked at him, remembering him grumbling over her shoulder as they'd followed Kili through the streets of Lake-town earlier. She looked at Sigrid's thoughtful face. "And no, absolutely not. His uncle would not be happy. And I’m not sure your da would be best pleased either.”

“Which one's his uncle?” Sigrid looked around the Company as Tilda also turned to look.

“The dark haired one beside Kili.”

Sigrid nodded. “Is that their granda then?”

“Who? What? No, that’s Balin. I don’t think they’re related.” Vanessa stared at Balin thoughtfully.

“I’ll make a pie.” Sigrid nodded to herself. “His uncle will love it, you’ll see. I bet they’re hungry. What does he smell like?”

“What does who smell like? Thorin?” The name was out before Vanessa could stop it. Just carry on, she thought, keep talking. "Oh, you mean Fili. Of course. Fili smells, well he smells nice. Like...” she stopped and had a think as both girls looked at her expectedly.

“Go on.” Sigrid nodded at her, moving closer.

“Well.” Vanessa looked at Fili. “Well. He's always really nice and warm, they both are. It must be a dwarf thing. And he smells like, this will sound weird, but stay with me. He smells like a summery day, all kind of sunshiny and a bit like grass and being outside and oil, and leather. I can't really explain it. Just sort of nice, you know?”

They stared at her.

"You can’t have them both." Tilda crossed her arms again, frowning. “That’s not fair.”

“Yes,” agreed Sigrid, “you can only have one. And he’s kind? He’s good?”

“He is.” Vanessa smiled at them, suddenly feeling a little sad. “He might be the best one out of all of us, I think. But you can take that look off your face, Sigrid. It won’t happen."

Sigrid smiled, and looked over her shoulder toward the group standing by the fire.

To her horror Vanessa saw Thorin glance across and frown slightly towards them. She pulled the girl back to look at her. “It won't, Sigrid. I think what would happen would be that his uncle would murder me first. Then you. And then he'd kind of work out where to go from there.”

Sigrid laughed and waved her off. “It worked out for you and Kili, I saw him looking at you two by the fire.”

“You didn’t happen to see the look on his face?” Vanessa asked, “I’m genuinely curious.”

They shook their heads.

“His back didn’t seem angry," offered Tilda.

“Well, that’s not so bad then. Look, I think he’s just starting to give up on Kili and me. It’s not that he’s happy about it.”

“What do you mean?” asked Sigrid as Tilda shouted, “I knew it.”

Sigrid looked at her sister and then back at Vanessa who was desperately trying to quiet them. Thorin was definitely frowning at them now.

“Oh.” Sigrid glanced down at Vanessa's stomach and smiled knowingly, exchanging a nod with Tilda.

“No,” said Vanessa, “stop that. I can’t be having this conversation with you two.”

“So you’re not?” Tilda demanded.

“Is he gentle with you?” Sigrid asked in a whisper, sneaking a quick look over her shoulder at Kili. “What’s it like? They look fierce.”

“No.” Vanessa put as much indignation in her voice as possible, straightening her spine and lifting her head as they both stared at her.

Tilda folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

"Well, no. I don’t know. Maybe. Tilda, you’re a bit frightening. And Sigrid, we are not having this conversation.”

“Your secret is safe with us." Sigrid linked an arm through Vanessa's and turned to lean against the counter beside her. "And you can sleep in our bed tonight and tell me everything. Sure, we'll be sisters soon.”

Vanessa laughed. “Do you know, I’m almost tempted so tell you to go for it. But I’m being serious, it wouldn’t go well. A boy who smells a bit fishy isn’t so bad.”

Sigrid opened her mouth to answer as Bard banged back into the room carrying a large wet bag and trailing a stream of water behind him. Tilda tutted in annoyance.


	31. A pair of weasels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A first attempt to leave Lake-town.

Bard dumped the bag onto the table, pulling it open and tipping a pile of weapons out with a loud clatter of metal. He threw the wet bag on the floor as Thorin picked up one of the weapons and turned it over in his hands.

“What," Thorin asked with disdain, "is this?”

Vanessa moved closer as the Company crowded around the table. Dwalin shifted aside to let her through. “There’s nothing here for you, lass, too heavy. We'll see if we can find you something in the bargeman's cutlery drawer.”

She grinned up at him and Dwalin frowned, grasping her chin and pushing her head to the side, tilting it back.

"Oh, I’m fine,” Vanessa muttered around his fingers. “Don’t fuss.”

Raised voices around the table, Bard cutting through them. “You won’t find better outside the city armoury. All iron forged weapons are held there under lock and key.”

Dwalin released her chin. “I’ll leave the fussing to others. Remind me what it was that I told you about staying out of reach, girl?”

She opened her mouth to reply as he turned to face Bard across the table. “What did you just say, bargeman?”

“I said, you're not going anywhere,” Bard repeated to the table. “There are spies watching this house and probably every dock and wharf in the town. We must wait until nightfall.”

Grumbling, the Company settled back down and Bard left the table to speak with his girls briefly before leaving the house.

Vanessa helped the boy, Bain, as he gathered the weapons back into the bag on the floor. “Can you manage?” she asked him as Bain slung the strap over his shoulder. He smiled and nodded back at her as he lugged the bag across the room and out of the way.

Kili held out a hand to her as she crossed the room to join him and Fili by the window, his other hand held tightly over the wrapped wound on his leg. He was shaking his head emphatically at Fili standing over him.

“It’s fine, Fee. No.” Kili dropped her hand and cursed, reaching for his brother as Fili turned and caught Oin's eye.

"Oin will just take a quick look. It’s not a weakness.”

Oin joined them and knelt in front of Kili, pushing his hand away firmly from the wound and ignoring the scowl. He looked up at Vanessa. “Can you fetch us a bowl of water, lass, and see if you can find fresh bindings.”

Sigrid was scrubbing potatoes and stopped to find Vanessa what she needed.

“He's hurt?” she asked, wide eyed. "Go back to him, I'll bring it over. Go.” She flapped her apron at Vanessa.

Oin looked up as she returned empty handed.

"I got chased away. Sigrid will be over in a moment. Don’t scowl at me like that, Kili.”

“Here we are.” Sigrid arrived with a bowl of steaming water. “Excuse me.” She brushed past Fili, smiling warmly at him, and knelt beside Oin.

“Thank you, lass.” Oin took the bowl from her as she produced bindings from her apron pockets.

“We have some herbs too, there’s not much but you’re welcome to have a look," Sigrid said, peering at the wound and moving Kili’s hand away as he tried again to cover it.

“Bain and Da are constantly needing patched up.” She peeled back Kili’s torn trouser leg, ignoring his protests, and looked at Oin. “Do you need some more light?”

Oin smiled at her. “This light is fine for me, you keep your hands there and there and I'll have a look. I'm just checking that it's clean, Fili, it feels very warm. Give us some space, lad, stop hovering over me.” He pushed an anxious Fili back, Vanessa took his arm and led him away.

Thorin beckoned them over as they stood by the fire. He nodded towards Oin. “What is going on?”

“Oin is just checking Kili's wound, Uncle.”

“We're going to the armoury to take what we need, and then we make for the mountain. I can give Oin a few more minutes but that is all.”

Fili nodded and returned to Oin, crouching to speak into his ear.

Thorin caught Vanessa's arm as she made to follow him. “I could command you to remain here but I expect you would not respect it.”

Feeling a response wasn’t required Vanessa stayed quiet.

“I saw what you did, at the bridge. I believe the orc would not have missed at that range without your interference.” Thorin inclined his head. “For that, I thank you. Now go. You can’t very well climb a mountain in that."

He let go of her arm and Vanessa scooted back to the bedroom area, her heart suddenly light as she pulled the curtains and fought her way out of the dress and back into her clinging, damp clothes.

“You’ve changed.” Kili smiled up at her as she rejoined them, he reached out his hand to pull her close. Sigrid looked up and frowned.

“That’s you, lad. All done. Thank you, Sigrid.” Oin finished tying up the bindings. “Hopefully that'll feel a bit better.”

“Yes, lots. Thank you.” Kili beamed at them all winningly. “Thank you, Sigrid. Much better.”

Sigrid smiled and quietly gathered up the bowl and soiled bindings. Standing she spoke directly to Fili, “My Da won’t be happy you’re leaving, and your brother needs to rest, and I was going to make you dinner.”

Vanessa covered a smile with her hand as Sigrid pouted a little for good measure on the last and sashayed off to the kitchen with her head high. Fili stared after her curiously.

“She'll make a good little nurse, that one,” laughed Oin, standing and nudging Fili hard with his elbow. “Shame about missing dinner though, eh?"

* * *

Vanessa watched Nori as he clambered quickly up and through the window of the armoury. The dwarves had made themselves into a ladder of sorts, she felt a bit sorry for the lads at the base.

“You stay put," reminded Dwalin, as he too left to climb up and disappear.

She peered around the corner again, all quiet. It's nice to be actually trusted with something to do for a change, she grinned to herself. I’m making progress.

Pulling her hood up over her head she glanced up at the dark, heavy sky as the first flakes of snow started to fall.

A loud clatter of metal from inside the armoury broke the silence and made her jump. The echo bounced around the quiet walkways and Vanessa listened in horror as shouts of alarm were raised nearby. She held her breath for a moment before she heard the pounding of heavy boots, coming closer.

“Run!" shouted Dori from behind her, grabbing her sleeve and pulling her to her feet.

She sneaked a quick glance around the corner, several guards were running along the walkway towards them. “Guards coming this way,” she hissed as Dori cursed and ran the opposite direction.

Vanessa looked up at the rickety wooden house above, she couldn't see a safe route to the roof. With a sigh she took a deep breath and lowered herself quietly over the edge of the walkway down into the icy water, pulling herself gently in under the decking, trying not to disturb the water.

There she floated. Her face turned up in the small airspace, dark water lapping around her and not daring to move as she held tightly to a wooden support. The deck bounced above her and dust trickled down on her face, tickling her nose. A heavy door banged open nearby and she could hear Dwalin shouting at the guards. Other voices joined his and then everyone was shouting. The deck bounced more violently and she fought the urge to sneeze as the guards gathered the Company up and subdued them.

Vanessa waited for a few heartbeats after the footsteps faded and pulled herself back out from under the deck. Swimming across quietly to the deep shadows under a nearby house she hauled herself out of the water, her teeth chattering violently.

Bouncing a little on her toes to try and warm up she walked in the direction the guards had taken. Helpfully the townsfolk were coming out of their houses and following along so it was easy to pull her sopping wet hood over her head and blend in with them.

The crowd came to a gradual stop and she slid and elbowed her way through, ignoring the tuts above her hooded head. Sidling up behind the front row she could see the guards had brought the Company to a halt at a large house in a square. A huge man was making his way down the steps.

“What is the meaning of this?” he roared, lifting his arms and playing to the crowd.

Bofur was looking around the spectators and Vanessa lifted her hood slightly to catch his eye. He gave no sign that he’d spotted her but she watched as he leaned forward and spoke into Fili’s ear. She retreated a little into the crowd, well out of arms reach of the guards.

“Hold your tongue." Dwalin stepped out of the Company and silenced the crowd. “You do not know to whom you speak. This is no common criminal. This is Thorin. Son of Thrain. Son of Thror.”

The crowd gasped and Vanessa watched as Thorin stepped out with authority, thanking Dwalin. "We are the dwarves of Erebor. We have come to regain our homeland.”

Vanessa felt the ripple of excitement in the crowd. A pantomime crowd, she thought to herself, looking around carefully as Thorin spoke regally to them, whipping them into excited cheering with promises of riches in exchange for help.

“Death!” Bard stormed through the crowd next to her, she slipped out of the way and briefly caught Balin's eye. He nodded to her almost imperceptibly and she smiled back.

“That is what you will bring upon us!" Bard sounded furious. "Dragonfire and ruin. If you awaken that beast, it will destroy us all.”

The crowd exclaimed in horror and then cheered again as Thorin argued back and forth with Bard.

This is probably the most entertainment they’ve had in years, she thought. I wonder how many of them are actually listening to the words. Aware of the irony Vanessa smiled as she tried desperately to think of any plan beyond wait and see what happens.

She looked again at Kili, standing by Fili with his head bowed, hair hiding his face. He looked downcast. She tried to elbow her way forward again to see him properly but the crowd surged and she was pushed backwards roughly by her neighbours.

“I say unto you..." The man on the steps raised his arms and smiled. "Welcome!”

The crowd went wild and as she was jostled amongst them she felt a strong hand grasp her arm.

“Ness,” Fili spoke in her ear. "We wondered where you'd gotten to.”

“I was just getting ready to sweep in and dramatically rescue you all. It would have been glorious." She shrugged at him and smiled. “But looks like I won’t be needed after all.”

He tucked her in under his arm, a hand protecting her head, and pushed their way back through the crowd. “Always needed, Ness. Always.”

* * *

“So where exactly does everyone think you are?” Vanessa raised a leg out of the warm water and soaped it thoroughly.

“I don’t know." Kili watched her leg closely as she slipped it back under the water. “And right now I don’t much care.” He relaxed back into the armchair and winced slightly.

“Kili.”

“It’s fine, just a bit sore.”

Vanessa leant over the side of the tub to lift her glass and take another large mouthful of wine. She set it on the floorboards carefully and sank back into the warm water with a happy sigh. Watching him she stretched and pillowed her arms behind her head, arching her back a little bit more than necessary perhaps.

He smiled at her over the top of his own wineglass. “I think you’re teasing me a bit, Ness. Which isn’t really fair when I’m injured.”

“Who followed who? I thought I was bathing alone. You nearly gave me a heart attack when you came in.”

“Sorry.”

“You don’t look sorry. Not even a little.”

He grinned happily, and reached forward to scoop up a handful of water and trickle it down between her breasts. "Turn around and I’ll wash that rats nest you call hair for you.”

* * *

The Master of Lake-town provided a plain but plentiful dinner which was greatly appreciated by the ravenous Company, all expect Kili who seemed to have no appetite.

Fili exchanged concerned looks with Vanessa as his brother picked through the food on his plate, eating little. “Are you not hungry, brother?”

Kili shook his head slightly. “Maybe later, if you lot leave anything but crumbs.” He smiled at them. “Stop worrying, I’m fine. Just a bit tired, I think.”

Vanessa watched Fili gather up a plate of food. He threw a cloth over it and set it aside. “We'll save some for later, you need to eat.”

“A company of dwarves, a halfling and a slip of a girl.” The Master’s words caught Vanessa's attention as he laughed from the head of the table. "A strange choice, I say. Why the hobbit and the girl? A bit of sport, eh?” He laughed heartily and nudged Thorin.

Vanessa looked at Bilbo, his face reflected her own.

“I mean no offence, of course." The Master called down the table to Vanessa and Bilbo, “Merely curious, you understand.”

Thorin was glaring at the Master, and Vanessa felt Kili tense beside her. She didn’t dare turn to look at his face.

“You understand, of course." Thorin refilled his wine glass. “That I cannot share my plans with you in totality. However, what I can tell you is that they both have skills we dwarves do not possess. They will be instrumental to me in retaking the mountain.”

“I can imagine." The Master's servant, Alfrid, smiled down the table at Vanessa. “Skills indeed.”

Vanessa felt her face flush in anger as he boldly looked her up and down. Beside her Kili started to stand and she put a hand on his leg quickly. Angry mutters were rising from the Company around the table.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you.” Thorin spoke directly to Alfrid, “Not if you would like to live to regret that remark. That one's a witch.”

“A witch?” The Master looked at Thorin, horrified. “Witchcraft?”

“Yes. Of course witchcraft.” Thorin leaned back in his chair. “I’m sure you are aware that dragons are magical creatures. You are a clever man, I’m sure you can work out my reasoning.”

“Oh. Of course.” The Master nodded enthusiastically. “and my apologies. I had thought-”

Thorin held up a hand. “I know what it is you had thought, and I will hear no more about it. Perhaps your man could fetch us some more of this excellent wine?”

The Master dismissed Alfrid with a flick of the wrist and he stalked out, not taking his eyes from Vanessa as he went.

Fili turned to her and whispered, “You're in with us tonight.”

“But Thorin-”

“I’ll explain to Thorin. We're not leaving you on your own, I won’t hear of it. I’d put Kili in with you if I thought I’d get away with it.”

Alfrid returned and banged pitchers of wine on the table with ill grace. The Master stood and excused them both with many flowery words before exiting and leaving the Company alone.

“I thought they’d never go," Bofur said loudly, sniffing the wine cautiously before pouring himself a large glass. “What a pair of weasels.”

The others agreed heartily and conversations started up around the table as the pitchers were passed around and quickly emptied. Fili stood up from the bench and went to speak with Thorin.

“If he dares look at you again,” Kili said quietly beside her, “I’ll kill him.”

Vanessa turned to look at him and shook her head. “You can’t kill someone just because they're a bit of a letch.” She smiled gently at his serious face.

“Who can't?” Kili gave her a ghost of a smile. “Anyway, let’s not talk about him.” He moved closer and lowered his voice. “Let's talk about what you did to me earlier.”

She felt herself blush bright red. “Here?”

“You’re right, perhaps not here." He smiled at her, a true smile this time.

“You enjoyed it then?” Vanessa smiled back at him.

“Oh. So we are talking about it.” He moved closer still, lips touching her ear as he whispered, “Yes, very much. Could you not tell?”

Vanessa felt her colour deepen, remembering the expression on his face as she had knelt in front of him, wrapped in a towel. Bathwater still running in rivulets over her skin. His surprised intake of breath as she slowly unlaced him and took him in her mouth. Deep moans and his hand tangled in her wet hair, the other gripping the arm of the chair tightly, his hips lifting as she worked him. Her name falling from his lips like a prayer as he came hard.

“I don’t even want to know what you two are talking about.” Fili climbed back onto the bench. “Thorin agrees with me. I’m not sure when I became your chaperone, little brother, but it appears that is what I am.”

He drained his wine and smiled at them. “Come on then, bedtime.”


	32. Do you ever wish you’d both never met me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving Lake-town.

They had a restless night. Kili the only one who slept, tossing and turning, plagued by bad dreams.

Vanessa lay awake in the dark, cold hours before the dawn and watched him, worrying, knowing Fili was likely also awake on the other side of the huge bed but not wanting to speak in case she disturbed Kili’s fitful sleep. She slipped an arm around Kili’s waist as he twisted again. Her fingers met Fili's.

“Ness,” Fili whispered, “are you awake?”

She wriggled up the pillows and Fili did likewise until they were wrapped closely around Kili. “Should we fetch Oin?”

“I don't know.” Fili swept his fingers gently across Kili’s forehead. “Maybe. Let’s wait a little while longer. It’ll be a long day for everyone today, if he can sleep at all we might be best letting him.”

She watched as he settled himself back against the headboard as best he could.

"I can't remember the last time he had a nightmare," Fili murmured, concern in his voice.

They lay quietly and listened to Kili as he mumbled in his sleep.

“Do you think I’ve ruined him?” Vanessa laid a hand over Kili's heart, it was racing.

“What?” Fili opened his eyes and twisted to look at her, propping himself up on one arm.

“Do you?” Vanessa nodded. “You can be honest with me. I can take it. Do you ever wish you’d both never met me?”

“Ness.” Fili shook his head slowly.

“Please.”

Fili reached out and gently took hold of her hand where it lay on Kili's chest. “Where is this coming from? The dark time before dawn is never the time for questioning yourself, believe me.”

He took a deep breath and looked her directly in the eyes. “No. I don’t wish we'd never met you, of course not. And I don’t think you’ve ruined him. But if its honesty that you want then I must warn you that others might not feel the same way, others who don’t know you like we know you.”

"There’s a lot you don’t yet know about this world, and a lot you don’t know about our culture. We have many rituals, our own set ways of doing things." Fili shifted a little and rubbed her knuckles gently with his thumb. "The way Kili has gone about things with you is...well it’s not our usual way, let’s put it like that. And we’re a proud people, suspicious of outsiders. What I'm trying to say is that you may not be immediately accepted by everyone after we regain Erebor. But we'll stand beside you, all of us.”

“I didn’t mean to start any trouble.”

“I know, and you haven't. Remember one of you does know this world.” Fili smiled down at his sleeping brother. “And he doesn’t care about the fallout. Listen to me, nobody can know for certain what will happen. But what I do know is that he plans to marry you and he will not give you up, not for anything or anybody. I just don’t know if I will be able to keep you both with me in Erebor.” A look of sadness passed over his face.

“I’m sorry. I really am. If I get taken back to my world though, then that would-"

“Don’t even say it." Fili squeezed her fingers. “Don't even think it. Your place is here now, with us. You don't want to go back there, do you?”

“No, no. Never.” Vanessa looked down at Kili. “No matter what lies ahead.”

* * *

Vanessa kept her head down and hood up as they walked through the cheering crowd to the barge the Master had provided. The wooden walkways were crowded with townspeople and she kept close behind Kili, not looking up at anyone, still stinging a little from the master's words the night before.

The elves didn’t think that about me, she thought to herself, scowling. Or if they did they bloody well kept it to themselves. Even Galadriel didn’t-

She stopped dead in her tracks, Bombur walking into her.

“Alright, lass?” He steadied her as she stumbled.

“Yes, I’m...” Vanessa waved him on. “I'll...I'm...see you in a minute.”

She looked up towards the mountain in horror, at the woods snaking along it’s lower flanks, creeping up the far edges of the lake. Turned back to look at the wooden town. How did I forget about the dragon? She suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe. How did I forget about Smaug? I need Gandalf.

Vanessa looked at the barge, at the dwarves all settling on board. Thorin standing on the jetty with Kili beside him. She walked towards them slowly, trying to squash down the cold fluttering of panic in her stomach.

The vision from the mirror crept into her mind despite her best efforts. A dragon flying over the woods, a town on fire. But it could be another town, she thought, trying to reassure herself. I didn't really get a good look in the mirror. We'll get to the overlook and I'll tell Gandalf everything and he'll know just what to do. It will all be fine.

She heard Thorin speaking gently to Kili as she drew closer.

“Stay here. Rest. Join us when you are healed.”

Kili turned away from his uncle, his face devastated. She rushed forward as Oin climbed out of the barge.

“I’ll stay with the lad.”

Oin moved toward Kili who had slumped down onto a box by the jetty. “My place is with the wounded.”

Vanessa dropped to her knees in front of Kili as she reached them. “What’s happened?”

Kili shook his head sadly.

"Kili? What’s going on?” She looked back at the barge. Fili was shouldering his way through the Company.

"Uncle,” he said as stopped directly in front of Thorin. “We grew up on tales of the mountain. Tales you told us. You cannot take that away from him.”

“Fili." Kili placed a hand heavily on Vanessa's shoulder as he called to his brother, shaking his head.

Fili glanced over and looked back up at Thorin, pleading. “I will carry him if I must.”

“One day you will be King and you will understand. I cannot risk the fate of this quest for the sake of one dwarf.” Thorin sighed heavily, “Not even my own kin.” He grabbed Fili's arm as Fili climbed out of the barge. “Don’t be a fool. You belong with the Company.”

Fili shook off Thorin's hand and tilted his chin defiantly. "I belong with my brother.”

“No.” Kili reached out a hand as Fili strode along the jetty, attempted to push him away as he reached them. “No, Fee. Please don’t do this.”

“Hush, brother.” Fili sat down on the box beside Kili and wrapped an arm around him. “My place is here by your side, I would never leave you.”

Vanessa stared up at them, Kili’s head tucked into Fili's neck as Fili stroked his hair and whispered to him. She looked back toward Thorin. The last dwarves were climbing on board and preparing to leave. Oars were lifted and Thorin stepped on with a final glance at his nephews.

She pushed herself to her feet and ran towards the barge.


	33. I’ll see this forsaken place burned to ash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A missing wizard.

“Thorin, wait!” Vanessa ran to the barge. “Stop, wait. Wait.”

Thorin turned and placed a boot on the jetty, holding the craft steady. “You are coming with us? I had assumed...but no matter.” He held out a hand to help her board.

“Ness?”

She glanced behind her as Fili rose to his feet, confusion on his face and a hand on Kili’s shoulder. Kili sat with his head bowed and shoulders slumped, his face hidden from her.

“No, no.” Vanessa looked back at Thorin and shook her head. “I need to tell you something before you go. Please. Could you give me one moment?” She looked at the others. “Privately, if we can. Sorry.”

Thorin looked at her steadily. “Fine.” He stepped back on to the dock.

“Thorin, I'm aware that this is going to sound a bit odd but I need you to tell Gandalf something for me.”

Thorin stared at her, his expression unreadable. 

Vanessa shifted her weight to the balls of her feet nervously. “Thank you. Can you tell him I’ve kept my promise but that there's things I’ve seen that I need to tell him about. Can you tell him that....”

Waving her hands about she searched for the right words, wishing she'd had a bit more time to prepare. “Can you tell him about the big orc, the one who shot Kili? Can you tell him what he looked like, the orc I mean. Do you remember? I'm sure you remember. He was really tall and had the metal things in his ribs and claws on his shoulders and the metal in his face. Oh, and blind in one eye. And, and can you tell him about the woods by the lake.”

She pointed so that he would know the ones she meant. Thorin followed her finger.

“Those ones, those exact ones. The way they curve down almost to the shore. Can you tell him about the woods please?”

“What is all this about?” Thorin looked at her closely, searching her face. “What sort of message are you trying to send through me?”

“Nothing.”

“It’s obviously not nothing.” He stepped closer. “Did you know that orc? Did you know what he was going to do?”

Vanessa retreated across the boards rapidly, trying to get out of arms reach, suddenly feeling the need to run. 

Moving faster that she could react Thorin took a hold of her arm and pulled her close, staring into her eyes. “You did. You have seen him before.”

Say something, she told herself as she stared back at him, not daring to breathe. Her mind completely and uselessly blank. 

“And what has any of this to do with Gandalf? What ‘promise' have you kept? You will tell me now.”

“I...I...I can't, Thorin, I-" she stammered.

He shook her once. Hard. Grabbing her other arm and pulling her tight against his chest. He looked furious. 

She tried to pull herself free. “Thorin, you’re hurting me.”

Thorin tightened his grip and she gasped in pain, certain the bones in her arms were being crushed. “You will tell me now. Quickly. Because right now, right now I believe that you are an orc friend and a danger to my Company. And you are making me doubt the wizard's motives. So you will satisfy me, right away.”

Vanessa heard the tread of heavy boots on wood and felt a flutter of hope. 

"No closer, Fili.” Thorin didn’t take his eyes from her and Vanessa's heart sank as the footsteps stopped.

“No,” she begged, shaking her head. “I’m not, I promise you.”

“Then what?” he asked her in a low growl. “What are you?”

“Thorin?” Fili spoke softly from nearby.

She didn't dare turn her head away from Thorin, her heart hammering like it was trying to burst out of her chest. 

"People are staring.” Fili sounded closer now. 

“Fine.” Thorin lifted Vanessa bodily and dumped her into the barge. She hit the deck awkwardly. 

“Go,” he commanded Dwalin and Dori on the oars as he stepped on board behind her. 

Vanessa scrambled to her feet and Thorin pushed her back down hard, fingers digging painfully into her shoulder to hold her in place. 

“Thorin.” Fili knelt and held on to the barge as it attempted to pull away. Vanessa could see Kili struggling to get to his feet, Oin holding him down.

“Uncle. What is the meaning of this? Let her go.”

“She is coming with us.” Thorin placed a boot on the jetty and pushed away, forcing Fili to let go or be pulled into the water. "Join us when Kili’s healed.”

“Thorin,” Vanessa pleaded with him from her knees on the deck. “Please, let me stay.”

He pushed her backward towards a confused Nori and Balin. “Hold on to her. Search her, take her weapons. Be sure you get all of them, remember who's been training her.” He leaned in and spoke in a low voice, “And as for you. If you think for one moment that I would leave you alone with my nephews now, you are sorely mistaken.”

Vanessa looked around his legs and watched Fili turn and walk away along the jetty, tears burning in her eyes as Balin muttered and rummaged through her clothes.

* * *

Kili looked up at him, stricken, Oin’s hands still firmly on his shoulders even though he was no longer attempting to stand. Fili wondered if the older dwarf was holding his brother upright. 

“Fee?”

“I don’t know.” He knelt in front of his brother, placing a hand gently on his face. The skin under his fingertips worryingly warm.

Kili stared back at him with dull, glazed eyes.

“You’re burning up. Let’s get you well and then we'll catch up with them.”

Fili looked up at Oin. “I’ll speak with the Master first and then come back and fetch you. Stay with him?”

Oin nodded and they both turned as they heard a clatter of heavy boots and Bofur ran panting up the boardwalk to the jetty.

"No!” he cried after the disappearing barge, his shoulders slumping. Turning away he brightened as he met Fili’s eyes, a grin spreading over his face. “Fili. Did you miss the boat as well?”

Fili shook his head, turning back at a small sound to catch Kili as he pitched forward. “Kili? Kili.”

* * *

“Where shall we go now?” Bofur asked.

Fili turned back to the solid door and hammered on it again with his fist, hitting it a solid kick for good measure. A chip of wood snapped off the frame and he stared at it for a moment.

He took a step back so he could get more power behind him for the next strike.

“I don’t think that’s going to help, lad,” called Oin from the base of the steps where Bofur sat with Kili. “Come on now. Just leave it. We need to get Kili in somewhere warm so he can have a proper rest.”

“The bowman's house?” suggested Bofur. “Fili, we can try Bard.”

With a final glare at the closed door Fili stomped down the steps and knelt to slide Kili's arm about his shoulders. “A little further, my brother. I'll help you.”

* * *

The Company rowed across the lake and climbed out of the barge by the mouth of a river that emptied into the lake from the valley. After gathering up their packs they stared for a while toward the mountain, whispering amongst themselves, until Thorin commanded they move. 

Dwalin found the trail and they began the long, winding walk up the steep western side of the valley through the scrubby woods and towards the overlook. Vanessa trailed behind and looked back towards Lake-town sadly.

“Come on, lass,” said Balin, still on guard duty. He beckoned her forward. “I know you can keep up better than this. I don’t know what’s going on but I’m sure we can get this all straightened out. Until then, just behave yourself and don't annoy him further.”

She chewed on a fingernail as she walked past Balin, still furious with herself for telling Thorin.

Bilbo would have been a better choice, she thought, anyone would have been a better choice. And now I've convinced him I’m a orc friend, but if I tell him that I saw the orc in a dream or something then I’m back into witch territory. Or both. Again. She tasted blood and started on another fingernail, searching the route ahead for any sign of the wizard.

* * *

Fili shifted Kili's weight against his shoulder, trying to lift his brother as much as he could without actually carrying him. He had tried that once already, Kili fighting him with a strength that he really didn't have to spare. 

Accepting defeat Fili had apologised and Kili had walked, stubbornly refusing all aid. Only after a second slip on wet boards nearly put him headfirst into the icy water, and would have had Fili not been quick enough to catch a hold of his belt, did Kili agree first to a supporting arm about his waist, then to slinging his arm over Fili's shoulder. 

Fili understood. His own face burning with a mixture of humiliation and anger as they slowly approached Bard's house. 

Both he and Bofur had repeatedly stopped and asked the townspeople for help as they made their way through the narrow, unpleasant smelling, streets. At best they had heard mumbled excuses and apologetic refusals in response. But too many times men had simply turned their backs and ignored them.

Kili took another shambling step at his side and panted with pain. Fili shot a look at a slovenly man watching them and ground his teeth. He was to be the Crown Prince of Erebor. Thorin Oakenshield's declared heir. The future King under the Mountain. This treatment was an affront. 

They allowed Kili a rest at the base of the steep wooden steps that led up to the house. Fili watched with concern as his little brother swayed, knuckles white on the handrail as he held himself upright, his head bowed.

“Bard’s a good man.” Bofur smiled as he patted Fili's shoulder. “He'll not turn us away.”

Fili lifted Kili’s tangled hair. “Open your eyes for me, little brother. That’s it. Last bit now and we'll get you a proper rest.” He smiled at Kili in what he hoped was a comforting way and leaned in to kiss his brother's clammy forehead gently before he turned to Bofur.

Bofur stepped back hurriedly.

“I’ll not forget this," Fili said quietly, “I won’t forget how we asked for help and were turned away. "I’ll see this forsaken place burned to ash.”

* * *

Vanessa stood looking out over the ruined city far below, Bilbo beside her. He turned and asked the Company, “What is this place?”

Balin walked towards them. “It was once the city of Dale. Now it is a ruin. The Desolation of Smaug.”

She breathed out shakily, exchanging a small smile with Bilbo as she heard him do the same. 

“The sun will soon reach midday," Thorin said, “we must find the hidden door into the mountain before it sets or the keyhole will be lost to us. This way.”

They turned to follow Thorin. Bilbo stopped and looked back. "Wait, is this the overlook?”

Vanessa looked back at the ledge as Bilbo continued.

"Gandalf said to meet him here, on no account were we to-”

“Do you see him?”

Vanessa turned to watch Thorin as he spread his arms.

"We have no time to wait upon the wizard, Master Baggins. We are on our own.”

He turned and began moving on up the mountainside. The others began to follow. Beside her Bilbo sighed heavily.

“Sorry,” she whispered, “good luck with everything.”

“What?” He lifted his head but she was already sprinting as she heard him shout. “Ness, wait!”

Behind her she heard a roar from Thorin to stop but she had already reached the edge. Dropping to her knees she slid over it backward, letting go of the lip as Dwalin reached for her in a shower of dust.

She fell several feet before her boots hit against rock and she scrambled desperately for holds, almost losing her footing before she rapidly began downclimbing. The rock was crumbling beneath her feet and fingers and it was a lot more sheer than she had hoped. It was terrifying. 

“Bring her back!” shouted Thorin from above but no pursuit came.

She screamed in fright as her foothold crumbled away and she fell in an uncontrolled slide for a few terrifying metres before one of her boots hit solid rock again and she managed to arrest herself, getting a grip with her hands and a partial grip with her other foot. She allowed herself a moment to press her face against the rock and pant, her arms and legs shaking hard.

“Lass,” Dwalin called, looking down at her. “Get back up here. No one’s going to hurt you. It's too steep, you’ll kill yourself.” He turned away and spoke to someone behind. "Who's got the rope? Quick now. We need to pull her up."

Vanessa hung where she was, fingers cramping and looked down between her boots. She thought she could see a section further down where she could traverse a bit, where it looked a bit more solid. A rock bounced off her shoulder painfully and she squeaked with fright and looked up.

Thorin was standing on the ledge, another rock in hand. “Do not doubt me. I can put this straight through your head. Now, stop.”

“Thorin, no.” She heard Balin say, and murmurs floated down from the rest of the Company. She watched Thorin shake off a hand and look behind him before he glared back down at her.

A rope slithered down the rockface beside her. “Come on,” called Nori, his voice friendly. “Grab a hold and we'll pull you back up.”

She felt her leg starting to shake harder with the strain of holding herself in place. “Thorin, please. I need to go and find Gandalf. I’m not an orc friend, I’m not a witch, I promise you. Please believe me.”

Thorin spoke to the rest of the Company. “At Lake-town I was asked me to carry a message to the wizard. To tell him about the orc who shot my nephew. The orc who tried to murder our Kili. She knows who he is, don’t you? You've met him before. ”

Shocked murmurs from above, Vanessa slipped another few inches and scrabbled about for a better grip. “I don’t know who he is. I just thought Gandalf might know, that’s all.”

“Don’t take me for a fool, I looked in your eyes and you knew him.”

“But the orc was about to shoot her.” Balin sounded confused. “We all saw that. So even if she did know him somehow then he’s no friend of hers now. And Gandalf was certain she was from another world. Oin vouched for her injuries. Fili and Kili...Kili...”

Balin peered over the edge and down to her, a hurt expression on his face. “Was it all a lie?”

“No." She felt the tears threatening. “I haven’t lied about anything. I’m not from here, you know that. You do. You have to believe me.”

“Enough of this.” Thorin looked behind him. “Dori, Bombur, take the rope. Nori, go down and get her.”

The rope was pulled up and she glared at Thorin. “You're making a mistake. I’m not your enemy.”

Nori was lowered backward over the edge. “Just hold on tight and I’ll be right with you, lass.”

Vanessa looked down beneath her feet and back at Thorin.

He hefted the rock. “Do not test me. I do not make idle threats.”

She let go.

Her feet hit another solid rock and she was climbing down again, far too fast for any control, flinging herself down the face. Her hands and feet slipping and skidding, sharp rocks scraping her skin. Unable to spare a hand to protect her head she braced herself for the blow that would knock her from the mountainside but it didn’t arrive.

After more falling than climbing she hit the solid ground at the bottom. Staggering to her feet she ran painfully with boots full of stones back towards the lake, keeping as close to the cliff as she could, her hands held over her head. 

* * *

The pain in her feet forced her to a stop and she looked behind, anxiously panting.

She looked up at the grey rock walls above her. Thorin could have sent some of the Company back along the ridge to cut her off at the lake. Her heart beat madly, would he risk it? He needed to be at the secret door, but he might spare a few to bring her back. She’d no weapons, no food.

No water.

Vanessa looked at the river glistening temptingly in the sunshine. With a final upwards glance she limped across from the relative safety of the valley wall to greedily scoop handfuls of ice cold water into her mouth.

Wrestling off her boots she sat and shook out the stones and rubbed her poor feet briefly, whimpering sadly at the blood on her socks and her torn and bloody hands. She thrust them in the river, hissing as she tried to work some of the stones out from under the skin of her palms. Glancing up the valley past the outer walls of Dale towards the mountain she froze in place.

Sore hands forgotten she stood, realising she’d seen this exact view before. In the mirror, the rocks swarming black with orcs.

Vanessa stood, shoved her throbbing feet back into her boots and started running.


	34. Tell him I’ll be back soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret shared.

Vanessa stopped and threw up again, nothing but bile and water this time. She allowed herself time to take a few breaths with her head between her knees before she pushed herself back up to standing. Legs shaking she staggered a few steps before forcing herself back into a jog. The Lake-town bridge loomed ahead of her in the darkening sky.

As she trotted onto the wooden bridge a guard stepped out in front of her. Holding up her hands she smiled widely and he relaxed the hold on his weapon and waved her through.

She nodded at him as she passed and he grabbed her arm. “Sorry, miss, thought you were one of the children. You’ll have to state your business before I can let you in.”

“Oh I’m sorry. I’m looking for the dwarves that stayed here this morning.”

“You're the witch.” He took a large step back and lowered the pike towards her slightly, uncertain.

“No, no. Don’t do that.” Vanessa smiled her very best smile. “I’m a friend of Thorin, King Thorin, he sent me to check that the remaining dwarves were getting the best of care. Shall I go back and tell him that his good friends in Lake-town wouldn’t even let me, his trusted advisor, through the gate?”

She kept smiling at the guard, noticing him scuffling his boot as he thought it over. “I’m completely harmless, I promise. I just need to quickly check and then I’ll run on back to Thorin and update him. We really need to get the rivers of gold organised.” She slid forward a half step and lowered her voice conspiratorially. “I can say I magicked my way in if that’s easier?”

He stood aside. “You won’t tell anyone I let you in?”

“Not a word.” Vanessa shuffled past gratefully. “You haven’t by any chance seen an old man about, dressed in grey, probably with a pointy hat? Carries a big staff.”

He shook his head.

“If he arrives could you tell him I’m here. My name's Vanessa, by the way.” She held out a hand and he stepped back. “Well, thank you." She scuttled off down the walkway into the town before he could change his mind. "Goodbye."

* * *

“Thank you.” Gratefully accepting the bowl of hot stew Fili sat back down on the stool beside the bed. Sigrid nodded and smiled at him warmly, leaving him to return to the table where Oin and Bofur sat eating with Bard and his other children.

The bowl warmed his fingers as he stared down at Kili. Oin had given Kili something to help him sleep and it seemed to have worked, but he was far from sleeping peacefully.

He watched Kili frown and clench his fists in his sleep, fighting an invisible foe. Battling alone. Fili balanced the bowl carefully in one hand as he brushed the damp curls from Kili's face, hoping his little brother knew he was there.

A sharp knock made him jump. Bard crossed the little house and swung open the door, stepping back to usher in an elderly woman.

She bustled over to the table with a speed that belied her appearance and untied a pouch from her apron. “So, what’s all this about?” she asked Bard. “Your boy said an arrow wound?”

Bard nodded. “Yes, a few days old but he now has a high fever.”

He brought the old woman over to the bed. Fili set his bowl down on the floor and stood politely. She barely glanced at him as she pushed him out of the way and laid a hand on Kili’s forehead.

Oin came to stand beside her, talking about what he'd done so far and Sigrid tugged on Fili’s sleeve, pulling him gently away. “Give them space, Ingride knows what’s she's about.”

Fili moved obediently back a few steps, watching as Oin gently lifted the blankets from Kili and unwrapped his leg. Ingride poked at the wound and the surrounding skin and bent to sniff it. As she ripped Kili’s trousers further and traced her crooked fingers over the telltale lines, the purple and red marks of a creeping infection. Fili crept a little closer, his heart sinking to his boots.

Oin placed a hand on his chest. “No further, lad, you'll block the light. Go on with you and eat your dinner.”

Fili slunk away and sat down sadly at the table dropping his head to his hands, he wrapped his fingers tightly into his hair and tugged hard.

He felt a gentle hand lightly touch his. “Eat. You do him no good by starving yourself. He needs you strong.”

Fili raised his head and Sigrid slid the bowl in front of him and went back to the kitchen. He lifted the spoon and stirred, looking over toward the bed. He couldn't see what was happening. A cry from Kili tore at his heart.

"Sit."

He hadn't realised that he was standing. With a muttered apology Fili sat back down as Sigrid returned to the table. 

“Good." She nodded and lifted the dropped spoon.

His fingers closed around it as she pushed it into his hand.

"Now, eat," she said sternly as she settled herself opposite, placing a large hunk of bread on the table in front of him. “Every drop and every crumb. This is a fishing and hunting town, Fili. Ingride is used to patching up wounds that have turned bad. Knives, fish hooks, arrows. We’re a poor folk, we like to try and fix things ourselves before paying for a healer. So she’s seen a lot of infected wounds.” Sigrid smiled at him, sympathy in her eyes. “She'll know what to do.”

* * *

Fili was attempting to listen politely as Bain told him about a hunting trip somewhere when the healer returned to the table. Standing up too quickly he nearly overturned the bench and had to grab at an annoyed Tilda and apologise profusely.

Ingride pushed the dinner things out of the way. Selecting a mixture of herbs from her pouch she showed them to Oin and began to make a poultice. “This will draw out any infection, keep him warm and encourage him to eat and drink.” She shook her head. “Like you I suspect the wound is poisoned but with what I cannot tell so we'll treat with what we know.”

He must have made some noise.

Ingride looked up from her herbs. “Ah, the older brother. Try not to worry, Master Dwarf, he is young and strong. You dwarves are a stubborn lot, he'll fight it off yet. Just let him rest and keep him quiet.”

Bard handed Ingride some coin and thanked her, accepting a loaf of bread from Sigrid before she made her way out.

“Thank you, Bard, I will make sure you are repaid for your kindness.” Fili heard his voice crack and swallowed hard around the sudden lump in his throat. He licked suddenly dry lips. “Oin. She said poison?”

“Yes, lad, I think so.”

He felt Oin take his arm and push him gently back down onto the bench. Bofur placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed comfortingly.

Oin took a breath and continued, “I’d suspected as much myself earlier and I said to Bard that a second opinion would be useful. It could still be just infection, it could.” He leant down and looked Fili firmly in the eye. “We could be wrong.”

“But you can work out a cure?" Fili could hear the pleading in his voice. "If it’s a poison then there must be-”

“We wouldn’t know where to start, and we could do more harm than good. Ingride is right, we need to make him comfortable and let him fight it off.”

Fili tugged hard on his hair as he thought. “Stay with him. Tell him I’ll be back soon.”

Crossing the room he thought aloud over the beginnings of his plan. “The orcs followed us downriver, so I’ll go back that way and pick up their trail and capture one. Make it tell me what’s in the poison, or maybe it’ll have an antidote. I’ll not be long.”

He sent a quick prayer of thanks that Balin had made the time for extra lessons in the orcish language as he picked through the pile of discarded armour by the door. Most of the orcs spoke at least a little Common but not all. The foot soldiers were more likely to use only Black Speech. Their commanders were more likely to have any antidote though, he nodded to himself as he buckled on a gauntlet and rifled through the pile for its match, tossing pieces aside.

I'll take one alive and kill the rest, he decided. They'll be easier to search if they're dead. And a captive will be more inclined towards helpfulness if they see the consequences of being otherwise laid out plainly before them. 

“Fili.” Bofur walked towards him, arms outstretched.

“No. It's fine. I’ll be as quick as I can. Just...” Fili looked toward the bed in the far corner, felt a sharp pain in his belly at the thought of leaving Kili, no matter how necessary the reason. “Just keep him here until I get back.”

He stood and lifted a breastplate. Remembered Ness. "I need to fetch Ness, I shouldn’t have let her go.” He wasn't sure how he could manage both tasks.

I'll think of something on the way, he told himself. 

“Fili.” Bofur grabbed a hold of him and held on. “No lad, no. Just stop. This is madness.”

Oin joined them and wrapped his arms around the pair of them, trapping Fili's arms to his sides. Fili felt a hand on the back of his head, pulling his forehead down on to Bofur’s shoulder, a strong hand stroking his hair, another rubbing circles on his back.

“You have to stay here,” whispered Oin. “When he wakes it’ll be only you that he looks for, you know that.”

“I need to do something." Fili clenched his fists, his eyes burning as he blinked hard against Bofur's tunic. “Give me something to do, some way to help him.”

“You stay here, you stay here and watch over him.”

To his shame Fili felt a sob rise in his chest. He pressed his head harder against Bofur and tried to choke it down. Bofur hushed him gently, making soothing noises. 

“No running off anywhere looking for vengeance." Oin's voice was gentle by his ear. "You just be right here when he wakes up.”

When he was finished they released him and Fili walked back to Kili’s bedside head down and ashamed by his weakness. Bard and his family had tactfully moved into the kitchen area and he avoided their eyes, certain his were red rimmed.

Taking his seat on the stool he took Kili's cold hand in both of his and laid his head down on the bed. “I’m here, my little brother. I won't leave you.”

* * *

Vanessa blew on her cold hands as the heavy door closed behind her. “Thanks, where did you say they were?”

“Just upstairs.” Alfrid smiled, locking the door securely and pocketing the key. “So you’re not a witch then you say?”

She shook her head. “No, like I told you, I’m not a witch, Thorin was just making a joke, kind of. But I’m definitely not a witch though. I wouldn't stand outside freezing and shouting through a keyhole if I was.”

She smiled at him and he smiled back.

“You’ll have to leave your weapons here, the Master doesn’t allow guests to be armed in the house.”

“Well, that’s easy.” Vanessa shrugged. “I don’t have any.” She looked around, expecting to see a pile of weapons from the dwarves.

“You understand I need to search you.” He licked his lips as she raised her arms obediently.

“Fine.” Vanessa tried not to roll her eyes as he started pawing through her hair and running his fingers under the collar of her shirt. “Is he any better?”

“Who?”

“Kili.”

“Oh, the dwarf. Yes, much better.” Alfrid shot a glance at her as he ran his hands up her arms and then back and across her chest.

Vanessa frowned at him. “Well, that’s good. You're being a bit-”

“Can't be too careful these days, miss.”

She watched him suspiciously as he felt around her waist and ran his hands down her legs. “I can’t imagine the boys were too happy about being searched like this either.”

He swept his hands back up her legs, rubbing them over her thighs. As his fingers crept under her tunic and touched the laces on her trousers Vanessa stepped back. 

“Right, that'll do.” Alfrid stood. “Up the stairs, miss. Ladies first.”

She ran up the stairs, hearing the echo of her footsteps as she went. The house was silent.

“Kili!” she shouted, “Fili! Oin!”

No answer, she stopped on the landing. “Bofur?”

“On up, miss. On up to the top. They’re in the attic room.”

Slower now she walked up the next flight of stairs, feeling a growing sense of unease. They led her to another smaller landing facing two doors. It was dark and quiet.

“Kili?” she called and whirled angrily to face Alfrid. “Why can't-”

* * *

Vanessa woke up in the dark. Lying completely still she tried to breath normally, and only when she was completely sure she was alone did she try to sit up, relieved to find she wasn’t bound. Her head felt wrong, she touched her forehead and her fingers came away wet and sticky.

That creepy bastard, she thought angrily. That creepy bastard hit me.

She checked herself over quickly, breathed a sigh of relief that she was still dressed, even down to her boots. Pushing herself to her feet her head span and she staggered and vomited, falling back to her knees.

Once she'd finished retching she crawled forward until her fingers touched a wall. Using it for support she pulled herself up to her feet slowly and felt her way around the room. She found the little attic window but all was black outside and the window stuck fast. She pried at it for a bit before she continued on.

The room was lightly furnished. She collided with an unmade bed and as she blindly felt her way around it her boot knocked into something solid on the floor.

Kneeling down her groping hands knocked against a jug of liquid which she managed to catch before it completely spilt. She gave it a cautious sniff. Water as far as she could tell, she drank deeply and feeling around further she found some damp bread. So she sat down and ate and drank and began to feel a little better. Finished she continued her journey around the bed and found the door, locked.

Vanessa stood with palms flat on the door trying to think. She was confident that the boys weren't in the building so she needed to just get herself out. Tempting though it was to bang on the door and attempt to rip Alfrid's arms off when he opened it she knew that wasn’t a viable plan.

Dragging the bed slowly across the room she tipped it on end and tried to wedge the door. Then she curled up on the floor and closed her eyes, hoping she wasn't concussed and sleeping wasn't a terrible idea. 

She woke with a start in daylight as the door politely rapped.

“You awake in there?” called Alfrid.

“You absolute bastard!” she shouted, throwing her weight herself against the bed frame. “My friends aren't here at all are they?”

He laughed. “Course not, came round here begging. I told them to clear off.”

“Why did you hit me?”

“You fell and hit your head, I just looked after you.”

“Let me go.”

“Of course I will.”

Vanessa heard the smile in his voice and bared her teeth at the closed door. She looked around the room for anything she could use as a weapon.

"As soon as you do something for me.”

“What?”

“I think you know.”

“Never.”

“Never is a long time, I hope you went easy on that bread and water I gave you. Tell you what, you have a good long think and I’ll come back later and we'll chat more.”

Vanessa heard him stomping down the stairs and kicked the bed hard in anger.

Storming across to the window she pushed at it and fiddled again with the catch but it still wouldn’t open. Taking off her boot she covered her eyes and quickly bashed the pane out, hearing surprised shouts from below as the glass fell outward. Footsteps pounded up the stairs as she knocked the last few big shards out. Vanessa tugged her boot on and carefully looked out of the broken window.

Onto the roof, she reckoned, the jumps from roof to roof looked manageable. She could keep jumping across buildings until she found a safe way down.

A thump behind her and she glanced to see the door opening and Alfrid struggling past the bed. She swung a leg quickly up onto the ledge and reached up to hold the top sill as she pulled her head and the rest of her body out the window. A hand grabbed her ankle and she crouched and kicked as hard as she could back in through the window, connecting with Alfrid. He released her ankle with a howl but the kick had overbalanced her and as her fingers pushed into the rotten sill for support the wood crumbled away under her hands.

With a scream she fell backwards headfirst, narrowly missing the decking and landing badly in the water. She felt hands grabbing at her and she twisted and kicked down, lungs already burning. She swam under the nearby boats and managed to get under the next block of houses before coming up for air. Pushing herself further back into the dark she wedged herself between the struts and pulled her wet hood over her head.

Quietly she watched the Master’s house. Alfrid ran out shouting for the guards. She watched the townspeople drift away as guards arrived but frustratingly a few good citizens remained to point out where she'd hit the water. The guards peered into the water and borrowed oars from the boats to poke about, looking for her body she supposed.

As she lost feeling in her fingers and toes and the shivering started properly the guards seemed to decide that she must be on foot in the town. They split up and she heard their boots pounding along the walkways. Vanessa pulled herself out of the water as much as she could and lay along one of the struts. Her whole body shivering now. She tried to curl her fingers and toes to get some feeling back.

And there she lay miserably through the day until the sun sank in the sky and the shadows gathered. Once it was fully dark she slipped back into the icy water with a smothered gasp and made her way carefully from house to house until she neared Bard's.

She hid under a neighbours deck for as long as she could but couldn't tell if the house was being watched. There were lights in the windows and smoke coming out the chimney. She whimpered, teeth chattering. There was only one safe option. 

“Fuck.”

* * *

Vanessa dragged herself out and fell onto the floor of the bathroom, coughing.

“What the-" Bard looked down the stairs at her. “You do know there's a door?”

He ran down the stairs and lifted her to her feet, Vanessa smiled at him gratefully. “Sorry.”

“You are freezing.” He shouted up the stairs. “Sigrid! Bring me a towel. And some clothes.” He turned back to her. "What did you do to your face, girl?”

Fili appeared at the top of the stairs and stared down at them open mouthed. “Ness?”

“You are here! I’m so happy to see you. Where’s Kili?” Vanessa took a step towards the stairs and her legs buckled. Bard caught her before she hit the floor.

Sigrid pushed past Fili and clattered down the stairs holding a towel. Wrapping it around Vanessa tightly Bard picked her up like a child, Fili moving back to give them space as Bard carried her up the stairs and set her on a stool in front of the fire.

“Lass.” Oin knelt in front of her as she swayed, shaking. "Oh lass, what have you done to yourself this time?" He turned to the others. “We need to get her warm. Sigrid give me those clothes, there's a good girl. Now can you get tea and soup or something on please. Bofur, you help me get her changed. The rest of you turn your backs and give her some privacy.”

Bard, Fili and Bain turned their backs obediently as Vanessa protested weakly that she could manage whilst Oin tutted at her.

* * *

Vanessa scowled at Oin as he briskly tied the laces on her shirt.

“You can take that look off your face, none of this is my fault. Now, thank Bofur for he’s as traumatised as you are. And just be glad I didn’t ask Fili to help, he'd never be able to look you in the eye again, poor lad.”

“Thank you, Bofur,” she muttered through chattering teeth as Bard laughed and the tips of Fili’s ears turned pink.

“Right, lads. She’s decent again. You can turn around." Oin stood up. “Make sure she doesn’t fall off that stool.”

Fili knelt in front of Vanessa and wrapped his arms around her. “What happened?”

“Where’s Kili?”

“He's asleep, I’ll take you over to him when you’re a bit warmer.” He touched her forehead gently with his fingertips. “What happened? Who did this to you? I thought you were on the mountain? Where is everybody else?”

“Oh Fili, I’ve made a big mess of everything.”

Fili smiled at her and rubbed her arms briskly. “Nothing we can’t fix, I’m sure of it.” He moved aside as Oin set a bowl of hot water on the floor beside them.

“Let’s get you cleaned up.”

* * *

“There you are, all done.”

Vanessa hissed through her teeth as Oin cut the thread. He slapped her fingers away as she tried to touch the fresh stitches and pushed the bowl of soup back across the table towards her.

“What happened?” asked Fili, as he walked back across from the bed and joined them.

“Well, apparently I fell but unless my memory is playing tricks on me I got smacked in the head with something. I didn’t see what, it was dark and I was just turning around.”

“Who hit you?” asked Bard.

“That weasel, you know the one, the Master's servant.” She shook her head, the name was gone.

“Alfrid?” Bard raised his eyebrows, “Dark hair? This tall?” He indicated.

“Yes, him. The one who was standing beside the Master that day on the steps with Thorin. The one at the dinner.”

“Why?” Sigrid looked shocked.

Vanessa lifted her bowl and took a long drink of her soup while she thought about how best to answer bearing in mind that there were children present.

“Ness?” Fili was looking intently at her now.

“Well, I thought you would be there so I went and he let me in and told me you were upstairs.” She put a hand on his arm as his face darkened. “No, I’m fine. Nothing happened. I woke up in the attic room, and he said I'd fallen and he was looking after me. But I clearly remember turning around at the top of the stairs when I realised the house was too quiet and I’m sure it was then that he hit me. But it’s my word against his I guess.”

“What?”

She turned to Bofur to see him looking angry and she stretched out her other hand to him. “Look, I’m fine, I am. I woke up and it was dark so I barricaded the door and waited until it was light to jump, fall really I suppose, out the window.”

“That was you?” Bard asked. “Sigrid heard about that today at the market. The guards were looking for a dangerous criminal that Alfrid had captured.” He paused and stood. “I’ll go for a walk and see what I can find out.”

Fili nodded. “Thank you.”

“You all stay here. Ness, you need to hide if anyone comes to the door.”

“We'll make sure of it.” Oin reassured Bard.

Vanessa scraped the bowl clean and licked her fingers. “Right, finished. Can I see Kili now please?”

* * *

“I’m so sorry.” Vanessa took his hand in hers as they sat on the floor beside the bed. She scrubbed her eyes with her other hand, sucking air between her teeth as she caught her fresh stitches with a fingernail.

“You’re allowed to be upset,” Fili whispered back as he squeezed her hand. “It’s hard seeing him like this.”

The house was dark and quiet, they had pulled the heavy curtain around the bed to muffle Kili's laboured breathing in the hope the others could get some sleep.

Bard had returned before dark, smiling with the news that the guards were half convinced their criminal had drowned and been pulled out into the lake by the currents, or trapped under a house. The search had been reduced and the Master was furious. Bard had heard rumours of witchcraft and warned Vanessa to keep her head down. She'd agreed, not seeing any possible reason to leave Kili’s bedside.

Vanessa looked at Fili, his profile lit by the faint moonlight seeping in from the window above their heads. She leaned in closer. “Is there nothing we can do?”

He dropped his head forward and she missed his reply.

She leaned forward, brushing the tangled mane of hair out of the way and then pulled him to her. “Oh, Fili, I’m sorry.”

He wrapped his arms around her in a crushing embrace. They broke apart, wiping eyes and laughed quietly at each other.

"We're a right pair, Ness.”

She nodded and he pulled her back and settled her against his shoulder, an arm wrapped tightly round her, knees and hips touching. He kissed her temple lightly and lifted her hand, turning it round in the dim light, gently touching the scraped and cut skin on her fingers, running his thumb over the grazes running across her palm. 

“What happened? Tell me all of it.”

She sighed, “I don't-”

“All of it. You said everything was a mess. So tell me. Start at the barge, what happened? Why did my uncle take you with him?”

“Oh, Fili, it’s a long story and-"

“Ness.”

“Fine.” She chewed on a finger until he pulled the hand away from her mouth. “Have you seen Gandalf?”

“No. Go on.”

“I need to talk to Gandalf first, I made a promise.”

“Well, I don’t want you to break a promise but Gandalf isn’t here, and he's not likely to be here. He’s probably on the mountain with the others.”

Vanessa shook her head.

“I don’t know what’s happened then, I think you have to assume that he’s not coming. Let me help you.”

She took a deep breath, Gandalf was going to be all pissed off. “Thorin is convinced I’m either an orc friend or a witch, possibly both, but you must believe me, I’m not. I’m really not.”

“I know. I believe you. I was there when we found you, remember." Fili smiled down at her reassuringly. “Thorin has spoken to me of his suspicions already and I’ve told him that I am absolutely certain he is wrong. It is not often i disagree with him, I think it took him unawares. 

"He feels someone may have planted you, or you were dropped into the woods by a powerful force. He thought you might have been sent to hurt us, to derail the quest and entrap us. I didn’t believe it then and I don't believe it now. I trust you. I trusted you with my brother, that’s no small thing.”

They both stared up at the bed and Fili sighed heavily.

Vanessa looked at him and made her decision. "Fili.”

He turned to face her.

“I’m going to tell you something and I’m hoping it’s not a terrible mistake.” She took a deep breath. “Back in Rivendell the day you all left Gandalf took me to see the lady Galadriel.”

“Who?”

“Lord Elrond’s mother in law, she’s a bit scary but kind. Anyway. That's not important. She and Gandalf wanted to try her magic on me. To see if they could work out how I got here. And how to stop me going back." She took another deep breath. “So she has a magic mirror that shows the past and the future. Or maybe future. Possible future I suppose.”

A groan and movement from the bed had them both on their feet. Fili crawled across the bed and took Kili’s hand as he twisted in his sleep and settled again. Once he'd quietened and his breathing settled somewhat Fili turned back to her. “Go on.”

Vanessa turned away and looked out the window whilst she searched for the right words. He joined her and nudged her with his shoulder.

“It worked. It showed me my last night before I arrived in Middle-earth.”

“So you know what happened?” Fili wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close, her back against the warmth of his chest. “Do you want to tell me?”

“It was horrible. James must have given me something, or I just had too much to drink, and he handed me to Matt and his mate. He must have had it all planned out, they were waiting for me.”

“Oh, Ness.”

“I’ve never told you properly, but I did some bad things back in my world, things I’m not proud of. I was trying to change, to make a fresh start, but I guess Matt felt I owed him. Or maybe James owed him, I don’t know. Anyway they, well, you can probably imagine.”

Fili pulled her closer and pressed a kiss on the top of her head. She leaned back into him. “I’m only telling you this so you know what the mirror does, I believe all that it showed me about the past was true.” She met his eyes in the reflection on the glass, “I really don’t know if I should be telling you any of this. I don’t know if it’s fair, it’s been driving me mad.”

“Whatever it is I can take it.”

“He can’t hear us, can he?”

Fili looked behind him. “No, I don’t think so.”

Vanessa lowered her voice just in case and he leaned in close to her shoulder. "So then it showed me woods and I thought it would show me running through them or meeting you but then I saw the dragon flying over the woods and I recognise those woods.”

She picked at a loose splinter of wood on the window sill. “I know how it sounds. How can you pick out some trees from other trees but I just know it's the trees on the other side of this lake, I can feel it, and then I could see a town on fire and then the dragons eye but it was through water so I think I was underwater maybe and it’s looking down at me.”

Fili breathed out shakily.

“I think the dragon's alive. Galadriel did say the future wasn’t set in stone but the mirror seemed pretty clear on that. Unless we’ve changed something and it’s dead but I don’t know what we could have possibly changed to kill a dragon.”

“We need to-”

“Wait, there's more.” She turned in his arms and put her hands flat on his chest. “It’s worse, it’s so much worse and I am so sorry. I saw a battlefield and it was here, the valley in front of the mountain, I saw it when I ran away earlier.”

“You ran away? What happened up there? What do you mean battlefield?” Fili shook his head, trying to understand. “Maybe it’s a past battlefield? Maybe it was Dale on fire, from when the dragon first came?”

“No, no. It’s a future. I know it is, I saw Thorin and I saw you and Kili. You were surrounded. I saw, I saw...I can't.” Vanessa pressed her forehead against his chest and squeezed her eyes closed.

He rubbed circles on her back and held her close. “A possible future. Oh, my poor Ness. That explains your dreams.”

“I couldn't look at either of you without seeing it. I'm so sorry. Gandalf said I needed to use the images in the mirror as a gift, let him know if I saw anything I recognised so he could decide what to do but then he went and fucked off so I can’t tell him about all the rest of the things I’ve seen.

"I asked Thorin to pass on a message to Gandalf about the woods, and the big orc, but Thorin thought I was up to something and I couldn’t explain because Gandalf said I mustn't tell anyone. He made me promise. So Thorin said he didn’t trust me near you because he thought I knew the big orc and he took me with him.

"And then Gandalf wasn’t at the overlook after all and so I had to run away and I saw the valley when I stopped for a drink and looked back and it’s the same valley. It’s here. In the mirror it was full of orcs. The valley was black with them and Kili. And Kili and...” She stopped, panting for breath and leaned back against the window, covering her face with her hands as she choked down a sob.

Fili moved forward and stroked her hair. “The big orc? I don't understand. You said to Thorin about the woods but what is it about the big orc?” He pulled her hands away from her face and smiled at her sadly. “Come on, you’re doing really well. Keep going.”

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, I’m really sorry. The big orc, the one at the Mirkwood bridge. I recognised him because I saw him in the mirror. He was holding Kili and he...and Kili was all alone.”

“You’ve lost me, you saw the orc shoot Kili at the bridge? But you stopped him, you saved my brother. Don't you see?" Fili smiled at her. "You've changed it."

“No, no, not at the bridge, that wasn’t in the mirror. I just looked up and saw him. It was somewhere else in the mirror, he was holding Kili and there were black rocks. But then we saw the big orc at the bridge and I thought we'd changed things but I don’t know.”

Fili looked confused. “The big orc wasn’t on the battlefield?”

“No, the mirror showed me. Twice. Two different times, the valley and the rocks. And I saw Azog. I saw Azog. There was a tower. You mustn’t go in the tower.” She clutched at his shirt and pulled at him, moving her hands to his face. “Whatever happens, you don't go into the tower. You must promise me, Fili.”

“Why? What happens at the tower?” Fili allowed her to pull him close and looked into her eyes. “Oh.”

Vanessa felt his pulse quickening in his neck as her words sank in. She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

“Ness. No. No. You were right to tell me. It’s too big to carry by yourself and you’re been all alone for so long.” He cupped her face gently in his hands and pressed his forehead to hers.

“We can’t tell anyone, Gandalf was insistent about that.”

He was silent, his eyes closed.

“I know you and Kili tell each other everything but I-”

He smiled and shushed her. “No. That’s my little brother you're thinking of. I've told you before, I’m his protector. I can keep my own counsel. If it’s the right thing to do.”

Vanessa nodded, feeling a little relieved, “What are we going to do?”

“Well. First I’m going to put you into bed and you’re going to close your eyes and rest. And then I’m going to go outside and have a smoke and think things over.”

She closed her eyes and breathed him in. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hush, Ness,” he whispered, moving to press a kiss first against her forehead, then the pulse at her temple.

Vanessa opened her eyes as his fingers wound tightly into her hair, tilting her head back. His pulse pounding under her fingertips as they stared at each other for a long moment before he leaned in, his lips touching hers.


	35. It shouldn’t have been you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of time.

Vanessa woke slowly from an exhausted and blessedly dreamless sleep. Forcing heavy eyes open she smiled to see Kili’s dark eyes looking back at her.

He touched her face gently, his fingertips cold. “Morning, my Ness, I had a dream that you’d left me.”

“My Kili,” she whispered, her voice catching. “I’m sorry, I’m back now. Are you feeling any better?” She rested the back of her hand against his damp forehead. The skin there was burning.

“A little.” His jaw clenched as he tried to hide a wave of pain from her. "Will you stay with me?”

“Always, I promise. I’ll just run and let Fili know you’re awake and I'll be straight back.” Vanessa wriggled off the bed and slipped through the curtains. Fili was speaking with Bard and she ran over and touched his arm, feeling the blood rush to her face as he turned to look at her. "Kili's awake, he’s in pain.”

Without a word Fili rushed away. Vanessa turned to follow him but Bard took a hold of her arm.

“Ness, stay with me a moment.” He looked around the room and lowered his voice. “Fili tells me I must take my children on an extended hunting trip. He fears the dragon. But only yesterday his concerns did not extend beyond these four walls, not even beyond that bed. Tell me, what did you see up on the mountain?”

Vanessa shook her head and he stared at her, searching her face for an answer. His eyes narrowed and he released her.

“Definitely not a witch? I would not like to have your conscience if we should evacuate the town and do not.” He motioned with his fingers. “Go on then, get back to him.”

She slipped back in through the curtain. Fili holding Kili down as Oin checked the wound, his face grim. Climbing cautiously on to the bed she took Kili’s hand in hers and carefully avoided making eye contact with Fili.

“I'll give you something to help with the pain, Kili. And I need you to try and eat something.” Oin looked up as he finished changing the bindings. “I know it hurts, lad, and I know you don’t feel like eating. But you’ve got to stay strong.”

Vanessa could feel the bones grind together painfully in her hand as Oin tied off the final knot, Kili’s screwed his eyes tightly shut, his face grey and damp with sweat. She knelt over him and pressed a light kiss to his bitten and bloodless lips. 

She looked between Oin and Fili. “Is this better?”

Kili released her hand and clawed his fingers into the bed covers, knuckles white and panting painfully.

“Is he getting better?” she whispered at Fili. He avoided her eyes, looked down at Kili writhing beneath them.

Oin straightened and placed a hand on Fili’s shoulder before leaving. They sat in silence apart from Kili's laboured breathing and listened to the activity outside, Bard telling the children to pack and Sigrid protesting loudly that she needed to stay and help.

“Is he?” she asked again. “Fili, answer me.”

Fili lifted his eyes from Kili. “I want you to go with Bard.”

Vanessa stared back at him. "No.”

“It’s not a request.”

“It’s still a no.”

They glared at each other as Sigrid pulled back the curtain. She looked between them and handed Fili the bowl.

"Unless you want me to try and you two can get some breakfast?”

Fili shook his head and handed the bowl to Vanessa as he slipped a hand under Kili’s shoulders. “Up you come, little brother.”

Kili protested weakly as Fili propped him up and climbed in behind him.

Sigrid smiled sadly at Vanessa and drew the curtains.

* * *

"Good hunting, Bard.”

Bard gripped Fili’s forearm. “You too, Prince Fili, and thank you. I hope this is an unnecessary precaution and that we will return to find your brother returned to good health.”

Fili inclined his head. “Thank you, I hope so too.”

Bard called to his children and waved them out the door. Turning back to Fili he lowered his voice and Vanessa had to lean forward as she strained to hear.

"I’ve left a bow and quiver for you. You remember what I told you about the windlance?” Bard jerked his head towards the rafters above the table.

Fili followed his gaze and his eyes widened. “A black arrow. I hope it won’t come to that.”

Bard clapped his shoulder and smiled grimly. “As do we all.” He bowed to Vanessa and raised a hand to the others. “Farewell.”

They waved back as the door closed behind him and he clattered down the wooden steps. The house felt strangely quiet. 

“Right then." Oin turned to Fili. “How about you tell us what's going on, lad?”

“Just a precaution." Fili spread his hands and looked towards at the bed in the corner as Kili moaned. “Bard has been good to us.”

* * *

Vanessa swept Kili’s damp hair out of his face, thankful that Oin’s concoction of herbs seemed to have given him some sort of temporary relief. Although his eyelids twitched as he slept and his breathing was still laboured, worse even than before she felt.

"Kili,” she whispered, leaning in close and stroking his face gently. “Please get better. I’m so sorry for everything. Please come back.” She looked through the open curtains into the little house. Oin sat at the table, his head in his hands. Bofur sang quietly in the kitchen as he prepared dinner.

Lightly touching her lips Vanessa felt her skin burn as she remembered fingers tightening in her hair, her open mouth on his. A strong hand spread across the small of her back. His body hard and suddenly unfamiliar. Urgent, bruising kisses as they clung desperately to each other.

Breaking apart at a small noise from the bed behind them, breathing hard. Hearts racing as they stared at each other.

Scrubbing her hands through her hair to shake the memories away she stood and smoothed out the borrowed skirts. "Oin, I’m just going to step out and speak to Fili. Will you keep an eye on Kili?”

“Of course, be careful no-one sees you, lass.”

Vanessa pulled Sigrid’s old cloak over her dress and tugged the deep hood forward before opening the door. She walked down the creaking steps. “Can I join you?”

Fili moved over on the step and tapped out the pipe.

“Don't put it out on my account, I don’t mind.” She sat down beside him.

His hair fell over his face as he busied himself with the pipe, tapping and checking it. Vanessa waited while he fussed. “Right, enough of that. Stop it. Stop it.” She reached over and took it out of his hands. “Please look at me.”

He looked up and smiled at her ruefully. “Ness, that’s not mine so don’t throw it in the water or break it or anything please.”

She set it on the step above and turned back to him. Fili leaned back against the house and lowered his eyes, the colour rising on his face.

She was fairly sure hers wasn't much better. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry.” He looked her in the eye briefly. “I just needed...I just needed. Someone. It shouldn’t have been you.”

“I didn’t exactly push you away.”

They looked at each other sadly.

“What should we-"

A deep rumble that sounded like it came from all around them dried the words in her throat. She grasped Fili's knee as the wooden steps underneath them moved. Turning slowly she watched in horror as the nearby houses shifted on their stilts, small ripples spreading across the dark water.

Fili slowly got to his feet and grasping her arm pulled her up to hers, he stared in the direction of the mountain.

“Was that an earthquake?” she whispered.

He began pushing her up the stairs. “Let’s go.”

Inside Oin was on his feet, face chalk white. Bofur was standing open mouthed by Kili’s bed.

“Bofur.” Fili pointed to the kitchen. “Get a bag of supplies together. We need to be ready to leave.”

“Fili.” Oin held up a hand.

“Check Bard’s boat. I want the oars moved well out of sight, that might discourage anyone else from taking it. Actually, do that first.”

Bofur nodded and ran for the stairwell.

“Wait.” Oin approached Fili and touched his forearm. “Fili. We can’t move him.”

“We might have to, between us we'll manage if we must. I’ll carry him myself.”

“No lad, you're not understanding me.” Oin shook his head sadly.

Fili looked across to the bed and Vanessa watched his face fall. “Then the rest of you should be ready, leave me instructions for your herbs, Oin. I’ll stay with him.”

Bofur turned from the stairwell and walked across the room, a sad smile on his face. “No. We're not leaving you.”

“Bofur.”

“My family's either up on that mountain or here in this room.” Bofur took Vanessa's hand and touched Fili’s arm. “I’m not going anywhere unless we all do.”

* * *

Vanessa lit the lamps with shaking hands as darkness began to fall.

“There must be something else we can try, Oin.”

Fili sounded desperate. Vanessa knew without turning that he would be holding Kili down on the bed.

"Please, there must be."

Bofur met her eyes as he cleared the table of their dinner things. In the last hour Kili's condition had deteriorated rapidly, his body arching on the bed as his muscles seized and he screamed in pain.

Fili no longer allowed her within arms length. She felt useless. 

She blew out the taper and walked slowly towards the bed. Oin held Kili’s leg steady as he bucked again.

"Easy, lad, come on now, deep breaths for me.” He looked up at Fili. “The only thing I haven’t tried is Kingsfoil, I discussed it with the healer initially and she agreed that it would work against the other treatments.”

“Then try it now.”

“I have none.”

“I’ll go find some,” said Bofur throwing the dish he was drying into the sink with a crash. “I’ll go and ask about. Someone will know of it. Kingsfoil you said, Oin?”

“Yes, or it may be known as Athelas. Try and find the healer first, Ingride, she'll know.”

“Bard left some coin." Fili ran into the kitchen and dug around in the dresser. “Take it all. Thank you, Bofur.”

“I'll go too, we'll split the town.” Vanessa threw on the cloak.

Bofur smiled at her. “You're the witch, remember? No, you stay here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” They heard him racing down the stairs.

* * *

Vanessa closed the door quietly behind her and stood out on the decking grasping the railing and trying not to cry. Behind her in the house Kili screamed out in pain. She looked out along the darkened alleyways for any sign of Bofur.

“Where are you?” she hissed out into the dark, shaking the handrail in a fit of temper as it creaked and cracked in protest.

Some sense made her look up and she screamed into the face of the orc looking down at her over the roof tiles. A flash of a wicked blade but Vanessa was already halfway through the door, trying to drag it shut behind her as the orc wrenched it open from the other side.

“Orcs!” she screamed, letting go of the door handle and throwing herself towards the weapons.

An orc scimitar buried itself in the floorboard beside her and she swung out blindly backwards with a too heavy sword and struck lucky. The orc screamed.

Before she could swing again Fili was standing over her, kicking the injured orc hard into the table. He swiped the sword from her hand and dropped a knife beside her, burying the sword in the neck of the staggering orc and ripping it back to engage another.

“On your feet, Ness!” he shouted as more orcs pushed through the door.

She scrambled to her feet, knife in hand, whirling in horror as the windows burst inwards and the ceiling collapsed above Kili’s bed, an orc landing almost in top of him. His yell spurred her into action and she raced across the room, not realising the significance of an elvish arrow dropping an orc directly in front of her. Hurdling over the falling body she tackled the one on the bed, ramming her knife into its side as it reeled back from a kick from Kili.

Surprised, the orc overbalanced and Vanessa ended up tangled with it in a struggling heap in the narrow space between the bed and the wall. Fingers slippery with warm blood she lost her grip on the knife and screamed as she tried to hold the screeching orc’s teeth away from her throat.

It collapsed on top of her, falling suddenly silent.

Kili yanked the knife out of the orc's skull, helping to roll the heavy body off her as she pulled herself free. Falling back onto his haunches he panted heavily with the exertion and looked behind him. Vanessa followed his gaze to stare open mouthed at Legolas and Tauriel ripping their way through the orcs.

Tauriel fought her way towards their corner and as she dispatched one orc another flung itself at her back. Vanessa opened her mouth to shout a warning but Kili was already across the bed and leaping onto the orc, the knife drawn across its throat as Tauriel turned in time to see both orc and dwarf collapse at her feet.

Vanessa scrambled across the bed and lifted the knife as Kili arched his back and contorted in pain. Checking the orc was dead she stood over Kili in a crouch. Tauriel nodded to her briefly and turned to engage another orc.

Then, as quickly as it begun, it was over, the orcs retreating and leaving their dead behind.

Fili made his way quickly across the room, executing a groaning orc on the way. He dropped to his knees beside them and pulled Kili's head onto his lap. "Easy, little brother, easy. It’s over.”

“Tauriel,” commanded Legolas, “let’s go.” He ran out the door to follow the orcs.

Oin took a hold of Tauriel's arm as she made to follow her prince. “Please, my lady. We’re losing him.”

Tauriel stopped and looked back at the brothers on the floor. Fili trying to hold Kili down, making soothing noises as Kili writhed under his hands.

“I’m so sorry." Bofur ran in breathless. “The orcs.” He handed a bunch of greenery to Oin and stared at Kili in horror. “He’s worse?”

Tauriel grabbed the bunch of herbs and held it to her face, inhaling deeply. “Athelas.” she breathed.

“What are you doing?” whispered Oin.

She smiled down at the two of them and looked back towards Kili. “I’m going to save him.”

Oin quickly cleared the table and Bofur helped Fili lift a struggling Kili onto it. Vanessa watched Tauriel crush the herbs between her hands with eyes closed, murmuring quietly in elvish. The elf looked confident and Vanessa allowed herself a little flicker of hope as the soothing scent drifted across the room.

“Ness,” Oin called from the table. “We'll need your help here.”

He positioned her at Kili’s shoulder opposite Fili. “Keep your weight over him, he won't like this I think.”

Kili groaned and his hand wrapped around her forearm. She smiled down at him gently as he stared back at her with unseeing eyes. Fili firmly pried the fingers from her arm and held Kili’s hand down onto his chest. He shook his head at her. “He’ll break your arm. Keep them straight and your head away from him. Let him go if he reaches for you."

She nodded and he frowned.

"Ness. Listen to me properly. Do not let him get a hold of you.”

Tauriel nodded to them and pressed the herbs to the wound.

Kili screamed at the touch as if it burned him and fought them, his eyes rolling back in his head as he thrashed. Vanessa pushed down on him as hard as she could but it was Fili lying across his brother’s chest who kept him on the table. Bofur was kicked away hard and threw himself back over Kili’s leg swearing as Tauriel raised her voice and continued her recitation unruffled.

As Tauriel continued Vanessa felt Kili slowly relax under them and quieten. He watched Tauriel with wide eyes as she chanted and finally his eyes fell slowly closed and his breathing calmed.

With a final stream of elvish Tauriel fell silent and stood head bowed as they all stared open mouthed at her.

“I think we can let go now?” asked Oin. “Tauriel, is he safe?”

She nodded, eyes still closed. “I have done what I can for him.” She opened her eyes and looked at Fili, smiling. “Your brother will live.”

Fili nodded and lowered his head to Kili’s chest. “Thank you.”

* * *

“Well,” said Oin, looking across to the table where Tauriel was rewrapping Kili’s leg, “that was a privilege to witness.”

Vanessa looked across to the pair as she finished scrubbing her hands clean of orc blood in the sink. Handing the towel to Fili she watched Kili speak with Tauriel, reaching his fingers out to touch her hand. Tauriel smiled down at him.

Bofur stomped past. “Thanks for your help with that last one by the way, the lot of you. He got stuck halfway through, insides everywhere, and I had to knock another load of railing down into the lake with him. Bard is not going to be happy with us, he's never going to get the smell out. What’s your face like that for, Ness?”

She smoothed her face as he looked to the table. He spun back to face her with a grin, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oho, a touch of the green eyed monster." He elbowed past her to the sink. “I wouldn’t worry, eh Fili?”

“What?” Fili looked up.

“Ness is feeling a bit put out by the elf.”

“Bofur. Stop it,” she hissed angrily as Oin laughed. Fili raised an eyebrow at her with a smile.

“Ness.” Tauriel beckoned her across. “He's asking for you.”

Vanessa crossed to the table, shooting Bofur a look as he sniggered. Tauriel nodded to her with a friendly smile and stepped away towards the others.

Taking Kili’s hand Vanessa raised it to her face and kissed his palm, before leaning over him to lightly press her lips to his.

His eyes flickered open. "Ness?” he whispered, his voice hoarse.

“Don’t try to talk, just rest.” Vanessa leaned in closer. “It’s all going to be fine now.”

He stared back at her, eyes unfocused. “No. You cannot be her. She is far, far away from me, in another world.” His eyes fluttered closed again and the grip on her fingers slackened. “It was just a dream," he whispered sadly.

Vanessa stroked his fingers as she watched him drift into sleep. Fili joined her, pulling her into a one armed hug and pressing a kiss to her temple.

“He’s going to be fine,” she smiled, suddenly feeling the prickle of tears, as she felt him nod.

“I’ll lift him across to bed, let him get some sleep and we'll get packed up. First thing tomorrow morning we go.”

“To the mountain?”

Fili looked down at his brother. “We'll see how he is. I just want to get us all clear of here first. I haven’t thought beyond that yet.” He released her and slid his arms under Kili, lifting him easily.

* * *

Vanessa stood by the ruined railings looking down into the water below and listening to the rumblings from the mountain. The door opened behind her and she moved to let Fili out on to the narrow walkway. “There’s a lot of noise coming from the mountain.”

He nodded. Closing the door he looked down into the dark streets. “I had thought there would be more activity tonight. It’s silent down there.”

“I expect everyone has barricaded their doors. These people aren't fighters.”

Fili leaned back against the door. “Still, I had thought they might leave, head into the woods. They must think they are safe.” He looked up at the sky. “Do we go and visit the Master, tell him what you have seen?”

She chewed on a fingernail and he reached out and pulled her hand away from her mouth.

“Stop that.”

“Fili, what if I’m wrong?”

“What if you’re right?”

They stared at each other.

Dreading the reception she was going to get from the Master, Vanessa nodded. “Do we go now?”

Fili looked towards the mountain as another rumble floated across the town. “I think we should. Let’s go wake him up.” He opened the door. "Ness and I are going for a walk, we’ll not be long.” A chorus of acknowledgement from inside and he closed the door again. “Are you armed?”

She nodded. “I've got a knife.”

“Good. Come on then. Let’s get this over with.”

He clattered down the steps and she followed him reluctantly. Fili held out his hand to her at the bottom. “It’ll be fine, I’ll be with you. I won’t leave you alone, not for a single moment. I promise.”

She smiled at him and reached to take his hand. As their fingers touched something shook the buildings around them. Less of a rumble and more an angry roar. Fili pulled her into his arms.

“Fili?” Vanessa tried to release her grip on his tunic but her fingers wouldn't obey her. She looked up at him, his face bloodless as he stared at the sky. “Fili. Is that what I think it is?”

The door flung open at the top of the steps and Bofur yelled down to them. “Fire! I can see fire on the mountain, Fili!"

They raced back up the stairs and into the house. Vanessa turned toward the mountain, gasped in horror as a tongue of flame unfurled against it's darkened slopes. Fili pushed her into the house and slammed the door. “We need to leave. Now. Bofur, Oin, ready the boat. Ness, help Kili. Tauriel, a word please.”

Fili pushed Vanessa in the direction of the bed, she rushed across and helped a shaky and barely awake Kili sit up.

“Ness? You are here. What’s going on?” He reached to touch her, his voice heavy with sleep. “What happened your face?”

Vanessa cupped his jaw in her hands and looked into his eyes, tired but clear for the first time in days. She smiled with relief despite the fear gripping her stomach. “The dragon's on its way, we have to go.”

“The dragon,” Kili whispered as she dragged his boots out from under the bed and helped him pull them on. He raised his arms obediently for her as she slipped a tunic over his head.

He'll be cold outside on the water, she thought, feeling like her brain was short circuiting with fear as she hunted around for a cloak.

"Thorin?” Kili asked, sounding confused. He caught a hold of her arm. “The others? I can’t remember.”

“They're up on the mountain, that’s all I know. I’m sorry.” She slid her arms around his waist and helped him to his feet. “We need to get away from here. Can you walk if I help you?”

He nodded and slung a heavy arm around her shoulders.

Fili rushed across, buckling on a chestplate. “Down to the boat, Ness.” He placed his forehead against Kili's and breathed deeply. “I love you, my little brother.”

With an arm still around Kili he pulled Vanessa into a hug and placed a kiss on her forehead with a whispered, “Look after him for me.”

“Hang on, what?” Vanessa said as Kili’s eyes flared open, but Fili had already released them.

“Oin, Bofur, help Ness get Kili into the boat. Go now.”

Fili nodded grimly to Tauriel and leapt up onto the table, wrenching down the black arrow and shaking off the various bits and pieces of kitchen equipment tied to it. Dropping back to the floor he grabbed a bow and quiver of arrows from beside the door and then he was gone.

Vanessa stood open-mouthed as the door slammed closed behind him and they heard his boots clatter down the stairs.

“No. Fee!”

Kili pulled himself free and staggered to the door, wrenching it open as Vanessa caught him around the waist. Tauriel grabbed him by the collar before he could pitch both of them from the walkway.

“Fili!” he howled into the night.

Seemingly effortlessly Tauriel trailed them both back into the room and kicked the door closed. “We need to go. I made your brother a promise.”

“No.You don’t understand.” Kili grabbed Vanessa's arm, shaking his head. “Ness. Tell her, please. It's me, I’m the archer. Not Fili. And that bow, it's not-”

"Enough." Tauriel dragged him back towards the stairs as another, longer rumble shook the house. Screams could be heard from other houses nearby. Tauriel looked around them all. "All of you. Go. Now.”

Bofur stepped towards the door, “I’ll go, Kili, and-"

“No.” Tauriel spoke with authority, snagging Bofur's arm. “You will stay with your prince. We’re not out of this yet. Now, help me.”

Bofur nodded and between them they wrestled Kili down the stairs and into the boat, Kili fighting against them every step of the way.

Shocked and silent Vanessa followed with an harmful of cloaks and blankets that Oin had thrown toward her. She climbed into the little boat, wrapping her arms and a blanket tightly around Kili where he crouched shaking at Tauriel's feet on the wooden boards. Stroking his hair she made soothing noises, not sure what else to do.

Oin threw in supplies and weapons behind them before climbing in himself. Bofur handed an oar to Tauriel and took his place at the rear, silently awaiting further instructions.

Vanessa looked up at Tauriel standing tall above them, wondering vaguely how pleased Thorin would be if he knew Fili had left an elf in charge. That led her thoughts to Fili and she felt her heart twist in fear. She clutched Kili tighter.

“Right,” said Tauriel, “let's...” She fell silent and they all followed the path of the dragon as it flew overhead.

“Fuck me,” breathed Vanessa.

“Yes,” said Bofur, “exactly that. Let's get out of here. Tauriel?”

Tauriel let out a shaky breath and pushed off from the dock.

* * *

The town was on fire.

Vanessa craned her neck to follow the path of the dragon as it flew over the houses almost leisurely, pouring down flames. The air around them was hot, already filled with drifting sparks and smoke. All around them people were screaming, and the water was jammed with boats, all jostling to get to open water.

Tauriel steered them through, bullying her way through the gaps. 

Kilis fingers tightened painfully on Vanessa's forearm. She tore her eyes away from watching Tauriel push a wallowing, overloaded boat out of their path. The tendons in the elf's delicate neck standing out like ropes as she swapped curses with the occupants, Bofur joining in with some of his own from the back of their craft as Oin growled at another encroaching boat on the opposite side. 

Kili's eyes were impossibly wide in his bloodless face as he hauled himself up to his knees. Following his fixed stare she spotted him.

“Fili.”

Their boat fell silent as they all stared in horror through the gaps in the buildings, across the burning town. Buffeted and turned around by the other boats they twisted to watch the small figure scale the windlance tower, silhouetted against the flames behind.

“Oh, Fili," Bofur breathed. "No."

“We can’t stay here,” Tauriel said as the dragon banked, turning for another run across the town. “I’m so sorry.” She pushed the boat forward. “Bofur, let's go.”

The dragon roared deafeningly overhead and the dock beside them caught aflame, people caught in the inferno screaming briefly before falling silent. Smaug continued low across the town, systematically destroying everything in his path.

“He hit it!” shouted Oin, looking back. “He hit the dragon.”

“No,” said Tauriel.

“Yes he did,” said Bofur. "I saw it too.”

Tauriel shook her head. “No. Those arrows will not pierce it’s hide, only the black arrow might have a chance. Bofur. I need you to help me.”

“Sorry, lass." Bofur lifted his oar and turned to the others. “He has the black arrow, why doesn’t he use it?”

Kili hadn’t taken his eyes from the figure on the tower. “He's trying to draw Smaug’s attention,” he said quietly, sadly. “He's trying to help us get far enough away before he uses it.”

Oin wrapped an arm around Kili’s shoulders, “You shouldn’t watch this, lad, look we're nearly at the open water. Which direction, Tauriel?”

“This way.”

Vanessa looked ahead. Past Tauriel she could see the woods she had recognised at the north side of the lake ablaze. As they pulled away from the last wooden walkway before the town limit she looked back at the windlance tower, thinking hard. In the mirror the woods had not been on fire.

Changing things, Vanessa thought with sudden horrifying clarity, he's going to fall from a different tower.

Standing she lifted and flung one of the swords onto the walkway, throwing herself after it. Hitting the wooden edge of the walkway hard she scrabbled for a grip on slippery boards, dragging herself up and out of the water and on to the decking.

Half winded she staggered to her feet. Behind her she heard an anguished yell from Kili and shouts from the others. Not daring to look back in case she lost her nerve she lifted the sword and ran into the fire.

* * *

"Ness!” Kili yelled as he watched her sway to her feet and run into the smoke. “Turn this boat around," he commanded Tauriel. "Now!"

“No, Kili.” Tauriel looked at him sadly. “I made him a promise. I will go back and help them once we get you to shore.”

He looked up at her, the resolute set of her jaw as she met his eyes. Knew then that there would be no persuading her. With a growl Kili pushed himself to his feet, ignoring the shooting pain in his leg he launched himself toward the dark water.

The sharp tug on his belt and the back of his tunic surprised him, his head cracking hard off the deck as he landed badly. Kili cried out in pain as Oin deliberately pressed a thumb hard into his leg.

“I’m sorry, but you need to stay down.” Oin looked at him sadly. “We have to keep one of you safe.”

* * *

Vanessa leapt a burning section of walkway and dodged around a screaming family as she headed toward the tower. Drifting smoke and ash obscured her view momentarily and then it was back, the dragon definitely turning in smaller circles now over the centre of the town.

She stumbled as an arrow flew from the tower and Smaug roared in response. He flapped higher and poured fire down on the town, leaving the tower untouched. Vanessa pushed her legs faster.

* * *

Fili nocked another arrow and aimed at the huge beast as it circled. The houses around the tower were all aflame and Smaug seemed content to leave him alive for now.

He could see the dragon's eye on him, feel its curiosity. Each circle bringing it closer. Tracking the dragon though the sky his thoughts turned to Ness and her visions. At least this wouldn’t be Azog.

He pushed the thoughts away and concentrated. The windlance was loaded and ready, if he kept the beast’s interest it would eventually come to deal with him and then he could take his shot. It might work.

Fili laughed quietly, mirthlessly. A missing scale under the left breast. Maybe Smaug would be kind enough to have a little lie down at the base of the tower, roll on his back and show his belly perhaps.

Breathing out slowly he fired, watching the arrow fly true before bouncing ineffectually off the dragons side. He reached for another shaft, keeping an eye on Smaug as he banked and turned for another pass, closer again.

Kili would be proud of me, he thought before pushing all thoughts of his brother away, I've only missed the beast once so far.

As he took aim again he jolted at the sound of his name and looked down in horror, searching the square, hoping he'd imagined it. Ness ran out from between two burning houses and onto the wide jetty directly in front of the tower. She slid to a halt and screamed something. Something that was lost in the deafening roar of an angry dragon suddenly very close by.

Fili fumbled the arrow as a blast of hot air threw him to his knees.


	36. I will hunt them down to the very last child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smaug the Terrible

Vanessa pounded along the walkway as she watched the dragon bank, Smaug's eyes fully focused on the tower this time. Shouting for Fili she ran into the ruined square, skidding to a halt as the dragon headed at speed directly for the tall tower.

“Fili!” she yelled, waving frantically. “It’s coming for you, get down from there!”

Smaug pulled up from his dive in front of the tower, hanging in the air, roaring and beating his massive wings. Vanessa clapped her hands over her ears, dropping her sword as she watched Fili driven to his knees by the backdraft.

“Who are you that would stand against me?” Smaug roared as Fili regained his feet, swiftly nocking an arrow and aiming it directly at the dragon's eye.

Smaug laughed, a terrible sound, and the fire gathered in his chest.

The house beside her was burning, the front section sagging and partially collapsed, it's contents spilling out onto the square. Between the broken boards Vanessa spotted a sturdy looking handle and dragged at it.

Hefting the iron pot in her hands she took aim. “Here!” she shouted. “Smaug! Over here!”

Smaug whipped his head round as the pot flew harmlessly under him and bounced across the square.

Vanessa swept up her sword and pointed it at the huge beast, her hands sweating as she gripped the hilt. She wished she had a bit more of a plan. Or any plan really.

Slowly she started to step back towards the alleyway.

“Oh look." Smaug bared his teeth at Fili. “Your help has arrived. She does look very dangerous. A formidable opponent indeed."

Smaug moved closer to Fili and looked at him closely, sniffing. "How will she taste, dwarf? Shall I tell you?" His lips twisted upward in a leer, showing rows of sharp teeth. “Although. I think you already know.”

Vanessa couldn't hear what Fili said but Smaug laughed again in response. "No. I think not. I will hunt them down to the very last child, your sacrifice will not save a single one of them. I will start with this one.”

The huge head swung back towards her and Vanessa threw herself to the ground, covering her head. A gout of flame roared over her and she felt the intense heat of it on her forearms and back.

As it stopped she rolled over onto her back against the boards, certain she had to be on fire. Flames cut across the alleyway behind her and one of the houses crumpled to fully block her escape, collapsing in a noisy shower of burning wood.

“Come out,” said Smaug, as he made to land, “come out and let me have a proper look at you before you die.”

Vanessa rolled back to her feet slowly, feeling a bit sick. She raised her eyes to look at the dragon and hoped Fili had thought of something. 

A loud whistle echoed across the square. Smaug jerked and turned, the black arrow ricocheting off his breast.

In silence the three of them watched it spin away in a clatter of metal, coming to rest underneath the tower.

Vanessa looked at Fili in horror. 

Roaring in fury Smaug beat into the air, his huge tail lashing the tower hard. The structure lurched and shivered, the impact knocking Fili off his feet. He caught at the windlance for support before, with a final splintering of wooden beams and a loud rumble of stone, the tower collapsed in a rush of noise and dust to the ground.

Vanessa screamed his name, heartbroken, as she lost sight of him.

Smaug turned from the remains of the tower and landed on the square. The wooden boards shook and bounced under her feet. She was sure she heard cracking.

"Now then, here we are. Just the two of us. You’re not going to try anything stupid, are you?”

Vanessa shook her head and got to her feet, tears blinding her.

“Good. That’s good." nodded Smaug. “Then we can have a conversation. Oh, I wouldn’t bother with that if I were you.”

Vanessa obediently set the sword back down.

“I am sorry about the dwarf.” Smaug moved closer and sniffed at her, Vanessa shrank back. “Truly I am. Friend of yours, was he?”

She nodded.

“Thought as much. You have chosen your friends poorly.” Smaug’s head drifted closer. “Traveller.”

Vanessa stared into the huge eyes.

Smaug laughed and her heart hammered in her ears in fright. “Oh yes, I know what you are. I’ve met your kind before.” His huge talons clicked on the wood as he moved, taking a good look at her. “One of you fell into my cave once, woke me with screams about monsters and how he needed to go home. I may have been a shock to him.”

Vanessa swallowed and forced on a smile. “I can imagine. There are no dragons on my world, not like you.”

Smaug looked at her, head tilted. “So you do have dragons on your world? The fool told me that you did not.”

“I expect he meant like you, we don’t have anything like you. Our dragons are very small.” Vanessa indicated with her hands. “I think there is a biggish one, but it's only about this size.” She spread her arms wide. “And it doesn’t have wings. None of them can fly. At least I don't think so. Although there are dragonflies but they’re not dragons...”

She tailed off, completely losing her train of thought as Smaug looked at her intently.

“Go on.”

“And...and none of them breath fire. No animal on my world does. I’ve never seen anything like you before. Smaug, you are magnificent.”

Smaug preened a little and spread his wings wide. "Thank you, Traveller. That’s very kind.”

He settled back down. “Now. Tell me about you. I assume you do have an actual name? How did you come to this place? Quickly now. I have many pressing matters to attend to this night.”

Behind Smaug Vanessa thought she saw a small movement in the rubble. She stepped further to the side and began to pace, the dragon following her movements closely. “Well. My name is Vanessa, my friends here call me Ness. Right. So. What happened was I was running from some things in my world. In terrible danger. And I was hurt, quite badly. And I fell and there was this flash of brilliant, bright light and then I was here. And no-one has been able to tell me anything really. You, Smaug, are the only being I’ve met who has even met someone like me.”

Vanessa stopped and looked up at him, wide-eyed as she continued, “I’ve spoken with elves and wizards and people told me that they were wise and would know things but they did not. And now I see that I should have been looking for you all along. I am truly fortunate to have met you.” She smiled her very best smile.

“That remains to be seen. Vanessa," said Smaug, biting out the syllables of her name.

She shivered.

“And what, may I ask, have you asked the elves and wizards? What is it you need to know. Ah wait, don’t tell me. You want to know how to go home. The man cried about that.”

“Yes, that’s it!” Vanessa bounced on her toes, wondering vaguely if she was overdoing it. “Exactly that. And no-one could tell me. Did...did the man go home?”

Smaug showed her his teeth. “No. He stayed with me. He cried and I helped him search for a way back. I feel that I can be honest with you, I wanted to see this dragonless world for myself. I wanted to see the things he spoke of.”

Vanessa paled at the thought. “But the man, he didn’t go back? He’s still here.”

“No.” Smaug closed his mouth with a snap. She jumped back a step before she could stop herself. 

“No. Of course not. I ate him. He was a weak, pitiful creature. A broken toy. But you...”

Vanessa scuttled back another few steps as the dragon moved closer.

"Look at you. You are glorious. You’ve made little friends here. You wear their clothes, fight their battles. You positively reek of dwarf.” He sniffed again and bared his teeth, glancing back at the rubble of the tower before turning his full attention back to her. “Gone a bit native, have we?”

Vanessa wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.

Smaug laughed. "The man was always crying. Crying about missing his family, about hearing their voices calling him in the night. And then crying because he couldn't hear their voices calling him. Crying about his broken bones. Continual, endless whining and snivelling. He bored me.

"And he raved about many things and then didn’t explain them to me properly. I have wondered about them ever since. Perhaps you could explain better, you seem to have a bit more life about you.” He watched her closely. “Or perhaps I am wasting my time.”

“No, no. I can explain things. Anything you want to know. I know a lot about...things. About everything. But it might be difficult here.” Vanessa waved her hands about. ”You know, with everything being on fire, and I understand you’re extremely busy right now.”

“I am.”

“We could go somewhere a little quieter perhaps?” Vanessa forgot herself and started forward as something collapsed in the houses behind her. “It would be lovely to talk with someone so intelligent. I’m sure everything would be just as you left it when we come back.”

Smaug smiled, “That sounds like a very attractive plan.”

Vanessa beamed up at him as best she could.

“But I think not.”

He drew himself up off the ground and she watched in horror as he reared back, his chest flaming red beneath his scales as he sucked in air. "I think our little conversation ends here.”

Paralysed with fear Vanessa just had time to register a flash of golden hair behind the dragon's huge foreleg as Fili leapt. He slammed the black arrow like a lance into the section of unprotected breast.

Smaug jerked and screamed, the boards underfoot bouncing. The sound reverberated around the square, deafening. Thrown to her knees Vanessa pressed her hands tightly to her ears.

Fili backed away hurriedly toward her. Screaming again in a fury Smaug lurched forward and in one fluid movement of his huge foreleg swept him away. Vanessa watched in horror as Fili was hurled across the square, slamming hard into one of the buildings and falling to the boards to lie still. She gasped his name and scrambled to her feet.

“You!” Smaug roared at her and she ran.

Sprinting along the line of houses she spotted a dock and threw herself headfirst into the black water. Flames roared over her head. Diving down she changed direction and swam quietly underneath the boards, hearing the angry roars and the wood above creaking and splintering in protest at the dragon’s shifting weight.

She surfaced cautiously by another house and peeped over the edge of the walkway. Fully expecting Smaug to be looking back at her and to be engulfed in flames. But he was gone.

Following the sound of his roar Vanessa looked up. Smaug was far above them, rising in the sky, rapidly gaining height. She hauled herself out and to her feet.

“Fili!” she called, running across the square, fearing the worst.

He lay silent on his back in the rubble where the dragon had thrown him. Vanessa collapsed to her knees at his side, looked anxiously at the crumbling house leaning above them. “Fili, can you hear me?”

She felt for a pulse in his neck and sobbed with relief at the flutter under her fingertips. Quickly she glanced up at the sky, wanting to make sure that they weren't about to be surprised by an angry dragon.

She breathed a sigh of relief to see Smaug still gaining height and turned her attention back to Fili.

Something tickled her mind and Vanessa stared upward again at Smaug, properly this time. Feeling that something wasn't right. 

His wingbeats are slowing, she realised as she felt her spine turn to ice. Smaug's dying. He's dying right above us. This is bad.

"Wake up,” she begged, shaking Fili, “please wake up. We need to go.”

So much blood, she thought wildly as he lay limp and unresponsive under her hands. It has to be the dragon's, it can’t be his.

Jumping to her feet she threw her head back and screamed for help, her voice lost in the crackle of fire and the cries of a dragon in its death throes.

* * *

The dragon rose into the air above the wreckage of Lake-town, its screams rolling across the dark water and quietening the survivors gathered on the shore. All eyes turned fearfully skyward.

“What’s happening?” Tauriel whispered.

Kili shook his head, unable to speak as he thought, barely daring to hope.

They’d watched as the tower fell, in silence except for Bofur's muffled sobs.

"He can’t be dead," Kili had whispered to them, not taking his eyes away from the rising dust. "For I would have felt it, I would have known if he had left me."

Tauriel had taken his fingers gently in hers then and they had stood with hammering hearts as the dragon settled on the ground and flames rose around the tower.

Hope had faded as they watched the dragonfire and Kili had felt the first tendrils of doubt wind their way into his heart. But now, as the dragon forced itself higher, he allowed himself to feel a trickle of hope, tinged with sadness.

“The dragon is dying,” he spoke to them softly but with a growing conviction. “Smaug is dying. It must be Fili, he must be alive." His voice wavered, “Ness...”

Tauriel squeezed his fingers and he looked up at her. “Maybe they’re both alive, don’t lose hope. But they will need help. I'll go."

She released his hand with a smile and he nodded his thanks, unable to trust himself to speak. He watched her gratefully as she climbed into an empty boat and lifted the oars, knowing in his heart that he would only slow her down if he insisted on going. Even if Oin would let him.

Resigned, he lifted a hand in farewell as she carefully pushed off, negotiating her way around the debris. As she took her first stroke the crowd around him gasped.

Kili looked to the sky and watched in silent horror as Smaug took his last breath and fell with folded wings, faster and faster to strike directly on top of the tower ruins. A plume of water and debris rose in the air and the dragon was gone, swallowed by the lake.

The crowd cheered wildly around them and Kili staggered, feeling like he’d taken a physical blow. Tauriel caught him with an arm about his waist as his knees buckled.

* * *

Vanessa looked up into the night sky as Smaug fell silent above them.

His great wings slackened and the huge body started to collapse in on itself as gravity took over.

Turning back to Fili she carefully tidied the hair off his face and pressed her lips to his in a final kiss, covering his body with hers as best she could. As she screwed her eyes shut she held on to him tightly and hoped it wouldn’t hurt too much.

The sound came first, the slam of a massive body hitting the houses. A wave of glass and wood pelted them, slicing her skin. She wound herself tighter around Fili as she sobbed, her arms around their heads. Under them the boards heaved and cracked and Vanessa screamed as something heavy hit her back, jolting her forward, and then they were in the icy water.

Her eyes flew open at the shock and she flailed and gasped as she tried to grab on to something solid.

In her panic she lost her grip on Fili and he sank quickly away from her beneath the surface. Sucking in a quick, painful breath she dived after him, swimming hard through the murky water, the pull from the dragon's body dragging them both down fast.

Her grasping fingertips caught in his slack ones and she transferred her grip to his wrist, holding tight with both hands and kicking hard. With her lungs on fire she looked past him, down at Smaug as he sank toward the lake bed. A giant, glazed eye looking directly at her.

The pull released them as the body hit the lake floor and settled, kicking up a wave of sediment. Vanessa increased her efforts, fighting the now nearly irresistible urge to take a breath. At last her head broke the surface and she gasped for air. Treading water hard she dragged Fili up and wrapped an arm as far round his chest as she could.

She tried to feel for a pulse but as soon as she slowed down her legs they both started to sink.

Too heavy, she thought, he’s far too heavy. Tearing at his armour frantically with numb fingers she tried to unbuckle the straps and kick his boots off but her efforts just pushed them back under.

She remembered her knife on her belt as she surfaced again, coughing water. Intending to cut through the leather straps she pulled it, but her cold fingers were clumsy and the knife slipped out of her grip and sank down into the lake. As she watched it spiral away into the dark she screamed in frustration, her kicking legs slowing enough to push them under again. 

Vanessa fought their way back to the surface, and looked around frantically. The burning town was only metres away, but there would be no help and she knew she wouldn’t be able to get him out of the water by herself. So that was out.

She looked to the torches burning on the lakeshore, impossibly far away.

Taking a ragged breath she adjusted her hold across Fili’s chest to keep his head above water and started swimming.

* * *

Her legs were heavy and tired and every time she lifted her head to look the shore was no closer. Continually sinking she tried to keep her hips under Fili and kick as hard as she could but she could feel her strength ebbing away with each increasingly shaky pull of her free arm.

All around she could hear desperate cries for help and she tried to add hers but choked on mouthfuls of ashy water instead.

As they sank again for what she was sure was the final time her flailing foot brushed the stones and sediment of the lake floor. The rush of hope gave her the strength to fight their way back to the surface. Slowly she struggled past the abandoned boats, swimming through the slurry of floating debris. Past the bodies.

Her foot struck bottom properly and she staggered, falling under the water. Resurfacing and half swimming, half walking she dragged at Fili, desperately tired and struggling now to keep his face above the water as she shouted for help.

Splashing behind her and then Tauriel was by her side, taking a strong hold of Fili and pulling him away. Vanessa let go and stumbled backward, falling exhausted in the shallows.

“Ness.” Kili was beside her. “Ness, can you hear me? Where are you hurt?” He wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her to her feet, suddenly stopping.

Vanessa followed his gaze to the group kneeling around Fili. Oin sadly shaking his head.

“No,” whispered Kili. “No, no.”

His grip on her slackened and she pulled away, half falling as she ran towards the group, Kili by her side as she collapsed opposite Oin on the ash smeared, dark sand.

“I’m so sorry,” Oin said, looking up at Kili and back to Vanessa. “He’s-"

“Tauriel.” Vanessa turned to the elf, knelt by Bofur. “Do something!”

Tauriel shook her head sadly. “I cannot heal death.” She looked up at Kili, tears in her eyes. “I am so sorry.”

Vanessa felt Kili drop to his knees beside her. His hand shaking hard he reached out and placed it on Fili's still chest, bowing his head.

“No. He was alive.” Vanessa moved closer. “Oin, what have you tried?”

Oin looked at her. “There’s nothing left to try, he’s gone.”

Vanessa wiped her hands on her wet, sandy trousers and felt for a pulse, sweeping her matted hair out of the way to place her ear in front of Fili’s mouth. Nothing. She tilted his head back gently.

Oin reached for her hand and she slapped him away.

Pinching Fili’s nose she took a deep breath and covered his mouth with hers. Turning her head she looked down towards his chest. “Get that armour off. I need to see him.”

“Lass, let him be.” Bofur reached out to her but Kili pushed him back and started quickly cutting through the leather straps.

Vanessa breathed into Fili again as Kili worked. Sawing through the last strap he lifted the chest plate away and dropped the knife. She watched as Fili’s chest raised with her breath.

“Come on, Fili,” she whispered to him as she took her lips from his. “Come back.”

His chest fell and she pushed past Kili to start compressions. Oin muttered something as she counted, Kili hushed him sharply.

Two more breaths, more compressions and she was beginning to give up hope when Fili bucked underneath her hands and took a ragged breath, his eyes flying open as he coughed water. She grabbed him, heedless of any of his other injuries, hooking her arm under his leg and pulling, rolling him onto his side.

“That’s it, breathe for me. Just breathe.”

He coughed more water and she slid her hand under the remains of his armour to rub his back. “Tauriel. Can you help him now?”

Tauriel looked pale and shaken but nodded and placed her hands on Fili. “I will try.”

Vanessa felt a strong arm around her waist and Kili pulled her into him. He hugged her tightly, wordlessly, and moved around to Fili’s head, watching Tauriel closely with a hand smoothing his brother’s hair. Talking quietly to him as Fili coughed and fought for air.

Oin stared at her. Vanessa looked back, feeling the tears gather. “Please don’t tell me you haven’t seen that before," she whispered, looking down the lakeshore at the bodies on the beach. So many. She could hear keening.

He shook his head. “Ness, his heart had stopped. I know because I checked.”

Vanessa nodded, and staggered to her feet. If dwarves didn't know then it was likely the men wouldn't either. “Did you see enough to help me?”

Oin shook his head and glanced at Tauriel. The elf had her hands laid flat on Fili, eyes closed and lost in an incantation.

"No," he said. Pushing himself to his feet he walked quickly around Fili, coming close to her and speaking quietly. “He was gone. Ness. Gone. What you just did, that was necromancy. You do know that?”

Vanessa shook her head. “I saved his life, and I’m going to go and see if I can save some more. Though I don’t know how I’m going to tell who I can help when there's so many." She felt her lip wobble. “How do I know which ones I can save?”

Oin shook his head at her and grabbed her firmly. “No.”

She tried to shake him off as Bofur joined them.

Oin leaned closer. “Ness. Listen to me. If anyone finds out that you can bring back the dead, they will hang you. Or worse.” He looked around. “This has to stay between us.” Bofur nodded vigorously in agreement.

“But..." Vanessa looked down the lakeshore. “But it’s not. I didn't. You have to believe me.”

“We heard you telling him to come back.” Oin looked down at Fili and Kili sadly. “It's done now and can't be undone. We'll just have to wait and see what has been returned to us.”


	37. Durin will look after his own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the dragon.
> 
> **Trigger warning in Chapter Notes (relates to tags on work)**

Vanessa made her way back toward their fire. Kili looked up as she approached. Taking a hand from Fili’s hair he reached out and pulled her down to him.

“Ness, stop.” He touched his forehead lightly to hers and encouraged her to curl in against his chest. “You saved him. I will never, never be able to thank you enough.”

Vanessa looked down at Fili, sleeping deeply and peacefully on Kili’s lap. Tauriel had done what she could to ease him. Vanessa could see her, silhouetted against the dark water by the multitude of little campfires as she moved along the shoreline with Oin and Bofur, providing what aid she could to the other survivors. 

Kili's fingers stroked through her hair, working gently at the tangles.

She took a deep breath.

“Kili.” He tore his eyes away from Fili and looked down at her. 

“Kili. I’m so sorry. I need to tell you something...” She stopped and took a shaky breath, searched for the right words but there were none.

"Ness?" He stroked a thumb along her jaw, his eyes worried.

“I think I might have been...well, I thought there might have been a child. But now...I don’t think there is after all and I’m so, so sorry."

Wrapping his arms tightly around her Kili pressed his lips against her hair. Hiding his face from her, but not quickly enough. "Ness. My Ness. Are you in pain?”

She nodded into his chest, swiped quickly at her eyes. Tauriel had spared her some healing which had helped with the injuries following Smaug’s fall, but the grinding, cramping pain had increased over the past hours. Confirming what she already knew when she'd first realised she was bleeding.

The pain itself was manageable, the crushing sadness and disappointment less so. 

I should have told him earlier, she thought sadly as she pressed herself tighter to him. The moment I suspected. Rather than worrying about getting his hopes up. Rather than telling myself that I needed more time to come to terms with the idea. 

“Should I fetch Oin?” Kili whispered, tilting her face gently to look into her eyes.

Vanessa shook her head, feeling another wave of heartache and guilt as she looked into his eyes and saw her pain reflected back at her. “I might not have been. It would have been very early. But I’d felt. I’d thought I...”

Kili kissed her forehead as she tailed off, stroking his fingers along her jaw and neck, making soothing noises. “I had hoped so too. I’m sorry.”

He closed his eyes and murmured into her hair, his lips touching her head as he spoke. She didn’t catch the words and looked up at him as he finished.

“A prayer for a little lost soul." Kili smiled sadly at her. “Durin will look after his own.”

Holding her close he rocked her gently until the tears stopped and her eyes closed. 

* * *

They came for her in the dark hours before the dawn.

Kili had insisted the others rest, certain that he would be unable to as much as close his eyes. But exhaustion had crept over him unnoticed as he stared sightlessly into the flames, lost in sad thoughts. The warmth and crackle of the fire and their soft, even breathing lulling him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

His eyes flew open at her scream as they tore her from his chest. Disorientated he made it as far as his feet before the hands that grabbed at him forced him back to the sand. 

Over the sound of men yelling at him about weapons Kili could hear Fili coughing hard from somewhere behind him. Outraged shouts from Oin and Bofur confirmed to him that they too had been taken unawares.

Heart pounding he twisted in the grip of the lakemen as they pawed roughly through his clothes. He managed to lift his head from the sand, searching for her but unable to find her in the sea of boots and legs surrounding him. Someone tried to push his head back down and he growled at them.

“What is the meaning of this?” he shouted. 

The Master emerged from the crowd. "What is the meaning of this?” he echoed as he bowed mockingly. “Prince Kili. The meaning of this is that your pet witch has brought death and destruction on the good people of this town. And we must now show her that actions have consequences.”

The crowd shouted in approval and as they parted slightly Kili could see his Ness on her feet, gagged tightly and struggling as men bound her hands behind her back. Alfrid stood too close in front of her, his hands on her as he leant to whisper in her ear.

She lashed out, managing to knock Alfrid a step backwards before one of the guards behind her spun her around and struck her a vicious backhand. As she staggered Alfrid caught a hold of her, an arm tight around her throat. 

Kili fought. Thinking him subdued he took the guards by surprise, knocking one of the men away from his feet with a hard kick. By the time the remaining guards thought to try and tighten their grip on him Kili was on his feet, wrenching free and overbalancing one of the men, a heavy boot to the face taking that one completely out of the fight. The others drew their weapons. 

Kicking the remains of the fire at them Kili lunged and disarmed the closest one, putting him hard to the ground in one fluid movement. The guard sensibly stayed down, covering his face with his hands as Kili moved on, breaking the nose of another with the hilt of his newly acquired sword.

Surprised, the man dropped his own sword to clutch as his face, yelping as Kili swept his legs from under him and buried his boot in the man's doughy stomach.

Kili reversed the sword and readied himself as the guard coughed and groaned at his feet. The others backed quickly away, realising that fighting an armed and angry dwarf was a lot more dangerous than tackling a sleeping one.

Slowly turning and surrounded Kili restrained himself with difficulty from killing them all. He indicated that they drop their weapons and they quickly complied, all bar one. Kili narrowed his eyes.

Lifting a second blade from the sand Kili strode towards the Master. 

* * *

Vanessa reeled from the blow to her face, her ears ringing and the coppery taste of blood in her mouth.

An arm snaked tightly around her throat and Alfrid's breath was warm and unpleasant on her face. “You’ll pay for that," he hissed, "witch."

She felt a surge of hope as Kili broke free. Alfrid’s arm tightening around her neck as Kili kicked the last of the guards out of his way, disarming him and lifting a second sword.

Spinning them expertly he pointed one at the Master who took a step back. “Let her go and I may forgive this.” 

“I understand completely. Of course.” The Master smiled insidiously and indicated behind Kili. “But what of your brother? Did you perhaps forget him?” 

The guards moved aside so Kili had a clear view of Fili being forced to his knees. Guards on each of his arms and twisting him cruelly as he struggled. Two further men stood behind, hands wound tight in Fili's hair as they wrestled his head back.

Vanessa felt her blood run cold as moonlight caught on the edge of a blade pressed tight to Fili's exposed throat.

Kili spun back to face the Master, furious. 

“It would be wise to drop your weapons, Prince Kili. Immediately. Otherwise I will be forced to order my men cut your brother's throat. And you will watch him bleed out here on the sand, dying like a dog, his body thrown into the lake for the fish to feast on. A sad end after surviving a dragon, wouldn’t you say?”

Kili snarled and flung his weapons to the ground.

At a gesture from the Master the guards rushed forward, more of them this time. Kili staggering and falling for a moment to one knee as a heavyset man struck him hard in the back with a stout piece of driftwood. Vanessa cried out a useless warning as they surrounded him and set upon him once more, the guards kicking him savagely in the stomach, the ribs, the groin.

Although she could no longer see him she could hear Fili roaring in fury and a commotion from the guards surrounding Oin and Bofur. She watched in horror as Kili was overpowered and slowly forced to the ground, a boot on the back of his neck pressing him into the sand as they bound his arms tightly behind him.

They dragged him back to his knees by his hair, Kili cursing and fighting them still. The Master walked over to him when he was confident that Kili was securely restrained. A sneer on his face as he looked down with distaste. Despite a guard pushing down on each shoulder Kili lunged at him and the Master jumped back with a hiss. He nodded and a further guard fisted a large hand in Kili's hair, holding his head in place.

“You were a guest of mine in this town," said the Master, "and I expect better behaviour from my guests.”

Rearing back he stamped on Kili’s injured thigh, smiling as Kili bucked in pain. “Oh, yes. And you should know. Round here, we hang witches.”

Vanessa cried out through the gag in alarm as a rope dropped round her neck. Alfrid released her with a push, smiling as a guard jerked the rope taut and dragged her towards the treeline. Behind her she heard Kili scream her name. 

* * *

“Stop this and name your price!" Kili shouted. His voice sounded cracked and hoarse to his own ears. Weak. He swallowed hard and licked his lips, tasted sand and blood. 

The Master smiled back at him in satisfaction as the rope was thrown over a tree branch and pulled taut. Ness raised to her toes and forced closer. In the silence Kili could hear her gasps of panic through the gag.

"My price?" the Master laughed. "How could I possibly put a price on the lives of my people?"

"This." He gestured toward the tree. “This is the price.”

“Name it.”

“As far as I can make out, you are little better than a pauper. What do you have that I could possibly want?”

Kili glared at him. 

“Ah, I think you might be referring to the gold in the mountain.” The Master tapped his lips and made a show of thinking. “Tell me, Prince Kili, why would I need you to give that to me when I can just walk in and take it?”

The Master turned away and raised his hands to the crowd. “Hang her.”

He spun back to the guards. “Make sure the dwarf can see, I don’t want him to miss a moment.”

Kili fought to get to his feet, a last, futile, desperate attempt to get to Ness. But they held him tightly and he watched with wet eyes as a guard pulled back on the rope and raised his Ness into the air.

Her boots scrabbled desperately for a purchase on the tree trunk, slipping off as the crowd cheered and Fili screamed wordlessly behind him. 

* * *

Vanessa hit the ground hard and gasped for air. 

“You will stop this immediately.” 

Over the noise of blood pounding in her ears Vanessa recognised Tauriel’s voice. She heard a rustle of armour as the elf stepped over her and the sound of a blade being pulled from wood. The rope was quickly loosened and removed from her neck by nimble fingers, hitting the ground nearby.

“Ness,” Tauriel said gently as she cut the ropes binding her hands and pulled away the gag, “I need you to stand for me. Get on your feet.” 

With Tauriel’s help she staggered to her feet, the air rasping painfully in her throat and black spots clouding her vision.

“Tauriel,” she croaked. “Bard.”

Bard stood behind them, an arrow on his longbow. 

“Bard is with us." Tauriel looked down at her with a small, sad smile as Legolas rode out through the trees and onto the beach. 

His eyes swept the crowd disdainfully before stopping on the Master. “What, may I ask, is the meaning of this?”

The Master smoothed his clothes and stepped forward smiling towards the tall white horse. “Welcome, my lord Legolas.” He bowed.

“I came as soon as I heard the dragon.” Legolas looked around the crowd and out towards the burning town, genuine sorrow on his face. “I am sorry for your losses this night, good people. I wish I had been closer.” He paused as the crowd murmured, a few of the survivors crying again in grief. 

“But, this." Legolas waved at the tree. “This is unnecessary and cruel. Why aren't your people tending the dead or taking shelter, Master of Laketown? Why are there children here, witnessing this behaviour? Have they not seen enough this night?”

“My lord Legolas, we have evidence that she is a witch!” the Master protested. "She has done this to us.”

Legolas turned and looked at Vanessa. “You are a witch?”

She shook her head painfully.

“You brought the dragon?” 

Vanessa shook her head again.

“No," she whispered.

The crowd shouted angrily, Legolas raised his hand for quiet. “She says she is not a witch. Even if she were that does not carry a death sentence. We do not hang wizards and witches in the civilised parts of this world. And she says she did not bring the dragon. What is your evidence?”

The Master pulled himself to his full height. “She was witnessed conversing with the dragon.”

Legolas dismounted and tossed the reins to one of the guards. "You spoke with the dragon?”

“Yes.” Vanessa looked around nervously as the crowd hissed. She licked her dry lips, raising her voice as much as she could. “Yes, I had to. It spoke to me. I didn’t know they could talk. What was I supposed to do?”

“Indeed.” Legolas nodded. "And while you were talking with the dragon?”

“Fili attacked and killed Smaug using the black arrow. And then it fell on top of us.” She turned to the Master, her voice cracking. “I was calling for help, Fili was hurt and I couldn’t move him on my own. If you could see me then why did no-one come and help us?” 

Bard turned to the Master. "A fair question. Neither she nor Prince Fili are of this town. Where were you when the dragon attacked?”

The Master spluttered and drew himself up angrily. “I could ask the same of you, Bard. Heir of Girion indeed.”

“I had four dwarves in my very small house, one gravely ill although I’m glad to see he seems to be on the mend." Bard nodded at Kili. “So I took my daughter’s and my son on a hunting trip. I returned as soon as I saw the dragon, leaving my children safely hidden in the woods. I met Tauriel and we have been hunting these past hours. Your people need fed, Master.”

“This brings us on to another matter.” Legolas looked at the Master. “You do realise who your men are mishandling?” He pointed. "The blond one, Prince Fili, the one who killed Smaug by all accounts, that is Thorin Oakenshield’s heir. And as for the really, really angry looking one..."

Legolas gestured toward Kili. “He is the younger brother, third in line to the throne I believe. Assuming the throne is reclaimed, of course.” 

He dropped his hand and looked directly at the Master. “What was your plan here, exactly? You were going to hang the girl, and then, what? Kill the dwarves I suppose? I suspect you would have had to. How were you intending to hide that from Thorin Oakenshield?

"You are aware that the princes have kin in both the Blue Mountains and the Iron Hills? Dwarves have gone to war with less excuse. How many fighting men do you have? Because I can tell you that you will not have nearly enough. Or did you perhaps think my father would support you? For I would not count on it.”

“They brought the dragon on us, Prince Legolas. Fire and death!” 

“I would advise you to stand your men down. Dwarves have long memories, and Thorin Oakenshield can bear a grudge better than most. You can take your grievance to him if he yet lives. This is not the way.”

“You welcomed Thorin. Him and his rivers of gold!” Bard stepped forward. “I warned you what would happen!”

Murmurs of agreement from the crowd, the Master looked around. "We welcomed him, yes, but we did not deserve this. We will have our revenge.” He glared at Kili. “You did this to us! That gold is ours.”

“Release my brother now," Kili growled in return, "and I may not kill you.”

Bard walked towards Fili. The guards holding him looked to the Master and finding no instructions forthcoming released their grip.

Bard caught Fili before he hit the sand. “A poor reward for ridding us all of the shadow of Smaug," Bard shouted to the crowd. “How many times did we look to the mountain, wondering when the dragon would decide that the day had come to destroy us? Yes, Thorin forced Smaug's hand, but this day of reckoning was always due. And now it is done.” 

Bard stood and helped Fili to his feet. “He should have your thanks. He certainly has mine. My children and their children can now grow up free of fear.

"We have paid a heavy price this day, my friends, but now is the time to bury our dead, to mourn and to protect the living. We need food, shelter. We need aid to rebuild our town. Vengeance will not serve us.”

The crowd cheered Bard as the Master glowered at him. 

“Well said, Bard.” Legolas turned to Kili. “Vengeance will not serve you either, Prince Kili. I can see murder in your eyes. Have I your word that you will forgive a grieving people their mistakes and honour your Uncle's promises?”

“I will not make peace whilst I am on my knees and bound.” Kili jerked his head forward and the guard holding his hair let go. 

“He has a point.” Legolas walked over and drew a knife. “Let him go.”

He waved the guards back and they jumped away quickly as Kili snarled at them. Legolas knelt and spoke quietly to him as he cut the ropes around Kili's forearms. 

Kili pushed himself to his feet, looking between her and Fili, obviously torn. Fili made the decision for him, limping across to pull Kili into a tight hug, speaking low in his ear before releasing him. Kili strode towards Vanessa as the crowd parted hurriedly before him. 

She raised her arms with a sob as he reached her and he hugged her to him tightly. “Kili," she whispered, her face in his neck. He buried his in her hair and breathed her in.

“Release my people," Fili commanded.

Kili and Vanessa looked across the beach and watched as Oin and Bofur shrugged off their guards and joined Fili.

Fili clapped them on the shoulders and turned to the crowd. "This has been badly done. I will not say that I can forgive what has happened here. But I understand that you are frightened and grieving and that you have been poorly led this night.

"My people helped heal your wounded and build your shelters. We have killed the dragon and I am sorely disappointed that this is the way you have chosen to repay us. You have shamed yourselves. But I will not punish your children with further heartache They have seen enough.”

He paused and looked around the crowd, his eyes finding the Master. "We will be neighbours and we should be allies. Perhaps in time we can be. 

"I will explain to my uncle what has happened here and plead for leniency on your behalf. I will ask him to honour his promises made when we were friends. I can give you no more than that. But this ends here. Now. Do I have your word?”

The crowd murmured, heads nodding. 

“You have our word, Prince Fili.” Bard bowed. 

The Master stood tall. “That is all very well, but what of the witch and your brother. What assurances do we have from them?”

Fili sighed heavily and addressed the crowd. “I do not believe she is a witch, but if I am wrong then I can assure you she is not malevolent. I owe her my life, my brother owes her his life. Her bravery tonight, facing a dragon, has saved you all. I could not have killed Smaug alone. If I had failed he would have hunted you down, to the last child.”

The Master snorted. 

“I am only repeating what the dragon said to me before he broke the tower from beneath my feet.

"You can believe me or not, I care little. But you will hear no assurances from either my brother or from Ness tonight, I will not ask it of either of them. I know that when the blood has settled they will follow my lead. Therefore my word will be good enough for you.” He addressed the Master directly. “And it is more than you deserve.”

“Go, good people," Bard told the crowd. “Go and take what comfort you can before the dawn. I will fetch our hunting catch and we will soon get some hot food in your bellies. Things will seem a little less hopeless in the daylight, I promise you.”

Vanessa watched the crowd as they murmured their thanks and began to disperse with a few shouts of “Prince Fili” and “King Bard". She breathed a sigh of relief. Kili stroked her hair and she closed her eyes and held him tightly as he thanked Tauriel. 

* * *

  
Kili hoisted her into his arms and carried her over to their section of the camp. 

“I can walk,” Vanessa whispered, resting her head against his neck and curling her arm tighter around him. 

“I know." He smiled. “But I need to carry you.” He nodded at Fili and Bard as they passed and settled her down by the smouldering fire. 

Shaking sand from a blanket he wrapped it around her tightly and knelt in front of her. Tilting her head back gently he touched fingertips to her throat, her split lip,

“I’ll kill them all," he whispered. "Every single man who dared lay his hands on you."

“No.” Vanessa kissed him gently, looking into his eyes. “No. You heard what Fili said. It’s over.”

“My Ness.” He held her head carefully in his hands as he parted her lips with his. “I made no such promises.” He moved closer and she wound her arms around his shoulders and raised her body to meet his, the blanket falling away. 

“Kili,” Bofur hissed, close by, “Kili.”

Vanessa tried to pull away but he held her close to him, his open mouth on hers as he said something in Khuzdul. She thought she recognised some of the words and smiled against him.

“Yes, that's all very well,” said Bofur, “but your brother and the elf prince are waiting on you. I’ll just tell them you’re busy, shall I?”

Kili released her with a sigh and smiled at her ruefully. He pressed his forehead to hers, wrapping the blanket back round her. “Get some sleep, my Ness, I’ll be back soon.”

* * *

  
Fili nodded at Kili as he left the fire and walked over to join them, limping slightly. He reached out an arm and accepted a tight hug before Kili bowed politely to Legolas, Tauriel and Bard.

“You have my thanks,” Kili said as he straightened, “I am forever in your debt.”

Tauriel and Bard returned the bow, smiling, and Legolas inclined his head in acknowledgment.

"The girl is yours then?” he asked curiously. 

“Yes.” Kili tilted his chin and looked Legolas in the eye.

Legolas glanced over at Vanessa by the fire, Oin sitting with her. “She’s not a dwarf.”

“No. She’s not," Kili agreed mildly. “I’m assuming that’s not why you called me over, Fili?”

Fili shot Kili a warning look. “I knew you would want to thank Prince Legolas and Tauriel personally before they go.”

Kili looked at Legolas, surprised. “You are leaving?”

Legolas nodded. “The orc I pursued out of Lake-town, I know who he is. Bolg, spawn of Azog. They fled towards the north. My feeling is that they head for Gundabad, they bore the mark of that place. I intend to follow them.”

“Bolg?” 

Fili nodded at his brother. “Yes, he was the orc at the bridge in Mirkwood. The one who shot you.”

“The one who tried to hurt Ness.” Kili nodded. 

“Yes, that one.” Fili glanced over towards Ness, and looked back at his little brother, feeling a wave of sadness. Not for the first time he wished she had not told him about her visions. 

“You look tired, Prince Fili," Tauriel said gently. “You really should be resting. We can stay a few more hours, can we not, Legolas? I know Bard could do with extra hands.”

Bard smiled at her gratefully.

“A few hours only," agreed Legolas, “and then we must go. Gundabad is a good distance from here and those orcs worry me. I would know their intent.”

“We can protect ourselves.” Kili’s eyes flashed and he held himself straighter.

Fili touched Kili's arm, knowing his brother's pride was badly hurt. He felt the same way, but there were limits. “You're injured." He reminded Kili gently. "And so am I.”

He turned to the elves. "Thank you, Tauriel, Legolas." Fili smiled with genuine gratitude. "And thank you, Bard. We would appreciate a few hours rest and then we will leave for the mountain.” He pushed himself up from the rock he was leaning on and bit back a groan, hoped no-one had noticed. 

“I expect we will also head that way,” said Bard, touching his forearm. “Would you not wait a little and travel with us?” Bard lowered his voice. “These people can be foolish and I know they can be easily influenced. But they have listened to your words, Prince Fili, and I know that they would follow you. And truth be told, I would appreciate your help.”

Fili exchanged a look with Kili. "I think it would be best if we went ahead. And in any case I do not think you need my help. You will be a strong leader.” He took a hold of Bard's forearm and looked up into his eyes as the bowman snorted. “These people will need a strong leader in the days to come and they already look to you. Remember you are the rightful king of Dale, you were born to rule. For now, at least, Lake-town is gone and these people are yours."

Bard looked unconvinced, "I don't think the Master will-"

"It is your blood and your birthright, not his," Fili said, hoping he sounded a little like Thorin. "You must let no-one take from you what is yours."

“I know nothing about being a king.” Bard shrugged.

“Keep them safe and keep them fed. And treat them firmly but kindly. That’s all there is to it in the end.” Fili smiled at him. “You’re already doing it.”

Bard clasped Fili’s hand in his. “I will try to come and say farewell before you go but if I do not then I wish you luck and we will meet again at the mountain.” He bowed. “Prince Kili.”

Fili slung an arm around Kili’s shoulders pretending that it wasn’t for support. “Come on then, little brother, let’s join the others at the fire. The sun is on the rise already.”

Kili patted him lightly on the chest and slid an arm around his waist. Fili winced despite himself at the touch and measured the distance to the campfire, wondering if he could make it without falling flat on his face.

* * *

Ness jolted awake as Kili lowered him carefully to the sand. Bofur opened his eyes on the other side of the fire.

“It’s only us,” whispered Kili. “Look after Fee for me. I just need to speak with Tauriel. The elves are watching out for us, Bofur, relax and get some proper rest.”

Ness opened her mouth to speak but Kili was already gone. She frowned. “You look knackered, Fili.” 

Fili lay down gingerly and smiled as she fussed about making him a pillow. As she slid it gently under his head he caught at her hand. “I haven’t thanked you.”

She shook her head. "Don't,” she whispered and he watched her eyes fill with tears. “I thought I’d lost you.”

He reached up and gently wrapped an arm around her. She didn't resist as he pulled her down tight to his chest.

“Thank you,” he whispered, kissing her head gently as he stroked fingers through her hair and felt her slowly relax against him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning - I have tagged for miscarriage but just wanted to mention again separately, just in case. I don't want to blindside anyone.


	38. I thought they might have had torches lit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to Erebor.

Wrapping her cloak tighter against the breeze Vanessa watched as Oin and Bofur loaded up the boat, a hand lightly touched her shoulder and she jolted forward.

“It’s only me,” said Tauriel. “I didn't mean to frighten you, I'm so sorry. May I speak with you?”

Vanessa allowed herself to be led away from the lakeside and up the beach to the rocks scattered along the treeline. They settled themselves and Tauriel smiled down at her.

“Thank you so much for everything.” Vanessa jumped in first, smiling genuinely as Tauriel waved away the thanks. "Kili told me where you were going. You will be careful?”

“Of course,” Tauriel said. “We are just going to take a look and report back to my lord Thranduil. Well, Legolas will report back. I am banished.”

“You're what?”

“Banished.” Tauriel smiled weakly. "It’s fine. I'll be fine. My lord Thranduil may yet change his mind and if not...then the world is a big place, full of wonderous places." She shrugged, looked sad. "I’ll find my way.”

Vanessa reached out and took the elf's hand in hers. “I’m sorry. This is because of us?”

Tauriel shrugged again. “I disobeyed an order, but it needed to be disobeyed.” She looked at Kili laughing with Fili and Bofur at the waters edge and Vanessa followed her gaze.

Tauriel turned back at her and smiled again. “But that’s not what I wanted to talk with you about. Kili asked me to take a look at you before I go. He told me..." Her eyes flickered down. "That you were in a lot of pain.” 

“I’ll be fine, you’ve done more than enough for us already. You’ll need your strength, and I think the sleep helped.”

It was only a partial lie, Vanessa thought. She'd lain quietly with her eyes closed, feigning sleep as Fili's breathing evened out, his hand still loosely holding hers. Not wanting to move she'd lain against the warmth of his chest, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat until Legolas had come to wake them.

Too worried and heartsick to properly relax, fearful of the nightmares that she knew awaited her.

It was an indication of how exhausted Fili and Kili were that neither of them had noticed. Kili had collapsed on to the sand beside them shortly after Fili had fallen fast asleep. He'd thrown a blanket and then an arm over both of them and curled himself in tight to her back with a little sigh and a kiss pressed into her hair. His breathing had slowed and softened within moments.

Tauriel raised her eyebrows. “If you’re sure. I’ve restocked Oin’s supplies so make sure to ask him if the pain gets too much.”

She took a waterskin from her belt. “There’s a tincture in here, it will help. Drink it all today.” As she set it down on the rock between them she hesitated, and then wrapped her arms tightly around Vanessa. “I am sorry, I am so sorry for you both.”

I’ll run out of tears eventually, thought Vanessa as she waved Tauriel goodbye and walked down to join the others by the boat. Slipping her hand into Kili's she smiled up at him, he glanced back towards the woods and leant down, placing a light kiss on her forehead.

* * *

Bofur was still laughing heartily as they rowed out on to the lake and headed for the north shore.

“I will throw you overboard.”

“Sorry, Prince Fili.” Bofur doffed his hat, bowing theatrically and almost overbalancing himself from his position standing in the bow. “My apologies, Prince Fili.”

“That’s enough of that too.” Fili settled carefully back on the bench and grinned at Vanessa beside him.

“I think you're a bit of a hero now." She smiled back at him as Kili snorted with laughter behind them.

“I’ll throw you overboard too, brother. Don't think I won't.”

“You're running out of rowers very quickly," said Oin. “For what it's worth I thought Sigrid’s concern for you was very touching. You'll maybe get yourself another dinner invitation when this is all over.”

Vanessa laughed along with the others as Fili ducked his head to hide his face, the tips of his ears turning pink.

* * *

The boat fell quiet as they reached the mouth of the River Running and looked towards Erebor. The mountain framed against the grey afternoon sky. So close now.

“We can try taking the boat up a bit, save us a bit of a walk," Bofur said, breaking the silence as they held the boat steady alongside the Company's abandoned barge. "The current’s not too strong I think. Can you manage, Kili?”

“I'm fine.” Kili leant into his oar, starting to turn the boat to face the river mouth.

“Course you are, just you let us know if you’re not, lad.” Bofur exchanged a look with Oin.

“I saw that,” said Kili, “and I’m fine.”

Vanessa looked up the river towards the mountain, feeling the creeping dread again. Between their knees Fili took her hand and gave her fingers a squeeze, turned to her with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

She'd overheard, eavesdropped on really if she was being completely honest, Fili as he talked earnestly with Legolas about his concerns that others would be drawn to the mountain. Legolas had shared Fili's worries and promised to visit Erebor and update them on his way back from Gundabad to Mirkwood.

Vanessa squeezed Fili's fingers back tightly, knowing he was thinking the same dark thoughts as she whilst he stared up the valley. I’ve ruined his first proper look at his home for him, she thought sadly.

She wondered vaguely how Thorin was going to react to this fledgling alliance between Fili and Legolas. Which led her into worrying about how Thorin was going to react to seeing her again. She hoped with all her heart he and the others were still alive, an angry Thorin had to be better than none at all.

Fili gently pulled her other hand away from her mouth and placed his lips to her ear. “Stop. You’ll have no fingers left. One thing at a time. Let’s find out what has happened up there first.”

She nodded and leaned back lightly against Kili's leg as he stood on the bench behind them, bent over his oar as they worked hard against the current.

He smiled down at her and winked. “It’ll be all right, don't worry. They'll be fine.”

Securing the boat when the current became too strong they shouldered their packs and began to walk up the river.

* * *

“That looks decent.”

Oin nodded in agreement as Bofur pointed to a sheltered spot tucked under the rockface, out of the path of the icy wind howling down the valley.

Fili opened his mouth and Oin held up a hand. “No. That’s far enough for today. For both of you.”

Kili rolled his eyes, an arm securely around Fili’s waist.

“And I'll be having no lip from you either. I can see you limping. I may be old and a bit deaf but one thing I'm not is blind. Ness, can you help Bofur gather some wood and get a fire started?”

“Come on then, lass.” Bofur dumped his packs. “Let’s check at the river first, we can refill the skins too.”

She nodded and followed him.

* * *

“I think it's going to rain." Bofur glanced at the sky and threw another log onto the growing pile between them. "But that's enough small talk, how are you doing?” 

“I’m fine, Bofur.”

“Of course. Another one who’s fine. Everyone is fine. How are you doing really? You can tell me.”

“I’m scared.” Vanessa poked a piece of damp wood with her fingernails. “I’m really scared what we're going to find up there. And I’m scared about Azog appearing again. What if he’s here somewhere waiting on us? Watching us right now?

"Or what if Thorin doesn’t let me in? And what happens then, if everything is finished and Thorin is king what happens to me, Bofur? Where do I go?” She smiled at him as he stared at her. “You did ask.”

“That I did.” Bofur lifted another piece of wood and rejected it. He peered up cautiously at the valley walls towering above them, their tops shrouded in mist. “Truth be told I’d forgotten about Azog, isn’t that strange? With all that’s happened, Kili being ill, the dragon, Fili, and then last night. Just knocked it all clean out of my head.

"Listen, we'll deal with whatever has happened up there. And with whatever may come. The main thing, I think, is that we're finally going to the mountain and we've still got both lads. And Fili is still Fili. I was worried for a bit, lass.”

“I promise it wasn’t-”

“I know what you said. And I know you believe it. I just can't get my head around it. But I’ve been watching and I’m happy that it’s him. Tired and battered, but still him. As for the rest, I suppose we'll figure it out as we go. And we’ll not abandon you. Witch or not.”

“I’m not a-” She stopped and smiled as he grinned at her.

He held out his arms. “Pile it on, this should do for tonight.”

They made their way back to the little camp as the first drops of cold rain began to fall, their arms full of wood. Fili looked up at their approach, pushing Oin away.

Vanessa and Bofur stopped and looked away to give him a little privacy as he hurridly dressed, his shirt sliding over the dark bruising that wrapped around him from shoulder to waist. As he finished tidying himself up, flushing red underneath the matching bruises on his face, his movements stiff and pained, Vanessa frowned. 

“Aye." Bofur whistled under his breath. “Definitely battered, poor lad. But alive. Bruises heal.”

* * *

Fili smiled ruefully at the others across the fire as Kili knelt behind him, tutting. He winced as Kili caught another knot. “Easy with my head, little brother.”

“Sorry, Fee, I’ll just do a little bit for you for now. It’s a mess.” Kili abandoned the comb and started to ease his fingers gently into the tangles. “It'll take me a few goes to get you presentable, I think. How long do we have before we reach the gate, Oin?”

“I think we'll have one more camp and then we’ll be close to Dale. All being well. It’s a long enough walk. But once we're that far it’s no distance at all to the gate.” Oin picked the last bits of meat from the rabbits to set aside for breakfast.

“Where did you run from, Ness?” asked Bofur.

“The overlook.” She pointed on up the valley. “We can’t see it yet.”

“That’s quite a distance to Lake-town.” Fili looked sideways at her, keeping his head still.

Vanessa shrugged as they all looked at her. “It’s all downhill, and I felt Thorin might send someone down the ridge to cut me off so that was quite motivating. The hardest bit was around the lake, that felt like forever.” She curled tighter into her blanket by the fire as she finished speaking, feeling crampy and cold and very sorry for herself.

“You're very pale, lass.” Oin looked up from his work and across the fire at her, concern in his voice.

“Just a little tired, thank you.”

“Come here.” Fili reached a hand towards her and she crawled over to him with her blanket. “You’re shivering.” He draped another blanket around her and eased her down into his lap. Hushing her when she protested about hurting him as he settled her head against his thigh. “Close your eyes and rest, I’ll keep you warm.”

She closed her eyes, feeling the heat of the fire on her face and the warmth of his body at her back as he gently stroked her hair. Despite herself she felt sleep creeping over her as she listened to Oin telling tales of the wonders of Erebor, his voice mixing with the sound of the rain as it pattered outside their little shelter. 

* * *

“Kili?”

“Ness.” He looked up at her and smiled. “Do you want me to show you again how to do this? I’m nearly finished this one but I’ll show you the next.” He continued to work the skin off the rabbit.

Vanessa sat down cross legged on the ground beside him and watched.

I’ll never get used to this, she thought, never.

She shook her head. “Kili, did you tell anyone?”

He set the rabbit down and dipped his hands in the river, wiping each finger slowly on a rag before turning to her again. "I had to. You’re so pale and I was worried, but you told me that you were fine. And Fee was worried too, so I had to tell him. He bullied it out of me really, if I’m being completely honest.”

“Anyone else?”

He shifted a little before quickly looking her in the eye again. “As it happens Fee doesn’t know anything about that sort of thing so we thought we should speak to Oin.”

Lifting his knife he fiddled with it as he avoided her eyes. “But then it’s not really Oin's area of expertise, so we thought since Bofur has a sister he might know something.” He dropped the knife and reached out, taking her hand in both of his. “He doesn't. They're all completely useless. But don’t be angry with me, I just wanted to help. How did you know?”

“The fussing gave it away. I had to wrestle my pack from Oin earlier and I can’t even help with the firewood. I’ve been relegated to ‘sit and keep Fili company’ duties.”

“That's important work too, Ness. Fili isn't good at sitting still. He gets bored and then he's gets all ratty.” Kili grinned at her and she smiled back despite herself. “Are you angry with me?”

“No." Vanessa let him pull her closer and kiss her. “Not really. Embarrassed mainly. Sad.”

“Don’t be. Embarrassed I mean, you can be sad. Of course you can be sad." He touched a finger to the rope burn on her neck, frowning slightly as he looked at it. "I’m sad too.”

Noticing her watching him he smiled brightly. It didn't come close to reaching his eyes. "I think I need to start looking after you a bit better, my Ness.”

Vanessa looked into his worried face and leaned in to kiss him, desperately needing to take the sadness away, if only for a moment. He returned the kiss gently, almost chastely. His fingertips feather light as they brushed along her neck, like she was some fragile, broken thing.

It wasn't enough. 

Pressing her lips to his again she deepened the kiss, parting his lips insistently as she climbed into his lap and straddled him. Fingers wrapped tight in his hair, she smiled as she felt him respond to her, his hands tightening on her waist. With a deep moan he released her slowly and she returned to her seat and smiled at him. 

“Right.” He straightened his clothes and fussed about for a while, looking a little flustered but definitely happier. 

Much better, she thought as he smiled a genuine smile at her from under his hair.

His face flushed as he shot an embarrassed sideways glance across the valley floor toward the others. Lifting the knife he flipped it, handing it to her hilt first. “For doing that to me, you are definitely having a go at this bunny.”

* * *

“I still can’t believe some people in your world don’t know how to skin a rabbit.” Bofur laughed as he poked the fire. “You were green by the time you had finished.”

Kili grinned at her, she stretched a leg out and kicked him lightly.

“That wasn’t very fair of you,” Fili said disapprovingly. He turned his head to face her and reached out from his spot stretched out by the fire to pat her leg. “Are you feeling any better?”

Vanessa pulled a blade of grass and concentrated on winding it around her finger before looking around at their concerned faces. She smiled at them. “I know Kili has told you all. But I’m fine so please all of you stop worrying. I’m not in too much pain. I just feel a bit sad and a little tired.”

Kili scooted over and touched his forehead to hers. She smiled at him as he wrapped an arm around her and tucked her snugly into his chest, pressing his lips into her hair.

“You’re both young, lass, there'll be others I’m sure,” said Oin gently. “It just wasn’t the right time.”

“Hush you." Bofur nudged Oin with his foot.

Vanessa blinked her suddenly wet eyes and slipped her fingers into Kili's as Bofur smiled kindly at her.

“Anyway. Back to those rabbits. Explain again about the markets in your world, Ness? I just can’t get my head around it.”

* * *

Daylight was fading and the temperature dropping sharply as they reached the outer walls of Dale, the ruined city tucked defensively into a meandering curve in the river. They crossed to the nearest open gate in the outer wall.

“Fili.”

They all halted as Oin held up a hand to stop Fili's protestations. “We will head through the city at dawn. We’re as anxious as you to get there. I promise you that we will go as soon as the sun is up. You know I’m right on this, lad. Don't pull rank on me."

They glared at each other. 

"We are not going up there in the dark and that's final.”

Fili's lips pressed together in a thin line and he looked mulishly toward the mountain. Vanessa reached out and took his hand as the others left them to follow Bofur through the gateway.

Heavy and immovable, he squeezed her fingers as she smiled and tugged at him. Silently refusing to move until Kili shouted at them again from beyond the wall, a yelled command to hurry up before they all froze.

With a sigh and a final long grumble in Khuzdul, he let her tow him on slowly, looking back over his shoulder towards Erebor's gate until it was hidden from view behind the houses.

* * *

Vanessa helped Fili lower himself down in the corner of the ruined house Bofur had chosen.

He smiled his thanks and leaned his head back against the wall. “I’m sorry, Oin. I know your family is up there too. You too, Bofur.”

“No need for apologies, lad. At least we'll have a bit of shelter tonight anyway,” said Bofur with forced cheer, emptying out his pack and throwing Fili a blanket. “Get this damp cold out of our bones. Where’s the other one wandered off to, Ness?”

“I’ll go find him.”

“See if you can't find some more stuff for burning too while you’re at it.”

Vanessa stepped out through the broken doorway and onto the wide cobbled street. She toed the grass poking up between the uneven stones and looked around, listening carefully for Kili but heading nothing above the sound of the wind. Poking cautiously through the nearby houses she threw a few bits of wood into the street, making her way house by house up into the silent city.

It must have been beautiful once, she thought, as she stopped by an old stone fountain and nudged a blackened bit of stoneware with her foot.

“I wondered what sort of creature was banging about and making all the noise. Did you miss me?”

She looked up at Kili, smiling at her as he hung his upper body out a nearby window.

“Come on up, the stairs are just inside.”

Inside the dark house she tested her weight on the first stair. It creaked alarmingly, the wooden tread swollen and crumbling.

Kili looked down at her from the floor above and laughed. “It’s safe, if I got up it you can.” He helped her up the last step and pushed her up the next set, leading her carefully across the broken floorboards to a gap in the wall, snowflakes drifting through it.

“I just wanted to have a bit of a closer look," he said.

Vanessa looked out across the city rooftops and on, out to the huge entrance gates of Erebor, framed against the darkening sky. She shivered.

Kili wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned his chin on her shoulder. "It is a bit cold here, we'll not stay long.”

It’s not that, Vanessa thought, feeling icy dread creeping over her. She looked at the silent mountain, the two familiar ridges spreading out from it’s flanks and wrapping around Dale. She recognised the overlook and further up, high in the ridge through the gloom and the mist she could just make out dark structures against the black rock. Her skin crawled.

Kili tightened his arms around her. "I thought they might have had torches lit.”

Vanessa turned in his arms and looked at him properly. “Oh, Kili, no. We don’t know anything yet. Not for certain.” She hugged him to her tightly. “Maybe they don’t want to for some reason, or they'll light them later. It’s not properly dark yet. I don’t know, but don’t give up hope.”

He sighed heavily into her hair and kissed her head. “My Ness.”

They stood together as the sky darkened and the stars came out and watched the silent gate.

* * *

Gathering Vanessa's trail of wood they wandered hand in hand through the fully dark streets back towards the house.

A cold wind had picked up, dust mixed with snowflakes blowing through the deserted alleyways. Kili stopped and shifted the firewood under one arm to pull her hood further over her head, kissing the tip of her cold nose and smiling down at her.

“I was about to go looking for you myself," Bofur scolded from the doorway as they approached. “Did you not hear Oin calling you? And you worried your brother. Is that all the wood you have?”

He held up a hand as Kili opened his mouth. “No. I don’t even want to know. Don’t tell me. Just get in here.”


	39. Welcome to the Kingdom of Erebor!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Erebor.

They stood in silence in front of the shattered gate.

Vanessa stared up at the imposing walls rising above them, no noise drifted out from inside, and most tellingly no-one guarded the entrance. She felt her heart sink to her boots. At her side Bofur sighed sadly and she reached out and took his hand, looking up at him. He smiled down at her gratefully and squeezed her fingers.

Ahead of them Fili turned and took a deep breath, his face pale. “Are we ready?”

* * *

“Hello!” yelled Bofur once they had picked their way through the rubble at the gate and on through into the gatehouse.

They followed Fili as he made his wall through the lofty entrance hall and into Erebor proper, Kili at his back.

Fili stopped at a wide stone ledge and they joined him. 

“Bombur? Bifur? Anybody?” Bofur’s voice echoed before being swallowed up in the vast, dark spaces ahead of them.

Silence.

Kili slipped his hand into Vanessa's. She looked out and down into the depths of the mountain. Narrow stone walkways spread in all directions, disappearing into darkness.

“It’s huge," she whispered. “Where do we start?”

“Hello?” Bofur tried again. He ran on to a walkway and started heading down, they followed him.

“Wait!” a familiar voice called desperately from close by. “Wait!”

They stopped and looked around, Bilbo appeared out of the dark, running down a set of stairs nearby. He rushed along an adjoining walkway to meet them.

“It’s Bilbo!” Bofur turned to Fili joyfully. “He’s alive. You're alive Bilbo!” He raced to meet the hobbit and swept him up into a hug.

“Where are the others?” Fili asked when they'd caught up with Bofur. “Is everyone-”

“Yes, yes.” Bilbo extracted himself and ran across to take a firm hold of Fili’s arm. “Everyone's fine. Fili, what happened?” Bilbo reached up and touched the bruising on Fili’s face gently. “Never mind that right now, you can tell me everything later. Now, you need to go.”

He looked urgently around the group. “We all need to leave. Right now.”

“But, we only just got here?” Bofur said slowly.

“I tried talking to him, but he won’t listen.” Bilbo took Fili’s other arm. "Thorin, Fili. It's Thorin. He’s been down there for days. He won't sleep, he barely eats. He’s not himself. It’s this place, I think a sickness lies upon it.”

“A sickness?” Kili asked Bilbo as Fili looked over the hobbit’s shoulder and pulled himself free.

Bilbo tried to grab him again but Fili shook him off and walked along to the next set of steps down, starting to run.

“Fili? Fili!” Bilbo called. “Come back.”

Kili dropped Vanessa's hand and ran after Fili. Bilbo followed, calling to them. Vanessa looked at Oin and Bofur.

Bofur shrugged and took her hand. “Come on then. Careful on the steps.”

They caught up with Fili and Kili several long staircases down. Vanessa gasped as the darkness slowly retreated, replaced by a gentle golden glow. They looked out across an enormous cavern of sparkling gold.

She stared in open mouthed wonder. Piles of treasure obscured every surface, the floor glittered. She couldn’t tell if this had once been a great hall or a series of rooms bashed together by Smaug. Walkways and balconies suspended delicately far above their heads, some of them missing sections, and beyond that, almost out of sight in the darkness, there was glimpses of a great vaulted ceiling.

A movement caught her eye and she spotted Thorin walking through the stacks. Slipping out of sight behind Kili, she smiled back at him as he looked over his shoulder and reached back to take her hand.

His eyes shone with happiness and relief. “He’s alive, Ness.”

Thorin looked up at them and smiled. He spread his arms wide. “Behold, the great treasure hoard of Thror!” He swept up a huge jewel and threw it to Fili, who caught it easily. Vanessa stared at the enormous stone in Fili’s hands, entranced, jumping when Thorin called out.

“Welcome, my sister's sons. Welcome to the Kingdom of Erebor!”

Fili lobbed the jewel at Kili and grinned at them, transformed suddenly back to his light and happy self. Turning away he raced down the last flights of steps, running flat out to Thorin who held out his arms to receive him.

Ahead of her she felt Kili take a breath and hold himself straighter.

“Go Kili." She stood on tiptoe and whispered in his ear, he turned and shook his head. “Go. I’m fine. Go to your uncle.”

He smiled and kissed her and handing her the jewel ran full tilt down the stairs. She sighed happily as Thorin gathered both of them in his arms before it suddenly occurred to here that she was standing in full view, and holding something very, very expensive.

She slid backward into the shadows and set the jewel carefully to one side.

“Good plan, lass,” said Bofur. “Let’s leave them to it. Lead the way, Bilbo.”

* * *

Vanessa hung back in the deep shadows of the passageway and smiled at the shouts of joy as the Company were noisily reunited with Bofur and Oin. Looking back in the direction of the great hall she saw Fili and Kili hurrying along towards her. Kili practically bouncing with happiness.

“Ness, what are you doing out here?” Kili took her hand grinning widely.

“Hiding, I'd guess.” Fili smiled. “Come on.”

He walked in with arms raised to merry cheers from the Company. They listened as his voice raised above the others, crowing happily. Kili laughed and gave her hand a tug.

She shook her head. “I think I'll stay out here a bit.”

“Well then, I’ll stay too.” He touched her face. “There’s plenty of time if you're not feeling up to it right now. Should we go for a walk?”

“Kili!” Dwalin appeared in the doorway and swept Kili up, lifting him off his feet, Vanessa dropped his hand so he could hang on to Dwalin's shoulders. “It’s good to see you, lad, let me have a look at you.” He spun Kili around like he weighed no more than a child, Kili yelling happily.

Ori popped his head round the doorway. "Ness!” he exclaimed. “There you are. Fili said you were hiding out here.” He took her hand and dragged her into a hug and then on into the room. ”Come on. Don't be scared, it's only us.”

Nori pulled her away and grabbed her into a hug as soon as she stepped into the room and then everyone was hugging and talking excitedly at once.

A heavy hand on her shoulder spun her around. She stared up into Dwalin’s eyes.

“You," he said, “I half expected never to set eyes on you again. What have you done to yourself now?”

She touched her neck self consciously.

Dwalin pulled her into a tight hug. “Never mind. I’m glad you’ve managed to stay alive, lass.”

“Right! Right everyone!” Balin climbed on the table and shouted, waving his arms and stamping. They all stopped and stared at him. He climbed down. “I think I need to hear properly what happened down in Lake-town.” 

Swiping roughly at his eyes he sat down at the bench. “I’m glad to see you all again. We had feared the worst. Come on, sit down everyone.” He pulled Fili down beside him and stroked Fili's face in wonder, touched their foreheads together gently. “I didn’t dare to hope that I’d ever see you again, my lad. You have made an old dwarf very, very happy. Tell me everything.”

“You first, Balin.” Fili smiled. “You found the door in time?”

Kili pushed Vanessa onto the bench beside Fili and sat down beside her, winding an arm around her waist and tucking her tightly against his shoulder. The rest of the Company sat down, all tightly packed together.

Balin nodded. “Yes, we found the door, and in time too. And we just could not work out how to open the thing before the sun went down. We tried to break it down, didn’t we lads?”

The others nodded in agreement.

“And Nori had a go and nothing. The last rays of sunlight disappeared and that was that. Or so we thought!”

Dwalin threw a heavy arm around Bilbo as Balin continued, “But we hadn’t accounted for the stubbornness and tenacity of hobbits! So. As we were climbing down, completely disheartened, we were surprised to hear a little voice calling out far above us. Calling us back, you tell them, Bilbo.”

Bilbo cleared his throat as everyone looked at him. “Well. I just felt that we were missing something. You remember that the hidden moon runes on the map said to stand by the grey stone when the thrush knocks."

Vanessa had no idea what they were talking about. She glanced up at Kili, listening intently to Bilbo. 

"I was standing looking at this huge wall and trying to think when I heard a little tapping noise and there was ap thrush trying to break open a snail shell against a rock. Knocking. And it all just fell into place, the last light of Durin’s day wasn’t the sunset, it was the light of the moon. A riddle! And as the moonlight shone on the door the keyhole appeared. So I shouted and shouted and Thorin arrived back.”

“Lads.” Balin turned with wet eyes to look at Fili and Kili. “I’m sorry you missed it, it was a glorious moment. Thorin opened the door and we took our first steps into Erebor in so many years.”

“Well, we can go and see it later.” Fili turned to Kili, who nodded. “I'd like to see it.”

“I'm sorry, my lads, but it’s gone. Destroyed. The dragon came looking for our entrance, we managed to close the door but the tunnel itself collapsed. It sounded like Smaug destroyed that face entirely in his rage.”

Balin looked sad as Fili’s face fell. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn't matter.” Fili patted Balin's hand. “It was only a tunnel after all. Never mind, so what happened next?”

“Well, we left the door propped open just in case, which in hindsight may have been a mistake. We think the disturbance in air may have played a part in awakening the dragon.” Balin stared into the distance for a moment. “Lost myself there. Where was I? Yes, and so we crept on down the tunnels a little bit. And Bilbo and I went on ahead so that I could show him the way to the Great Hall where we suspected Smaug had his lair. Bilbo?”

Bilbo cleared his throat again. "Balin told me where to go and wished me luck. I did appreciate you coming with me by the way.”

Balin smiled at him.

“So I said I would go down and just take a little look and I crept along as quiet as I could and the passage took me to the side of the hall, where you met Thorin today.” Bilbo took a breath. “It was all a bit overwhelming to be honest, all those mounds of treasure and I had to look for one white jewel.” He laughed.

“One?” asked Vanessa, forgetting herself.

“Yes, the Arkenstone. That’s the one Thorin is looking for now.”

Vanessa thought back to the mounds of treasure. “But that could take years.” She looked around the table.

“It’ll take as long as it takes,” said Gloin. “That's the kings jewel. Thorin needs it to unite the dwarves. So we’ll find it.”

“But it could be anywhere surely?”

“Thror dropped it in the hall when Smaug attacked, it’s in there somewhere.” Dwalin nodded. “We'll find it.”

“But there's a lot of jewels.”

“Not like this one. You’ll know it when you see it.” Balin nodded to them all. “It'll turn up soon I’m sure.”

The Company, excepting Bilbo and the new arrivals, nodded along in agreement.

“Is that what you’ve been doing?” asked Kili. “Since the dragon fell, you’ve been searching through the treasure?”

“Well. Yes,” said Balin. “Of course. There's a lot of ground to cover.”

“But the gate,” said Fili, sounding confused. “The gate is unguarded. And there’s a huge hole in it.”

Balin shrugged. “The Arkenstone is the priority, it must be found. Everything else can wait, for now.”

Fili shook his head and exchanged a glance with Kili. “Sorry, Bilbo, please carry on.”

“It’s fine, Fili. Well, I had a bit of a poke about and sort of made my way out into the hall. And then as I was standing looking at, something. I can’t remember what now, a trinkle of coins ran past me and I looked up and Smaug was looking straight back at me.”

A murmur around the table and Bilbo nodded. “It frightened me, I don’t mind admitting it. I tried to sneak away and he slowly rose out of the treasure piles. Well, you can imagine, I’m sure you saw him!”

“We did.” Bofur shuddered. “Some of us a bit closer than others. Carry on.”

“And then he spoke to me!” Bilbo looked at Balin accusingly. "No-one ever once said that dragons could talk.”

“But surely everyone knows dragons can talk?” said Ori. “You're not supposed to talk to them, Bilbo, they are very magical.”

“Nobody told me,” said Bilbo.

Vanessa smiled down at her hands and felt Kili give her waist a squeeze as Bilbo continued. 

"I do feel like someone should have at least mentioned it. He gave me quite a fright.”

“How did you get away?” asked Oin.

“Well, we spoke and I just kept sort of sidling away and he kept cutting me off. I think he was playing with me. And then I annoyed him and had to run for it. I still don’t know how I’m alive to be honest.” He smiled at Vanessa. “I did get a bit singed.”

“We heard Smaug roaring from outside the door.” Dwalin explained. “We ran towards the hall, hoping against hope that Bilbo was still alive. Found him scurrying back towards us.”

Balin smiled. “We were so relieved to see our burglar safe and well. But we could hear Smaug in a fury so we made a plan to run for the western guard room. We thought that there may have been a way out. Incidentally, don’t go up there, lads." He patted Fili’s arm. “Some of our people are up there. We need to assign a space in the tombs for them and bury them properly.”

The Company bowed their heads.

After a few moments Balin cleared his throat. “We thought that was it for us, I certainly did."

Vanessa looked around the table at the nodding heads.

“But Thorin had a brave plan and it worked. I still can’t believe it worked, and we didn’t lose anyone. We made for the forges and lit them.”

“How?” Fili sounded incredulous.

“Thorin used Smaug, it was incredible. So the dragon lit the forges for us and then when he broke through we were ready for him.”

“Nearly ready.” Dwalin interjected.

“We were ready." Balin corrected him, wagging his finger at his brother. “If you are referring to my flash flame I was precisely on time. So when Smaug broke through we hit him with everything we had.”

“Flash flame?” asked Vanessa.

“Yes, just a few bits and pieces mixed together in a corked pot. On impact it makes a flash of fire.”

“It hurt the dragon?” Vanessa looked at Balin hopefully. “Can you carry it? I mean, is it stable enough to carry?"

“What? No I don’t think it hurt Smaug but it certainly annoyed him, and I don’t know why you would want to carry it, you could do yourself some serious damage.” Balin looked at her curiously. “Where was I? Oh yes. Thorin’s plan was that we lead the dragon to the Gallery of Kings and we managed it and then we poured molten gold on him. The floor in there is a lake of gold now, it’s something to see.”

“It was a good plan,” said Dwalin.

“It was,” agreed Balin. “A brave plan but unfortunately the beast survived and he broke through the wall and destroyed the side of the mountain blocking our exit through the secret door. Then he headed for Lake-town swearing vengeance.”

“So you knew Smaug was coming to Lake-town?” Bofur asked.

“What could we have done?” said Balin sadly. “We were too far away to help. So we watched. We left the mountain and we bore witness to Smaug’s terrible rage. We could scarcely believe it when he fell and the mountain was ours. We had been sure that the dragon would return for us. We wept with grief for you all, sure we would not see you again in this world.”

“But you didn't come for us?” Oin said, anger in his voice. “You didn’t think to send anyone to check for survivors, to offer help? Balin. Lake-town has been completely destroyed. It is freezing down in the valley and they have nothing.”

Balin bowed his head before he responded to a furious Oin. “We returned to the mountain and began our search for the Arkenstone. We have done little else since Smaug fell.”

“It is done, Oin.” Fili held up a hand as Oin opened his mouth. “We cannot change it now.” He turned to Balin. “The survivors of Lake-town should be on their way here, that was their intention when we left them. I will speak to Thorin about arranging help for them.”

Vanessa didn’t catch what Kili said but Fili turned to him with a rare flash of anger.

“I said you would follow my lead. I gave my word. I do not ask much from you, but I’m asking you now to let this go.”

Kili dropped his eyes first.

Vanessa reached under the table and took his hand in hers. He stroked her knuckles and gave her the ghost of a smile.

“We're sorry we didn’t come and find you, Fili,” Bilbo said. “We, well, things just got away from us here. We should have come.”

“What happened down there?” Dwalin looked across at Kili. “Last time we saw you, you didn’t look well, lad.”

“I don’t remember much to be honest. Of before the dragon came I mean,” said Kili with a shrug. “I can’t work out what I dreamt and what as real. I think I remember Thorin telling me I couldn’t come with you and then it’s just, fragments.”

“The arrowhead was poisoned,” Oin explained. “I think we would have lost him had Tauriel not arrived in time.”

“The elf captain?” Dwalin raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, she arrived as the orcs did. With Legolas, the Elvenking's son”

“Sorry, you’ve completely lost me," said Balin.

Fili took over, explaining how they'd sought refuge in Bard's house, glossing over their rejection by the Master and the town. And how Ness had joined them.

“How did you get back to Lake-town, Ness?” asked Nori. “I was going to go after you but...well, I couldn't be spared. We were worried.”

“You're a fool,” added Dwalin. "You could've broken your neck, and everything else. You did hear about her throwing herself off a cliff?”

“I didn’t realise it was actually a cliff until we saw it properly yesterday," said Fili, looking at Vanessa sharply. “You underplayed it a little.”

She picked at the edge of the table with a fingernail and avoided looking at Fili. “It was a bit steeper than I’d thought, but there was no other way.” Vanessa glanced up at Kili and he kissed her forehead lightly.

She smiled at him and turned back to Nori. “I ran back along the lake. It wasn’t nice. I don’t recommend it.”

“We were glad to see you though." Fili continued, giving her a little nudge and a small smile. “After Ness arrived I sent Bard and his family away, just in case, and I was glad I did when we heard the dragon. I really thought more people would have left, I still don’t understand it.”

“We couldn’t move Kili,” explained Bofur to the table. “So we stayed on. Sorry, Fili, you tell it.”

“Thank you, Bofur. So then the orcs who had followed us from Mirkwood arrived and attacked the house. I think we would have been in real trouble if the elves hadn’t arrived. Both Tauriel and Prince Legolas helped us. He then left to chase the survivors, but Tauriel stayed and healed Kili.” Fili smiled at his brother. “We owe her our lives. She had followed us after she found out that the arrow was poisoned.”

“She did?” asked Kili.

Fili nodded. “Yes, and she’s been banished by King Thranduil for it.”

“That was why?” asked Vanessa.

Kili turned to her, looking stunned

She shrugged at him. “Tauriel mentioned she was banished for disobeying an order, she didn’t say what it was.”

“Well that’s a turn up for the books,” said Balin, “saved by an elf, Kili. What happened next, Fili?”

“Ness and I had decided to go urge the Master to evacuate the town when we saw the flames on the mountain coming closer and knew we had ran out of time. So then-”

“Then Fili left us,” interrupted Kili. "Bard had a black arrow so Fili took it and decided to fight Smaug on his own.”

The table turned open mouthed to look at Fili.

"You'd all have done the same.”

“No chance," laughed Bofur.

“Don’t believe him." Vanessa told the table. “Bofur was following you, Fili, only Tauriel wouldn't let him go.”

Fili held an arm out across the table to Bofur, smiling. They clasped forearms, Bofur with a shrug and a grin. “A moment of madness, Fili.”

“As we rowed away we could see you climbing the windlance tower. We saw you hit Smaug.”

“You didn’t see the time I missed him then, little brother?”

“I’m not laughing, Fee. I was furious. I still am. Then as we reached the town limits Ness decided it was her turn to play the hero." Kili lowered his voice. "You didn’t say goodbye to me. You didn’t so much as turn to look at me.”

“I didn’t really think, I just knew I had to try. And I knew you'd stop me.” Vanessa looked up at him, his face dark as he glared back at her.

“I couldn’t believe it when Ness ran into the square,” Fili said, “she was shouting something."

“I was trying to tell you that the dragon was coming for you.”

“Oh, thanks. And then Smaug was right in front of me and I thought that was it but Ness distracted him. What did you throw at him?”

Vanessa smiled at him. “A pot, I didn't even clip him.”

“You're a fool. I feel like I don't tell you that enough. Then I took my shot with the black arrow but I missed and he destroyed the tower.”

“Smaug destroyed the tower?” asked Nori.

Fili nodded. “Yes, from under me. That hurt quite a bit but luckily I fell near the black arrow and I was able to crawl over and get it. Did you see me, Ness?”

“I thought I saw movement so I tried to sort of lure Smaug away a bit, it didn’t really work very well.”

“It did,” smiled Fili. “Smaug was so focused on you that he didn’t notice me until I buried the black arrow in his breast. After that, I remember little.”

“Fili.” Balin looked shocked. “You killed the dragon?”

“I couldn’t have done it without Ness.”

“I’m not entirely sure that’s true.” Vanessa smiled as Fili nudged her, grinning.

She heard Kili mutter something angrily beside them.

“So what happened?” Ori prompted, journal in hand. “Smaug talked to you?”

“Oh yes, and I’m with Bilbo here. I did not know dragons could talk. We had a bit of a chat and then he decided to eat me. But thankfully that was when Fili put an end to him.” She felt herself pale as she remembered. “The sound was terrible, and he flung you, Fili. Right across the square, I was sure you were dead. Then he remembered me and I had to jump in the water to get away and I heard him roaring. When I climbed out I thought he'd be waiting for me but he was already flying upward screaming. I can still hear it.”

“We saw that. We knew then at least one of you was alive,” said Oin. “Kili never gave up hope, did you, lad?”

“I did,” Kili said quietly, “when the dragon fell I gave up hope.”

Fili turned and reached for his brother pulling him into a hug, Vanessa crushed between them as Fili planted a hard kiss on Kili’s head.

“I love you, little brother. I’m so sorry I frightened you.”

“Did Smaug fall near you, Ness?” asked Bilbo. "We saw him climbing."

“Yes, very near. I’d got back to Fili and was trying to wake him when I noticed the noise stop and I looked up and he seemed like he was directly above us. Then he fell and I thought that was it for us. So I just closed my eyes. I couldn't move you, Fili, there was nowhere we could go.”

“You should have gone.”

She stared at him and shook her head. “Anyway Smaug fell and there was an almighty crash and he missed us thankfully but he broke everything and we ended up in water so I swam to shore.”

“What?” said Balin.

“Well the town was on fire and I could never have got Fili out of the water anyway, not by myself, so we had to swim to shore.”

“She says we but she pulled me to shore. Somehow.” Fili wrapped an arm around Vanessa's shoulders and kissed her temple.

“Tauriel heard Ness calling and pulled them out of the water,” Oin said. "Then she was able to heal Fili thankfully.”

“So we owe the elf both our princes?” Dwalin sounded shocked.

Oin nodded. “Absolutely, what she did was well beyond my skills.” He made eye contact with Vanessa and nodded once.

“Prince Fili the dragon slayer," chuckled Balin. “Well, there we are.”

“What happened your neck, lass?” Dwalin leaned across the table.

Vanessa looked to Fili, not sure what he wanted her to say. 

“We had an altercation with the survivors.” Fili held up his hands for quiet. “Someone had heard or seen Ness speaking with the dragon and they decided that she was a threat. Well, to be honest they decided that she was a witch and they wanted to hang her.”

“They did hang her,” growled Kili. “They took her from my arms, they threatened to cut your throat and they put a rope around her neck. And they hung her. They made sure I could see.”

“Peace.” Fili put a hand on Kili’s arm as a ripple of anger went around the table. "I know and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Ness. Thankfully Tauriel, Legolas and Bard arrived back in time. Legolas calmed the situation down and they released us.”

“And yet you would offer these people shelter?” asked Balin.

“Yes.” Fili looked around the table. “We brought the dragon down on their heads. We did not deserve what they did, but we have to find a way to live together. They are our closest neighbours, we will need them. I trust Bard to lead them decently.”

“What is the meaning of this?” Thorin appeared in the doorway, furious. “I did not give any of you permission to stop. With me, now.” He turned and they listened as his heavy boots moved away.

“Right.” said Balin, standing. “Break time over. Back to work, lads.”


	40. You made a promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling in to Erebor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, 40 chapters in and just getting settled into our new home in Erebor. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this far, I really am absolutely loving writing this story and I hope you're enjoying it!

Reluctantly Vanessa trailed along the dark corridor at the back of the Company hand in hand with Kili. She tried again. “I really do think I should stay out of the way for a bit.”

Kili pulled her to a stop. “You and Fee killed a dragon. You pulled him from the flames all on your own and then you returned him to us.” He took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. “You returned my brother to me.”

She smiled at his confidence and he released her, taking her hand again and pulling her on.

“Thorin will not doubt you now. And if I’m going to have to trawl through mounds of gold looking for the Arkenstone then you, Ness, are going to keep me company and listen to me.”

* * *

“No.” Kili stood in front of her, gripping her hand in his and glaring at Thorin. “If Ness goes, I do.”

“Kili.” Bombur picked his way towards them across the gold. “Kili, I could do with some help with dinner. Maybe Ness would help me. Would you help me, Ness?”

She nodded. “Yes, yes of course. I’ll help.”

Kili turned to look at her.

“I’ll go help Bombur, it’s fine. And I'll see you later.” Vanessa leaned forward and pressed her lips to his quickly, hoping Thorin couldn’t see. She nodded at him. “It’s fine.”

As she slipped and slid across the gold to Bombur mouthing a fervant thank you she heard Thorin begin to speak in Khuzdul.

Bomfur smiled at her apologetically and held out an arm. “Never mind, he’ll come round. Let’s get out of here.”

* * *

Fili allowed a few hours of searching before he made his way across to his uncle. “Thorin,” he said as he carefully stepped around a pile of jewelled goblets.

Thorin showed no signs of having heard him. 

He tried again. “Uncle.”

“What is it, Fili?” Thorin lifted his head briefly.

“I need to speak with you.”

“We can talk later.” Thorin smiled at him warmly, reached out to touch his arm. “I promise. It is good to see you.”

Thorin turned away and Fili stood, dismissed and wrong footed. He followed and tried again. “Uncle Thorin, this can't wait.”

His boot skidded on some coins and he forgot himself, throwing an arm out for balance. Something tugged sharply deep in his chest and he cursed, giving himself a moment for the pain to ebb away.

“Uncle. Are you not even going to ask about what happened to us?”

Thorin stopped and turned back to face him, looking surprised.

Fili dropped his eyes, annoyed with himself for sounding like a petulant dwarfling, as Thorin stepped across the gold to him and patted his face fondly.

“You are returned to me, safe and well. That is all that matters. Swapping stories can wait. We have all the time in the world now that we are home. Isn’t it glorious?”

Fili followed Thorin's gaze around the hall. “Yes, of course it is. It is just as you said.”

He scrambled after Thorin again as his uncle moved away. “But we need to get ready, we really don’t have much time. The survivors of Lake-town are on their way, I expect they will be only a few days behind us. We'll need to get somewhere ready for them, and work out how we're getting the supplies to feed them. I’m assuming there's next to nothing here, and they won’t have much with them. I thought perhaps we could get a message to Dain?”

Fili paused as Thorin stopped and turned to face him.

He stepped forward again, thinking hard as he continued, “And we need to get the front gate repaired. I can take charge of that if you wish. And set a watch.”

“Why would the Lake-town people be coming here? And why would you think to host them in Erebor?” Thorin tilted his head, his face inscrutable.

Fili stared back, confused. “The town has been utterly destroyed. They have lost everything.”

“Do not tell me of what they have lost.” Thorin raised his voice.

There was a distinct change in background noise and Fili held himself straighter and squared his shoulders, aware of the Company starting to pay attention.

Thorin continued, “I know well enough of hardship, nephew. Those who have lived through dragon fire should rejoice. They have much to be grateful for.”

“Uncle.” Fili shook his head, tried again. “It’s freezing out in the valley and they have nothing. They are but men, they cannot survive hardship as we can. They have many wounded. There are woman and children. We have to help them. They are our neighbours and we have a responsibility to them. You made a promise to them of gold, but they cannot eat gold.”

“You have a soft heart, Fili. And that is no bad thing.”

Fili felt himself start to colour with humiliation as Thorin smiled at him indulgently. “Repairing the gate is a good idea and one I had overlooked until now. That was an oversight on my part.”

Thorin turned to the Company, all suddenly very busy, intently searching through the gold at their feet. “Dwalin. Dori. Gloin.” He waved them over. “Go with Fili and help him shore up the gate.”

As the three picked their way across, Thorin lowered his voice and leaned in close. “As to the Lake-town men, they can have Dale if they wish. It matters little to me. We will soon have Erebor re-established and the river will run with gold. Enough for everybody.”

Thorin laughed and finished so the Company could hear. “Men will fight to be our neighbours. Your lakemen should count themselves fortunate to be the first to arrive.”

Fili felt a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Come on lad, let’s go and have a look at this gate. You get back to work, Kili.” Dwalin pointed Kili back towards the hall as he tried to follow them. “And behave yourself.”

* * *

Vanessa poked through the supplies. “There’s not much here.”

Bombur nodded in agreement. “Short rations for now. There are huge storerooms through the back but I haven’t had a chance as yet to look through them, what with us being so busy. But I don’t expect there to be much viable, if anything. Maybe we can have a look once we get organised here, since I’m getting a break from the hall.”

“Since you're on guard duty you mean?”

Bombur laughed. “It’s a break. I was starting to see stars with all that gold. It’s great, don't get me wrong, it’s wonderful. But a bit overwhelming, you know.” He looked thoughtful. “Maybe we'll be able to get your Kili out hunting tomorrow. I’ll say to him later and he can ask Thorin nicely. There's bound to be something bouncing around this mountain minding it's own business that he can shoot.”

* * *

After a meager dinner Bombur was recalled to the great hall and Vanessa found herself handed over into Fili's custody. She sat, swinging her legs against a rock, as she watched them work. “Is there nothing I can help with?”

Fili leaned against the same rock, her boots tapping out a rhythm by his shoulder. As she looked down she could see his hand pressed tight against his ribs.

“It’s all too heavy for you, Ness.”

“Too heavy for you too I think.”

“I may have overdone it a bit today, but I’ll be fine.” He smiled down at his boots and she watched as he scuffed a toe through the thick dust covering the flagstones. “I spoke with Thorin earlier about making a space here for the Lake-town survivors. He doesn’t think it necessary, but I’ll try again. I think it’s the right thing to do.”

“It is, Fili, it absolutely is. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be anywhere near them but it is the decent thing to do.”

“He thinks I’m soft hearted.”

Vanessa stretched down and put a hand in his hair. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. It’s really not. I heard you speak at the shoreline remember. You were fair and you showed mercy and restraint when no-one would have blamed you for acting otherwise. You’ll be a great king.”

“I don't know what to do.” Fili leaned his head back against the rock and looked up at her. “I just don’t know what to do for the best with what we know. And as for being a great king, that's very kind of you to say but I don't think somehow that will be my end.”

“What?” Vanessa slid down the rock and landed heavily, Fili grabbed her arm and steadied her.

“No, Fili, we don't know anything for certain.”

Fili smiled at her sadly and looked away.

“We don't, we don't.” She shook his arm hard to get his attention. “We can work it out, we can change it. If we remind Thorin about Azog-"

“What if we shouldn’t? What if this is how it should end? I've been thinking about it. I've thought of little else. What if there is a weakness in our line, and this is all for the greater good? My heart is telling me that the elvish mirror may have spoken the truth, hard though is it for me to accept.” He looked at her closely. “Did you see anything about...after? Did you see orcs in Erebor?”

I saw you dead, Vanessa thought, taking a shaky breath. I saw all three of you laid out on stone and you were cold and gone.

“You did, you know something more. I see it written in your eyes.” Fili moved closer. “Tell me.”

Vanessa shut her eyes tightly, just in case. “I don’t even know what I saw. I don’t know. I don’t know if it was even Erebor.”

“Look at me. Tell me. Please. You can’t tell me some but not all, that’s not fair. You're not being fair to me.”

Vanessa pressed her palms into her eyes. Fili took her wrists and pulled them away.

“No. I can't. I can’t even explain what I saw.”

“You have to try. I can take it.”

She looked up at him and sighed sadly. “I don’t-”

“What are you doing to my Ness, Fee?” Kili called as he strode across the chamber.

Fili released her wrists. “Just telling her that she can’t lift rocks for the gate, brother.” He shot Vanessa a stern look and turned to smile brightly at Kili. “Again. Is that you done for tonight or are you here to help?”

“I can help for a bit, if Ness can wait?”

Kili grinned at her as she nodded. “We'll not be long and then we can go for an explore if you like.”.He watched as Fili left them and walked back towards the gate before stepping towards her, pulling her out of sight behind the rock. “I missed you today, Ness.”

Vanessa smiled up at him as he pressed her back into the stone. “I missed you too.”

“Good.” He kissed her and moaned softly as she ran her hands up his chest. “How are you feeling? Are you feeling any better?”

Vanessa nodded. “A good bit better I think, a bit sad sometimes. But better.”

“I know, Ness, me too. I think we might always be a little sad. Maybe that's how it should be. For memory. I don't know, I’m sorry.” He looked at her and brushed a hair off her face, smoothing it back. “Oin reminded me that I’ve to be gentle with you. Not sure why he thought I needed reminding but there we are. Are you still...?”

“A little.” Vanessa shook her head and kissed him, wanting to take the worry and sadness from his eyes. “Only a little, I’m fine. I promise.” Lifting her hips to meet his she pressed herself close to him. “But I need you,” she whispered, her open mouth on his, “after everything that's happened I just need you.”

Winding her fingers tightly into his hair she smiled as he pushed back against her, a hand under her thigh, lifting her to him.

“Kili,” yelled Dwalin from the gate. “I know you think you're hidden away back there but you’re not. I can see you perfectly. Get up here.”

Vanessa looked into his eyes as he released her.

“Love you, my Ness.”

“Love you, my Kili.” She smiled at him. “Be careful up there.”

He pressed a kiss against her wrist and ran over to the gate, climbing up easily to Dwalin and taking hold of a rope as Gloin secured a huge piece of stone to the other end. Vanessa climbed back onto her rock and settled down, listened to them shout at each other.

* * *

“That was good work today.” Balin nodded to Fili and blew a smoke ring over the battlements as he looked down over the gate. “Will you finish tomorrow do you think?”

“Should do, and then there’s the big break in the outer wall of the Gallery of Kings too. I went up and had a look after we stopped.” Fili leaned back against the rampart and spoke to them all. “We should really get that filled in too. But it’s massive and there's a lot of stone missing. At least at the gate the stone didn’t need to be moved in. There's a good few days work there for all of us. But I don’t know where it comes in the order of things.”

He frowned a little. “I need to speak with Thorin again.”

“I told him to go and rest,” said Balin. “He promised he would so I think you'll need to talk to him in the morning.”

“But are you not hunting with me tomorrow, Fee?” Kili opened his eyes and looked up at his brother.

Fili shook his head. “I can’t, Kili. I'm sorry. Take Ness."

Kili snorted, and yelped as Vanessa squeezed down on one of the knots in his shoulder. “That hurt, Ness.” He tilted his head back to look up at her. “No. I actually do need to hunt, you’re too noisy.”

He yelped again, grinning, and looked along the wide stone bench running along the inner wall of the ramparts. “Ori. Will you come with me?”

Ori nodded happily. “If I’m allowed.”

Kili nodded, content all was settled. He turned his face back up to Vanessa. "I meant distracting, you’re too distracting. Not noisy. That was the wrong word entirely.”

Vanessa leaned over him, making sure to let her lips brush against the sensitive skin where his jaw met his neck as she whispered, “If you’re wanting anything more than your shoulders rubbed, you’d better be a bit nicer to me.”

She smiled as she felt his pulse quicken and nipped his earlobe between her teeth for good measure, his shoulders lifting under her hands as he took a sharp breath.

“Stop it.”

She looked up as a stone bounced off Kili’s knee.

Bofur lifted another one and shook a finger at her. “I don’t know what you just said to him, and I really, really don't want to know. Look at the colour of him. Stop it.”

Kili bent forward to pick up the stone and threw it back at Bofur lightly, grinning and ducking his head behind his hair to hide his face. He cleared his throat. “Right.” Rolling to his feet he held a hand down to her. “I’m going for a walk, come with me?”

* * *

They wandered hand in hand into the Gallery of Kings.

Kili whistled softly they made their way across to the lake of gold covering the sunken floor. “It must have been something to see.”

Vanessa nodded in agreement, looking at the Smaug sized hole in the side of the mountain. The toppled and smashed pillars. The trails of gold spattered across the floor, the columns, everywhere. A cold breeze blew in from outside and she shivered as Kili released her hand and knelt to stare down into the gold.

“Do you want to stay here, Ness?”

She looked down at him as he stared into the pool, his reflection fractured. The crust over the molten gold looked almost solid, deceptive.

“I don’t know. This place is going to take a lot of work and Fili will need you. Thorin will need you.”

“That’s not an answer.” Kili reached out to touch the surface and thought better of it, standing quickly and pulling her away from the edge. “What do you want to do?”

I want you to live, Vanessa thought sadly. Maybe I can only save you and we should just go and get as far away from here as we possibly can and you live. Find somewhere where we don’t spend our lives looking over our shoulders and waiting for Azog to track you down, the last heir of Thorin's line.

He smiled at her. "What's going round that head of yours?”

Vanessa shook her head and kissed him.

“That’s not an answer either," Kili whispered, returning the kiss as she removed his belt and dropped it to the floor. He walked her backwards until her back touched against one of the columns as she unlaced him.

* * *

Kili lifted his shirt and wrapped it around her as she lay on his chest listening to his heart pound, returning to its steady rhythm.

“I didn’t hurt you, Ness?”

“No, no.” She lifted her head and kissed him. “No.”

He smiled, relieved, and pushed himself up to sitting, lifting her with him. Vanessa wrapped her arms around his shoulders as she settled herself in his lap, his arms around her waist.

She looked down at his back. “You are all dust. And gold.” Removing the clasp from his hair she ran her thumb over the Durin crest before handing it to him. Weaving her fingers through his hair she began to shake some of the dust out.

Kili laughed as she sneezed. “We're all pretty dusty now, no-one will notice an extra bit. I suppose we should get dressed though, just in case anyone comes looking. This isn’t exactly private.” He slapped her leg lightly. “Up you get.”

His insistence on helping her get dressed meant everything took much longer than it should. Once she was decent she pulled his hair back into his clasp and retrieved his boots as he pulled his trousers on. She was just shaking the dust from his shirt when they heard the heavy tread of boots nearby and froze, staring at each other. 

Kili recovered first. Grabbing his belt and tunic he pulled her in behind the nearest pillar just as Thorin stepped into the Gallery from the upper end.

They heard Thorin sigh heavily, the noise carrying in the still of the huge hall. “Who is here?”

Vanessa looked at Kili, horrified. He mouthed at her to stay quiet and pulled on his shirt and tunic, buckled his belt back on hurriedly

“Show yourself!” Thorin shouted as Kili stepped out. Vanessa heard his boots moving away toward Thorin.

“Uncle, it's me. Kili.”

“Kili. What are you doing here?”

“Just having a look around. Balin said you were resting.” His voice was all innocence. Vanessa smiled despite herself.

“I am. I was.” Thorin sighed again. “Where is she?”

Kili was silent.

“Come out,” Thorin commanded, lowering his voice as he continued. “Look at you. Of course she’s here.”

Vanessa sidled around the wide pillar base. She lifted a hand in greeting.

“Get out, the pair of you. Get out of my sight before I say something I regret.”

Kili turned on his heel and strode towards her with his head high. Taking her by the hand he led her quickly towards the nearest stairwell. They ran together down the darkened stairs and then into what felt to her like a maze of passageways. Kili was silent and Vanessa followed him blindly through the twists and turns until he stopped and she walked into him.

“What’s wrong?”

He made a frustrated noise. “I’ve taken a wrong turn somewhere, sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Should we go back?”

She felt rather than saw him shake his head.

“It’s fine. It feels like this way.”

Vanessa clung to his hand as she followed him, the darkness closing in more completely the further they went. She could feel spaces on her right, the air changing as they crossed other paths and hallways.

Kili led her on, confident.

“How do you know?” she whispered at last. “I can't see anything.”

“Sorry, Ness. I forget your eyes aren't like ours.” He stopped. “Wait here.”

“No.” She wrapped her other hand around his wrist and held on. “No. Don’t leave me. I can’t see anything.”

“I’m just going to get a torch, we passed some a little bit back. I won't be a moment.” He kissed her and with a whisper to be brave pried her fingers from his wrist and was gone. She listened to his footsteps fade as he ran back down the way they'd come.

Vanessa stared into the dark, not daring to move. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, heart pounding noisily in her ears.

After what felt like forever she breathed a sigh of relief to hear his footsteps returning. He kissed her again and she clung on to him, fingers clawing into his tunic.

“My brave Ness, I’m sorry. Let me get this lit for you.”

Vanessa transferred her grip to his hair as he knelt down beside her feet. She heard the strike of a tinderbox and him cursing softly. Then a flare of light, and Kili stood, untangling her fingers and took her hand.

“Better?”

Vanessa nodded, shading her eyes a little with her free hand whilst her eyes adjusted to the sudden light. “Where are we?”

Kili swung the torch across the corridor and she followed, taking his free hand in both of hers as the arc of orange light illuminated wide stone steps leading down into an amphitheatre. The breath caught in her throat as he led them down and out into the centre of the floor. Their footsteps echoing against the flagstones. Lifting the torch high he looked around.

“We shouldn’t be down here.” She tugged at his hand.

“Nothing down here will hurt us.” Kili pulled her close. “I promise you.” He turned to face her, the torch lighting up his face. “These are the tombs of my ancestors.”

Vanessa looked around and felt her chest tighten painfully.

I know, she thought, I know exactly where we are.


	41. Where has my brave nephew gone?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Home, sweet home.

Vanessa woke with a start and a gasp in the half light. Fili's eyes opened beside her.

“You did well that time,” he whispered. “It’s nearly dawn. Close your eyes again for a bit.”

Kili murmured an agreement into her hair as she closed her eyes and tried to force herself to relax and slow her heartrate. She'd dreamed again of a tangle of dark, shadowy passageways, where every turn she’d taken had led her to the tombs. To the amphitheatre, lit by torches and laid out with three empty plinths.

She took a deep, shaky breath to try and fight a rising panic.

“Right then. Come on.” Fili rolled to his feet and held out a hand. “We'll go and get the fires going in the kitchen.” He pulled her up to a grumble from Kili. “Get some more sleep, little brother.”

Bilbo shuffled after them into the kitchen and slumped heavily down at the long table beside Vanessa.

Fili knelt to feed the range and smiled up at them. “You’re both very useful.”

“Well then, what’s for breakfast?” Bilbo asked brightly, drumming his fingers against the table. “I’ve a terrible hankering for bacon and eggs, what about you, Ness?”

Vanessa blew on her fingers to warm them. “Pancakes for me I think. And coffee. Lots of coffee.”

“Pancakes. Good idea, I could go for pancakes as well. A double helping for me if you don’t mind, Fili. I'm feeling a little peckish this morning, can't think why. And I’ll be having tea with mine, plenty of milk and you can just leave the sugarbowl.”

Fili closed the range and began filling a pot with water. “How about a drop of porridge instead?” He turned to them with an apologetic smile. “We'll get you both fed up again soon I promise. You are starting to look a bit thin for a hobbit, Bilbo.”

“I can’t tighten my belt any further, Fili, or I'll be tripping over it. How do you all bear it?”

“I’ll bring you back something today, Bilbo.” Kili appeared in the doorway, stretching, a sleepy looking Ori beside him. “We'll have a feast later.”

He walked over to the table and ruffled Bilbo's hair, dropping a kiss on Vanessa's head as the hobbit sputtered with mock indignation. "Right. We'll be off. Be good you two. And you, Fee. Come on, Ori.”

Vanessa smiled as the brothers hugged and Kili left, Ori yawning widely as he trailed behind him.

* * *

“This is good work.” Thorin smiled at him and clapped his shoulder as he inspected the gate. “Very good work.”

Fili looked over his shoulder at Dwalin, Dori and Gloin. Watching as they left and made for the Great Hall, returning to the search for the Arkenstone. “I feel that next we should repair the break in the wall up in the Gallery, and check for any other breaches that Smaug may have made.”

Fili thought for a moment. “We need to check if any of the other passages are unsecured, I think I can remember where they all are but I could do with consulting a map to be certain."

The library had been left relatively unscathed according to Ori, there was bound to be detailed drawings of the stronghold showing all the exits. Fili nodded to himself. "I'll find one this morning and make a plan. We would not want to be taken unawares.”

Thorin took his eyes away from the gate and studied him closely. “When did you become so fearful?” He smiled gently. “You do not need to worry. We will find the Arkenstone and then we will fill this mountain with busy dwarves to carry out all the repairs you want. The gate is secure and that will do for now. The lakemen would not dare broach this mountain.”

"The lakemen do not concern me in that respect." Fili took a deep breath. "It is Azog I am thinking of, and his kin, who may come in force now that Smaug is dead.”

“Let them come. They will break upon this mountain and we will be their end.”

Fili dropped his eyes as Thorin looked at him with concern.

“Where has my brave nephew gone? A few orcs should not worry you so. What are orcs to us now that we have Erebor?”

The silence stretched between them. Fili kept his eyes fixed firmly on his boots, feeling the heat of humiliation and shame slowly rising.

Thorin sighed softly. “There is no need to be frightened." His voice was gentle as he rested his hands gently on Fili's shoulders. "You have nothing to fear from neither orcs or men. I swear to you that I will keep you and your brother safe. Do not let yourself be troubled so, this is a time for great joy. Come. Let us go and find the Arkenstone and look upon our hard won treasure. That will lift your spirits.”

Fili allowed himself to be led back to the Great Hall. Thorin smiled at him again as they stepped between the pillars and on to the gold strewn floor.

Placing a heavy, bejewelled hand on the back of Fili's neck, he drew them close to touch their foreheads together affectionately. “Smile for me, my sister-son. My golden Fili. One day this will all be yours.”

Fili managed a smile, it felt weak.

Thorin patted Fili's neck. “That’s it. That's better. You’re a good boy, my heir. My finest and bravest warrior.”

Releasing him Thorin looked around, nodding with satisfaction as he watched the Company search. With a frown he turned back to Fili. “Where is your brother?”

“Hunting, Uncle.” Fili looked around the endless mounds of gold, feeling his head start to ache. “He and Ori went hunting, our supplies are very low.”

Thorin made a noise of discontent. “We are hardy creatures, we have managed with short rations before. There will be plenty when Dain arrives.”

“You have summoned Dain then?”

“Not yet.” Thorin shook his head. “I need the Arkenstone. I cannot risk anyone else finding it.” He looked around. “Who else is missing? Who guards the witch?”

Fili sighed. “Ness is with Bombur, they are in the storerooms I believe.”

“She leaves before Dain arrives." Thorin began to walk away. “You should prepare your brother.”

“Uncle.” Fili stepped forward and grasped Thorin's sleeve. “Uncle, wait. Ness isn’t a threat to you.”

He tried to think of something that would please Thorin. “She saved my life in Lake-town.”

Thorin looked down at Fili’s hand and back to the treasure. “I don’t have time for this right now.”

“She did.” Fili dropped his hand. “She pulled me to shore after Smaug fell.”

“After Smaug fell?” Thorin dragged his eyes back to Fili.

“Yes.” Fili stood straighter. “After Smaug fell I was injured, unconscious, and she pulled me to safety. She saved my life.” He waited for a reaction and unable to read his uncle's face tried again. “I owe her my life.”

Thorin continued to look at him closely. At last, as Fili was about to try another tack, Thorin spoke. “I do not trust her. I do not trust her motives and I fear she is more cunning than any of us, including myself, give her credit for. Think hard. Is there any possibility that she put you in danger solely to prove her worth to you, to me? Don't shake your head before you fully consider it.”

Thorin frowned as Fili shook his head again. “You are too open hearted, too willing to trust and she has wrapped you up tightly in her web I fear. Both you and your brother. You are yet so innocent in many of the ways of this world. And I would keep you that way for as long as I can. I would not hurt you.”

He sighed heavily. “So for the friendship you feel towards her I will not harm her, unless she gives me cause. But she will not stay here.”

* * *

Fili lifted his head as Ness clattered down the stairs behind him.

“Fili,” she whispered, disappointed. “I was trying to sneak up on you. We found wine.”

He rested his head back on his folded arms. “I've told you before that you shouldn't try and surprise people who carry knives. If you ever manage to become quieter at moving around I'll have to tie a bell on you.” He glanced up at her as she stood glaring at him and shrugged. "I will. For your own good.”

Smiling into the crook of his arm he listened to her muttering darkly to herself. She had quite a range of what they could only assume were obscenities from her world and he thought he'd just heard a new one. He'd check with Kili. It amused them to compare notes and try and work out the meanings. Someday they would surprise her with their list and see if they were right. When she was drunk perhaps. 

She had crept over as best she could to join him, venturing a peep over the balcony. “It looks even bigger from up here.” She stared down at the treasure hoard, wide eyed.

“I thought I might be able to spot it.” Fili followed her gaze and sighed, his good mood dissipating. “We need to find the Arkenstone. Thorin can’t think about anything else until it’s found.” He looked at her as she peeped over the railing. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Bilbo's stropping about. He came down to the storerooms and he told me you were up here. Well, he ordered me in this general direction, I’ve actually been looking for ages."

She frowned at him as if it were his fault and he hid another smile. "There's a lot of very unsafe looking walkways up here by the way. I nearly gave up a dozen times before I saw you and then I couldn't work out how to get over here. And you're going to have to escort me back by the way because I'm not sure I'd be so lucky twice. And just to warn you you'd better have a more sensible route, with plenty of handrails, because I'm really not convinced my heart will take it.

"It's a bloody warren this place, a few maps on the walls wouldn't go amiss. You know the sort, with a big red arrow telling you where you are.”

He waited for her to find her trail of thought again.

“But I couldn't go back to Bilbo empty handed, since he'd instructed me to keep an eye on you. There was pointy fingers and everything. He can be a bit scary when he wants to be.” She looked at him. “He's worried.”

“About me?” Fili smiled at the image of Bilbo in a temper.

Ness nodded. “Yes. About you. About Thorin and Kili. He's worried about everyone. You heard him when we arrived, he is convinced the gold is making us all sick.”

“Bilbo thinks we should leave Erebor.”

“Yes.”

Fili sighed heavily. “We can’t leave. This is our home.” He pulled one of his hands from under his head and rubbed his fingers over the carved railing, the stone dust gritty under his fingers. Ness watched him closely.

“But you should go," he said, "you and Kili.”

“Fili.” She moved closer and caught his fingers in hers. “No.”

Staring at their locked fingers sadly, Fili felt a hollow ache in the pit of his stomach. “You should.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “Thorin intends to make you leave anyway before any other dwarves arrive here. Take my brother and go. Please.”

She didn't respond. He watched as she stared out over the great hall, brows furrowed in thought and one thumb stroking the knuckles of his hand absentmindedly while she chewed at the skin of her other.

He smiled despite himself, noticing specks of gold glistening on her face and in her hair.

“Fuck it.” She turned to him and held him pinned in her gaze, mismatched eyes shining brightly at him. "Let’s tell him.”

“What?” Fili felt his heart rate spike, he lifted his head from his arm slowly, trying to work out what she meant.

“Let’s tell him. It’s Pandora’s box, isn’t it?”

Fili shook his head in confusion but she didn't really need an answer and carried on, squeezing his fingers and moving closer as her voice rose with excitement.

“You can’t just open it halfway. And now that I’ve told you I can’t just stuff it all back in. I think that was the story anyway. There was something about hope. I think I had a book about it. I think they were all butterflies and hope got left in the box maybe?"

She looked at him as if expecting a response.

Fili shook his head, he was usually quite good at piecing together what she was talking about but he wasn't even sure where to begin this time. I'm probably a bit tired, he thought. That's likely it.

She shrugged. "I feel like that's right but never mind, it's not important. Gandalf really shouldn’t have left us to figure all this out on our own. So I say fuck it all, we tell Thorin and let the chips fall as they may. Let everything out of the box. Because I can’t be doing with this any more. It's wrecking my head and I know it’s wrecking yours and why have a bloody magic mirror anyway that tells you the future if you’re meant to just let shit happen.”

She knocked their hands against the balcony for emphasis at the last.

Taking a breath she nodded at him, smiling encouragingly as he stared back at her, stunned into silence.

“So.” Raising her eyebrows she squeezed his hand again, hard. “Come on. Tell me. What do you think? Do we tell Kili first? Or maybe we just tell everybody at once?

"For my own benefit I'm thinking we corner Kili and tell him first whatever we decide because he's going to be really, really pissed. But I’m happy to go with whatever you think best. And I do think the more people who know the better ideas we might get about how to fix it all? Yes? Yes? I don’t know, what do you think?”

“Have you been drinking, Ness?”

“Not yet.” She moved closer and looked at him intently. “Talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking.”

* * *

“What do you think?”

Vanessa blinked against the firelight as he uncovered her eyes. Looking around the room and back to him. “For us?”

“Yes. For us.” He leaned back against the heavy looking door to close it and grinned at her, all pleased with himself. “Do you like it?”

“Yes." She kissed him, looked around again. “Are we allowed? We’re not breaking any rules or anything?”

He laughed and took her hand, pulling her across the small chamber towards the fire that crackled merrily in the grate. Making himself comfortable on one of the armchairs he tugged her down onto his knee and wrapped his arms around her. "You worry too much.”

“I suppose they’ll forgive you and Ori anything today anyway.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen Bombur so happy." Kili laughed. “He’s easy pleased.”

Vanessa smiled. Bombur had pulled Kili into a crushing embrace the moment the goat carcass crashed onto the kitchen table, lifting him and throwing him over his shoulder. Kili laughing and shouting to be set down as Bombur danced a jig around the kitchen. Then it had been Ori’s turn to be squeezed and lifted off his feet when he added a brace of rabbits to the haul.

Kili sobered. “It's pretty poor hunting though. I’ve set a few traps so I’ll go back and check them tomorrow. It's possible the dragon frightened all the game away but even so I don't know how you could expect to feed a mountain of dwarves around here. It must all be trade I suppose, but I don't know from where. I’d never really thought about it before."

He shrugged and stroked her hair. "I expect Fee knows, he and Thorin probably had it all planned out before we left. It'll be just like home, but bigger."

She smiled at him, a little sadly, and he shrugged again and grinned. "Fee would have been involved in trade deals back home, I don't think I've got the head for it."

More like you didn't get the opportunity, Vanessa thought. She kept that to herself and nodded at him. "I think you must be right about the trade. The storerooms are huge. Massive caverns. I don’t know if you have seen them yet."

He shook his head.

“They’re full of barrels. Most of the foodstuff is rotten, obviously."

They'd opened some of the barrels earlier, Bombur prying them open with the handle of a ladle. After a run of small triumphs they'd got complacent and opened one which felt a little tacky. Vanessa had laughed as Bombur blanched. She'd stopped laughing when the smell reached her. 

They'd called it a day after that, hammering the lid back on as they retched.

Tomorrow's problem, she'd said to Bombur, as they had staggered their way back toward the kitchens. 

Vanessa shuddered as she remembered. "It’ll be a big, smelly clean up job and I've a sinking feeling that I know exactly who's going to end up with it. There must have just been constant deliveries.”

“And I heard a rumour you found wine.”

“I did. It’s a skill of mine. If there's alcohol to be found I’ll find it.”

“That’s a good skill to have. Very useful.”

“I have others.” She placed her fingertips under his chin, tilting his head back as she turned in his arms to straddle him. "Sit still and I'll show you.”

* * *

Dinner was a merry affair. Bombur had roasted the goat and made a pottage with oats and stock and rabbit. They all had far too much wine and wobbled out to the battlements with more bottles and their blankets to watch the stars.

Vanessa lay with her head nestled in Kili's lap as she stared up contentedly into the starry sky. Watching the smoke rings as they drifted past and out over the ramparts toward Dale. She smiled as she listened to Bofur singing quietly nearby whilst the others talked and laughed. Fingers stroked slowly across her forehead and through her hair as Kili untangled it unconsciously, a gentle tugging at her temple as he weaved and undid a braid one handed.

“Brother!” Kili called happily as he stretched out his other hand above her head. “Where have you been? We were worried.”

Fili slid down the wall beside them and lifted Vanessa's legs to wriggle his own underneath. He tucked the blanket around her again and she felt the weight of his heavy hands, one on her thigh and one on her calf, as he pulled her about into a position he was happy with.

“Comfortable?” She lifted her head to look at him as he reached across to snag Kili’s pipe.

“Yes, thanks. You’re all nice and warm.” He patted her leg with his free hand and looked at Kili. "You don't look worried, little brother.”

“I was. Very. Where did you go? Did you go for a little sleep?”

“No.” Fili laughed. “Balin and I went to take Thorin some dinner.”

“Oh.” Kili sobered a little. “I didn’t realise. I should probably have gone too. How is he? Was he happy with the goat?”

Fili smiled and leaned in to touch his forehead to Kili's briefly. “I’m sure he was. He didn’t eat when we were there. He was....I don’t know. Out of sorts. He seemed a bit sad and then me and Balin started laughing at something, I can’t remember what it was now, but it was really funny, and Thorin got really annoyed and told us to go to bed.”

He rested his head back against the wall and smiled down at Vanessa. “I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be a bad day.”

“No, it won't be, it'll be a good day. Because you can come hunting with me!” Kili said happily. "Let me just tell Ori."

He jostled her on his knee as he shifted excitedly, leaning across her to look down the ramparts for Ori. Vanessa exchanged a grin with Fili.

"When you both get back," she said, "I'll have some barrels for you to open. It'll sort your hangover right out."

Fili laughed as he shook his head.

"Ori!” Kili called, Ori lifted his hand in acknowledgement. “Fee’s coming with me tomorrow. You were great today though.”

“No. He’s not.” Dwalin interrupted. “Sorry lads, but only one of you out of the mountain at a time. That’s the rules.”

“Whose rules?” Fili sounded indignant. “You just made that up.”

“The rules, Fili. These rules.” Dwalin waved his hands vaguely at the walls. “We’re in Erebor now, we can’t have both of you out running around.”

Kili started laughing and nudged Fili hard. “He's joking, Fee, don’t look so serious.”

“I’m not joking.” Dwalin pointed his finger at them. “I am completely serious. You’re the heirs to the throne, things have changed.”

“Balin?” called Fili. “It’s not true?”

Balin raised his hands. “I’m sorry, Fili, Kili. We need to be careful with you both. You can leave the mountain, we'll not keep you in here obviously, that wouldn’t be fair. You’re used to being out and about. And there will be times you can go together. If it’s official business. But it won’t be how it was.” He looked at them sadly. “I’m sorry, lads.”

Vanessa looked up at their disappointed faces.

“Truly?” said Kili sadly. "Truly, Balin?”

Balin gave him a sad smile. “It’ll be all right, Kili my lad, you’ll get used to it in time.”

* * *

Vanessa woke slowly in the semi darkness, too warm and with a pounding headache.

Wine, she thought muzzily, I hate you. I hate you so much. Every time. I need water.

The dying firelight caught on golden hair curled across her forearm and her eyes flared open. Taking a shallow breath she stared at Fili’s sleeping face, suddenly very, very aware that their legs were entwined and his hand spanned her hip, fingers relaxed against bare skin at the small of her back where her clothes had twisted in her sleep. And, if she wasn't mistaken, her head was pillowed comfortably on his arm.

Telling herself firmly not to panic she began to piece together fragments of memory whilst slowly lifting her hand from his chest. One careful finger at a time.

She remembered being on the battlements. Then the three of them had been with some of the others in the kitchen, Balin had been telling stories. There had been a lot of laughter. Bofur and Bifur had demonstrated some sort of complicated, shouty dance. She remembered a bottle of wine had been kicked off the table and wondered vaguely if anyone had had the wit to clean it up before the red wine had soaked into the stone. 

She remembered the weight of Kili’s head on her shoulder and his arm around her waist as he talked with Bilbo about something. Something about Bag End and a carved box. She hadn't been paying attention. Then a memory of Fili kneeling to stoke up the fire in their room and then...nothing. Completely blank.

Her heart hammered as the fear properly set in.

Fili opened his eyes and looked directly at her.

Vanessa watched as the same horror dawned on his face as on hers. Wordlessly they both untangled themselves, kicking blankets out of the way.

A growl from behind her told Vanessa where Kili was and she almost cried with relief.

“Will you two lie still.” An arm encircled her waist and Kili dragged her back, holding her tightly against his bare chest. “Please. It's the middle of the night. Go to sleep. Both of you.”

The mattress dipped as Fili sat up. He groaned and held his head, pushing himself slowly to standing.

Kili raised himself up on one elbow, his fingers spread wide across her stomach. “Fee?”

“I’ll go and get some water I think, Kili.”

Kili nodded. “Oh. Actually, that's a good idea. Bring back lots please.” He slumped back down and pulled Vanessa closer. “Don’t get lost.”

Fili smiled at them, scrubbing a hand through his hair, looking embarrassed. Vanessa stared back, her heart still beating too fast, and managed a little smile in return.

“I mean it, Fee.” Kili’s eyes were already closed as he snuggled back under the furs. “If I have to get up and come looking for you I won’t be happy.”

Vanessa watched as Fili rolled his eyes and grinned. He leaned across her and kissed Kili’s forehead, paused briefly and then lightly kissed hers too. “I’ll not be long.”

“Back to sleep, Ness.” Kili tightened his grip on her as she watched Fili pull on his tunic and search about for his boots.

* * *

“Oh hello, Fili. I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up.”

Fili turned and smiled at Bilbo as the hobbit climbed the stairs to the ramparts above the gate, a little unsteadily.

“Could you not sleep either?”

Fili shook his head and looked back out over the dark, silent valley, leaning against the wall and pillowing his head in his arms.

Bilbo joined him. “Where did you three head off to?”

“Kili has found himself a little room just along the outer wall, down towards the mines. It's for him and Ness, but he dragged me along too. It’s nice. We talked and Ness tried to teach us some songs from her world.”

Fili smiled to himself and ran his fingertips along the wonky braid at his temple as he remembered her knelt behind him, singing nonsense while insisting she was fixing his hair. Her thighs nudging against his back as she danced about. Kili singing along with her and laughing as he lay stretched out on his back on the rug in front of them.

“I’m just out to fetch water.” He waved at the jugs of water at his feet.

“And stare out at Dale.”

“A little. I just wanted to check if there were any lights.”

“Well, you were lucky Kili dragged you along with him. The snoring in there tonight is nothing short of ridiculous.” Bilbo leant his head on his arms next to Fili. “At least you’ve had some sleep. I might have to look for somewhere of my own, but there is something oddly comforting about waking amidst a pile of dwarves. Isn’t that strange?”

Fili smiled at him. “You’ll maybe miss us a little when you’re back at Bag End, it’ll be too quiet for you.”

Bilbo snorted, “I’ll manage.”

“There'll be a place for you here. You've more than earned it.” Fili lifted his head to look at the hobbit properly. “It won’t always be cold and dusty. We'll soon have it put to rights. Erebor will be the greatest of the dwarven kingdoms again, light and warm, full of life and laughter.

"You could have your own space here, we can arrange to have your books and whatever home comforts you’d like brought from the Shire. Kili’s room has a little window out over the mountainside, you can look out to the stars. There's a fire and armchairs, its very homely. We could get you one like that? Or if you prefer to have your sleeping quarters separate you could have a suite."

Fili stroked a thumb over the dusty stone as he thought. Perhaps they could consider knocking a larger opening in one of the suites. The current windows were quite small for obvious security reasons but Bilbo would be sure to want more light. He was sure Thorin would authorise it. But not until Azog was dealt with, of course.

Fili sighed heavily, his good mood evaporating as his thoughts turned once more to the orc king.

Bilbo smiled up at him genuinely and Fili forced a smile onto his own face in return.

“Thank you, that is a generous offer. I’ll give it some thought.” Bilbo looked up at the mountain above them. “I’d always assumed that I’d head back at the end, is this the end? You have your mountain, you defeated the dragon.” He nudged Fili’s elbow with his own. “Prince Fili the dragon slayer. You can add that to your titles.”

Fili laughed. “Perhaps.” He flicked a small stone off the ramparts with his fingers and listened to it as it bounced it’s way down. “I guess maybe it ends when we find the Arkenstone. Then Thorin can bring in the clans and we can really get to work. We need to find it soon, we need to get started.”

“Does he really need it? Can he really not restore Erebor without it? There’s a mountain of gold in there. More than you could spend in a lifetime I would imagine.”

Fili shrugged. “It’s the kings jewel. Thorin can’t risk anyone else finding it.”

They stood looking out in silence, lost in their own thoughts.

“How do you find him, Fili?” Bilbo glanced down the stairs before he continued, lowering his voice and sounding cautious. “Thorin, I mean. Do you think him changed?”

Fili played with another stone, rolling it under his fingers as he thought. “Thorin's under a lot of pressure. This is everything he has worked for, ever since Erebor fell. You have to remember how much he has lost.

"We could have stayed in the Blue Mountains, we had lives there. Good lives. But Thorin always knew we had to retake the mountain. He’s done it for us, for Mother and for me and for Kili. He trained us for this, ever since we were dwarflings. It’s always been Erebor. And he’s worked so hard and given up so much. For our family.” Fili tailed off, feeling sad.

After some moments had passed Bilbo sighed heavily. “Look. I’m not sure if I should tell you this. I believe Thorin’s intentions were noble. They were.”

Fili lifted his head and stared at Bilbo as the hobbit cleared his throat and continued hurriedly.

“Wait, don’t speak, hear me out. When Smaug left we ran out of the mountain, and up on toward Ravenhill and we watched the beast destroy Lake-town. We saw the flames rising and we wept bitterly for you all.

"We could not believe that you could have survived such wanton destruction. And I turned away when I could no longer watch and I looked for Thorin, to offer him what small comfort I could.”

Bilbo paused and looked Fili in the eyes. “He wasn’t with us. He was standing apart from us all and staring at the mountain. Anxious only to return. He wasn’t weeping for you. He rushed us back into the mountain and put us to work looking for the Arkenstone. He’s obsessed, he can’t think about anything else.”

Fili opened his mouth and shut it again with a click, unable to think of how to respond. Bilbo smiled at him sadly.

“I don’t mean to upset you, I know how much Thorin loves you both. I’ve seen it, remember. Don’t you see that this is a sign? A sign of the sickness that lies upon this mountain? The old Thorin would have celebrated your return. He would have been so proud of you. His nephew defeating a dragon!

"But he hasn’t shown any interest. And you arrived wounded and obviously in a great deal of pain, and he can’t see past a heap of gold and a shiny jewel. That isn’t right, that isn’t him. You know I'm right. Talk to Balin. Ask Balin about dragon sickness.”

“Dragon sickness?” Fili frowned.

“Yes. Dragon sickness, gold sickness. Ask Balin, ask him about King Thror and how he changed. Please, Fili.”

Fili lifted one of the jugs and took a long drink, trying to clear his head. He looked at the lightening sky. “I will, I promise. But it’s likely just the Arkenstone on his mind. My uncle is the strongest dwarf I know. We find the Arkenstone and that secures all and then Thorin will be free to think about other things. And the gold will be split between us all, remember. We’ll split it, tidy what’s left away safely and it won’t be a problem.”

He saw Bilbo touch a pocket and looked at the hobbit curiously.

“Oh.” Bilbo shifted. “I forgot my pipe. I'll head back in, bit cold out here anyway. Good night, I mean, morning. Good morning.” He scurried off and ran down the stairs.

Fili stared back over the wall, down into the valley and out over Dale, his mind again filling the shadows with orcs and goblins baying for blood. The white spectre of Azog.

Pushing his fingers into his hair he gripped hard, pulling until it hurt.

How long, he thought, how long do I have before they come for us?


	42. Do you think Uncle Thorin changed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The lakemen arrive in Dale.

The dawn light filtered into the room through the window above the bed.

Vanessa rolled over on to her back and clutched her head, beside her Kili grumbled and covered his eyes. “We need to switch that light off.”

Kili laughed beside her. “I feel terrible, make it stop. Is Fee back?”

She managed to sit up on her second attempt and looked around the room. “No.”

He took his hand away from his eyes and squinted around the room muttering something.

“Are you ever going to teach me?” Vanessa looked down at him. “I feel like I can guess some of the words already, but I wouldn't want to swear at someone in the wrong way and cause offence. Start a war or something.”

Kili smiled up at her, taking a hold of one of her thighs and pulling her across him.

Vanessa looked back to the door. “I thought you were feeling terrible, and what if Fili comes back?”

“Then he'll learn to knock. Anyway, Fee's not coming back now. He’s hopefully not down a mineshaft somewhere." He grinned up at her and lifted his hips. “I’m only joking, don't look so worried. He’s fine. Of course he's fine. He'll be asleep in the kitchen I expect, with my jug of water that he was supposed to bring back. Kiss me, my Ness. Make me feel better.”

She smiled and leant down to kiss his forehead lightly, crying out happily when he rolled her over on to her back, his lips on hers.

“Too many clothes,” he murmured, sliding her shirt up and unlacing her as she raised her body to meet his.

* * *

The timid knock on the door made them both jump, Kili quickly pulled the furs to cover her.

“Kili?” The door rapped quietly again. “Kili, it’s me. Ori. It’s past dawn, we should be going.”

Kili answered Ori and turned back to her with a smile.

Vanessa raised her eyebrows at him. “I'm going to need to know what that was so I can decide whether to ever look poor Ori in the eye again.”

He grinned down at her and dropped a kiss on her nose. “Secret language. I have to go.” He grasped his head as he sat up. “I need water.”

Vanessa watched him climb out of bed and search about for his clothes. “Be careful out there today.”

He smiled at her as he sat down on the bed to pull on his boots and she crawled over to press herself against his back, winding her arms around his neck and running a hand as far as she could reach down his chest.

“Don’t worry, my Ness. We'll just go and check the traps and reset them if we’ve had any luck, move them if we haven't. Easy. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Kili finished his boots and turned, pushing her back on to the bed and climbing on top of her. “You’re very distracting.” He kissed her. “Will you do something for me?”

Vanessa nodded, wriggling under him as he ran his fingers across her.

“Will you go and find Fee and keep him company?” He pulled back a little and looked her in the eyes. “I’m worried about him, he’s not been his usual self since Lake-town. Keep an eye on him for me please?”

* * *

Fili worked his way across to Balin through the piles of gold. The older dwarf was crouched over a stack of coin and Fili wasn’t entirely sure he hadn’t fallen asleep.

“Balin,” he hissed, checking back over his shoulder for his uncle. “Balin.”

Balin jumped and looked around with a big smile. “Fili. You look pale, lad. Are you feeling unwell?”

“Just too much wine.” Fili lowered his voice as Balin nodded in agreement. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

* * *

Vanessa peered over the railing carefully, watching Fili make his way across to Balin. Then they left the hall together. She ducked as Thorin moved, holding her breath.

This is too stressful, she thought, I can’t do this hungover. I’ll get Bombur into trouble if I’m not careful.

She peeped over again. Balin and Fili hadn’t returned. She’d have to go find them.

* * *

Thorin watched as Fili and Balin left the hall together. Angling the polished gold plate with his boot, he checked the girl was still where he’d last seen her, leaning out over one of the walkways above. Stretching, he watched on the plate as she ducked out of sight and then came back into view.

He sighed heavily. Was it really too much to ask that they look for the Arkenstone and guard the witch? It really wasn’t acceptable.

Crouching to sift through another pile of gold Thorin thought back to his conversation with Oin.

His heart ached for both his boys and he tried to fix it firmly in his mind to have a proper talk with each of them. Thoughts seemed to have developed a habit of slipping away from him if he didn't keep a firm hold on them.

His Fili, he reminded himself as his mind attempted to drift away.

Thorin shook his head in wonder. Defeating Smaug. And Oin had sung Fili's praises for the noble manner in which he had dealt with the lakemen after they had tried to hang the girl. A true prince indeed. A credit to his line. 

His brow furrowed as he recalled Fili’s plea to open Erebor's gates to the men who would have killed both him and his brother had the Elvenking's whelp not intervened. It didn't make sense. He reminded himself to think further on it later. When they found the Arkenstone and he had more time.

Thorin ran coin through his hands and his thoughts turned to Kili. His young, reckless Kili. Nearly lost to them in Lake-town. So very close to losing both of them. Too close. 

Oin had told him about the girl dragging a half dead Fili ashore and the subsequent trouble at the lakeside. Trouble which she had most certainly caused, putting both his boys in future danger.

And then there was the child.

Thorin sighed heavily. Oin had told him of Kili's pain, the stoic medic swiping his own eyes sorrowfully as he recounted how Kili had grieved. His young nephew holding himself responsible for the loss. Blaming himself for not being well enough to have taken the girl's place by his brother's side.

Too young, thought Thorin sadly. He’s too young for this.

He tried to think back, had he held either of his boys since their arrival in Erebor? He could not recall. He would need to put that right.

He felt a surge of anger, the edge of a coin biting into his palm as he clenched his fist. I should have sent her back to Rivendell, he thought. I should have trusted my instincts and left her in the Shire.

Most worrying was Oin. Always one of the girl's staunchest supporters, now he seemed certain that she was a witch. Something had changed and Thorin wasn’t clear what. He would have to remember to ask Oin again.

Standing he looked around the hall, the piles of gold sifted and tidied. Surely they had searched every corner by now. Every crevice.

How could it not be here? he thought furiously. We should have found it ten times over by now.

He kicked the gold plate and glared up at the walkway. No sign of the witch.

Thorin looked in the direction Balin and Fili had taken and felt a horrible suspicion start to take shape in his mind.

* * *

Balin lowered himself down on to the stone bench and sighed happily.

Fili thoroughly checked the stairs and the hidden corners of the ramparts. Satisfied that there was no-one who could overhear he returned to Balin, now sitting with his eyes closed and face upturned to the weak sunlight.

“Right then.” Balin opened his eyes. “Let's have it. What’s troubling you?”

Fili scrubbed his hands through his hair. “I don’t even know where to start.”

Balin patted the bench beside him and Fili shook his head, needing to keep the stairs in view. He paced, trying to order his thoughts as Balin waited patiently.

“Balin.” Fili shook his head to clear it and dived straight in. “Do you think Uncle Thorin changed?” He watched Balin carefully as the older dwarf's face fell and felt his own heart sink to his boots. “Do you think he's sick?”

“Perhaps." Balin looked up at him carefully. "In a way."

Fili waited for Balin to continue, barely daring to breathe.

“He’s still Thorin but I can see what I believe may be the first worrying signs of gold sickness. I hope that I’m wrong.”

“Gold sickness?”

“Gold sickness. Perhaps even dragon sickness. They are one and the same, almost. There is great power in a treasure hoard. I’ve seen it before, in your great grandfather. That look, that terrible need. It is a fierce and jealous love and it sent Thror mad." Balin shook his head sadly. "And that was before the dragon. Dragons are magical creatures, a dragon has nested within this mountain and amongst the treasure for decades, loving it, imbuing it with more power I expect.”

He sighed heavily and lifted his eyes to Fili's. “Dwarves do not hold with magic, but that does not mean magic has no hold over us. We are all feeling it’s power I expect, to one degree or another. Although some more than others I grant you.”

Suddenly feeling a little unsteady Fili leant back against the ramparts. "Are you completely certain, Balin? But when we find the Arkenstone? And we split the gold, then there'll be a lot less here."

He began to pace again as he thought of a plan. "We can lock what’s left away somewhere safe. Bury it deep under the mountain until we need to spend it. Or we could tunnel out maybe if that was better? Out under one of the spurs, perhaps? And we'll need to use a lot of it anyway to fix this place.”

Balin smiled at him sadly. “The dragon did not neatly gather all that treasure in the great hall. That was Thror’s doing. I’m not so sure you will persuade Thorin to bury or give it away. But we can try. We can try. And as for the Arkenstone. The king's jewel crowns all. It’s the summit of this great wealth, and bestows power on he that holds it.

“But it will not have the power to stop madness. It did not help Thror. In fact, I fear it would make your uncle worse, he would be absolute ruler, answerable to no dwarf.”

Balin sighed again. “Maybe it is for the best if it stays lost. What did you say, lad, I missed that?”

Fili took his hands away from his face, shook his head. "It doesn't matter."

Levering himself up Balin walked across to Fili, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder as he looked out into the valley.

Fili turned as the gnarled hand squeezed his shoulder hard. "Lad, look out there. Your eyes are better than mine. Is that movement?”

Fili turned and looked towards Dale. Shapes moved between the houses. "Bard.” He sighed. “The lakemen have arrived.”

* * *

“Ness." Kili laughed as she screamed. “Ness, I’m sorry. I thought you heard me. Did you hit your head? I’m so sorry.”

Vanessa glared up at him, rubbing her head where she'd knocked it on the shelf. “How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me? I nearly had a heart attack.”

“I wasn’t sneaking." He smiled, shrugging. “I didn’t realise you were so absorbed in your work. Can you take a break?” He held out a hand to help her up.

She threw down the rag and took his hand. “I’m not long started really but I’m sure Bombur won’t mind. I had to tell him earlier that I was having woman’s problems so that he’d let me go off unsupervised. He hasn’t been able to look me in the eye since.”

“You had to tell him what?”

"I didn't realise he would get so embarrassed. He has a wife, how can he not talk about these things? I actually thought he was going to explode he went so red and I'd barely even begun to explain that-"

"Are you unwell?" Kili touched her forehead lightly, all concern. "You do look a little flushed."

"What? No, I'm fine. You just scared the living daylights out of me, and I'm hungover. No, I had to go keep an eye on Fili for you so I'd a pack of lies all ready. Complete waste of effort as it turns out."

He was looking at her a little oddly.

"I think you forget that I can't just wander about. I am actually under guard you know. Anyway, I watched him for you and he was with Balin up at the gate and they looked like they were settled so I came back here. I didn’t want to get Bombur into trouble. Or Thorin to catch me roaming about without an escort.” Vanessa shuddered at the thought.

“Well, we definitely can’t have that.” Kili smiled and gave her hand a tug. “I’ll escort you now though. I’ve got a surprise.”

* * *

“What is this place?” Vanessa looked around the empty stone chamber, her voice echoed back at her.

“Patience." Kili closed the door behind them and dropped her hand, running over to some pipework in the corner. "Give me a moment.” He crouched and bashed at something with his hand and then, when that didn't work, the hilt of a knife.

The ceiling creaked loudly above them. An oddly metallic noise. Vanessa stared up at the stone and looked at Kili worriedly. 

"Kili?" She took a step back toward the door as an ominous gurgling noise filled the chamber. It sounded like it was coming from everywhere at once. Her heart began to beat a little faster as she looked around. 

Kili leapt to his feet and turned, grinning triumphantly. On the far side of the room water started to trickle from the ceiling, increasing in strength, hammering against the floor and sluicing away under the wall.

“Kili, is that...”

“It’s not hot. I think there should be a way to heat the water but I haven’t figured it out yet. But I will.” Kili walked over to the water and held his fingers under it. “I'll ask Ori.”

Vanessa smiled at him as he turned back towards her.

“I remembered you had said about missing your showers. Do you remember? Back in Rivendell.”

She nodded and he smiled at her as he bounced back across the room to join her, looking all pleased with himself.

“And then when we were in the valley Oin was telling us stories about the mines. I think you might have been asleep. He was telling us that the miners would have had to wash before returning to their homes. To keep everywhere clean, you know. He described these rooms and I thought it sounded just like what you’d said. And so I’ve been looking. And I found it. Do you want to give it a try?"

* * *

Kili leaned back against the door and watched her happily as she kicked her boots off, stripped out of her clothes and stood by the water, stretching a hand in.

She turned to him with a happy grin that made his heart soar. “Oh, it’s freezing.”

“I’ve a big fire going in our room.” He laughed as she jumped straight under the deluge of water, her shrieks echoing around the chamber.

“Kili!” she shouted as she scrubbed at her hair. “Come in. It’s fine once you’re in, honestly.” She panted hard with the cold. “It feels great!”

With a glance at the door behind him Kili stood on one leg and tugged his boot off.

* * *

Thorin looked down the corridor in the direction of the sound of running feet, the familiar peal of Kili’s laughter bouncing off the walls. They came into sight as they ran around the corner hand in hand. The girl seeing him first and stopping with a gasp, pulling Kili to a halt.

“Easy, Ness. It’s only Thorin.” Kili smiled widely at him. “Hello, Uncle. Ness can’t see too well in the dark, I think she thought you were one of her shadows.” He turned and kissed the girl full on the mouth.

Thorin frowned as the girl tried to hide behind Kili, clutching clothes to herself. The two of them were soaked, however they'd managed it, and barely dressed. Kili’s wet shirt unlaced and untucked, sticking tightly to his chest. His hair unbound. Her face pale as death as she looked out from behind his nephews shoulder. Eyes black and glinting malevolently at him in the darkened corridor, her hair plastered tightly to her skull. Thin, bony fingers curled possessively around Kili's upper arm.

Thorin felt his blood run cold.

“Kili, I must speak with you.” Thorin narrowed his eyes when the girl didn’t move. “Alone.”

“Of course, Uncle.”

Thorin watched as Kili led her by the hand past him to the door, opening it wide to reveal a brightly lit, comfortable room with a roaring fire. He frowned at the sight of a rumpled, unmade bed piled high with furs.

A cosy little nest for a viper, he thought as he watched Kili say his farewell. His young nephew whispering sweetly in the witch's ear, whatever he said bringing spots of colour to her bloodless cheeks. Another lingering, inappropriate kiss, Kili holding on to her tenderly as he leant his body into hers.

A promise.

Thorin ground his teeth. He'd seen enough.

“Kili, come.”

He strode down the corridor. Kili arrived at his shoulder a moment later, pulling on a tunic over his wet clothes.

* * *

Kili looked around in wonder as they entered the throne room. He hadn’t ventured in here himself yet in his explorations, feeling it was somehow sacred. Their footsteps rang out on the stone, echoing around the great, silent chamber as he followed Thorin along a walkway toward the dais. Glancing down beyond the edge he smiled as he thought of his Ness. The way she would cling so sweetly to him, claiming the high, naked walkways in Erebor made her dizzy.

Throws herself down a crumbling cliff-face but can't stand on a solid, dwarven crafted span of good stone and look down without her head spinning, he thought as he laughed quietly to himself.

Thorin turned and Kili sobered at his uncle’s serious expression.

“This is magnificent, Uncle.” Kili broke the silence. “It will be even more so when the torches are lit.”

“I need to find the Arkenstone.”

“I know.” Kili smiled and nodded enthusiastically at Thorin's grim face. Suddenly wanting more than anything to cheer his uncle up. “We'll find it soon. I’m certain of it.”

The silence stretched between them again.

Kili shifted a little, waiting for Thorin to speak this time.

“Oin told me about Lake-town. Kili, I am sorry.”

Kili waited but nothing more was forthcoming. He guessed Thorin was apologising for leaving him at the dockside. “Thank you, Uncle. It doesn’t matter now.”

“Of course it does. You do not need to be brave with me, a loss is a loss.”

Oh, Kili thought, as his uncle spread his arms wide and beckoned him forward.

He went gladly and buried himself in the broad, familiar chest, breathing in deeply and closing his eyes. Strong arms wrapped tightly around him and to his embarrassment Kili suddenly felt tears threaten, a hitch in his chest adding to his shame. He choked back a sob and dug his fingers hard into his uncle's furs as Thorin pressed lips against his head.

“My little Kili,” whispered Thorin, his own voice hoarse with emotion. “My boy. I have missed you, so very much.”

Kili bit hard on his lip to stop another sob escaping as Thorin ran fingers through his damp hair, untangling the curls and soothing him as he'd used to when he was a dwarfling. He squeezed his eyes tighter shut.

“I’ve missed you too," he managed, after a long moment.

“You know I will always be here for you.” Thorin lifted Kili’s head and looked into his eyes. “You can come to me about anything.”

Kili nodded, feeling himself redden as Thorin swiped a tear away with a roughened thumb.

“There is no shame in tears, Kili. No shame in grieving for what might have been.” Thorin smiled at him sadly and took a deep breath. “My Kili. You are too young for this heartache. Don’t speak, just listen carefully to me for a moment. This is too much. You should be with your brother, at his side. At my side. My right and my left hand, my brave boys, as you always were. Not mourning a child, not thinking of a marriage bed, not yet. I said do not speak.”

Kili shut his mouth again obediently and tried to pull away but Thorin held him tightly.

“Mistakes have been made, but there is nothing that we cannot make good again. It is not completely unheard of for dwarves to have had a dalliance outside marriage. It is shameful, of course it is. But you are young, and a prince. And most importantly of all you are my heir. You would be forgiven much.”

Smiling kindly at him Thorin stroked his cheek. “You understand however that I have to send her away. She cannot stay here. There would be too many questions.”

“I will not give Ness up.” Kili managed to wrench himself free and took some steps backward.

Thorin looked at him steadily. "You will. You must. This has gone too far.” His uncle moved towards him, face pained. Kili retreated.

“I wish it had not come to this. And do not misunderstand me, this is not a request. I am commanding you, as your kin, your uncle. Your King. You must choose your allegiance.”

Kili stared at Thorin. “I don’t understand.”

“I cannot speak plainer. You must choose. Your brother needs you here, I need you here. Erebor needs you. But she cannot stay.”

“You would send me away?”

“It would break my heart to do so.” Thorin stepped forward again. “And as for Fili, and your amad.”

Closing the distance between them Thorin took a hold of his arm. Kili felt a painful lump form in his throat as he was pulled close.

“You cannot keep the girl and remain a Prince of Erebor. Do you understand me? You will not marry her. What if there were children? It is unheard of. A dwarf and a what? What is she? Human? If that is indeed what she is.”

“Of course she is." Kili tried to interrupt. “She-"

“Setting aside my own personal feelings and suspicions about her, and there are things you do not yet know, you must think hard about what you would be giving up. A family who love and need you, your future. Your people, your heritage and your legacy. And for what?”

Thorin tightened his grip as Kili struggled to pull his arm free.

"Have you truly thought upon it? If she is indeed human as you believe, then how long can you reasonably expect her to live? Forty more years? Fifty? You will watch as she withers and dies, and you will yet be young. Not even in your prime.

"If she can, in fact, bear you live children? That will be truly fortunate, for they will bring you comfort and joy in your grief. And you will watch over them as they also grow old. You will watch as one by one they die before you. They will leave you and you will be all alone in the world.

"Then, when you are weary and it finally comes to your time, many years from now, when they are only memories and dust and you go at last to the halls of our father’s? If you are still admitted for turning your back on your race. Who will be there waiting for you? For she will certainly not be there."

Kili stared at his uncle, unable to form an answer.

Thorin sighed heavily. “It will break your heart, my sister-son. It will break your heart over and over again. But to who will you turn, where will you go?”

As the blood rushed to his face, Kili lifted his chin and found his answer. "I will take twenty years with her over a lifetime without her, Uncle. I will take ten. I will never set her aside. She is mine.”

“Of course she isn’t.”

“She is.” Kili tried to keep his voice level.

“You are far from her first love. She does not share your values.”

“You cannot blame her for-"

Thorin shook his head as he released Kili’s arm. “No, I do not. No matter my suspicions about her story I believe Oin when he says she was badly treated. I am not speaking of that. Do you not remember what you told me in Rivendell after your falling out? What she had said to you?”

Kili coloured further and kept his mouth closed.

“I remember.” Thorin nodded as he continued. “I remember well how hurt you were because it hurt my heart to see you so upset.”

Thorin reached out and gently took a hold of Kili's chin, tilting his head to look in his eyes. “And yet you went back and gave yourself to her all the same. You are a fool, Kili. She has never been yours alone. No matter what comforting lies you tell yourself.”

“Thorin.”

They turned at Dwalin's voice from the entrance to the throne room.

“The survivors from Lake-town are streaming into Dale. Hundreds of them.”

Thorin stormed past Kili, his face a furious mask. “Call everyone to the gate. Now.” He half-turned, his face softening. “With me. Now.”

Kili followed obediently, his head spinning.


	43. Are you attempting to undermine me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A secret shared.

Fili turned at Thorin's heavy tread, nodded to his Uncle and moved aside. “We spied them as they began to arrive. They’re very strung out. And as far as I can make out there's many walking wounded with them.”

Thorin stood silently and looked out towards the city of Dale. Fili smiled at his brother as he trailed slowly up the stairs behind their uncle. Kili didn’t acknowledge him, walking past unseeing to stand at Thorin's left hand.

Looking at his uncle closely, Fili tried to gauge his thoughts. He decided to make another attempt. “They have a lot of women and children with them. They have elderly and infirm. Dale is naught but a cold ruin and they will struggle to survive there without our help.”

“What would you have me do?” Thorin turned to him, eyes flashing. “We have spoken of this privately already and you know my thoughts. Why are you bringing it up again?”

Fili dropped his eyes. “I thought, perhaps...”

Thorin leaned close and lowered his voice. “Are you attempting to undermine me, nephew?”

“No. No.” Fili looked into Thorin’s eyes. “Uncle, no. Never.”

“Oin has told me how these lakemen looked up to you. Called for you. Prince Fili and King Bard. That’s correct, isn’t it? Is this why you would have them within our walls?”

Thorin straightened and turned his back to Fili, raising his voice to the Company assembled along the walls. “The lakemen can have Dale, with my blessing. But that is all they shall have from us, and that is more than generous.”

He nodded sharply to Dwalin. "Set a watch on the gate, light the braziers. Call me if any dare approach. I'm leaving you in charge, Dwalin. The rest of you, back to the Great Hall. Now. We find the Arkenstone tonight before we rest.”

Fili kept his head held high, blinking fast as he looked out over the ramparts toward Dale. His heart pounded loud in his ears and the space between his shoulder blades itched furiously. He knew for certain Dwalin's eyes were fixed on him as the first watches were called.

At his side Kili turned away from watching Dale. “I need to go to Ness. Will you be all right, Fee?”

Fili swallowed and nodded. “We need to go to the hall, brother.” He looked at Kili properly, noting his tight face. "We do. Kili. Don’t disobey him. Not today. Not on this.”

Kili smiled grimly and pulled him into a fierce hug, kissing his temple hard. “I love you, Fee. Always.”

Fili tried to return the hug but Kili was already gone, slipping from his arms and running lightly down the stairs.

* * *

Vanessa jumped as the door opened and breathed a light sigh of relief as Kili came in.

“Any more voices?” he asked.

“No, not yet.”

She kissed him as he kicked his boots off and joined her on the fur rug in front of the fire. He looked pale, she thought, as she touched his face. “Oh Kili, you feel cold.”

Quickly she helped him pull his tunic off, followed by his shirt and placed her hands flat on his chest. His skin felt clammy and his heart was racing. She tried to pull him closer to the fire but he wouldn’t move, looking at her a little strangely. She decided just to push on and fill the silence. “I think it’s best to just ignore them. The voices, I mean. If a determined dragon like Smaug can’t find a way to my world then I don’t think anyone can get in.”

I'll keep telling myself that anyway until I believe it, she thought with a shiver. It had been beyond terrifying to hear James and Matt's voices calling her from the swirling shadows under the bed. 

“I won’t lose you. Nobody is going to take you from me.”

Vanessa smiled gently at his serious face. “I know.”

“You’re mine, Ness. Only mine.”

“I'm yours, Kili." She nodded in agreement, wondering vaguely what had happened to upset him. “And you are mine.”

He smiled then, content, and kissed her hard, tugging her shirt over her head and pressing her back onto the rug gently.

“So. I was thinking...” He slowly began to unlace her. Vanessa lifted her hips to help him as he pulled her trousers off and parted her legs. He settled himself between her thighs and she wriggled a little in anticipation as he looked at her.

“I was thinking that I don’t remember very much about Lake-town. But I do remember what you did to me. Do you remember?”

He leant forward and kissed her, a hand lightly skimming down her body, tracing his fingertips over her. Vanessa felt the heat starting to pool in her belly as he trailed kisses down her throat, her chest and across her stomach, his fingers confidently stroking her. She heard herself whimper with pleasure as his lips touched her inner thigh.

He lifted his head. “Do you remember, Ness? Do you remember what you did?”

Vanessa nodded and gasped as his fingers slipped inside her and he touched his lips to her, his tongue. Her back arched and she clawed fingers into the rug as the first shudder ran through her. She felt him smile, the scratch of stubble against sensitive skin taking her breath away.

“Tell me, Ness. Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you.”

* * *

The knock on the door woke them. Kili sat up. “Who is it?”

“Kili, it’s me. I’m really sorry.”

Kili climbed over Vanessa, dropping a kiss on her forehead.

“Give me a moment, Fee.” He pulled on a pair of trousers and threw a shirt to Vanessa, waiting for her to pull it on before opening the door.

“I’m sorry. Kili, I-"

Vanessa watched as Kili pulled him on into the room and wrapped him in a tight hug.

“Don't. Fee, you are always welcome. Isn’t that right, Ness?”

She nodded, crossing her arms over her unbound chest self-consciously. “Yes, always.”

“You’re cold, come in.” Kili closed the door and took Fili’s hand, leading him unresisting to the dying fire and sitting him down in the chair. He dumped clothes onto the floor from the other chair and dragged it over to the fire. “Here you are, Ness.” 

Dropping to sit cross legged at Fili's feet he waited.

Fili sat with his head in his hands, fingers buried in his hair. Vanessa lifted a blanket from the bed to wrap it around herself and made her way to them, handing Kili another blanket. He threw it across Fili's shoulders.

Lifting his head with a whisper of thanks Fili smiled sadly at Vanessa, watching as she settled in the other chair.

“Fee. What’s happened?”

Fili sighed heavily and leaned back into his chair, covering his face with his hands. His voice was muffled. “It’s not there. We’ve searched and searched and it’s not there.”

“The Arkenstone?” whispered Vanessa. “But it must be.”

“It’s not. We finished the last sections and it’s not there. Thorin is so angry. He said...” Fili tailed off miserably. They watched him as he took a deep breath, his shoulders sagging as he breathed out heavily.

“What did he say?” Kili prompted gently at last, when nothing more was forthcoming. He placed his hands on Fili's knees.

Another long silence before Fili sighed and spoke from behind his fingers. “He said if anyone has found it and withheld it from him then he would be avenged.”

Kili shrugged. “I wouldn't worry. It’ll turn up, it’s probably just-”

“No.” Fili took his hands away from his face and looked sadly down at Kili. “No. You don't understand. He looked at me. Kili, Thorin looked at me when he said it.”

Vanessa stared at Fili as he looked between her and Kili.

“Don't either of you understand? Thorin thinks I’ve taken it. He thinks I've taken the Arkenstone.”

Shaking his head firmly Kili sat up onto his knees and pulled Fili forward, wrapping his arms around his stricken brother, kissing him and stroking his hair.

“No, Fee. Of course he doesn’t.” He pulled Fili's head down to his shoulder, rubbing his back. “Uncle Thorin would never think that of you. He would never doubt your loyalty. Not ever. Not even for a moment. You've imagined it, brother. It’s very late and you’re tired.”

Vanessa watched sadly as Fili shook his head, his arm wrapped tightly around Kili’s waist. Kili looked back over his shoulder at her, asking permission. She nodded.

“You’re staying here with us, Fee.”

“No, I’ll go back. I just-”

Kili stood and pulled Fili to his feet. “I won’t hear any arguments. You need to sleep. Come on.”

Ignoring Fili’s half hearted protests Vanessa and Kili helped him off with his boots and tunic and between them pushed and pulled him onto the bed.

“Close your eyes for me, my brother.” Kili climbed in beside Fili and wrapped an arm around him as he beckoned Vanessa in. “We'll sort everything out in the morning.”

* * *

Vanessa managed to block the sword blow and staggered, barely keeping her feet.

“Get out of the way!" shouted Fili. "You need to keep moving.”

Kili's practice sword touched her neck lightly. “Dead again.”

She scowled at him, panting hard as he grinned back at her. 

"But you are getting a little better. I might have to start trying soon.”

“You-”

Fili pushed himself away from the wall and took her shield and sword. “Right, watch closely and then you’re back on.”

* * *

“This doesn’t feel right, Dwalin.”

“He's our king, Nori. And he wants this done so we’ll do it.”

Dwalin placed his hand on the door and sighed. “Look, it doesn’t sit right with me either so let’s just get it done and over with.”

“Fine.” Nori huffed out a breath as Dwalin checked the corridor one last time and opened the door. "You start that side. And don’t forget to put everything back exactly as you found it.”

Dwalin nodded and lifted Kili’s quiver, shaking the arrows out carefully.

* * *

Vanessa looked at Fili with concern as he leaned carefully back against the wall beside her. “You’re pushing yourself too hard."

He took his hand quickly away from his ribs and smiled at her. “Nori just got me exactly in the right spot. I’m fine.”

They watched as Kili flung Nori away with a laugh and spun, kicking up a cloud of dust from the flagstones, to clash swords with Dwalin.

It’s not really a fair fight, she thought, not now he doesn't have Fili at his back. Maybe I should go in, try and trip Nori up or something. She looked around for a sword.

“I’ve made a decision.” Fili touched her arm to get her attention. He lowered his voice and she leaned in. “I want you to talk to Bilbo. Tell him everything about the mirror. And I mean everything. Not just the scraps you told me.”

“Bilbo?”

“Yes. I trust him. I don't know who else I can trust at the moment outside Kili and you. Maybe Kili’s right and I’m imagining things. Maybe there is a sickness and it's affecting me, clouding my mind. Maybe..."

She waited as Fili furrowed his brow in thought.

He shook his head. “Talk it over with Bilbo. But I still want you to tell me everything, I can’t decide what to do if I don’t know it all.” He looked at his boots then back up to her. “You’re not being fair on me.”

“I don't-"

“Ness. I know when you are lying to me. So don’t look into my eyes and lie to me now. Please. You are not protecting me by hiding it from me. It makes it worse, the not knowing. I feel like...” Fili shook his head again as if to clear it. “Talk to Bilbo, ask his advice. Then come back to me and tell me everything he said.”

“I still think we should tell Thorin. And we need to tell Kili. Keeping secrets from him isn’t fair.” She felt the blush creep up her face as he looked steadily at her. “About the mirror I mean. Not, you know. Anything else.”

Fili turned away and watched Kili narrowly dodge a lunge from Dwalin. “I don’t know. It’s not clear to me what to do for the best.” He smiled but there was no humour in it. “I’m not used to being this indecisive, I don't like it.”

Vanessa stayed silent, watching him as he tugged at his lip, his eyes unfocused. Lost in his thoughts.

“No. Bilbo first. That feels like the right path. We'll work out where to go from there.” Fili lowered his voice further. “But be careful. Assume you’re being watched.”

* * *

“Bilbo.” Vanessa set her empty bowl down and looked along the table. “Would you mind helping me with something after dinner? Bombur and I found some preserves earlier and we couldn’t decide if they were good or not. But we thought you might know.”

“They'll be pretty old.” Bilbo screwed up his nose. “I don’t think-”

“I’m not asking you to eat them. Just to take a look. I thought they were fine but Bombur says no.”

“They were not fine." Bombur laughed as he gathered up the empty dishes. “I’m telling you-”

“They are.” Vanessa gave Bilbo her best smile. “Please.”

“I’ll give you a second opinion.” Kili gave her a nudge. “Fee can have a try too. I think Bilbo might be too discerning.”

“You’re up on watch next, remember?” She smiled at him. “But if Bilbo gives them a pass I’ll bring you up a whole jar.”

He grinned at her and drained his bowl before standing up. “Something to look forward to. Right, I’ll go and send Gloin down for his. Are you on tonight, Fee?”

Fili shook his head slowly, apparently absorbed in tracing a knot on the table with his fingers. Vanessa watched his hair trail over his shoulders, spilling on to the table as he rested his cheek on the heel of one hand. Her arms suddenly ached to hold him.

Dwalin reached to pat his shoulder. “Thorin said not to include you for a while. Let you rest up.”

“Which reminds me, I need to have a look at those ribs of yours again, lad. You’re not healing as you should,” said Oin from across the table. “Dwalin said you were struggling today.”

“I’m fine.”

“Course you are. But humour an old dwarf and let me take a look at you. Come on, finish up your dinner and then after we're done you can go up and sit and keep Kili company for a little while.”

Kili nodded, looking down with concern. He smoothed his face and smiled brightly when he noticed Vanessa looking at him. “I’ll see you in a bit, Fee.” He leaned down and kissed her. “Don’t be long, Ness.”

* * *

Vanessa led Bilbo down through the maze of storerooms and into one of the side chambers. With a last glance to make sure there was no-one else about she closed the heavy door behind them.

“Is this it?” Bilbo lifted one of the jars she and Bombur had abandoned on the bench.

“Don’t open it, it's rancid. You'll be smelling it for hours. Trust me.”

He stopped unscrewing the jar and set it back down carefully, “Then what-"

“I needed to talk to you. Fili sent me.”

“Oh.” Bilbo sat down on a barrel.

“Good idea. I’ll be as quick as I can about this so no questions or interruptions until I’m finished. We can say that we were arguing about jam or whatever that stuff used to be but that’ll only hold so long.”

He nodded and she began to pace as she told him.

“And that’s it. So, what do you think?”

Bilbo stared at her, his mouth open, face pale.

“You really need to talk to me, Bilbo. We’re on the clock here.”

“Ness...” Bilbo swallowed and tried again. “Ness. This is all terrible. Are you sure?”

“No. No. I’m not sure. All I’ve got is recognising the two orcs, the trees, dragon and the valley.” She ticked them off on her fingers. “And the tombs. I recognise the tombs. I’ve no idea of timeframe. It could all happen tomorrow, or in fifty years time, or never.”

Vanessa chewed on her thumb and gestured at Bilbo with her free hand. “I've been thinking. These lads age so slowly, so maybe we have more time. The tombs could be far, far away. Maybe the orcs won’t come for ages. Or maybe enough has changed and it will never happen at all?”

She looked at him hopefully.

“Oh, Ness.”

“I know. I don't believe it either. It's Azog. He's probably outside right now sharpening up his claw thing.”

“And you told Fili.”

“In Lake-town, after Gandalf wasn’t at the outlook. Gandalf had said I needed to tell him everything and that he would work out what to do. He would tell me what to do. He said that he wasn’t sure if we could or should change anything. That it might be for the greater good to...” She stopped herself as her voice cracked and swallowed hard. “Turns out I don’t care much about the greater good and Gandalf isn’t here to tell me what to do and I can’t do this on my own.”

The last came out a bit louder than she had intended, Vanessa glanced over her shoulder at the closed door. She lowered her voice again. “I didn’t tell Fili everything. Not all the details, I couldn't. His face. I've never watched someone's heart break in front of me before. I never want to see him look like that again. I wish I had never told him.”

She tailed off, not entirely sure that was completely truthful. “But I didn't tell him about the child, or the part where I saw them lying...” She choked again, shoved the heels of her hands in her eyes and breathed hard for a moment. 

“Down in the tombs here?” Bilbo finished for her.

“I didn’t know that then but yes. Down there.”

“So the battle must have been won.” Bilbo raised his eyebrows at her as she stared back at him uncomprehendingly. He spoke slowly. “If the orcs had won then the dwarves lose Erebor. They wouldn’t be able to bury them in the tombs.”

“Oh.” That hadn't occurred to her. She shook her head, it didn’t matter. “We can’t let them die. I won’t lose them.”

“Let me think, Ness. We've been here too long already. Let me think it over.”

She nodded. “Thank you, thank you.”

* * *

The icy wind swept smoke from the braziers across the ramparts and into her eyes, making them water instantly as she climbed up the final few steps. Kili smiled broadly at her from beside one of the fires, sharing a quick glance with Fili across the flames. Both of them looking a bit shifty.

Holding out a hand Kili beckoned her forward. “And where's my present?”

Wiping at her streaming eyes and wrapping her cloak tighter around herself against the cold she made her way across to him.

“Sorry." She shrugged. “I was wrong. Bilbo says they're definitely off. And what he doesn’t know about preserves isn’t worth knowing.”

He hugged her to him. “Never mind. You’ll learn these things as you go.”

“All quiet up here?” She peered over the wall at the lights down in the valley. “They must be cold down there, poor sods.”

Fili nodded. “Thorin won’t change his mind, not now.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. "I’m tired, I might try and sleep.”

“Do you want to go too, Ness? I’ve a few more hours here.”

“No, no.” Fili laughed. “No, I’ll go back to the others tonight. I need to learn how to sleep alone, brother.” He smiled at Kili’s face and threw his arms around the two of them. “I do. I can’t always share your bed. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

They watched him go. Kili sighed heavily once Fili's footsteps faded away and turned back to his post. Pulling her in front of him and wrapping his arms around her as they stared out into the darkness towards Dale. He kissed her neck gently.

“I need to tell you something, Ness.”

Vanessa tried to turn in his arms and face him but he held her tightly in place.

“Thorin spoke with me. I’m really sorry. He won’t allow us to stay.”

She wriggled and he released her enough so she could turn and look at him. “Oh, Kili.”

“I know. I was certain he'd come round too. Once he'd heard properly about Lake-town.” He drew her head down onto his shoulder and stroked her neck. “I won't be a prince anymore. We'll be on our own. Will I be enough?”

Vanessa pulled her head free and looked up into his worried face. “What do you mean? Of course you’ll be enough.” She slid her arms around his waist and hugged him to her, hard. “More than enough.”

Looking relieved he pressed his lips to hers lightly. “I’ve told Fee. I think he knew.”

“Oh.” Her heart broke for them.

Dale, she thought, we'll figure out how to fix the orc thing and then we can go to Dale. It’ll not be nearly the same but Fili could visit all the time. And the others. And his mum.

She felt the usual little flutter of panic when she thought about his mum.

Fili will help, she told herself. We can maybe do a weekly dinner or something. It'll be fine. But we'll have to stop him murdering the Master of course. And half the guards.

She realised he was looking at her curiously, she must have been muttering. “I’m so sorry, Kili. But we don’t have to go far, do we? Thorin will let....”

She tailed off as he shook his head. “But. Your family?”

He shook his head again, once, and broke eye contact with her. She watched him as he stared over her head resolutely toward Dale, his jaw set.

Vanessa felt cold wash over her. “No. Kili, no. You can’t give everything up for me, that’s not fair. It’s too much. I won’t let you.”

“I’ve made my choice.” He smiled down at her, a genuine smile. “I love you, my Ness, more than anything. But I’d like to stay as long as we can, so I’m going to pretend to Thorin that I'm struggling with my decision. You understand, don't you? I’m worried about leaving Fee with the way things are just now, the way he’s feeling.”

He kissed the top of her head. “You’re shivering, why don’t you go in?”

“No.” Vanessa tightened her arms around his waist, pressing her face hard against his chest. Looking up as she felt him stiffen. “Kili?”

He leaned forward, not taking his eyes from the valley. “Something’s happening down there. Run and fetch Fee and Dwalin, would you?”


	44. This will be war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The elves arrive in Dale.

Dwalin peered down into the valley. “My eyes aren't as good as yours, lads.”

“I can definitely see a lot of movement,” said Fili, leaning over the ramparts as far as he could. He pointed. “There. Another one. Something definitely flashed. Gold.”

“I saw it too, brother.” Kili jumped down from his position on top of the ramparts. “Should we fetch Thorin?”

Dwalin nodded. “I’ll go. He will want to know.”

They watched him as he jogged down the stairs.

“Right.” Vanessa touched Kili’s arm and stretched up to kiss him on the cheek. “I’m off before Thorin gets here, I’ll see you later. Fili?”

Fili shook his head. “I’ll stay. Wait. Ness, wait. Where’s mine?”

Vanessa turned and ran back up the steps. “Honestly, if he catches me.” She kissed a smiling Fili on the cheek as Kili laughed. “Everyone happy now? Good.”

“One more for me." Kili caught her in his arms, swinging her off her feet as she raced back for the stairs. “Off you go now then. Sleep well, Ness.”

* * *

Vanessa clutched her chest as Bilbo stepped out from the shadows around the door. “Bilbo. What the-"

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Where’s Kili? Can we talk?” Bilbo looked up and down the corridor anxiously.

“Of course. Kili’s still up on watch.” She pushed open the door and ushered him in. “Come in.”

Vanessa fed the fire while Bilbo settled down in the chair, looking around. “This is all very cosy," he said. 

“It’s nice isn’t it?”

He peered into the corner near the bed. “Ness. I don't want to scare you but something big just moved in that corner.”

“Oh, that’s my shadows. Don’t worry, they’re harmless. I think. If you hear anything just ignore it. And don’t touch them.” She shivered.

Bilbo stared at her, then back at the corner.

“I know. Creepy. I don’t have anything to offer you, I’m sorry.” Vanessa pulled a chair opposite and sat down. “Is this about earlier?”

Bilbo nodded, still staring into the shadows. Dragging his eyes away he looked at her. “Firstly, thank you for trusting me with this. I didn’t want to know any of it but I will help in any way I can.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ve thought it over, several times, and I agree with Fili. You need to tell him everything. It’s worse for him not to know all of it, it’s not fair. He’ll drive himself mad trying to guess what he doesn't know. And you need to tell Kili.”

“What about Thorin?”

“I don’t know. I don't know if Thorin is the frame of mind to listen. He has grown suspicious. And he doesn't trust you, I'm sorry.”

Bilbo carried on when she shrugged. “I think if we meet here, or somewhere safe, the four of us, as soon as we can and we tell Kili and talk it out.”

“He's going to be so hurt.” Vanessa felt herself pale at the thought. “And you agree with me, we need to fix this?”

Bilbo shrugged. “I don’t know about the greater good, I only know that they are my friends and I will do everything in my power to save them. All three of them. If we can.”

“Agreed, that’s settled then. Thank you again, Bilbo.”

He stood and gave her a warm hug. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

* * *

Vanessa threw the covers off as the dawn began to lighten the room. Kili had not returned and she had tossed and turned, unable to sleep. She stretched and went looking for him.

She found the Company gathered along the ramparts, looking out in silence toward Dale. Bofur turned to her with something like his usual cheerful grin as she crept up the stairs. With a nod to him in reply Vanessa slipped between them and sidled over to Fili, standing to one side on his own. She slipped her hand into his and he smiled down at her grimly.

“Elves,” he whispered. “The elves have arrived in Dale.” He pulled her in front of him and she leaned out over the ramparts to look, feeling his fingers hook into her belt as she stood on tiptoe.

In front of Dale stood an army, glittering golden in the early rays of sunlight. More gold flashed throughout the city streets and she thought she could see a huge campsite spread out south of dale, beyond the curve in the river. Settling back down on to her feet she puffed out a breath and twisted to look up at him. “Who is it?”

“Thranduil, almost certainly.”

“There's a lot of them.”

He smiled faintly and looked down at her. “There is.”

“Why is he here?”

Vanessa turned back to look at the elven ranks, tried to count. She felt him shrug, his chest lifting against her back, hair mingling with hers as he rested his cheek against her head and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Have you all been out here all night?"

A nod this time, stubble scraping against her scalp.

Vanessa stroked his forearm in what she hoped was a comforting way, his arms tightened a little. He has to be exhausted, she thought. He's barely slept in days. She wondered if she could persuade him to go and rest for a few hours. Kili too. He'd sleep better if Kili was with him.

She looked over to where Kili stood at Thorin's side, the two of them speaking in low voices with Balin and Dwalin. “Why are you over here on your own?” she whispered.

He shrugged again and lowered his head, the movement causing a braid to fall slowly down her neck, like a gentle caress. He spoke softly into her ear. “I’m not on my own now.”

The breath caught in her throat. She started as a murmur rippled through the Company.

A rider had crossed the bridge at Dale, the elves parting as one to form a clear path. Fili leaned forward, resting a hand flat on the rampart.

“Bard.” He looked across the assembled Company. “Uncle. It’s Bard.”

Vanessa shrank against the wall as Thorin turned. His gaze swept over them, resting briefly on Fili’s hand, now curved lightly around her hip. Thorin nodded and spoke quietly to Kili at his right hand.

Kili nodded, not taking his eyes from the rider. “Yes, Uncle, it’s Bard.”

They waited in silence as Bard approached and dismounted. “Thorin!" Bard called cheerily. “We are glad to find you alive beyond hope.”

Thorin glared down at him. “If that is true, then why do you come to the gates of the King under the Mountain armed for war?”

“And why does the King under the Mountain fence himself in like a robber in his hole?” Bard looked along the assembled Company and nodded to Fili with a small smile.

Vanessa felt Fili shift behind her and knew without looking that he had returned the gesture.

No, she thought. Fili, no.

She glanced as surreptitiously at Thorin as she could, hoping he'd missed it. Of course he hadn't. The expression on his face turned her spine to ice.

“Perhaps,” said Thorin slowly, looking back down at Bard, his face thoughtful. “Perhaps it is because I’m expecting to be robbed.”

“My Lord.” Bard indicated back at Dale. “We have not come to rob you, but to seek fair settlement. Would you not come down and speak with me?”

Kili joined them as Thorin swept down the stairs. “Elves,” he muttered, “as if we didn’t have enough problems.”

He leaned in close. “Thorin has instructed Balin to send a raven to Dain in the Iron Hills, he has commanded Dain come in all haste.”

Fili nodded as he released her. “There will be no peace then.”

“I expect not. We-"

“You need to go now, brother.” Fili turned to Kili and gripped his forearm, looking into his eyes. “You need to go now. Right away. Before Thorin closes Erebor. You have no time."

She looked between them as she felt Fili take a hold of her arm. A light but firm push toward the steps. 

"Take Ness and get out the hunting passage before they collapse the tunnel. Now, whilst he's distracted with Bard. Go home, Kili. Go home to our mother while you can.”

“I cannot.” Kili shook his head. “I will not. We'll stay with you as long as we can. Ness?”

Vanessa nodded and Kili smiled at her warmly.

“You mustn't worry, Fee. Thorin will throw us out well before Dain arrives. Until then I am by your side, as always. We both are.”

“Then you are fools. The pair of you," Fili hissed angrily. “But you are the bigger fool." Fili pointed a finger in her face without taking his eyes from Kili, Vanessa took a step back reflexively. "For she knows no better. This will be war. It will be war. And Ness cannot be here.”

The brothers glared at each other.

Vanessa jumped as Thorin roared from below them.

“Begone, before our arrows fly!”

She spun to lean over the ramparts. Bard came back into view, mounted his horse and galloped back towards Dale, hoofbeats echoing on the road. Her heart sank as she watched the elves moving, preparing to return into Dale.

Bilbo bravely waylaid Thorin on his return to the Company. “Thorin, what are you doing? You cannot think to go to war?”

Thorin smiled at the hobbit. “This does not concern you, Bilbo.” He patted Bilbo kindly and stepped past, stopping and looking faintly amused as Bilbo grabbed a hold of his sleeve and tried again.

“It most certainly does. In case you haven’t noticed, there is an actual army of elves out there. Not to mention hundreds of angry fishermen. We are, in fact, outnumbered.”

“Not for long.” Thorin removed Bilbo’s hand and turned away to address the Company. “We have Erebor. Now we defend it. No-one enters and no-one leaves without my approval. Gloin, Dori. I want all entrances secured. Dwalin, set a double watch on the gate. Ori, to the forges. I want as much flash flame brewed as you can, set up the workspace and Balin will join you later. Bring a supply up here when you are done. Bombur and Bofur, you are in charge of our supplies. Make them last.

"The rest of you, we will find the Arkenstone if I have to tear this mountain apart stone by stone to do it. Kili, Balin, with me.”

As he strode towards the steps Thorin stopped and turned to face Fili, an unreadable expression on his face. “She is your responsibility now. Keep her out of my way.”

* * *

“I need to talk to Thorin.” The stone bounced back hard from the centre of the rock they’d chosen as a target, skittering away across the flagstones. Fili smiled in satisfaction and sat down. He gave Ness a little nudge when she showed no sign of moving. “Your turn.”

Ness bounced her own stone on the palm of her hand as she stood and moved to the mark. Deliberately ignoring his comment about Thorin, he felt. Drumming his heels gently against the rock he watched her move into position and take her aim. Her brow furrowed as she concentrated, the tip of her tongue held between her teeth.

I'll would have to break her of that habit, he thought. In battle she'll bite her own tongue off. Not that she'll be anywhere near a battle, he reminded himself, I'll throw her in a cell first. Possibly with my fool brother. He nodded and drummed a little harder to encourage her, pleased with her stance as she drew her arm back.

A good, strong throw and the stone struck the rock, well off centre but still a hit. He laughed and clapped as she hissed in annoyance.

“You put me off.” She pointed at him accusingly, turning her back and stomping her way towards the rubble scattered across the breach in the Gallery wall. “I’m bored of this game.”

Fili watched as she climbed the first rock and sprang lightly from it to the next, arms held out for balance.

Her voice floated back to him as she grumbled, “I know I said ‘don't be letting me win’. But, you know, you could let me win occasionally.”

“You told me not to let you win. Repeatedly. You made me promise." Fili considered the rocks suspended precariously above the gap Smaug had left in the Gallery. “Careful, Ness. That’s all very unstable above you.”

“Surely the elves could climb in through this.” Ness leaned out over the edge, making his heart beat faster. Fili jumped off the rock. "I suppose you could pick them off from down there on the battlements easy enough. But if there was enough of them. Or if they came at night.”

She took a step back from the edge and spun to hop up onto a large piece of rubble. Arms outstretched she balanced easily on one leg and grinned at him.

“It would be too risky.” Fili started to pick his way across the stones towards her, wishing she would come a little further away from the edge. There was no point telling her to move, he recognised the stubborn look on her face. “The Elvenking won't throw away lives when all he needs to do is starve us out," he said as he moved closer. "But don't worry, I’m sure it’s on my uncle's list. This place will be blocked off soon. I expect they’ll collapse the tunnels at each entrance rather than filling this gap though. So enjoy the view while you can.”

“Oh yes, it’s just lovely.” Ness spun, both feet on the rock now thankfully. She waved her hand out at the valley. “Tell me. Which is your favourite bit, Fili? Is it the city of Dale, who hate us? Perhaps it's the army of thousands of woodland elves, all decked out for war? Maybe it’s looking down at the guarded gate below?”

She sighed, her shoulders slumping, and stared out at the mountains flanks, lit by the weak afternoon sun. As he reached the rock she balanced on she straightened and pointed. “What’s that bit over there?”

Fili looked up warily at the stone directly above their heads. Definitely unstable. “Come away from there. Kili will never forgive me if half a mountain lands on your head.” Reaching up he hooked his fingers through her belt and pulled her backward sharply, catching her with a smile as she lost her balance and fell with an angry squawk against his chest.

Wrapping an arm securely around her waist Fili lifted her back a few steps. He ignored her as she pushed against him and waited for her to settle down. "Which bit exactly are you looking at?”

She pointed and he followed her finger through the gap, across to the old fortress.

“Oh, that’s Ravenhill. One of the old guard posts. It’s just ruins now.”

“It’s creepy.” Ness stared out at Ravenhill, brow furrowed. “Can we see it any better from higher up?”

Fili thought for a bit, walking her back another few steps, just in case. “I don’t think so. The forges are above us but there's no windows up there as far as I know. There is a stair that leads from the mountain to Ravenhill. Well, to the ridge anyway, but it'll be guarded, or more likely blocked by now I would imagine.”

“Can we go and check?”

“We can’t leave the mountain.” Fili turned her and searched her face. This was more than boredom or curiosity. She looked worried. He thought of her visions. “Do you recognise it, Ness?”

Ness shook her head. “No. But I kind of feel like I need to see it closer.”

Fili stared at her for a long moment, trying to work out if she was lying to him. He didn't think so. “Fine. But we'll need to be quick, if it’s not blocked yet it will be soon.” He took her hand firmly in his and she followed him between the pillars and out to the stairs.

* * *

Kili shifted restlessly as Balin and Thorin pored over the maps, talking together in low voices. He was bored. 

He wondered what Fili and Ness were up to. 

“Uncle, shouldn’t Fili be here? I do appreciate you involving me but-” He stopped at the look on Thorin's face.

“You are also my heir, my Kili. Until such times as you tell me otherwise. And I recall that you were always very clever with maps and suchlike. You have travelled, you are a skilled hunter, you know as well as anyone how far is possible in a day. Come. Help us.”

Kili moved forward and Thorin pulled him in to the table.

“I want your opinion, Kili. Yours. I feel that I have not listened to you in the past as I should have and I would put that right.”

Kili touched his fingers to the map, feeling himself flush a little with pride. He looked up at Thorin. With a fond smile and a nod Thorin continued, “Balin feels we are looking at two weeks minimum before Dain arrives. What do you think, my sister-son?”

* * *

Ness stood and stared into the dark, quiet tunnel. Fili faced back the way they had come, listening hard for Gloin or Dori. He turned back to her. “This would definitely fall under leaving the mountain.”

She didn’t take her eyes away from the tunnel mouth.

He tried again. “I’m not sure Thorin would forgive me. Or you.”

“I think me and Thorin are well past that. How far is it?”

“A few miles. Three at most.” Mostly uphill, he thought as he watched her consider it.

"We'll be back in no time. That's less than an hour.” Her eyes were shining, pleading. “Just a quick look. Please.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Just a feeling.”

Fili looked at her properly. Both pupils large in the gloom of the passageway, making her eyes appear wholly black. He shivered, despite the warmth of the mountain.

“Please. I can’t see well enough in the dark to go on my own.”

As if I’d let you go by yourself, Fili thought. He ran through the weapons he had on him. No swords, not nearly enough knives. He'd become complacent within the safety of the mountain. He sighed. There was no time. It would have to do. “Come on then." He took her hand. "Follow me.”

* * *

Fili ran as fast as he dared for as long as he could, reminding himself that she could see next to nothing. As they ran the tunnel led them steadily further down, into the complete darkness where even he could see little.

He slowed to a fast walk, fingertips skating along the wall to his left. The fingers of his right hand interlaced with hers, her other hand clutching his wrist tightly. The wall at his left hand dropped away and he stopped, she collided with him.

“What’s wrong?” Her voice was higher than usual. Frightened, he realised.

“Nothing.” Fili thought back to the maps he had eagerly studied with Kili back at their mother's kitchen table. Straight on, he decided.

Her hand fisted into his tunic and she pressed herself tightly to him, her warm softness and scent a distraction. He breathed deep and lost himself for the briefest of moments.

“We're at a junction, I’m just thinking." He pushed away the other, more traitorous, thoughts. "You don’t have to hold on so tightly, Ness.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going to leave you.” He smiled at her, even though she couldn’t possibly see him. She'd hear it in his voice. “But I’m also not going to carry you, so you have to let me go a little bit and trust me.”

He felt the disturbance in the air as she nodded and waited while she transferred her grip. Her hand sliding across his chest, groping her way back to his wrist. "Ready?"

She mumbled something that sounded like a yes and he led her on. Not far after the junction they began to climb a gradual slope followed by steep steps hewn into the rock, the cold light beginning to return. Ness slackened her grip on him, releasing his wrist but holding lightly onto his fingers.

Fili looked up the steps as they left the tunnel, truly outside the mountain now. "Can you run up these, Ness? We need to be faster.”

“Can you?”

He didn’t miss the concerned glance at his chest.

“Or should you, Fili?”

Fili dropped her hand, a little insulted. “Come on then, I’ll have more than a few bruised ribs to worry about if we get caught out here.”

He looked up at Erebor stretching into the sky above them, then up to follow the curving path of the steps toward the ridge. He was fairly confident that they shouldn’t be directly visible from the gate but if anyone walked into the Gallery they might spot the movement.

“Keep your hood up and follow me.” He pulled his own up, making sure his hair was well covered.

They raced up the steps, lungs burning in the cold air. Fili felt the tugging somewhere behind his ribs and gritted his teeth, determined not to stop until she did. He pulled further ahead of her, forced his legs faster.

After what felt like an eternity the steps ended and the path flattened out. With legs burning and a very definite sharp pain in his chest Fili put out a hand for her to halt, feeling a little better about himself as she stumbled to a stop. She put her head to her knees, panting hard.

“Well done, Ness,” he said, getting a ragged gasp and what he thought was some swearing from her in reply.

He looked back towards the mountain. The stair had turned back upon itself on their way up and he could partially see the gate. “This is a really terrible idea, we're going to be seen. We have to go back.”

“Wait." She reached out and clutched his forearm. “That was a lot of steps. Let me just get my breath.”

Fili smiled at her as she raised her head and pulled herself back to standing using his arm for support. The blood drained from her face as she looked over his shoulder. Turning swiftly he pulled a knife and pushed her firmly behind him, expecting to see someone approaching along the ridge. There was no-one in sight. 

He glanced back to her. She looked like she was going to faint. “Ness?” he asked, wrapping an arm tightly around her waist to steady her. He tucked the knife away and touched his fingertips to her face. She was cold. “Do you need to sit for a moment? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine. Let’s go back.” She pulled at his tunic, looking close to tears. “Come on, let’s go.”

With a bad feeling in his stomach Fili looked over his shoulder, back along the ridge toward Ravenhill, shaking off her hand as she tried to stop him. Nothing but ruins and black rock outlined starkly against the snow.

“Come on, Fili.” She leaned against him, her hand on his jaw, fingernails digging into his skin as she tried to turn his head back towards her. “We need to go. Fili, you said we needed to go. Please.”

Fili stared at the ruins, the crumbling towers of the old fortification and suddenly he knew.

“You recognise it.” He turned back to her, reading the truth in the tears on her face. “You know this place.”

She was shaking her head hard, a clumsy attempt at a lie to protect him. “I was wrong to come up here. I was wrong. We need to go.”

Fili tried to smile. He felt like it didn’t quite work so he touched his forehead to hers instead and hushed her gently as she tried to choke back a sob. “We'll go now. Take a big breath for me. Good girl.” Tucking her in to his shoulder he moved her along the path, keeping an eye on the mountain as she clung tightly to him.

He went first down the stairs, moving quickly, hearing her hiccuping sadly behind him. So that’s where it happens, he thought. At least I now know where Azog will be I suppose. And if I stay away from there then it'll be on the battlefield instead. A noble death in battle rather than an execution. He assumed that would be what would happen in the tower. But if it's on the battlefield then Uncle Thorin dies too.

Fili tapped his teeth with his fingernail as he thought. Ness definitely hadn’t mentioned seeing Thorin up at Ravenhill. Just the tower and Kili with Bolg at the black rocks. His belly cramped painfully at the thought of Kili hurt. No, his mind whispered cruelly to him, not hurt. Broken and dying.

He tried to push thoughts of his brother to one side and concentrate. He needed a plan. A barely heard noise interrupted his thoughts and he stopped, Ness walking into him.

Fili turned and put his hand over her mouth, raising a finger to his lips as the echo of heavy boots drifted out of the tunnel.


	45. She plans to destroy me completely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili to the rescue.

Bilbo looked up into the darkness, certain that he'd heard something that time.

A small trickle of pebbles and dust rolled down from above them and pattered onto the flagstones. He looked at it curiously, glanced back up. “Bofur?”

“Jumping at shadows again?” Bofur tutted as he turned and leaned back against the ramparts with a smile. “Calm yourself, there’s nothing but mountain above us. And nothing but rocks below us.”

He laughed when Bilbo didn't look convinced. “There was a lot of demolition today, the mountain is just settling. You're safe, my jumpy little hobbit, I promise.”

“Safe?” Bilbo laughed mirthlessly. “We are far from safe. You know as well as-"

Bofur placed a finger to his lips. “Hush, we can be overheard. Even here. You must be careful.”

* * *

Vanessa dragged herself over and into the Gallery, before turning back to help Fili. He rolled over the edge and lay on his back, panting hard. She held a finger to her lips. “I'm pretty sure Bilbo heard us,” she whispered. “Can you move?”

He nodded and she staggered to her feet, helping to pull him up and further away from the edge.

“That was a terrible plan,” he whispered back, once they were past the rubble. “I nearly came off so many times.”

“I know.” She smiled at him. “I feel like I’ve aged ten years in the last hour. You did really well, that was a very hard climb. Let’s get out of here because I don’t know about you but I want wine. Lots of it."

Fili nodded. “Agreed.”.He smiled and took her hand, leading them past the gold lake and toward the stairs.

“Oh.”

Fili cursed quietly at her side.

"Well," she said, looking up at the pile of rocks blocking their path, "they’ve certainly been busy.”

Hand in hand they walked all the way around the chamber, all the lower exits were blocked, likewise each of the stairwells. Even the massive hole Smaug had left when he'd entered the Gallery had been closed off securely, the ceiling above completely collapsed.

Determined not to admit defeat Fili climbed carefully up the rubble. Vanessa watched him anxiously from below as he examined the uppermost pieces of masonry. He made his way back down to her, a frown on his face, declaring that there was no way through.

So they sat in the rubble miserably.

“Do we climb down to the ramparts?” Vanessa asked him at last. “It’s Bilbo and Bofur, they'll understand. We can say we fell asleep or something."

Fili laughed quietly. “I think we'd need to do a bit better than that.”

He leant forward. Vanessa watched as he drew in the fresh dust covering the flagstones between his boots. Waited patiently for him to think it out and accept that hers was the only actual solution.

He lifted his head and looked at her. “The forges. They won’t block those off, we'll need them.”

“Sorry, what? What have forges to do with anything?” Vanessa looked around, completely confused. “You’ve lost me?”

Fili wiped his dusty fingers on his trousers and pointed as he explained. “There was a huge statue of King Thror there, at the end of the Gallery. Most of these blocks now filling this bit behind us were pieces of the statue’s cast.”

He pointed behind him at a large piece of stone. “See. That was part of the axe I think. And there's an eye up there. Anyway, none of that matters. Thorin filled the cast with gold, pulled apart the statue and poured the molten gold on Smaug. Hence the lake. And the gold that he filled the statue with poured in from that tunnel up there.”

Vanessa squinted upward into the gloom, following his finger.

“So that tunnel, Ness, that tunnel leads into the forges. We can get out through there.” He smiled at her, looking all pleased with himself.

"Have you gone mad?" Vanessa looked at him and back up at the tunnel. “I vote for climbing down to the ramparts.”

“No. I can’t do that climb again, not downward. It's too cold and windy. You might make it but I know for a certainty that I would fall.” He stood up, brushed at the dust on his tunic. “We’ll just shin up one of those chains, then up onto the ledge and on through the tunnel.”

“Oh, well that’s all right then. When you explain it like that. Easy.”

“That’s the spirit, up you get.” He pulled her to her feet and clapped her shoulder cheerily. "Just think how good the wine will taste after this.”

* * *

Fili wedged his boot through one of the chain links, put his full weight on and tugged hard, jigging up and down on the chain. “It’s secure.”

“It’s a long way.” She looked up the chain doubtfully as it swayed above them. It was a very long way.

“It’s just like a ladder, you go first.”

“Why am I going first?”

Fili stepped off the chain and pulled her towards it. “Ness, if you slip there's a chance I can stop you. But if I’m first and I slip...” He tailed off as she turned to him. “Anyway." He smiled brightly and grabbed her hand, wrapping her fingers around the chain and giving them a pat. "That won’t happen. Just get going. And don't sweat all over everything.”

Vanessa glared at him and placed a boot on the first link.

* * *

It was tough going. The links were easily wide enough for a boot, but too big around to grip easily in Vanessa’s hand. And the metal was slippery. And the chain turned and swung sickeningly with each movement. It was all very unpleasant. She climbed carefully, trying to get into a rhythm. Hooking an arm in securely before moving her feet, feeling her strength ebbing away. Her legs were shaking.

“So," Fili said, "I think it's fairly clear that the mirror showed you Ravenhill."

She stopped moving. 

"Did you see Thorin?”

Vanessa looked down between her boots to Fili’s upturned face, and beyond him to the floor of the Gallery far below. “I don’t feel like now is quite the right time for this.”

“Did you see him?" Fili reached up and slapped her boot. "Keep moving.”

Vanessa looked up and hooked into the next link. She sighed heavily as she moved her boot upward. Of course you realised, she thought sadly. She'd hoped that somehow, despite her falling apart, he wouldn't have made the connection. She sighed again, rejected trying to lie her way out of it. She couldn’t think of anything remotely plausible. Not when most of her brain was occupied with chittering at her that she was about to die a painful, splattery death. “I don’t think so. It was all swirly and horrible, but I don’t think I saw Thorin.”

“Just me and Kili.”

He sounded thoughtful. Vanessa felt him moving and the chain spun slowly with their weight. She closed her eyes briefly and pressed her forehead to the cool metal whilst her stomach did something twisty and unpleasant.

“Thanks. I haven’t asked you about how it went with Bilbo.”

She opened her eyes and glared down at him. "Really? Really? Now?”

He grinned at her. “Just thought it would take your mind off things, you know. Kili told me that you weren’t good with heights. I was quite surprised at that actually. Keep going, and don't throw up on me.”

“I am good with heights." She felt a little indignant. "It’s the walkways in this place. I don't know what you lot have against handrails, because I know you can make them. And I’m not liking this chain very much.”

“Us lot?” He snorted, sounding amused, then swore loudly. The chain clanked.

Vanessa looked down at him in panic.

“I’m fine, keep going. My foot slipped, that’s all. Look, I’ll tell you a story. Has Kili ever told you about the first time Thorin took us to the alehouse?”

She shook her head and he laughed.

“I didn't think he would have. This'll cheer you right up.”

Vanessa listened to him brightly telling his story as she climbed, tears in her eyes as she tried to push all thoughts of the dark, ruined towers of Ravenhill out of her head.

* * *

Kili stared out over the ramparts at the lights and campfires down in Dale. A smoke ring floated past his ear and on out into the darkness. He watched it as it disappeared.

“Dwalin?” Kili ran the toe of his boot along the stone as he thought how best to ask his question.

“Yes.”

“Does Uncle Thorin...” Kili turned, leaning back against the stone. He decided there was no good way to ask it. Making eye contact with Dwalin he sighed heavily and tried again. “Does Uncle Thorin think badly of Fee?”

Dwalin pushed himself up to standing and joined him at the wall, looking at him thoughtfully before he answered. “Kili. Your uncle is under a lot of pressure at the moment. He’s worried about a lot of things, not least of which is the Arkenstone. Each day without finding the jewel is another blow, especially now Dain is on his way.” Leaning his elbows on the ramparts Dwalin took another slow drag on his pipe.

Kili waited for an actual answer to his question.

“But why would you think that? Has Fili said something to you?”

Kili shrugged and studied his boot. Frowned at a fresh scuff on it. He licked his thumb and leant down, rubbing at the mark. “It was just a feeling.” He could feel Dwalin's eyes on him.

“Where is your brother anyway? I haven't seen him since this morning.”

“He's guarding Ness, so they could be anywhere.” Kili straightened and smiled. “They’re probably lost. I’ll go look for them after I finish here if they haven’t turned up.”

* * *

“Wait.”

Vanessa stopped reaching for the ledge and put her hand back through the chain.

Fili climbed closer until his feet were in the link just below hers and took a firm hold of her belt. “Got you, go now.”

She started to pull herself up and felt him boost her. His hand letting go off her belt to push her thigh and then her boot, almost throwing her across and into the Gallery wall as she scrabbled about on the smooth, narrow rock ledge for a grip.

“I’m up." She looked along the ledge, it seemed pretty stable. Thank goodness. “Fili." She leaned carefully out and pointed. “Reach up here, the bolt for the chain goes right up and through the ledge. It’ll be the only thing you can properly grab onto.”

“Stay back. Give me space.”

Vanessa heard the rattle of the chain as he climbed a little higher and then his hand shot over the edge, grabbing for the bolt and missing. He cursed as his hand slid on the flat rock and the chain clanked loudly. Her heart raced and she looked over in a panic.

“I’m fine.”

“Another inch and you’ll have it. I’ll get out of the way.” She shuffled back and he grunted with exertion and threw his arm over, catching the bolt this time. His other hand grabbed the ledge as he pulled his head over.

The chain chimed, rattling and clinking lightly. Vanessa realised that was the sound of his feet leaving the links and knew without looking that he was now suspended out over the Gallery floor. Scooting forward she grabbed at his tunic and then his belt as he pulled himself up slowly and rolled on to the ledge.

Fili opened his eyes to look up at her as he lay on his back, breathing hard. “You were meant to stay back.” He put a hand flat to his ribs. “I think Oin is going to have words with me.”

Vanessa gingerly crawled along the ledge and looked up the gold plated tunnel while he recovered. It wasn’t overly steep or long, she could see out into what she supposed was the forges.

But it didn’t need to be.

She looked down at her knees and through the gap in the ledge. Directly underneath the tunnel. The wide gap in the ledge where the gold would have originally funnelled into the statue. The easily body sized gap that now led straight down to the floor of the Gallery far, far below.

“Oh,” said Fili, at her shoulder.

Vanessa looked back at him. “Yes. Oh.”.She carefully reached a hand out and into the tunnel, felt him take a hold of her belt and her waist as she moved. She placed a hand on the tunnel wall and felt like crying. “This is really slick.” She turned to him. "We can't climb out this, we'll fall."

Fili sighed and collapsed against the wall. He smiled at her and stuck his feet out towards the edge. “Don't give up just yet, let's have a little rest and a think.”

He tugged at her belt and held out his other arm. “Come on, it’s actually quite a nice view from up here. The stars are all out.”

She crawled in beside him and he tucked her into his shoulder. Slinging an arm across his chest Vanessa curled in tightly to his warmth. She looked out through the destroyed end wall at the night sky, dusted with pinpricks of light, and smiled up at him as he dropped a kiss into her hair. His fingertips lightly stroked her neck.

“It is very pretty," she agreed.

* * *

“That’s Kili.”

Vanessa woke with a jerk as Fili moved beside her. He grabbed a hold of her and pulled her back down as she tried to scramble to her feet.

“Easy, Ness.”

She sat up and listened. “Is he on his own?”

“I don't know, I'm not sure it matters.”

They quickly got themselves up to their feet, straightening their clothes. Fili stood and leaned out across the gap and into the tunnel, gripping the edge tightly. Vanessa grabbed a hold of his belt.

“Kili!” he shouted, looking back at her with a grin and shaking his head. “Oof. I’ve just deafened myself a bit.” He looked down at her hands in his belt and frowned. “The only thing that'll achieve is taking you with me. Let go.”

Once she'd obeyed he smiled at her and stuck his head back into the tunnel.

“Kili! Kili!”

They heard the sound of running footsteps.

“Fee, what the...I've been looking everywhere. Is Ness with you?”

“She’s here, she’s fine. Go find a rope, would you?” Fili turned back to her and moved away from the tunnel entrance carefully, pushing her against the wall, away from the edge. He moved closer. "We're being rescued.”

Vanessa looked up at him. “He’s going to be so angry.”

Muttering drifted down the tunnel followed by a rope which slapped down the stone. Fili grabbed it and tied it round her waist securely, kissing her lightly on the forehead with a whispered, “Be careful.” He shouted up to Kili, “That’s Ness tied on!"

Vanessa felt the rope tighten and she moved carefully out to the gap. As she stepped onto the tunnel surface her foot skidded. She fell hard, bashing her knees and palms. Fili grabbed her, pulling her back to him.

“Sorry!" She shouted up to Kili and turned to Fili. “There's no grip.”

“Just hold on,” called Kili. “Hold on to the rope and I’ll pull you up.”

Vanessa looked down as Kili quickly hauled her through the tunnel and wished she hadn't. Her head spun. Kili trailed her over the edge and helped her to her feet, pulling the rope up and untying it from her waist. As she opened her mouth to apologise he held up a hand.

“Don’t. Don't say a word. Wait until I get him out and then I won’t have to repeat myself.” He gave her a quick kiss. “I am glad to see you though.”

“Can I help?”

“You can stay back.” Kili wrapped the rope around his waist and braced himself against the tunnel mouth, dropping the rope down. “Your turn, Fee!” he shouted.

* * *

They stood contritely with their heads bowed as Kili berated them. Vanessa blushed furiously as she caught Fili's eyes through his hair. He gave her a tentative smile. She smiled back.

“I feel like neither of you are taking this seriously.” Kili frowned, looking between them. “Honestly, Fee. Everyone says I’m the reckless one. It doesn’t feel like it right now, I can tell you.”

“I’m sorry." Fili was laughing now. “I really am. Come here, little brother.” He stepped forward and pulled a glowering Kili into a hug. “Thank you. Thank you for rescuing us.”

Kili rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Fili. “Fools. The pair of you. So which one of you is explaining what you were doing down there?”

Vanessa turned on the spot and looked up. “So these are the forges, they're massive. What happens, does this all get heated up?” She waved vaguely at the large structures.

“I'll give you a tour." Fili smiled at her, nodding happily. “It's impressive isn't it? A much bigger setup than anything I've ever seen before, or even read about. We can even have a go at making something maybe. You could join us if you're not busy, brother?”

Kili huffed out a breath. “She’s no more interest in forges than I have in knitting.” He paused as he thought. “Or, if we’re being entirely honest, forges.”

“Hush, brother, someone might hear. You are a dwarf, remember.”

Fili linked arms with Kili and extended a hand to Vanessa. “Come on, let’s all go and find something to drink.”

* * *

“Fee, what part of no-one is to leave the mountain wasn’t clear to you?”

Vanessa looked muzzily between the brothers, Fili was spinning a knife through his fingers which she felt probably wasn’t a good idea considering he was a bottle of wine in already and had eaten nothing since a poor breakfast. She watched the blade flash in the firelight.

And Kili looked like he was losing his temper, again.

“We just needed some air, brother.”

“No, Fee, no. Don’t lie to me. Not to me. What if Uncle Thorin found out that you had disobeyed him?” Kili crawled across and snatched the knife from Fili's hands, throwing it away hard. Vanessa watched as it bounced off the far wall and clattered to the stone. She thought for a while about going to fetch it.

By the time she turned back Kili had his brother's head in both hands. He gave Fili a rough shake, looking into his eyes.

“Tell me what is going on in your head, Fee.”

Vanessa pushed herself to her feet. They both looked at her. “I think I’ll go get more wine.”

Kili sighed and stood, releasing Fili. “Sit. I'll go. You'll only get yourself into trouble. You two stay here and when I get back I want the truth. All of it. I don’t like being lied to. By either of you.”

She sat and they looked at each other as the heavy door closed behind him.

“I’m not telling him. I won’t. I know you think he needs to know but I won’t ever agree. Ever.”

“That’s a conversation for sober us, Fili. Tomorrow us's problem if you will. We need to think of something to tell him right now.”

They stared at each other. Fili shook his head mulishly.

“I’m so sorry for making you go out there.” Vanessa crawled over and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m really sorry. For everything.”

Fili's arms slid around her and he dropped his head to her shoulder heavily. “I can’t tell him.”

“I know, I’m sorry.”

They pulled apart as the door opened. Kili set two jugs of water on the rug between them.

“No wine?”

“No wine, you’ll thank me tomorrow, Ness. Drink.” Kili settled himself down in front of them, cross legged. “Now, did you have enough time to get your stories straight? Who’s telling it?”

Vanessa cut across Fili as he opened his mouth. "It was my fault. I said I’d go alone if Fili didn’t come with me.”

“Go on.”

“Well. We were looking out at the mountainside from the Gallery and I saw the ruins up at Ravenhill and I just felt like I needed to take a closer look. It was just a feeling, silly really.”

She shrugged and smiled. He didn't smile back. Taking a breath she carried on. “So I persuaded Fili to take me out there. We thought we'd be out and back before they blocked the tunnel.”

“And when you got to Ravenhill?” Kili leant forward.

“We didn’t, we realised we could be seen from the gate and we turned and came back.”

Kili stared at her, his face thoughtful.

No good ever comes from filling silences, she reminded herself as it stretched between them. She tried to look back steadily into his eyes. 

“Are you a witch?”

“What?” Vanessa sputtered, wrong footed and suddenly regretting the wine.

“I don’t mind if you are. I just want you to be honest with me.” Kili paused before he continued, sounded a little sad. “I’m honest with you so it’s only fair.”

When she didn't respond he sat back and looked at her thoughtfully. “Thorin told me what you said to him at the barge. That you wanted him to tell Gandalf some garbled message about things you'd seen. That you were insistent and he realised then that you had seen Bolg before.”

Vanessa watched in growing horror as he ticked off points on his fingers.

“Then there's your resistance to certain magics. Your shadows that follow you around and call out to you. You ran the whole way from the overlook to Lake-town, that alone should have killed you. You brought Fili back to us.”

“What?” said Fili.

Kili’s face fell as he held up a finger to his brother. “Sorry, Fee. Give me a moment, I'm really sorry.” He looked back at her. “And now this feeling about Ravenhill.”

Realisation dawned on his face as he stared at her. “A feeling. Your dreams, the terrible dreams you have. They’re your feelings aren't they? My poor Ness.” He moved closer, staring closely at her. “I’m right, aren't I?”

“I...” Vanessa stopped, no idea how to even begin to respond.

“What did you mean by brought me back? Back from where?” Fili asked. “Do you mean because she swam the lake? That’s hardly-”

“Fee.” Kili grimaced and reached over to take Fili's hand. “I never planned to keep any secrets from you, my brother. Please believe me that I meant to tell you so many times, I just couldn't find the words and this is a terrible way to find out.” Kili stopped, looking like he was trying to find the right words.

Vanessa shook her head at him urgently but he ignored her and took a deep breath, scrubbing his free hand through his hair.

Settling himself he looked into Fili's eyes. “Oin tried to help you when we dragged you out of the lake. But your heart had stopped, you weren’t breathing. You were gone from me. But then Ness brought you back. Oin thinks that's why....” A shadow passed over Kili’s face as he stopped and gathered himself, his voice cracked a little. “A soul for a soul.”

Fili looked devastated and Kili shuffled closer, taking his brother's other hand and holding them both tightly. "That look on your face. That's why I couldn't find the words to tell you. I didn't ever want to see that look. I didn’t ever want to hurt you like this, brother. Please say you forgive me.”

Vanessa watched as Fili opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. His hands tightening on Kili’s to a white knuckled grip as he bowed his head and made a small heartbroken noise.

Kili ducked his head to try and see under his brother’s hair, smiled up at him sadly. “Ness brought you back to me brother. I would have done the same, had it been in my power to do it. I would have traded anything. Everything.”

Fili whispered something she didn't catch. 

“No.” Kili pressed his forehead against Fili's, shifted his hands to Fili's hair and holding him tightly. “No. I would have given my life in exchange for yours. A hundred times. A thousand.”

“No, no.” Vanessa held up her hands, tried to stop them. “No. Kili. Fili. No, please. Listen to me. It was only CPR. Resuscitation. It happens all the time on my world, it’s just a medical thing. I learned when I was...well, I just learned it. Oin’s wrong, it’s not what he said. I promise you it’s not.”

“Ness,” said Kili gently as he released Fili and reached out to Vanessa. “Come here. Let me hold you. Look, your world is obviously very different to ours.

"But we know what we saw, and we all heard you telling Fee to come back. You didn’t know not to do it, you just did it without any thought of cost. Because you could.” He smiled at her kindly, shook his head a little. “I think you just don’t realise that you are a witch, my Ness.”

“I’m not. I’m really not.”

“It’s not a bad thing, you just need some help with your powers. Someone who can tell you what you should and should not do in Middle-earth. To keep yourself out of trouble. I’m not surprised you were trying to get a message to Gandalf, you must have been so lost without his guidance.”

Stroking her hair gently he continued, “You should have told me. We'll go and find the wizard when we leave here. Or we can go back to Rivendell perhaps. Whatever you think is best. The elves know all about magic.” He looked at her closely, his face serious. “You mustn't keep things from me, Ness.”

Vanessa looked between him and Fili.

Kili touched her face. “Don’t look so distraught, we love you, don’t we Fee? It doesn't matter to us at all. Not one bit. You’re still our Ness. But I can understand now why Uncle Thorin has concerns, us dwarves just don’t understand magic. But now that I know I can straighten it all out with him, don’t worry.” He kissed her lightly on the head, fingers brushing her neck. “Hush, your heart is racing.”

* * *

Dwalin strode into the Great Hall. He spotted Thorin among the stacks and made his way across, careful not to disturb any of the piles of treasure.

Thorin looked up as he approached. “All quiet?”

“All quiet, a raven arrived at dawn with news from Dain.”

“Go on.”

Thorin turned back and brushed away a layer of gold coins from the floor with his boot.

“Dain is mustering and intends to leave with all haste. He says to expect the vanguard within a week or so, with the main force to follow if he cannot get them moving in time.”

“Good. That is quicker than I had dared hope. Send Kili to me today. He has not yet made his final decision, I feel that his heart lies here, with us. Continue the watch, let me know if anything changes.”

Dwalin nodded in acknowledgment and turned away. He went barely a step before he turned back, making a decision. “Thorin. Kili spoke to me. He asked if I felt you were thinking badly of Fili.”

“And what did you say?”

“Nothing, just that it is a difficult time.”

Dwalin asked the question he didn’t want the answer to, “Thorin, you can’t truly suspect Fili? The lad worships you.”

Thorin lifted his head and met Dwalin's eyes. “The Arkenstone is not here. I have searched, you all have searched and it is not here. Therefore someone in this Company has taken it. I did not want to believe it myself at first. Not my Fili.”

“He wouldn’t. He would never plot against you.”

Thorin beckoned Dwalin closer, looking around the empty hall and lowering his voice. “I have spoken with Oin.” He paused, looked pained. “Dwalin, it grieves me to tell you this, but that creature is not our Fili. I know well how much you loved him.”

Dwalin shook his head, confused. “I’m not following you.”

“In Lake-town, after Smaug fell. Oin told me that the witch pulled Fili put of the water. Oin checked for the signs of life and there were none. He knew then that my nephew was gone.” Blinking back tears Thorin steadied himself before he continued, “My sister-son, my beloved heir. Dead. Drowned or died from his injuries sustained when he defeated the dragon, Oin could not immediately tell.”

“But...” Dwalin blinked, trying to understand. “Fili’s not dead.”

“She saw an opportunity and she took it. She brought him back. The witch. She cast a dark spell and tore him from his rest in the Halls of Mandos. Or more likely to my mind she brought something back, a shadow that walks and talks like Fili. She sacrificed Kili’s child in exchange.”

“I cannot believe it.”

“I did not want to believe it myself. I have thought of little else. I cannot rest. And it is all falling into place. Fili is changed since we left him at the dock in Lake-town. You said yourself that he is not healing from his injuries.”

“Thorin,” Dwalin interrupted, “the lad has had barely any food and little rest. You can’t possibly-"

Thorin held up a hand for silence. “He is changed. He questions my decisions. He has tried to sow doubt in Balin's mind about my leadership, made insinuations about my state of mind. He has made allies with the men. He has made an ally with Thranduil’s own blood.

"It is no coincidence that Thranduil stands now at my gates. The Arkenstone is gone. And so I believe has my Fili. What stands in his place is a shade, a dark puppet.”

Dropping his head Thorin stood with shoulders slumped and passed a hand over his face before he straightened and looked Dwalin in the eye. "The witch's master alludes me. Once, I had thought it to be Azog. I no longer believe that to be true. But she is not working alone, or at least I am almost certain she is not. I feel that perhaps a higher, darker, power is more likely. Something more than the petty vengence of an orc king. I do not yet know.

“But her purpose is clear. I had once asked her if there were darker plans for Fili and myself and I believe I now have my answer. She has broken my line. I find it hard to keep my hands from her neck when I look at her. Only Kili’s misplaced love for her prevents me.”

“I cannot believe it.” Dwalin repeated himself, trying to untangle his thoughts. “It cannot be true.”

“Bofur witnessed the witchcraft in Laketown, I will question him this morning. I want you, Balin and Oin present to witness. Find somewhere private.” Thorin sighed heavily. “Kili was also at the lake, he too has seen fit to keep her secrets. I yet hope that I can break her spell over him but I fear that I may have already lost both my nephews. She plans to destroy me completely.”


	46. I’ll save you if it kills me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dressing for war.

“Please talk to me.”

Fili blocked her swing easily and tapped her lightly on the neck with his practice sword. “Concentrate.”

“No.” Vanessa flung her sword to the ground. “My head hurts.”

“Mine too. You brought me back from the dead?” Fili flicked up her discarded sword with his boot and caught it, turning away from her.

At last, she thought, looking around the empty hall and through the broken ceiling to the walkways above. “Keep your voice down. I didn’t. Well, I did. But not in the way you think.”

Fili walked to the alcove, dropped the swords with a clatter and lifted the jug of water. Vanessa shook her head when he offered it to her and he took a long pull. Sitting down on the bench and setting the jug on the flagstones he sighed and looked up at her sadly. “Why, Ness?”

“Why what? Why save you? Because I couldn't not try. It’s called resuscitation where I’m from.” Vanessa lowered her voice again. “It’s a normal thing to do.”

Fili gave her a small smile. “It’s called necromancy where I’m from. And it’s most definitely not a normal thing to do.”

Vanessa stamped her foot. The noise echoed and she looked around again anxiously in case anyone was lurking about. “That’s not fair. It’s not. I had to try, I didn't know...” She stopped and thought. "Even if I had known I still would have done it.”

“No.” Fili reached out and pulled her towards him, down onto his lap. He wrapped an arm loosely around her waist and took her hand in his, his thumb lightly trailing circles on her palm and the underside of her wrist as he looked at her. “No. It is forbidden. Do you understand me? It’s a dark magic. You can never do something like that again. Kili’s right, we need to find someone who can guide you in this, with your powers. Someone who can help you know right from wrong in this world.”

“Fili, no.” Vanessa tugged her hand free and put them both on his face. He allowed her to tilt his head back. She resisted the urge to shake him. “Look at me. You know me. Remember? You know me completely.” She changed her mind and shook him a little in the hope it helped her words sink in. “I am not a witch.”

“Thank you.” Fili tightened his arm around her. “Thank you for caring enough about me. I feel so guilty.” He bowed his head, “I’m so sorry.”

“What?” Vanessa pulled his head up again, stared into his eyes. “Why would you...oh no, Fili. No. You need to listen to me. There was no trade, no exchange. I promise. You’ve nothing to feel guilty about. It's just the same as, I don’t know, knowing how to splint an arm or...something. I don't feel like I'm explaining this very well.” She stopped and thought.

“Look. I breathed into you here." She touched his lips lightly with her fingertips. “And I pressed here." She placed a hand flat over his heart as he watched her closely. “I pressed here, hard, to start your heart again. That’s all. No magic. No witchcraft. I said come back because I wanted you to come back to me.

"Because I can’t begin to imagine a world that doesn’t have you in it. It wasn’t an incantation or a spell. You have to believe me.” She pressed her lips to his forehead. “Please believe me.”

* * *

Thorin smiled fondly at Kili as his nephew explained to Balin the proposed plan for defending Erebor once Dain’s army arrived.

Balin nodded along, stroking his beard as he thought. “Right, good. I think that should work. When do you think we should send Dain another raven, Thorin?”

“We'll take another day and flesh out the details I think. Kili?”

“I agree, I’d like to think a bit more on the plans for defending the gate if I may.”

Thorin nodded his approval, watching closely as Kili blushed a little with pride and stood straighter. “Good. That's agreed then. We'll talk again tomorrow.” Thorin smiled at them both. “My stomach is telling me that it must be nearly time for dinner. Balin, you go on ahead, I just want a word with my sister-son.”

Thorin sat as Balin left and indicated for Kili to do the same. He smiled once they were both settled. “I am proud of you.”

Kili beamed back at him. “Thank you, I enjoyed today. Is that strange?”

Thorin shook his head. “You have a keen mind for strategy, I did not realise.” He leaned forward and clasped Kili’s hands in his own. Kili's face fell and he looked worried. “Will you stay, my Kili? Will you stay and help me? I will need you by my side in the days to come. Now more than ever.”

“I want to.” Kili nodded. “I do. Erebor is my home, you are my home. But, Ness-”

Thorin shook his head. “I am sorry, you know my thoughts on her. You will need to make a decision, very soon. I need to know if I can rely on you.”

“You would have me tear my heart to pieces, Uncle Thorin.”

“That is the last thing I would ever want to do. The very last thing.” Thorin stood and pulled Kili up into a tight hug, kissing his forehead before releasing him with a pat on the shoulder. “Think on what I have said. Now go. Go be with your brother.”

Kili looked deflated and turned away. He'd barely taken a step before he turned back, determination written across his face. "Uncle?"

“Yes, Kili.”

“I understand that you have made your decision about Ness, I do. And I’m not questioning you. But I feel I have to try one last time. I believe you are right, Uncle, I do now believe that Ness is a witch.” Kili spread his hands in a gesture of peace as Thorin opened his mouth to speak. He hurridly continued, “But not in the way you think.”

“Go on.” Thorin watched as Kili paced a little, searching for the words.

“I honestly believe that she doesn’t realise. It’s the world that she comes from. It's much more magical than ours, and they have different views on what is...acceptable.” Kili paused, searching for words again, and Thorin waited. “So she doesn’t realise that what passes for normality there is witchcraft here. And she has dreams, Uncle, terrible dreams. You must have known.”

Kili came to a stop in front of him and looked at him earnestly. “She sees things, a mix of nightmare and foresight I believe. And they torture her. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, but she means us no harm. Truly. She only wants to help us. You must trust me on this.”

Thorin took a deep breath and placed his hands on Kili's shoulders. Looked hard into his eyes. The boy believed completely what he was saying. Thorin felt his heart swell in sympathy.

Would I have found a way to justify it? Thorin wondered. If someone had offered to bring Frerin back to me? What price would I have been willing to pay?

He bowed his head and sighed.

Would I have had the strength of will to refuse her? Had it been I kneeling beside her on the bloodied sand with Fili's broken body in my arms.

He truly didn't know.

Raising his head he looked again into Kili’s eyes, shining brightly with hope. "I am glad you are coming round to my way of thinking, Kili. You have a good heart. I, however, have seen a little more of the world than you and I am no longer quite so trusting. But I will make you a promise that I will consider what you have said.”

He smiled and Kili smiled back tentatively. “I will think on it.”

* * *

As Kili left, deep in thought but feeling happier, he passed Bofur carrying a dinner tray in to Thorin.

"Wait for me, lad," he hissed quietly as their paths crossed.

Wandering on to the end of the corridor Kili leaned back against the wall to wait. His belly rumbled loudly and he laughed quietly to himself as he placed a hand tight against it.

Running footsteps and Bofur was back. He grasped Kili’s arm and looked up and down the corridor. “Listen to me. I don’t know what’s going on but Thorin questioned me this morning about Laketown. He knows about Fili. You know...” Bofur leaned close and lowered his voice further. “About what Ness did. I tried not to say anything but he already knew.”

Kili smiled. “Thank you, Bofur. But it doesn't matter now. I just talked to Thorin about Ness. He’s thinking things over, I told him she doesn’t mean any harm.”

Bofur looked at him closely. “Aye lad, well we'll see. I thought you should know. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Thorin this past while, has he seen much of your brother?”

Kili shook his head.

“Unusual, wouldn't you say?” Bofur let go of Kili’s arm and spoke loudly as Dwalin turned the corner towards them, “You haven’t had your dinner yet, lad. You must be absolutely starving. You youngsters are always starving. Come on and we'll go see if there’s anything left.”

As they entered the kitchen Bofur leaned in and whispered in his ear, “Maybe it’s not Ness that you need to be worried about.”

* * *

“Bilbo!” Vanessa jumped in fright as the hobbit grabbed her arm and pulled her into a chamber, slamming the door.

He turned to her, eyes blazing.

"What’s wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me? Why don’t you tell me, Ness?”

“Oh no. No, I don’t like that game. I’m tired and I’m still hungry and my head hurts and I just want to go and lie down.”

He grabbed her by the shoulders and gave her a rough shake. Annoyed, she slapped his hands away. “Bilbo. Cut that out. What is your problem?”

“My problem, Ness, my problem.” Bilbo let her go and began pacing. “I have far too many problems, but my new one is...oh, my new one...” He stopped and pressed his fingers to his temples, taking a deep breath.

“You're being a little bit dramatic. Why don't-"

“Why did I see you kissing Fili? Why?”

“What?” Vanessa's heart leapt in her chest.

“I was on the walkway over one of the halls and I looked down and I was about to shout down to you both when I saw you-”

“I wasn't. We weren't.” Vanessa laughed with relief, her heart rate beginning to return to normal. ”You’ve got it all-"

“Don’t you dare ‘You've got it all wrong, Bilbo’ me, Ness. I’m not blind.” He lowered his voice to a hiss, “You were sitting in his lap for goodness sake and he had his arms around you like, like-”

“Like what? We were just talking.”

“Like lovers. That’s what you were like. You had your hand on his chest and you kissed him. I watched you. I wish I hadn't.” Bilbo began pacing again. “What are you doing? What are you both doing?”

“I told you, we were talking.”

“Ness. Do you swear to me. Do you swear on the lives of this Company, on Kili’s life, that there is nothing and never has been anything between you and Fili?”

“I’m not swearing anything on anyone’s lives. I don’t do that. It's childish. You'll just have to believe me. Or not believe me. Whichever you like.”

“Fine. Well, that's just fine then.” Bilbo stormed past her and flung open the door. It crashed back off the stone. “So I'm going to go and see Thorin right now. And I’m telling him what I know. We'll see what he thinks.”

“No.” Vanessa grabbed him and tried to wrestle him back in, attaching herself around his waist and digging in her heels as he dragged them both into the corridor. “No. Fine. Fine. I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you but you must promise not to say anything. Stop it, stop.”

He stopped and they stood face to face. Vanessa slowly released his rumpled jacket when he showed no further signs of moving.

“I’m listening.”

She shushed him and looked up and down the corridor. Tried to think about how much she could get away with while her mind screamed at her to run. “In Lake-town. I'd just told him about the mirror. I’d told him not to go into the tower and I watched his face as he realised what I was saying to him. It broke my heart.”

“And?”

“We kissed." Vanessa felt her face flame as Bilbo's mouth dropped open. She continued hurriedly, “He was so upset. He just needed-”

"Ness." Bilbo clapped his hands over his face, looking through his fingers at her. "What is wrong with you? If someone is upset you make them a strong cup of tea, maybe give them a friendly hug. Anything. What you don’t do is-”

Vanessa held up a hand to cut him off and shushed him. “Yes, yes. I know. Keep your voice down. I know, believe me I feel so guilty.”

“And so you should.” Bilbo looked horrified. “He's to be your brother-in-law. Poor Kili. You will break his heart. You will break both their hearts. What are you doing? How do you think this can possibly end well? And what about Kili? I assume that you haven't told him yet?”

“No. No, of course I haven’t told him yet. I've no intention of telling him. Are you mad?"

“You must,” hissed Bilbo.

“No. I must not. I’d be telling him because I feel guilty and that’s not fair. Can you imagine what it would do to them both? It would break them. No, Kili can never know. I can just learn to live with the guilt.”

Bilbo clenched his fists furiously and glared at her. “None of that even begins to make sense. You're protecting no-one but yourself. Kili is giving up everything for you. Everything. He loves you. You cannot hide this from him, he must know what manner of creature is he shackling himself to. You know he will never forgive you for this? And Fili-”

“Bilbo.”

“I know what I saw. You must think me a fool, or naive.” He grabbed her arm, fingers digging in hard. “You cannot think to have both of them. I don’t know what way these things work on your world but you are here now and you cannot behave like this. You must stop it.”

Vanessa stood silent, trembling a little with a combination of anger, humiliation and panic. Mainly panic.

Bilbo stared at her, foot tapping angrily, awaiting some sort of response.

She threw out her hands. “I don’t know what you want me to say. It isn’t just my secret to tell. And we do have other, bigger, problems.”

“Ness, I’m so angry with you.”

“That’s fine, be angry with me. I'm angry with me too.” She scrubbed fingers into her hair and grabbed handfuls, pulling until it hurt. This was bad. “It’s all sliding out of control. All of it. And I recognise Ravenhill.”

“What?”

“Ravenhill. The place where you-"

He cut her off. “I know where Ravenhill is.”

“Fine. Good. Well, we went there, me and Fili. Don’t shout at me yet, let me finish first. We went there and it’s the tower.” She lowered her voice and whispered, “The tower where Azog...and I'm also fairly certain that it’s where Bolg and Kili. On my god, I can’t say it. I love him, Bilbo, I do. You have to believe me. I’m really making a mess of this. It's all too much and too fast and I can't see a way out of it. I can't fix it. You have to help me. You have to help them. You said you would.”

“Oh Ness, don’t cry.”

Bilbo took a step closer, his voice softening. “Don't cry. I don’t like you very much right now but I haven’t changed my mind.”

Vanessa let go off her hair and stood up straighter, dry-eyed. “Good. That's good. Thank you. Because I don’t need you to like me. I just need you to help me save them.”

* * *

Checking the dark corridor was empty she pushed the door firmly closed, smiling as his arm slid around her waist and he turned her to face him.

Fingers wound into her hair, tilting her head back as he brushed her lips with his. A tentative, chaste kiss. She pressed herself to him, winding her arms around his broad shoulders as he murmured her name. A hand in the small of her back lifted her firmly against him, pushing his hips to hers as he deepened the kiss.

Trailing feather light kisses along her jaw he walked her backwards, the hard flagstones softening under her feet. Lips pressed against the pulse hammering in the hollow of her throat as he laid her down gently upon the gold, the lake supporting their weight, moulding to their bodies.

Her fingertips, stained golden, leaving marks on his skin as his left marks on her.

* * *

She woke up panting in the dark.

Kili moved beside her. “Ness?” He raised himself on an elbow and stroked her neck, looked worried. “Your heart's racing. Another bad dream?”

“No. Yes.” Vanessa closed her eyes, opened them again. “Yes, a bad dream. I'm sorry. I woke you.”

“You did, but that doesn’t matter. Do you want to tell me about it?”

She shook her head vigorously.

“You can tell me anything. It might make you feel better?”

She did the first thing that came to mind to stop him asking questions.

Kili kissed her back, allowing her to draw him down and across her as she raised her hips to his. “Oh,” he whispered, smiling. As his hand slipped between her thighs he stopped and looked at her, raising his eyebrows. “I think I know what sort of dream you had.”

He kissed her again, his fingers tracing over her lightly as she gasped, sensitive to his touch. “Don’t be embarrassed. I have those dreams about you too, they're not bad dreams.” He grinned at her happily. “Do you think that now you're awake I can make you come again? Harder this time, perhaps.”

* * *

“You need to have words with your brother.” Nori lifted his head from his arms and looked accusingly along the ramparts to Fili as the soft cries reached them. “If I turn around, Ori, you had better have your ears covered.”

Fili felt himself flush, he glanced back over his shoulder at Ori. The lad sat on the bench against the wall, hands obediently clapped over his ears, eyes tightly closed. “I’m really hoping Kili doesn’t realise.”

“Well, I suppose at least someone's enjoying Erebor anyway.” Nori turned back towards Dale. “Although if you see your Uncle coming up those stairs I’d try and stop him if I were you.”

* * *

Vanessa braced herself and tried again. “No, it’s no good. I can't even move it.” She grinned back at him as he laughed.

“Weakling.” Fili strode across and brushed her hands gently out of the way, smiling at her as he lifted the hammer one handed, ropes of muscle standing out in his forearm. “See, you’ve just got to put your back into it.”

“That’s not as easy as you’re pretending it is.” She laughed and skipped well out of range as he swung it slowly and experimentally, two-handed now. “How could anyone use that thing?”

“In battle?” Fili set the hammer down again carefully. “No, no. This one’s ceremonial. It has to be.” He looked at it thoughtfully. “I wouldn't like to go up against the dwarf who could actually wield this.”

“It is a bit sparkly for everyday use I suppose.”

“Goes with your eyes, Ness. Back to work.” He dragged a heavy sounding chest across the chamber and stood on it to search the higher shelves.

Vanessa looked around the armoury. Shelves upon shelves of dusty weapons along the walls and down the centre racks of swords, hammers and all sorts of pointy dangerous looking things she didn’t recognise. A lot of weapons with chains that looked pretty frightening. The end of the long chamber was a wall hung from floor to ceiling with shields.

And this was only one of several.

“What’s this?” She prodded a wicked looking spiked weapon.

Fili turned and looked down at her. “Just a mace. You hit people with it.”

She lifted it carefully, two-handed. “Heavy. Does it suit me?”

“Arrows. Look for arrows.”

“I think we’ve got them all." She balanced the mace back on the rack and waved at the pile on the floor. “This place is very organised. I can’t see there being arrows just tucked...oh.” She caught the quiver as he threw it at her.

“Keep searching. Half of these will be either in need of repair or perished. We need as many as we can.”

Vanessa pulled an arrow out of the quiver and studied it. Not that she'd any idea what she was looking for. “I can’t quite believe we're going to be firing these on Thranduil's lot. Or the lakemen, even though I wouldn’t mind putting one in Alfrid. And one in the Master.”

She added the contents of the quiver to the pile. "Bastards.”

“You won’t be putting anything in anyone.” Fili stood on tip-toes to try and see the next shelf. “This is ridiculous," he muttered, "there must be a ladder around here somewhere.”

“I will need a bit more practise, that's true. But if there's enough of them and they stand close enough together then I'll be able to hit someone. Probably not who I'm aiming at but still it'll be-"

"No."

"I don’t know, Fili. I’ll be the first to admit that I don't know much about these things but it’s looking a lot like war to me. I can’t see the elves just letting Dain stroll in, do you?”

Fili shrugged. “I’ve no idea what the plan is. But I do know you’re not shooting anyone. I won’t let you.” He looked down at her and continued gently, “It’s one thing killing an orc who’s trying to kill you, and I’m not entirely happy that you’ve had to do that. But it’s an entirely different thing to shoot an elf or a man purely over who owes who gold. I would keep your conscience clear of that if I can.”

She smiled. “Don't you worry yourself about my conscience, it’s far too late for that.” Kneeling she ducked down and looked under the bottom shelf, lots of dust, no hidden stash of arrows. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, I will worry about it regardless, whether you wish me to or not.” Fili planted a boot on a shelf and boosted himself up, slinging an arm onto the top shelf for support. “And what exactly are you apologising for now?”

“You’re stuck guarding me, that'll be why you don’t know the plan. Thorin is probably worried I’ll magic it out of you somehow and then magically pass the information on to whoever it is he thinks I'm in league with today.”

Fili snorted, “I only wish that was why. I’ve told you and Kili already and I don’t understand why neither of you will believe me.”

He jumped down, landing lightly on the floor and looking at her. “Thorin thinks I’ve taken the Arkenstone. That’s why I’m here with you. Someone's already been through my things and I expect they’ve been through yours too. I’m surprised they trusted us enough to gather arrows to be honest.”

“Oh, Fili.”

He shrugged sadly. “I don’t know, it’s a horrible feeling. My family is everything to me. I know it might not seem-”

“Come with us.”

“What?”

“I’m serious.” Vanessa sat back on her heels, thinking hard. It would be the perfect solution. She felt a little rush of hope and pushed aside the little guilty feeling about abandoning the others. They'd be all right, probably. “Come with us when we go. We'll have to go soon, Dain is nearly here. Come with us.”

Fili stared at her and sat down heavily on the chest. She looked up at him. “Ness. I-"

“Don’t dismiss it out of hand, please, at least give it some thought. It will break Kili’s heart to leave you.” She reached up and took his hand.

Fili looked down at their interlaced fingers for a long moment before he raised his eyes slowly back to hers. “And what of your heart, Ness?”

Vanessa stared at him, opened her mouth to respond and shut it again.

Fili shook his head and patted her hand, releasing it and standing quickly. “Forget I said that. Don't answer. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m staying here. This is my birthright and I will regain Thorin’s trust before the end.” He smiled brightly at her. “It'll be-"

“Fee!”

They both jumped as Kili appeared at the chamber door, beckoning to them. “Come on Fee, there’s movement down in Dale. Thorin thinks Thranduil may come at us before Dain arrives. Come and choose your armour. You too, Ness.”

* * *

Bilbo stared into the armoury, watching the Company laugh and jostle each other as they tried on an assortment of mail and armour. They are all mad, he thought, how is this not terrible? I will never understand dwarves.

He watched as Kili kissed a worried looking Ness on the forehead before she slunk away. She, at least, was looking as out of sorts as he was feeling.

The orcs aren't going to get a chance to kill them all if the elves do it first. He shook away the thought and pasted a bright smile on his face as Thorin approached, clad in gleaming mail. Bilbo’s little hobbit heart twisted strangely. He breathed in to settle himself.

“Master Baggins,” Thorin called merrily. “Come here. I have something for you.”

Bilbo walked over obediently, a little spring in his step. I’ll save you, he thought as he looked up into Thorin's smiling face. I’ll save you if it kills me. I'll save you if it kills everybody.

“You’re going to be needing this," Thorin said, holding up a glittering shirt. “Try it on.”

Bilbo took off his jacket and pulled the shirt on. “It’s a bit....I’m not sure it’s quite me. It’s a little...festive.”

Thorin laughed. “It’s silver steel. Mithril. No blade can pierce it. It will keep you safe.” He placed a hand on Bilbo's shoulder and looked into his eyes. “I would keep you safe, Master Baggins. True friends are hard to come by.”

A peal of laughter behind them and they turned to watch Dwalin and Fili struggling to pull a mail shirt back over Kili's head. Thorin smiled fondly at them. The brilliant smile faded as Fili turned from his brother and left Dwalin and Kili behind. A worried look on his face as he walked purposely after Ness.

Bilbo could feel the waves of anger radiating from Thorin as they watched Fili place a hand gently on her face. Her hands grasping at his chest as they spoke urgently. They watched in silence as Ness shook her head, pushing at Fili as he moved to hold her close. Their bodies touching. Bilbo frowned at the intimacy and glanced up sideways at Thorin’s furious face.

“I have not wanted to believe it,” said Thorin quietly, his voice measured. Not taking his eyes from Fili and Ness, his frown deepened as Kili joined the pair..“I have been blind," he growled, "perhaps deliberately so. But now I finally see.”

Bilbo turned slowly to face him, heart suddenly racing. “Thorin?”

“I have been betrayed.” Thorin leaned close and pulled Bilbo in tight to his wide chest, lowering his voice. “One of them has taken it. They have taken the Arkenstone.”

“No. Thorin, no.” Bilbo looked up into Thorin’s face. “No. You have the mountain. You are the undisputed king. Is that not enough?”

“Betrayed by my own kin.” Thorin’s face twisted into a snarl.

“Thorin. No.” Bilbo tried again, clutched at him boldly. “You can’t possibly-”

“Allied against me with men and elves. In thrall to the witch. One of them I know now to be false, the scales have been lifted fully from my eyes. I can only pray and hope that it is not both.” His eyes met Bilbo's, deep sadness mingled with something else. “I fear it is but a fool’s hope.”

Thorin shook Bilbo's hand from his sleeve and began to turn away. “I swear to you. They will not take it from me. I am the King under the Mountain, as you say, and I will not part with a single coin. Not one piece.”

He swept off down the corridor towards the Great Hall as Bilbo looked after him, distraught.

* * *

Vanessa felt a little nauseous as she stood amongst the mail shirts and armour, listening as they debated the merits of this one over that.

She touched Kili’s arm. “I’ll get out of the way, I’ll be over there.”

Dwalin whistled and threw a heavy looking mail shirt to him, Kili nodded in approval as he examined it and stripped out of his tunic. He kissed her and smiled. “We'll not be long.”

She walked out into the entrance hall and leaned back against the cool stone, watching them laugh as Kili managed to get the shirt on before realising it was too tight. Fili appeared and started to drag the mail off his brother with Dwalin’s help, Kili laughing too hard to be of any use. Fili turned, eyes sparkling with laughter, and Vanessa's breath caught in her throat. He walked quickly towards her.

“Ness?” He caught her arm and then her waist as her knees gave way. “Ness. What’s wrong?”

Vanessa stared at his chest. Dimly she was aware of him gently stroking her face, holding her against him. She placed a hand flat against his armour, the leather and mail that she’d seen before so many times in her dreams. Fallen on the battlefield. Held helpless and brave and so alone in Azog’s arms. Choking back a sob she watched in horror as his lifeblood welled up between her fingers.

“No. No," she whispered. She pushed down on his chest. Placed her other hand on top, trying to stop it. “No.”

* * *

Fili looked down at her, white faced and swaying as she pushed against his chest, whispering frantically to herself.

“Ness.” He stroked her hair gently. “Ness. Tell me what’s happening? Ness.”

She sobbed with great, silent, choking gasps, and he looked around for Kili, making eye contact. Lifting his hand from her face he quickly signed to his brother, hiding the movement from her. 

Not that she was paying attention. 

Kili nodded an acknowledgement and held up a finger as Dwalin buckled him into heavy armour.

“Ness.” Fili tried again. “Kili is coming now. Can you hear me?” He wiped the tears from her face when she showed no sign of hearing him and placed his fingers gently under her jaw to lift her head. Her eyes were unfocused and she fought his touch, pushing harder on his chest.

In one spot, one hand over the other.

Fili released her head and stared down at her hands, feeling suddenly cold.

“Ness?”

Fili started. Kili was at his shoulder. He hadn't heard him approach. 

“Fee, what’s happened?”

Fili watched as Ness lifted her face in response to Kili's voice. Kili took her gently out of his arms and she went willingly, clinging to him and sobbing quietly. Her fingers curled tightly into the armour at his neck, knuckles white. Kili wrapped his arms around her, making soothing noises.

The others were leaving. Dwalin handed Fili his heavy armour with a nod as he strode past.

As Bofur passed them he slowed and clapped first Kili and then Fili on the shoulder with a sympathetic grimace. Leaning in towards them with a small smile he whispered conspiratorially, “Feeling a bit like that myself if the truth be told. Can’t blame a wee lass for being scared.”

Kili looked up and smiled faintly. “Thanks, Bofur.” He stroked her hair. “I’ll take Ness and put her to bed, Fee. I’ll see you in a bit.”

Fili watched as Kili picked her up easily, cradling her against him and walking away. He stood and watched them go, lost in thought. Scrubbing a hand through his hair to rouse himself he touched his chest where Ness had pushed against him, his hand shaking slightly.

I need a drink, he decided.

* * *

Adjusting Ness in his arms Kili kicked the door shut behind them. “Here we are,” he whispered to her, laying her down gently on the bed as she tried to cling to him. He sat down beside her. “My poor Ness.”

She sat up and held on to him again, her fingers burrowing into the joins of the armour. Not wanting to trap them accidentally when he moved Kili carefully pried her from him. He held her hands gently in his, kissing her delicate fingertips, leaning forward to kiss the tears from her face. Ness hiccupped sadly, sniffing.

She wrenched her hands free sharply. “This,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. “I can't...” She started tugging at his forearm, pulling hard and ineffectually at the armour. “Please. Take it off, Kili.”

To appease her he removed the gauntlets and vambraces, setting them to one side. She started to try and pull the pauldrons from his shoulders. Shaking her head and whispering an angry no when he caught her hands again.

“Wait.” He smiled at her gently, realising that for whatever reason the armour was upsetting her. “The chest plate needs to come off first, then everything else. I'll show you.” He stood and started undoing the buckles as she tried to help him with shaking fingers.

The crying started again in earnest as he removed the rest of his heavy armour. Kili frowned, confused as to why the sight of the simple leather and chainmail seemed to have such a terrible effect on her. On her knees on the bed she pulled him down to her frantically. Pressing her hands tightly against his chest then his throat as her body shook with sobs.

“Ness. I think I need to fetch Oin.” He carefully took a light hold of her wrists this time and ducked his head to try and make eye contact with her as she tried to pull her hands free.

“No,” she wept. “Just...please. Let me go.”

He released her and she began to pull uselessly at his mail shirt. Pushing her hands away gently he tugged it over his head and dropped it to the floor. To his relief she calmed instantly, placing a hand over his heart and smiling up at him, her face relaxing.

“I can feel your heart beating.”

“Good.” He smiled, completely bewildered as she curled into his chest, an ear over his heart. He wrapped his arms around her. “That's good. I think you need a bit of a rest.”

She shook her head, climbing over him and holding his head in her hands, fingers tight against his jaw. Kili closed his eyes as she kissed him and allowed her to push him down on to the bed. Her hands moving to pull frantically at his shirt, exposing his belly to the cool air of the chamber. She quickly unlaced him.

"Ness," he murmured, feeling that he should at least attempt to stop her as she wrapped her fingers around him. His hips lifted, moving with her as he hardened quickly under her firm strokes. "You're upset, we should-" He groaned with pleasure, his body arching as her teeth nipped lightly at the soft skin of his throat. She pressed her lips to the spot, a hand now in his hair, fingernails trailing on his scalp as she continued to work him.

"Make me yours."

"But-"

She twisted her hand and a jolt of ecstasy ran through him. He completely lost the thread of his thoughts, for a moment his only concern that he might come too quickly.

As he tried to gather himself and recall what he'd been about to say she hushed him sharply, nipping at him again. “Make me yours, Kili. Please. I need you to make me yours. Make me forget.” With a final deep kiss she moved away from him and he propped himself up on his elbows, confused and aroused. He watched as she quickly stripped out of her clothes, throwing them to the floor.

“Forget what? Ness?”

She shook her head, shushing as she returned to him and pressed her lips to his. 


	47. Gandalf the Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gandalf arrives in Dale.

“Who is in charge here?” Gandalf shouted, turning his horse in a tight circle on the cobblestones. Faces peered back at him from the dark doorways surrounding the courtyard. Silent and frightened but alive, which was of course the main thing.

Gandalf hoped they could keep it that way.

Looking behind him he could see the large square had filled. Lake-town people curious to know who the stranger was who had galloped, shouting at them to make way, through the dusty streets of their new home. He had been heartened to see so many people, even as he wished more of them looked like fighting men.

As he'd raced up the valley reeling with shock at the sight of the devastation on the lake and fearing the worst, Gandalf had been equal parts shocked and relieved both to see activity in Dale and a large elven camp spread out south of the city. Passing the camp at speed on the opposite side of the river on his way to the city gate he had identified the elven armour and flags and allowed himself a tired sigh.

But an elven army was still a very useful thing, he reminded himself. Even if it was Thranduil’s.

“I told you, we don’t want no tramps here,” repeated the odious little man from the steps in front. "Be off with you.”

“I did not ride hard miles across Middle-earth to argue with the likes of you.” Gandalf looked at the man sharply, rapidly losing patience. “Where is your master? Who is in charge? Quickly now.”

“Who is asking?”

A tall man appeared at the head of a set of steps between two houses.

Finally, Gandalf thought, relieved, someone with an air of authority. He swung from his horse and threw the reins to the scowling servant. “Treat him kindly." He made sure his voice was stern. “I will check.”

The man descended the steps as Gandalf ascended. He offered a hand and a tired smile, “My name is Bard.”

“At your service, Bard. I am Gandalf. Gandalf the Grey. Perhaps you have heard of me?”

The man shook his head

“No matter." Gandalf smiled. Sometimes that made things a little easier. “You are in charge here, Bard?”

Bard smiled ruefull. “Partially. I am the new King of Dale.” He indicated the ruined city. “As you see. I am currently hosting the King of the Woodland Realm and the Master of Lake-town. You have arrived at a busy time, Gandalf the Grey, for we are preparing for war. But I will find you lodgings if you wish to stay a while.”

“That is very kind of you, King Bard.”

Gandalf followed Bard further into the town, through the twisting streets, wondering what could possibly have happened in his absence.

The dragon seemed to have been alive but was no longer. Thranduil had been lured out of his realm to involve himself in whatever was going on. And the mountain was occupied, hopefully by dwarves. War sounded ominous but as long as it was dwarves and not Azog in the mountain then Gandalf was confident the situation could be resolved with a little tact.

He'd obviously arrived precisely on time. 

“Just Bard is fine." Bard smiled at him.

“Tell me, Bard. Who holds the mountain?”

“Ah, that would be Thorin Oakenshield and his company.”

“Good, good. Then it is not too late.” Gandalf shrugged a little when Bard looked at him sharply. “Believe me, it could be worse. I have news you all need to hear.”

Bard stopped. “What news?”

“It would be best if we spoke privately.” Gandalf glanced into a nearby house. A tired looking woman looked back out at him. “How many fighting men do you have, Bard?”

“Enough. I hope.” Bard looked at him curiously. “I will arrange a meeting."

"Here." He indicated a house that was mostly standing. "This one is free. You should rest, you look weary. I will return presently.”

Gandalf nodded his thanks, ducking in under the doorway.

* * *

“Mithrandir?” said Thranduil. “What could he possibly want?”

Bard shrugged. “He says he has news we need to hear.” He carefully poured himself a small glass of wine and watched Thranduil from under his hair as the Elvenking rolled his eyes and held out his glass.

“Unlikely.” Thranduil nodded his thanks as Bard obediently topped up his wine. “You have much to learn of wizards. He will be here to broker peace I expect. As is his wont.”

Bard wasn't sure why that wasn't a good thing. “Then you have met before?”

“Many times.” Thranduil smiled. “He’s an awful meddler, a little prone to hysterics. But he can be quite entertaining.” He stretched. “He's also irritatingly dogged when he sets his mind on something. So I suppose you may as well go fetch him, and the Master, and we'll hear whatever this news is that he claims to have. He'll not go away otherwise.

"Hide the wine before you go. Let’s not be any more hospitable than we need to be.”

Bard drained his glass and bowed, lifting the bottle and leaving the tent to make his way back toward the city.

* * *

“What’s troubling you?” Dwalin settled himself down against the wall beside Fili and lifted the bottle, taking a long drink.

Fili smiled at Dwalin and shook his head.

“Out here by yourself? That’s not like you.” Dwalin set the bottle down and patted his pockets. “Why don’t you come in and join us?”

“I just wanted to be quiet for a bit.” Fili watched as Dwalin found his pipe and began hunting for his tobacco pouch. “I’ll be in soon, I promise.”

They sat in silence whilst Dwalin busied himself filling and tamping. Fili waited for Dwalin to say whatever it was he'd obviously come out to say.

“What happened? Down there at the lake? You seem changed, Fili. Changed from the merry lad we left at the dock in Lake-town.” Dwalin lit his pipe and exhaled. “I’ve known you since you were naught but a little scrap of a dwarfling. Since the very day you came brawling into this world. You know you can tell me anything, anything at all.”

Fili shook his head again and leaned back against the stone, avoiding Dwalin’s eyes and trying to frame his thoughts. He looked up at the emerging stars. “You ask me what happened. I had to watch my brother slip away from me. I thought Kili would die, and he almost did. I nearly lost him. I killed a dragon, and nearly died for it. And now I’m here and I....” He tailed off and looked at Dwalin. “This isn’t how I dreamt that Erebor would be. Thorin...”

“Thorin what? Go on.”

“My uncle no longer thinks of me as he once did.” Fili watched carefully and saw the flicker.

“That’s not true, lad. Of course he does. Why would you think that?”

A great warrior and a terrible liar, Fili thought sadly. At least now I know for certain. “It doesn’t matter, don’t mind me. Too much wine, and time spent in my own company, I expect. I’m being maudlin.”

He pushed himself to standing, forced himself to smile brightly and held out a hand to Dwalin. “Are you coming in?”

* * *

Bilbo looked back toward the warmth and noise of the kitchen and sighed, slipping on the little gold ring he had found in the goblin caves. The world swirled and shadows darkened the edges of his vision. His hearing sharpened. He gave himself a moment to get used to the sensations before he walked purposefully towards the ramparts.

Walking straight past Bofur he slipped silently to the furthest point and waited. Bofur ambled along to the far side and leaned against the ramparts with a deep sigh, looking out toward Dale. Staying in the shadows Bilbo slipped off the ring and was quietly tying a rope around one of the merlons when Bofur turned and spotted him.

“Bilbo!” Bofur exclaimed. “Are you out to keep me...oh.”

“Its not what it looks like.”

Bofur smiled sadly. “I expect it’s exactly what it looks like. Anyway, I’m off. Time to go and fetch Bombur for his watch. He'll be a few minutes I would imagine.” He paused. “Best of luck to you, Bilbo.”

“No, I’m not...” Bilbo stopped as Bofur raised a hand in farewell and whistled his way down the steps.

He watched the dwarf go and called after him as loudly as he dared, “I’ll see you in the morning, Bofur.”

Throwing his leg over the wall he shimmied quickly down, scrambled over the boulders blocking the head of the river and ran for Dale.

* * *

“You must set aside your petty grievances with the dwarves.” Gandalf urged them. “War is coming. Dol Guldur has been emptied. You are all in mortal danger.”

“What?” Bard looked between Gandalf and Thranduil in horror as the Elvenking laughed.

“I have seen the orc armies with my own eyes. Since when has my counsel counted for so little?” Gandalf sounded indignant. “What exactly is it that you think I’m trying to do, Thranduil?”

Thranduil leaned forward in his chair. “I think, Mithrandir, I think that you are trying to save your little dwarven friends. You admit that you were the catalyst? That it was you who sent Thorin Oakenshield to reclaim the mountain?”

“I encouraged him, yes I admit it. What of it?”

Thranduil waved languidly at Bard and the Master. They looked at each other and Bard stepped forward to take the lead, thinking about how best to explain.

“Gandalf. Lake-town has been destroyed. We have lost everything. I was lucky, my family is intact but others...” Bard paused to let the wave of sadness roll over him and gathered himself before he continued, “I can replace houses and livelihoods with time, but I cannot give them back the people they have lost.

“The gold will help. Thorin made promises to us that he has now rescinded on. Terrible errors of judgement have been made. On both sides.” Bard looked Gandalf in the eye. “I do understand why Thorin is angry but despite all that has happened, we still deserve recompense. We cannot survive here in this place without help.”

Gandalf looked genuinely upset. “Bard, I am truly sorry for your losses. Smaug was always a danger to Lake-town. And Thorin was by far the lesser evil, believe me. Others have their eyes set on the mountain. Azog the Defiler was tasked to destroy Thorin before he reached Erebor. It is he who is on his way now with an army.”

Bard tried to catch Thranduil's eye desperately, not quite sure who Azog the Defiler was but not liking the sound of him. But the Elvenking was busy explaining to Gandalf how many of his own people's lives were lost when the dwarves had passed through his realm and paid him no mind.

An orc army, Bard thought, feeling his heart beat faster.

He had seen orcs before, of course. They were a common enough sight. Lake-town had even been threatened a few times by raiding parties but never very many at once and dropping the bridge always sorted them out. The orcs, reluctant to swim out to the town under arrow fire, would roar for a while from the shore then head off to look for easier prey.

Bard thought about the city walls he had walked around, the huge breaches left by Smaug when he had ruined the city.

He wiped suddenly sweaty palms on his trousers.

Casting his eyes around the tent whilst Gandalf and Thranduil continued speaking he looked for a map and found none. He wasn't completely certain where Dol Guldur was and he suddenly felt like he needed to know. Not wanting to show ignorance but having no other option available he was forced to ask them, accidentally interrupting the wizard.

Thranduil smiled at him, somewhat indulgently to Bard's mind, and explained that the orc fortress was in southern Mirkwood.

Bard took a moment to consider the most direct route from there to the mountain and felt his blood run cold. He accidentally interrupted Gandalf again. “Then we will be trapped between them.”

Thranduil sat as if deep in thought, fingers steepled in front of his face as he stared at Gandalf. Decision made he flicked his fingers at one of the elven guards. “Are the archers in position?”

The guard nodded.

“Good. If anything moves on that mountain, shoot it.” The Elvenking stood, drawing himself to his full height and forcing them all to look up at him. “We break the siege at dawn. You started this, Mithrandir, you will forgive me if I finish it.”

“My lord,” began Bard, an idea beginning to form.

Surely with this new information Thorin will have a change of heart, he thought. I’ll appeal directly to Fili, he has a kind heart and will help us. He can use his influence on his uncle.

He nodded to himself, resolute, and looked at Thranduil. He thought back to how Fili had stood and spoken with authority on the shoreline. As if he expected to be listened to and obeyed. As if there was no other possible alternative. It had seemed as natural as breathing. 

Not for the first time Bard wished he'd taken the opportunity to ask the prince more questions.

Shoulders back and head high he faced Thranduil like the king they all said he was. He looked the Elvenking steadily in the eyes and spoke in a confident voice as if to an equal. "Thranduil. We must speak with Thorin again immediately. Share these grim tidings. I will-”

“The time for speaking is past.”

Gandalf stepped forward with hands raised. “Is gold so important to you that you would buy it with blood? Thranduil. The dwarves are not your enemy.”

Thranduil laughed mirthlessly. “Yes they are. They made themselves my enemy and Thorin Oakenshield may live long enough to regret it. I have been more than reasonable. And I am now finished being reasonable. You may leave.”

* * *

Dismissed, Bard walked with Gandalf and the Master back towards the city. “Does he intend to break the dwarves and leave us to face the orcs alone?” he muttered angrily.

“He may,” Gandalf answered, “or he may not. He seems genuinely fond of you, Bard. Although it can be hard to tell with Thranduil.” He offered a small smile.

Bard stopped and looked at the Master. “What can we do? Othur, you have been silent. You need to talk to me.”

“We leave. Now. You led us here into this mess.” Othur crossed his arms. “You must get us out.”

Bard clenched his fists and attempt to keep his voice even. “How can we leave? Where would we go? The only way open is south and we would be on foot. No, the time for leaving is past and don’t you dare rewrite history, Othur. For it is not my fault that Thorin has rescinded on his promise. I can throw accusations around just as much as you can.”

He turned to Gandalf, rethinking his plan. He would only have one chance. After what had happened at the lakeside Thorin would be unlikely to fling open his doors in welcome to Bard's men. Bard could understand why. Thorin was rightly furious with them and he would have felt the same had someone threatened his children. More than threatened. Perhaps the request would be better received coming from the wizard.

He ordered his thoughts and began, “We have our wounded and infirm. We have many woman and children and not enough fighting men. We need to get inside that mountain, Gandalf. You are friends with Thorin, can you ask him to at least take our children and our sick if he will not take us all?” Bard reached out and took a hold of the wizard's sleeve. “Speak to Fili. Tell him I swear that I will walk away and ask for no other recompense if he will but protect my children.”

“Bard!”

“No, Othur. Some things are worth more than gold. I have made my decision. Will you ask them, Gandalf? I will sign anything Thorin wants. He need not part with a single gold coin.”

“Thranduil will not forgive you for this, Bard.” Gandalf looked carefully at him. "Have you thought this through?”

“No. Of course not. But I do not have the luxury of time. Can either of you tell me that Thranduil will stand by me when the orcs arrive?” Bard's looked from Gandalf's kind face to Othur's furious one. “I thought as much. Then what good is a mountain of gold to me if Thorin is dead and Thranduil gone back to his fortress in the woods.”

Bard looked back at the tent. “I cannot stand alone against an army of orcs.”

* * *

Bilbo removed the ring and tucked it securely into a deep pocket. He looked back at the line of grim faced elven archers and went searching for Bard.

The dour faced lakemen eventually pointed him towards the outer wall at the southside of the city. Here the wall lay collapsed in ruins, the rubble cleared away to one side to make a path through to where a sturdy bridge had been constructed across the bend of the Running River. Across the bridge the tents of the elven army spread between the riverbanks and the mountain's eastern spur.

Bilbo sniffed appreciatively as the delicious smells from the elven cookfires drifted toward him. He could hear fair voices raised in song and the whinneying of many horses.

Dragging his mind back to the task in hand he spotted Bard standing in a tight huddle with some other men close to the river. Bilbo took a second look and started running.

“Gandalf!” he yelled as he drew closer, waving an arm, the wizard turned and smiled happily.

“Bilbo Baggins! Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes? What are you doing in Dale?”

“How did you get past the guards?” Bard looked at him curiously as he arrived, panting.

“I could ask you the same, Gandalf.” Bilbo chose to ignore Bard's question for now.

“Why didn’t you meet us?” He lowered his voice and spoke directly to the wizard, “We have needed you very badly.”

Gandalf looked at Bilbo closely. “I’m sorry, truly I am. I was waylaid by other matters. But I’m here now.”

“I need to talk with you privately," Bilbo said quietly. He raised his voice. “Bard, I am very sorry about Lake-town.” Bilbo bowed his head.

“Thank you." Bard bowed his head in return before he smiled kindly at the hobbit. “I am very pleased to see you are well.”

Bilbo eyed the Master and lowered his voice, “I must speak with you and the Elvenking privately if I may, and urgently.”

“You can speak freely in front of Othur.” Bard nodded at the man. “We are all in the same boat now, so to speak.”

Bilbo considered this for a moment. “Well then, if that is the case then I have something in my possession that may end this....situation.” He looked up at Gandalf and smiled weakly. “I hope.”

* * *

“The heart of the mountain.” Thranduil smiled down at the Arkenstone as it lay sparkling on the table. “Well. This changes everything.”

Bard tore his eyes away from the jewel with difficulty. “How is this yours to give?”

“I am owed a fourteenth of the treasure.” Bilbo swallowed. “I took this as my share.” He smiled up at Bard as the bowman laid a heavy hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

“You may have saved us all.” Bard's face broke out into a relieved grin. “This is a kings ransom indeed. But why. You owe us no loyalty?”

“Oh, I’m not doing this for you,” said Bilbo. “Sorry, Bard, but I’m doing this for them. They will fight for this mountain to the last dwarf and I cannot let that happen. They are my friends and I would save them if I can.” He looked around their faces. “I do believe Thorin will negotiate for this and we can prevent a war. But you must move swiftly, Dain is coming. You have days. At most.”

“Then we will speak with Oakenshield at dawn," said Thranduil. “We will negotiate for your recompense, Bard.”

Bard shook his head and stood tall, looking Thranduil firmly in the eye. “Recompense can wait. We must negotiate for an alliance, my lord. An alliance against the orcs that are coming for us all.”

“What?” squeaked Bilbo, shocked. "Already?" He'd hoped they had more time. Actually, he thought as he tried to fight a rising panic, if he were being completely honest with himself he'd rather hoped it was all nonsense and the product of an overactive imagination.

Apparently not.

They ignored him, thankfully.

Thranduil laughed. “The orcs of Dol Guldur are not coming for me. Or for you, Bard.” He waved a hand at them. “Now, leave me. All of you. Get some rest and I will see you all before the dawn. And we will finish this.”

* * *

Gandalf hurried Bilbo out of the tent, a hand pushing at his shoulder. Bard stalking out ahead of them.

Once they were, probably, out of the Elvenking’s hearing Bard turned and opened his mouth, face dark.

Bilbo got in first. “Orcs?”

“Yes.” Gandalf took a hold of his shoulders and leaned down to look at him. “Azog is coming. Rest up tonight, we will get you a fast pony and you must leave at first light. I will think on the best route for you to take.”

Bilbo felt a little faint, and screwed up his courage. “I’m not going. You picked me as the fourteenth man, I’m not leaving them.”

“Bilbo.” Gandalf crouched down and spoke gently. “Setting aside for a moment the army of Azog that is descending on us, you cannot go back. I don’t like to think what Thorin will do to you if he finds out what you have done.”

Bilbo thought about that for a moment, dismissed it. “Thorin does not frighten me.”

“Well. He should.” Gandalf pushed himself back up to standing with a tired groan. “Don’t underestimate the power of gold, Bilbo. Especially gold that a serpent has long brooded over.

“I expect that dragon sickness will seep into the hearts of all who enter that mountain. Some more than others. And I suspect you know of what I speak, you are bound to have seen it. Perhaps you have even felt it to some degree yourself, although you have a stout and incorruptible hobbit heart.” Gandalf sighed. “And our dwarven friends are likely to be more susceptible to the sickness than most, their natures being as they are.”

He patted Bilbo's shoulder reassuringly as Bilbo stared up at him, horrified by the wizard's words. Then why did you send us here? Bilbo thought. Why would you send him, send all of us, to this place if you knew it would poison them? He thought back to Thorin. Standing in the Great Hall, surrounded by the towering mounds of gold. He had never stood a chance.

Bilbo was suddenly absolutely furious with the wizard.

I need to talk to Balin, he decided. Although, now that Bilbo thought about it, Balin hadn't seemed quite himself the last few days either. None of them did. He had put it down to the stress of the whole sorry situation but perhaps it was actually the sickness taking a proper grip. Fili then, he nodded, resolute. Fili. The only one apart from Ness who hasn't been near the gold. Bilbo felt a little pang of regret to be piling more worries on the lad but there was no other option.

He realised Gandalf was speaking to him.

“Now come, let us find you a bed for what remains of the night.” Gandalf looked from Bilbo to Bard. “Where are you going?”

Bard turned. “Othur, find somewhere for our guest. I am going back to speak to Thranduil. I will ask him to take us with him when he leaves.”

With a heavy sigh Gandalf replied, “You must do what is right by your people. I will come and help you if I can. Bilbo, I will come find you in the morning before you go.”

As Gandalf made to hurry after Bard, Bilbo grasped his sleeve, anger forgotten temporarily.

“Gandalf,” he whispered urgently. “I know. I know about the mirror.”

He watched as Gandalf’s eyebrows furrowed.

“And Fili knows.”

Gandalf looked really angry now. Bilbo couldn't help himself. “Well, what did you expect? And what were you even thinking, showing her the future in the first place? She tried to wait for you but when you weren't at the overlook...”

Bilbo paused, time was too short for arguments. “Anyway, none of that matters now. Gandalf. Thorin thinks either Fili or Kili or perhaps even both of them have betrayed him. He will assume that they have taken the Arkenstone, I’m sure of it. So I need to talk to you about how you are going to approach Thorin. You will need to tread very carefully. It is going bad in there and we need to fix it.”

Gandalf nodded. “I will be as quick as I can. Go. Have some food and a rest.”

* * *

Bilbo paced the room and stared out again up through the hole in the wall. Convinced the sky was lighter now than it had been.

He went back to the door and looked up and down the quiet street. Hanging his head he fingered the ring in his pocket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little change of scenery from the mountain, and back to canon.
> 
> I hope I'm managing to keep Bard (and everyone else) reasonably in character. 
> 
> I've drawn from movie Bard rather than book Bard. So he's gone from a bargeman to a king pretty much overnight. He's had no real experience with kings or power and he's doing the best he can.


	48. It is time to choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Arkenstone is revealed.

Vanessa obediently lifted her arms as Kili pulled the mail shirt over her head. He smiled at her and patted her cheek gently. “This one is better, almost a fit. We'll get you a belt.”

She nodded and attempted to smile back, unable to trust herself to speak around the lump in her throat. Afraid she would burst into tears again if she tried. She'd already done that twice since they woke up and she was fairly sure if it happened again she wouldn't be able to stop him going to Oin.

A plan, she thought, I need a plan.

She looked around the darkened, silent armoury and blinked back tears as he turned away to rummage through another shelf. He was dressed again in his light armour and she felt like her heart was breaking every single time she looked at him.

“Try not to worry, I know it's hard.” He turned back to her and wrapped a leather bracer tightly around her forearm. Measuring with his fingers he took the bracer off again and moved to the bench, lifting the leather punch. She trailed after him.

“I'd rather you had something more solid but we'll have to make do with these.” He wrapped the bracer around her forearm again and buckled it tightly, nodding to himself in approval as he drew a knife and cut the excess from the straps.

“The smiths of Erebor just didn't consider scrawny forearms when they were making armour. Or scrawny anything. A bit of an oversight, as it turns out. Look, we have it all planned, Ness. Dain will arrive, he'll break the siege. Thranduil won’t waste the lives of his people, he’ll back down.” Kili looked into her eyes. “The Elvenking is a coward. Uncle Thorin knows this to be true.”

Vanessa nodded back at him, tried to smile.

I need to talk to Fili, she thought. He'll know what to do.

“I know you don't believe me. And I know you're scared, my Ness. But this is all just a precaution.” Kili smiled reassuringly. “In case Thranduil tries anything before Dain arrives. I really don’t think he will, he's just posturing.”

He touched the scars on her forehead gently and looked thoughtful before turning away and picking up the matching bracer. “I’d quite like to find you a helm.”

Once he was reasonably happy he led her into the next chamber and began searching for a sword. Vanessa followed him about as he muttered and rattled his way through the racks, smiling despite herself.

“Try this one.” He watched her as she took an experimental swing and shook his head. “No. Too heavy. You’re all off balance. That won’t work.”

“I’m feeling very off balance. It’s going to take me a while to get used to this extra weight.”

He laughed. “Just be grateful I’m not putting you into heavy armour. Believe me, if I’d found any to fit I would have done.”

Wagging a gloved finger at her he looked suddenly serious. “If there's any arrows you get low, get behind a wall. Or if there’s no wall for whatever reason then you get behind me or Fili. If I tell you to do something, you do it. Immediately. Promise me.”

She nodded and he smiled and patted her face distractedly, all the while looking along the next rack.

“None of this is any good, we'll have to make do with knives.” He took her hand. “This way.”

* * *

They made their way hand in hand to the kitchen after she had helped buckle him back into his full armour. As he pushed open the door Vanessa took a deep breath to steady herself. Most of the Company were quietly gathered around the kitchen table, mugs or bowls in hand.

Bombur turned from the stove as they entered. “I’ve got porridge on the go, Kili. Long day today I think.”

“I wasn’t sure who would be up already," said Kili, dropping a kiss into Fili’s hair as he passed. “Sit down, Ness.”

Vanessa climbed onto the bench beside Fili. He nudged her gently with an armoured shoulder and smiled, looking her up and down, nodding his approval before he looked toward Kili questioningly. “No helm?”

“None that fitted, brother. I know.”

Vanessa looked around the table at the familiar faces, all looking so different. It was jarring.

“Are you feeling any better?” Bofur leaned across the table and took her hand. His heavy and unfamiliar in a metal gauntlet. She stared at their hands and nodded, swallowing hard.

Kili set a large bowl of porridge in front of her and she looked up at him, shaking her head as he took a seat on to the bench beside her.

“I don’t think I-”

“Every drop, Ness. Force it down if you have to.” He lowered his voice to a whisper, “For me. Please.”

She lifted her spoon and met Bilbo’s eyes across the table, the only one dressed in his usual clothes. He was stirring his own bowl listlessly and looked completely miserable. She offered him a small smile and got one in return.

It was almost a relief when Dwalin pushed open the door. “We’ve got movement in Dale. They’re coming.”

Everyone stood, retrieving weapons and helms. Remarkably quietly for the amount of metal they were all wearing, Vanessa thought.

Kili took her hand as she stood, raised it to his lips. “Stay with me, Ness.”

* * *

Vanessa followed Kili up the steps to the battlements, still hand in hand. Fili ahead of them. Through the others she could see Thorin, looking resplendent and every inch the King under the Mountain in shining armour, furs and crown.

He turned as the Company fanned out around him. “Fili. Kili. With me.” He indicated the places by his side.

Kili stopped, torn, and Vanessa tried to drop his hand but he held her tightly.

“Kili,” she whispered urgently.

She felt a little tug on her belt and Bofur spoke in a low voice behind them. "Kili, lad, I’ve got her. Go.”

Kili turned and nodded once at Bofur. Leaned down from the step above to kiss her, hard, a hand on the nape of her neck to hold her to him. Vanessa opened her eyes and looked over his shoulder. Thorin’s face was dark. She pulled away with a struggle and looked up at Kili.

“Go,” she whispered, patting the cold metal covering his chest. “Please go.”

Bofur pushed her over next to Bilbo and stood behind them, a hand on each of their shoulders as they looked over the wall. They watched in silence as Bard and Thranduil rode through the ranks of elves, making their way slowly towards the mountain.

“What is that thing?” Vanessa whispered.

“That.” Bofur leant forward between them. “That is an elk.”

“It's massive.”

“The Elvenking likes a bit of theatre I suppose.” Bofur chuckled quietly. “Saying that, I wouldn’t fancy being anywhere near those antlers if that thing was angry.”

All three of them jumped as an arrow struck the ground in front of the elk.

“No closer,” called Thorin. “Else the next one will be between your eyes.”

Bofur cheered loudly with the others as Bilbo exchanged a look with Vanessa. Thranduil held up a hand and they heard the terrifying sound of hundreds of elven archers nocking their bows. Vanessa stared in horror, her mouth suddenly dry.

With a merry 'Whoops!' Bofur dragged Bilbo and her down below the ramparts, slinging his arms around their shoulders. He grinned at them as they crouched.

“You are all completely mad,” whispered Bilbo. They listened to the rest of the Company laughing whilst they took cover.

“We have come...” said Thranduil.

They heard another noise and Bofur peeped over the ramparts and pulled them back to their feet. Vanessa breathed a sigh of relief to see the elven archers back at ease and tried to wipe sweaty palms on her mail shirt.

Thranduil smiled. “We have come to tell you that payment of your debt has been offered and accepted.”

“What payment?” Thorin said. “I have given you nothing.”

A collective gasp from the Company as Bard held a shining white jewel aloft.

"We have this.”

Vanessa cut her eyes to Bilbo. He alone had made no sound and his knuckles were white where he held the wall. She looked back at Bard, thinking she could hazard a guess as to what it was he was holding.

This is either going to go really well, she thought. Or really, really badly.

As she stared at the Arkenstone her blood ran cold. He's going to think it's me, she realised with horror. Actually, no, he's going to think it's Fili. I need to warn him. She risked a glance and looked directly into Thorin's eyes.

“Thieves!” Kili roared, making her jump. Bofur placed a steadying hand on her arm. “How came you by the heirloom of our house? That stone belongs to the king.”

“And the king may have it, Prince Kili.” Bard tucked the stone back into his pocket and patted it. “But first. We negotiate.”

* * *

Thorin turned away and lowered his voice, speaking for the ears of the Company only. They all moved a little closer. “This is a ruse. The Arkenstone is here, in this mountain.” He looked at Fili, who nodded in agreement.

“I don’t see how it could be otherwise, Uncle.”

“That is certain.” Thorin mused, stepping forward and moving slowly around the Company. Some of the dwarves took an involuntary step back as Thorin looked at them carefully in turn.

Vanessa tried to stand her ground and look him in the eye, almost managing to not shrink back against Bofur as he slowly passed her.

“Unless someone has taken it from me.” Thorin stopped in front of Fili and Kili and narrowed his eyes. Fili moved almost imperceptibly in front of this brother. “It is now becoming clear to me. Who, out of all of us, has been outside this mountain?” Thorin directed his question to Kili.

“Tell me!” he roared.

Kili stared back at him, shaking his head, open-mouthed.

Bofur slipped an arm around Vanessa’s waist and pushed her behind him quickly, shaking his head at her and putting a finger to his lips.

“No.” Kili shook his head harder, a glance at Fili. “Uncle. No.”

“Do not look to your brother for support," Thorin growled. Striking quickly he threw Fili out of the way and grasped Kili’s arm, slamming him back hard against the battlements in a crash of armour.

“Tell me!” Thorin roared again, a hand now hooked into the armour at Kili's throat and pushing him out backward over the stone lip of the rampart.

Vanessa cried out and tried to slip around Bofur. He caught and restrained her easily and she was forced to watch Kili push futilely at Thorin's chest, kicking at his uncle's armoured legs as he attempted to break free. Fili had shouldered his way between them as best he could whilst still holding tightly to Kili.

The Company stood, frozen uselessly in horror.

“Wait. Stop. Thorin!” shouted Bilbo, pushing his way through the Company. “Wait. I gave it to them. To Bard, I mean. I gave the Arkenstone to Bard.”

Thorin stopped and turned slowly to face Bilbo. Bofur released his hold on Vanessa as everyone stared at the hobbit.

Bilbo straightened his shoulders and lifted his head, nodded once. “I took it. As my fourteenth share.”

“You took it?” Thorin released Kili and stepped towards Bilbo, murder in his eyes. “You stole from me.”

Bilbo took a step backward hurriedly. “No. I didn’t steal it. It can stand against my claim.”

“Your claim,” Thorin spoke quietly. Vanessa watched Kili exchange a look with Fili and they both stepped in unison to flank Thorin.

“Yes.” Bilbo retreated again, the Company melted away behind him. "I was going to give it to you. Many times. But-”

“But what, thief?”

Bilbo planted his feet and stared up at Thorin, tilting his chin defiantly. “But you changed. You’re not the same honourable dwarf that left Bag End. You went back on your word. You doubt the loyalty of your kin.”

“Do not speak to me of loyalty.” Thorin reached behind him and grasped Fili's arm, hurling him forward towards Bilbo. “Throw him from the ramparts.”

“What?” Fili turned, horrified, the colour draining from his face. “Uncle.”

“We are speaking of loyalty, Fili.” Thorin swept his gaze around the Company. “Did none of you hear me? I gave you an order.”

Fili shook his head. “Uncle," he pleaded, raising a hand as Thorin roughly shoved past him.

“Then I will do it myself.” Thorin took Bilbo roughly by the arm and dragged him across to the ramparts. One-handed Thorin lifted him over the edge easily, Bilbo squeaking in fright as he scrabbled uselessly at the stone.

Fili roused himself and ran forward to take a hold of Thorin's waist, attempting to drag his uncle backward, as Kili and Oin grabbed at Bilbo.

Vanessa stood with Bofur, frozen to the spot with fear. Bofur whispering something beside her that she didn’t catch, it sounded like a prayer. She took his armoured fingers in hers, not sure what else to do.

“I curse you!” shouted Thorin at Bilbo.

Dwalin joined with Fili, between them managing to slowly drag Thorin backward.

“And I curse the wizard who sent you to destroy me!”

“Gandalf.” Bofur grasped Vanessa's shoulder and pointed.

There better be a really fucking good explanation as to why you're down there and not in here with us, Vanessa thought angrily, as they watched Gandalf stride quickly through the ranks of elves.

“If you don’t like my burglar, then please don’t damage him. Return him to me.” Gandalf did not raise his voice but it carried to them all the same.

Thorin relaxed his hold as he glared at the wizard.

Quickly Kili snatched Bilbo away and pushed the white faced and shaking hobbit behind him. Fili released his grip on his uncle and backed away slowly as Thorin swung to face him, furious.

“You’re not making a very splendid figure as King under the Mountain are you Thorin, son of Thrain?” Gandalf called.

Thorin spun away from Fili and slammed his armoured fists against the ramparts.

“Never again will I have dealings with wizards," he snarled. “You can have your creatures back, Gandalf. Be thankful that I have shown mercy and they are still in one piece.”

Thorin turned away from Gandalf and stepped towards Kili. “It is time to choose.”

Vanessa looked at Kili as he lifted his chin and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Uncle.”

“Get out of my sight,” Thorin said quietly. “Go. I never want to set eyes on you again. You are nothing to me. But for the love I bear your mother I would-”

“Thorin!” Bard called from below. “Time grows short. We would speak with you about terms.”

Thorin whirled back to the ramparts in a flurry of furs with a snarl.

Bofur scurried across to a stunned Kili and patted him on the shoulder, taking Bilbo’s hand. “Come on, Bilbo, let’s get you out of here. You too, Kili. Come on, lad.”

Vanessa looked around the stricken faces of the Company, unable to believe what was happening.

Fili grasped her arm. “You need to go, now.” Sliding an arm around her waist he half carried her towards the far end of the ramparts where Dwalin was tying on a rope and throwing it to the ground.

Bofur towed a shocked looking Bilbo past them and Vanessa watched with tears in her eyes as an obviously distraught Balin touched Kili's face before clasping him into a hug.

Fili was watching them too. He turned back at her with a sad smile, pulled her into his arms and held her against his chest. Vanessa pressed herself tightly to the unyielding armour and wrapped her arms around him, a heavy, gauntlet-clad hand on the back of her head.

“This is it then,” he whispered into her hair. “Will you think of me sometimes?”

She pulled free a little so she could look up at his face. “Don’t you dare. Please don't say goodbye to me again. We will make this right.”

Fili smiled at her and pressed his lips against her forehead. She closed her eyes and leaned into him.

I need to tell him about the armour, she thought. I need to tell him so many things.

“I will make it right, Ness. Your part here is done. Now you must look after my brother for me. Get far away from here as fast as you can and live a long and happy life with him. Promise me.” He tilted her head back gently, the touch of cold metal under her chin a shock. “Open your eyes. I want you to look at me when you make your promise.”

She opened her eyes, his face inches from hers. Before she could answer or say any of the words she wanted to say he stepped away, catching Kili in his arms as he barrelled across the walkway. The brothers wrapped their arms around each other, heads close.

“Come on, lass." Bofur took her hand and tugged gently. “Let’s get you and Bilbo away. He'll be right behind you.”

* * *

Fili held his little brother, cursing the armour between them. He tore off one gauntlet, then the other, dropping them to the stones. Buried his hands and face in Kili’s hair to breathe him in one more time.

“I’m sorry, my brother,” he whispered.

Kili shook his head, his face tight against Fili’s neck.

“I am. I’m sorry for everything.” Fili lifted his head as he heard Bard shout from below.

“You must give us an answer, Thorin. Will you agree to terms?”

I need more time, Fili thought desperately. I haven’t had nearly enough time, I’ve so much I need to say.

“I would have stood beside you on the day you were wed,” he whispered quickly into Kili’s hair, keeping his eyes on Thorin. "I would have stood beside you, my little brother, and worn a path into the flagstones with you, as we waited together to hear your child’s first cry.”

Kili lifted his head to look at him, eyes red rimmed.

Fili smiled sadly. “And I still will be. I’ll always be right beside you, as I have been ever since the day you drew your very first breath. I will always be your big brother.” He placed one hand flat over Kili’s heart, the other on the nape of his neck, pressed their foreheads together tightly. “I will be right here, I promise. I will always be with you. I will never leave you.”

A flutter of black wings over their heads. Fili looked across at Thorin as a raven settled on the stone. Thorin stared at the bird grimly before roaring back down to Bard and Thranduil, “I will agree no terms with thieves!”

“I’m so sorry, lads." Dwalin began to pull Kili away, wrapping an arm around his waist and half lifting him. “You need to go, Kili.”

Fili followed them to the wall, blinking hard, barely able to believe what was happening. As Dwalin took a hand away and reached for the rope Kili fought his way free and flung himself back into Fili's arms, his voice cracking.

“Fee.”

One more tight hug and a final kiss and Fili forced himself to be the one to pull away, his own face wet as he unwrapped Kili's arms from around his neck. He helped his little brother over the rampart, made sure he was holding on tightly to the rope and wiped the tears gently from Kili's face as they whispered their final words.

Finally and well before he was ready he held on to the ramparts, his knuckles white against the grey stone, and watched as Kili left him. His baby brother climbing hand over hand until he reached the ground.

Fili took a step back from the wall, on legs that he suddenly wasn't sure would be able to support him. Stroking his thumb over the little runestone he pressed it hard to his lips and tucked it safely away. “I love you, my little brother," he whispered. 


	49. The greater good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharing secrets in the Elvenking's camp.

Vanessa watched Kili climb swiftly hand over hand down the rope towards them. She could feel the nervous energy rolling off Bilbo as he stood beside her. Her own heart pounded in her throat, one foot tapping frantically against the boulder, no matter how much she tried to still it.

Not altogether surprising really, as she suspected that they had just heard Thorin declare war. So that would mean that they were now standing in no man's land, between two opposing armies. It really didn't feel like a very good place to be.

She didn’t dare look up at the Company. Not sure she'd be able to hold back the tears if he was looking back at her.

Kili jumped the last few feet, landing with a light jingle of metal. He nodded to both of them tightly, jaw set and eyes red rimmed. “Let’s go.”

Quickly he led them across the boulders blocking the river at the foot of the gate, turning to help first Bilbo and then her down on to the road. As they walked out from the shadow of the gate Thorin began to shout in Khuzdul. Vanessa looked up at Kili as he walked beside her. Watched his shoulders slump slightly before he reached behind his head, touching his hair and freeing it from it’s clasp.

He looked at the little piece of metal in his palm for a long moment as they walked. If she hadn't been listening closely she might have missed the little sigh as he ran his thumb over the device on it's surface.

Blinking hard he let it slip through his fingers to the ground.

Vanessa looked over her shoulder as it hit the broken cobblestones with a small rattle. She took another few steps at Kili's side, glancing up at him as he tilted his chin and straightened his shoulders, avoiding her eyes. With a final glance she made her decision and ran back, frowning up at Thorin as she knelt to pick it up. He glowered back at her, pausing in his tirade.

She stood slowly, keeping eye contact with him, pretending she wasn't afraid, even though she was absolutely, definitely, still well in range. Once she was on her feet she deliberately turned her back and ran quickly after the others, an itch between her shoulder blades. Tucking the clasp safety into her pocket as she went.

Thorin's angry words started up again as she ran, louder this time.

Bard dismounted as they drew close, leading his horse to meet them. “Prince Kili.”

Kili shook his head, not stopping. "It’s just Kili now, Bard.”

Bard frowned and fell into step beside them. Vanessa looked behind her, no longer able to see who was on the ramparts. She imagined that she saw a flash of golden hair in the weak winter sun and her heart clenched painfully.

* * *

With difficulty Fili kept his back straight and his head high as he watched his little brother walk away from him forever. He locked his knees, fought the urge to fall to the stones and weep.

Thorin was shouting and Fili flinched along with the Company. His face burning with shame and an undercurrent of anger as his uncle disinherited Kili for all to hear, naming him a traitor to his blood and all his kin. Fili's eyes misted and he blinked rapidly to clear them.

Safe, he told himself, they will be safe and all this will not matter in the end.

He forced himself to stand straighter, watching sadly as Kili deliberately removed his clasp with his Durin crest and let it fall through his fingers to the path. Ness turned and Fili could clearly see the indecision flitting across her face as she glanced up to Kili before running back and picking it up. He smiled a little, grateful to her.

As she lifted her head Fili heard Thorin stumble over his words and pause. Fili's own heart stuttered and the smile fell from his face at the look of pure, malevolent hatred directed at his uncle. He heard an intake of breath and a quick muttered prayer from Bofur standing at his shoulder.

Then, like a shadow passing over the sun, it was gone and she was back to his Ness, standing and running back after Kili. Fili breathed out shakily as Thorin recovered and continued his tirade.

Fili continued to watch as they drew level with Thranduil and Bard, the Elvenking glancing down at them as they passed and Bard dismounting and hailing them. Fili pleaded wordlessly with Kili to stop or acknowledge the two kings in some small way.

Little brother, he begged silently, you need no more enemies. You stand alone, it's time to bend that stiff neck of yours a little.

Thranduil looked impassively back towards Erebor's gate. Fili felt sure the king's sharp eyes sought him out before the huge elk turned slowly and the elven army began to return to Dale.

Lost in his own thoughts Fili started when Thorin gripped his arm.

“Tell me, my sister-son. Tell me the Shire rat worked alone.”

* * *

Kili stopped as Gandalf stepped in front of them.

“Well," Gandalf said. “I was hoping to see you all again under better circumstances.”

Vanessa had just opened her mouth to give the wizard a very large piece of her mind when Kili whirled angrily on Bilbo.

“The Arkenstone. You betrayed us all.”

Bilbo looked stricken. “To stop a war. I only ever wanted to protect you. You couldn't have won. Look around you, Kili.”

Kili, his face dark, took a purposeful step forward as Bilbo rapidly retreated. Vanessa grabbed a hold of Kili's arm, her fingers slipping on the metal. She saw Bard doing the same on the other side, his horse starting as Kili angrily growled and shook them off.

Gandalf stepped in between them all, hands raised. “That’s enough now, Kili. Let it go.”

“So, here we all are,” said Thranduil, dismounting and handing the reins to a waiting elf who began to lead the elk away. A lakeman scurried over and took Bard's horse, following the elf. Thranduil surveyed the scene in front of him, tilted his head. “We need to plan our next steps. Are you with us, Dwarf?”

“I will not raise arms against my family.” Kili laughed mirthlessly. “Elf.”

Thranduil smiled. “I've picked up enough of your very secret dwarven language to know you have no family. And I will not have a potential traitor armed and in my camp. So you can swear fealty or you can leave. Now.”

“Thranduil.” Gandalf stepped forward. “Be reasonable.”

Vanessa grabbed at Kili’s arm again as he started speaking rapidly in Khuzdul, his voice rising in anger as he approached the Elvenking.

Gandalf put out a hand. “That’s enough.” He raised his own voice thunderously when Kili ignored him. “I said, that’s enough.”

Kili fell silent, glaring at Gandalf mutinously through his hair.

“Good,” said Gandalf, “good. Right. Let’s all head back to your camp, Thranduil, and we'll get everything settled. Lead the way, King Bard.”

* * *

Bard looked at the tent, his face concerned. “Do you think she’s safe in there with him?”

“Ness will be fine,” Bilbo said, jumping as another heavy thud shivered the canvas. He was fairly confident she'd be standing beside them and chewing on her fingernails if she felt she was in any real danger.

He looked up at the new King of Dale. “Perhaps I should get him some wine or something, he’s not having a good day. Would that be all right, Bard?”

Bard shrugged. “Of course, I’ll find you some.”

“I don’t think so.” Thranduil laughed, holding up a hand as Bard stepped away. “Have either of you any idea how much damage one angry, drunk dwarf can do? No. And he had better not break my things. I’m being more than generous letting them have a tent whilst he decides what he’s doing.” He looked down at Bilbo. “Get in there and calm them down, halfling. Before I do.”

Gandalf placed a hand on Bilbo's shoulder. “Not yet, give him a little more time.”

“I’m not sure Kili will help us, Thranduil.” Bard looked up the Elvenking. “I haven’t had much dealings with him granted but I found his brother Fili to be by far the more reasonable of the two.”

“That’s hardly fair,” said Gandalf gently, “considering the circumstances at the time. And he didn’t kill anyone, did he? That showed remarkable restraint in my opinion.”

“Again, I believe that was solely due to Fili’s influence. But I take your point. I'll reserve judgement for now. My children are very fond of him, very fond of them all if the truth be told. They will be saddened when today's news reaches them.”

Gandalf looked towards the tent and nodded. "It is a sad day all round. Ah, I believe things may be calming down now. We'll be in Thranduil’s tent when you are ready, Bilbo. Good luck.”

Bilbo grabbed Gandalf’s sleeve as the wizard turned to follow the others. “Gandalf, Ness and I need to talk to you. About, you know...” He waggled his eyebrows at Gandalf meaningfully. When Gandalf only looked back at him curiously he whispered, “The mirror.”

“Oh. I think we’re well past all that now. Events have outpaced us. The orcs will be upon us all soon I believe and the situation has changed dramatically. I'm sorry, but Thorin is not the fine king I had hoped he would be.” Gandalf sighed heavily, looking genuinely saddened. “If by their deaths we can save Erebor from Azog as the mirror indicated then I feel now that perhaps it may be for the greater good after all. I wish it could have been otherwise. But, now that Kili is no longer in the line of succession..."

He smiled faintly. "Perhaps fate will let us snatch one of them back, that would be a good outcome. Better than I had hoped.”

“Gandalf! You cannot possibly condemn-"

“I'm sorry Bilbo, I am truly fond of them too but this is bigger than one company of dwarves. Erebor must not fall. And that may require great sacrifice, and likely from more than just the line of Durin.” He waved towards the tent. “Now go on with you, I have to try and convince Thranduil to stay. That will be no easy task and I would appreciate Kili’s help. Despite what Thorin believes his current thoughts are towards his nephew I feel Kili is key to changing his mind and joining forces with us, if only temporarily. If anyone can appeal to his heart it will be Kili.”

Gandalf stopped and thought for a moment before he continued, “And Dain has always had a soft spot for the boy. Oh, see if you can find out how long we have before that cantankerous dwarf lord joins us would you? Numbers too, if you can.”

* * *

Vanessa leant back against the table and watched as Kili stalked the length of the tent.

Stopping suddenly he tugged off his gauntlets and threw one followed by the other into a corner. They rattled hard against an elaborate wooden cabinet and that seemed to set him off. He started undoing buckles rapidly, tearing at the straps. She ran over to help him, leaping back when he threw the heavy chest plate after the gauntlets with a roar.

Once he was down to his light armour he scrubbed his hands roughly through his hair and started pacing again. Vanessa gathered up the scattered armour as he wore a track across the plush carpeted floor. She jumped and turned as he kicked the central pole of the tent, hard. The canvas rippled above them. He did it again.

“Kili.” She walked across and took his angry face gently in her hands. “You will bring this tent down on top of our heads. Stop. Talk to me. I know you’re hurting. I know.”

He pressed their foreheads together hard, hands clenched into fists in her hair. “I didn’t think he would actually do it to me.”

Vanessa wound her hands through his hair and held on tightly. “I am so sorry.”

“I thought Uncle Thorin would change his mind. I truly believed he would. He looked at me like he hated me. And he thought I’d taken it. And he said...and Fee. Oh, my Fee...”

She pulled his head down to her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her, crushing the breath out of her.

And that was how Bilbo found them when he cautiously announced himself and peeped his head around the canvas. Vanessa waved him in and pointed to the table, pressing a kiss into Kili’s hair and whispering to him. Kili tightened his arms further and shook his head against her. He allowed her to lead him across to the table and sat down heavily, scowling.

Bilbo produced a bottle of wine from under his jacket and set it carefully on the table, followed by a second one. “A poor apology, Kili, but an apology nonetheless. I’m sorry for everything, with all my heart I wish it could have been different.”

“Where did you get these?” Vanessa asked, turning one of the bottles on the table. “What’s that seal?”

Bilbo raised a finger to his lips. “The Elvenking's personal supply. Terribly badly guarded, anyone could just walk in and help themselves.”

Vanessa held her breath and watched as a grin crept across Kili’s face, although he tried his best to smother it. He put his head in his hands as he laughed hard and she breathed out in relief and laughed herself. “Brilliant, Bilbo, well done. Will you open one, Kili? It’s a bit early but I think we could all do with a drink.”

Kili took the bottle from her, opening it with his teeth and spitting the cork out across the tent. He took a long drink and handed the bottle to Bilbo with a smile.

* * *

Fili was worried.

He planted his feet solidly, doing his best to appear outwardly calm, and waited on the wide walkway. Dwalin a tall, silent presence at his back.

Balin stood ahead of them, beside the dais, his face pale and drawn above his white beard. The remaining members of the Company were split between the other, narrower, walkways that surrounded the throne like the spokes of a great wheel. They huddled together, only Nori and Bofur making eye contact with him. Bofur gave him a small, worried smile.

Fili breathed in slowly, filling his chest, feeling a bit lost without the familiar weight of weapons or armour. At Thorin's command he had been thoroughly searched before he had been allowed to leave the battlements. His habit for hidden knives meaning Dwalin had to search as far as skin in full view of every member of the Company before Thorin finally nodded his approval. Fili had stood obediently and endured the affront, burning with silent shame and humiliation.

No-one had spoken to him, so he had kept his eyes on the flagstones and didn't let Dwalin know that he'd missed one.

Thorin had physically jolted when Dwalin had slipped Kili's little runestone from Fili's pocket. Fili had lifted his eyes to his uncle’s then. A small nod and Fili was allowed to keep the stone, now held tightly like a talisman in the fingers of his right hand. A hand, he told himself firmly, that definitely wasn’t shaking.

He flickered his eyes around the throne room, his first time seeing it. The great carved throne that he’d always been told he would take one day. His birthright.

Fili breathed out slowly. His mind suddenly conjured for him an image of Ness in Rivendell, bathed in bright sunlight and sitting cross legged in front of them. Hands resting palms upward on her knees, eyes closed, trying to teach them some elvish sounding nonsense about calming breaths. Kili with his head bowed, trying desperately not to laugh beside him. Shoulders shaking, their knees touching. Avoiding each others eyes so they didn't set each other off and offend her. Again. His lips quirked despite himself. In hindsight he probably should have listened a little more closely to her.

“I do not see what could possibly be amusing you.” Thorin looked at him steadily over steepled fingertips, elbows resting on his knees as he studied Fili closely. Still clad in his full armour with the Raven crown on his brow it was very much his King glowering at him sternly, not his beloved uncle.

Fili shook his head mutely, dropped his eyes towards the floor.

Thorin sighed heavily and Fili raised his head in time to see him nod to Dwalin.

A light push between his shoulder blades was his command to move. Fili walked forward towards the throne and stopped obediently when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Expecting Dwalin to remove his hand Fili looked back in confusion as the big dwarf pushed down.

“On your knees, lad," Dwalin hissed in a low voice. He growled a little when Fili stared back at him in disbelief. “I said, on your knees. Fili.”

“No.” Fili turned to Thorin in protest. “Uncle?”

Thorin nodded and Dwalin increased the pressure.

Fili allowed himself to be pushed down to his knees, feeling the heat rising in his face as the Company watched silently. He realised suddenly that for the first time in his life he was truly alone. No-one was going to speak up on his behalf or stand beside him.

“Uncle.” He looked up at Thorin. “What is-"

Thorin leaned back into the throne and raised a hand.

Fili stopped and waited, his stomach churning. His eyes crept unbidden to the smooth edge of the walkway, mere inches from his knee. An unfamiliar and very unpleasant rush of lightheadedness swept through him as he looked out over the edge and down into the darkness beyond. In his mind he was suddenly back on the battlements. In that moment of heart stopping, paralysing fear when Thorin had pushed him forward into the midst of the Company, and he had truly believed his uncle meant to have him, not Bilbo, thrown from the ramparts.

He told himself firmly that he was definitely not remembering the bloodthirsty stories Thorin had told him and Kili as dwarflings.

Stories of traitorous dwarves thrown screaming to their deaths from Erebor’s high and narrow walkways.

Stories that would have his mother tutting disapprovingly and a wide eyed Kili begging for more.

Fili lifted his chin, his heart beating much too fast. He forced himself to meet Thorin's considering gaze with his own. Determined to show no fear, even as a cold bead of sweat rolled between his shoulder blades and made it's slow way down his back.

* * *

“Right,” said Bilbo as Kili opened the second bottle. “I think it’s about time we all put our cards on the table. So to speak.”

“What?” Vanessa stared at Bilbo.

He looked back at her steadily as she shook her head at him a fraction and gave him the filthiest look she could manage.

“Yes, Ness.” Bilbo giggled a little, completely ignoring her very clear warning to stop. She resisted the urge to fling herself across the table at him. “Sorry I don’t know why I found that so funny. I should probably have eaten something before drinking. Yes, Ness, cards on the table time.”

He rapped the table smartly with his knuckles and pointed at her. “You go first.”

Kili looked at her and smiled fondly. “Ness has no cards.” He lounged in his chair, tilting it back onto two legs and stretching slowly. He rested a boot on the table when he had finished. “And I have none. So that just leaves you. What cards is it that you have, Master Baggins?”

Bilbo smiled at him and nodded to Ness, raising his eyebrows expectedly. “Shall I tell it?”

Vanessa stayed silent and thought about murder.

Kili set both feet on the floor and leaned forward in his chair, suddenly looking worried. “Ness?”

She took a deep breath. “I need to tell you something.”

* * *

“Please talk to me.” Vanessa pleaded with Kili as he paced the floor of the tent. She leant forward and hissed angrily at the hobbit sitting opposite, “This is your fault.”

“I’m sorry, Kili!" Bilbo called again.

“Ness.”

She jumped and nearly fell out of her chair as Kili banged the table beside her with both hands, somehow no longer across the tent.

“Do you have any idea how much this hurts? To have the two people I love most in the world lie to me?” He slammed his hands flat on the table again, hard. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why did Bilbo know and not me? Why didn’t you trust me? The way that I trust you?”

“Kili...” she began, looking into his dark, furious eyes and suddenly feeling a little scared and very small.

To her surprise Bilbo jumped in. “It was Fili's decision. Fili doesn’t know everything and he worked out that Ness was holding something back so he asked her to talk to me. Me and Ness both wanted to tell you.”

“Fee didn’t trust me?” Kili looked at Bilbo, his voice pained.

Vanessa touched his hand, her own shaking a little. “No. Of course he trusts you. He didn’t want you to know because he didn’t want you to feel like he did.”

He stared at her hand. Vanessa watched as the emotions flickered across his face. Daring to breath again as the tension began to leave him.

“That’s why he’s been not himself since Lake-town. Poor Fee.” Kili looked down at the table and flopped back into the chair, covering his face tightly with his hands.

They waited quietly until he lifted his hands away. His face impassive and controlled before he turned to her. 

There's the family resemblance, she thought with a jolt. Suddenly seeing Thorin in the lines of his face. 

“What doesn’t Fili know? Exactly.”

“I didn’t tell him about the child hiding, I’m now half sure it was in Erebor but I don’t know. Maybe it was from the past? From before the dragon?” She paused hopefully.

He nodded and dropped his eyes to the table for a moment before making eye contact again. "I expect so." 

They looked at each other sadly for a long moment. Vanessa swallowed hard around the sudden lump in her throat. "And I didn’t tell him about the tombs.”

“Good," Kili said softly. "That might stop him doing something stupid.” He drummed on the table with his fingertips as he thought.

“What do you mean?” Vanessa asked after some moments had passed and nothing more was forthcoming.

“Well, if we are dead and being buried in the tombs then someone holds Erebor, and it’s not Azog. He's not called The Defiler for nothing."

Vanessa thought she might be sick. 

"And if there's time for a royal burial then we're not actively at war.” Kili leaned forward. “Did you ever at any point, Ness, say the words ‘the greater good’ to my brother? Like when you told me what Gandalf had said to you. Those words or anything like it.”

Vanessa thought hard. “I don’t think so.”

“Good. That's something at least.” Kili nodded and turned away from her. “Bilbo, you think Gandalf is just going to let things play out? He's not actively going to help them?”

“He said everything had changed.”

“Wait, wait,” Vanessa said, suddenly remembering. She grabbed at Kili's arm. “The gate. Fili. At the gate.”

They both looked at her.

“You didn't mention the gate before.” Bilbo leaned forward. “Which gate? What did you see?”

Vanessa shook her head. “No. Not the mirror. I was talking with Fili at the gate in Erebor and I said about how he'll make a good king and he said, he said then about the greater good and....” She tailed off, feeling suddenly very cold and very sober.

“And?” Bilbo prompted.

“And that we both knew he wouldn't be king.”

“Fuck.” Kili lifted the bottle and took another mouthful, he handed it to Vanessa as she stared at him. “Fine. Fine. We need a plan. We know the orcs are coming, that much is certain. Did you see elves on the battlefield, Ness?”

“It was too fast, just orcs and...” She choked back a sob, remembering the hordes of orcs, blanketing the valley.

Kili patted her hand and hushed her a little. “It’s fine, don’t think about it. I’m sorry.” He took a knife from somewhere and spun it on the table as he thought. “We need the elves with us to stand a chance. Orcs will just carve through Bard's lot. Dain will hopefully arrive in time and join us.”

He stood up suddenly, knocking his chair over as the knife spun slowly to a stop. “Bilbo, what did Gandalf say about the orcs?”

“It wasn’t Gandalf," said Bilbo, "it was Thranduil. He said the orcs of Dol Guldur.”

“And what about Gundabad?”

“What?”

“Bolg.” Kili began pacing again. “The one Ness saw kill...anyway. Never mind that. Legolas was following him toward Gundabad, so if he returns from there.”

He stopped and swore softly. “Two orc armies.”


	50. In this I am yours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fifty chapters! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this far, I really hope you're enjoying it.

The elven guard lifted the canvas as they approached.

“Ah.” Thranduil stood as they entered. He waved the guard back outside. “The dwarf, the halfling and the witch.” He indicated seats at the long table.

“He goes.” Kili pointed across the table to Othur. “He goes now or I kill him.”

“Peace, Kili,” said Bard. “He is the Master of Lake-town, he must stay. That is non negotiable. We sometimes cannot like all our allies.” He smiled ruefully and pulled out a chair beside him. “Please. Sit.”

Thranduil looked at Bard curiously as Kili took the offered seat with a final glower at Othur who, although looking uncomfortable, tilted his chin defiantly.

“That’s enough,” said Gandalf, rapping the table sharply. “Kili, you came here for a reason.”

Kili nodded, a little distracted. The too large elvish chairs and table were unsettling him and making him feel at a disadvantage. He pushed his chair back and stood and that felt a little better. Ness smiled up at him encouragingly.

“We have information that you need to hear.” He reached to sift through the maps on the table and pulled one toward him, settling it on top and spreading it flat with both hands. Taking his time while he gathered himself.

He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling as if a great weight was sitting on his chest. Thorin had called him a traitor and he was painfully aware that he was about to prove his uncle correct. “You may or may not be aware but Lord Dain is on his way to the mountain. He has five hundred fighting dwarves in his vanguard, with the main force following not far behind. Dain himself is travelling with the vanguard and his own personal guard and we had expected him to arrive at some point tomorrow.”

Kili traced Dain's route on the map, trying to ignore the slight tremble in his fingers. His uncle's words echoed loudly in his head. He swallowed and raised his voice a little to drown them out, kept his eyes fixed firmly on the map as he continued. “The remainder of the army, made up of warriors travelling with non combatants such as smiths and builders and the supply wagons, are expected to arrive over the following days. Not that there’s any such things as a non combatant dwarf really, as you all well know. All in all Dain had expected to raise close to three thousand in this first wave.”

Out of the corner of his eye Kili could see Thranduil gliding closer. “If you had showed no signs of attacking then the plan was for Dain to await his full force before moving into position, like so.” Kili moved his fingers on the map to demonstrate as Thranduil leaned over his shoulder. He ignored the elf. “Thorin would then bring down the gate and move everyone in.”

“That was a foolhardy plan," Thranduil said close to his ear, a mocking smile in his voice, “for we would have attacked you whilst the gate was down.”

Raising his eyebrows Kili looked back over his shoulder at Thranduil, amused. “Would you really? How many elves do you have? We put you at about six thousand. Two to one, or thereabouts, against seasoned fighters ready to die to defend Erebor?” He laughed. “I think we both know what you would have done, my lord Thranduil.”

The Elvenking pulled himself back to his full height, looking offended and more than a little angry. Too late Kili reminded himself that he was meant to be courting the temperamental Elvenking, not upsetting him. He turned back to the map, temporarily losing the thread of his thoughts as he felt Thranduil's eyes on him.

“I notice you have not mentioned my men.” Bard looked up from the map.

Kili shook his head and met Bard's eyes, grateful to him for the reprieve. “The bulk of your people are not fighters. I expect you have barely more than a few hundred who can hold a sword and much less who can actually use one. I put several of your trained guards on their back and I was unarmed and not at my full strength.” Reminding himself not to annoy Bard as well Kili shrugged and continued with a rueful smile. “So no, we didn’t really factor you in. You might have surprised us.”

Bard shrugged in return. “Perhaps. I’d rather not find out.”

“We may yet.” Kili looked back at the map. “Gandalf has told you about the orcs. They have left the fortress in Dol Guldur, here.” He looked at the Elvenking, now back in his seat and composed at the head of the table. “I’m assuming you know where your son is?”

Thranduil raised an eyebrow as Kili cursed himself again for his choice of words.

Gandalf sat forward. “Go on.”

Kili cleared his throat and moved his hands on the map. “Bolg, Azog’s spawn, attacked us in Lake-town after following us from Mirkwood. Legolas suspected he was heading to Gundabad and his intention was to follow. I fully expect that there will be a second orc army coming from the north, here.” He traced a route thoughtfully and lifted his head to look at Gandalf. “Did you see Azog at Dol Guldur?”

Gandalf nodded to the table. “Yes. He was leading them.”

“I expected as much.” Kili nodded. “They are coming for us then. Azog swore to wipe out the line of Durin. He comes for us and for the mountain.”

A beat of silence around the table.

Thranduil pushed his chair back and stood. “Then I wish you all good fortune. This is not my fight.”

“My Lord!" Bard jumped to his feet with a cry.

“We cannot hope to overcome this without you, my lord Thranduil.” Kili looked up at the Elvenking steadily. “I understand well what we are asking of you. And what we will ask of Dain, and of Bard. Many lives may be lost. But my uncle cannot stand alone.”

Gandalf stood. “If the dark powers take that mountain, Thranduil, then how long before they come for you? It will not be very long I expect. We need to end it now. You know it is right. You must-”

“Legolas made a promise to Fili.” Ness picked at the table, her voice low and her eyes down. They all looked at her. “He promised he would come back and let Fili know what he found at Gundabad.”

She straightened her shoulders and met Thranduil’s eyes. “Your son spared my life when it was none of his concern. I don’t know him well but from what I have seen I expect that he will stand and fight with us.”

Thranduil narrowed his eyes at her. Kili felt a surge of hope. He pressed on. “I will ride out and meet Dain. He needs to know what he is walking into.”

He gave the Elvenking another few moments to think it through, kept his gaze and posture polite and deferential. “My lord Thranduil, we need a decision. Are you with us?”

“You are asking me to sacrifice my people's lives, dwarf.”

Kili nodded, content it wasn't an outright no just yet. “I am. But I would like to save as many as we can.”

Gandalf sat back down and leaned his elbows on the table, eyes twinkling with interest. “You have a plan.”

“The beginnings of one.”

Thranduil slowly took his seat. “I’m listening.”

Kili drummed his fingers on the table and looked at Ness. “I’ve just been told that Ness has been given a glimpse into the future. She saw-”

“Witchcraft,” whispered Othur. “I knew it," he said to the table triumphantly.

“You are aware that Gandalf is a wizard?” said Bard. “Be silent, Othur. You embarrass us both.”

Kili maintained eye contact with Thranduil, the only one that mattered really. The elf stared back at him, face inscrutable. “It was an elvish magic. Ness was shown some possible futures. Some of which showed battles here at Erebor. They focused mainly on Thorin, my brother and-"

“Kili, you cannot-”

“Gandalf.” Kili slammed a hand against the table, rattling the glasses. He glared at the wizard, kept his voice level with some effort. “We need to use all information available to us.”

Gandalf looked offended and made a noise of annoyance but said no more.

Kili turned his attention back to Thranduil. “In one future we fell on the battlefield, in front of the gate I believe. The other showed Azog and Bolg both on Ravenhill.” He touched the position on the map in case the elf wasn't aware. “That makes sense to me. It’s a strategic position, Azog will be able to see the whole battlefield. I will wait for Azog there.”

Kili forced himself to ignore the sharp intake of breath beside him, he should perhaps have warned her. He focused again on Thranduil, waiting for a reaction.

“No.”

He felt Ness grab his arm as she hissed at him, distracting him.

"No, Kili.”

Kili looked down at her and smiled. He peeled her fingers from his mail and set her hand firmly on the table, patting it as she glared at him. “It’s fine, Ness. I know what I’m doing.”

A quick look down at the map again to steady himself before he looked back up at Thranduil, wondering how best to proceed, aware the Elvenking was watching him closely. He picked his words carefully. “I would assume that you will send riders to your kingdom to forewarn them in case the orc army travels through Mirkwood. But if any could be spared, and if you were willing, perhaps you would also send scouts in this direction, and here. It would be useful to find out how quickly the armies are moving.”

He traced lines on the map as he thought, tapping a fingernail against his tooth before he realised what he was doing and stopped. “I don’t know if they will join forces before they strike at us?”

He sat and looked around the table, shrugging. “I feel that they will, but that is based purely on both captains being on Ravenhill. The other vision could yet be the correct one. We need to know if Azog will sweep into us from the south whilst Bolg attacks from the north.”

“I will send my fastest riders.” Thranduil inclined his head. “I will stay.”

Kili nodded his thanks, struggling to keep the relieved grin from his face.

“You cannot go to Ravenhill alone.” Gandalf looked at him and smiled. “I will go with you.”

He nodded his thanks to the wizard as well, that would stack the odds a little. Gandalf could be useful.

“We should put a force up on Ravenhill surely?” suggested Bard.

Ness nodded enthusiastically and banged the table, pointing at Bard. “Yes. Surely that would be much more sensible? A couple of hundred elven archers up there?” She banged the table again and Kili recalled that she'd had a reasonable amount of wine on an empty stomach. He patted her on the shoulder to quieten her. She looked up at him, lowered her brows mutinously. “It is. It's a much better idea, Kili. Make him into a big, ugly pincushion.”

“Azog is a slippery character with an uncanny knack for survival.” Gandalf smiled indulgently at Ness as he spoke, she glared back at him like she planned to fling herself across the table. Kili squeezed her shoulder gently. 

“No." Gandalf nodded to them all. "Kili is right, surprise is the key.”

“So you intend to kill the commanders before battle commences?” Thranduil was watching him closely.

“Yes.” Kili nodded. “But if we fail then it will fall to you and Dain. And Bard of course. And Thorin if we can persuade him. I would like to move Bard's womanfolk and the like into the mountain if we can. Fee, I mean Fili, has already tried but I would try again.”

“Thank you.” Bard bowed his head gratefully.

“In light of this new information I do truly believe my uncle will help but you should prepare somewhere in the city just in case, Bard.” Kili drew a circle around Dale with his finger on the map, before he straightened his back, squared his shoulders and looked at Thranduil. “I have no battle experience, save what I have read or been told. And in any case we cannot all be in command.”

He took a deep breath, crossing the final line. “I believe that you should lead us. You asked for fealty, in this I am yours. I will follow your command, my lord.”

* * *

Kili took a deep breath as he stepped out into the afternoon sunlight, the warm tent had been slowly suffocating him.

Promising to follow Thranduil's command had made him feel ill.

There would no hope of reconciliation with Thorin now, he thought sadly, no matter the outcome of the battle. There would be no convincing Thorin that swearing fealty to Thranduil had ever been the right thing to do, under any circumstance. But at least the Elvenking hadn't put him onto a knee. He wasn't sure his battered pride or his broken heart could have done it.

The canvas moved behind him as Ness left the tent. She flung her arms around him, hugging him fiercely with her head pressed tight against his back as the elven guards hurried past them to Thranduil. Kili bowed his head and placed his hands over hers where they clasped about his chest, pleased that at least she understood what the afternoon had cost him.

“I want you back inside that mountain,” he whispered. “You and Bilbo. We'll get you in hidden amongst Bard's people.”

She was shaking her head and saying something he couldn’t make out. Kili turned to face her, putting his fingers under her chin and tilting her head so he could look at her properly. Her face was set, defiant. He sighed and tried again. “You cannot be out here. And it won’t help me if you are. Knowing you are safe will give me strength. And I need someone to sit on Fee and stop him doing anything reckless.”

She looked at him and he could see the words forming, the refusal to obey him.

Please, he thought, don't make me say it out loud. Not today of all days. He looked at her steadily, his heart breaking that little bit more. “I’m giving you permission to do anything you need to do to keep him in that mountain. Anything. Please. Keep my brother safe.” She stared at him, open mouthed.

He nodded at her, hoped she understood what he was telling her. He couldn't speak plainer. “You must promise me this.”

“Kili.”

Kili turned at Bilbo's urgent hiss, still holding Ness. Bilbo beckoned to them, holding the entrance to their tent open.

The hobbit looked around shiftily, jerked his head and hissed again, “Kili, this way. Quickly.”

Bilbo was unusually agitated as he pushed them inside, waving them towards the table. “Sit, sit.”

Settling a silent Ness into a chair Kili took one himself as Bilbo paced.

“Kili.” Bilbo said, “If Azog sees you he will kill you.”

Kili glanced at Ness, her face paled and she looked like she might be sick.

“He will.” Bilbo strode quickly to the table and carefully set down a little gold ring. “So we need to make sure he doesn't see you.”

* * *

“Uncle.”

“You should defend yourself, Fili. I would strongly recommend you attempt to do so.” Thorin looked at him sternly.

“Uncle, this is madness. You can't believe this of me.” Fili glanced at the Company and lowered his voice. “Thorin, you know how much you mean to me. I would never betray you. Never.”

Thorin sighed, “Do you deny making an alliance with men and elves?”

“It wasn't like that.” Fili shook his head.

“You tried to persuade me to let those men, your allies, in to my mountain.”

“For their safety only.”

“And then Thranduil arrived. I saw your nod to the bargeman.” Thorin snorted, “You are not adept at subterfuge.”

“I didn't-”

Thorin raised a hand, “You cast aspersions on my fitness to rule.”

Fili looked at Balin sharply.

“Do not look to Balin, I saw you take him aside. I also know you spoke with the Shire rat privately on several occasions.”

“Uncle, everyone speaks to everyone. That's hardly-”

“As did the witch. I do not believe for a moment that he worked alone. You turned him against me. You arranged for the Arkenstone to be delivered to my enemies. I should have known when you showed no interest in helping with the search that it had already been secured. What was to be your reward? What did they promise you?”

“No, Uncle.” Fili made an attempt to get to his feet. Knees hitting the stone again hard as Dwalin shoved him back down with enough force to overbalance him. Flinging his hands flat against the ground to catch himself, Fili forgot the little runestone until it bounced once on the walkway and skittered towards the edge. All dignity forgotten he threw himself forward with a cry to snatch it up, taking Dwalin by surprise. The big dwarf swore behind him and caught a hold of his shirt, trailing him back from the edge.

His heart pounding painfully at the near loss of his token, Fili pushed himself slowly back up to kneeling. At his back Dwalin whispered and squeezed his shoulder but if it had been words of comfort or censure Fili couldn't tell, lost as they were to the rushing in his ears.

Fingers white-knuckled around the runestone, the carved surface pressed against his palm, Fili tried to gather himself. “Uncle Thorin, you've got it all wrong. I-”

Thorin pushed himself to his feet and strode quickly down the walkway, his face dark. Despite his determination to show no fear Fili shrank instinctively back against Dwalin's legs, seeking comfort as his uncle came to a halt in front of them.

A big hand reached down and roughly clasped his jaw. The achingly familiar calloused fingers dug hard into his skin and held him with none of their usual gentleness. Fili sucked in a breath as his head was forced sharply back, colliding with Dwalin's thigh.

"Open your eyes," Thorin commanded.

He hadn't realised he'd closed them. 

“What did she bring back?” Thorin muttered, moving close, his eyes searching as his fingers dug in harder. “What has she sent back to me?”

Staring back into his uncle's eyes Fili barely dared breathe as he pleaded silently for mercy.

* * *

Kili looked at Bilbo, shook his head. “I don't understand.”

“I'll show you. Watch.” Bilbo lifted the ring and slipped it on.

Kili jumped to his feet, knocking his chair over and stumbled. He looked around, confused.

“What's wrong?” Ness reached out for him.

“Bilbo?” Kili asked, ducking to look under the table for the hobbit as Ness started to laugh, a hand covering her mouth. “Ness, did you see where he went?”

Ness sobered. “Are you feeling all right?” She pointed. “He's right there.”

Kili looked at the empty chair, feeling the hairs lift on his neck and arms. “I can't see him," he said slowly, staring and wondering if he'd gone mad.

Suddenly Bilbo was back, still in his chair, the little gold ring laying flat on his palm. A triumphant little smile on his face.

Kili breathed out shakily. Some kind of witchcraft. He looked at Ness suspiciously.

“I found it in the goblin caves,” explained Bilbo. “You could see me, Ness?”

“Yes.” She looked between them, seemingly confused. “Was I not supposed to?”

“Try it on.” Bilbo pushed it across the table to her.

She lifted it gingerly, looked at both of them, shrugged and slipped it on.

Watching her carefully Kili jumped again when, instead of disappearing, she leapt to her feet, screaming and scrabbling frantically at her fingers. Tearing the ring off she flung it across the tent. Bilbo squeaked and chased it.

Kili caught a hold of her, she was shaking violently. “Ness?”

“Bilbo, what the actual fuck?” she screamed.

Bilbo looked up. “What is wrong with you? Don’t just throw it away. Ah, there it is.” He reached behind a piece of discarded armour. “Thank goodness.”

“What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you? How did you just sit there smiling away smugly with that thing on?”

Ness was still shouting. Kili rubbed her arms, made hushing noises, attempting to quieten her before their tent filled with elves. He glanced towards the entrance.

“I feel like I’ve been turned inside out.” She shuddered as he turned back to look at her. “My head, Kili. That was horrible.”

Bilbo shook his head at her disapprovingly and walked back to the table. Kili pushed Ness back down gently into her seat. She lifted the wine and took a long drink, glaring at Bilbo as she set the bottle down heavily.

Kili turned to Bilbo. “Could you still see Ness when she had it on?”

Bilbo nodded.

“Me too.” Kili looked at Ness and shook his head. “So it doesn't work on you.”

“Good.” She took another drink. Kili moved the bottle away from her. "That's good. I'm never touching that horrible thing again.”

“No. That's correct. You won't.” Bilbo pushed the ring across to Kili. “Your turn.”

Kili touched it cautiously with the tip of his finger.

“It’s fine, honestly,” Bilbo said reassuringly. “I don't know what her problem is, I've had it on loads.”

Kili picked it up and turned it through his fingers, examining it closely. He weighed it on his palm.

A plain gold band.

He slid it on to his little finger, expecting it not to go past the joint but it slipped on easily. Surprised, he marvelled at it, turning his hand this way and that to admire it. He couldn't believe he'd thought it plain. He chastised himself a little, it really was the most beautiful thing. The tent grew a little darker, a shadow slipping over the weak sun outside perhaps. Kili remembered what he was supposed to be doing and looked around the room.

Nothing seemed different. He felt disappointed. It was a shame. He smiled sadly at Ness who was looking directly at him and sighed. “I don’t think it works on me either.”

“Yes, it does.” Bilbo nodded. “Are you still standing where you were? I can’t see you.”

“I can see him,” Ness said.

Kili laughed and looked down at himself, it was a very strange feeling. He lifted his chair and set it upright again. “Can you really not see me? So I can touch things wearing it. What about weapons?” He pulled a knife from his boot, flipped it end to end before slamming it deep into the table.

Bilbo jumped.

“Kili, don't do that!” he reprimanded, grabbing at his chest whilst Ness laughed.

She looked up at Kili. “Is that the knife me and Fili made you?”

“Of course. It's a good knife, my favourite.” He leaned down and kissed her lightly before turning towards the hobbit. “What did you see, Bilbo?”

“Well I can see that you've ruined Thranduil's nice table, you lout.”

Kili grinned and took the ring off, bouncing it on his palm before handing it back to Bilbo. “That's quite a trick.”

“You can take it to Ravenhill with you." Bilbo looked at him earnestly. “As long as you promise to bring it back.”


	51. The worst of betrayals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Forgive me, brother.

“I don’t think it’s going well," Vanessa hissed to Bilbo.

Tucked in behind the long cloaks of the first rank of elven guards, they were peeping out as much as they dared. Assuming that their presence might upset Thorin, but still wanting to be close enough to see and hear. Not that hearing really mattered as it had turned out.

“No.” Bilbo agreed. “It doesn't sound like it. But perhaps it's not as bad as we think. Khuzdul always sounds a bit shouty. Hush a moment, I think I just heard your name.”

They waited quietly as Thorin responded to Kili.

It took a while.

“Well,” said Bilbo as Thorin paused for breath, “if Thorin wasn’t angry before he certainly is now.”

Gandalf stepped forward and held up his hands. “Peace, Thorin. Time grows short and we need an answer from you. Will you be the king I believe you can be?”

“You plotted to steal the Arkenstone from me, Gandalf. You placed traitors in my Company with the sole intention of breaking my line and you have the nerve to-"

“Thorin.” Gandalf took another step.

“No!" Thorin shouted. “I am not interested in any further lies. You have taken enough from me, wizard. You will not have Erebor.”

Vanessa peered around the elf in front of her. Kili was looking along the ramparts, frowning. He stepped forward again as Gandalf placed a restraining hand on his chest. She heard him shout in Khuzdul, recognised one of the words. She scanned along the battlements above the gate, searching for him. Imagined him standing on the stairs beyond the gate. His face pale, too heartsick to join the rest of the Company but still needing to hear what was being said. Vanessa hoped he wasn't alone. She tried to count heads. Couldn't see Bofur.

That's good, she thought, Bofur will be with him.

“You have no brother," Thorin said as he turned away. “We are finished here, wizard. Take your pawns and go. Your meddling in dwarven affairs is at an end.”

* * *

Vanessa paced back and forth across the tent. She growled at herself in frustration, clenching her fists. Again she thought over the visions from the mirror, trying to recall every detail. She wished she’d looked closer. She wished she hadn’t pulled away. What did I miss, she muttered to herself as she turned at the entrance for another circuit, the wind blowing a fine mist of cold rain through the canvas. There must have been something more.

“Anything?” asked Bilbo from the table hopefully.

She shook her head. “No. Nothing.”

I should have got her to play it again, Vanessa thought angrily. Why didnt I write it all down? I should have combed through it scene by scene with Galadriel and compared notes. Drawn pictures. Anything. But, no. Crying and fainting, utterly useless.

They both jumped at the sound of heavy hoof beats and ran out of the tent. Kili leapt from Gandalf's horse before the huge beast had fully stopped and landed lightly, his face dark, wet hair plastered to his skull.

“Did you find Dain?” asked Bilbo.

Gandalf dismounted. An elven guard stepped smartly forward and took the reins, leading the soaked, mud spattered horse away. Gandalf nodded his thanks, turned to them. “Yes, we found him. He's high on the eastern spur, awaiting his full strength.”

Vanessa touched Kili's arm, he shook his head. “Dain wouldn't even speak to me. Or Gandalf. We're on our own.”

Bilbo and Vanessa exchanged a look.

“What happens now?” asked Bilbo.

“We carry on of course.” Gandalf smiled grimly. “I'll go and break the news to Thranduil and Bard. And I'll be needing a look at that ring of yours.”

Bilbo glared at Kili, who was staring off into the distance toward the mist shrouded mountain and not paying him any mind.

Gandalf reached and touched Kili's shoulder. “Not to worry, we have other friends who will come. It is far from hopeless.” They all pretended they hadn't heard the wizard muttering 'If they make it in time' as he splashed his way towards Thranduil's tent.

* * *

“And then he got really upset and shouted at me to ask him a question and I just couldn't think. And I was holding the ring in my pocket and I was just wondering aloud what it was and he thought that was the question.”

“What?” laughed Kili. “That wasn't really fair.”

“I was a bit frazzled.” Bilbo took another drink and stretched his legs out on the bed, passing the bottle to Vanessa.

She waved it away and curled tighter into Kili's chest, twisting a lock of his hair through her fingers.

“Then he asked for three guesses which I allowed.”

“Very generous of you.” Kili leant forward and plucked the bottle out of Bilbo's hands, taking a long drink.

“He reneged on his offer anyway, nasty little creature. Took his guesses and then disappeared off into the gloom. Looking for this so he could sneak back and throttle me I would imagine.” Bilbo lifted the ring from his pocket and looked through it, a little drunkenly.

“It is quite a thing to have.” Kili stared at the ring. “I wonder where he got it?”

“Dunno,” said Bilbo. "Stole it I expect.”

The two of them looked at each other and started laughing, each setting the other off again as they tried to stop. Bilbo wiped his eyes as he regained control of himself and stood, putting the ring away carefully and patting his pocket. “Right then. I'll be off. See you in the morning, I suppose.”

As the canvas flap fell closed behind him Kili gave her a little shake. “Don't be falling asleep like that, my Ness. Get into bed properly.” He wriggled out from under her and carefully placed the wine bottle on the floor. Vanessa watched him with a smile as he stood and stretched.

“What?” he asked when he'd finished.

“Go on then. Shirt off. Since you've gone and woken me up now.”

He grinned at her, looking through his hair as he unlaced his shirt and pulled it off slowly. Vanessa whistled and clapped happily, scooting forwards to hook her fingers into his waistband and tug him down to her. Running her hands up his chest and into his hair she wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

“You're just perfect,” she whispered against his mouth as he climbed back onto the bed and pulled her hips firmly to his. “I love you, my Kili.”

* * *

Fili couldn't sleep. The chamber was too quiet.

He turned on to his back and pillowed his head on his arm, his other hand spread flat over his aching stomach.

They had brought him something to eat earlier but he hadn't been able to force it down. Bofur had given him a sad smile when he'd returned to collect the tray, offered to leave it as Gloin watched from the doorway, stony faced. Fili had shook his head and shifted on the bench to turn his face from them, not wanting to see either further pity or condemnation. They had left without another word, locking the door behind them, and Fili had listened to their footsteps as they echoed and faded away. 

He stared up into the darkness.

Dwalin had suggested he be held in Kili's room while Thorin decided what to do with him. Still on his knees in the throne room Fili had felt a surge of gratitude for the kindness, wanting more than anything to wrap himself in the furs that would have still held his brother’s scent. But Thorin had refused and Fili had been taken into the depths of the mountain. Along dark passageways to a spartan chamber with no windows and a sturdy lock. Dwalin and Dori had escorted him, neither speaking a word of comfort or otherwise.

He had stood outside the chamber, or cell really, for that's what it was, and waited whilst Dwalin checked around the walls, shining the torch into the darkness, running a hand along the stone. It hadn't taken long, the chamber was small and cheerless and damp smelling. It's only furniture the stone bench he was lying on. Dwalin had nodded once to Dori and beckoned Fili into the chamber. He'd gone obediently and sat on the bench as indicated, his arms held out in front of him for Dori to unlock the manacles.

Fili had rubbed his wrists and watched them as they left, taking the torch with them. He'd fancied that Dwalin looked back at him with a softness in his eyes before the door slammed closed and the lock turned and they left him alone in the dark.

He had tried to concentrate on forming a plan but no matter how he approached it his circumstances seemed impossible. There was only one possible way out of the deep cells of Erebor for a dwarf found guilty of treason. 

When planning failed to lead him anywhere other than in more depressing circles he tried to sleep. But that too was proving impossible. Instead he lay worrying about Azog creeping ever closer. Worrying about his uncle. Desperately missing the sound of his brother's soft breathing that had soothed him to sleep for over seventy years.

Fili closed his eyes again firmly.

If everything worked out, he snorted quietly at that, and even if it didn't he'd have to learn to sleep alone. So he may as well try and get some practice in.

He tried again to force himself to relax, rolling his hips and stretching out his back in an attempt to get more comfortable on the unyielding stone. Tried to quieten his thoughts.

Unbidden a memory of soft, warm skin crept into his mind. His fingers twitched as he remembered reaching out and taking a light hold of her belt, her warm smile as he pulled her gently down to him. She had curled herself in tightly, her arm sliding across his chest, his arm snug around her waist, their legs entwined.

It had been no different to how they had curled up together for warmth and comfort a hundred times before. And yet Fili's heart had begun to beat a little faster as he looked out at the night sky, his fingers gently stroking her neck.

The stars had shone brightly above Ravenhill and he had wondered how many more nights he would have before it was all over. It had been a very strange feeling. To know with a certainty that not only was his own death fast approaching but that he would fall only a few miles from where he sat, oddly content.

It was as he had ran a thumb along her jaw that he had become aware of her pulse. How it had hammered under his fingertips as, without really thinking too much about it, he gently tilted her face to his.

The smallest moment of hesitation before he placed that first, tentative, kiss on her lips. Only the lightest of touches, but a declaration nonetheless. Her eyes had been wide in the faint starlight as he had waited, heart pounding, for her to push him away.

Part of him had suddenly hoped that she would.

He had watched, barely daring to breathe, as her hand slid slowly up his chest. His heart pounding harder still when fingers grazed the bare skin above his collar, curling tightly into the hair at the nape of his neck and drawing him slowly to her. Soft lips parting against his as she whispered his name and reached for his belt.

To his shame he felt himself hardening as he remembered how he had lain her down gently on the stone, high above the Gallery floor. The taste of her. Slow, deep kisses, so different to the urgency in Lake-town.

As the memory of Lake-town had flickered across his mind the guilt had crept in and he had pulled back, ashamed, ready to apologise and beg her forgiveness for his behaviour. But somehow, whilst he had been distracted by soft kisses, his hand had slid underneath her clothes. Fingertips brushing across the soft skin of her belly and running over the ridges of her ribs.

The apology had hung unsaid on his lips as his fingers, seemingly moving of their own volition, hooked under the bindings and eased them to her waist. Her hand tightening in his hair as she pulled him back down to her.

All thoughts of stopping were swept away as she kissed him hard and raised her hips to meet his, moaning into his mouth when he ran his fingertips over the swell of her breasts. That small sound and the sensation of her nipples hardening to stiffened peaks under his touch nearly undoing him.

Fili realised his fingertips were tracing slow circles on his belly, drifting a little below his laces. Stopping himself sternly he put his hands by his sides and tried to think of something else.

But lying in the dark it was impossible to direct his thoughts elsewhere. There was nothing else he could think of. There was nothing else he wanted to think of.

Instead he allowed himself to remember her lips by his ear, the lightest of kisses brushing against his neck. His eyes had flown open at the nip of teeth on his skin, the sensation a surprise, causing him to draw in a sharp breath. Her hands sliding then from his hair and grasping fistfuls of his tunic.

An urgent, whispered command.

A little uncertain he had sat back. She had propped herself up on an elbow, nodding to him and smiling expectantly. After a moment of uncertainty he shucked the tunic off, since she had asked. She'd thanked him very prettily, taking it from his hands, folding it and tucking it under her head as she lay back down with a wide smile.

He'd leaned forward, wanting to kiss her again, but she had shook her head. A hand on his chest to push him away. Obediently he had sat back again on his haunches, feeling a bit rejected and confused.

“And the shirt,” she had said with a smile, “go on, it's only fair.”

She had raised her eyebrows at him when his hands hesitated on the laces. 

The touch of cool air on his skin had been a contrast to his heated embarrassment at being almost naked in front of her. An uncomfortable feeling that increased as her eyes moved slowly down his body. Suddenly he had become very aware that she would be able to see how aroused he was and he had shuffled back a little, wishing it were darker as he felt his face flame red.

As he moved to pull his shirt back on she sat up in front of him and quickly tugged off first her tunic followed by her shirt, throwing them carelessly to the side. She pulled his from his unresisting hands and threw it after them. 

He had barely time to register what had happened before she hooked her fingers into the waistband of his trousers and dragged him down with her, taking him by surprise. And then they were kissing urgently, skin against skin, her hands exploring him. Between kisses as she ran her fingertips over him she had whispered to him that he had nothing to be embarrassed about, that he was perfect. And in that moment, he had believed her.

The hairs on his arms lifted in the darkness of his cell, as they had done when her fingernails had carved their slow path from his shoulders to the small of his back. The lightest pressure from her hands lowering his hips to rest gently on hers.

She had allowed him a moment of stillness. Her eyes holding his as they breathed together. His hair falling about her face as he braced himself above her, careful to keep his weight from her. Their bodies lightly touching. Her fingers had tightened against his back and she had ground her hips slowly and firmly against him. Her lips curving into a smile as he made some small noise.

With his heart pounding so hard he was sure she would be able to hear it he had watched her unlace herself. Her eyes on him as she took his hand and guided his fingers.

Fili closed his eyes as he remembered her lips parting, warm breath on his face as she panted slowly. Her eyelids fluttering closed. His mouth had found the soft skin at the hollow of her throat as her body arched against the stone. The sound of her softly moaning his name sending a tremor through him.

Instinctively he had moved against her and she had opened her eyes and smiled up at him. Asked him if he was sure.

Fili had thought hard for a long moment before firmly pushing his conscience aside, deciding that he had never been more sure of anything.

He had told her so and she had smiled and kissed him hard. One hand tightly in his hair as she unlaced him, agonisingly slowly, with the other. Running her fingers along his length before she wrapped her hand firmly around him. A moan had escaped him then, his hips moving without him meaning them to.

Her sharp teeth had nipped at his earlobe and with a smile in her voice she had told him to wait, not to come yet. He had breathed hard and struggled to obey her as she stroked him, his eyes closed as he tried to resist the tightening pressure building within. Whispered to her that he couldn't, shaking his head as his muscles began to contract and her lips found his.

Fili groaned aloud in the darkness of his cell at the memory of her soft cry when he had entered her. He had stopped, apologising. Worried that he had hurt her. He remembered his relief as she shook her head, told him no. Then a sweet kiss and a whisper not to stop.

He'd slid his arms under her, trying to protect her from the stone as they had moved together. Her fingers tight in his hair as she told him to open his eyes. Telling him she wanted him to look at her when he came.

He had held her closely to him after, their bodies and heartbeats as one. And, with his skin still tingling and his head a confused tangle of guilt and bliss, they had sworn to never speak of it again.

She had cried and he had gently kissed away her tears of remorse, both of them promising to protect his brother’s heart above all else. Then he had wrapped her up tightly in his arms and watched over her as she slept, staring out at the stars and feeling strangely at peace.

Not realising that sleep had claimed him too until he had awakened, heart hammering, as Kili called his name.

Fili stamped the treacherous thoughts away with a groan, dragging his hands through his hair as he said a fervent prayer that Kili and Ness were already far away from Erebor. And that his brother would forgive him when they met again in the halls of their fathers, for this, the worst of betrayals.

* * *

Vanessa sat cross legged on the bed watching Kili as he shaved. He met her eyes in the mirror. “Don’t look so worried, Ness.”

She tried to smile.

“Honestly, it’ll be fine.” He washed the knife in the basin and splashed water on his face. “I have no intention of an honourable fight with Azog, I promise you. He'll not even see me.”

“He doesn't need to see you to know you're there.”

Kili smiled at her, drying off and walking over to the bed. He leaned in and kissed her, pushing her backwards and climbing on top of her. “I know. I'm a hunter, he's an animal like any other. And I'll have Gandalf with me. He can cause a distraction, he's good at those. Then I'll shoot Azog in the back. A couple of times just to make sure. Bolg as well. Easy. Will you braid my hair?”

Vanessa stopped running her hands up and down his chest and looked up at him.

“Please.” He sat up, pulling her with him and turning to settle himself in front of her, handing her the leather ties. “Braid it like Fee's for me.”

* * *

Bilbo found them at the mess tent. “There you are. Come on, some of the scouts are back.” He stopped and stared at Kili, open-mouthed.

Kili touched one of the braids a little self-consciously. The tugging at his temples felt strange, his head heavier somehow. He suddenly missed his brother desperately and pushed the thoughts aside, forcing a smile to his face and a laugh into his voice. “I'm not that different.”

“No, no.” Bilbo smiled. “Just took me a moment. It's good. It's nice. I understand, I do. Come on, we're keeping him waiting.”

They ran across the camp to Thranduil's command tent, the guards lifting the canvas for them to enter as they approached. Thranduil waved them to seats and continued speaking with his scouts.

Kili took a seat next to Bard. “Thranduil looks unhappy.”

Bard nodded and said in a low voice, “The scouts sent north have not yet returned.”

“What of the others?” Kili kept his eyes on the Elvenking.

“They have found nothing.” Bard shook his head.

“So it will be from the north then,” Bilbo whispered, paling.

Ness moved the map closer to her, tracing the route from Gundabad slowly with a finger. She looked at him, her eyes wide and worried. “They're going to come straight over Ravenhill. Kili, we need to think of something else.”

He turned to her and took her hand, pressing a kiss to her wrist, as an elf pushed aside the canvas and entered.

“My King." The elf bowed. “We have news from the mountain.”


	52. We need to kill all those things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle begins.

“How are we doing this?” Dwalin crossed his arms and leaned on the ramparts, elbow to elbow with Thorin as they looked up at the ranks of armoured dwarves. Dain's army arrayed high along the eastern spur, the rising sun glinting off their armour.

Thorin scratched fingers through his beard and looked out towards Dale. “I'd like to know what Thranduil is up to. What are your thoughts?”

Dwalin peered forward toward Dale. He could make out some activity along the city walls, but the main gate over the causeway remained closed. There were other gates though, and Thranduil's camp was south of the city. If the elf was going to send riders it would make sense to bring them around the city walls, not through the city itself. He rubbed his face as he thought.

“Those elves can cover a lot of ground, fast. Much faster than Dain's wagons can get down. But I don't know if he's got the stomach for it. My heart says no.” Dwalin eyed Thorin carefully before he continued, a quick glance to his brother standing by the steps. “And Kili will counsel him against it.”

Thorin snorted and walked to the steps, looking down into the gatehouse below. The Company were almost finished with the task of blocking all the entrances into the mountain bar one. He turned back and cast his eyes up towards Dain. Dwalin awaited the decision.

“Balin, tell Dain to come to me. We'll bring the gate down when he is into position."

* * *

They stood on the city walls looking out toward the mountain.

“We need that army,” Gandalf said as they watched Dain move the last of his supply wagons down the steep eastern spur of the mountain. The bulk of the dwarven army already in a defensive formation around Erebor's huge gate.

“There are no orc armies to the south,” said Othur. Thranduil nodded slowly, considering.

“We have covered and recovered this already.” Bard kept his eyes forward. “I will not sacrifice my people in a flight south. We would be defenceless and sure to be overrun. And the dwarves will need our help. Whether they appreciate it or not.”

Thranduil raised an eyebrow at Bard who shrugged and smiled ruefully. “I concede that it's mainly your help, my lord Thranduil.”

“What was that?” Vanessa lifted her hand from where she had rested her palm against the city wall. Touched the wall again, feeling the smallest of vibrations through her fingertips.

“I felt it too.” Kili looked out over the valley. “The stone is shaking.”

Another shudder, this time they all felt it.

Thranduil looked sharply to Kili. “What do you have in that mountain?”

“That is not coming from the mountain.” Gandalf was staring at the western spur, along the valley wall. “Ready your archers, Thranduil. Sound the alarm. Do it now.” He turned back towards the city, shouting, “Brace the gate! To arms! Arm yourselves!”

* * *

Bofur leant idly out over the ramparts, boots tapping out a tune gently against the stone as he watched Dain's army with hopeful interest. He flicked the pipestem clamped between his teeth with his tongue as he hummed along, the empty bowl of his pipe jigging up and down

One of the wagons seemed considerably lighter than the others, the barrels smaller.

Bofur watched the Iron Hills dwarves manoeuvre it carefully into position and felt his spirits lift a little. It looked promising. He was just rubbing his cold hands together in happy anticipation when the valley wall on the western spur down by Dale burst outward.

“Thorin!” he yelled unnecessarily. The pipe falling from his mouth as he turned to his King standing only metres away and pointed. "Thorin!"

Bofur spun back to face the valley, not entirely sure what he was seeing. He felt like he'd been dunked in icy water. Behind him the Company clattered up the steps, drawn by the noise.

Nori appeared at his elbow. They swore together quietly as bloated, snake like monsters broke their way out of the rock, followed closely by wave after wave of dark forms. A roaring began to fill the valley.

“What manner of beasts are those?” whispered Bofur.

“Were-worms,” Ori said from behind them, sounding stunned. “They're were-worms.”

“Did they just dig through-”

“Yes.” Ori elbowed his way forward, leaning out over the ramparts for a better look. Bofur grabbed a hold of the lad's belt, just in case. 

“I thought they were only legends," Ori whispered as he turned back to them, his eyes wide. Looking a lot more awestruck than Bofur thought was appropriate under the circumstances.

“We need to kill those things.” Bofur nodded at Ori until he nodded back. 

"Good lad." Bofur let him go with a pat. “Thorin!" he shouted, just in case his king wasn't paying attention. "We need to kill all those things.”

Thorin didn't respond, looking out towards the western spur, his brow furrowed.

Bofur looked back down to Dain. The supply wagons were being quickly offloaded by the gate. A bustle of activity around them, smiths and builders retrieving armour and weapons from within the bundles of supplies.

Dain was gesturing to his folk and shouting orders and, if Bofur wasn't completely mistaken, which was possible since he wasn't exactly battle hardened, it looked as if the dwarf-lord intended to engage the orcish army now pouring like a torrent into the valley between the mountain and Dale.

Opening his mouth to ask Thorin for orders, Bofur was in time to watch his king turn away and leave the ramparts.

* * *

Vanessa stared out across the valley in shocked disbelief.

A mass of orcs, wargs and what looked like huge bats were pouring out of tunnels bored through the rock by the were-worms. At least that's what she thought Gandalf had called them before he'd moved further along the wall, chivvying men and elves into position.

Even from this distance, which wasn't anywhere near far enough away in her opinion, she could see the thick chains wrapped tightly around the bodies of the were-worms, the beasts straining against the massive trolls holding them in place.

Any route from Dale to Ravenhill would lead right past those tunnels, she thought, trying very hard not to panic. Although first you'd have to get through the ranks of the orcish army.

She looked up at Kili, standing atop the city wall, a borrowed elven bow somehow looking both too large and too delicate in his hand.

Thranduil was shouting commands beside her. He turned to Kili. “What does Dain intend?”

“I think he's going to engage.” Kili sounded a little uncertain. “He is forming up though. I think he will come to our aid.”

“We cannot let them split us. We must join our forces.” Gandalf was back, a hand gripping Thranduil's arm.

“You mean I must.” Thranduil flashed Gandalf an angry look but motioned back to his guards.

Behind them, below in the courtyard, Vanessa could see the elven cavalry already gathering in ranks even as Thranduil's guards sounded the horns again. Turning back to the valley, she stared at the impossible sea of black pouring towards Dale. So many, too many to count.

She looked along the city walls, the many hastily repaired breaches leftover from Smaug's rampage years before. She was no expert but some of it looked a bit shoddy and makeshift to her eyes.

They could have done with Fili down here to show them how to fix walls properly, she thought, suddenly feeling a little hysterical.

She stared out again at the army and then back to the walls, the men and elves strung out along it.

They didn't have enough. Even she could see they didn't have nearly enough. It was hopeless. They would barely slow Azog's army down.

We are completely fucked, she thought. We should have left when there was a chance.

She looked behind her, down the valley and along the river, wondered if the way south was still clear. The orc king maybe wouldn't bother with a few riders.

Kili grabbed her arm, startling her. “Ness, it's time you and Bilbo joined the others.”

She shook her head as he pushed her towards the stunned looking hobbit.

“Go. Now. I need to know you are safe.”

She dug her heels in. Kili stopped pushing and gave her a pleading look, slung his bow quickly across his shoulders and changed tactic. “Please. Ness, please. For me.”

“Don’t leave me.” She took a hold of his hand as he shook his head. “I’ll stay with you. I can fight.”

She meant it too, terrifying as it was. Any idea of heading south gone as soon as she'd looked at him. He wasn’t going to leave, and she wasn’t going without him. But she also wasn’t going to sit with the women and children and wring her hands and wait for news.

Another blast of horns and the gates of Dale creaked and jerked open below them. Kili wrapped his arms around her as the clatter of hundreds of hooves on cobbles filled the air. Vanessa felt his lips brush hers, a gentle whisper of a kiss. He pulled back and ran his fingers along her jaw, eyes thoughtful as he looked at her.

He won't let me stay, she thought, not in a million years. This is a goodbye.

She ran her hands up his chest, sliding her fingertips under the gaps in his mail, finding the warmth of his skin and wishing he was better protected. Running her fingernails along his jaw she weaved her fingers tightly into his hair. He smiled at her as she pressed herself closer to him.

Maybe we can't escape the visions in the mirror, she thought sadly. Maybe it catches us anyway no matter how much we twist and turn and try to outrun it. Maybe, like I said to Gandalf a lifetime ago back in Rivendell, maybe the only difference I can make is to hold him and tell him I love him before he leaves me forever.

So if this is our goodbye, she decided, looking up into his eyes, then we'll do it properly.

They broke apart, breathless.

Kili grinned at her, glanced around quickly. “That was a little bit public, my Ness. I'll come to you soon as this is over. The very moment it's over. It'll be fine, I promise.”

No, she thought, it won't.

She grabbed his hair again and pressed her forehead tightly to his and told him she loved him, and that she had always loved him and that she was really, really sorry for everything. She tried her best not to cry.

He looked a bit worried then and stroked her face, telling her earnestly that he loved her too. Then he kissed her, uncaring of any onlookers. A slow, deep kiss that made her want to weep and beg for more time.

Feeling guilty suddenly for worrying him when he had plenty of other things to worry about she forced herself to smile and told him to be careful and to try his best not to do anything stupid.

He grinned and promised and with a final tight hug Vanessa turned from him and forced herself to walk away, taking Bilbo's hand and following him deeper into the city as elves and men streamed the other direction.

She turned as they passed through the inner wall to see him standing once again balanced on the city ramparts, bow in hand.

* * *

The elven cavalry took to the field with a noise like thunder, pouring from the gates of Dale and streaming out from the elven camp and along the eastern city walls.

With a chilling roar the orc army surged to meet them. Beyond, Kili could see Dain moving quickly to close the gap between dwarves and the oncoming elves. Kili felt a wave of pride and relief rush over him as his remaining doubts vanished. Dain would join them against a common enemy.

He stared at the mountain, willed his uncle to show him a sign. But no answers came from there. The gate remained closed.

Leaning forward Kili looked up toward Ravenhill, he could see movement. Signal flags blowing in the icy wind. Azog.

I should have gone up there instead of waiting for the scouts, he chastised himself, annoyed.

“Come down, Kili.” Gandalf interrupted his thoughts, waving him down from the wall. “They are almost upon us.”

A rumble beneath their feet as the city gates were closed securely and braced again behind the last riders. A mix of men and elves stood silently elbow to elbow along the hastily reinforced city walls, arrows nocked and ready as the hordes approached.

Kili hopped down from the wall onto a piece of masonry by Bard's side, the unfamiliar, too large bow held loosely in his hand. He allowed himself another moment to mourn the loss of his own bow, likely still propped in the corner of their chamber in Erebor. Cursed his complacency in not slinging it over his shoulder as he had led Ness out of the door on their last morning.

And while he was at it he cursed himself further for not thinking to lift a good dwarven bow from the stack in the corner of the ramparts before he had left the mountain. He simply hadn't thought.

Kili sighed heavily and tested the string of the elven bow. It felt strange. He'd just have to make do.

A mix of anticipation and nerves raced through him as he thought of the battle to come, making his heart beat faster. He looked down at his mail shirt, wondered if he should have run back to the camp and put his proper armour back on. There was no time now.

You've faced orcs before, he told himself sternly, and with no armour at all to speak of. You'll be fine. Stop it.

His eyes focused on one of the elven riders, the swift horse racing surefooted and fearlessly toward the orc army and he cursed himself again. This time for not tying Ness and Bilbo to one of the beasts and sending it back to Mirkwood the very moment they arrived in Dale.

He'd heard rumours that elvish horses didn't drop their riders, so it would surely have taken them to the woodelves and safety. He should have promised Thranduil anything, got down on his knees and begged safe passage for them.

Fili was right, he thought sadly, this is war and Ness shouldn't be here. I should have protected her. This is all my fault.

Doubting all his choices and feeling a bit over whelmed he glanced behind at Thranduil, watching him rapidly giving orders, keeping the men steady.

The Elvenking noticed him and nodded slightly, giving him the smallest of smiles. Kili felt his spirits lift a little. The elf looked confident, perhaps all would yet be well.

Eyes front again he watched in the unnerving quiet with the other archers as the orcs drew closer, a huge troll pounding through the ranks, head lowered as he charged the gate. Kili felt confused and disorientated, there were no battle cries. Only silence along the wall and the pounding of thousands of orcish feet running toward them.

When he'd dreamed of his first battle it had never once crossed his mind that he wouldn't be standing shoulder to shoulder with his own kind. Or that Fili wouldn't be at his side. Roaring together at the enemy. He missed the press of a familiar hand on his shoulder, his brother's easy smile sweeping away any doubt. His uncle's solid presence assuring them of victory.

He suddenly felt very small and very alone.

“Bring him down.” Thranduil spoke quietly from behind him. Kili jumped slightly, hoped the Elvenking hadn't noticed as Thranduil continued, “The neck.”

Bard and Kili drew along with the nearest elven archers as Thranduil gave the order to fire. The troll staggered on for several steps before it fell, it’s neck feathered with arrows. Thranduil gave another order and this time all the archers along the walls took aim at the oncoming orcs and wargs. Kili nocked another arrow, sighted and awaited the release command.

They shot as one, a deadly hail of arrows falling amongst the first ranks of the orc army. The fallen buried quickly by their companions in the ranks behind. Kili reached for another arrow automatically, nocked and fired.

* * *

Dwalin strode towards the throne room, Balin at his shoulder.

“What’s your plan, brother?”

Dwalin rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. “You're the wordsmith Balin, not me. But I cannot stand by any longer and watch. I must speak my mind.”

They stopped before the ornate doors, Dwalin took a deep breath and pushed them open.

“Dwalin. Balin.” Thorin leaned back in the throne as they walked toward him.

“Thorin.” Dwalin started, reconsidered his words, threw them all out, started again. “Thorin, we need to help them. They're dying out there. Right in front of our gates and we do nothing.”

Balin stepped in to help him when Thorin didn't respond. “The walls of Dale have been breached. Thorin, the orcs are within the city.”

Dwalin watched for a response as his brother moved closer to Thorin along the walkway.

“Dain is holding the eastern flank with the elves and the elvish riders but-”

“I will not let them take this mountain.” Thorin stood and made to leave.

“Thorin.” Balin spread his hands imploringly, his voice pleading. “They will be slaughtered. They are being slaughtered. They are our kin.”

“Many die in war. Life is cheap. The treasure in this mountain is worth all the blood spilled.” Thorin turned from Balin and pointed at Dwalin. “If we open the gates they will all be upon us. It is a trap. A trap to draw us out and take what is ours.”

“Thorin-”

“Balin. I am your King, you will do as I command. Now leave me.”

Dwalin stepped forward, shaking with anger and unable to stop himself. “What have you become? You are without honour, to sit here and count your gold whilst others die for us. I have followed you-”

“Get out.” Thorin closed the space between them, his face dark and angry. “Get out and do not finish that thought, Dwalin, else I kill you myself. The gate stays closed and that is my final word.”

* * *

Kili blocked a swing from a heavily armoured orc and stepped forward into the gap between them, driving his knife up between armour and helm.

Wrenching the blade back he spun out of range in case the orc didn’t realise that it was dead. Another ran roaring at him down the narrow alleyway. Kili engaged the creature, dropping under it's obvious strike to hamstring it. Kicking it to the ground as it screamed in pain.

“This way!" Bard shouted at his back. “Run.”

No time to waste finishing the crippled orc Kili turned and raced after Bard. The enemy had breached the outer walls some hours ago and the defenders had been forced into a series of desperate running battles in the streets.

He and Bard had found themselves separated from the others when a huge stone fired from a ballista broke through the wall beneath their feet.

Kili had just released an arrow and reached into the almost empty barrel for another as the battlement below them heaved. The stone had dropped away from under his feet and he and the archers from their section had fallen to the courtyard in front of the gate, landing in a painful heap of dust and rubble. As Kili coughed and pulled himself and the elf beside him free he had heard Thranduil call his name.

No sooner had Kili shouted back that they were fine and turned to help Bard than the gate exploded into shards in front of them. A huge troll breaking it’s way through.

Kili had watched in horror as the elf he'd freed only moments before was struck heavily by the troll’s mace and flung aside. The troll swung the mace again and Kili dodged back, throwing his broken bow into the beast’s face and raising his sword to engage it as it snarled at him.

Orcs had poured through the breach in the gate and over the ruined wall. The defenders immediately overrun, losing sight of each other as the black tide swept over them. The orcs pushed between Kili and the troll, who lost interest as soon as he was hidden from view and began attacking closer prey.

As he'd fought desperately Kili spotted Bard on his feet but pinned against the broken stairs. He had carved his way to the bowman, roaring a dwarven battle cry which not only made him feel a lot better but also rallied some of the surviving men and elven archers to his side.

He and Bard had been running and fighting ever since, trying to rejoin with Gandalf and Thranduil. Again and again they had heard the elven horns. Since neither of them knew what the horns signalled, and since they had neither the time or opportunity to ask, they could only assume that the Elvenking at least was still standing.

Kili’s view of the battle had narrowed to the street in front of him.

He had never experienced anything like it. An endless, relentless tide. They had lost their original companions, either fallen or separated. Then joined with others and lost them again.

Somehow he and Bard had managed to stay together. The bowman clumsy and inexperienced but brutal with his longsword, fuelled by panic and adrenaline. Nodding as Kili had shouted to him how best to kill an orc, a warg.

Bard was doing well, much better than Kili had expected, but he lacked muscle memory and instinct. Kili missed the steady presence of his brother at his back.

No-one had ever mentioned the tiredness, he thought, as they careered out through the alleyways and into another wide street. He was sure they hadn't. He supposed that he would have laughed in disbelief if they had. Dwarves didn't tire. They could face down a hoard of orcs and not be tired.

And yet. As he turned and swung his sword with a yell, two handed this time, to incapacitate the orc behind him, Kili could feel the heaviness of fatigue in his arms. The constant fighting starting to take its toll on him. Twice now he'd skidded on cobbles slippery with blood and ichor.

Bard had saved him the second time, blocking the blade destined for his neck as Kili scrambled gratefully to his feet.

Kili had returned the favour shortly after, pulling his last throwing knife, his beloved present, from his boot and burying it in the eye of a warg as it sprang at Bard’s back. Decapitating the orc rider as it leapt from the dying beasts back.

No time to retrieve his knife or even catch their breath as the street had filled again and they ran.

Now that the initial battle rush had faded the doubt was starting to creep in. For every orc they killed it felt like another two took it’s place. The orcs were poorly trained which was a saving grace but Kili knew that it was only a matter of time before a lucky strike incapacitated either him or Bard. The odds were very much against them. They had to find a rallying point, make a stand.

A sudden, hard blow between his shoulder blades threw him forward. Knocked off balance Kili staggered and fell heavily, cursing as his sword skittered away across the cobblestones, reaching automatically for a knife before remembering he had none.

Huge claws clutched at his shoulders, bruising even through his mail, dragging him upright. Leathery wings beating wildly about his head, blinding him.

Yelling for Bard he struggled furiously, kicking and bucking as his feet left the ground. He knew what it was that had him in it's grip.

They had seen the giant bats at work already.

Watched transfixed and open-mouthed in silent horror, their weapons slack in their hands, as the monstrous creatures lifted men and elves high above the city. Imagining that they heard, even over the roar of battle, a final scream abruptly cut off as the unfortunate victim met their death on the valley floor or city streets far below.

Kili felt a beat of fear as the creature began to gain height. Still shouting for Bard he struck out upwards frantically with his fists, his feet striking out at empty air as he twisted in it's grasp.

He must have hit a soft spot for the creature released him briefly. Falling several feet to hit the ground hard with feet, knees and hands.

Scrambling desperately towards his sword he managed to wrap his fingers around the hilt as the bat landed on him, slamming him flat against the stones, pushing the air out of his lungs. Claws raked at his face and back as it tried to get a better grip.

It took off again but awkwardly. One of Kili's feet touched the ground as he tried to strike upwards with sword and fist whilst the beast struggled for purchase, flapping wildly.

As the wings briefly uncovered his face Kili had just time to see the orc in front of him lunge.

Blocking the mercifully clumsy attack, he pushed the orc away before the bat’s wings were across his face again and he could neither see or hear.

The metal reverberated in Kili's hand as somehow, despite him being deafened and blinded, the orc had managed to hit against his sword with the second strike.

A loud screech in his ear and the grip on his shoulders suddenly lessened. Kili felt a surge of hope as both his feet brushed the ground, realising the creature had been injured somehow.

Leaping as best he could and lashing out high with his foot he connected hard with the hapless orc, his sudden movement dislodging the screeching bat further.

Taking a chance as his feet touched the ground again Kili dropped his sword and reached blindly above his head, grabbing a fistful of fur with one hand and a wing with the other. He gathered his strength and pulled hard, tearing the bat away from his back and flinging it forward to the stone.

The orc turned and ran as Kili swept up his sword and roared with a mix of fury and relief. He let it go, reckoning it had probably saved his life, as he stamped hard on the bat. Running it through for good measure. He looked around for Bard. Spotted him trapped against a wall by two further orcs.

Breathing hard and a bit shaken he freed an apologising Bard and they both looked up as they heard the unmistakeable roar of a troll approaching. Exchanging a glance they turned and ran back the way they had came, looking for another route forward.

All they could do was keep moving, keep fighting, looking for a gap. Kili knew Bard was as desperate as he to make it to the inner gate and ensure it still stood firm, protecting the folk sheltering within its walls. Aiming to get there was as good a plan as any under the circumstances. They had shouted the same to anyone they met.

As they ran past another alleyway Bard stopped sharply and pointed, a small party of lakemen were pressed against the outer wall, surrounded. Kili nodded and they both ran to help, launching themselves into the enemy backs. The gate would have to wait a little longer.

* * *

Fili looked up at the quiet scraping. He got to his feet as with the final loud click the door swung open.

“Hello, lad.” Bofur peered around the door, Nori at his side putting away a lock pick. Checking up and down the corridor they both stepped into the room, closing the door behind them.

“Bofur, what's-"

“It's all going badly up there, Fili. We need you. Here.”

Bofur handed Fili his light armour as Nori produced knives, setting them down in a neat line on the bench.

“We couldn’t get to your swords. Probably not a good idea for you to be obviously armed anyway. At least not right away.”

“Bofur. You need to tell the lad what’s going on.” Nori shook his head and began to explain as Fili quickly pulled on his mail. “Right, Fili. Dain arrived this morning. Don't ask questions, just listen. As Dain was bringing his people down to the gate an army of orcs arrived. They tunnelled into the valley down by Dale.”

Nori paused before he continued, “It's bad. They've taken the city, or pretty much. Dain and some of the elves are still on the field, but they're really taking a hiding. So we need you to bring down the gate. We have to get out there and help them.”

Fili sat down on the bench and stared at them as they both looked at him earnestly.

Bofur and Nori exchanged glances.

“Look.” Bofur took over. “I know this is a lot to take in. Dwalin and Balin went to speak with your uncle and they've come back with faces like thunder. We're barricaded in this mountain. Sitting on our hands.”

“The lads want to fight,” said Nori as Bofur nodded enthusiastically. “They'll follow you.”

* * *

A familiar flash of white light illuminated the gable wall of a house further down the alleyway.

Relieved, Kili knocked another of the huge bats out of the air, hacking at it with his sword as it flapped brokenly on the ground. He hurdled over the body of an orc blocking his way and swept up another orcish knife, tucking it into his belt as he ran towards the light.

“Bard. This way!” he shouted. “That’s Gandalf.”

A shout of acknowledgement from Bard behind him and Kili pushed on, running between the final two houses and out a few steps into the wide street beyond, a mass of orcs between them and the gate.

Kili could just see the tip of Gandalf’s hat over the heads, and beyond that the huge, closed and unbroken gate of the inner city. It still held. He could have cried with relief. Unnoticed as yet by the orcs he quickly cast about for a route forward, Bard skidding to a halt beside him and muttering a fervent prayer of thanks.

Too late Kili saw Gandalf lift his staff. He shouted a warning to Bard, raising his arm and beginning to turn away in a futile attempt to protect his eyes. The bright flash of white light blinding him a moment before the shockwave hit.

With a frustrated shout as he lost his grip on his sword again Kili, Bard and the entire mob of orcs ahead of them were flung bodily several metres away from the gate.

Landing heavily on his back Kili's head cracked hard against the cobbles. Feeling a little disorientated he rolled groggily on to one side and forced himself to his feet, finding that being upright really didn't make him feel any better.

The after images from Gandalf's attack flashed in his eyes as he breathed hard, suddenly feeling like he might be sick.

Shaking his head gingerly in an attempt to clear it and offering a hand to Bard Kili heard the roar, managing to fling a knife up in time to mostly deflect an orc scimitar. As he threw himself backward and out of range Bard staggered to his feet, launching himself at the orc with a yell.

Kili touched his forehead as he swayed a little and regained his balance, his fingers coming away wet and sticky.

Coming back to his senses Kili realised he and Bard were in trouble. He took a stance, a knife in each hand, and turned quickly to study the thick circle of jostling orcs, trying to gauge if there was a section they could punch through. 

Over the roaring of the orcs he could hear someone, he thought it might have been Gandalf, shouting his name. And suddenly Thranduil was beside them, the Elvenking a blur of weaponry as he cut a path through the orcs.

Bard took a hold of Kili's arm and they ran, Kili sweeping up his fallen sword as they went, Thranduil following at their backs.

* * *

"Thranduil. We must fall back to the inner walls.”

Kili swept the blood out of his eyes with the heel of his hand before placing it back on the hilt of his sword. An orc roared at him as they gathered beyond the reach of his sword, taunting. There were words in the noise.

Kili listened hard, trying to make out any commands.

Gandalf was trying again. “The outer city is lost, we must regroup. We need time to breathe, Thranduil. You must sound the horns for retreat.”

Kili heard the word he'd been dreading, surprised it had taken this long. He gave himself a moment to think about what he was about to do, made a decision. “My lord." He glanced up at Thranduil beside him. “They're calling for their-”

“Archers!" Bard shouted over his shoulder from his position at the left of the group. “I can see at least three.”

Gandalf stepped back and banged on the gate. “The King!” he shouted as Thranduil nodded to one of his remaining guards. A long note sounded from the horns.

Kili backed toward the gate with the others, running through when Thranduil called his name. He turned with his sword up as Gandalf backed through last, a long black arrow whipping through the closing gap past the wizard and clattering harmlessly across the courtyard as the gates were pushed to a close and barricaded securely. Outside the orcs howled, enraged.

“This will not buy us much time.” Gandalf leaned on his staff. “Kili. Where are you going?

* * *

“This is a terrible plan.” Bofur looked down the gold plated tunnel as Fili tied the rope securely around his waist.

“I'm not usurping my uncle.” Fili threw the end of the rope to Bofur. “You said there were flags up on Ravenhill, so that's where the command centre is.”

“Fili.”

“I can do it, Bofur. I can end it.” Fili moved to the mouth of the tunnel. “Will you tell Thorin, tell him that...” He stopped and thought. “Tell him I never betrayed him, not once, neither in thought or in deed. And that I'm sorry I ever gave him cause to doubt me.”

Bofur braced himself against the tunnel entrance and gave Fili a tight, one-armed hug. “You can tell him yourself when you get back, lad. You be careful. You too, Nori. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to your brothers.”

“You'll think of something.” Nori grinned. “Off you go, Fili, before he starts weeping over us. We'll be back, Bofur, and I for one expect some sort of award or title for this when it's all over. Or at least enough ale to swim in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved writing this chapter. It's a little longer than usual. Hope you enjoy it.


	53. You intend to try for Ravenhill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to Ravenhill.

“Open up!" Kili hammered on the door. “Bilbo! Ness!”

He looked around the deserted square as he waited, listening to the scraping sound of something heavy being dragged from behind the huge, double doors of the town hall. A flicker of movement in an upper storey window of a tall house opposite caught his eye, a large shadow ducking away and out of sight as he turned for a closer look. Kili snorted, he had noticed Othur and his manservant’s not entirely unexpected disappearance from the wall before the battle was joined.

The door cracked open behind him. Looking through the gap and into the darkened hall Kili could see a mass of people crowded in around benches, huddled together for comfort.

“Is it over?” someone called, other voices echoing varieties of the question, hopeful. Pale, worried faces looked out of the darkness, somewhere a child started wailing plaintively.

“Not yet. I’m sorry,” he called in to them as Ness appeared out of the gloom and flung her arms around his neck. He placed a hand on her hair and nodded to the frightened menfolk. “We’re holding them back, be brave. It'll be over-”

She kissed him before he could finish.

He lifted her outside so they didn't have quite such an audience. “My Ness." He breathed her in and smiled at her, holding her close. “Are you being brave?”

“Your face, Kili," she said, once she had finished swearing at him.

She gently touched the cut on his brow, and the scratches where the bat had raked at him. Frowning she pushed his hair back and touched his neck, her fingers coming away bloody. He looked at her fingers curiously, wondering where that was from. 

“You're hurt,” she whispered, paling.

He shook his head and tightened his arms around her waist, kissed her to take the worried look from her face. “Some scratches only, I'm fine.”

She frowned, displeased, and looked into his eyes. “Why are you here? How is it going, really?”

Bilbo joined them, looking shocked, a hand covering his mouth. Kili followed Bilbo's gaze, looked down at himself, realising he was covered in gore.

“I'm fine. Honestly. None of it’s mine. I think. Well, not much of it.” Letting Ness go he carefully wiped his gloved hand on his thigh, it didn't make much difference. He flicked something off his wrist across the cobblestones.

Any wonder that poor child started crying, he thought, smiling grimly to himself.

Realising they were both staring at him he gave himself a shake and remembered her question. “They have the outer city, we're pulling back past the inner walls and regrouping.”

He looked at Ness and took her hand, raised it to his lips and kissed her palm. Searched for the right words and couldn't find any. But she deserved his honesty like he'd always promised. “We've taken heavy losses. I think that there is a chance that we may not see this through. Ness, Bilbo. I’m so sorry. You should both prepare yourselves.”

He watched the emotions flit across her face before she lifted her chin and met his eyes. He smiled at her sadly and leaned forward to rest his lips against her forehead, wishing with all his heart for just a little more time.

“I'm sorry, my Ness,” he whispered, stroking her hair as she shook her head and wound her arms around him. “I had dreamt of a better ending for us.”

Bilbo, his face ashen, stepped away to give them some privacy.

A shout of his name. Sigrid ran out of the hall and threw herself at him, followed closely by Bain and Tilda. Ness let him go and stepped quickly away, swiping at her eyes, so he could hug the children. He smiled down at Tilda wrinkling her nose in distaste, even as she pressed herself tightly against him. He surreptitiously sniffed his undershirt, smelled blood and sweat.

Sigrid broke away as she asked, “Prince Kili, have you seen our Da?”

“Yes. He’s fine.” Kili smiled at them, not bothering to correct her. It probably didn't matter now anyway. He put a hand gently over Sigrid's. "Your Da is very brave. The bravest man I know, and a fierce warrior. None better. Now get back inside where it's safe. Go.”

He caught Bain's arm to hold him back as Sigrid gathered Tilda up and ran back into the hall. Wrapping a hand tightly around the back of the boy's neck he pressed their foreheads together and asked in a low voice, “Do you have any weapons, Bain?”

“No, my lord.”

Kili released him and pulled out one of his last orcish knives. Flipping it end to end he handed it to Bain hilt first. The boy took it, his hand shaking.

Moving closer Kili lowered his voice to speak into the boy's ear, aware Ness and Bilbo would be trying to listen in. “If they get through you don't let them take the children, and you don't let them take the girls. This way is better.”

He pulled back and looked into the boy's frightened eyes. "Bain, do you understand me?”

Bain nodded, swallowing hard.

“Good lad.” Kili smiled and clapped the white faced boy on the shoulder, swiped at the blood he'd left on Bain's face which just made it worse, and pushed him back towards the hall. Ness grabbed the boy as he ran past and reached into a protesting Bilbo's pocket for a handkerchief, spitting on it and cleaning Bain's face roughly before letting him go.

“Send him in covered in blood.” he heard her muttering as she handed the cloth back to Bilbo. “Panic everyone.”

“No, it's fine. You can keep it,” Bilbo said to her, shoving her hand away. He glanced up at the horse tied to the hitching post and met Kili's eyes. "You intend to try for Ravenhill.”

Ness turned to him, her eyes wide.

Kili nodded. “I need to borrow the ring, Bilbo.”

“No.”

Kili narrowed his eyes.

“I'm coming with you.” Bilbo squared his shoulders. “You're not going alone. I'm assuming that was probably the extent of your plan? Well then, you can take me with you and you can have the ring when we get to Ravenhill.”

“I’m coming too.”

They both turned to Ness, she crossed her arms and looked at him steadily.

“No.” said Kili. “Absolutely not.”

* * *

Thorin stared into the darkness of the throne room, locked in a silent battle as he wrestled with his mind.

Even here, high above the great hall, he could feel the siren call of the gold. His blood thrummed in his veins as he resisted the urge to rush down and walk amongst the stacks of treasure. His fingers twitched with longing. He recognised it for what it was now of course, the lightest touch of the gold sickness that had afflicted his grandfather. Just enough to blind him, muddying and twisting his thoughts.

He placed his fingers against the heavy crown on his head and carefully lifted it off, turning it in his hands and looking at it closely before he stood and set it down on the throne.

Decision made he walked towards the gate, the remains of the Company sitting or standing around in the rubble. He counted quickly. One short. “Where is Nori?”

Bofur stepped forward quickly. “Guarding Fili.”

Thorin nodded. He would think more on his nephew, or the shade in the cells that claimed to be his nephew, later. When he had more time. Dain would no doubt be less than impressed that a judgement had not been made and the appropriate action taken but so be it, other matters had taken precedence.

It is not indecision, Thorin reminded himself. The punishment for treason is final and cannot be undone. Such a decision deserved a little more thought and to be made when the blood had cooled somewhat.

He felt a flutter of worry that Fili would be left all alone and unarmed should Azog be triumphant. The worry closely followed by a nightmarish vision that turned his blood to ice. As clear as he could see the stone in front of him, Thorin saw Fili. His young nephew asleep in the quiet darkness of his cell, blissfully unaware of the battle raging outside the mountain. Startled awake, his head lifting as the cell door opened, anticipating his uncle. The light of hope dying in his bright eyes as the spectre of Azog filled the doorway.

He closed his eyes tightly but the vision stayed with him. Fili leaping to his feet, eyes wide. Trapped and cornered by the swarm of orcs as they pushed past Azog, crowding into the room. Taunting and jeering. Fili fighting desperately against overwhelming odds.

They would hold him down against the stone of Erebor, Thorin realised. The one place in all of Middle-earth where he should have been safe. Their rough, cruel hands pawing at him as he struggled futilely against them.

Azog's slow approach. A twisted smile spreading across the cursed face as the orc king decided what best to do with his unexpected prize. Blood and pain. A boy crying out for his uncle to save him as they slowly tore him apart.

“Thorin.”

Thorin's eyes snapped open as Dwalin closed the distance between them.

Dwalin's face was angry as he continued, “I will not hide behind a wall of stone while others fight our battles for us. It is not in my blood.”

Thorin blinked the images of Fili away quickly, his heart hammering. They would be victorious, it would not matter.

He stepped forward and clasped his warmaster and oldest friend by the shoulders, touching their foreheads together. “Nor mine, my faithful friend.” He turned and addressed the Company. “I have no right to ask this of any of you. But, will you follow me, one last time?”

* * *

Sparks flew from the cobblestones at each strike of the warhorse's hooves. The sound echoing and loud in the mercifully still quiet streets of the inner city. Kili could hear the muffled noise of battle coming from beyond the walls.

He looked back over his shoulder along the line of the wall, the defenders strung out along it, firing arrows down into the mob of roaring orcs outside. Ness was staring up at the wall too. She jumped as one of the defenders was struck in the chest by an orcish arrow, falling backward from the high wall with a scream.

“Kili...” She looked up at him, the question written on her face. He shook his head at her, adjusted his grip on the reins. There was no time to stop and help one injured man.

She turned away silently and huddled into Bilbo. The pair of them in front of him on the huge horse. Kili frowned. He'd tied them on but it would be nothing short of a miracle if neither of them fell off before they reached Ravenhill.

If they made it through this in one piece he would strangle them both. The decision made him feel a little better. 

The infuriating hobbit had backed Ness and insisted taking her as part of the trade for the ring. Standing firm even when Kili threatened to turn him upside down, hold him by his curly haired toes and shake the ring out of his pockets.

This is what comes of being good natured. Kili clenched his teeth. The little monster wouldn't have refused Thorin. Now he was stuck with keeping the pair of fools alive. 

He slowed the horse to a walk as they approached the gate, passing a stream of injured men and elves making their way deeper into the inner city. Kili sniffed, smelling acrid smoke drifting over the wall. The orcs must be firing the outer city. 

“Kili.” Bard raised his bow in greeting from his position beside Gandalf atop the walls. Gandalf turned and furrowed his brows as he looked down at them.

“Bard, I lost my bow. Do you have a spare?” Kili stretched out a hand to catch the full quiver Bard lobbed at him, slinging it across his back with a rattle. He caught the long elven bow out of the air but not before it lightly slapped against the horse's flank.

At the touch the warhorse reared, dancing on it's hind legs and pawing the air. Kili adjusted his balance against the movement, bracing Ness as she and the hobbit slid backwards with alarmed cries.

That was a little worrying. The horse touched ground and immediately reared again. Kili hadn’t expected the beast to be easily spooked.

Probably just needs a good run, he told himself, feeling immediately reassured. A bit spirited. That’s likely it.

“Kili!" Gandalf called, sounding annoyed. “That is my horse.”

“And a wonderful beast he is too.” Kili whooped happily as the horse settled back onto all four hooves. He turned the beast in a tight circle and laughed a little at Ness and Bilbo's angry faces as they glared over their shoulders at him.

He decided it wasn't the time to mention that he'd stood and contemplated Thranduil's elk for some long moments before deciding to saddle the horse. He looked around for the Elvenking but couldn't see him.

“I'm just borrowing him for a bit, Gandalf. We're going to try for Ravenhill.”

Gandalf glanced out over the walls, shaking his head as he turned back to face Kili. “You’ll never make it. I can clear a path for you outside this gate but once you are outside my range. Well. And Azog's army is between here and there.”

Kili looked over his shoulder at the approach of heavy hoofbeats from the street behind them. His warhorse beginning to turn as it whinnied happily, recognising its stablemate.

Thranduil nodded in acknowledgement to Kili as the huge elk trotted into the square. “Ready the gate. Gandalf, give us cover.”

Nudging the elk over to the horse, Thranduil raised an eyebrow but made no comment as he noticed Bilbo and Ness. He spoke directly to Kili, “You will need a distraction to clear the way for you, Dwarf.” With a smile he moved the elk ahead of them, unsheathed his sword. “I can be quite distracting.”

Kili inclined his head in genuine gratitude. “Thank you, my lord.” He took a firm grasp of the reins over their shoulders with one hand, cursing under his breath at the awkwardness of it all as he slung his bow across his shoulders and freed his sword. He spoke low to the two fools in front of him, “Hold tight you two. And stay down.”

The elven horns rang out a blast in unison as the gates opened.

Taking a deep breath Kili dug in his heels, kicked the huge warhorse forward hard and followed Thranduil as Gandalf threw the orc pack out of their path in a blaze of blinding white light. As the light faded Kili heard the outraged howls of orcs behind them and the inner gate slamming shut and then they were on their own.

A screaming orc sailed past them as the elk cleared a broad path, sweeping it's great head back and forth as Thranduil swung his sword in counterpoint.

Kili concentrated on staying as close as he dared to the elk's hooves, keeping a watch for archers and bats as they raced through the narrow streets towards the main gate. He could see houses ablaze, the streets and alleyways of Dale full of the shadowy, twisted shapes of orcs.

A final turn and they were through, both animals swerving through the rubble of the main gate and out onto the causeway. Kili heard Ness swearing loudly as their horse bunched it’s muscles and cleared the remains of a troll lying in their path.

Clattering off the causeway they raced beside Thranduil. Horse and elk with necks outstretched in a full gallop towards the main horde.

Kili glanced over his shoulder, back at the city growing smaller behind them. Orcs were streaming out of the broken gate and along the causeway, wargs ahead of them as they gave chase.

Looking to the east he could see elven riders approaching at speed. The fast horses not slowing as they splashed through the river and joined with them, fanning in behind.

He caught Thranduil's eye. The Elvenking nodded once, his face grim, and veered away from Kili’s path.

The bulk of the riders followed Thranduil, and a great cry went up from the field as the beleaguered elves recognised their king.

An equal roar from the orcs as they too recognised the Elvenking. Kili watched as the enemy raced heedlessly as one to engage Thranduil, leaving his own path west relatively clear.

Glancing quickly to his left and right Kili noted that Thranduil had gifted him an elvish escort. The grim faced elf to his immediate right met his eyes and gave him a tight nod.

Kili nodded back, sheathed his sword and pushed the reins into Ness’s hands. Ignoring her swearing and protests as they headed toward what he felt was a thinner section of the orc ranks.

“Straight ahead!” he yelled in her ear as he kicked the horse hard, stood in the stirrups and unslung his bow.

* * *

“Fili, Fili.”

Fili stopped and looked behind him.

Nori stood gasping for breath several steps below, holding out his mace. “Here lad, take this. I’ll catch you up. Be careful.”

Fili nodded his thanks and ran back to accept the offered weapon. He briefly touched Nori’s forehead to his and turned back to continue running up the steep rock steps as a loud crash echoed around the valley.

They both stopped and looked back towards Erebor.

“Thorin," Fili whispered as the remains of Erebor’s huge gate settled across the valley floor. He looked down at Nori, staring open-mouthed at the small figures running out of Erebor far below. The Company running to join the tattered remains of Dain's army. The cheers of the dwarves and elves floated up to them, over the roaring of the orc army.

Fili grasped the older dwarf by the shoulders. “Go to your brothers. Nori, thank you for coming with me. Go to your family.” He pushed the mace back into Nori's unresponsive hands, patted him, turned and ran.

* * *

Vanessa accidentally jerked the reins as the great gate of Erebor exploded outwards at the edge of her vision. The warhorse responded and Kili shouted something at her back, the words lost in the noise of battle. She imagined it was something sweary.

She didn’t need to look behind her to know that he was still standing in the stirrups, the occasional weight of his thighs against her back reminded her, as did the arrows whipping past the horse's head, clearing orcs and wargs from their path.

Vanessa didn’t like to think too hard about what was going to happen to them when the quiver was empty.

“Thorin!” shouted Bilbo, pointing a bit unnecessarily. “Thorin!”

“Will you hold on with both hands please!" she yelled back at him, her heart pounding harder at the thought of Thorin and her Fili leaving the relative safety of the mountain.

She shook away the mirror’s battlefield vision and concentrated on the horse as Kili tapped her and pointed a route curving left, towards the were-worms.

A cry beside them and the elven guard to their right disappeared in a tangle of limbs, his horse hitting the ground hard and screaming as a huge warg tore out it's neck.

Vanessa looked back over her shoulder. The fallen elf rolling to his feet and taking a fighting stance, surrounded by roaring orcs.

“Eyes front, Ness!" Kili shouted in her ear, as her eyes blurred with tears. “Don't look. We have to keep going.”

* * *

Somehow Gandalf had found himself in complete charge of the city defences.

He stood on the inner wall beside Bard, an elven guard with a horn to his right, the gate wide open beneath them as exhausted elves and lakemen retreated to the comparative safety of the inner walls.

Thranduil's decision to take the field had thankfully pulled a great many orcs from the city and given them a much needed respite. Allowing some of the trapped defenders to make it back.

Too few, Gandalf thought as he looked down into the courtyard at the upturned, expectant faces. “Take a moment to rest,” he told them. “Those that can still hold a weapon, I need you to fight on. Archers, to the walls.”

He turned away from them, leaning heavily on his staff. Looked to the skies to west and east. Seeing no help on the rapidly darkening horizon he turned his attention back to the battlefield. Thorin had joined with Dain, leaving the mountain open but as yet Azog made no move to secure it. The dwarves and elves were fighting with a renewed vigour, perhaps it would yet be enough.

As he watched Gandalf allowed himself a moment to worry. He hoped beyond hope that all the orc armies were now in the field, if so they had a slim chance. But if a second army arrived they would be utterly destroyed. It was a certainty.

He shook himself and smiled in what he hoped was a comforting way at Bard. Bard nodded and returned the smile, but it was more of a grimace. Gandalf could only hope that he had done a better job.

He patted Bard on the shoulder.

Despairing would not help anyone. If this was the end, then it was the end. He looked to the south, wondered again if there was a possibility of getting the women and children away. He dismissed the thought. Azog would target any fleeing to safety, that too was a certainty. He looked along the route toward Ravenhill, no longer able to pick out Kili in the seething black mass of orcs. Gandalf sighed a little as his heart sank that bit further toward his boots. It had been but a desperate, fool’s hope.

Although he assumed they had the magic ring, so that might mean either Kili or Bilbo could be safe at least. He wondered again what exactly it was Bilbo had found in the depths of the goblin caves, regretted not making the time for a closer look.

Perhaps it was only a trinket, he thought. Magic rings were less of a novelty once upon a time.

Hooves on cobblestones woke him from his reverie.

“Mithrandir!”

“Prince Legolas.” Gandalf made his way to the steps as the elf and his companion came to a halt inside the gate. “I am very glad to see you. Bard, you have the wall.”

Legolas had already dismounted and was helping his companion from the horse as Gandalf reached the courtyard.

Gandalf embraced him gratefully as Legolas quickly introduced Tauriel, a former Captain of Thranduil's guard. “I must join my father on the field, but I have news that you need to hear. There is a second army on our heels, orcs and wargs from Gundabad. They will be upon us within hours.”

Gandalf felt himself pale.

“We expect them to come over the western spur, by the mountain.” Tauriel added helpfully.

“They will crush us between them then,” Gandalf mused, feeling deflated. He felt he should ask the question, as if it mattered. “How many?”

“Thousands, perhaps as many as ten.” Legolas and Tauriel followed Gandalf back up onto the wall. They stood and looked out over the battlefield.

Gandalf stared at Ravenhill, watched as a flag signal changed and orcs began to move to flank Dain and Thorin. “We need that guard tower," he said, forming a plan. He didn't feel it was very good, but it was a plan nonetheless, and therefore better than nothing. “We need to finish this before the Gundabad army arrive.”

Legolas followed his gaze and glanced down at his horse, before looking out to where his father was carving a swathe through the orc army surrounded by his cavalry. “Fine.” He stood for a moment in thought before turning to Tauriel. “Stay here and help Mithrandir hold the city.” He refilled his quiver from a barrel of arrows beside Bard, nodding to him. “Good to see you, Bard.”

Bard smiled grimly. “And you, Prince Legolas. Prince Kili intended to make for Ravenhill, he left when your father took the field but we have since lost sight of him.”

Legolas nodded and turned back to his horse to find Tauriel already mounted. He huffed out a resigned breath and lifted another handful of arrows.

* * *

Thorin threw his arms around Dain as the Company joined the dwarven army.

“Thorin! I am mighty glad to see you, cousin.”

“And I you.” Thorin looked around, it had been a hard fight getting this far, thankfully with no losses. Numbers didn't usually worry him, he was a dwarf after all, but the reality was that they were vastly outnumbered.

He looked up to Ravenhill and grabbed Ori, who squeaked in a very un-dwarflike manner and spun with mattock raised. Thorin grabbed the young dwarf's wrist before he could bring it down. “Ori. Up on Ravenhill. Look for me, what can you see up there? Your eyes are better than mine.”

“Flags, Thorin," said Ori.

Thorin released him with a pat on the shoulder. “Good lad, you're doing well. Stay close to your brother.” He turned to Dain. “I have need of one of your chariots, cousin.”

Dain nodded. “What's your plan?” He waved down one of the chariots as it turned to head back into the fray.

Thorin nodded toward Ravenhill. “I'll take out the command centre. This rabble will break if their captain is dead, and I have a score to settle.”

“You believe it is Azog?”

“I know it is, he has dogged my footsteps since I left the Shire.” Thorin thought back to Fili's warning that he had dismissed as the fearful imaginings of a frightened dwarfling. Kili's shouted tale of visions and orcs that he had assumed the ravings of a witch, or a wizard's skilful manipulation.

He shook his head to clear it, all wrongs could be set to right later. “I will cut the head off the snake.”

He beckoned to Dwalin. “Dwalin, Balin, Gloin, Oin. With me. We make for Ravenhill.” He swung himself up on to the chariot as the others raced to him. Balin taking the reins.

Bofur stepped forward and opened his mouth.

Thorin held up a hand. “Thank you, Bofur, but no. You stay with your brothers, follow Dain's command.”

I’ll not split any more families, he thought, as with a jolt the chariot set off at speed. Bofur shouting behind them, his words lost in the rattle of iron wheels on stone.


	54. Are you looking for something?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All together again on Ravenhill.

Fili turned and launched his last flash-flame down the tight curve of the stairwell, remembering to cover his ears and screw his eyes tightly shut this time as the stoppered flask bounced off the stone once and exploded. Still it painted the insides of his eyelids white, and the force of the blast within the enclosed space threw him hard into the step above.

There was a beat of silence before the howls of outrage and pain started.

Content that his pursuers were taken care of for the moment Fili regained his feet, shook his head to clear it and hefted the orc scimitar. The now empty pack he ditched as he moved on cautiously, ears still ringing a bit. The element of surprise was well and truly gone but if he was very lucky one of the two flash-flames that he’d lobbed in quick succession through the uppermost break in the tower wall might have done Azog some damage.

The panicked roaring from within the pale orc's lair had given him reason to hope as he dashed across the wasteground at the base of the tower and raced into the fortress, surprising the two orcs guarding the door. Frustratingly there had been no stairwell in the main hall. Flinging open the first likely looking door Fili had stared up into the eyes of an armoured orc as it too reached for the door handle from the other side. More orcs behind rising to their feet and lifting weapons. 

Fili had recovered first. Throwing a flash flame into the chamber and slamming the heavy door closed. Hanging tightly on to the handle he had braced himself against the wall until they quietened, cursing the delay. 

The second door opened into an empty storeroom but the third led him to the stairs and he'd raced up the wide stone steps two at a time as orcs flooded into the main hall behind him, the alarm well and truly raised. 

Progress had slown down considerably since then but, all things considered, Fili felt his plan was going pretty well.

Heavy footsteps on the stairs close behind him again. He turned and waited, blocking the clumsy strike and burying a knife in the orc’s eye. As the orc sagged Fili kicked it down the stairwell, wrenching his knife back. Two more climbed over the tumbling body, one holding a bow. Fili ran.

As he reached the final steps of the stairwell he dropped and rolled, the orc blade intended for his neck sparking off the stones above his head. Back on his feet and facing the stairwell Fili beheaded the orc who had been lying in wait for him in one smooth strike. Kicking the body followed quickly by the head into the path of the orcs following him he spun to engage the remaining guards.

It was a tight space for combat, and the poorly trained orcs were as much a danger to themselves as they were to Fili.

Cursing the noise as the last one fell he picked up a long knife for his belt and turned to face the single door, propping the scimitar in easy reach to one side against the wall.

The wooden door was tightly closed. No noise came from the room beyond. A throwing knife in each hand he took a deep, steadying breath, shook out his shoulders and readied himself.

* * *

Kili slapped the lathered horse to send it on it’s way.

Hissing urgently for the other two to stay close he turned away and ran up the last section of broken road to Ravenhill. With a quick check over his shoulder to make sure they were behind him he veered off the road as they reached the ridge. Carefully picking out a path towards the fortress that would keep them hidden from view.

As they ducked down behind a pile of snow covered rocks and hid themselves as best they could Kili considered their next move. He adjusted the elven bow on his back and stuffed the empty quiver in the space between rocks. Careful to keep out of sight he stared up at the fortress, looking at the large missing section in the tallest tower's upper floor. By his reckoning it would give a clear view of both the battlefield and the signal tower high on the rocky outcrop nearby. Kili guessed that would be where Azog would be located. It matched the mirror vision and it made strategic sense to him.

He felt really quite alone, despite the presence of Bilbo and Ness. If Kili was being honest he would have preferred someone with battle experience at his side. Anyone.

They had lost the last of their elven guard as they passed the last of the were-worm tunnels. Out of arrows Kili had been standing in the stirrups, urging their flagging horse faster. Reins in one hand and sword in the other when the troll had stepped out with a roar directly in front of them.

This had been too much for their terrified horse. Having faced orcs, wargs and the were-worms themselves it had baulked at the new adversary. Kili had almost been thrown between its ears by the change of speed and direction, managing to catch himself just in time. The elven guard had raced past them, leaping from his horse's back and springing onto the troll. Kili had wrestled back control of his own horse as the elf shouted at them to keep going. He had no choice but to obey, kicking his frightened mount onward.

He hoped the elf had made it, but it seemed unlikely.

Kili glanced over his shoulder and watched as the horse disappeared from view down the road, back towards the battle. Perhaps intending to make its way back to Gandalf. A poor choice. He wished the beast good fortune. He scanned the road for signs of pursuit, but for the meantime their luck seemed to be holding. Turning back he frowned as the flags on the signal tower changed. Perhaps he should deal with that first, then Azog. Kili drummed his fingers on the rock as he thought.

“It’s very quiet," Bilbo whispered by his side, handing him the ring. Kili slipped it carefully into his pocket and nodded in agreement as he tugged off his gloves and tucked them in with the quiver, out of sight between the rocks.

Looking up he frowned at a flicker of movement on the road that led to the gateway of the ruined fortress. Quickly he shifted further back into the rocks, held up a hand in an attempt to keep Ness and Bilbo quiet. Which obviously they completely ignored.

“That’s Nori,” Ness whispered, peeping out beside him. “Kili, it’s Nori.” He pushed her back.

“It is. What's Nori doing here?” hissed Bilbo.

Kili glared at him and gestured again for quiet. Adding a few more actions to make sure they understood this time. With a final glare at both of them, Kili peeped out again, watching as Nori slipped forward into the cover of a ruined wall near the base of the tower.

“Wait here,” he mouthed to the other two and climbed out between the rocks, sliding the ring on to his finger and running quietly down the road. Removing the ring as he slid in beside Nori.

Nori jumped a little as he arrived. “Kili, lad. What are you doing here?”

“Up to find Azog. You?”

“Followed your brother.”

“What?” Kili hissed, a little louder than he'd intended. “Fili's here? Where?”

Nori shrugged. Kili looked up at the tower, realised he knew exactly where his brother was. He slipped the ring back out of his pocket.

* * *

Vanessa swore as she watched Kili race out of cover and toward the fortress entrance, whilst behind him Nori looked around frantically. “Bilbo? Any chance Kili has that ring of yours?”

“Yes.” Bilbo looked along the road. “Where's he...oh.”

“Come on, let’s go to Nori. Before he has a stroke.” She clambered out between the rocks and ran as hard as she could up the road, pushing Bilbo ahead of her.

As Bilbo ducked in beside Nori she paused, feeling her skin creep. Something drew her gaze up the familiar tower until it rested on the terrifying figure of Azog standing framed against the dark. Even from far below Vanessa could see his lips curl into a sneer.

“Stay down,” she whispered to the other two, trying not to move her lips. “Azog's seen me.”

“Are you looking for something?” Azog shouted, his voice carrying easily on the wind. “Or perhaps it is someone?”

He disappeared and Vanessa held her breath, frozen in place with fear until he returned, dragging an obviously injured but still struggling Fili behind him by the hair. Dumping Fili to his knees, Azog placed a boot on his back and pushed him hard to the ground. Leering at her as he did so. She stared up, feeling very close to panic.

“Ness?” Bilbo whispered.

“Fili!” she shouted as loud as she could, hoped Kili could hear her. She heard Bilbo gasp and Nori curse quietly. Her voice cracked as she shouted again, “Fili. Azog, please don’t.”

Azog reached down and grasped Fili, lifting him by the back of his mail shirt as if he weighed nothing and pushing him out until he was balanced on tiptoe over the drop. He gave Fili a hard shake, laughed as his boots skidded on the edge and he tipped forward. Vanessa watched in horror as Fili regained his balance and slowly lifted his head to look directly at her. Azog speaking to him as Fili shook his head.

“Where is Oakenshield?” Azog roared down, pointing the bladed arm at her.

Vanessa watched as Azog turned his head and spoke to someone unseen in the room before turning back to her with a twisted smile. Fili mouthing at her to run.

Azog looked down at Fili and laughed. “He’s right, you should.”

“Fuck.” Vanessa looked around frantically. “Can you two think of something? See you later.” She took off in the opposite direction to Nori and Bilbo as two orcs ran out through the fortress entrance and gave chase.

* * *

Vanessa glanced over her shoulder as she ran flat out down the road, the distance between her and the longer legged orcs disappearing rapidly.

Head down and arms pumping she redoubled her efforts, veering off toward a tricky looking rocky outcrop. She hadn't noticed if either orc was carrying a bow but she'd quite enough problems without worrying about that particular one just now.

One thing at a time, she told herself as she tried to will herself faster. Get up there. Then figure out what's next. Knife them maybe. Chop their fingers off.

Reaching the face she launched herself up it climbing as quickly as she could. Not looking down until a clawed hand closed around her ankle and the orc ripped her from the rock. Her scream was cut off abruptly as she hit the ground hard, winded. An orc grabbed at her as she recovered her wits, pulled a knife from her belt and sank it up to the hilt into it's neck.

Yanking the knife free as the dying orc clawed madly at it's throat Vanessa scrambled to her feet, barely managing to make it upright before the second one slammed in to her. They overbalanced, it’s hand locked tight around her knife arm as they hit the ground. She grabbed for a second knife as it anticipated her move, pinning her forearm with a huge clawed hand.

Face to face with the orc she rammed her head as hard as she could into it's nose and struck upwards with her knee. It gave an angry scream but didn't release her as she'd hoped. She fought, twisting in it's grip as it held her to the ground and clicked it's sharp teeth in her face. The pressure on her right wrist increasing until with a sharp pain and an audible crack something gave. Crying out in pain her fingers involuntarily let go off the knife. The orc screeched again, this time in triumph and released her, backhanding her hard enough to blur her vision. She felt it groping at her, throwing her weapons away with a clatter before she was pulled roughly to her feet.

Taking a firm grip on her hair it began to trail her back towards the tower.

* * *

Fili watched in horror and a rising fury as the orcs caught up with Ness, her scream twisting at his heart. Azog roared in triumph and pulled him back from the ledge, hurling him bodily across the room toward the remaining orc guards.

Hitting the floor Fili rolled, managing to get to his feet and lash out hard enough to boot away the first orc who reached for him. He heard Azog laughing loudly as the remaining orcs surrounded him with a little more caution, stepping over the bodies of their fallen companions.

He fought back but with arms bound tightly behind his back he only delayed the inevitable, savage kicks and punches forcing him to the ground. As they dragged him back to his knees by the hair the one he'd managed to knock away slammed a booted foot into his stomach. Fili cursed himself for wasting his strength futilely as he doubled over in pain, his captors hauling him upright again. 

“Where is Oakenshield?” Azog demanded again as Fili coughed and tried to catch his breath. He shook his head and tilted his chin defiantly, awaited another heavy punch from the orc king.

Azog laughed. “No. You will want to be awake for this, Durin whelp. Oakenshield is here somewhere but we have time to make a little sport. Perhaps her screams will bring him out from wherever he is hiding.”

Fili struggled futilely against the orcs holding him, one of them cuffed him hard and he saw stars briefly as they spoke rapidly above his head in Black Speech.

He caught enough to make his blood run cold.

They'd missed one of his knives when they had searched him. He shook his head as if to clear it and sank down in their grip, spreading his knees apart, hoping they would assume he was just feeling faint. The orc holding him shook him hard but too late. Fili had already brushed his fingers along his boot, palming the sharp little blade concealed under one of the heavy buckles.

So now he had a knife. He just needed the rest of a plan. He gritted his teeth, determined that if it came to it he would find a way to cut her throat before they touched her.

As he carefully reversed the little blade and slid it into his bonds a strong hand gripped his chin. Fetid breath on his face and sharp claws digging into his jaw as Azog wrenched his head back painfully. “What are you up to, dwarf?”

Staring at the fresh cut on Azog’s cheek Fili again cursed his bad luck. An inch to the right and things would have been very different.

A snarl of Black Speech and the hard hands of the guards started groping him again. Fili looked Azog steadily in the eye, used a finger to push the blade up fully between his wrists, into the ropes. Hidden again for now. With his hand still tightly wrapped around Fili's jaw Azog sniffed and looked towards the door, partially closed and hanging askew on it’s hinges following Fili's earlier entrance.

Abruptly Azog stood upright. He glared down at Fili for a moment before he snarled and moved. Bound and held as he was Fili could do nothing to avoid or soften the blow. Azog's heavy boot connecting hard enough to knock him completely out of the hands of the guards.

He hit the floor, tasting blood and felt himself losing consciousness as the door burst fully open and the room exploded into chaos. As he fought to keep his eyes from closing he watched one and then another of Azog’s guards fall, wounds appearing as if by some magic. “Ness,” he whispered in realisation, his heart lifting with hope, as the darkness overtook him.

* * *

Vanessa ran up the stairs of the tower behind Nori, wondering at the scorch marks on the walls and the strong smell of smoke in the air as she clambered over the scattered bodies of orcs. Some of them a lot more scattered than others. Her stomach turned as she stepped over something unidentifiable. She raised her arm over her mouth, thought she might be sick.

Please, she thought desperately in case anyone was listening, please let them be alive. I’ll give anything. I'll be good, I promise. I'll never ask for anything again.

Nori held up a hand for them to stop. They stood quietly and waited as he crept silently forward and out of sight. The tower was eerily quiet. Vanessa tightened her grip on the orc blade held awkwardly in her left hand, fairly certain her right wrist was broken. It hurt with every movement, pulsing in time with her heart. Then from above and close by she heard Kili’s voice. She gave a relieved whimper, Bilbo pushing at her from the step below and whispering for her to move. Together they ran up the final turn of the stairs and onto a landing littered with bodies.

Through the broken door directly ahead of them she could see Kili knelt on the floor, Nori standing beside him. Kili looked up and waved them forward, getting to his feet, looking worried. “Ness.” He pulled her into a brief tight hug, releasing her and touching her face, fingers feeling gently into her hair and across her head.

“I’m fine.” Vanessa touched her hair, staring down at Fili lying still at their feet. She felt her blood run cold. She looked back at Kili. “I don't think any of it's mine, honestly.”

Nori and Bilbo had been waiting on either side of the gateway when the orc dragged her back into the fortress. She honestly hadn't realised how much mess an angry dwarf could make with one good swing of a mace.

“Fili?” She sank to her knees beside his crumpled body. Looked up at Kili questioningly.

Kili crouched and touched his brother's shoulder. “He won't wake up. I need to go after Azog but I can't leave him like this.” He looked at her hopefully. “Can you do something?”

“I-"

“Please, Ness, anything. Take whatever you need from me. Please.”

Vanessa opened her mouth, looked into his pleading eyes and decided against wasting time trying to explain again. She leaned closer to Fili, wishing with all her heart for Tauriel or Oin as she brushed his hair out of the way carefully and felt for a pulse, clumsy with her left hand. Relieved to find one, she placed her ear in front of his mouth and waited for inspiration, listening to him breathe softly.

“Did you move him?” she asked Kili as she desperately tried to think what to do next.

“Only a little.” Kili was holding Fili's hand and looking nervous. “They had tied his arms, Ness. I had to move him a bit to cut the ropes.”

Vanessa leaned in again, touched Fili's face gently. I'm completely out of my depth, she thought. I have no idea what I’m doing. “Fili,” she whispered. “Fili. You need to wake up now.”

Kili gasped beside her. She looked up at him, his wide eyes looking back at her. “His fingers moved, Ness. Keep going.”

Vanessa shuffled in closer. “Fili, can you hear me? I need you to open your eyes for me.” She held her breath as his eyelids flickered, turned to Kili with a relieved smile. “I think he’s starting to come round.”

Kili scooted closer as Fili's eyes opened. “Fee,” he whispered in wonder before turning to Vanessa and hugging her fiercely.

“No. I didn't-”

Fili groaned and tried to push himself up. She reached with Kili and they both took a hold of him, steadying him as he groped around the floor behind him, looking for something. “Fili, for goodness sake, give yourself a moment.”

Fili stared at Kili. “What are you doing here?” His head swung so he was looking at her. His face furious. “What,” he growled, “are any of you doing here?”

Kili tutted as he helped Fili to his feet. “Saving you, as it turns out. What were you thinking, brother?”

“How did you do that, lass?” Nori whispered behind her, touching her arm as she stood.

She turned. Bilbo and Nori were both staring at her, very strange expressions on their faces. “No. No. I didn’t. He just came round by himself. I didn't do anything. Stop it. Stop looking at me like that.”

“Ness.” Kili drew her aside, his voice low. “I’m going after Azog. Will you get Fee somewhere safer? He can't stay here.”

“You're not going on your own.” Fili was standing straighter already, although looking at him Vanessa wasn’t convinced that there was any more than sheer bloody mindedness keeping him upright. And Nori, surreptitiously holding his elbow.

Kili put on the ring in response.

She realised this as she watched everyone look around frantically. Fili jumping and staggering as Kili quickly pressed their foreheads together and kissed his brother. Then it was her turn. She shook her head as he quickly closed the gap between them and pressed his lips to hers. Catching his belt one handed she attempted to hold on to him but he just smiled as he easily removed her fingers, turning her hand to place a final, light kiss on her palm. She heard herself whimper his name as he released her and ran.

A glimpse of a snow covered walkway as he flung open a door in the opposite wall, hard enough that it banged off the stone and closed again. They listened, in varying degrees of shock, as his running footsteps faded.

“What the-” Fili looked around and touched his head, shaking it gingerly. "Kili?”

“He did that to me earlier too,” said Nori sympathetically. “A magic ring apparently. Didn't do my heart any good I can tell you. Come on then, let's get going. I'm assuming we're following him?”

* * *

"Oakenshield!”

Thorin held up a hand and crouched, looking over his shoulder towards the others. Dwalin signed back, pointing out a route to keep them under cover.

How does he know I’m here? Thorin thought.

They had abandoned the chariot close to Ravenhill and had been carefully and quietly making their way towards the fortress when they had first heard the orc bellowing. Following the noise and staying out of sight they had tracked him down the frozen river to the lower ruins.

Thorin bitterly regretted their lack of arrows, they had needed every one and more on their wild ride across the battlefield. He would, of course, have preferred to kill Azog honourably but needs must, and an arrow to the base of the orc's skull would have been a great deal more expedient.

Quickly he counted the orcs sheltering in the darkness amongst the ruins. Not a concerning amount, and no archers that he could see, which was cheering. He signed his plan to the others and loosened his sword.

Dwalin touched his shoulder and pointed as Azog roared and swung his mace, attacking the empty air around him.

Thorin stared, incredulous. Had the orc king gone mad?

* * *

Vanessa followed Fili to the doorway. Nori opened it cautiously, peering out before he opened it fully and led the way, running in a crouch along the ramparts to the external stairway at the far side. They watched quietly as he checked the stairs and peeped out over the ramparts in all directions before signalling to them. Bilbo raced across first to join him, holding Sting. The blade glowing faintly.

Fili pushed her in the back, she looked at him and shook her head, miming a ‘No, you go first’ in return. He smiled, moving closer and shoved her out onto the walkway.

The icy wind took her breath away, whipping across the stone. Snow stung her eyes as she ran, keeping low, across to join the others. The black stone of the fortress slippery underfoot and treacherous. Nori waved them down the stairs as Fili joined them. As they ran down the stone steps they looked out across the ridge in both directions, no sign of either orcs or Azog.

“Where is he?” whispered Bilbo as they reached the ground.

They all cast around, searching for footprints in the skiffs of snow as the wind carried a roar of to them. Fili pointed and they ran.

Following the frozen river along the ridge and away from the fortress they raced past the entry road, slid their way across the river and ran on through the dark, tumble down ruins scattered along the opposite bank. Shoulder to shoulder with Fili Vanessa stumbled as he grabbed her arm to slow her, pulling her down behind one of the broken walls.

“Ness?” He looked at her, eyes wide with concern, as she swore and clutched her arm to her chest. “You’re hurt.”

Bilbo and Nori crammed in beside them as Fili took her arm, pushing her other hand away.

“I’m fine.”

Fili pressed gently on her forearm and she hissed. He shook his head, looked her in the eyes. “No. Ness, you're sitting this out.” He released her arm and pointed a finger in her face. “And that's not a request by the way. Just so we're clear.”

“I'm-"

“No. You can barely use a sword with your right. You stay here and you stay down and out of sight.” Discussion ended he turned away to look past the wall. Vanessa glowered at his back and peeped cautiously over the top of their hiding place. Beyond the wall the ground dropped away, a snow and rock covered slope leading gently down to the edge of a frozen lake, in the middle of which stood Azog.

“Kili," she whispered as she watched him climb purposefully from the opposite shoreline down onto the lake, his sword in his hand.

“What?” said Fili. She felt him at her shoulder. 

“Where?” Bilbo peered over the wall beside her. “The ring doesn't work on her,” he hissed at the others in explanation.

“He’s nearly...”

Azog turned and blocked Kili’s strike with a swing of his mace. She watched, confused, as Azog blocked again. Her thoughts skittered wildly, it was as if-

The blood froze in her veins.

“Azog can see him.” She grabbed Fili, shook his arm urgently. “Fili. Azog can see him.”

Fili stood and hefted his orc scimitar. “Nori, Bilbo, with...”

They all stared at Sting, suddenly glowing an urgent bright blue. Fili turned, blocking the sword strike aimed at his neck with his own blade. He kicked the orc back with a grunt. “Go. Now, all of you.”

* * *

“Is that...?" Dwalin tailed off.

Thorin couldn't quite believe it himself as he watched Bilbo and Ness run out through the ruins opposite their hiding place, at the head of an orc pack.

He felt the bitter sting of disappointment.

So it was true after all, he thought sadly. I’d suspected as much of her, but not Bilbo. His mind reeled as he tried to fit it all together. Was Gandalf involved? His heart beat in sudden fear for an unsuspecting Kili.

“We need to help them.” Balin interrupted his thoughts and made to stand.

Thorin pulled him down roughly, shaking his head. He was opening his mouth to attempt to explain the betrayal to the others when an orc leapt from its hiding place amongst the crumbling ruins along the river and swung a sword at the witch.

* * *

Vanessa threw herself to the ground, sliding on the icy rock. Somehow she managed to fling up her knife in time to deflect the scimitar. Bilbo leapt over her taking the orc, and her, by surprise with a vicious attack. She scrambled to her feet and spun around. So many orcs, they were surrounded.

Then Fili was with them and she was at his back, trying desperately not to get him killed, whilst Nori and Bilbo fought beside them.

So she was facing the right direction to see Thorin and the others break cover and race toward them. She shouted his name, overjoyed to see them even as more orcs streamed out from the ruins along the river trying to prevent the two groups joining.

Nori kicked an orc away from her and suddenly she had a clear view of Azog out on the frozen river at the very moment his mace caught Kili in the side, throwing him several feet. She stepped forward as Kili hit the ice and rolled. Watched in silent terror as his foot slid from under him when he tried to get to his feet. A split second as he stumbled and his knee hit the ice and it was too late. Azog was on him.

Her mouth dry Vanessa could only whisper his name as Azog discarded the mace and slammed Kili's head against the ice before lifting him bodily into the air. The world slowed and quietened around her as she watched Azog roar in triumph, a struggling Kili now held high above his head.

Sound rushed back as Azog threw Kili down hard. Vanessa felt sure she heard the impact even over the noise of fighting around her. Her heart twisted painfully as she watched Kili’s sword drop from his fingers, Azog kicking it away hard.

She heard the screaming, not realising it was her until Fili grabbed her by the waist. He shook her to get her attention but she fought him, twisting in his arms. Unable to look away as Azog placed his blade tight against Kili’s neck and a huge boot on his arm. The orc reached down, tearing the knives from Kili's belt and throwing them across the ice with a snarl before he wrenched the ring from Kili's hand.

With a roar Azog lifted a now visible Kili into the air by the throat. Kili kicking futilely against thin air and tearing at the huge hand wrapped around his neck.

“Oakenshield!”

A clash of steel behind her and she turned as Dwalin blocked a blow meant for Fili, standing motionless beside her. His eyes fixed on his brother and his face colourless.

“Fili!” Dwalin shouted. “Defend yourself!"

Fili roared, a wordless scream of grief and fury. She caught at him to try and stop him, her fingers slipping from his mail as he charged for Azog, knocking her aside. Orcs raced to cut him off.

“Oakenshield!” Azog shouted again as he shook Kili. His scarred face triumphant.

Vanessa looked for Thorin. He was standing frozen in place. Balin, Oin and Gloin protecting him as he stared wide eyed and open-mouthed at Kili.

“This one.” Azog slammed Kili into the ice again. "This one dies first.”

A jagged crack split the surface of the lake. Vanessa stepped forward as Azog lifted Kili above his head once more, Kili no longer struggling but instead hanging limply from the orc's huge hand. Behind her she heard Dwalin call her name and felt someone grab her arm. She shook them off.

“Then the brother.” The ice broke this time when Kili crashed into it. Azog laughed as Kili revived, kicking and thrashing against the hand holding him under the water with a renewed, desperate energy.

Pointing his bladed arm at Fili as he carved a path through the pack towards the river Azog snarled, “Bring me his head.”

Something hit Vanessa's back and she overbalanced, landing heavily. The world blazed white briefly as she caught herself on her right hand. Fighting the urge to be sick, pass out or both she scrambled forward and watched in horror as more orcs swamped Fili. Dwalin running to help him.

She looked to the lake as she crawled further forward. Kili had quietened under the water, barely a movement disturbing the surface of the water under Azog's huge hand.

Thorin raced past her with a mighty cry, Balin close behind him, their weapons raised.

Azog smiled in triumph.

She screamed as he pushed Kili away carelessly under the ice without so much as a backward glance and lifted his mace. Vanessa forced herself to her feet and ran.


	55. Don't leave me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Please don't leave me."
> 
> Goodbyes on Ravenhill.

Focused as they were on the dwarves the orcs paid her no mind as she dodged between them and toward the lake, clambering down the rocky bank and sliding out onto the ice. She made sure to keep her distance from Thorin and Balin as they circled a roaring Azog beside the break in the ice. Skirting around them she cast about frantically, calling his name in case he could hear her.

And then she saw him. A slowly drifting shadow ahead of her. Running ahead she stamped on the ice as hard as she could, before dropping to her knees and pounding uselessly with her good hand, then the hilt of her knife. As she frantically hammered at the ice she thought she saw a movement and prayed she had imagined it. Hoped beyond hope that it had been a trick of the light or the current and he was unconscious and unaware.

Vanessa looked over her shoulder toward the break in the ice near Azog's feet. It wasn’t a long swim really, she could jump in and be with him in moments, worry about how to get him out once they got that far.

One problem at a time, she muttered as she dropped into a crouch above him. Placing both hands flat on the ice she whispered that she would be with him soon, orientated herself and started running back.

“Ness!”

Spinning, Vanessa lost her balance, slamming painfully to the ice, narrowly avoiding stabbing herself. She looked towards the far shore where Tauriel stood, sword in hand. Legolas beside her.

“Tauriel.” Vanessa could have wept with relief. She pointed at the ice. “Help me. Kili.” Before she could begin to explain Legolas had lifted what looked like an entire section of wall from the shore and smashed the ice, jumping in feet first and disappearing from view. Vanessa watched as his shadow approached her feet.

She followed his quick moving shadow back to where Tauriel crouched beside the fresh break in the ice. Legolas broke the surface first, pulling Kili's head up and onto his shoulder as he treaded water. Reaching into the water Tauriel grabbed Kili’s arms, Legolas continuing to support his head as she dragged him out over the crumbling edge and onto the solid ice. Vanessa rushed around, collapsing at Tauriel's side with a relieved sob.

Hoisting himself out, icy water pouring from him, Legolas pushed them both aside. He slid his arms under Kili. “Get off the ice, the pair of you,” he commanded as he lifted Kili easily. Vanessa could feel the waves of cold air coming from both of them.

Tauriel stood first, reaching out to take Vanessa's hand. Wordlessly they followed Legolas, Tauriel releasing her hand briefly to help her up the steep bank. Hand in hand again they watched Legolas lay Kili down carefully on the rocky shoreline.

Vanessa's held her breath as Legolas knelt and placed his palm lightly over Kili's mouth and nose. Feeling Tauriel's fingers squeezing hers tightly she allowed herself a little moment to hope before Legolas closed his eyes and bowed his head.

A little sharp intake of breath from Tauriel beside her confirmed what she already knew.

Vanessa blinked hard as she watched Legolas place a hand over his heart and whisper something before he stood and looked directly at her.

“I am sorry.” His eyes widened slightly and he strode past them, drawing his swords. A quick nod at Tauriel as he went. “Look after her.”

Vanessa looked over her shoulder in the direction he had gone, watched as he leapt down the bank and landed lightly on the ice. “They're coming," she whispered to Tauriel, releasing the elf's hand and beginning to draw her own knife as Legolas engaged the first of the orcs running across the ice toward them.

Tauriel shook her head, took a light but firm grip on her arm and drew her away, pushing her down beside Kili. “Legolas will be fine.” Tauriel settled herself down on her knees opposite and looked at her expectantly. “You are needed here.”

Vanessa looked from Tauriel down to Kili. His face was pale but peaceful, looking for all the world like he was asleep. She touched his cheek gently, his skin shockingly cold under her fingertips.

Changing things, she thought sadly. I’ve seen this before. But in the mirror you were lying upon a different stone. Leaning forward she rested her forehead on his chest and wrapped an arm tightly around his waist, her eyes burning, certain her heart was breaking.

“Ness? What are you doing?” Tauriel pulled her upright. “Save him. Do it.”

Vanessa shook her off and put her head back down on his chest, held his cold, heavy fingers in hers as she looked out across the river.

Past Legolas, his twin swords a deadly flurry as he fought with the orcs trying to reach them.

Past Azog as the orc knocked Balin across the ice and swung his mace vigorously at Thorin. Thorin leaping out of the way as Balin rolled to his feet.

Past Oin and Gloin, fighting back to back. The tiny form of Bilbo with them.

Her gaze rested on Fili. Nori and Dwalin with him. The three of them hemmed in by the orcs gathered thick around them. She watched, eyes blurring with tears and unable to make a sound as Fili stumbled and fell to one knee, dragging himself back up to his feet as Nori turned and leapt forward, defending his prince to the last.

All of them heavily outnumbered, slowly being overwhelmed.

She swiped at her eyes with the heel of her free hand. Her vision clearing in time to watch as more orcs strode out between the ruins on the far shore. They looked different. Bigger. Vanessa sat up slowly, her fingers clutching at Kili for comfort. Her heart began to pound painfully in her chest and she was sure the blood turned to ice in her veins.

“Bolg,” she whispered as the tall orc stepped out between the ruins, a huge warg at his back. “No.”

Her teeth rattled. Vanessa lifted a hand to her cheek. “You-”

Tauriel glared back at her, furious and unrepentant. “You will do it. Now.”

With a final glower at Tauriel Vanessa looked down at Kili, pushing strands of wet hair away from his closed eyes. “He’s beyond pain now. Beyond all of this.” Vanessa waved back vaguely at the fighting before placing her fingers to Kili’s neck and waited. Nothing. She lowered her ear to his mouth. Nothing.

Tilting his head back gently she looked up at Tauriel. “This isn’t fair at all. We'd be bringing him back just so they can kill him all over again.”

She took Tauriel's hands and positioned them on his chest. “When I tell you, press down hard. This far, I’ll help you.”

As she breathed into him they both watched his chest closely. Tauriel nodding determinedly as his chest rose and fell. Vanessa placed her good hand on top of Tauriel's, counting and showing her the rhythm. More breaths. Tauriel managing on her own this time, her lips pressed tightly together, her face chalk white.

It felt like they were in their own little world as they worked, the clash of metal and roaring of orcs fading into the background.

Vanessa looked up sadly at Tauriel as she finished yet another set of compressions. Placing a hand gently over the elf's she shook her head, “I think he's-" They both gasped as they felt the smallest of movements under their hands. Vanessa fumbled urgently at his throat and caught the light flutter under her fingertips.

“Kili.” She leaned in close. “Kili, can you hear me?” Tauriel leaned in too, smiling widely with relief as Kili took a breath. His chest rattled.

“That doesn't sound right.” Vanessa looked at Tauriel in confusion. Pushing Tauriel's hands away she grasped Kili’s leg, ready to roll him onto his side when his eyes flew open and he coughed water, tinged pink.

Tauriel looked shocked. “Don't move him. I’ll do what I can.” She closed her eyes and laid her hands on him, whispering as Kili's eyes slid closed again.

A roar issuing from many throats pulled Vanessa to her feet. Azog was down. Thorin swaying beside him and burying his sword deep in the orc's throat. Roaring louder than the rest combined Bolg charged towards the nearest Durin for revenge. Dwalin and Nori ran in step to engage the furious orc but he swept them aside. A great swing of his mace throwing Dwalin several metres to crash into a wall and lie still. Nori hit the ground hard and disappeared from sight under the fresh orcs in Bolg’s wake.

With no recollection of leaving Kili's side or climbing down the bank Vanessa found herself out on the ice, knife in hand and staring across to the opposite shore. Watching with her heart clenching in fear as Fili stood his ground, a notched scimitar in each hand.

Only a shout from Legolas saved her. She threw herself sideways, narrowly dodging a blade. Before the orc could strike again he was at her side, decapitating it and kicking it's body away from them.

Legolas followed her gaze before glancing behind him. “We will go to him. But not until Tauriel is ready. We cannot leave them unprotected.” He pushed Vanessa behind him.

She retreated as Legolas tackled another orc. Distracted as she was watching Fili and Bolg trade blows, the huge warg circling them, she very nearly missed the orc flanking Legolas. Eyes intent on the elven prince it paid her no attention until she buried her knife as far as she could into it's side. Jerking, the dying orc pulled her blade out of her hand as it fell. She looked back at Fili as he dodged another swing from Bolg, the warg lunging at him.

“Ness!”

She looked at Legolas as he pushed away the orc he was dealing with.

“Arm yourself, Ness. Stay behind me.” He nodded at more orcs rushing across the lake toward them. “And pay attention.”

When she was able to look again Thorin and Balin were carving a path through the orcs, making for Fili. She gasped and whispered a warning as the sheer numbers pushed between them, separating Balin from Thorin.

Thorin glanced behind and pushed on, battling his way through the final line to throw himself bodily at Bolg, taking a blow meant for Fili's back whilst Fili was occupied with the warg. As Thorin staggered Bolg took advantage with a second vicious blow from his club. Fili turned from the warg and shouted something lost in the noise as his uncle fell to one knee.

Vanessa screamed out as the warg hit Fili in the back and he disappeared from her sight. She watched as Thorin forced himself to his feet, driving his sword down two handed and leaving himself open. Bolg stepped forward with an angry roar.

The warg's dying scream was drowned out by anguished howls from the scattered Company as Thorin fell.

Bolg laughed triumphantly and stepped back as Fili pushed himself to his feet. A wide circle of jostling, roaring orcs surrounding him as he stood over Thorin's body.

Vanessa stared in horror, her knife held slackly in her fingers. They are going to tear him apart in front of me, she thought. They're going to tear them both apart.

Bolg said something, the Black Speech carried to them on the wind. Fili snarled a reply in Khuzdul, defiant. She gasped a useless warning as an orc broke the circle and slashed at Fili's back. He spun in time to knock the blade away and the orc skipped back, taunting. Trying to lead him away from Thorin's body. Another orc jumped forward from behind him, Fili turning again just in time to block the attack. Once again the attacker slid away out of range. Bolg laughed cruelly, watching and waiting.

Desperately Vanessa looked back towards Kili, hoping he wasn’t awake. She couldn't see his face. Tauriel was rising slowly to her feet, the relieved smile falling from the elf's face and the words fading from her lips as she looked past them, across the river.

Vanessa turned to follow Tauriel's gaze. Her breath catching in her throat as Bolg's tall archers stepped forward through the orcs surrounding Fili. She whimpered as Fili turned in a tight circle with his swords up, trying to keep them all in sight as they nocked arrows and slowly took aim.

She was running, her heart pounding loud in her ears, as a sharp orcish command rang out and Fili batted the first arrow away with a blade. Skirting around Azog's body with her eyes fixed on Fili she staggered with him, skidding on the ice, as the second caught him in the thigh. A heartbeat before the third buried itself deep in his shoulder. Bolg raised a hand as Fili swayed and straightened.

Legolas overtook her as she threw herself up the bank. She followed in his wake up onto the shore. The path he cleared closing between them as he tore his way quickly through the orcs to charge Bolg.

Then Balin was by her side and together they slashed their considerably slower way forward as orcs surged and roared around them. She lost sight of Fili in the tangle of limbs and flashing blades.

A shadow passed overhead and over the noise she heard Bilbo screaming about eagles. She glanced up, narrowly avoiding being spitted, and watched an eagle lift and throw an orc. Bats following the huge bird, tearing at it's tail and wings.

A familiar roar close by and the press of orcs ahead suddenly thinned, some of them breaking and running. Despite everything, Vanessa felt a flicker of hope.

“Beorn!” shouted Balin beside her. “Go, lass, go.” He pushed her onward.

She caught a glimpse of golden hair through the mass of orcs and her heart soared as she saw Fili still on his feet, turning and slashing at the orcs. Staggering but managing to hold them at bay. With Balin somehow keeping her alive they fought their way toward him.

Another blood chilling roar close by and the orcs to her right disappeared, swept away completely by Beorn in his bear form. Suddenly the remaining orcs near them decided to tackle other prey.

I'd forgotten, she thought as she clapped her hands to her ears and looked up at the huge bear roaring deafeningly beside them. I'd forgotten how big and scary he is.

Her mind skittered a little in fright as Beorn turned his impossibly huge head first toward them before he focused on Bolg. He growled ferociously and with intent in the orc's direction.

Realising perhaps that he was the bear's focus Bolg made a final swing at Legolas before he turned and ran, Legolas in close pursuit. Beorn moved to follow.

“Beorn. No!" Vanessa screamed and reached out to stop him, dropping her knife and grabbing fistfuls of fur. He turned his huge head in her direction. No recognition in his huge dark eyes. She had a brief vision of death by very angry bear as she heard Balin suck in a sharp breath behind her.

“Please.” She kept her bad hand fisted in his fur and swept up her knife. She pointed toward Fili, making very sure not to look like she was attempting to threaten the bear. She suspected that wouldn't end well. “Please, Beorn.”

He snarled and moved forward quickly, leaving her holding a handful of hair. Balin pushed her.

Following at Beorn's heels they made it to Fili's side as his legs gave out, one of the scimitars falling to the ground as he leant over the point of the other. Bracing himself with both hands wrapped around the hilt he struggled to push himself back to his feet.

“Fili.” Vanessa dropped her knife and grabbed at him. “Don’t get up, you're safe now.” She looked around frantically, hoping that was true, trusting to Balin to protect them. She glanced at Thorin, lying motionless nearby.

Fili dropped heavily to both knees with a grunt, a white knuckled grip on the sword hilt keeping him from falling further. Vanessa got down to her knees too and placed both hands flat against him to try and support him as he swayed. Taking a hand away she looked at it, covered in bright, fresh blood. She felt herself pale, quickly started to feel over his chest.

“Kili?" he whispered. “Thorin?”

“They're fine.” She lied automatically as her searching fingers found the tear gouged in his mail. She ducked her head to look.

His eyes were unfocused as he nodded. “Look after them for me, Ness. Tell them-”

“No, no.” Vanessa slipped her good hand inside his mail and pressed her palm tightly against the wound. She ducked into the circle of his arms, very aware of the sharp scimitar at her back and pressed her right forearm against his chest, trying to help hold him upright, ignoring the pain in the wrist as she took as much of his weight as she could.

She looked around quickly for Tauriel or Oin, couldn’t see either of them through the orcs. She vaguely registered that Gloin and Nori were fighting near them, helping Balin keep them safe from the retreating orcs.

“No goodbyes, Fili.” She nodded up at him, tried to smile encouragingly. “You're going to be just fine.”

He shook his head slowly, head bowed and hair falling about their faces as he tilted further forward. She struggled to hold him, tried to work out how to lie him down without causing more damage. “I’m ready.” He looked at her steadily. “You have to let me go. Ness. Promise me.”

“No.” She raised herself within the curtain of his hair until her lips brushed his. “Don't leave me. Fili. Please don't leave me. I love you.”

His whispered reply against her skin was lost to the sound of clashing weapons nearby. He breathed in and she closed her eyes, caught the words this time as he exhaled. “My Ness.”

Vanessa stretched out her fingers, managed to brush them against his neck, fingertips just reaching into the hair at the nape of his neck. “I love you,” she whispered as she pressed her lips to his again. Relief flooded through her as she felt him respond, a sweet kiss.

Breaking away slowly, Vanessa stroked his neck and smiled sadly at him. He looked back at her, eyes glazed. Definitely swaying more now, she thought frantically. She kissed him again lightly, looked into his eyes and tried to put as much command into her voice as she could. “Stay with me, Fili. You mustn't leave me.”

She tore her eyes from his with difficulty and looked around. Balin was kneeling by Thorin, his face grim. The orcs had thinned considerably, Legolas back and protecting them.

“Gloin! Legolas!” She called, “Nori!"

Nori glanced over his shoulder.

“We need help. Can you see Tauriel or Oin?”

Fili's head bowed to her shoulder and she felt his full weight start to press down on her. The scimitar clattering to the ground behind them as his arms slid from her shoulders. She tried to break his fall as he collapsed. “Fili. Fili.”

Then Nori was with her, sliding an arm around Fili's waist and supporting his head as between them they laid him down gently on his back, careful of the arrow shafts. Vanessa pressed both hands against the chest wound as best she could, better able now to see the blood welling up between her fingers. Her eyes blurred.

“I'll get the elf,” Nori whispered to her as Fili's eyes slid closed. “Stay with him.”

She nodded as she heard him shout to the others and set off running.

It felt like forever before she heard the rustle of armour approaching. Tauriel knelt slowly and carefully opposite her as Vanessa sniffed, tears rolling down her face.

“Nori is with Kili,” Tauriel said as she gently unwrapped Fili's fingers from around Vanessa's wrist and laid his hand carefully by his side. She placed a bloody hand around the arrow shaft buried in Fili's shoulder.

“Whose blood is that?” Vanessa stared at Tauriel's hand. “Tauriel? What happened? Is Kili alright?”

“I need to take these out, Ness. There's no time to do this carefully. He's going to bleed. I need you to be ready to help me.”

“He's already bleeding,” Vanessa whispered. “But it’s slowing down. I can’t lose him.”

“Be brave, Ness.” Tauriel quickly pulled the first and then the second arrow out and grabbed Vanessa's hands, placing them firmly against each of the wounds as she held her own tightly over Fili's chest and bowed her head.

Vanessa bit back the pain and pressed down as hard as she could through her injured wrist, holding her breath as an obviously injured, she now realised, Tauriel worked. Dimly she was aware of Oin arriving, covered in wounds himself and kneeling briefly by Fili, nodding at her and Tauriel sadly before moving quickly to Thorin.

She jumped when Bilbo touched her shoulder.

He lifted her hands away gently but firmly. “I’ll stay with him now. I won’t leave him, I promise, not for a moment. You need to go to Kili.”

Standing Vanessa turned and collided with Dwalin. “You’re alive.” She grabbed onto his arm as she overbalanced. “I saw him throw you.”

“Takes more than that.” He steadied her and looked down sadly at Fili and Thorin. “Although I owe Bilbo my life I think. Surprising creatures, hobbits.” He looked her in the eye. “I couldn't get to them in time. I failed them all.”

She felt herself well up again and touched his hand. Looking over his shoulder and blinking hard her eyes fell on the signal tower, high on the ridge above.

Dwalin turned to follow her gaze and swore quietly as they watched the flags snapping in the wind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feels like ages since I've written a whole chapter from just one point of view. Just Ness for this one.


	56. Some things in this world are more important than gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle.

This is much better, Vanessa thought as looked down at the sleeping pair.

Bofur at least had agreed with her that it was only upsetting Kili further not to be close enough to touch his brother. And it upset her to watch him desperately try to reach out for Fili across the gap in his brief moments of consciousness.

So they had fixed it and upset the healers instead. The elves had been less than impressed when they'd arrived to find her and Bofur finishing carefully pushing Fili's bed over to Kili's. Vanessa had stood contritely with her head bowed and accepted the lecture whilst Bofur sidled off, disappearing to visit with Ori and Bombur.

She'd stood worrying at a fingernail whilst the healers had thoroughly checked Fili over, unable to stop a sigh of relief when they'd finally nodded to each other and confirmed no further damage done. One of them had touched her arm and smiled kindly as they'd moved on along the beds. And they'd left the boys together, which was all she'd wanted.

Vanessa thought they were a little more content now, but it was hard to tell.

As she stroked her fingers gently through their tangled hair Vanessa looked down the long, torch lit chamber, the beds and pallets set out in neat rows. A mix of elves, dwarves and men. Part of several, large interlinking chambers that had been hastily cleared before being filled with the healing and the dying. The air perfumed with the strong smell of herbs, masking the other, less wholesome, scents in the room. It made her eyes burn.

She ran a finger along the fraying braid at Kili's temple and then along Fili's matching one, gently picking at a stubborn fleck of rust coloured blood that she must have missed. She had spent a long time considering taking their braids out but in the end had decided against it. Fili moaned a little in his sleep and her heart wrenched. She started stroking their hair again, it seemed to comfort them.

Someone cried out pitifully from further down the chamber. Vanessa looked up as one of the healers hurried across to the man. Kili stirred slightly at the noise and she leaned down and pressed her lips to his head lightly, hushing him. He settled back into his drugged dreams.

“I’ll stay with them awhile.”

Vanessa looked up at Thorin standing at the foot of the beds, wondered vaguely how long he'd been standing there.

“Go,” he said. “Get some rest.”

She nodded and looked around, recognising a command when she heard one. “I’ll get you a chair.”

“I'm not an invalid, Vanessa.” Thorin smiled slightly. “I am capable of fetching my own chair if I need one.”

Vanessa looked doubtfully at the dressing on his head, it had taken Thorin several long days to come round after the battle. The healers had been uncertain if he would recover, or if he would be the same if he did. Even here, in the tightly closeted and hushed world of the gravely ill there had been whispers of choosing a regent and the line of succession. She had heard talk in dark passageways of the escalating friction between Thranduil and Dain, whilst Thorin had slept on, suspended somewhere between life and death.

Suspicions had abounded around Thranduil's decision to send his faster riders back to Mirkwood. The angry whispers persisting even after the riders returned having emptied the woodland realm of elven healers and wagon loads of much needed supplies.

The escort of heavily armed elves had not helped relations.

In her brief trips away from the healing quarters even Vanessa, distracted as she knew she was, could feel the increasing tension. She hoped it would dissipate now Thorin was back on his feet and decidedly not dead or impaired.

“Vanessa.” Thorin interrupted her wandering thoughts. “Go. And do not come back before the dawn.” He laughed quietly. “Your scowl does not frighten me, witch. Eat, rest and return. I swear to you that I will send a message if anything changes.”

She smoothed her face, unaware she'd been scowling. Leaning down she kissed them both and whispered promises that she'd be back soon.

A touch on her elbow and she jumped to find Thorin beside her. He pushed her firmly in the direction of the door.

* * *

Vanessa left the chamber and slipped back into the adjoining one through another archway, keeping out of Thorin's eyeline.

Not that he would look.

Erebor could be on fire and he wouldn't notice unless it encroached on the beds in front of him.

She made her way quietly across the chamber, stopping by a bed to rest a hand on Bard's shoulder. He smiled up at her.

“I’ve been evicted, Bard. Do you want me to take the girls to my room?” She looked down at Tilda curled up on Bard's knee, a thumb tucked in her mouth. Sigrid asleep by Bain’s bed, hunched forward with her head on the covers by his knee. “Or I can come back in a bit and you can all go? I can get a fire going for you, it'll be nice and warm. You look exhausted.”

Bard looked at Bain and nodded. “If you wouldn't mind. There's more meetings tomorrow. Things are...difficult. I could do with an hours rest.”

She nodded. “I’ve a few more quick visits I'd like to make and then I’ll grab a bowl of something and come back. Is he any better?” Vanessa said the last in a whisper as she looked at the swath of bandages wrapped tightly across the boy’s chest.

Gandalf had told her of the final desperate hours in Dale. The arrival of Bolg’s army that had redoubled the assault on the exhausted defenders. A mighty horde of huge, fresh orcs and their fearsome wargs sweeping through the city, breaking through the inner walls and into the streets. The fighting had been fierce and bloody and relentless.

Hearing the battle outside the hall where they were sheltering Bain had taken charge, rallied the terrified people and leading those willing to fight. He and the others had bravely armed themselves as best they could and defended the hall with their bodies, taking heavy casualties.

A warg had taken Bain out of the fight. Rushing up the steps and pouncing on the boy as he stood side by side with Sigrid in front of the doors. Sigrid's bravery had saved her little brother's life, burying Bain's dropped knife in the warg's eye and dragging her brother back into the hall. Returning to the battle herself and surviving, somehow, with relatively minor injuries.

Only Thranduil's return to the overrun city, the Elvenking's presence again pulling the attention of the hordes towards him, had prevented a full massacre. The arrival of the eagles had tipped the balance a little but it still hadn't been enough to turn the tide. Gandalf had confessed in a whisper to her that had the orcs not sounded a retreat, and had the well disciplined Gundabad orcs not responded quickly to their captains, then he felt things would have gone very badly indeed.

Even so it had taken many hours and many more losses before the orcs were chased fully from the city streets. The trolls in particular had not understood the order and did a lot of damage before they were finally subdued.

Vanessa remembered hearing the horns. High above the battlefield she and Dwalin had stopped and stared at each other in horror as the first blast echoed across the valley. The signal tower leaning at an awkward angle above their heads, it's flags ablaze.

With a shaking hand she had returned Dwalin's axe, not that she’d been much use with it one handed. Gathering up his tinderbox for him they had made their way across the ridgeline and nervously looked out over the valley. Falling to her knees in exhausted relief she had bowed her head as Dwalin whispered that it was a retreat and not Bolg calling a final assault.

She had cried, Dwalin had pretended not to. And then together they had limped back down towards the lower ruins.

“Sorry, Bard?” She realised that he had been talking.

“I was saying he’s much the same, but that’s good. No worse is a good thing.” Bard patted her hand that was still resting on his shoulder.

She nodded to him and he smiled in tired understanding. Apologising and promising she’d be back soon she made her way along the beds. One of the elven healers lifted a hand in acknowledgement to her as she passed.

They had needed all available hands for the first few days and someone, she wasn't sure who she needed to blame for it, had claimed she was some sort of healer. All Vanessa had wanted to do was be with her boys and watch them breathe. Instead she had wrapped wounds, splinted limbs and held hands. Tried to comfort the broken and the dying.

She now knew ‘mother’ in too many languages. Even thinking about it made her heart twist painfully.

She tried not to think about it.

Tauriel had pulled her aside that frantic first night as Vanessa had rushed past her bed. Strong fingers wrapping around her arm to hold her in place whilst she reminded Vanessa in a low, insistent voice to use no witchcraft. Repeating herself to be heard over the noise of the chamber. The elf still looked a little frightened and shaken each time their eyes met.

Later Oin had dragged her into a dark corner and given her the same stern warning. Vanessa wasn’t completely sure but she thought he’d threatened her. But he was run ragged too so she felt it was understandable.

The healers were grateful to her though for her help, and had mercifully low expectations about her abilities.

Unlike the Elvenking.

Thranduil had been a reassuring and constant presence during the first long days and nights. Seemingly needing no rest he had visited bedsides and held hands, any hands that needed holding. Elf, man or dwarf, it had made no difference to him. Giving orders in hushed whispers from the passageways outside the healing chambers so he didn't have to leave for a moment longer than necessary. They had butted heads at first in the initial chaos of the wards. He had dragged her about by her good arm, demanding she perform miracles, wherever he had got that idea from. It had taken a second fraught and angry hissed conversation out in the passageway, where she had stamped her foot and cried exhausted tears, before he had seemed to accept that she was both useless and doing her best and left her be.

More than once she had found him keeping a watch over her boys when she'd raced to their bedside, having snatched a moment to herself. For that alone she was immensely grateful to him.

Her wrist twinged and she rubbed it absentmindedly, easing a finger under the tight strapping to scratch at the skin.

“Lass.” Bofur levered himself up as she approached and fetched her a chair, giving her a warm hug. Held tightly to him she felt the tears threaten and pulled away, patting his back and fixing a smile on her face.

“I can't stay long, I'm going to give Bard a break in a bit. How are they?” She sat beside Bofur and took his hand, reaching over to give Nori a one armed hug.

Not one of the Company had come out of the battle unscathed. New scars, bruises and a variety of broken bones mainly but Ori and Bombur were in a serious condition. Ori had been impaled on a troll spear as he defended a fallen Dori. Dain himself had come to their aid, sacrificing a war chariot to knock the troll from it’s feet. And Bombur had been amongst the devastating charge on the were-worms. He was lucky to be alive, many of the others in the brave group were not.

Both his and Ori's injuries would be life changing, Vanessa knew. But they were alive which was the main thing. The only thing that mattered really when it came down to it.

The Company repeated that often to each other.

Bofur nodded. “A little better, perhaps. Bombur woke earlier absolutely starving hungry so that’s good, I think. And Ori managed a little soup today too. So that was cheering wasn't it, Nori? A very good sign I think.”

Nori nodded slowly, stroking Ori's hand gently as his little brother slept. He looked exhausted. Vanessa reached out and squeezed his shoulder. She had found him in the passageway outside the healing chambers one dark night, the heels of his hands rammed into his eyes. She'd been coming out to do something similar. She had hugged him as hard as she could and told him she was sorry. No matter how badly they'd needed him on Ravenhill, and they had needed him badly, it would never make turning away from his brothers to follow Fili hurt any less.

He made her swear never to breathe a word to Fili and she had promised she wouldn't.

Visiting the quiet, dark kitchen she helped herself to a bowl of cooled pottage and a chunk of bread and made her way out to the ramparts, needing to feel air on her skin.

Nodding to the unfamiliar dwarven guards she took herself to an empty corner. The smell from the pyres was stronger out here.

She looked down at her bowl sadly, her appetite lost.

“May I join you?” Bilbo startled her as he settled himself down. He patted his pockets for a bit and produced his pipe. “I'm sorry I didn't visit today, Ness. I was helping out on the field. Grim work all round. How are they?”

“Much the same. Kili woke up a little today.” She dipped a chunk of bread and forced it in, it tasted like ash. Everything tasted like ash.

She looked at Bilbo's pipe as she chewed. Maybe I should take up smoking again, she thought. If there was ever a time for it it's now. She realised Bilbo was waiting for her to speak again and swallowed, half choking herself.

“They put him straight back under again, he was too upset and hurting himself. He's in so much pain.” Her voice cracked as she remembered the healers forcing Kili back down onto the bed whilst he screamed in agony and fought them. She rubbed at her nose as it prickled, “I don’t think he even realised I was there.”

“They need to have a chance to heal, Ness.” Bilbo patted her hand. “You do know Gandalf has persuaded Thorin to send for Lord Elrond? A raven has been sent. Elrond will come, they all need to hold on just a little bit longer.”

Vanessa blinked away sudden tears, probably the smoke in her eyes she told herself as she forced another mouthful in, struggling to swallow around the lump in her throat.

“Ness.” Bilbo picked at a thread on his sleeve. “Before the battle. Kili asked me to promise that if something were to happen to him that I would take you back to the Shire with me. Keep you safe. I just wanted to let you know that still stands.”

She nodded, unable to speak.

“So I’ll stay and help, until we know. For as long as it takes. I'll not leave without you. I’m sure he'll be fine. I'm sure they'll both be fine. But I didn't want you to think that if the worst should happen that there wouldn't be a place for you.” He reached out and touched her fingers, smiled at her kindly. “I know we've had our words in the past. But I'm still your friend. Kili didn't need to make me promise, I would have done it anyway. I'll look after you.”

Nodding her thanks Vanessa handed him her bowl and fled.

* * *

Thorin ran his finger along the braid at Kili's temple and smiled sadly. He needed to send a raven to Dis. He’d put it off long enough, hoping that he would have better news but the days passed by so quickly and the healers faces were still grim. The longer he left it the angrier his sister was going to be, and rightly so, but every time he tried he just couldn’t bring himself to write the words.

He shuffled the chair a little closer to their beds and leaned his aching head in his hands. She would never forgive him for this. Dis would never understand how things had gone so badly wrong. There were times when, even as he stood in the Great Hall surrounded by his immense wealth, Thorin felt the cost of victory may have been too high. Gandalf had spoken at length in their meetings of sacrifice and the greater good and they all nodded along in agreement. But Thorin wasn't entirely convinced even the wizard believed it.

Perhaps in time. When the bodies were burned and buried, and the world had been washed clean by the rain it would be easier to look over the ramparts and say it had all been worth the grief. To do otherwise was unthinkable, to do otherwise would only cheapen the lives lost.

"I will restore Erebor," Thorin whispered to his nephews, "and it will be the greatest of all the dwarven kingdoms. The greatest kingdom in all of Middle-earth. This I swear to you. I swear that I will not waste a drop of the precious blood that you have willingly spilt for me." He pressed a kiss to Fili's head, then Kili's, and waited hopefully for a response.

He sighed heavily when they remained still, their breathing even. Gandalf had talked him into inviting yet more elves into his mountain. Thorin's head throbbed anew at the thought of the argument that Dain would put up when he finally told him.

Not that it mattered, the raven was long gone. Well beyond Dain's reach, not that he would dare. Thorin was undisputed King, the Arkenstone safely in his possession. Dain could rant as much as he wished, the meetings were a courtesy only. Gandalf had assured Thorin that Elrond would come, and quickly too. Oin had been a fierce advocate and Thorin to their, and his own, surprise had agreed with them. Too many lay near death, it would be stiff necked to refuse any aid offered, elvish or not.

He had cursed himself for the delay. For not thinking of the elvish magic the moment that he awoke, disorientated and in pain, staring into the concerned, wide eyes of his disgraced burglar.

His first coherent thought had been of his nephews, grasping weakly at Bilbo's hand and demanding the hobbit tell him everything. Wondering who the quavering, aged voice belonged to until he realised it was his own. Bilbo had been forced to repeat that both Fili and Kili were alive, even so Thorin had refused to believe it. Shamefully Thorin recalled how he had clutched at the hobbit, accusing him of lying as Bilbo protested. Refusing to be satisfied until Dwalin and Beorn had half carried him, barely dressed, to his nephews bedsides.

It was nothing short of a miracle that they lived, Thorin thought.

In his last memory of Fili before he had succumbed to defeated unconsciousness his bloodied nephew had been dragging himself out from under the body of a warg.

And Thorin recalled well how he had spun away from one of Azog's fearsome attacks only to stumble as his eyes fell on the elves pulling Kili, limp and lifeless, from his cold tomb under the ice.

Yet, beyond all hope, here they were. Far from well and not yet out of danger, and with no guarantee of a full recovery. But warm and alive and that was so much more than he had expected.

Thorin wasn't sure who he had to thank. He strongly suspected witchcraft of some sort had been involved but he was no longer sure that he cared.

He ran his fingers along Kili's jaw, from his chin to his ear. The unfamiliar feeling of his nephew's growing beard under his fingertips unsettling him a little. He would help them shave when they woke up, he decided as he looked at the scruff on Fili's face.

If they wanted him to.

He smiled fondly, thinking back to helping an upset Kili when he was not that much more than a dwarfling. The lad sitting bare chested in front of him as Thorin took the place that rightly should have belonged to the boy's father. Showing him how to hold the blade against his skin whilst Kili pouted and Dis stood in the doorway behind, covering a smile.

They had tried everything they could think of before he and Dis had finally accepted that for Kili to become the talented archer they knew he could be, the beard that he was so very proud of would have to go. Kili had taken longer to give in, determined to put up with rugging himself every single time he took a shot. Certain that there must be a combination of braids and oil they hadn't yet tried.

In the end Fili had shaved his first, almost cutting his own throat in the process, tired of watching his stubborn brother fight against the inevitable.

They had passed it off as solidarity for their uncle, Thorin having vowed to not grow his beard until Erebor had been reclaimed.

Thorin scratched his own bristles and brushed a stray hair from Fili's cheek as he looked down the chamber, unseeing as he thought back to contented days in far away mountains. Although he wasn't entirely sure if at the time he had ever been truly content. Marking time until he could come home, perhaps. Planning for the future and dwelling in the past. He sighed again.

“Should they live you would be cruel to separate them.” Thranduil interrupted his thoughts, looking down at him from the opposite end of the bed. “Again, I mean.”

“I do not remember asking for your opinion.” Thorin looked away, dismissing the Elvenking.

Thranduil smiled, unperturbed, and drew up a chair, settling himself down. “You live such brief lives. Barely a moment. Too short for bearing grudges.”

“If this is about your gems...” Thorin reminded himself to check the treasure. The Company, the only dwarves he could truly trust, were guarding the hoard, the entrances to the Great Hall secured at all times. He would have to arrange to move it to a more secure location, he decided. There were too many watchful, lust filled eyes within Erebor.

He needed to make it safe. They would not take it from him.

Thranduil rolled his eyes. “It is not. Although I have paid for them in blood, many times over. You owe me a great debt, Thorin Oakenshield, one that can never be repaid. Not if you were to hand me every trinket and scrap of gold buried within this mountain.” He stretched out in the chair, crossed his long legs. “No. I'm merely offering advice. As one father to another, so to speak. Some things in this world are more important than gold. Or pride. The witch is no threat to your mountain. There's no power there. She's manipulative and can bend others to her will, but I’ve met worse. And so have you.”

Thorin glared at him. “Again. I did not ask for either your opinion or your advice in my affairs.”

“It was freely given, I meant no harm.” Thranduil looked at him consideringly. “We are neighbours. Our people have bled together for a common cause. We should be friends, and friends offer advice to each other.

“Think on it. Ah, here is my former Captain of the Guard come to pay your nephews another visit.” Thranduil beckoned to Tauriel, who had spun on her heel and was attempting to leave without being spotted.

“My Lords,” she bowed to them both, “I was just... I thought I might...”

Thranduil stood and indicated his chair, “Sit, Tauriel.”

She hurried over and sat obediently.

“I must visit with my people.” He glanced down at the princes and inclined his head to Thorin before moving off down the line of beds.

Thorin watched Thranduil go with narrowed eyes. Once the Elvenking drifted into the next chamber he turned to study the elfmaid beside him, still sitting rigid with hands clasped tight in her lap and head bowed. Her back ramrod straight despite the comfortable chair. “Tauriel.” He began. “We have never been properly introduced, yet I believe I owe you much.”

She glanced up at him, the briefest flicker of eye contact before dropping her eyes back to her boots. “There is nothing owed, my lord.”

He smiled at her kindly. This was an elf he could tolerate.

Dwalin had told him how he had heard the elfmaid's cries from across the lake. How, bleeding and surrounded, she had stood on the furthest shore bravely defending his Kili against Gundabad orcs determined to take one Durin prize. Badly injured himself Dwalin had fought to reach them, but it was only Beorn’s swift and brutal intervention that saved both her and his youngest nephew from further harm.

Nori had told Thorin how he had left Fili with the distraught witch and rushed to the elf's side, knowing the prince was grievously wounded and that Oin's skill alone would not be enough. He had told Thorin that the elf had not hesitated for even a moment, swaying from knees to unsteady feet and staggering seemingly unarmed across the river to his nephew's side. Giving more of her failing strength so his heir might live.

He watched her now as she stole a quick look under Kili's bed. At the witch's shadows swirling slowly, barely distinguishable against the darkness until a movement caught the eye.

It had given him a jolt the first time he'd noticed them, the witch had attempted to reassure him that they were harmless but they still made him shiver.

He shifted his boots back from the bed a little.

He smiled at the elf, feeling that he should at least make an effort at conversation. “She persists in claiming that she is not a witch, yet these unnatural spirits follow her around. Have you ever seen anything like it?”

“I should go.” Tauriel stood, skittish. Bowing to him as he inclined his head she hurried away.

An odd creature, Thorin thought as he watched her leave the chamber before turning his attention back to his boys.

Gently he stroked his fingers through their hair and settled down into his chair again to watch them sleep.


	57. I’ve missed you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Healing.

“Learning your letters, my Ness?”

She jumped, the piece of charcoal skidding across the parchment. Raising her eyes she stared into his. "Hello, my Kili. You’re awake.”

And lucid, she thought.

“I think so.” he smiled and tried to raise himself on an arm, frowning when he was unable to do so.

Vanessa stood, the writing materials sliding unheeded from her lap. She shook her head at him, waving to get one of the healers attention. “Don't move just yet.” She gently placed her hands on his shoulders and smiled with relief as he let her hold him down. “It’s good to hear your voice. I’ve missed you.”

“What happened? I don't...Fee?” He tried to turn his head and she placed a hand on his face to hold him steady, hushing him.

“Don’t move. Fili's right beside you, his hand is all tangled up in your hair.” She smiled down at him. “But he’s asleep so you need to stay quiet and let him rest.”

Vanessa waved again frantically as he stared quietly up at her. An acknowledgment this time from one of the healers. "You were badly hurt, we need to be really careful.”

* * *

“Will I take your braids out?” Vanessa ran the washcloth up his arm, stroking gently at a stubborn mark on the delicate skin inside his elbow before realising it was another fresh bruise.

That'll be the elves holding him down, she thought sadly. “I can leave them in if you like, it’s not a problem. I think they'd stay in anyway now even without the ties, they're a bit matted. But no matter what you’re getting your hair washed. All of it. It'll make you feel better.”

Kili leaned back carefully against the tub, watching her. “Thank you, Ness.”

She looked up, smiled. “That’s not an answer.”

He caught her fingers. “For watching over me, watching over us. Bard told me you have barely left our bedside. Oh no, don't get upset.”

Vanessa dropped her eyes as he pulled her closer and wrapped a wet arm around her, warm water running down her neck. She heard the quiet hiss as he tightened his arm.

“Careful," she said as he kissed her cheek, the unfamiliar beard strange against her skin. “I'm so sorry I left you when it mattered the most. If it hadn’t been for Tauriel...I'll never forgive myself.”

He hushed her and touched his lips to hers. “You have nothing to apologise for, and there's nothing to forgive. My brave Ness. Smile for me. I'm glad you were with Fee. I am. He needed you. Now, braids out I think.”

* * *

Through the archway they watched Elrond and Gandalf as they stood over Fili's bed, heads together in discussion. Kili swore under his breath.

“Come on,” Vanessa whispered as she took his fingers lightly in hers, quickly glancing down the passageway behind them to make sure they were alone. It was still a risk, but here with the predominately elven healers she didn’t feel quite the same need to hide. “Lord Elrond will want to have a look at you.”

Elrond smiled as Kili slowly approached him. “Prince Kili. I am very glad to see you up and about.”

Automatically Kili made to bow.

Too late Vanessa held a hand out to stop him and frowned at his white face and strained voice as he straightened.

“Thank you, Lord Elrond. How is Fee? Fili.”

Gandalf patted the bed and Kili obediently moved forward and sat down, allowing Elrond to help him slowly ease his shirt off. One of the healers joined them with fresh bindings. Vanessa met Kili’s eyes and smiled encouragingly at him as he looked back at her sadly over Elrond's shoulder.

Alive, she reminded herself as Elrond examined him, running his hands over the myriad of bruises covering his chest and back. That was the thing, she thought. All three of them alive. Nothing else mattered.

She'd missed something.

She moved closer. Gandalf smiled at her kindly.

“Don't put me back to sleep,” Kili was saying, a pleading note in his voice. He looked between them all. “I'm fine, honestly. Please. Lord Elrond. I feel fine. Tell them, Ness.”

Elrond nodded at the healer and Vanessa watched Kili’s face fall.

“Just another few days. You're doing really well.” He started to wind the new bindings tightly over Kili’s shoulder and chest.

Kili bowed his head in defeated acceptance.

A big improvement, Vanessa thought, from those first days and weeks when he'd woken, in pain and disorientated, shouting for her and for Fili not realising they were both beside him. Calling for his mother. Screaming as he twisted and fought against the gentle hands of the healers.

Vanessa had stood and wept bitterly in the passageway after the healers had made the decision to tie him to the bed. The lesser of two evils, they'd explained to her. Better that he woke restrained and became upset than attempt again to climb out of bed and have yet another fall. 

It had been Thorin who comforted her, awkwardly patting at her shoulder before dragging her into his chest with a sigh. Rubbing circles on her back until she cried herself out. They'd returned to Kili's bedside in time to watch him fall back asleep, the powerful sleeping draught the healers forced down his throat taking effect.

Neither she or Thorin had been able to persuade Kili to take any of his medication willingly and more than once they or the healers, sometimes all of them, had ended up wearing the draught before they'd all given up on attempting to cajole Kili into cooperating.

The difference between the brothers couldn't have been more marked. 

Vanessa looked across at Fili's sleeping form, one bare arm above the covers. His fingers reaching toward his brother's bed. Fili barely stirred, and when they did manage to coax his eyes open he had little interest in staying awake. Content to take pain relief and a sleeping draught and return to his rest. He hadn't spoken a word since the battle, his eyes dull and glazed.

Vanessa was worried. Everyone was worried. No-one had told Kili.

The healer returned with the draught. Downcast, Kili emptied the mug and handed it back with a heavy sigh. Elrond finished the bindings and smiled at him kindly. “I know. Just let yourself rest.”

The draught did it’s work quickly. Elrond stepped back and Vanessa took his place, helping Kili lie down and get settled. Holding one hand to his chest and guiding his other to Fili so he could grasp at his brother's fingers. Whispering to him and stroking his hair as he looked up at her with wide, frightened eyes that gradually glazed and closed.

She waited until he stopped instinctively fighting the drugs and his breathing had fully evened out before she slowly lifted his hands and moved them over to the ties. It still felt like a betrayal.

Once she was done she looked up at Gandalf and Elrond.

“Just a precaution," said Elrond. "When he’s up next he may be able to stay awake a while longer.”

“And Fili?”

Elrond's smile faded a little. “Healing slowly, but that’s to be expected. They were both fortunate Tauriel was there. An exceptional talent. I would very much like to meet Thranduil's elusive former Captain of the Guard, but she's proving difficult to track down.” He exchanged a look with Gandalf. “If I didn't know better I would say she was avoiding me.”

“I'll be sure to say to her next time she appears,” Vanessa said with a smile. “She visits most days.”

“Please do.” Elrond inclined his head. “I will leave you now. Send for me if either of them wake. I’d like to see if we can encourage Fili up onto his feet a little.”

Vanessa thanked them and smoothed Kili’s damp hair away from his face as their footsteps faded away down the chamber.

They could have let him sit quietly until his hair dried, she thought to herself, annoyed.

“So. Here we are.”

Vanessa jumped as Gandalf pulled up a chair and settled down, busied himself packing his pipe. “You can't smoke in here, Gandalf,” she said when she'd recovered from her fright.

“Nonsense. Wherever did you hear that?” Gandalf sent a smoke ring spinning down the room and pulled over a chair for her. “Sit down beside me. I want to talk with you. But tell me first, when's the last time you slept?”

She shrugged and sat. “I sleep. I sleep enough.” More than enough.

Gandalf smiled sadly. “There will always be danger. If not Bolg then it will be something or someone else. You will need to make your peace with that, else it will drive you mad.” He leaned forward. “I’ve heard some whispers about you.”

“I wouldn’t believe everything you hear.”

“I don't.” he stared at the shadows under Kili's bed for a long moment. "But I’ll be keeping an eye on you nonetheless.”

“Any chance you could do something about those things, Gandalf? I'm trying my best to convince anyone who'll listen that I'm not a witch and they're not helping. Thorin really doesn't like them.”

“I expect he doesn't." Gandalf leaned down and looked under the bed. “What happens if you touch them?”

“I wouldn't if I were you. Nothing happens that I can see but they feel horrible. Sort of sticky. They cling. Kili stepped into them in his bare feet one night, so I can tell you for a fact that swearing loudly in many languages and throwing things doesn't get rid of them.”

“Shame.” Gandalf smiled. “That would have been my very first suggestion. I will think on it.”

“Thank you, can I ask you something else?” Vanessa leaned closer. “Thorin is safe, isn't he? Because I hear whispers too.”

“The situation is...unusual. In time Bard will return to Dale, Thranduil will return to Mirkwood and Erebor will be a dwarven stronghold again. Things will settle down I'm sure. Thorin has the Arkenstone, the right to rule. He should have a guarantee of peace. For a while.” Gandalf smiled at her.

“That too I suppose. But I actually meant the gold.”

“Ah. That. Time will tell I suppose. I’m hopeful he'll recognise it. Or he'll listen to the people around him.” Gandalf looked thoughtful, a little stack of multi coloured smoke rings floating above his head.

They don't really add to his gravitas, Vanessa thought. Maybe that was the intention. She never really knew with Gandalf.

“Fili seemed to resist it, that gives me hope.”

“He wasn’t really near the gold much.” Vanessa felt herself flush a little as she stole a glance at Fili. “He got landed with guarding me. Thorin was suspicious of him, what if that happens again?”

She glanced up at the beds and lowered her voice to a whisper in case the boys could hear her, “Fili was really hurt by it all, Gandalf, things were said. Cruel things. To both of them. Bofur told me what happened after we left, do you know what he did to Fili? Do you know what their punishment is for treason?”

She noticed her voice rising and dropped it to a whisper again as Gandalf nodded sadly, “I don't know if I can forgive him, gold sickness or not. I'm furious. And what if it comes back? The gold is still here, what if it makes Thorin really suspicious again?”

“I don’t know. Thorin tells me that he is moving the gold to the deeper vaults. That's progress I think. Perhaps all will yet be well.”

Vanessa looked at Kili. “And Kili?”

“His decision is unchanged as far as I can tell. Thorin is having to re-evaluate much, perhaps he will yet change his mind. But it will be difficult for him, dwarves are by nature stubborn and set in their ways. As I'm sure you've realised by now.”

Vanessa thought of the dark looks from the Iron Hills dwarves, the whispers she'd overheard. All could be explained away as exhausted paranoia had it not been for a whispered caution from Dwalin on one of his many visits, the smoke from the pyres clinging to him like a cloak.

“Maybe some distance would help, even just for a little while. We could perhaps go travelling for a bit. Once Kili is feeling up to it.” Vanessa thought of sunny days in the Shire or in Rivendell. Far away from dark passageways and suspicious looks, and the smell of death.

We could go to the seaside, Vanessa thought in a sudden flash of inspiration. She made a mental note to find Balin and get her hands on a map. Surely the Lake-town lake would lead to the sea. It couldn't be that far. She could almost smell the fresh, salty air as she thought about it with a sudden excitement, it would be lovely. Campfires on the beach. She could learn to fish and how to cook fish, and he could just relax in the sunshine. Swimming in the sea would definitely be good for his back.

She wondered if they could talk Fili into it.

“I believe that would be best.” Gandalf smiled sadly, as he looked at Kili. “At least until things settle down. They'll come round, in time. Tempers are strained at present.”

* * *

“You have that one upside down.”

Vanessa stared at her parchment, not daring to look up. “No. I don’t. I copied it exactly how Tilda showed me.”

“Give it here.”.Fili reached over and pulled the parchment from her hands, his voice husky from disuse. “Come closer and I’ll show you.”

She scooted her chair closer to his and tried to hide a happy grin as he plucked the charcoal from her fingers. His tangled, unbraided hair fell across the parchment as he corrected her attempts.

“You write like a drunken dwarfling ” Fili muttered as he worked, “and I don’t think Tilda is the best teacher, I can’t make out what some of these are meant to be.”

“Well. You can tell Tilda that yourself. Good luck and it was nice knowing you, Dragon-slayer.” Vanessa risked a little glance at him, he smiled back at her.

“It's good to hear your voice. I've missed you.”

He made a noncommittal noise and handed her the parchment back. “Some new words for you.”

She looked at him suspiciously and started carefully copying the runes. “What are these? Are you going to get me into trouble?”

“Sit up properly. And I shouldn't be able to see your tongue when you’re writing, Balin would rap your knuckles for that.” Fili leaned closer and touched the new marks lightly. “My name, that's yours and these ones mean Erebor. I’m expecting letters when you leave me, Ness.” He nudged her gently with his shoulder. “And I'll be wanting a bit more than a shopping list, written badly in charcoal.”

She sat up a little straighter, not realising he was still quite so close, and tried a few more runes. “You're a little distracting when you're looking over my shoulder like that, you know.”

He ignored her. “I'll teach you how to use a quill and form a sentence before you go. And you need to learn to read. And I can see you rolling your eyes by the way, I'm not blind. Reading is even more important than writing. You have to learn to be independent.”

“I'll have Kili and Bilbo, I think I'll manage somehow. I've managed this far, haven't I? And I've never been much of a reader anyway. The thought of trying to read in another language, no thanks. I think I may have mentioned before that I'm not academic.” She grinned at him. “I'd break your heart, Fili. Or you'd strangle me. It's not worth it, trust me.”

Fili drew back from her, looked horrified. “Ness. You can't rely on others. What if something were to happen and you ended up by yourself?”

“Why would I-"

“No. No. I can't believe I didn't think of this before. I'm really sorry. We should have been working on your literacy well before now.”

“Well, we were a bit busy doing other things.”

They both blushed at each other furiously.

Vanessa recovered first, glancing up at Kili guiltily. “Not that. No. What I meant was, I don't think knowing how to write my name has been the most useful thing I've learnt since we met. I'll not frighten an orc off by showing them my spelling.”

“I'm not so sure about that.” Fili grinned at her. “Anyway, we'll make it a priority going forward. Don't open your mouth if all you're intending to do is argue with me. I've made my decision.” He rolled his shoulders a little and winced. “It's not as if I'll be much good for anything else for a while anyway. I heard Elrond say...”

He tailed off as he looked away and frowned. Vanessa followed his gaze and started gathering her things quickly. "I'll head off for a bit, I’ll be-” 

Fili wrapped his fingers firmly around her forearm. “Stay.” He started to stand and she grabbed at him to try and stop him as Thorin also rushed forward, a hand out.

“No, don’t get up.” Thorin smiled and looked at Ness pointedly. She dropped her eyes and he sighed. “I received a message from Elrond to say you were awake and out of your sickbed. I am pleased to see you feeling better, my nephew.”

Fili fixed his eyes on his bare feet and didn't answer.

“Fili.”

Vanessa could feel Thorin’s eyes on her as Fili's fingers tightened on her arm. And just when we were starting to get along, she thought, sighing inwardly. Oh well.

“I had thought to speak with you, as a King would speak to his Crown Prince. I did not expect to find a sulking dwarfling in your place.” Thorin leant against the bed and looked down at Kili, deeply asleep, drugged again against his will by Elrond. Vanessa quickly dropped her eyes as he turned back to Fili. “I am sorry that I hurt you, Fili. I said things that were... unkind. And unfair.”

“You accused me of betraying you.” Fili spoke in a low, angry voice. Vanessa lifted her head enough to see him glance around the chamber, making sure no-one could overhear before he continued. “You put me on my knees in front of the Company and said I wasn’t loyal to you when that is all I have ever been.”

The fingers on her arm were starting to hurt now as his voice rose.

“That was a little more than unkind. And a little more than unfair. At least, it certainly felt so to me. On my own. In the dark. In a cell, Uncle.”

“And I am apologising for all of it, I saw threats where there were none. I should never have doubted you.” Thorin knelt in front of Fili, Vanessa felt the iron grip on her arm begin to relax.

Thorin sighed and continued, “You have a good heart, Fili. I hope you can find it within you to forgive your uncle a mistake made under difficult circumstances. We are not all perfect.” He reached forward and pulled Fili forward gently, touching their foreheads. “Not like you. My golden prince, my bravest and best warrior. My heir. I am sorry.”

Vanessa watched as Fili closed his eyes, shaking his head. “I am not perfect, Uncle,” he said sadly.

“Yes, you are. You have always been the best of us, my Fili.” Thorin smiled and patted Fili’s cheek. “Open your eyes and look at me, that’s better. Think on what I have said, I need you by my side.” He stood and with a final warm smile to Fili, and an absolutely filthy look at Vanessa the moment Fili dropped his head, he left.

“I am not perfect,” Fili whispered, his head in his hands. “You know I'm not, Ness.”

“Oh, Fili.” She took Thorin's place between his knees and reached up to carefully wrap her arms around him.

* * *

With the amount of empty beds in the wards there had been no healers around when Kili had awoken, overjoyed to see Fili also awake and at his bedside. Vanessa had run off to fetch someone and by the time she'd returned with a healer the brothers had already determined they were both well enough to go visiting and disappeared.

So she and the healer had followed the sound of Kili's familiar laughter, interspersed with what Vanessa felt was a worryingly deep cough, and found him leaning against Bombur's bed. One arm held tightly across his chest as he smiled and chatted with Bombur, Ori and Nori. He’d waved them away firmly as they approached, and the healer had agreed good-naturedly that he would turn a blind eye whilst he completed his rounds.

“It’ll do them all good,” the elf whispered to Vanessa as he left. “Just keep an eye to make sure they don't do anything stupid.”

So she was keeping an eye on both of them, anxiously looking around for the inevitable arrival of either Thorin or Elrond. She’d been left strict instructions to keep both boys quiet. They would be disappointed in her. Well, Elrond would anyway.

But until one, or both probably knowing her luck, of them arrived it was nice to watch Fili contentedly settled in a chair by Bain's bedside. Comparing battle scars by the looks of it. Bain’s cheeks pink with excitement as he animatedly mimed out actions for the benefit of Fili and his father. Bard laughingly placing a hand on Bain's arm and shaking his head as Bain acted out a particularly vigorous sword swing.

Vanessa leaned back against the stone and closed her eyes, smiling with relief. It's over, she thought, it's actually over.


	58. Art therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thranduil makes Kili an offer.

Kili handed the wine bottle to Fili and waited for his brother to take a drink before picking up the next thick hank of golden hair, brushing his fingers through it before carefully separating into perfectly weighted sections. He stretched out the fingers of his left hand surreptitiously behind Fili's shoulder before he started to braid, singing quietly along with Ness.

“It feels a little tight," Fili said when he'd finished, lifting his hand and touching the braid at his temple. “No, don't take it out, Kili. It's probably just my head, I'll get used to it.”

Kili slapped Fili's fingers away and took out the rest of the braid. The tension was all wrong. He stared at the back of Fili's head, annoyed, and started again.

“Are you all right, Kili?” Ness was looking up at him, concern on her face.

Sprawled on her belly in front of the fire, she was supposed to be attempting to get something legible on the parchment. Fili and Tilda seemingly having made it their priority to teach her to write. Although considering the amount of wine she'd had already Kili didn't have high hopes for this evening's efforts.

Realising he was still frowning Kili smoothed it away, smiling at her. “I’m fine. Just a bit out of practice. Do you want to show us what you've written so far?” He wondered if he could ask a healer about the damage Azog had done to his fingers without it causing a big fuss. 

Fili snorted with laughter. "I don't think it would take long. Either the exercise I've given her is far too easy, or she's given up. My coin would be on giving up. Ness?”

She looked annoyed, and a little guilty. Kili grinned back at her as Fili continued. “Come on, you may as well admit it. I know you can't sing and concentrate to write at the same time. I did like that last song though.”

“Did you? Really? You never like any of my songs. Which one was it?”

Kili sang a little of it for her, since her wine soaked mind seemed to have blanked it out.

“Thanks, my songbird. You've such a nice voice." She smiled up at him brightly before looking back at Fili. “I'll sing that one more often, now I know you like it. You're so fussy and hard to please. Anyway. I’ve given up on writing for tonight. You work me too hard and my head's melted. So I'm having a break and doing art therapy instead. Look.” She turned the parchment and held it out to show them, smiling happily.

“I'm not fussy," Fili said, sounding offended, “or hard to please. I just don't like bawdy songs, that’s all.”

“I don't know what that means.” Ness lowered the parchment before Kili could get a good look at it. He decided to help her out.

“Means filthy, Ness.” Kili met her eyes over his brother's head, grinned happily at the expression on her face as she glared at Fili. “He's saying your songs are indecent.”

“Filthy? None of the songs I've ever sung have been even slightly filthy.” She narrowed her eyes. “You don't know the meaning of the word.”

Fili straightened his shoulders as he backtracked. “Perhaps not filthy, that's maybe not quite the right word. But you have to admit that most of your songs, although they do sound very nice, if you're not paying attention, when you actually listen to the words...anyway, doesn't matter. You just have a different idea of what's appropriate.”

Kili tried to hide a smile.

“I'm not sure I like what you're insinuating.”

“You'll learn as you go. My little brother will keep you right I'm sure.”

“I'll do my best, brother.” Kili smiled as Fili looked up at him, ignoring the very unladylike snort from Ness. “I do try, but it is difficult.”

“Oh no, I don't think he means you, my Kili. There must be another little brother stashed away somewhere that I haven't heard about. Fili, he's a hundred times worse than I am.”

“I am not.” It was Kili's turn to be insulted. He thought back a little, grinned when he realised what she was referring to. "That's private, Ness.”

“Is it really? I don't think your-"

Fili clapped his hands over his ears. “No. Stop. Please. I'm sorry, Ness. I'll apologise for everything I have ever said if you just stop. Perhaps you can show us properly what you've drawn?” He looked up at Kili. "What's art therapy?” he whispered.

Kili shrugged, he'd no idea. He'd ask her later when she was sober. It entertained him when Ness attempted to explain things from her world. They'd spent hours on political systems. Kili watching her fascinated as she had tied herself up in knots. Waving her hands about and getting more and more agitated, swearing expressively. He smiled as he remembered, he was still none the wiser. It all seemed very complicated. But then he wasn't convinced Ness had any idea what she was talking about either.

She grumbled something incomprehensible as she held up the parchment. Kili leaned forward for a better look.

“What is it?” asked Fili.

“What is it?” She repeated, narrowing her eyes at them. “What is it? It's Smaug.”

“Oh yes, of course. I see it now.” Fili, ever the diplomat, reached out and took it from her. “I just couldn't make it out in this light. It's very good. Very...expressive.”

Kili tucked his head down behind Fili’s back.

“You’re a terrible liar.”

He heard the rustle of parchment as she snatched it back. “And I know you’re laughing back there.”

He lifted his head and laid his chin on Fili's uninjured shoulder as she grumbled to herself. “Sorry, Ness. Draw something else and we'll guess right this time.”

“Or what about if we tell you what to draw?”

Kili nodded happily at Fili's suggestion, that was a much better idea. He smiled at her as she watched them suspiciously.

“What about the mountain?” Fili asked him.

“Too easy.” Kili thought for a moment. “What about someone we know? How about an elf? Or Gandalf? Beorn?”

Fili grinned beside him. “Thranduil. Good idea, brother. Draw the Elvenking, Ness.” He leaned forward and tapped the parchment. “Go on.”

She leaned forward over the paper, muttering darkly.

“And make sure to get the elk too.” Kili felt a laugh rising and tried to suppress it.

Fili nodded in agreement. “Maybe you can give it to Thorin as a present, or a peace offering.”

They sobered a little at that.

Kili thought back to that morning. Thorin had stormed into the healing chambers in a towering rage following his daily meeting, summarily dismissing the healer who had just begun to remove the stitches from Fili's thigh. With terrible timing Kili had just pulled Ness down across his knee for a kiss, hushing her protests with his lips firmly on hers. Laughing heartily at her outrage as the healer confirmed without lifting his head from his work that they all knew about the prince and his witch and all her efforts to be subtle had been for nothing.

So the scene Thorin had walked in to hadn't improved his temper. Thorin had demanded Ness leave immediately and Kili had refused, tightening his hold about her waist and taking her hand in his as she desperately tried to wriggle away.

Kili had defiantly told his uncle that anything that needed to be said could be said in front of Ness. That she was his and they kept no secrets from each other. He'd tilted his chin and braced himself, ready to push Ness out of the way, not entirely certain that Thorin wouldn't cuff him there and then. But somehow his uncle had managed to restrain himself. There had been a definite finger twitch though.

Switching to Khuzdul a furious Thorin had asked if Kili could confirm whether he had in fact lost his mind prior to the battle and sworn fealty to the Elvenking.

Kili had cursed inwardly, he'd been hoping Thorin wouldn't find out about that.

So with no choice but to brazen it out Kili took as deep a breath as he could and began by reminding Thorin that he'd been thrown out on his ear from Erebor for doing nothing more terrible than falling in love. He then went on to explain that in the face of not one but in fact two orc armies, and with no help forthcoming from his beloved uncle hiding amidst his stacks of gold behind the gates of Erebor, he had made the strategic decision to accept that someone with thousands of years of experience may actually know more than himself about running a command.

As he pulled in another painful deep breath and congratulated himself for remaining calm Kili confirmed that yes, he'd said the words and sworn his allegiance to Thranduil. He maintained eye contact with Thorin and kept his voice level as he said that he would do the same again if the situation demanded it.

He probably should have left it there, in hindsight. Fili had been trying to help, signalling frantically behind Thorin's back that Kili should be quiet.

But, choosing to ignore his brother, Kili had instead warmed to his topic. Going on to make some well crafted, in his mind anyway, remarks about pride and stupidity. And reminded Thorin that they had all tried to tell him about the threat and been rebuffed.

There may also have been something about Kili not being the one who had lost their mind.

Kili definitely recalled finishing with a flourish by asking Thorin to tell him exactly what choice he should have made so that he wouldn't make the same mistake again.

There had been a long beat of silence after he was done. Kili had held his uncle's gaze and waited, Ness stiff and frozen on his lap. As he had stroked her wrist lightly Kili had felt her pulse hammering against his fingertips.

It had all gone a little downhill after that. It transpired that during Thorin's morning meeting, and in front of Dain, Bard and Othur amongst others, Thranduil had graciously offered Kili a place in his royal guard under Legolas. Thranduil had explained to the table that he was making his offer after carefully considering how well Kili had conducted himself during the battle. Despite Kili's tender years and lack of experience. Thorin had been forced to listen through gritted teeth as Thranduil told everyone how fiercely Kili had fought his way through the orc filled streets of Dale to reach the Elvenking's side.

Bard had interjected and confirmed to Thorin that this was true, that he and Kili had fought side by side with the goal of rejoining the Elvenking and Gandalf. He told Thorin that Kili had saved his life many times over and that he and his family and his people would be forever grateful. Deferring to the Elvenking Bard had also guilelessly made his offer. Assuring the King Under the Mountain that if things didn't work out for Kili in Mirkwood then he would be more than honoured for Kili to join him in Dale, in any role Kili wished.

Kili couldn't help but smile at that, smoothing his face quickly as Thorin glowered at him.

Thranduil had carried on to describe in detail to the table how Kili had stood right by his side in front of the inner city gate, facing down a horde of orcs. He told them how, in that moment, Thranduil had felt a true swell of love for the brave, young dwarf who he knew would willingly have died for him. With a smile Thranduil had placed a hand on his heart and told Thorin how Kili's courage and loyalty had touched him deeply. He told Thorin that he should be very proud indeed of his stouthearted nephew. Thranduil had then continued to tell the room how he felt with more disciplined training Kili could perhaps rise to a captaincy in the elven guard. Maybe even within a few years if he really worked hard and applied himself.

Despite himself Kili had felt a swell of pride to have so impressed the Elvenking, realising too late that Thorin must have read it in his face.

Faster than thought Thorin had closed the distance between them.

Kili had stood quickly, ignoring the pain in his back and chest from the sudden movement as he pushed a frantic Ness safely behind him. Fili had also ignored his injuries, launching himself off the bed to insert himself between them. His brother placing one hand firmly against Thorin's chest whilst he attempted to hold the blanket around his waist closed with the other.

At which point the healer had returned and politely but firmly asked Thorin to leave.

Kili looked down at the braid in his hands and sighed heavily.

Fili must've been thinking along the same lines. “It might have gone a bit better if Thorin had been a few moments later. Or if you’d let Ness leave. Or if you in fact knew when to stop talking. And I, for one, would have liked to have been a bit better dressed.”

Kili shrugged. “Perhaps, but anyway, I don’t think you've any secrets from Ness now.”

He retied the braid and laughed as the tips of his brother's ears turned pink. “She was helping the healers after the battle. Trust me, Fee, she'll have seen everything. Everything. Isn’t that right, Ness? Along with a load of elves. And Durin only knows who else. Probably Gandalf.

“In fact, it might be easier just to assume that everyone in this mountain knows what you look like under your clothes now.” He laughed again happily as Fili made a strangled noise.

Ness looked up from her drawing. “What have you said to your poor brother? Here, Fili, have a drink and pay him no mind. Take this one and I'll open another bottle.” She crawled over to the other side of the fire, picked up another bottle and started wrestling with the cork.

“We should probably go and get some water in a bit, and something to eat. Bring it all back here.” Kili sectioned off another braid. “We are staying here tonight, aren't we?”

Fili shook his head under Kili's fingers, making a mess of the braid. “I’ll go back. You two need your time alone, brother.”

Exchanging a look with Ness over Fili's head, Kili was confident she understood his need to spend as much of this precious extra time with his brother as possible. Time alone could wait. Even if he had been capable of bedding her, and Kili wasn’t entirely convinced that he was. If he was being completely honest with himself.

“No. You're not going back on your own, Fee. So your choices are we both go back and Ness pretends to sleep in a chair. Or we all stay here cosied up in a nice warm bed.”

“Well. When you put it like that.”

Kili could hear the smile in his brother's voice and leaned down to kiss Fili's head.

“So what will you tell Thranduil?” Fili tilted his head back to look at him.

“I'll thank him graciously and decline of course. I do know the difference between burning a bridge and setting the whole town on fire, Fee.” He pushed Fili's head back into place. “With a bit of space and your gentle influence Thorin will come round. But not if I'm running around Mirkwood fighting spiders with the elves. I'm not a compete fool. How's the picture coming along, Ness?”

She turned the parchment to them.

Kili stared at it as Fili tilted his head to one side. “Is that meant to be the elk?”

“I’m drawing you two idiots.” Ness smiled happily. “I'm not stupid enough to think giving either of you a drawing of Thranduil is a good idea.”


	59. It was everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kili visits Dale.

Kili leaned out over the ramparts and looked out toward Dale. Yesterdays pyres still smouldered, the grey smoke hanging in the still, early morning air. He could feel an itch between his shoulder blades, certain that if he turned quickly enough the curious eyes of the Iron Hills guards would be trained on him.

Tugging the hood of his cloak further forward over his head he made his way slowly down the steps and towards the gate, lifting a rag from a basket to wrap about his face on the way. Wordlessly he joined the throng of slow moving dwarves, elves and men heading to their grim work. Ahead he could see the distinctive figure of Dwalin, also moving out through the open gateway and on into the valley, a shovel resting over each broad shoulder. He looked deep in conversation with an Iron Hills dwarf.

Bofur had whispered to Kili how Dwalin had refused Thorin's command to guard the treasure hoard. And more than that, he'd done it in front of the Company. There had been an ugly scene before Thorin surprised them all and backed down, granting Dwalin permission to work on clearing the battlefield instead.

The smell was even worse outside the gate.

He blinked in the weak sunlight and tightened the covering about his face. His stomach roiled as he tried to take shallow breaths in through his mouth. Not much good sneaking out, he thought, if I draw attention to myself by throwing up. Not that he was sneaking out really, he was sure if he'd asked somebody he would have been allowed.

Kili thought back to the warm bed he'd left behind. Ness, exhausted as she was from watching over them had barely registered his movement, just a sleepy mew at losing the heat from his body. He’d pushed her over toward Fili and she'd pressed herself tightly against his brother’s back, wrapping an arm around his waist. Not even opening her eyes when Kili had leaned over and kissed her temple and whispered that he would see her later.

Kili shook his head. The healers had told him how she'd barely rested, watching over them all hours of the day and night. Roaming around the mountain like a restless spirit when she'd been forced to leave.

She'd slept like a dead thing once they’d insisted she go to bed after dinner. The two of them crawling in to join her once the wine was finished and the fire died down to embers.

He grinned happily under his face covering as he made his way towards Dale, making sure to give Dwalin a wide berth. They'd done it in the end. Wounds would heal, Fili was alive and that was all that mattered. And Ness, of course. And Thorin and the others.

Against the odds they'd managed It. Azog dead, the orcs routed. Bolg's trail gone cold by all reports, although Legolas was still out searching. The elf prince seeming to have taken the orc’s survival as a personal insult. Kili had heard that Thranduil spent a lot of time pacing the ramparts watching for his son's return. Another one who didn't sleep.

Skirting around the swollen body of a huge warg Kili glanced back towards the gate. There was still so much work to do and time was against them. The bodies of the orcish army poisoning the air and the soil with each day that passed, sapping the strength and morale of the survivors.

Kili placed a hand on his chest and forced himself to take a deep breath. Still weak and painful, there would be no lifting for him. Not today.

Or for Fili. Tauriel had worked a miracle keeping his brother alive once again. Both her and Ness. Although Ness insisted she had played no part in it.

Kili knew better.

He knew that some compulsion had pulled her from his side and safely through a pack of orcs in time to save his brother.

Kili wasn't sure if his memories of that time were true or dreamt. They were tangled and confused, but he thought a wordless, heartbroken cry had pulled him back to consciousness on Ravenhill.

He felt he could remember opening his eyes to search for her. It had seemed real. The scrape of grit against his knuckles as he had stretched across the grey rock toward the ice where she stood. The tang of copper in his mouth as he swallowed and struggled for breath. His skin damp and cold. And the pain. Each ragged breath agony the like of which he had never felt before.

In his dream, if it had been a dream, he had tried to call her back, but could only manage a broken whisper lost in the sound of orcs roaring in triumph. His body had been heavy and uncooperative, refusing to obey him as he had tried to get to his feet and follow her.

A soft voice and a warm hand on his forehead had commanded him to rest before all had faded into darkness.

Balin had told him of her reckless flight across the frozen lake, how Ness had thrown herself into the midst of the orc pack as if they were of no consequence. Shaking his head, Balin had chuckled as he told Kili that he had no idea how they'd managed to reach Fili and Thorin unscathed, and crucially before it was too late.

He told Kili that Ness had hurled her only blade away as soon as she reached Fili's side, trusting to whatever fate or luck had protected her so far.

Balin had shook his head again, patted Kili's arm and told him that his brother had done well to stay on his feet. That Thorin only breathed because of Fili's strength and that Kili should be very proud. Kili had nodded and agreed. He didn't doubt his brother's strength for a moment. The healers had already told him in whispers that they had never seen anyone survive a chest wound so severe.

But Fili was fall from well. Kili had been shocked by how frail and pained his dependable big brother had seemed as they had carefully helped each other bathe, Ness and Oin hovering anxiously within shouting distance outside the bathhouse doors.

Fili needed proper rest. And peace. Kili didn't like to think of the burden his brother had carried on his shoulders since Lake-town.

We will talk about keeping secrets from each other once he's feeling a bit better, Kili decided.

And so he had pushed Fili gently back down onto the bed with Ness that morning. Ignoring his brother's insistence that he too wanted to go for a walk outside. Instead making him promise to go to the healers as soon as Ness woke.

By the time Kili had dressed, everything taking infuriatingly longer than it should, Fili's eyes had closed and Kili had slipped out leaving them curled up tightly together.

* * *

Vanessa woke reluctantly from a very pleasant dream about Rivendell. She could still smell warm grass and sunshine. With a sigh she snuggled down happily further into the furs. Enjoying the warmth at her back as her head lay pillowed comfortably on his arm.

Cracking her eyes open she muzzily looked along their forearms to interlocked fingers, her eyes focusing at last on the light dusting of blond hair across his knuckles.

Fully awake now she lay still, heart pounding, the wine headache and exhaustion dulling her thoughts.

Behind her Fili stirred, hips rolling against her and murmuring in his sleep as he shifted position. She held her breath as the hand holding hers flexed and the other tightened on her hip, pulling her firmly against him.

* * *

“Explain to me why you didn't you speak with the healers about this?”

Kili shrugged and drummed his boots lightly off the wall she'd commanded he sit on. He watched as she gently manipulated his fingers.

Tauriel stopped and looked at him, waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know.” He winced a little as she stroked a thumb firmly across his palm. “Everyone was so worried about my back and my breathing. It just didn't seem important. I thought maybe it was stiff from sleeping so much? Maybe it will wear off?”

Tauriel made a noncommittal noise. He looked up at her and she smiled kindly. “Perhaps. It’s possible.”

“And I wanted to see you.” Kili looked over his shoulder, suddenly certain he’d heard a growl.

He watched Beorn drag the body of an orc through the shattered doorway of a house and out into the alley, stopping to make a mark on the stone beside the remains of the door. The shapeshifter trailed past them to the main street, hoisted the remains and threw it onto the wagon with the others. It landed with a wet sound.

Kili felt himself pale as the scent drifted across to them.

“You get used to it.” Tauriel smiled gently.

He noticed her cheeks were lightly flushed. He was sure his weren't. Green, perhaps, but not flushed. 

She paused before she continued, lowering her voice as if telling a secret. “Although I do long for the fresh, wholesome smells of the Greenwood.”

“Or anything that isn’t orc insides.” He agreed, watching as she lifted his other hand, examining it closely.

“May I?” Tauriel began to carefully remove his bracers when he nodded. “Can you remember what happened?”

“Yes. Azog stood on me.”

Tauriel freed one of his forearms and started on the other. “I’ve never been told exactly what happened before we arrived on Ravenhill. I have heard that you’d chased down Azog and foolishly fought him alone. What were you thinking, Kili? How could you have expected to defeat him?”

Insulted and indignant Kili couldn’t quite find the words to answer.

“You are very brave. That is beyond doubt.” Tauriel lowered her head over his forearms and began poking about.

He leaned closer, looking through the waterfall of remarkably fresh smelling hair, curious to see what she was doing.

“But you must learn not to be so reckless. You only get one life. And you have people who need you. Can you feel that?” She pressed down and began pinching his fingertips.

He tucked a section of hair behind her ear so he could see better, apologising as she jumped a little and stared wide eyed at him.

“Not this one, or this one.” He tapped on his fingers to show her. She turned her gaze back to his hand in hers. “And I wasn’t throwing my life away. Azog shouldn't have been able to see me.”

Beorn stopped and leaned on the wall beside them as Kili told Tauriel about the magic ring Bilbo had found in the goblin tunnels and their original, and much better, plan for Ravenhill.

“So when I kicked in what was left of the tower door the first thing I saw was Azog stamping on Fee.” Kili fell quiet as he remembered his brother falling to the ground and lying still, surrounded by roaring orcs. Azog towering over his helpless body, the tip of the orc king's bladed arm too close to Fili's exposed throat. 

His heart stuttered and his blood ran cold every time he thought about it. It had joined the image of Fili lying cold and pale by the side of a lake in his dreams.

Drifting in and out of consciousness by the lakeside Kili had no recollection at all of Fili's fight with Bolg.

Although furious with himself for again not being by Fili's side, to his shame Kili couldn't help but feel a little grateful to have been spared watching Bolg bait his brother like an animal. His mind supplied images for him anyway, but he was certain the reality would have been much, much worse.

Kili swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat and shook himself a little. “And then orcs were between me and him and I just needed to get to my brother. Nothing else mattered. Azog ran but I didn't think about it. I didn’t realise he could see me. Then when I caught up with him at the lake I made sure I was downwind and when he blocked my strike I assumed it had been luck, perhaps that I’d made a small noise on the ice. Then he spoke.”

“What did he say?” Tauriel had stopped her investigations and was just holding his hands lightly in hers now.

“He said 'A Durin with a precious gift’ which I thought was quite flowery for an orc. It was really strange. I felt like it was Black Speech, which isn’t my strongest language. Fee is much better at it. But it sounded like Khuzdul in my head. Like it had just been dropped in. But I don't see how Azog could have possibly known our language.”

Kili thought for a moment and shrugged, it was very strange. He'd think more on it later. “And then he looked at my hands on the sword hilt and I knew I was in trouble.”

“What happened then?” Beorn leaned in a little.

“Well, I fought for my life of course.”

“You should have run," Tauriel said reprovingly.

“I am of Durin's folk.” Kili lifted his head and looked her directly in the eyes. “It was my fight. And I could have killed him. I was unlucky, my foot slipped on the ice.”

He didn't bother mentioning that it had been Azog who knocked him to the ice in the first place.

“Fool," Beorn said to Tauriel. “Dwarves do not know when to run. They are too proud.”

“That’s just not true. I’ve run plenty. Azog was a threat to my family, I had to try. You know you would have done the same.” He addressed that to Beorn, feeling a little regret at the low blow before tilting his head defiantly and turning back to Tauriel. “Anyway, Azog got a hold of me and lifted me above his head before throwing me against the ice.”

Kili paused as he remembered the moment Azog's huge hand had closed about his ankle. The heart stopping fear as the orc dragged him backward before transferring his grip and slamming his head hard against the ice. The feeling of being picked up high above Azog's head as if he weighed nothing. “I hit the ice pretty hard and it knocked the wind out of me and I lost my grip on my sword. Then he stood on my wrist and I tried to clench my fist to keep the ring from him but my hand sort of opened by itself and he took it.”

“But Azog was visible when Legolas and I arrived.”

Kili shrugged. “Maybe it doesn’t work on him, like...” He stopped, suddenly cold.

“Like what?” Tauriel was very close to him now. It suddenly occurred to him that she had very pretty eyes. He stared into them for a bit while trying to push other, terrible, thoughts out of his head. She nudged his knee with her leg, hard. “Like what, Kili?”

“Nothing.” He dropped his eyes and looked away. “I don’t know. He hit me again against the ice, I think maybe more than once, I can't really remember.”

He remembered well the terrible feeling of being held helpless though. He distinctly remembered kicking futilely into nothing but air as he had tried desperately to pry Azog's choking grip from about his throat. Gasping for a breath that wouldn't come before he was slammed again to the ice. Feeling something break deep inside him, his vision whiting out as the huge orc loomed above. All sound vanishing in pain.

Kili felt he might have lost consciousness briefly during the one sided fight. Execution, really.

It had been the sensation of a thousand icy knives piercing his skin that jolted him back. Kili had opened his eyes, taken a gasping breath and panicked, all hurts forgotten, as he breathed water. He had fought desperately against the iron arm holding him under, managing to snatch a breath before Azog pushed him down again. Twisting and struggling uselessly, feeling himself weakening. Then the moment of blessed relief as the orc's grip relaxed and the river had taken him.

He had thought then for certain that he was saved, badly hurt but saved. Summoning the last of his strength he had struggled to the surface, only to find the way blocked.

Understanding hadn't come immediately. He had held on to what little breath he had for as long as he could whilst he pushed and pounded uselessly with his waning strength against the ice. The pain and pressure building inside him until he couldn't stop himself taking a breath. He remembered the moment the water had rushed in, filling his chest and burning him from the inside out. He'd fought it as long as he could, feeling his body convulse and in his last conscious moments before the darkness took him Kili had been certain he heard Ness calling his name.

He had dreamt of it often, trapped within his own head by the elvish sleeping draughts. Forced to relive it over and over, unable to move or wake. It had been torture.

Kili had hoped that once he was allowed to sleep without the medication the bad dreams would leave him to his rest. But he had known it for a false hope as he awoke with a start in his own bed. Gasping for air, choking. In pain and frightened in the darkness as the terrible dream faded. Ness had curled in tighter to him, murmured something in her sleep and he had pressed her close, his heart hammering painfully in his chest as he stroked her hair and tried to comfort himself. Telling himself he was safe. That they were all safe.

He wasn't sure he would ever sleep peacefully again.

Kili realised Tauriel and Beorn were both looking at him, with varying levels of concern. “Sorry. So then I remember being under water with Azog's hand around my throat and I couldn’t breathe and then nothing really. Until I opened my eyes and saw you. Until you saved my life.”

She flushed. “It was nothing.”

“It was everything." He smiled, looked at her as she blushed further. "Thank you.”

“She was prepared to die defending you, dwarf. And would have, had I not heard her cries,” Beorn growled. It was a definite growl now, Kili thought, as the bear continued. “She also is a fool who doesn't know when to run.”

Kili shared a smile with Tauriel and clasped her hands, leaning forward to her. “Then I owe you both my life.” He tried a friendly smile at Beorn but the bear just glared back at him. Kili turned his attention back to Tauriel. “Thank you. I'm truly sorry you were hurt. He is right, you should have ran.”

“This should have been splinted, Kili.” Her face was bright pink with embarassment so he let her fuss for a bit. Beorn huffed out a breath and shook his head as he went back to his work.

“Will it come back?” he eventually asked her, daring to hope. “I'm the archer, Fili's the sword. I need it.”

* * *

Vanessa wasn't entirely sure which emotion she was feeling as she began to gently unwrap the bindings from Fili’s chest. He lifted his arms obediently and moved a little forward towards the edge of the bed to help her stretch around him. Neither of them making direct eye contact. As she shuffled forward between his open thighs, mumbling an apology as they touched and her face flamed red, she decided it was embarrassment. Definitely embarrassment. It could be nothing else.

We're well past all that now, she told herself firmly as her treacherous heart beat a little faster. All the life threatening things are over, there's no excuses left for terrible behaviour.

He jumped as her fingers accidentally brushed against his skin and she apologised again.

Vanessa could have hugged the healer with relief when he returned and set a bowl of warm water onto the bed along with a fresh poultice and bindings onto the bed.

“You will likely have to soak it a little, Ness.” He watched closely as she unwrapped another layer and tutted a little. “You really should have had this changed last night, Fili.”

Fili looked suitably chastised and the healer smiled at him. Patted his shoulder kindly. “But I’m pleased you were up and enjoying yourself, no harm done. How's the leg? Did you check this morning, Ness?”

“What?”

“With the stitches coming out yesterday. Did you check?”

“No," Vanessa said, looking at Fili. “I didn't realise I was supposed to.”

Fili shook his head at her. Vanessa completely agreed with him. It had been awkward enough when they'd unravelled themselves on the bed without helping him take any more layers off.

“My leg's fine,” Fili spoke up. “Honestly. It’s good as new.”

“Perhaps I should just take a quick...No? Well, if you're sure, Fili. You can let me...what is it, Ness?”

“Should you not be doing this?”

“We will be leaving soon.” The healer smiled at them. “You will have to learn to manage without us. Oin will keep you right.”

They both watched the healer leave. Vanessa turned back at Fili, their faces inches apart. He dropped his eyes, a flush spreading slowly across his neck.

“Right. So it's just us. Let's get this done and over with then,” she said briskly.

* * *

Kili walked past the first of the rough hewn tunnels, the remains of the were-worm partially blocking it. He adjusted his face covering and looked back at Tauriel. “Let’s not look in that one.”

She nodded in agreement, pressing her own covering to her face as she stared at the huge beast. “Why are we up here? I thought I was walking you back to the mountain.”

“I just want a closer look." Kili walked between the body of the second beast and a troll. Stepping over the thick chain still gripped tightly even in death around the handler’s arm. “And I don’t need a guard.”

“That remains to be seen.”

He could hear the smile in her voice. Following the chain he crouched by the were-worm’s body.

“Don’t touch it, Kili.”

He stopped pushing on one of the little bony spikes standing out from the grey skin. Looked along the worms body at the neat rows of spikes along its sides. Hundreds of them. Kili imagined the beast pushing itself along through the earth, it would be something to see. From a distance of course.

Wiping his fingers on his tunic he stood. “They just put the hooks for the chains directly into it's flesh. Barbaric.”

“I’ve been thinking about the ring you told us about.” She stepped forward to join him. “Where is it now?”

Kili shrugged and looked at her sideways, he had been wondering the same thing himself. “Burned to ash up on Ravenhill with Azog, I expect. It’s a shame, but probably for the best.”

She nodded. “Probably.”

He watched and waited as she scuffed a toe in the dust. “Go on then,” he said, “out with it, whatever it is.”

Tauriel stopped, looked at him curiously. He raised his eyebrows at her. “You said you knew Black Speech?”

Kili cursed inwardly, Balin would kill him. He suddenly realised he'd told the bear too and felt himself pale. Tried to comfort himself by reminding himself the bear didn't really socialise much.

“Will you teach me?”

He looked up at her, surprised. “I'm sorry, what?”

She nodded. “I think it would be useful, for when I'm travelling in the wild. Would you teach me?”

“I'm not very good at it.” Kili thought about it. Balin would definitely kill him if he found out. And as for Thorin, it didn't bear thinking about.

But on the other hand they did owe her.

“I can teach you what I know but you must keep it a secret. People are very suspicious of folk who know it, you could get yourself into trouble.” It was his turn to scuff a toe in the dirt a little. “Perhaps, you could ask Beorn to keep it a secret too?”

He watched her and breathed a sigh of relief as she nodded happily and promised.

“Fee is a lot better at it but he's got an awful lot to worry about just now so we'll keep it between us. I can ask him for any words we get stuck on, I'll think of some excuse.” He walked up to the next dark tunnel entrance, this one smelt cleaner. Looking back over his shoulder he held out his hand to her. “And that's enough trying to distract me, Elf. Are you coming?”

* * *

“Ness.”

His voice was husky and pained. She lightly wiped away another droplet of water trapped in the dark blond hairs and glanced up at him, fingertips resting against his skin.

“Sorry. Are you hurting?” Distracted, she watched the progress of another droplet of water as it trickled its slow way down. She stroked a finger up and along his hip bone to intercept it. Gently she trailed her fingertips back and along the soft skin of his belly. “I can check if you're allowed some more pain relief.”

Fili made a noise deep in his throat that sent a little tremor through her and made her smile.

"Ness." He grabbed her fingers, holding himself up on one elbow. “Stop it.”

“Please,” he whispered as he released her and pulled the blanket further across his waist. “This is sweet torment. You must stop.”

“Here you are.”

They both jumped as Bilbo joined them. He settled himself into the chair and looked up at Vanessa. "Playing nurse are we? I came to visit last night and you'd all gone.”

Vanessa turned back on her work and left Fili to answer Bilbo.

It was going to leave quite a scar, she thought idly as she soaked off the last traces of the previous poultice. Carefully drying his skin with a clean cloth she lifted the fresh one and reminded Fili that it would sting. He nodded and she applied it as gently as she could. He hissed quietly and her eyes drifted downward as she watched his muscles clench.

“-but I think we’ve the most of it moved now.”

She forced herself to tune back in, trying to distract herself from the completely inappropriate heat that had risen through her when Fili's thighs had momentarily tightened against hers. “Sorry, Bilbo?”

“The gold, were you not listening? We've been moving it into the vaults. Pretty much directly below here, actually. We might be able to get finished tomorrow. If we don’t have any more incidents.” He laughed.

“Incidents?” She looked over her shoulder to Bilbo.

“Well, not really incidents. We're getting pretty good at recognising gold sickness now. Moving the treasure seems to have stirred something up, we feel there’s definitely something magical there. So we swap in and out and keep an eye on each other. Bofur is very useful actually. It’s better when he is there, you can spot it on him very easily.”

“So poor Bofur’s your canary.” She giggled for a bit, stopping to look between their blank faces. Settling on Fili's. “The bird you take down a mine? No? I thought your lot was all about mining?”

Fili shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

“We learnt about it in school. You carry a canary down a mine and if the air is bad the canary keels over first and that warns you. So that means Bofur’s your gold sickness canary. How do you not know this?”

Fili shook his head again with a smile. “The more you tell me about your world...barbaric.”

He looked to Bilbo. “So how do you recognise the sickness?”

“Well, I’ve been talking with Balin and Oin and we think it manifests in heightening feelings. So if you’re possessive it will make you worse. So for Bofur, as he’s a happy soul at heart it makes him a bit manic.”

“Then Uncle Thorin. Because he was so worried about everything it made him suspicious.” Fili nodded to himself. “I suppose that makes some sense.”

“Perhaps. I do think we should seek advice from Gandalf or Elrond but Balin won’t hear of it. Anyway, we try to encourage Thorin to keep his distance. He is finding it hard though. You will all need to keep a very close eye on him, I think.” Bilbo paused before he continued, “We've found that getting out of the mountain helps, even if it's just going out to help with the clean up for a few hours.”

He looked at Fili carefully. “Some do seem to be more susceptible than others. And it can be hard to spot the signs. You should just assume you are all affected to some degree.”

Vanessa placed a hand on Fili's shoulder and pushed him back a little to keep the poultice in place. She lifted the fresh bindings and smiled at him as he continued to talk to Bilbo. The hobbit now prattling on something about the sickness seeping into the walls.

She rolled her eyes and watched as Fili shifted his weight on his elbows as he spoke, the fascinating play of muscle across his broad shoulders and chest. Her fingers itched as she fought the urge to run her hands over him, to taste the skin at the hollow of his throat. Touch her lips to that secret place between his ear and his jaw and hear him draw in a sharp breath of pleasure.

To bring him to the edge with her hands and her mouth and keep him there.

Sweet torment, she smiled as she looked into his eyes, you have no idea. She could almost hear him moaning her name, pleading for his release. The thought alone gave her a little shiver of delight.

But, she told herself sternly, he wouldn’t be happy if she did any of that in front of Bilbo.

She glanced over her shoulder, wishing the hobbit would take the hint and clear off.

Bilbo just tilted his head at her. Infuriating creature. Remembering what she was supposed to be doing she turned back and started to wind the bindings around him. Moving his golden hair out of the way, taking her time, allowing her fingers to glide a little over his shoulders and neck. He smiled at her gently and she smiled back, her heart pounding.

She suddenly realised they'd both stopped talking.

Fili raised her eyebrows at her. “Do you want to, Ness? It’s up to you.”

“What?”

“Bilbo is going to help in Dale tomorrow and he thought you might like to go with him. Get out of the mountain for a little while.”

“Oh.” Vanessa looked at Bilbo, he nodded encouragingly. She turned back to Fili. “I think I'm fine here. You're not going, are you?” She smiled when he shook his head. “Then I'll stay with you. And Kili.”


	60. This is for your own good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold sickness.

Beorn handed her a rag. “Tie it around your face, little one. It will help. The wind is coming from the lake today, it will be much better in Dale.” He patted her on the head. “It is good to see you, thank you for offering to help us. And you too, Bilbo.”

Vanessa glared at Bilbo as she obediently put on the face covering and pulled her hood up.

He smiled back, all innocence. She wasn't sure what he was up to but she really hadn't appreciated being doorstepped by Beorn.

The knock at the chamber door had startled all three of them awake. Kili had grumbled his way to the door, starting to pull on a shirt before throwing it to the floor in a temper. Vanessa had turned over and curled into Fili’s side, determined to get back into her dream before it disappeared.

Whilst they had waited for Kili to return the previous afternoon they had sat outside with Bilbo, tucked into a quiet corner of the ramparts. Fili had wrapped an arm around her and told them stories about learning blacksmithing with Kili back in the Blue Mountains. He hadn’t been completely clear on the dress code for working in a forge in the Blue Mountains and her sleeping mind had filled in the gaps quite satisfactorily. A very nice dream indeed. And it had just been getting really good.

So she had been a bit disgruntled when Kili had gently slapped her leg and told her that Beorn had arrived to collect her as arranged. She’d protested that she had made no arrangement but then Fili had woken up.

To her surprise he told an annoyed Kili that it was a good idea she go and get some fresh air, suggesting that he and Kili could sort out things with Thranduil and Thorin while she was away.

Vanessa had found herself bullied up and into her clothes by the two of them, before Kili had seen her to the door with the type of kiss he usually reserved for when they were in private. A kiss that made her want to slam the door in Beorn’s amused face and drag him back to bed.

Broken ribs or not.

Brother in the bed or not.

Beorn had seemed quite entertained by it all, laughing his way along the corridor and out through the halls. Far too chirpy for pre dawn hours in her opinion.

By the time they arrived in Dale she had cheered up a little. It was nice to be out of the mountain and the field was mostly clear now, although the well used pyres were still smouldering. They skirted around the scattered bodies and made their way to the southern side of the city, intending to check through the remains of the elven camp.

* * *

After a few hours of work checking and dismantling the remaining elven tents Bilbo had slipped across and quietly asked Beorn if he thought Ness perhaps looked a little tired. Beorn had, as Bilbo had expected, of course immediately insisted that she take a break. Ness had protested that she was fine but he wouldn’t hear of it. Chasing her away and sending Bilbo with her. Warning them not to wander out of sight.

And so here they were, sitting on rocks beside the river which glittered prettily in the late morning wintry sunshine.

Bilbo fished around in his pockets for his pipe and set to packing it. If you looked down the river, he thought, and ignored the ash floating down the valley, and of course the smell, then it could almost be a lovely day.

He glanced at Ness, sitting slightly downriver, staring into the water. “How are you feeling now?” he asked hopefully.

“I’m fine, Bilbo. But then I was feeling fine.” She raised her head and stared at him. “How are you feeling?”

Her tone was a little impertinent for his liking.

He looked at her closely. “You’re not feeling any different?” Bilbo felt he should clarify a little. “And I don't mean tired. I mean, just in general.”

She shook her head.

Bilbo nodded and sighed, he'd expected she might be difficult. “Before I start Ness, I just want to say that I really, really don’t want to have this conversation with you. But I’m your friend and this is for your own good. Do you understand me?”

She stared at him, shook her head again. “What?”

“Do you remember yesterday? When I was talking to you and Fili about gold sickness.”

“Of course.”

“Good, I wasn't sure you were paying attention. You seemed a little...distracted.” Bilbo smiled at her kindly and jumped straight in. “Anyway, we're pretty sure you're affected by it.”

Vanessa laughed at him. “I haven't even been near the gold.” She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Who's we? Who have you been discussing me with?”

He ignored her and ploughed on. “So you haven’t been having any unusual feelings? Anything out of the ordinary? Think hard. Things should be a little clearer now you're out here.”

Bilbo sat back a little and lit his pipe, coughing a bit as he took his first puff. The pipeweed Dain's folk had brought with them was very much appreciated, but it was no Old Toby. It was, however, a great deal better than nothing and a thousand times better than the foul mannish tobacco that Bard insisted on smoking, with every sign of enjoyment. Even Gandalf struggled with that terrible stuff.

Bilbo had promised Thorin that he'd send back a few barrels of the finest leaf as soon as he arrived back in the Shire.

I'll send Bard a barrel too, Bilbo decided, nodding to himself. He'll not know what's hit him. 

She was staring at him.

“Take your time," he said. "Have a proper think.”

He watched as she made every sign that she was thinking hard. Her brow furrowed, tugging at her lip and huffing out her cheeks.

She looked at him. “I haven't had any bad dreams since the boys woke up? Not really anyway, not like before. I worry about a lot of things, and sometimes I feel sad. Is that what you mean? But that’s normal?”

I haven't explained it properly, Bilbo thought, as he sent a smoke ring across the river, nodding in approval at it. “That’s good about your dreams," he said genuinely. And it was, her dreams had awoken the camp on many occasions on their trip across the wild.

He tried to be clearer. “And yes, sometimes everyone gets sad or worried and I know you've had a very hard time of it this past year. That wasn't quite what I was asking.”

Bilbo paused and looked at her properly. “Sometimes I think we forget because you seem to cope so well, all things considered. That is wrong of us and I'm truly sorry.” He reached out and patted her shoulder as she lifted sad eyes to him.

“Do you talk to Kili? About being sad and worried?”

She nodded.

“And?” he prompted her.

Ness shrugged and smiled a little. “That just makes him all sad and worried. Or gives him that murderous look. Depending on what we're talking about.” She threw a pebble into the water. “I talk to Fili too.”

“That's good. And does that help?”

Ness shrugged again. “A little. But it makes him sad too. And I don't like upsetting them, it's not like they can change anything. So I try not to talk about it too much. I'll be fine. Time heals and all that.”

She snorted. “I almost miss all my panic about the mirror. Now my head has too much space in it that needs filling. Everything else is just crowding in.” She looked around, made to stand. “We should probably get back to work.”

“Not yet.” Bilbo caught her sleeve and pulled her back down, smiled warmly at her. “You know you can talk to me, Ness. I've been told that I'm a very good listener. You'll not upset me, I promise.”

“Thank you, Bilbo.” She made to stand again and he shook his head.

“Wait. We haven't finished. Keep thinking now. Unusual feelings. Have you been having any unusually strong feelings about anything? Perhaps anyone?”

She made a show of thinking again, looked a bit shifty. “No?”

“Ness.” Bilbo frowned at her this time, not sure she wasn't being deliberately obtuse now. “I think you're not trying. What if I told you to think about Fili.”

“Fili thinks I've got gold sickness?” She sounded completely confused now.

Bilbo nodded and sent another smoke ring downriver. A bigger one this time. He looked at her as she stared back at him. “He does actually, I spoke with him last night. We had a very interesting conversation, I wish I could unhear some of it.”

He didn't miss the panicked expression that passed over her face and sighed inwardly. He'd suspected as much.

Fili hadn't told him any detail of indiscretions in addition to the Lake-town one Bilbo already knew about. And for that Bilbo was thankful. He hadn't pushed the lad but the furious blushing and lack of eye contact from the young prince, along with his pained almost confession whilst he lay in the jaws of death up on Ravenhill had told Bilbo more than enough. Ness had just confirmed it without saying a word.

Incompetent liars, the pair of them.

“But that's not what I meant," he continued, moving closer as he knocked out his pipe and thought about how best to continue. He reminded himself to be gentle. She waited silently, eyes still wide and looking like she was about to bolt.

“No. What I mean is. I know there's been some, inappropriateness, between you and Fili in the past. Stressful situations and so on, I understand, I do. Partially anyway.” The Lake-town incident was fairly understandable, Bilbo thought. Although he didn't honestly believe any of the dwarves would see it that way. They all seemed to have very firm views where matters of the heart were concerned. It had made for some very interesting debates and conversations. 

But, as a hobbit, and therefore more reasonable and less rigid in his thinking, Bilbo felt he could understand that a mistake can happen when under pressure.

Fili had confessed to him in a low, guilt ridden voice that he’d turned to Ness for comfort. He'd insisted that he was entirely to blame and begged Bilbo not to think badly of her. Which wasn’t quite how Bilbo thought Ness had explained it when she had confessed. He had no idea who to believe.

Bilbo took a deep breath and carried on. "But I noticed yesterday that you were being a little, what's the word I’m looking for...”

He searched for the right word, he'd had it earlier. “Blatant. Yes, I think that's it.”

She was silent for a while before she spoke. “Blatant?”

“Yes, exactly.” Bilbo thought about how to explain it so she'd understand. “You were looking at him like a spider who's found a particularly juicy fly in her web.”

“A spider?” She sounded deeply insulted, and more than a little angry.

He waited patiently as she thought back.

“Oh,” she gasped.

“Yes. Oh.” Bilbo reached out and patted the hand not covering her mouth. Pleased that it was sinking in. “Poor Fili, I could hardly leave you alone with him after that. He wouldn’t have stood a chance.”

She looked horrified, and embarrassed. Bilbo felt a little sorry for her and thought he should at least try to make her feel a little better. It wasn't as if it were just her after all.

“You've been very busy, not resting, you've been susceptible to it. I recognised you were behaving unusually, even by your standards. Fili agrees.” She opened her mouth to respond. Bilbo suspected she was going to try and sidetrack him in her usual fashion. But he was ready for her, cutting her off quickly. “I’m not entirely convinced Fili is himself either. At least I hope not, or I may not be quite so understanding. I'm giving you both the benefit of the doubt here so you had better not prove me wrong. Do you understand me?”

She looked at him blankly and stayed silent.

“I've explained to him that it’s a good idea for him to come out here soon, to clear his head. And the Crown Prince of Erebor should be seen out and about, so it won’t be suspicious. Thorin agrees and Dwalin will be with us. We'll keep him safe.”

“Bilbo, no. He can’t walk far. He’s in a lot of pain, and he'll never admit it. He'll push himself too hard.”

He smiled at her. No matter her faults, she did care deeply for both the lads. Her concern was genuine, and touching.

Shame it crossed over into completely inappropriate, not to mention dangerous, territory.

“We'll look after him. In the meantime you cannot be alone with him.” Bilbo wagged a finger at her. She looked sullenly back at him, crossed her arms. “Did you hear me? This magic or whatever it is, heightens feelings. Do you understand me? Heightens, not creates. That means those feelings are already there.”

Bilbo sighed as she pretended to look shocked. He needed her to understand and behave herself. “I mean it. This is very wrong, and I can promise you that it won't end well. You mark my words. It can't. You're both playing with fire here. And it’s putting me in a very awkward position. By rights I should tell Thorin and Kili.”

Her face twisted, Bilbo felt his spine turn to ice as she spoke in a hiss. “If you-”

“Oh, you can take that look off your face. You don't frighten me.” Bilbo rolled his eyes deliberately. Watching carefully as the darkness disappeared and she became Ness again.

He worried briefly again about what manner of creature he was inviting into his home before he turned his thoughts back to the task in hand.

Fussing with his pipe he waited until his heartrate slowed back down and he had gathered his scattered wits. He thought back to Ravenhill. To sitting quietly with Fili's head in his lap and stroking the lad's hair whilst they waited for the battlefield to clear. Or at least to clear enough to give them a fighting chance of a safe return to the mountain.

Dwalin and Ness had returned from their mission to the signal tower and Vanessa flitted back and forth across the lake between the two brothers, distraught and completely useless. Dwalin had finally taken her with him and Gloin to find a chariot.

It was strangely calm and peaceful high on the spur of the mountain. Although Bilbo hadn't been sure that he wasn't in shock. He had felt very small, very tired and very, very far from Bag End. He was grateful for Tauriel's quiet company, and it was she who had been gently holding Fili's hand in both of hers when the lad stirred and breathed a name.

They'd both leaned in close and exchanged glances as Fili's eyes slowly opened. He'd looked between them in confusion as if expecting someone else.

His eyes focused finally on Bilbo. “Do you think she could have loved me?”

He stared up at Bilbo, seemingly lucid and waiting for an answer. Rattled, Bilbo continued stroking his hair and murmured to him to rest as Tauriel shuffled further forward.

Fili's eyes flickered to Tauriel's as he tried again. “She told me-” His face twisted in pain and he'd breathed hard through clenched teeth as Tauriel hurriedly told to him not to worry just now, not to waste his strength speaking.

Fili ignored her, shaking his head and talking quietly apparently to himself in what sounded like a mix of Khuzdul and Common as Bilbo did his best to hold him steady.

Bilbo's heart clenched painfully as he caught the end of a heartbroken whisper.

“-it was only a dream.”

The strength seemed to go out of Fili then and Tauriel had looked to Bilbo in a panic.

Finding no help she turned back to Fili, promising him that it wasn't a dream, that it had all been true and he needed to hold on just a little longer. Placing her hand tenderly on his face she stroked his cheek and whispering repeated assurances as he stared unblinking into her eyes.

When he slipped away again into unconsciousness she lifted her head and stared at Bilbo, her eyes impossibly wide. “Ness?” she'd asked.

Bilbo shrugged, kept his voice light and nonchalant. “Of course they love each other. They're like brother and sister. Very close friends. Best friends, I'd say. Ness needs to tell him more often. Poor lad.”

She'd nodded, agreed. Looked back down at Fili and stroked his hand gently.

Bilbo had breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for the innocence of six hundred year old elves.

He'd been confident the lad didn't remember and then with everything that happened after he hadn't really given it any further thought. Until he had walked in on them and saw for himself the hunger in Fili's eyes.

I was just in time, he sighed inwardly with relief. Goodness only knows what I would have found if I'd been much later.

He realised Ness was glaring at him. “Anyway, I'm not going to. For Fili's sake, if not yours. He's the innocent in this. And as for Kili. No, it doesn't bear thinking about. You will destroy him. Both of you. You're a fool, Ness.”

She looked devastated by that, and Bilbo almost retracted his words. Some of them at least. Almost.

Then he thought back to his talk with Fili, the poor lad confessing in an ashamed whisper that he felt certain he was in love. That he coveted with every single fibre of his being she who was his brother's. That his heart would forever belong to only her, to do with as she wished. And that the guilt of his betrayal was tearing him apart.

Bilbo had panicked a little at Fili's earnest declarations. His first, selfish, thought that Thorin would never forgive him for keeping this from him.

Once he had recovered somewhat he'd looked into Fili's eyes and thanked him for having such trust in him. He'd promised Fili, not that the lad had even thought to so much as ask before he’d unburdened himself, that he would keep their talk a secret. He'd strongly counselled Fili to do likewise.

Then he’d set his own secret hopes aside and patiently attempted to explain to Fili the difference between lustful thoughts heightened by the proximity to the gold and actual true love. It had been awkward for both of them. But Fili had seemed to listen carefully, nodding along gratefully before thanking Bilbo. It had obviously been weighing the lad down. He had looked thoughtful but perhaps a little happier when they parted ways.

Bilbo wasn't sure how much had actually sank in.

No, Bilbo decided. He had to give the responsibility to one of them and he suspected she was the one more in control of her feelings. He couldn't chaperone them all the time. It would draw eyes. He needed her to take charge and spurn any inappropriate advances. He felt a little pang of guilt but he was fairly confident that Fili would back off, hurt and confused, if she refused him. If not, well. She was fairly competent with those knives now. Bilbo knew she always had at least one about her person. And always one more than anyone knew about. The lad had taught her well.

So he carried on, taking the opportunity to hammer the point home. “Can you even begin to imagine the fallout? Because you should. No. We will go to the Shire as planned. Fili will stay here and marry and continue the line of Durin. The line that you helped save by the way. And that will be the end of it.

"I don't know how things where you come from, Ness, but on this world you cannot flit between brothers as it suits you. You will just have to make do with one of them.” He looked at her sharply, watching her try and fail to keep her expression blank.

Bilbo sighed and shook his head. “You have no right to look like that. No right. He is not yours. And he can never be yours. And you have his brother, remember?”

* * *

Kili was closeted with Thranduil when they returned to the mountain. Feeling somewhere close to panic Vanessa ditched Bilbo with some difficulty and went in search of Fili.

She made a plan as she went.

First, find out what he'd told the hobbit. Every single word so she could work out how bad this was. Then try and make sure he believed this gold sickness theory of Bilbo's. That would be a neat and tidy explanation.

It sounded like a load of nonsense to her but it would do.

Then all she had to do was keep her hands to herself. Damage control. Try and salvage the whole situation before it got worse and they might just get away with it.

You can only have one, she told herself sternly. It's a bit of a mess but it can be fixed. Fili can keep a secret. You can keep a secret. As long as no-one asks either of us directly it will be fine.

And you love Kili.

She felt a bit like crying whenever she thought too much about it. It wasn't fair. In another life I would have just changed my number and cut all ties. Walked away. Chalked it up as just another disaster and got drunk for a bit, feeling guilty and sorry for myself.

She sighed heavily.

With a bit of effort she tracked him down to Bain's bedside. He smiled at her as she approached and for a moment she was completely lost. She gathered herself quickly, reminded herself about the plan.

You love Kili, she told herself. Only Kili. You can't have both. Stop it.

“Ness, how was your day out?” He held out an arm to her and gave her a warm hug. Releasing her so she could reach over to hug Bain before clasping hands with Bard across the bed.

“Long.” She sat on the arm of Fili’s chair. He rested a hand on the small of her back. 

Distracted as his thumb gently massaged her spine Vanessa realised they were all looking at her to continue. “Sorry, tired. Beorn is a hard taskmaster, I'll be sore tomorrow but I think he was happy with us. I feel like I smell of very dead orc though, but it could have been a lot worse. Dwalin's lot were sorting the were-worms today, poor sods.”

“You do smell a bit orcish.” Bard smiled at her.

“I knew it, Balin said we didn't. He looked me in the face and lied to me.” She stood. “Right, I’m away to get less smelly. Look after them, Bain.” The lad nodded at her.

“Wait, Ness.” Fili levered himself up to standing. “I’ll come with you, you’re not going down there on your own.” He said his goodbyes and joined her. "I’m assuming you’re heading to the mines?”

* * *

Vanessa showered quickly, hopping about in the icy water and cursing Beorn for keeping them out so long that all the hot water was gone for the day.

Still, a cold shower was better than none, she thought. Bilbo would approve.

A spider, indeed. She was still insulted.

She gave up when she started to lose feeling in her fingers and ran to switch off the water, drying off with her grubby things before throwing on a fresh shirt and trousers. Skipping happily to the door she flung it open.

“All better?” Fili turned to look at her with a smile.

“Lots. Thanks for keeping an eye out for me.” Vanessa had a quick check around the chamber to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything before closing the heavy door.

He held out an arm to her. “Let’s get you back and warmed up then, I can hear your teeth chattering from here.”


	61. It was only a ring after all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long overdue conversation and a return to Ravenhill

Vanessa poked up the fire and sat cross legged as close to the hearth as possible to warm up whilst he settled himself in the armchair.

Now that they were alone she suddenly realised she didn't know how to start. She allowed herself a little moment to curse Bilbo for forcing her hand.

Completely unreasonable of course. But it made her feel a little better.

Her eyes fell on a bottle of wine beside the hearth. We'll have a drink, she thought, that'll make things less awkward. Start talking just like normal friends instead of whatever this is, relax a bit, then sort it all out.

For a moment she couldn't remember what he and Kili had planned for today, she felt like her talk with Bilbo had knocked everything else clean out of her head.

It came back to her as she handed him the bottle to open. “How did it go with Thorin, are you allowed to tell me? If you’re not I don’t mind, don’t get yourself into trouble.”

Fili shrugged as he uncorked the bottle and passed it back to her. “No, it’s fine. I think we are resolved. Thorin seems to have accepted that I’m, well, still me. No-one outside the Company apart from Dain and yourself knows that he ever doubted me. So I think what we're going to do is pretend that none of that unpleasantness happened.”

He looked into the fire, frowning a little.

Vanessa took a too large slug of wine as she waited for him to continue.

“I forgive him, I do. Mostly. I can now understand a little better, knowing now what we know about the gold sickness, why he thought as he did. And he showed me mercy, despite his mind having convinced him I had betrayed him.” Fili sighed heavily. “I expect it will hurt less in time.”

“And Kili?” she asked after a period of silence.

He smiled into the dancing flames. “Kili isn't quite as far along in his forgiveness. I'd spared him a few details but someone seems to have filled in the gaps. My coin's on Nori or Bofur.”

Accepting the bottle back with a nod of thanks he took a drink. “Kili is outraged on my behalf, as I would be if they situation were reversed. Words were said.”

Vanessa grimaced and he laughed as he continued, “Thorin and Kili are too alike in temperament. If I had a coin for every time I’ve had to step between them.” He stopped again, lost in thought.

Shaking himself out of it he smiled sadly at her, making eye contact briefly. “Sorry. I'll miss him terribly. And you, Ness, of course I'll miss you. But Thorin will not change his mind, he confirmed that today. Emphatically. He’s sent for our mother and has told Kili that he, and you, must be gone before she arrives.”

“Oh.”

He'll be heartbroken all over again, Vanessa thought sadly.

Fili nodded, probably thinking along the same lines. “Thorin wasn’t clear on what he's told her but I know my mother and she will kill ponies to get here, and the winter snows will not slow her down. She’s a force of nature.”

Vanessa felt quite guilty that a smallish part of her was relieved to be missing their mother. It would be terrible for Kili of course, but so, so much worse if Dis took one look at her boys and knew.

She'll murder me, thought Vanessa, feeling very certain about it. I need to fix whatever this is before she gets here because at some point we might be back. Or she'll come find us. A vision of opening the front door in Bag End and seeing an angry dwarf mum standing there gave her a very unpleasant shiver.

"It's an axe your mum has, isn't it?" Vanessa remembered him pointing a similar one out to her in the armoury. It was heavy, she recalled. She'd tried to lift it. Sharp and heavy.

Fili nodded. "Mother's good with a sword of course, but she prefers the axe. I think she always hoped Kili or I would take it up as our main weapon." He smiled ruefully. "We may have disappointed her a little."

"I'm sure you didn't."

He shrugged. "She would have liked one of us to wield our father's axe. It's just that bit too heavy for her. I did give it some serious thought, before we left, but I've always preferred my swords and I'm glad now I didn't take it. She would have been heartbroken if I'd lost it, although she would have pretended very hard that she wasn't."

Vanessa patted his arm as he looked a little sadly at her. 

"It should have been buried with him really. But Mother wouldn't hear of it. Maybe someday someone will take it up. That would be nice."

"I know she'll be very proud of you."

He nodded. "Thanks, Ness. She will be, she always is, no matter what we do. I'm looking forward to seeing her."

Fili smiled fondly into the flames, obviously miles away, before he turned his eyes back to her. “So we will have a month, if that, before you must go. That will give my uncle time to clean up and kick out the elves and men. And begin to arrange a coronation for the spring. And repair Erebor in preparation for the arrival of the other dwarf lords and their folk.”

Vanessa whistled softly. “That’s a lot of work.” She poked the fire again and shuffled away from the heat slightly.

“Dain has more folk on the way, and Amad- I mean- and Mother will be at the head of our people.”

She smiled sadly at him. “It’s fine, Fili. I know that word already.”

“You do? Who’s been teaching you? Actually, don’t tell me. Better I don't know. Anyway, we must have suitable accommodation ready for them. I’m sorry you will miss the coronation. It will be something to see and you and Kili deserve to be here. And I’m sorry that you won't meet Amad. I would have liked to have seen that.”

He laughed at the expression on her face. “I know she would love you as we do. Once she got over her initial shock. I swear to you that I argued for you both to stay, and I will continue to do so. I thought perhaps you could have taken lodgings in Dale. I know Bard would appreciate Kili by his side, but Thorin will not hear of it. Maybe in time.”

She reached up and took his hand. “Thank you. But will Thorin retract anything? I never got the full translation but there was a lot of hurtful things said that I did hear. Kili won’t even take his clasp back, I keep it with me in case we get thrown out again with nothing.” She dug it out from her pocket and showed him.

Fili let go of her hand and took the clasp from her, running his fingers over the metal. “I remember when Thorin gave us these. He made them for us, you know? But no, Ness. Nothing has been retracted. Kili is no longer a Durin. I do think it breaks my uncle's heart to do it, but he feels he must.”

“It's very unfair.”

He nodded as he handed it back to her. “I believe Thorin is doing it on some level to protect you both, although Kili does not see it that way. It is hard for him to take, harder still after all that has happened with Azog and the battle.”

“I had hoped that would make a difference.”

“I just hope he doesn’t do something reckless like accept Thranduil’s offer. He went straight there from our meeting with Thorin and his blood was high. Although Mirkwood is a lot closer than the Shire.” Fili smiled. “I could visit. Kili thinks the were-worm tunnels lead in that direction. He was arguing to keep them open, you know that Thorin intends to collapse them?”

“Surely they lead straight to Dol Guldur?” Vanessa felt her heart give a little thud of panic. An image of Bolg at the head of an army running undetected through tunnels and springing out into the valley, full of vengeance.

“Well, Kili's been talking with Ori and they seem to think that they'll come up somewhere before the fortress. Something to do with air quality and, I don’t even know, I couldn't really follow it. But they’ve convinced themselves anyway. There were diagrams and everything. Kili wants to take a horse and have a look. He thinks they could be used to reduce travel time between Dale and the Woodland Realm. An alternative to the river.”

He grinned at her. “I know, that was the look I had on my face too. Apparently he and Tauriel went exploring. Until she lost her nerve in the dark and insisted they go back, to hear him tell it anyway.”

“That’s because she has a bit of sense.” Vanessa stamped down the little nudge of jealously at the thought of them alone in a dark tunnel. The sign of a guilty conscience, she chided herself, as her imagination helpfully drew vivid pictures of them hand in hand, the wide-eyed elf clinging tightly to her Kili's arm.

She shook her head and reminded herself that she liked Tauriel.

“Don't worry, Ness. I’ll have him thrown in a cell before I let him go. If he was fully healed perhaps, but not in the shape he’s in now. He can barely walk, never mind ride.”

They sat for a bit, lost in their own thoughts, passing the bottle between them.

“So it’s the Shire for us then.” Vanessa looked up at him.

“It’s very far, but maybe that’s for the best. Just for a little while hopefully. It'll be nice for you both to stay with Bilbo for a bit, and it will make me happy thinking of you all snug and safe in Bag End.”

“Driving Bilbo slowly up the walls. Will you be able to come and visit? Or we could meet you somewhere halfway?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I hope so. I’m not sure how much freedom I'll have now. Although, like Bilbo said, we'll need to make sure we get out of the mountain from time to time.”

Vanessa looked at him, pleased he'd given her an opening.

So we are going to talk about it, she thought. Good. Because you need to start by explaining to me exactly what you told that nosy hobbit. “Yes." She smiled at him. “Although you seem fine. I don’t think you need to worry.”

“Do I?” Fili laughed a little. “That's good. Because I'm really not fine. I’m struggling even being this close to you. All I want to do is reach out and take you in my arms.”

He dropped his eyes and they both watched his fingers trace slowly over the arm of the chair. Her heart began to beat a little faster.

Fili shifted in the chair and looked up again to meet her eyes as he stilled his hand. “I shouldn't say this. It's cruel and disloyal and once I truly believed that I was neither of those things.”

He took a deep breath. “But I can’t stop thinking about you. I want you like I want nothing else in this world. It's like an ache, deep inside me. I can still feel your lips on mine, the taste of-”

Stopping himself with a rough shake of his head he smiled at her ruefully. “Anyway. Never mind any of that. I was relieved when Bilbo explained that it’s the sickness in the mountain that is causing my behaviour. That it has been magic and not something either of us can control that has twisted the correct and proper love I have for you as a sister, as my closest friend, into something so wrong and dark.”

“Fili.”

“But I need to ask you, on Ravenhill, did you tell me-” He stopped himself and she held her breath. “No matter. I had not thought to survive the battle, Ness. I was prepared.”

“Fili, you mustn't-”

“I had expected the next time I saw my brother would be in the halls of our fathers. I had planned to apologise for my betrayal, beg on my knees that he forgive me the unforgivable. Instead I awoke to find I'd been given another chance.”

Vanessa's heart pounded faster, she licked suddenly dry lips. "Another chance?”

He nodded.

It was panic, Vanessa decided, unable to breathe. This must be what a panic attack feels like.

“Yes. To make things right. I thought I knew what I needed to do, I was resolved. I just needed to speak to you properly first, because I had made you a promise, but then you seemed so fragile I thought it would do no harm to wait a little.

"And...I wanted more time with Kili, just a little longer as one of the people he loves most in the world before I broke his heart. I know how selfish that sounds, but I always feel I can be honest with you and you won't judge me."

Vanessa opened her mouth but nothing came out.

“But then Bilbo spoke with me, and he too counselled me to keep our behaviour secret and I was forced to reconsider everything. Before he spoke with me I had been feeling terrible. Terrible that, no matter that I knew what I had done to you was wrong, and no matter that the guilt was crushing me, that I was unable to stop betraying my brother every day in my thoughts. And again every night in my dreams.”

She concentrated hard on the slow rise and fall of his chest, tried to match her breaths to his and calm herself, gather her scattered wits. She needed to stop him, take control.

He took a deep breath. “In my dreams where you come to me and I make you mine.”

Fili paused, sounded a lot less confident as he continued, “Have you...have you perhaps felt the same, Ness?”

Taking a large drink and choking a little Vanessa tried to consider the question from all possible angles, very aware of the silence stretching between them. She felt like she'd lost the thread of his thoughts a little.

She did however feel certain that he had taken them into very dangerous territory and she had no idea how to get them back.

Desperately she tried to centre herself, turning away and muttering about the fire, fussing with it whilst she searched for the words to ask him how much exactly he'd confessed to Bilbo.

That would be slightly safer, she felt. Slightly. Until she had a better grip on things.

It would be much easier to concentrate, she thought, if my heart would just stop trying to hammer it’s way clear out of my chest.

“Tell me about your dreams.”

She jolted, caught off guard. Turning slowly she met his eyes, intently watching her.

“Sorry, that isn't fair of me.” He leant to lift the bottle from the floor between them. “I think perhaps I should tell you of mine first.”

* * *

A heavy thump at the door disturbed them. Vanessa leapt to her feet, suddenly needing to run. She wasn't sure where to.

Fili grasped her hand to stop her. “Wait, it could be anyone. Let me.” He stood and pushed her behind him, making his way to the door as it swung open and Kili and Bard fell through it.

Firelight caught on the edge of a knife she didn’t even realise he was holding as he put it away.

“Brother!” Kili threw an arm around Fili. Vanessa winced as they hugged, but both were grinning at each other happily.

“Hello, Bard." Fili clasped forearms with Bard as Kili wriggled free and made his way to her, wrapping his arms around her tightly. His weight knocking her off balance.

“I think I'm a bit drunk,” he whispered loudly. “Thranduil had wine.”

“And we still have some." Bard grinned. “I think he gave us some bottles to get rid of us.” He pulled a bottle from each coat pocket. “No idea how these didn’t get broken.”

“We fell over,” Kili explained, grinning happily at her.

“More than once,” added Bard.

Vanessa led Kili over to a chair, shaking her head but smiling, it was nice to see him so happy. “Well then, perhaps you should sit down before you fall down again.” She squeaked as he pulled her down with him.

Fili offered Bard the other chair but he shook his head and dropped down to the rug with a grunt. “I’m fine here. Closer to the ground is better.” He uncorked one of the bottles and took a drink, offering it to Fili.

“You were both with Thranduil all this time?” asked Vanessa.

“He sent for me,” explained Bard. “I think you'd been in there a while, Kili?”

Kili nodded into her neck.

“So I was with Bain when one of the guards came with a message to come and drink wine. That was it. The entirety of the message. Bilbo told me to go and enjoy myself, he's with Bain and Tauriel is with the girls.” Bard smiled fondly. “I think they've adopted her, poor thing. She has no idea what she's getting herself into.”

“Have you agreed to anything?” Fili looked concerned as he passed the bottle to Vanessa.

Kili lifted his head and shook it carefully. “I don't think so. I thanked Thranduil for his offer and I was honest and told him I was hoping for a reconciliation with Uncle Thorin. So the offer still stands. He says I've got a little while before I'm too old to be any use to him.”

He kissed her neck and smiled up at her, taking the bottle from her hands. “So we could end up in Mirkwood yet, Ness. We'll see how we go.”

“Or in Dale, that offer still stands too.” Bard settled himself back against the fireplace. “I’ll see you right.”

“Thanks Bard.” They clinked bottles as Bard flicked the cork from the second bottle across the room and took a long drink.

* * *

Vanessa glanced over at the guards, they didn't look amused. Not surprising really, considering they were working and being forced to listen to the drunkards tucked into a sheltered corner of the ramparts.

Reaching forward she lifted another piece of bread from the plate, in an attempt to soak up some of the wine. She leaned back against Kili’s leg as he ran his fingers up and down her spine and told them a story about their first trip as guards for a merchant caravan.

Fili had been the one who decided that they needed to leave the room and get something to eat, and something to drink that wasn’t wine.

Sensible really, since he had promised to join Bard for the daily meeting with the other leaders.

He should probably stop drinking though, she thought, watching him laughing as he dropped his pipe for the third time in as many minutes. Thorin wasn't going to get much sense out of either of them.

She pressed her fingers to her lips as she looked up at the stars above them, bright against the black of the cold winter sky, and fretted quietly whilst the others laughed.

* * *

“You can’t both leave the mountain. I had thought we were clear on this.” Dwalin hefted the spear that everyone bar Fili had accepted would be used as a walking stick for a crown prince later. He pointed it at Kili. “You're staying here.”

“Not a prince, Dwalin.” Kili adjusted the bow across his back. “So who’s with me, then? Ness, I know you are. Bilbo?”

Bilbo nodded.

“And I'll come with you.” Legolas ran lightly down the steps and joined them. Vanessa didn't miss the nod he exchanged with Fili behind Kili's back.

With promises to meet the others later in Dale they set off for Ravenhill.

* * *

Vanessa pressed the face covering tighter as they poked about in the ashes.

“What are you looking for?” Legolas called from his spot sensibly upwind.

“Bilbo lent me a ring and Azog took it from me.” Kili flicked a bone away with his foot. “It should be here.”

“It must have melted.” Bilbo picked his way gingerly across to Legolas and hopped up on the wall beside him. "Never mind, Kili. Thank you for trying.”

Kili worked his way back to where they'd found Azog's metal arm. He knelt and sifted through the ash again.

“What sort of ring?” Legolas handed Bilbo a waterskin as the hobbit tried to brush the ash off his toes.

“The creepy sort.” Vanessa kicked up a puff of ash and realised her mistake too late. She coughed. “I just breathed that in. Oh god, I’m going to be-”

“Not half as creepy as your shadows. And you can just leave those behind in Erebor by the way.” Bilbo smiled up at Legolas. “I’d rather not open my pantry door in Bag End and find those horrible things swirling around. Have you seen them?”

Legolas nodded. “When I was visiting the healing rooms. What are they?”

Vanessa shrugged as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve before replacing the face covering. “I can taste...ugh. I don't know what they are, the last link to my world perhaps? But they used to be worse. Didn't they, Kili? They used to talk. And I think there's less of them. Gandalf thinks his friend might be able to help. Radagast. The one with the big rabbits.”

“I don’t see how it’s not here.” Kili stood and cast around again. “Someone must have taken it.”

Bilbo laughed. “It was a big pyre, Kili. I could see the flames and smoke from down in the valley.”

“I’m a dwarf. I know the melting point of gold.” Kili completed another wider circle around Azog’s remains. “It’s not by the river where he fell. It’s not in the pyre.”

“It could have fallen in the river?” suggested Vanessa.

“Perhaps. We’ll check again.” Kili looked up at Bilbo. "I’m sorry.”

“It was only a ring after all.” Bilbo shrugged. “Just a trinket, hardly precious.”

Vanessa saw Kili look at Bilbo sharply.

Probably tired and sore from trawling through bits of orc for hours, she thought.

“It made some people invisible,” she explained to Legolas. “I expect it's lost to the river. We would have heard about it by now I'm sure if someone had found it.”

“A magic ring,” said Legolas. "A shame to lose such a thing, but Bilbo is right of course. It is only a bauble, not important. What is important however are those storm clouds gathering over the eastern spur.” He pointed. “So are we heading back to Erebor or into Dale?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for reading the story so far! That's us into the final chapters now.


	62. One more than anyone knows about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A kiss to last a lifetime.

A run of bad winter storms kept Thranduil longer than he had intended but at last the elven host was ready to depart.

Kili and Vanessa leaned over the ramparts and watched as the Elvenking began to take his leave of Thorin and Fili. Vanessa sneaked a look sideways at Kili, trying to work out how upset he was. She longed to reach across and take his fingers in hers but there were others on the ramparts. Instead she rested her head on her arms.

It's probably one of the worst kept secrets in Erebor anyway, she thought.

Bard had travelled up from Dale for the occasion, Bain wrapped up well against the cold and standing tall at his side. She smiled, she'd told Fili that she wanted a full description the first time Bard got all dressed up like the King he was. With pictures.

The wind stole Thorin's words away before they carried as far as the ramparts, but Vanessa didn't miss the angry mutters from the dwarves surrounding them as Thranduil graciously accepted the sparkling white gems of Lasgalen.

She took the opportunity to shuffle a little closer to Kili, he glanced at her and smiled sadly.

She looked back down, more speeches now by the looks of it. Her eyes rested on Fili, standing behind Thorin at his right hand, looking resplendent and every inch the golden Crown Prince of Erebor. A big difference to the early hours of the morning when they'd been gathered with Legolas, Tauriel and Bilbo in his royal chambers, playing raucous drinking games. She smiled, remembering the laughter.

Worth it, she thought. Even if her head was still pounding unmercifully and Kili looked a little tight around the eyes.

Standing on her tiptoes she leant further forward and looked down, trying to spot Bilbo amongst the dwarves. The elves could hold their drink preternaturally well but Bilbo was about the same tolerance level as her. He was bound to be green and dying, she thought. Seeing him trying not to throw up all over his curly-haired toes would make her feel much better. She felt a hand on her belt as Kili pulled her back.

More mutterings amongst the dwarves, she'd missed something. Kili put his lips to her ear and whispered that Thorin had bowed to Thranduil.

Honestly, she thought, attempting to keep her face smooth, it was beyond ridiculous. Without Thranduil and his elves things would likely have gone very differently. And not just at the battle. There were still bodies in the cold rooms awaiting burial and there would have been many more without Thranduil's healers.

Stubborn and stiff necked doesn’t even begin to cover it, she grumbled to herself. She wondered who was responsible for persuading Thorin to hand over the gems and incline his head ever so slightly to the Elvenking. Gandalf, she reckoned, or maybe Fili. Over the past weeks he and Thorin had been closeted together more and more often. The king and his heir, and Kili left firmly out in the cold. Kili had assured her with a small smile and a shrug that he was used to it, and that he didn't mind, but she was still annoyed on his behalf.

And then, with some final words from Thorin, again stolen by the icy wind, it was over. Thranduil and Legolas mounted their horses gracefully.

Vanessa felt again a little pang of sadness for the magnificant, brave elk, lost in the battle. They'd never found Gandalf’s brave horse either, the poor thing.

Scrubbing at her eyes which were watering in the wind she watched as Thranduil gave the order to move off, sure she'd seen him glance up towards them. The dwarves around them started to disperse, back into the comparative warmth of Erebor. Almost a dwarven stronghold once more.

She nudged Kili gently. “Are you all right?”

He nodded. “It'll be us next, I suppose.”

Vanessa looked around, almost alone now. She reached across the stone and touched his fingers, strapped tightly by Oin after Kili at last admitted that he’d partially lost feeling in his left hand. Tauriel was cautiously hopeful that it would return. But she and Kili were spending a lot of time together working on possible bow designs and adjusting his archery technique in case it didn't.

Allegedly.

Vanessa didn't like to think too much about that. Guilty conscience, she reminded herself sternly.

She stroked her thumb lightly across his knuckles. “I’m sorry.”

He tore his eyes away from Fili and Thorin as the pair walked back toward the gate. “You need to stop that. I made my choice. And I haven’t changed my mind.” He pushed himself up from the wall. “Come on. Let’s go see what Fee's up to now.”

* * *

“Fili.”

“Don’t you go getting emotional on me again, Ness. We dwarves aren’t good with tears, you must know that by now surely.” He smiled at her, looked suddenly a little anxious. “Do you like it?”

Vanessa nodded, too choked to speak.

“Will I put it on you?”

She nodded again and he lifted the fine, golden chain from her palm. Turning she closed her eyes as he twisted her hair and swept it out of the way over her shoulder. Fingers lightly brushing the sensitive skin at the nape of her neck as he fastened the clasp.

“I know we don't have the winter traditions of your world, but I wanted you to have one present at least.” As he took her by the waist and turned her back to face him she opened her eyes. Taking a shaky breath she watched as he unlaced the ties of her shirt with practised familiarity, stroking a finger slowly along her collarbone until it touched the jewel delicately suspended beneath the hollow of her throat. “Beautiful, Ness.”

She held her breath as he leaned forward and lightly pressed his lips to the spot where the pendant hung. Her skin burned at his touch.

“It's a new start for you. You can put all this, us, behind you.” He laced her shirt and placed his hand flat over the ties.

Vanessa opened her mouth to reply but the tears started again instead. “Oh, for...sorry, sorry. I can't...”

He hushed her, brushing away the tears with his fingers and holding her close. “No, I'm sorry, I didn’t intend to upset you. It may not be goodbye forever, I certainly hope not.”

Vanessa wrapped her fingers tightly around the pendant and tried to get a hold of herself. “I'll treasure it,” she managed eventually. “I'll never take it off.”

“Don't be a fool." Fili smiled gently at her. “Gold is currency, remember? This will buy you a decent pony and enough supplies to take you halfway across the world, if you're careful.

“And although I do hope that sometimes you'll touch it and think of me a little, I don't want you to hesitate to trade it, not even for a moment. It's only a necklace, a token. It's not my heart.” His voice became stern as he shook a finger at her. “Keep it hidden when you are with strangers, others will know it's worth. Promise me.”

“I promise." Vanessa managed a smile, lightly slapping his finger away as a grin crept over his face and his eyes sparkled. “So there's no need to growl at me. And I'm not a fool. No matter how many times you call me one.”

“I know.” Fili slid his fingers into her hair and touched his forehead to hers. He looked into her eyes, the smile fading as he became serious again. “Remember what we talked about, about independence. Kili will protect you and keep you safe but there is no certainty in this world. Don't forget your letters. And if you need me then send me a message, just like we practised, and I will come and find you. Wherever you are.”

“You can't-”

“I can. I will. No matter what else we have been to each other I'm your good friend first and foremost. I would do anything for you.” He dropped to one knee and she had a brief moment of panic, tinged with something else that she didn't have time to identify. “Give me one of your boots.”

“What?” She grabbed his shoulders for support as he tugged her boot off.

He stood and showed her a tiny blade, before tucking it away behind the boot buckle. Taking it out again he slid his finger through the hole in the hilt so it stood above his finger like a claw. “I pray you never have cause to use it, but I'll feel better knowing you have it. I've been searched for weapons by elves, orcs and even by Dwalin, who should really have known better, this past year and not one of them discovered it.”

He handed her the blade with a grin, “Always one more than anyone knows about, Ness.”

Vanessa turned it carefully in her fingers. The firelight caught on carved runes. She squinted and brought the blade closer so she could see them properly. “I can't take this.”

“You can, it was made for me and I'm giving it to you. Put it away so I can see you've done it properly and get your boot back on.”

He made her draw and hide the blade away several times before he was happy. Then wrapping an arm around her shoulders he tucked her in close and led her across the bedroom. She could hear the laughter of the Company and just about make out Bofur’s voice raised above the rest, muffled as it was by the thick door. Some good natured argument in progress.

I want more time, she thought sadly. A day, a night. A hundred years.

“I'm going to miss you so much." Her voice wobbled and she swallowed hard.

Fili stopped as he reached for the door handle and turned her to look at him. Frowning slightly he wiped her face with his thumbs. “What did I say about tears?” He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. “I'm going to miss you too, more than you'll ever know.”

Her heart pounded as he kissed her tenderly. I should stop this, she thought as her back touched the door and his thigh parted hers.

“We mustn't...” she whispered against his lips, an echo of every time they'd come together. Pretending innocence until one or the other found themselves pushed against a wall, or a table, or more often tumbled into his bed. Hands and mouths mapping every inch of each other's skin. Desperately snatching at every opportunity to steal moments together as time ran out.

Vanessa had lost count of the number of times they'd sworn to each other that it was the last, and each time they'd meant it. They'd left a trail of breathless, broken promises scattered all over Erebor. And now it really was over.

It wasn't enough, she realised suddenly, and yet it had to be. There was no other way.

She'd caught the look in his eyes often enough, distracting him with a kiss or giving him something else to do with his mouth whenever he began to tentatively speak of other futures. Other futures where he gave up everything for her.

Goodness knows she'd considered it herself, swept up in his arms she'd concocted elaborate fantasies where it was something more than the grubby affair that it was. That they were meant to be and it would last forever. She’d always managed to talk herself down. The many reasons why it would never work. They would be truly alone. Thorin, Kili, the Company. It would break everyone's hearts. And there was the risk that, ridiculous though it still seemed to her, Bilbo was actually right and away from the gold of Erebor their feelings would fade. She would have to be enough for him.

It was too much responsibility. It was all too terrible to contemplate.

So it had to end.

And crucially, and above all else, they both loved Kili. She couldn't imagine a life without him by her side, it upset her to even think about it. Bad enough as the guilt was for her, she knew that in time it would destroy Fili.

“We mustn't,” he murmured in agreement as he kissed her again, pinning her firmly to the door. Without thought she moved in response to the heat building within her, pressing herself tightly to him as he moaned low in his throat and hardened against her.

“I know this is wrong,” he whispered between deep kisses as her hands slid under his clothes, over warm skin now as familiar to her as her own, “but I can't bring myself to regret a single moment that I've spent with you. Not one.”

Raised voices and more laughter from the other side of the door brought them slowly back to their senses. Vanessa buried her face in his neck and held on tight.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered.

He hushed her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I'm sorry too. It's the strangest feeling, Ness. I've never felt guiltier in my whole life, it's tearing me apart. And yet this last month with you in my arms...I've been so happy.”

Vanessa nodded, unable to speak.

“We should join them." Fili placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her head from his shoulder, kissed away the tears that escaped when she blinked.

She felt him take a breath against her skin.

“Kiss me, Ness,” he whispered as his lips parted hers. “One more kiss to last me a lifetime.”

* * *

“Fee,” called Kili from his spot on the floor. “What have you done to her?”

He held out a hand to her as they walked over to join him, pulling her down onto his lap. Fili settled himself on the floor beside them and accepted two mugs of ale from Bofur. He handed her one as Kili stroked her face and exclaimed about her red eyes, kissing her.

“Put her down, Kili. You're in public," said Balin. “Come here, lass, and give me a look.”

Vanessa scrambled to her feet again, Kili taking her ale, and crossed the chamber to Balin. He tugged the necklace out from under her shirt and took an eyeglass from his pocket. She stood and waited while he examined the necklace carefully, Dwalin hanging over his shoulder. Finally he nodded and smiled past her to Fili.

“Good work, lad. Very fine. Very fine indeed.”

Fili saluted with his mug of ale as she turned to stare at him.

“I believe Ness may have thought you found her present lying on the floor of the vault, brother.” Kili grinned at her as he nudged Fili with his shoulder. “Did you not think to tell her?”

“Oh, she’s away again.” Bofur laughed from his chair by the fire. “Here, come over and give me a look at it before you cry all over it, lass. I didn't get to see it finished.”

* * *

Vanessa was just finishing tightening the straps on Kili's pack as the door opened. She stood and went to him, wrapping her arms around him as tightly as she could.

“I’m fine, I'm all right,” Kili whispered, his voice thick as he tucked his head into her neck and returned the hug, squeezing the air from her lungs.

“I know." She rubbed his back and kissed his temple. “I know you are.” Her fingers caught on something, she ran them down the braid hidden amidst his hair.

Kili lifted his head and smiled weakly. “It’ll fall out before we're out of the valley I expect, Fee's braiding is terrible. I really don't know how he's going to manage without us. He'll be a scruffy mess within days.” He showed her the elaborately carved bead at the end of the braid, stroking his thumb over the script. “This means brother. He gave me some others too but I can’t wear them yet.”

She kissed him hard, trying to take away the sadness. He smiled at her when they broke away and touched her face gently, looking around the room.

“Is that us all packed then? Did you remember to check under the bed?” He took her hands in his as she nodded. “I’ll help you down to the gate. Who are you riding with?”

“Tauriel. Bilbo’s with Gandalf.”

“That’s good. She'll look after you. Thorin wants to see me so I’ll have to leave you earlier than I thought. Do you need to say any more goodbyes or are you all done?”

My heart can’t take saying any more goodbyes, Vanessa thought, as she shook her head. He kissed her cheek and released her, gathering up the packs and slinging his bow across his back.

* * *

Fili lifted his chin and squared his shoulders. He wasn't expected to speak, and Thorin had explicitly told him not to. Several times. There was nothing further to be said anyway. His eyes drifted over the group in front of him. He'd spoken with everyone, no-one had been forgotten. He listened with half an ear to Thorin's flowery speech as his eyes were drawn back to Ness.

She looked distraught, her head bowed as she stood by Tauriel at the back of the group. His arms ached to hold her, comfort her. Bundle her away and keep her with him, safe from harm. He pushed the selfish, traitorous thought away. His brother and Ness would be as well protected with Elrond and his motley company as they could be anywhere in Middle-earth.

Last night, wrapped tightly in his brother’s arms, skin on skin as they had always used to do, Fili had imagined that he would sleep deeply. Instead he had dreamed terrible dreams. Dreams of Bolg lying in wait on the borders of the Shire. An ambush in sun-dappled woods. Kili pinned to the ground and overpowered. Ness screaming.

Fili had gasped his way awake sometime before dawn, the sweat breaking on his skin and his hands shaking badly as the memory of her scream rang in his ears.

Beside him Kili had been startled from his slumber. Drowsily he had attempted to soothe Fili with kisses and soft words, smoothing fingers through his hair. Fili had closed his eyes and accepted the comfort, holding his brother closer still as his pounding heart slowed and he pretended to fall back to sleep.

Fili didn’t put much store in foresight, magic elvish mirrors being the exception, but the dream had been so vivid and unnerving that he had dressed and sought out Gandalf immediately after Kili left his bed.

Gandalf had looked into his eyes and promised that he would stay by Kili's side until Bag End was in sight. Remembering well the wizard's habit of disappearing to attend to mysterious matters Fili had made Gandalf swear on everything and anything he could think of.

The wizard had humoured him.

Smiling kindly he reminded Fili that Legolas had searched for weeks and been unable to trace Bolg. Therefore Gandalf felt the orc was likely licking his wounds in Gundabad, if he were even still alive. Either way he would be far away from Kili's route to the Shire. Patting Fili's shoulder Gandalf said that the orc armies were scattered to the winds, beaten into submission for now. It would be many years before they would have the strength or will to rise again, the wizard had declared confidently, perhaps never.

Fili had nodded and pretended to be reassured but he was far from it. Bolg was a worry. Fili wanted the orc's head.

He realised he was frowning and smoothed his face, he could feel the eyes of Dain's dwarves on both him and his uncle. Every move he was making scrutinised and noted to be analysed and pulled apart later. His fingers played over the hilt of a knife in his belt before he stilled them.

The fallout after Thranduil's leave taking had been severe and, Fili felt, out of proportion. Thorin had come in for a lot of criticism. Some of it even to his face. It showed a worrying lack of respect so early in his uncle's reign. It was an affront that could not be borne. Balin had counselled Thorin to move swiftly against his detractors but as yet Thorin had not made a decision on a course, believing that the imminent arrival of the dwarves from the Blue Mountains would shift the balance and make things right again.

Fili had assumed the Arkenstone returned to it's rightful place in the throne room and the Raven Crown settled firmly on his uncle's head would be enough. He yet hoped that it would be enough. It would be too cruel to be otherwise after all they had been through to get this far.

Elrond was speaking now, more pretty words of friendship between races. Fili let the elf lord's words wash over him as his eyes settled on Bilbo. The hobbit smiled back at him. Putting on a brave face, Fili thought. Bilbo had made much of his yearning for his home but Fili felt certain the hobbit was also drawn to stay in the mountain.

He had waited a long time for Bilbo outside his uncle's chambers that morning until the hobbit had appeared, visibly upset. Taking Bilbo aside and away from prying eyes Fili had held him tightly until the hobbit felt a little better. They had talked and before they parted ways Fili offered Bilbo a generous portion of his share of the treasure, to pay Kili's living expenses in advance until his brother found his way. But Bilbo wouldn’t hear of it.

Fili thought he'd at least persuaded the hobbit to invoice him regularly. The Shire would be on the trade route between Erebor and the Blue Mountains, he was sure he could arrange payments to be left at an inn. He'd think of something.

The wind tugged hard at his braids and his thoughts turned to his brother, not even permitted to attend this stiff, formal farewell. Fili understood his uncle's rationale, even agreed with it to a certain extent, an attempt to quash rumour and keep Kili and Ness safe from those who would treat their union as an abomination.

But it still hurt. And it hurt Kili. His fingertips brushed over the familiar, comforting shape of the runestone in his pocket.

Lord Elrond was speaking directly to him now, Fili realised with a jolt. He had missed it entirely.

The Elf lord must have understood. He bowed as Fili swore furiously to himself.

“Farewell, Prince Fili.” Elrond repeated, his voice kind. “Until we meet again.”

Fili inclined his head as far as Thorin had instructed him to, and no further, and began his memorised formal farewell, a little distracted by Ness finally raising her eyes to his.

His heart beat faster as she gave him a small, brave smile and he imagined he saw her eyes shining in the wintery sunlight. Her eyes only for him. Fili had trawled the vault looking for the perfect stone to match those eyes. Rejecting one after another, none of them quite right. He’d spotted it at last.

When he'd shown it to the others and asked their opinion Balin had been scathing, shaking his head and dismissing it as little more than a common piece of quartz. Pretty, but soft and worthless in comparison to the other gems that littered the treasure chamber.

However, Kili had agreed with him and to Fili no-one else's opinion mattered, not really.

The colour of a stormy sea, his brother had said with a smile, do you remember? Fili had nodded and smiled in turn. He had thought the same, remembered watching the winter storms rage across the Gulf of Lune, Kili by his side. The other half of his heart.

Balin had rolled his eyes as the pair of them smiled at each other and valued both the stone and the gold, marking up the withdrawal in the ledger against Fili's share.

Happy with his choice Fili had found himself a space in the busy forges and set to work. Carefully cleaning and cutting the stone into pieces, shaping a chip to set within the little pendant that rested now against the soft skin of her throat. A matching piece hidden inside the new ring on his finger. The remainder of the stone safely stored amongst his things, in case he had need of it later.

Fili stared back at her and hoped she knew his innermost thoughts. He had whispered it to her once as they had lain together, slicked with sweat and finally sated upon his bed, the flickering firelight playing across their tangled limbs. Fili had ran his fingers along the soft skin of her upturned arm and she had smiled at him, and in that moment he had everything. His heart had overflowed with happiness and the word he’d been holding back fell from his lips by mistake, thankfully hidden in Khuzdul.

She had shook her head, confused, her unbound hair fanned across his arm. “I don’t know what that means.”

“I think you do,” he'd said boldly, secretly pleased that she hadn't heard it before. He had touched her face, running the pad of his thumb gently over her lips before he kissed her. Pushing away the inner voice telling him that he was wrong to even think such things, never mind say them, and that he had stolen a moment that wasn't his to take. For how could it not be right, he had told himself as his hand cupped her face and he swept away the ever present guilt that threatened to crush him. How could his feelings be wrong when she fitted to him so perfectly? As if she had been made just for him.

But she had panicked a little and distracted him from his thoughts. Breaking away from his kiss she had hurt him deeply by holding his face, looking into his eyes and telling him that she could never be his and he could never be hers. She had begged him in an urgent voice to remember that it was only the gold sickness making him feel this way. That none of it was real.

That it had never been real.

He had smiled and lied to her, promising her that of course he understood. That it had been only a sweet word, nothing more than that. Completely without meaning.

She had stared into his eyes for a long moment, searching. Fili had looked back at her as innocently as he could, knowing as he did that it was likely useless. She could always tell when he was lying to her.

As he had opened his mouth, fully intending to confess, she had kissed him. The words that had been on the tip of his tongue slipped away as her hand slid between their bodies, taking a hold of him and stroking him back to hardness. He warmed at the memory, despite the cold wind.

She had waylaid him as he had walked away from Bilbo that morning. Deep in thought he had been surprised and pleased as he turned a corner to see her step purposefully out of the shadows, her face determined as she took a hold of his sleeve and pulled him into a dark chamber. He remembered thinking that she didn't usually venture so close to his uncle's rooms.

Despite the very real risk of discovery he hadn’t once thought of resisting, glad of one last, unlooked for, chance to say goodbye.

She hadn't let him speak, her mouth on his before the door had properly closed. Breaking apart so she could fumble with the door and whisper curses at the lack of a lock.

He had smiled and stroked his fingers through her hair as she turned back to him, her eyes almost black in the darkness. Touching the stone at her throat lightly with his fingertips he had suddenly felt a wave of sadness.

So absorbed in committing her face to memory he hadn't realised that she had reached to undo his belt until it hit the floor, the clatter loud in the quiet room. Her eyes had gone wider still and she'd shushed him as if it had been his fault. They’d waited a few heartbeats, listening hard. Staring at each other, although he knew she couldn't possibly see him in the low light of the chamber.

He had closed the distance between them and kissed her hard, pressing her firmly against the door whilst she adjusted their clothes just enough and wrapped a leg tightly around his waist.

For all the times they'd kissed against the various stone walls of Erebor Fili had never realised that this was a possibility. As he lifted her other leg around his waist, and firmly ignored the tugging sensation from the half healed wound in his chest, he found a moment to wish he'd known before.

Muffling her soft cries with his mouth on hers he had made to set her down as he felt his own release building. Shaking her head Ness had only clung to him tighter, her lips against his neck as he came hard, stifling his own moans as best he could.

His hair lifted in a strong gust of wind and he realised that he had forgotten to check that she hadn't marked him, like she'd done before. He pulled his hand back as it moved of it's own accord to touch the spot beneath his ear.

She had wriggled out of his arms and straightened her clothes after he had finished. Then kissed him with a smile and slipped out the door like a shadow. Albeit a noisy one. Fili had stayed behind in the chamber for a little while, feeling a bit stunned. As he tidied himself up he had realised they hadn't spoken a single word to each other.

He thought he might still be a bit stunned.

There was so much he had wanted to say, and now there was no more time.

But maybe it was for the best, he thought as he looked past Lord Elrond, drinking her in as he finished his formal farewell and Thorin took over as planned. Maybe there was nothing more that could or should be said.

And then, whilst he was distracted, and long before he was ready, it was all over. Fili watched, bereft, as Beorn lifted Ness up onto the ridiculously tall horse and helped Tauriel mount behind her. Tauriel taking the reins and speaking gaily to the bear, two who were beyond happy to be leaving the mountain behind.

Ness didn’t take her eyes from his, looking over her shoulder and leaning past the elfmaid in a silent farewell, as their horse turned and joined the others.

On instinct he looked to his brother for comfort and suddenly found he couldn't breathe. The realisation that he wouldn’t hold Kili again striking him like a physical blow to the chest. Fili locked his knees, forced himself to stay upright.

Bilbo turned and waved to them from his seat in front of Gandalf but Fili couldn’t move to return the gesture. He could see some of the Company waving enthusiastically. Ori and Bombur pale and fragile looking but up from their sick beds for the occasion. His head spun.

A touch on his arm and he turned to find Thorin looking at him, concerned and more than a little angry.

Fili looked back at his uncle in bewilderment, unable to hear anything over the pounding in his ears, certain that his heart was breaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lengthy chapter, it just kept growing in editing. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Fili's little knife is a gift from his mum. I felt that if Dis gave Kili a runestone before they left for Erebor then surely she must also have given her eldest something. 
> 
> If you're interested I have a one shot called 'The Present' which tells the story of Dis giving Fili the knife on their last night together.


	63. Ready for another adventure?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New arrivals.

Nori gathered up the cards as the sound of elvish voices raised in song and hooves striking against stone drifted to them on the breeze. Dwalin clasped Kili's forearm and pushed himself up to standing, pulling Kili with him up and into a hug.

As he leaned into the crushing embrace, tucking his head into Dwalin's neck and wrapping his arms tightly around his waist Kili wished he'd hugged Thorin goodbye.

They'd stood stiffly apart in the privacy of his uncle's royal chambers and said their farewells. Thorin had made one last, almost perfunctory, attempt to persuade him to abandon Ness and that had been it. Kili, his heart in pieces following his final goodbye to Fili, hadn’t been able to close the distance between them, fearing rejection. Instead he'd held himself tall, like the prince he had used to be, and silently begged his uncle to stop speaking to him as if to a stranger. To step forward and take him in his arms.

Dismissed, Kili had stood alone in the silent antechamber with the heels of his hands pressed tightly to his eyes for some long moments, gathering himself before he had to rejoin the hustle and bustle of Erebor.

Secretly some part of him had also wanted to linger on awhile, listening hard for the rush of heavy boots and the sound of his uncle's private study door opening. Hoping against hope for the feel of strong, familiar arms around him, to be pressed tight enough to hurt against a wide chest and for his uncle to stroke his hair and whisper that, despite everything, he was forgiven. That he was still loved.

The study door had remained closed.

As if reading his thoughts Dwalin spoke, his voice thick, “He loves you, lad.” A heavy hand gripped the back of his neck as Dwalin pulled him until they were face to face. “He mightn't have shown it much lately but he does. More than ten mountains full of gold. Don't let it poison you.”

Kili smiled as best he could. “Look after them for me, Dwalin. I’m trusting you to keep them safe.”

“Of course. We all will.” Dwalin pressed their foreheads together and rubbed his neck comfortingly.

He hugged Nori hard when Dwalin released him. “You'll do just fine.” Nori smiled at him warmly as they drew apart. “Better than fine. Be sure to write as soon as you get settled. Let us know you're safe and well.”

Below them on the rocky valley track the elves came to a halt in a jingle of harness and laughter, their song ending. Kili quickly swiped suddenly wet eyes with the heel of his hand, exchanging grins with the others who were doing likewise. Footsteps approached at speed and Ness barrelled into them with a loud sob, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist.

Whilst she hugged and wept all over Nori and Dwalin he gathered up his weapons, suddenly feeling exhausted. Slinging his bow over his shoulder and forcing a smile onto his face he held out a hand to her.

“Don't give her any more knives,” he said as he watched Nori tuck a throwing knife into her boot. “She’ll be worse than Fee by the time you’re all finished.”

“Who are you both riding with?” Dwalin frowned down the hill to the assembled horses. “We should have got you your own mount. It’s not right.”

“I'll ride with Ness, of course." Kili felt himself cheer up a little as Dwalin frowned at him, confused.

A fine drizzle started as he walked hand in hand with her down the rocky slope to join Elrond’s company, Dwalin and Nori following behind them. Elrond caught his eye and nodded toward a large, riderless horse.

Releasing Ness with a quick kiss to her wrist Kili tugged the hood of her cloak up over her damp hair and made his way over to the horse. Waving off Beorn's offer of help he took a hold of the reins and led the beast over to a large rock beside the track.

You are not going to be lifted into the saddle like a dwarfling, he muttered to himself sternly as he climbed onto the rock, threw the reins over the horse's head and adjusted the nearside stirrup. The elves had already shortened it but he gave himself a moment to fuss whilst he readied himself. It would be beyond embarrassing to not manage it on his first try.

Ready, he fitted his foot into the stirrup, took a firm grip of reins and pommel and sent a silent plea to the large animal to behave itself as he swung himself into the saddle with more confidence than he felt. Adjusting the farside stirrup he waved Ness over, the placid horse barely flinching as she hopped up onto the rock. Bracing himself he pulled her up in front of him onto the wide saddle, ignoring the sharp warning twinge in his back as he helped her get settled securely against his chest.

He'd get something from Tauriel for the pain again later if he needed it, Kili thought. He'd taught her a little Iglishmêk so that they could communicate privately when they needed to on the road, hopeful that the dwarven sign-language at least might still be a secret from nosy elf lords and wizards.

Kili smiled a little, remembering Thorin and Fili’s shocked faces when he had shared with them Thranduil's revelation that the Elvenking understood Khuzdul. Their horror had been nothing compared to Balin's however. Kili had taken a swift hold of his tutor's arm as the blood had drained from Balin's face. Certain he was about to swoon.

It would have finished Balin off, Kili felt, had he confessed to teaching an elf not only Iglishmêk but also Black Speech. Even if that elf was Tauriel, who everyone seemed very fond of. So Kili had decided it was for the best to keep those secrets to himself for the time being.

Tauriel had been disapproving when he'd initially asked for her help, but with a little work he'd persuaded her. She loved learning the orchish language and the lure of a new one, and a dwarven one at that, along with his declaration that he was doing it anyway, with or without her help, had proved too much for her to resist.

He'd recognised the taste of some of the pain relief draughts that she'd given him, Kili suspected she had been more than a little light fingered around the healers, but some of the concoctions were new and powerful. The new draughts made him forget all his hurts and worries. He'd drift about Erebor happy and painfree, smiling agreeably at everyone before collapsing into bed and sleeping peacefully through the night.

They'd had a few blazing rows when she'd refused to give him what he felt was enough of those particular ones. 

With Tauriel on his side it had then been a battle to persuade Gandalf and Lord Elrond, not to mention Ness, that he was well enough to travel and crucially ride unassisted. A wagon had even been discussed seriously and at length, to Kili's horror.

They really had left him with no option but to declare that he was fully healed and force him to rely entirely on Tauriel's help. He'd assured everyone who would listen that he was healed and discharged himself completely from the medics. Oin had argued otherwise, even pleading for Fili to intercede and muttering darkly about long term ramifications, but Kili had been insistent. His brother had known he was lying, of course, but Kili knew Fili understood. There was only so much a dwarf's battered pride could be expected to take.

So now that he had his horse and had gone to so much trouble to convince everyone that he was fine Kili had no intention of proving otherwise. He didn't look at the wizard, sure he could feel those sharp, knowing eyes on him.

Aware he was perhaps showing off ever so slightly he turned the big animal in a tight circle, an arm around Ness’s waist to hold her steady. His back straight and his head high. She twisted in the saddle to look back at him as he preened a little, taking a moment to enjoy the impressed looks on Dwalin and Nori's faces. Nori grinned up at him.

That'll give them something to talk about on the way back to the mountain, he thought, feeling happier.

“No tricks, you.” Ness smiled up at him. “I’ve never got over the last time you took me out for a ride.”

He smiled back and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Ready for another adventure, Ness?”

* * *

She kicked the pony harder but it was no use, the beast had nothing more to give.

The mountain was tantalisingly close now, just a little further along the banks of the Long Lake and they would be at the mouth of the River Running.

Dis looked back at her guards, all the ponies lathered and blown. Useless. Perhaps one of the lighter laden pack ponies would be in better shape. She raised her hand to call a halt.

“A good idea." Molir dismounted stiffly and stretched, attempted to hide a groan from her. “Dusk is nearly upon us. We'll do that, Dis. Don’t be troubling yourself, take a rest.”

She glared at him as she continued to strip the packs from the sturdiest pack pony, dropping them to the ground. “You can take a rest, I’m not stopping here.”

He turned from directing the others and stared at her. “No.”

Dis ignored him as she pulled the saddle from her mount and threw it on the pack pony. It whinnied unhappily and twisted, attempted to bite her. She slapped the velvety nose hard and pushed it’s head away.

Bad enough the captain of her personal guard was being insubordinate.

A gauntleted hand grabbed the reins. “No. Dis. No. We are not going up there tonight.” Molir kept his grip on the reins but lifted his other hand from her sleeve and apologised before he continued, “I know you’re anxious to get there, we will leave before first light. I promise.”

He paused and, she felt, pushed his luck a little. “You know I’m right, Dis. We haven’t come this far and ridden this hard to be shot at by our own kin in the dark.”

With that he pulled the pony firmly away from her and she glared after him, furious, as he made his way through the rapidly set up camp. Her eyes swept across her other guards, all suddenly very absorbed in their tasks. No-one met her eye. Realising she was grinding her teeth Dis turned and stalked towards the bend in the river, ignoring the soft footsteps behind her. Molir sending someone with her in case she got into trouble metres from camp.

She snorted, fingers brushing across the hilt of a throwing knife in her belt. If only.

Stopping at the river mouth she knelt to wash her hands in the fast flowing water, deliberately taking her time. Letting the icy water cool her blood. Taking a final deep breath she pushed herself to standing and turned to face the mountain. The closest she had been to it since she was a little dwarfling.

The jagged peak stood large and looming at the head of the valley, silhouetted against the rapidly darkening sky. Dis had felt certain that she would recognise her home but it was still unfamiliar, even now they were so close.

Sometimes Dis felt like it had all been a dream. A pretty dream of a cosseted little princess growing up in a vast, beautiful mountain kingdom. Gold and jewels beyond measure. Bright, clean stone passageways, miles upon miles of them. Warmth and light and huge, bustling kitchens filled with cooks who would make her anything she desired. Never hungry, never dirty, never cold. Her clothes never patched or torn.

Molir hadn't let her look back on that last day, tugging her along the stone passageways, no longer bright and clean but filling with dark, poisonous smoke. And once, she recalled, bright orange tongues of fire. He had swept her up, although at ten she had been long past the age of needing carried, and told her in a stern voice, so unlike him, to close her eyes. A big hand on the back of her head holding her face tight against his neck and covering her ears as he ran. His throat cording as he shouted for Frerin to pick up his feet, to run faster.

Dis remembered being jounced hard against his chest. Her chin bruising against his mail and with a braid ornament trapped uncomfortably under the soft skin of her cheek. The sound of boots striking stone, her brother coughing, and above it all the screams and a terrible roaring.

It had filled her dreams for many months as they travelled the wilderness.

Perhaps being closer will trigger some pleasing memories, she thought. She knew, because they'd told her, that she would have visited Dale many times as a dwarfling. Dis was hopeful she might recognise her home from there, although she wasn't sure the little princess had ever paid much attention. Too excited by the prospect of a trip to market on the way to the city, and too absorbed in new toys and treats on the way back. It was difficult to separate actual memory from wistful fantasy but Dis thought she recalled the Dale market.

She turned away to look out across the lake. They had stopped the ponies to stare at the remains of Lake-town as it came into view through the mist. Molir wondering aloud, his voice sad, what had happened. He alone amongst them old enough to remember the town of fishermen. The others had speculated and voted, agreeing to go closer and investigate. Dis had overruled them all, reminding them, once again, that they were not in fact out on a picnic outing as she urged her exhausted pony onward, giving them no option other than to follow.

She stepped closer to the shoreline. The sand closest to the water oddly blackened. Dis reached down and touched the sand, fingers coming away greasy and smeared grey. Rubbing her fingers she turned as her guard knelt to scoop a mouthful of water into his hand.

“Gimli, no!” she called out to him urgently, raising a hand.

The lad jumped to his feet, weapon drawn. Turning to scan the area as she approached him.

Dis smiled. “No. I meant, don't drink the water. Not yet.” She looked up the valley, along the closest bank of the river. “We'll check it's clean first. Come with me.”

They didn't have to walk far upriver before they came across the bloated body of a warg, wedged between rocks against the bank. Axes in hand they approached cautiously but it was long dead and there were no tracks.

“It must died further upstream,” she said to Gimli, as they examined it. Tugging an arrow from its haunch, Dis stood deep in thought and looked at it worriedly for a while, then back up to the mountain before turning downstream toward Lake-town.

“This is an elf arrow, is it not?” Gimli turned the arrow in his hands as they made their way back to the camp. “I remember Kili-"

He fell silent the way they all did when they accidentally said one of their names. As if they thought she wasn't thinking about them every moment of every day. Gimli cleared his throat and shuffled his feet a little. “What happened here?”

Dis shook her head, the message from Thorin had been infuriatingly short. Only that the mountain was theirs and that Dis should gather as many of their people as wished to come.

She understood that the message had passed through many heads, both bird and dwarf, before reaching her, but he could have added a line about her boys. Just a line. Even a few words would have been enough. A year of waiting for news had felt like a hundred. Hoping that one of them would sneak a message home, even though she had made them promise not to. She had been so certain her Kili would have disobeyed both her and his uncle and sent word.

A long year of catching glimpses of them only to turn and be disappointed. Seeing their faces everywhere she looked, no matter how much she told herself that it was impossible. That they were half a world away from her.

But no longer.

Tomorrow, she thought, I’ll see them tomorrow. And I am never letting them go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have read that you're not supposed to bring in a new character towards the end of a story. 
> 
> But I couldn't help myself. So I've brought in three.


	64. Are you still mine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Homeward bound.

Gandalf travelled with them until they reached the woods on the outskirts of the Shire where they camped an extra night, not quite ready to say goodbye to the wizard.

Sitting in companionable silence around the roaring fire, not as necessary now that the evening temperatures were increasing, Kili pulled her in tight to him. Vanessa tried to relax back against his chest as he wrapped an arm around her, his fingers resting lightly on her stomach as he poked at the fire with a stick. His chin on her shoulder as he stared into the flames, lost somewhere in his own thoughts.

She watched as Gandalf and Bilbo sent smoke rings across the clearing. Gandalf’s glowing different colours and chasing Bilbo’s down before coming back to settle over his head. The multitude of different coloured rings floating above his head mixing with the firelight and lighting his face in very strange ways.

Bilbo huffed out a breath as another of his smoke rings failed to make it out of the clearing. “So Gandalf, where are you off to next?”

“Oh, you know. Here and there.”

“Very secretive, I’m sure.”

Vanessa smiled to herself as they talked on, Bilbo pressing Gandalf for an answer. It's been months, she thought, give it up, Bilbo. He's not going to tell you.

Letting their voices wash over her she looked up at the tree above them, bursting with life. Spring left well behind on the road. The coronation has most likely taken place by now, she thought as her fingers drifted to touch the little stone at her throat. Erebor will be full of life too.

I wonder if he has found someone yet.

She had whispered to Gandalf when they first arrived in Rivendell, asking if perhaps he could check with Elrond if anything had been heard about Dis's arrival. Or any news at all from Erebor, no matter how small. She told herself that she was hoping for something to tell Kili that might rouse him. Gandalf had just looked at her, amused, and asked her why she thought Thorin would share news of private dwarven matters with the elf lord.

Only then had it occurred to Vanessa that they just mightn’t hear anything, ever. Fili and the others had promised to write, but if Thorin ruled against it they would have no choice but to obey.

She’d been in a bit of a bad place for a few days after that. It had taken Bilbo to snap her out of it with a stern reminder for her to behave herself and not upset Kili any further.

Vanessa sighed as she rested her head properly back against Kili's shoulder and stared up into the dark leaves, rustling gently in the light evening breeze.

It had been a long journey, hard on all of them but it had really taken a toll on him. He’d appeared to manage well when they were on the road to Mirkwood, kept busy with guard duties so he had plenty to occupy his mind. Vanessa suspected Elrond’s hand in that and she was grateful. They had travelled with Elrond as far as Thranduil's halls. The Elvenking seemingly more than happy to host them over the winter, insisting that they stay until the spring. With the temperature dropping it had seemed sensible to stay rather than risk the mountain passes so they had taken him up on his offer and settled in.

Kili was kept busy, joining Legolas on patrol during the short, dark days and attending the endless feasts and merrymaking at night. And if you hadn't been paying attention, Vanessa felt, you would almost have thought him happy.

She’d watched him carefully as the days in the Woodland Realm turned to weeks, watched the smiles that never quite reached his eyes.

Meeting with the families of the elves who had given their lives on the road to Ravenhill had taken a lot out of him. On Kili’s request Thranduil had arranged for the private audiences and she and Bilbo had stood solemnly with him as he’d met each of them and offered their thanks and condolences.

Vanessa had massaged his fingers at night when they ached after he'd hunted all day. She worried about his back as he tried to pretend he wasn't in pain and watched him as he slumped exhausted, with the light draining from his eyes, as soon as they were alone. She had comforted him as best she could when his terrible dreams jolted him awake throughout the night and waited somewhat patiently for him to let her in. All the while knowing that she wasn't the one he needed or wanted.

It had been difficult for them all. Vanessa tried to stay upbeat for his sake but the Yuletide and new year celebrations the elves claimed to have arranged for Bilbo were a struggle. More than once she found herself tearing up for no apparent reason. And she even managed to burst into loud, hiccuping sobs in front of a shocked Tauriel as they had sat talking together about nothing of consequence one evening on a balcony far above the feasting hall.

She still didn’t know what had caused it.

In the end it had been Tauriel who came to Kili one evening after dinner and begged apologetically that they leave before full winter trapped them completely in the Greenwood. It had been a long fall from Captain of the Guard to banished and although Thranduil had rescinded the banishment Tauriel was finding it just too difficult to be in her old home. Vanessa had gone with them to the library and watched as they pulled out maps and discussed the safest route to Rivendell, their next intended stopping point.

But before they were ready Beorn had forced their hands. Seeking Vanessa out one crisp afternoon as she sat on the bridge outside the main gate awaiting the return of Legolas and Kili he told her in no uncertain terms that he intended to leave the following day. Explaining that he had missed his own usual Yuletide celebrations and tarried away from his animals for far too long. He'd extended an invitation for her, Tauriel and Bilbo to join him and left her standing open-mouthed and staring after him.

Tauriel had worked a small miracle, persuading him to stay just a little longer to allow them to take their leave politely, and talked him into begrudgingly extending his invitation to include Gandalf and Kili.

By the time they had finally extricated themselves and made their way along the elven road to Beorn’s they found themselves firmly in winters fierce grip. Even Kili had agreed that they would need to wait out the worst of the storms in Beorn’s halls rather than travelling on.

Beorn had been a generous host to them, insistent that she and Tauriel take his own private chamber whilst the others slept in the stables. Vanessa had protested of course but it was no use and worriedly she watched the shadows darken under Kili's eyes and the silences between his words lengthen as the winter wore on.

Beorn hadn't meant to be cruel. He just didn't know that Kili was unused to sleeping alone, or that since Ravenhill he was struggling to rest properly. Vanessa knew Kili would rather go mad from sleep deprivation than admit either of those things to anyone, even her. So she would carve out time with him whenever she could. Smuggling him away from the others into one of the freezing wooden outhouses and curling up together in sacking or straw like two mice.

It seemed to help. She would tell him stories once they were settled in. Any old nonsense she could think of. Half remembered film plots, fairy stories. Describe every step of the route from her mother's house to her primary school. Memories of helping her granny prepare a Sunday roast. Anything. Telling him to close his eyes and not to interrupt she'd talk and talk, stroking his hair gently and waiting for his breathing to slow and deepen as he drifted into sleep.

Sometimes he'd ask for the same story again, it always made her smile the ones he wanted repeated. Vanessa knew she wasn't the best storyteller, they always changed as she forgot some bits and remembered others, but he seemed content enough and he got a little rest and that was all that mattered in the end.

The winter had dragged slowly on, and despite all of their best efforts tempers inevitably frayed the longer they were trapped together in the hall. They had all been relieved when finally the weather improved just enough to allow them to leave. Vanessa absolutely certain that it would only have been a matter of time before either Kili or Beorn snapped completely and attempted to murder the other, and only a matter of time before she, Bilbo and Gandalf stepped back and let them do it.

Tauriel had offered to come with them when they left but it had been half hearted, taken as she was flitting about Beorn's woods and hall. Vanessa wasn't quite sure what was going on, but Tauriel had promised to come and visit them in the Shire, perhaps later in the year. Maybe Bilbo would weasel any secrets out of her with cake and tea.

Vanessa snorted, making Kili jump. He smiled at her and went back to watching the dancing flames.

And then maybe they’re just friends, she told herself. Not everyone’s like you. That thought made her a little sad. She missed him so much. She missed them all. Bofur had promised that they would try and get an excuse to visit the Blue Mountains and that they would call in at the Shire. But she’d forgotten how far it was. They were an entire world away from her.

He was an entire world away from her.

She missed not hearing his voice. She missed the curve of his smile, and the gentle nudge of a solid shoulder against hers when he told her a joke. She missed the way he would frown a little when he concentrated. His endless patience as he adjusted her grip on a sword, or a quill, or explained a row of maddeningly similar runes to her for the hundredth time.

She missed the sound of his laugh, and the feel of the fine, broken hairs at his temples under her fingertips. In that place where his braids were tightest. She missed the way his breathing would hitch when she kissed the sensitive skin of his stomach, and his disapproving look that he thought he hid from her when she said something he considered appalling.

She missed the sound of his heartbeat so strong and steady under her cheek when he held her close and made her feel safe.

She missed him so much it hurt. And then some days it hurt that little bit less and that was even worse. Those days she felt like he was fading from her already and that scared her.

Trailing her thoughts away before she started crying again Vanessa instead recalled her relief as they had left Beorn's house behind them. Beorn and Tauriel had escorted them to the southern edge of his land before they said their final goodbyes, leaving them to travel on first to visit with Gandalf's friend Radagast who lived scarily close to Dol Guldur and then onwards to Rivendell.

She’d liked Radagast, she thought. He was a bit frightening and did a lot of staring and head tilting at her but he seemed nice enough. They’d stayed with him long enough for her shadows to catch up with them again, and the two wizards had spent long hours poking at them and smoking their pipes, talking in low voices.

They were no further forward. Apparently they would think more about it. Both had patted her head repeatedly and told her not to worry, so Vanessa suspected that was probably the last she'd hear about it. She had hidden her smile as she broke the news to Bilbo and promised she'd do her best to keep them out of his pantry.

Kili's mood had improved again with travel and by the time they were negotiating the treacherous mountain passes around Rivendell he seemed almost back to his usual cheerful self. Albeit briefly.

Rivendell had stirred up memories for all of them. Vanessa saw him wherever she went and she knew Kili did too.

* * *

“You need to talk to me.” She'd asked him to walk with her after dinner, out across the grass where the elves danced and on into the woods. They'd climbed in the darkness, Vanessa stumbling and cursing over the occasional hidden roots, until they had at last arrived in a clearing far above Elrond's halls.

Panting a little from the exertion she had pulled him down with her onto the grass and he hadn't resisted. He turned his eyes from the stars to her as she continued. “We can't go on like this, Kili. You need to talk to me. Or if not to me then to somebody. Bilbo. Anyone. I don't care who. And if you're opening your mouth to tell me again that you're fine then you can think again by the way.”

He shut his mouth with a click and a small smile.

“Look, there's something I want you to try and I think it'll make you feel better. I should have thought of it before. Get up.” She scrambled to her feet and pulled him after her.

“Ness, it's late and-"

“Stop it.” Vanessa turned him unresisting to face the valley and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her head into his back. “You're angry and you need to get it out.”

“I'm not-"

“Of course you're angry. How can you not be? And sad, and a whole load of other emotions. You're grieving and there's a whole process to go through and I'd like to try and help you, if you'll let me.” She squeezed him a little tighter, mindful of his back as he stood stiff and silent. “I'm no therapist but I've done some sessions and one we did about was anger and they got us to just yell it out. Honestly, you will feel so much better, and it'll be a start at least.”

Kili twisted in her arms and looked down at her.

“I'll do it too. We're far enough away. Probably. No-one will hear us. Turn around so I don't scream in your face. Are you ready? As loud as you can, on three.”

They listened to the echo across the valley. Vanessa glanced up at him, feeling like she might have gone a little deaf. That had been louder than she'd expected. He was looking thoughtful.

“Any better?” she asked hopefully as she let go of his waist.

He shrugged. “Should we do another?”

She counted them down and again they listened as the yells faded away.

“I think maybe that did help a little." He turned to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

Vanessa wound her arms around him and froze as his fingers touched the necklace at her throat.

“When you said we couldn't go on...I thought for a moment you were going to say something else." His eyes found hers. “Are you still mine, Ness?”

Vanessa thought her heart might actually have stopped. He knows, she thought as her mind skittered wildly. Fuck.

“I know I've changed. I know I'm not the same dwarf you fell in love with and I'm sorry.” He looked down at the little pendant, rolling it between his fingertips, a frown on his face and sadness in his voice. “And I know-”

“I love you.” She cut him off, not wanting to hear what else he thought he knew. Desperately she pressed her lips to his. “It’s always been you. It will always be you.”

She could have cried with relief as he responded, his fingers falling from the necklace as he pulled her roughly to him.

“I'm yours,” he whispered to her. His voice husky between hard kisses. "I'm yours if you want me, Ness.”

Vanessa nodded against his mouth, her heart beating hard enough to hurt as their fingers worked quickly at laces and belts, kicking boots off and tumbling together to the grass. She had a brief moment of worry that someone would come looking for them but it quickly disappeared as he trailed hard, bruising kisses down her throat.

“I want you." She arched her back and felt a wave of relief as she heard him moan against her in response. A hand wrapping tightly around her thigh as he pulled her to him. She kept her eyes on his as much as she could and tried to ground herself with her hands wrapped tightly in dark hair and her lips against his skin as he buried himself in her.

“I'm yours,” she whispered against him, her heart still beating far too fast and feeling a little close to panic as he growled in response and thrust himself to a hard, fast climax, his fingers stroking her to join him.

To her relief the second time was gentler, more loving and less possessive, and she told herself that he couldn't possibly know as he whispered sweet words in her ear and kissed her tenderly.

Wound around each other and with her heartbeat returning to something a bit closer to normal she ran her fingers along his hip, annoyed with herself that she hadn't realised before. “You've lost more weight.”

He pulled her hand to his mouth and pressed his lips to her palm, hushed her.

“I know it’s hard but you need to try and eat, and sleep. We need you.”

“And I need you. You're all I have, Ness.”

“I think Bilbo would be very upset to hear that." She took a breath, deciding. “And anyway that's not strictly true.”

“I know. I know I'll still be able to write to him, and I know things could have been a lot worse. I know all these things and I tell myself them all the time. But it just won't be the same. I'll just have to get used to it in time, and I'll just have to get used to being the only dwarf I suppose. It's strange, before last year I only really knew my own kin and now I'm-”

Vanessa forced herself to interrupt him, although she felt bad about doing it when he was actually talking. But it was past time he knew, and she knew she'd only bottle out again. She’d failed more than enough times at saying it already. “You might not be the only dwarf.”

“Perhaps, I expect there will be dwarves in Bree but it won't matter. Thorin said I'm not to...” He tailed off and lifted his head. "Ness?”

* * *

She wished she'd put aside her own feelings and told him a little sooner when she saw the difference it made to his spirits. He still suffered from terrible dreams and low moments, but then they were all a little melancholy from time to time. Even Bilbo, who was sometimes so overly bright and enthusiastic about going home to Bag End that Vanessa found herself looking at him sharply, certain he was lying.

She'd asked the hobbit about it once. Partially because she was nosy, but mainly to distract him from trying to teach her a set of runes that she could never, ever see herself using.

He'd blushed and stuttered a bit and she knew she had him. “I knew it! I knew you were being unnaturally happy.”

“Ness." He was recovering quickly. “Of course I'm happy to go home, but of course I'm going to miss our friends. You can't spend every day with folk for a year and not miss them.”

“Of course, I completely agree.” She grinned as he busied himself fussing with the quill, muttering about her being too heavy handed with it. "Anyone in particular you're missing? A little bit more than anyone else, perhaps?” She thought she knew, but she was quite interested to see if he'd say it out loud.

“I could ask the same question of yourself,” he said snappishly.

“Well, you could,” she replied pleasantly, enjoying herself. “But it would be a waste of breath when we both already know the answer. And anyway we weren’t talking about me, we were talking about you.”

She watched him bang and fluster about a bit. “Go on, Bilbo. Tell me. Or should I guess?”

“No, you should not guess and I will not tell you. And I'll thank you to keep your sticky paws out of my business if you don't mind.” His face fell and she suddenly felt really terrible for upsetting him. “Anyway," he said, "nothing can or ever will come of it so it doesn't matter.”

They sat in silence for a while before she mumbled an apology.

“It's fine. I'm sorry for snapping at you.” He smiled a little. “I think we all just need to get home and settled down. How are you anyway?”

She shrugged, realised she was chewing on a fingernail and stopped.

“Do you think he knows?” The question had fallen out before she'd been able to stop it. She stared at Bilbo, a little stunned that she’d actually said it out loud.

“I shouldn't imagine so, he-” Bilbo stopped as he glanced up at her. “You mean Kili. Of course you mean Kili. Oh, no. Ness.”

“Don't judge me.”

“Of course I'm going to judge you,” Bilbo glanced toward the open window and scooched his chair closer, lowering his voice. “You did stop after we spoke, didn't you?” He clapped his hands over his ears, horrified, “You didn't. How far did...? No, don't tell me.”

“We couldn't help it. Like you said, it was the gold sickness. We-”

“Don't give me that. When did it stop?” Bilbo glanced at her throat, the pendent hanging above the neckline of her borrowed elvish dress. “Oh.”

She stared at him miserably. "I'm so worried.”

“He doesn't know, you fool. Of course he doesn't know. You would know if he did. Poor Kili.” Bilbo looked at her sharply. “Are you thinking of telling him? Because I'm not so sure that's a good idea. You'll destroy him, and he's doing so much better now that-”

She watched anxiously whilst he put it all together.

“No, Ness. No. Please tell me that there isn't a chance-”

“How do I find out? Is there a way?”

“How would I know?” His voice had gone a little high pitched. “Maybe Gandalf-”

“I can't ask Gandalf!” She'd gone a bit high pitched herself, “Please, you have to-"

They jumped apart as the door opened.

“Sorry, Bilbo. I'm stealing your student away,” Kili smiled happily at them both. “I promised to teach you to shoot. It's a fine day for it. Go and get changed and let's show these elves how it's done."

He held a hand out to her and looked at Bilbo with concern. "You should come and get some fresh air too, Bilbo. You're looking very pale."

* * *

"Are you sure you won't take any of the troll hoard, Kili? Ness?” Gandalf's voice snapped her out of her thoughts, she felt Kili lift his head.

“No thanks, Gandalf. It all belongs to the Company. Thorin made it very clear that I have no claim.”

“Well, Bilbo has given me some of his share. Not that I don't deserve a share, I played my part in the quest and so did you. And we are far from Erebor now.” Gandalf puffed a smoke ring toward them. “You will have expenses, Kili.”

“I'll find work.”

Vanessa didn't need to turn to know what expression would be on his face. She placed a hand on his and he took hold of her fingers, stroking his thumb across her palm.

“Kili." Gandalf looked stern. “You can accept a little help. There's no shame in it. Thorin has been very-"

“I am accepting help. Bilbo has offered us a place to stay.”

“A home, Kili.” Bilbo smiled at him. “I've offered you a home. There's a difference.”

She felt Kili nod as he continued, his fingers tightening on hers. “And I am very grateful to you. Thank you. I will earn my keep and you will not have to support us for long, I promise. Then I will pay you back, every coin.”

Bilbo shook his head and waved at the chests near the horses. “That's really not necessary, but I'll not argue with you tonight.” He tapped out his pipe. “Will you not come with us tomorrow, Gandalf? It'll be market day, we could go on to Bywater, leave Elrond's horse at the inn and get some provisions. You're more than welcome.”

“Very kind of you, Bilbo.” Gandalf chuckled. “But I've tarried long enough and if I get my feet comfortably under your table then who knows how long I'll stay. No, I’ll leave you in the morning, but you may see me again by and by.”

* * *

Gandalf was as good as his word, leaving them once they were almost within sight of Bag End. They waved him off. Kili held her a little tighter as she wiped at her eyes and sniffled quietly.

“Do you need a hug too, Bilbo?” He grinned down at the hobbit.

Bilbo looked up from his pony. “Do you know, I think I’m fine just now. But I can't promise that I won't get a little emotional when I finally get sitting down in my own armchair.”

“Well, I’ll save a cuddle for you until then.”

“That's kind of you." Bilbo smiled and lifted the reins. “Right. Last little bit now. Let’s go home."

* * *

Kili leapt to the ground first and held his arms up to her. “Careful, Ness.” He caught her with a grin and a kiss as she slid from the horse's back.

“What's going on?” she asked as they watched Bilbo standing open-mouthed at the gate.

“Maybe they knew he was coming home?” Kili looked at her. “Gandalf might have sent ahead. A welcome home party?”

“Doesn't look much like one.” Vanessa looked up the familiar steps as Kili securely tethered the horse and the pack pony to the fence. From her spot on the lane she could just see Bilbo's front door lying open and it looked like there was a lot of activity inside. It certainly sounded like there was a lot of activity inside. Lots of voices. A hobbit pushed past Bilbo and ran up the steps with barely an ‘excuse me’.

There were a few hobbits milling about at the top of the steps and looking at them curiously. She pulled her cloak tighter around herself, despite the warm weather.

“I don't believe it." Bilbo turned to them, his pony's reins falling from his fingers. His usually cheerful face furious. “Can you believe it?” He ripped a paper from the gate and stormed over to them, shoving it into Kili's hands before he stomped back to the gate.

Kili glanced at her before heading down the row, following the path of Bilbo's escaped pony. It hadn't gone far and Vanessa watched Kili's eyebrows rise as he read, one-handedly pulling the pony’s head out of a neighbours flower bed before dragging it back towards them. Handing the paper to her he tied the unhappy pony to the fence with the others.

She stared at the runes before shaking her head. “I can get the date I think.”

He came to stand beside her, read it aloud as he pointed to the marks. Out of the corner of her eye Vanessa could see Bilbo changing colour, his fists clenching and unclenching before he flung open the gate with a crash and stomped up the steps.

“Auction?” she said to Kili when he finished.

He nodded as they heard very unhobbitlike raised voices from inside Bag End. Vanessa bit her lip to stop a smile.

Kili looked up with a frown. “Who's been teaching Bilbo Khuzdul?” He handed her the paper. “Let’s get you settled and I’ll go in and sort this out.” He led her by the hand through the gate and up the steps.

Someone's been looking after Bilbo's plants for him anyway, Vanessa thought, looking down the tidy garden as Kili towed her along to a bench in the shade of a neatly clipped hedge.

“Will this be all right or would you rather be in the sun? You have been in the sun for a good few hours already this morning so I do think shade would be best. Unless it's too cold?” He settled her down onto the bench, waited for a response. “Do you need water or anything? I’ll be as quick as I can.”

“You're fussing again.” She smiled at him. “I'm not an invalid, I'll not come to any harm sitting on a bench in the Shire either in sun or in shade, I promise. Go help Bilbo before he takes a kitchen knife to someone. He's not the same hobbit who left Bag End last year.”

Bilbo appeared at his front door, gesturing angrily at someone inside. Throwing people out by the look of it. She couldn't make out what he was saying over the other voices. So much for respectability and the Shire being quiet and peaceful, she thought, smiling. Where did we leave our mild mannered hobbit?

Kili looked over his shoulder towards the door and turned back with a grin. “Time to start earning my keep.” He knelt and kissed her. “You two behave yourselves until I get back.”

She watched as he walked to the door, the other voices dropping away as he took his place at Bilbo's shoulder.

“And as you can see...”

She heard Bilbo finish with a flourish.

“-I am most certainly not dead. Now kindly get out of my house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter to go and we're all done. I can hardly believe it.


	65. Are you happy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending.

Dis clapped and smiled with the others as the trio of musicians bowed and left, the next set moving forward to take their place. As she lifted her glass to take another small sip of the fine elven wine she looked out from the royal dais across the crowded banqueting hall and watched the representatives from all seven clans as they gathered together in celebration.

The day had gone completely according to plan. Dis nodded in satisfaction, pleased that they had made the decision to wait out the ferocious winter storms and allow time for the dwarf lords and their kin to make their journeys in the milder spring weather.

Thorin was absolute ruler now. Crowned in splendour in front of all the clans he would be beyond question or challenge. None would dare. Dis felt certain of it, no matter Thorin's own gloomy thoughts on the matter.

Her eyes sought out her son in crowd and found him deep in conversation with one of the Broadbeam heirs. She couldn’t recall the lad’s name, there were few of them and they all looked remarkably similar. She watched as Fili laughed heartily at something the older dwarf said, the golden circlet catching the torchlight.

She’d settled the band on his head that morning as he had sat quietly in front of her, head bowed and hands clasped tightly between his thighs. Dis had studied her work critically from all angles, fingers under his chin to tilt his head back.

“I might braid it on,” she’d said finally. “There will be dancing and it wouldn’t do if it fell off.”

He’d smiled at her then. "I wouldn’t trouble yourself, Amad. Uncle Thorin has told me that I must be seen to speak with all the lords and their close kin. I'll be far too busy for dancing.”

She had set the circlet carefully to the side and started to undo the braids, watching carefully as his head bowed again, eyes drawn back down to his hands where she knew without him needing to show her that he held Kili’s runestone.

“I know today will be hard on you.” Dis began to comb out his hair again. Separating and smoothing the familiar curls with her fingers she watched his broad shoulders tense, the heavy muscle visible through the light fabric of his under shirt. "I think of him too.”

She was relieved to see him filled out again. Plentiful good food and hours spent at the forge and at the training yard putting all his bulk back on and more. It pleased her to see his body healthy at least, although she wished she could be as confident about his mind.

As she sectioned off the next braid Dis thought back to standing in his chambers the afternoon of her arrival. Ignoring his protests she had made him strip and show her every scar, every mark Erebor had left upon his skin. After she had fully inspected him and ran her fingers over the visible ridges of his ribs she had kissed him and left without a word, unable to trust herself to speak. Shaking with anger she had stormed to Thorin’s chambers and screamed at her brother in an impotent fury until she was hoarse and spent. The sight of her eldest boy so thin and pale and broken had hurt her heart in a way she didn’t think was possible.

To find out that she’d missed her Kili on the road by little more than a day had nearly destroyed her.

Once she'd finished with a frustratingly silent Thorin she had gone in search of Molir and given him a piece of her mind too. Ticked off on her fingers every single wasted moment since he had first handed her the message back in the boys bedroom in the Blue Mountains. He’d taken it with irritatingly good grace and she had apologised a few days later when her blood had cooled a little.

She had yet to apologise to Thorin.

Just as Molir had promised they had ridden hard up the valley that first morning, starting before the stars had fully left the sky. The path had taken them along the fast flowing river and toward the city of Dale. On their way they had discovered other corpses stuck at points in the river and they had stopped and debated whether to push them off and send them down to the long lake, or leave them be. They'd settled for dragging them out of the river.

The orcs and wargs had been left for the scavengers. Hastily built cairns and quick prayers were all they could spare for the others. A mix of dwarves, elves and men.

As they had approached Dale at speed, and filled with a growing sense of dread, Molir had kicked his failing pony forward until they raced shoulder to shoulder. Shouting above the sound of pounding hooves on stone he counselled her to stop and speak a few words with the guards on the southern gate, but Dis would not hear of any further delays, not when they had been so close.

Putting her heels to her ruined pony she had pushed them on past Dale without slowing and onward along the final stretch or road, between the greasy stains left by what could only have been huge pyres. Dwarven voices had bade them stop as they approached the gate, Molir calling to them to announce her. Dis heard none of it, deafened by the pounding of her heart as the makeshift gate slowly opened and she stared ahead into the dark depths of the mountain. Riding her pony forward she dismounted once they were inside.

Her feet had barely touched the stone when a familiar voice called out her name. Dwalin, looking thinner, older and so much more careworn than he had only a year before, ran to her down the steep steps from the ramparts above the gate. He had folded her into his arms in full view of the entire gatehouse, royal protocol thrown aside, and held her tightly. Pressing his forehead hard to hers and telling her with a catch in his voice that she was a sight for sore eyes.

Surprising herself by how calm she sounded she had asked him to take her to them. Dwalin had led the way in silence, broken only by the ring of boots on stone.

Dis remembered thinking that Erebor was vast beyond imagination as she followed him along walkways and down dark corridors, crossing shadowy spaces lit by dim torchlight. The smell of dust and something else in the air.

None of it familiar to her.

At last they had arrived at a gilded door and Dwalin had patted her hand kindly before hammering on the heavy wood. Footsteps from inside and she had held her breath, feeling suddenly beyond exhausted and on the verge of tears. A cry of joy from Balin as he had opened the door. He’d thrown it wide with a shout and Thorin had swept her up and into his arms, lifting her inside the chamber. Dis had buried her face deep in his furs, fighting for control of herself. Lifted her head from her brother’s shoulder she looked across the chamber and saw him.

And Dis had known then, without needing to look around the chamber, that she would not see her Kili. She read it in the deep bruises of shadows under his eyes, and in the grief etched across his face.

Wrenching herself free from Thorin's arms Dis crossed the room and gathered him to her. Forced herself not to fall to her knees and howl as she pulled his head down to her shoulder. He had gripped her too tightly, his fists bunching in her cloak as he whispered apologies into her neck.

Thorin had joined them as Fili's back heaved with the first silent sob. She pulled him closer still as he shuddered, hushed him like he was her little dwarfling again and looked to her brother. “Can I see him?”

Thorin had shook his head, the grief written on his face too, she now realised. “I'm sorry, Dis. He's not here.”

Dis had nodded, swallowed past the painful lump in her throat. She knew well what could happen to the fallen.

Closing her eyes she said a silent prayer that he had been already gone to his rest, past all hurt, before the wargs had found him. Her brave boy. She felt hot tears on her neck and pressed a kiss hard into Fili's hair before turning back to Thorin.

“You found nothing?” She kept her voice low.

A horrible thought occurred to her then. A nightmarish vision of her youngest alive and carried away as a prize by orcs. He would have been wearing the Durin crest, they would have known him and his worth. Death would have been less cruel.

Dis blinked the images away and looked at Thorin sharply, holding Fili to her. An arm around his head as if she could cover his ears and prevent him hearing what she had to ask. As if it wouldn't have already occurred to him, as if it wouldn't fill his dreams. Her heart ached for him.

“It's not your fault,” she whispered into his hair, pressing another hard kiss on him as she felt him shake his head. Of course he has blamed himself, she thought sadly, her poor boy. He will never forgive himself for not being by Kili's side at the end. For not falling first.

Dis closed her eyes for a moment and took as deep a breath as she could manage, feeling the tears threaten. It is a blessing, she had told herself sternly, it is beyond terrible but still there is a unlooked for blessing, if you only have the will to see it. Dis held her boy tighter, for she still had one and there was the miracle. She had always believed that if one fell then the other would follow. That they would go together, shoulder to shoulder in death as they had been in life, to Mahal's Halls.

His adad will look after him until I get there, Dis swallowed past the painful lump in her throat. He won't be alone.

She needed to ask. “How do you know he is gone? Are you certain?”

Thorin had stared at her, his brow furrowed. She had felt a sudden urge to shake him.

“No. Dis, no, you misunderstand me." He had reached out and touched her shoulder gently. “Did you not get my message?”

Dis dragged herself out of her memories and painted a bright smile on her face as Fili made his way across the hall to her. He kissed her temple before taking his seat by her side and stealing a large mouthful of her wine. They watched the dancers in companionable silence. Dis noting with interest that he seemed to be tracking one dark haired couple in particular, a small smile on his face.

“You have done so well today. I'm very proud of you.” Dis smiled at him as he glanced at her before turning his attention back to the dancers. “Can I ask you something?”

He turned to face her. “Of course. You can ask me anything.”

I can, thought Dis, but will you answer? “Are you happy?” She studied him as she watched him choose an answer. His fingers running along the edge of the table and picking at a notched section.

“We have won the mountain and defeated a dragon. I am alive and a prince, how could I not be happy? We have more wealth that we could spend in a thousand years. This is all we have dreamed of.”

“That's not an-"

“I know it's not.” Fili smiled a little sadly at her as he turned away. "I will be, I promise, I just need a little more time.”

The tune ended and the couple left the floor, laughing and hand in hand. His eyes definitely following them. She smiled, leaning in close so she wouldn’t be overheard. “She is one of Dain's folk, the lad is her elder brother.” Dis watched the tips of his ears turn pink and knew she had guessed correctly. He bowed his head and busied himself filling his water glass. Dis looked towards the girl and patted his arm. “There's no need to be embarrassed. It’s perfectly natural to start taking an interest at your age.”

“Amad.”

“Why don't you ask her to dance?”

“Amad.” It was almost a growl that time.

“Fine, fine. Then I will say nothing more on the matter. Will you at least dance with me?” She stood and held out her hand, smiling as he pushed himself to his feet obediently and tucked her hand into his elbow.

Dis heart swelled with pride as he led them out onto the floor. She could feel all eyes on them, on her handsome son. “I was only teasing,” she whispered. It was only a partial lie. A year ago, Dis thought, I would have thought it a fine joke if someone had so much as mentioned that my boy might be old enough to marry. Now she and Thorin were finding themselves seriously discussing options, heads together, tucked away in his study. Detailing the merits of this dam over that one.

A marriage will settle him, they told each other. Tether him to us and to Erebor, stop his eyes and heart turning west.

Dis had instructed Gimli to stay close to him, not that the lad needed much encouragement to trail after his beloved cousin. But still she feared that one morning she would wake up and he would be gone.

And likely Gimli too.

She'd asked him to report Fili's moods to her but the details were scarce and didn't fit in with her own observations. Fili was happy. He was fully content and felt fulfilled with his princely duties. He barely mentioned Kili, and never with longing. Dis strongly suspected Gimli's loyalty was no longer to her and she was only hearing what Fili wanted her to hear. She wondered if they both thought her a fool.

You've turned my spy, she thought as she smiled up at him. And you let no-one else close. “Despite what your Uncle Thorin says, you are too young yet to worry about such things. Pay me and my silly comments no mind.” Perhaps a long engagement would be more appropriate. Dis made a mental note to speak with Thorin.

Fili looked down at her steadily and she knew his mind had turned to his brother, who was also too young to be thinking of such things. Dis squeezed the heavy fabric of his tunic to let him know she understood, even if he wouldn't share this thoughts with her like he used to.

I miss you, she thought sadly as he looked away. Where is my boy? The one who kept no secrets from me, who would talk to me when he was troubled. Every moment reminded her of Kili too. The letter he had left for her had broken her heart into pieces, as she knew it would have broken his to write it.

Fili had handed it to her when she had returned to him that first afternoon, leaving her in privacy in his bedchamber to read it. She had stood over the fire reading and rereading it, her hands shaking uncontrollably. Kili's young, foolish heart poured out across the page. She decided to commit his dangerous, unguarded words to memory and crumpled the parchment in her fist, determined to burn the letter to ash.

Fili had waited for her in the adjoining chamber, looking nervous when she had emerged at last, dry eyed and demanding that he tell her everything. She had watched him carefully, the unburnt letter tucked carefully into her travel clothes over her heart, as he paced the room and told her a story. A mix of truth, lies and omissions.

Nodding along, Dis had made the right noises and let him speak, not interrupting. Disappointed that he would lie to her but not wanting to push or upset him further when he seemed so fragile. It gave her a starting point, she would unpick the rest later. There were others who would talk.

She had tracked down Molir to the kitchens, dragged him behind her into an empty storeroom and commanded he find out all he could whilst she started with Thorin.

Her brother had looked a little nervous when she swept past him and settled herself down in his study. “Dis, you must be exhausted. They are both well, surely this can-”

She held up a hand to stop him. “No, this will not wait. I intend to ride after him at first light, and I intend bring him back.”

Dis accepted the glass of wine he handed her, annoyed that her hands were still shaking. “Thank you. As you are my brother and I have never known you to be completely foolish without reason I will give you as long as it takes me to drink this wine to persuade me that I should not go. You may begin.”

“Dis.”

She took a drink. “I must warn you, I am very thirsty. And I find that I am not in a good temper, so I would be quick about it if I were you.”

Thorin settled himself into his chair and looked at her over steepled fingers. “He will not come back without her. What have you been told so far?”

“You told me he had chosen to leave, then Fili tells me there was no choice. That he has promised himself to a human girl, some sort of nonsense about a harmless traveller from some other world. Fili speaks very highly of her.” She didn't mention Kili's letter. “Ness.”

“Of course he was given a choice. He chose her. And as for a human girl." Thorin snorted. “A witch more like. Meddling and interfering with things as all her sort do.”

“Being a witch is neither here nor there so don't give me that. The problem is she is not a dwarf, and more so that she is not who you would have chosen for him. Fili told me she saved his life, is that true? He told me that she has fought and bled for you.”

“I am certain she did neither of those for me.“

“But you admit that she did do them? Then explain to me, in small words so I can understand because it has been a long and trying day, why would someone who has been so loyal to your cause be sent away in disgrace, with nothing.” Dis realised her hand had tightened around the glass and placed it down carefully on the desk, took a deep breath.

Thorin laughed but there was no humour in it. “Hardly nothing. She has Kili, like she'd always intended. He is prize enough for her.”

“Enough, I don't care about her. I care only that you sent my son away, alone and friendless. Without so much as filling his pockets with coin in return for everything he has given for you. As his reward you told him he had no family, no kin, no-”

“He's hardly friendless. He has the witch and he has Bilbo. Gandalf is with them, amongst others.”

Dis snorted.

“He could not hope for a better friend than Bilbo. He has promised me faithfully that he will look after our boy. Kili will want for nothing.”

“Except all that he has ever known. His family. His brother. His pride.” Dis resisted the urge to throw something at Thorin as he sighed heavily and massaged his temples. “Look at me, brother, and listen well. You have broken both my boys. Have you looked into Fili's eyes? That is not my son.”

The blood drained from Thorin's face as his head snapped up. “What do you mean?” he asked urgently.

“I mean that I have not seen that heartbroken look in his eyes since he was a little dwarfling. He's lost the most important person in the world to him. Again. And you have been the cause of it, again.”

“Dis, you are being-”

“No. I will not take it back. You took away my two healthy, happy, strong boys and in return you have given me-”

“Your homeland.”

Thorin flinched a little at her response to that. Dis took a deep breath and shook herself after she had finished, blinking away sudden tears.

Her fist pounded the table before she could stop it. “You promised me that you would look after him. That you would look after them both. I would never have let them go if I had thought for one-”

“Dis, you could not have stopped them, it was always going to be dangerous." He smiled and spread his hands. “Believe me, it could have been much worse.”

Dis couldn't respond, fearful that if she did she wouldn't be able to stop herself murdering him. Which would solve nothing. She lifted her glass with a violently shaking hand and took a large drink.

Thorin swept a hand over his eyes, suddenly looking exhausted. “He cannot come back, not with her. It is not our way.”

“I know that,” she snapped. “I'm not a fool. But you are king, you can-”

“No, I cannot and I will not. Don't look at me like that, sister. You know enough about ruling a kingdom. Now I am king over all and it is precarious. A house of cards. To maintain control our line must be above reproach.”

He smiled at her grimly as she glowered back at him. “You know I am right. Once I had thought to send him away because I was angry that he had betrayed me. Do not misunderstand me, for I am still angry. I was disappointed with him and I still am. He is a fool to have ever touched her.”

Dis agreed with him there.

“But it is done and he will not undo it. So now I send him away to protect him. In the Shire he will be safe and he can learn to be happy, far away from the machinations of politics and from those who would speak ill of him. Far away from those who might seek to do him harm.”

Suddenly Dis had felt overwhelmed and exhausted, she slumped back in the chair and rubbed her eyes. They felt full of grit from the road. “Does he know your reasoning? He left knowing that he is loved, Thorin?”

“I have told him my thoughts." Thorin slumped back into his chair too. He smiled sadly. “I do not think he believes me and I cannot blame him for that. He is angry with me, there has been too much hurt.”

Dis opened her mouth to interrupt and thought better of it, she would find out the detail later. She motioned for him to continue.

“I had hoped when we said our farewell in private that he would...but he spoke to me as if I were a stranger. He left me and I stood here in my study and waited, hoping against hope that the door would fling open and he would run in and bury himself against my chest. One last time.” Thorin scrubbed a hand across his face. “It has broken my heart.”

It has broken mine too, Dis thought as she pushed herself up with a sigh and went to him. “You will permit Fili to write to him at least.”

He nodded as she pressed a kiss into his hair. “Agreed, of course. Although I have a suspicion he intended to do so anyway, Fili and I are not as we once were. Tell him to be sure to write to Bilbo, not Kili. And to tell Kili to reply to Bofur or whoever Fili thinks is best. I will not stop him.”

Fili had coloured a little when she told him so Dis suspected Thorin had the right of it.

A bundle of letters had been gathered suspiciously quickly for sending to the Shire, Fili requesting that they write in Common so the witch would also be able to read them. Dis had read his letter, raising her eyebrows at a line of strange marks he explained with a warm smile were the witch's runes. She had watched him carefully as his face became animated and flushed, his eyes sparkling as he told her of hours spent teaching each other whilst he had recovered from his injuries.

She'd heard disturbing rumours. Molir ferreted them out for her.

As Fili turned her in his arms she slid her eyes around the hall searching for her captain. Spotted him standing with a ale in hand, laughing with one of Dain's men, hard at work. A whispered rumour of treason was the most recent one he'd dug up. Molir had shook his head with a smile as he told her. Assuring her that it was bound to be nonsense but that he would continue to search for someone reliable to corroborate the story, just in case.

Dis wasn't so sure.

She looked up at Fili, a small frown on his face as he concentrated on navigating them around the busy floor. He wasn't his usual deferential self with his uncle, Dis was certain something serious had happened to shift the balance of power. Both of them had been tight-lipped when she had asked them directly.

There were other rumours circulating the mountain, more salacious ones. Molir repeated them all to her, sometimes blushing a little but she insisted he hold nothing back. Kili and an elfmaid, Thorin and the halfling. Kili, Fili and the girl. All too ridiculous to be more than idle, gossipy talk. But dangerous nonetheless. It was jealously, she told Molir, only to be expected. She told him to keep reporting back every whisper he heard. The ones about Fili and the girl were by far the most numerous. It worried her and she wasn't entirely sure why. She knew they were unfounded, they couldn't possibly be otherwise.

So when Dis wrote her letter it was in Khuzdul.

Thorin had not written any.

She knew Fili had since sent a further two letters, none of which had been answered. She worried, they all did. She assured Fili over and over that either letters or Kili, perhaps even both, were likely held up somewhere in the winter storms. Dis watched him closely, making sure she joined him on any trips out of the mountain in case a moment of madness took him. Thorin had forbade Fili to contact the Mirkwood elves, or any elves, and as far as she knew he had obeyed. He couldn’t have sent a letter from Erebor without Thorin knowing but Dis felt it would be easy enough to ask the man King Bard to send it for him.

A strange friendship. She had visited with the King of Dale and his family in their modest home more than once. It made her heart a little sad to see Fili apparently relaxed and more at ease at their simple table than in his mountain home with his own people. Bard's youngsters falling over themselves to talk to him, all of them completely infatuated.

Dis kept her eye firmly on her eldest one, just in case.

One snowy afternoon they had arrived to find the Elvenking's whelp already sat at table. Dis had stood in the doorway, horrified, as her son exclaimed happily and rushed across the room to share a warm hug with the elf. Holding each other at arms length, the elf telling her boy how well he was looking.

She had heard the stories by then, but it was different seeing it with her own eyes.

Bard had smiled and drawn her fully into the room, closing the door against the cold whilst Fili proudly introduced her. The elf was all flowery words, as was the way of his kind, and she had smoothed the scowl from her face for the sake of her boy.

Reminding herself that the smirking woodland sprite had been of use to both her boys Dis bit out her thanks, which he graciously accepted with what seemed to her like a genuine smile. Then he had mentioned Kili and she had found herself sitting slowly, still in her snow dusted furs, as he told them merry tales of her son and the time he had spent in the Elvenking's halls.

The elf too had expressed worry that nothing further had been heard of Kili, offering to ask his father for permission to search as far as the shapeshifter’s lands and beyond if necessary. Dis had shook her head once at Fili as he opened his mouth, ready to accept the offer. She hadn't missed the flash of a mutinous look before he dropped his eyes to the table and obeyed her, thanking the elf with barely disguised heartbreak in his voice.

She had felt like crying then, sat at this stranger's table. Part of her wanting to beg the elf to find her son and bring him home.

Fili drew her slowly to a halt as Bofur appeared at his shoulder, whispering in his ear. “I’m sorry.” He pressed his forehead to hers and kissed her cheek, “They need me and Thorin, but Bofur will dance with you?”

Bofur winked at her and she laughed, turning away. “I think I am done dancing for now, but thank you.”

Weaving through the other couples she made her way toward Molir, his companion disappearing into the crowd as she drew closer. Side by side they watched as the musicians made space and Thorin and Fili took their places. Dis smiled as her boy lifted his fiddle and tuned up quickly before starting into the piece. His head bowed over the instrument, nimble fingers dancing on the strings. She tilted her head as she tried to recognise the melody.

“It's good, isn't it?” Molir nudged her and handed her an ale. “He's a clever one, your lad. But you already knew that of course.”

“You've heard it before? Where is it from?:

Molir nodded. "It's his own work and he wanted another ear, so he asked me and Dwalin for our opinion. Ah, there's Thorin and the others joining in now. It's very nice with everyone playing, isn't it? Very lively.”

“You and Dwalin?”

“I'm feeling a little offended by the look on your face." Molir laughed. “I may not have a note in my head, but I know a good tune from a bad one.”

“I didn't say a word.”

“You didn't need to. Anyway, he needed folk who would tell him the truth.” Molir took a mouthful of his ale. “Gimli was no good to him, Fili can do no wrong in that lad's eyes.”

Dis felt a little hurt. “I would have told him the truth, had he thought to ask me. Or had you told me."

They clapped as the tune ended. Fili stepped forward again. She listened as the first mournful notes reached them.

“Is this another new composition?” she asked.

Molir nodded and glanced at her sympathetically. “He couldn't ask you, Dis. The music is an accompaniment to songs the girl taught him.”

Dis watched Fili as he played, his eyes closed as the music soared.

“That look, Dis.” Molir nudged her. “That look is why he couldn't ask you. And I couldn't tell you because you told me to get close, which I can only do if he trusts me to respect his wishes. So you must trust me too. I will come straight to you with anything important, like i always have. Would you like my advice?"

"I'll decide when you tell me what it is."

Molir nodded with a smile. "You need to try to mask your feelings a little better. He wants to talk to you and she has been a large part of his life this last year, whether you wish it or not. He misses them both. So you need to try and make your peace with it. Ness didn't steal your son away, he went willingly.”

Dis snorted. “So everyone tells me.”

She looked around the hall, noting the approving nods as the final notes faded away and the applause began. Fili lifted his head and searched her out in the crowd, looking for approval Dis suddenly realised. She nodded and smiled warmly at him, lifting her hands so he could see her clapping.

Time will heal, she thought, I'm sure of it.

* * *

"Ness!”

Vanessa looked up at the strangled cry. The door swung open. He looked furious. “What is it this time, Bilbo?”

“Those shadows of yours. They are swirling about in my hallway. I was just putting away my umbrella.”

She grimaced, that had been a lot of pointing. Never a good sign. “Did you stand in one? I’m sorry. I’d noticed they were back, but I thought they were just under our bed.”

Setting the fiddle to one side Kili stood and padded barefoot to the door. “I’ll move the bed over to the other wall, that'll sort them out.”

Bilbo nodded his thanks and stepped into the room, standing on one leg and wiping at his foot with a hand. He nodded toward the fiddle and peeped out into the hallway, looking back to raise his eyebrows at her questioningly. Thranduil had gifted Kili the instrument but he'd barely touched it until tonight. Vanessa thought it sounded fine and had told him so, but Kili was doing a lot of cursing and stretching his fingers. She shrugged, not sure how to mime that all out.

Bilbo smiled. “I’ll put the kettle on, Marigold has baked us a pear tart. That’ll cheer him right up. I’ll go heat it up and bring be through in a bit. No, don't get up. I can manage tea and pastry." He wiped at his foot again. “Might just wash this first.” He shuddered as he left.

Vanessa turned back to the letter on her lap and ran her fingers over the familiar writing, suddenly feeling an ache of sadness. A fat tear landed on the parchment. Surprised, she dabbed at it hurriedly with her sleeve, cursing quietly when she smeared the ink a little. Mopping at her face she blew gently on the parchment to dry it.

I need to talk to him, she thought, not for the first time. He'd know what to do. He'd know just what to say to make me feel better. She looked at the now slightly blurred line of writing again sadly. Kili had asked what it meant, of course, and she'd read it for him and for Bilbo.

Just how much he missed them all, she'd told them with a bright smile. Isn't he clever?

They'd agreed and both said they wanted to learn so she had promised to teach them later and hoped they'd forget.

She was tempted to write to him and tell him everything, but he wouldn't know the words, and it wouldn't help anyway. She'd even seriously considered sending the letter like they'd practised, but wanting a hug was hardly an emergency. Vanessa closed her eyes and imagined his arms around her. His warm, reassuring presence and the steady beat of his heart calming her. If she listened really hard she could almost hear his voice.

It would just have to be enough.

She scrubbed her hands through her hair, and gave her eyes a final fierce rub as she gathered herself. Worrying won't change anything, she told herself sternly, and he'll know anyway, once Kili's letter arrives. Bilbo's neighbour had arrived with a huge stack of post that first afternoon, just as they were chasing out the last of the auction participants and the gawkers. Tucked in amongst the invitations and Yuletide cards had been three letters addressed to Bilbo in a dwarvish script. One significantly larger than the others.

Recognising the handwriting Kili had torn them open anxiously, standing in the open doorway and reading them one after the other, flipping back and forth quickly through the papers. They had stood and watched him in silence until Vanessa noticed him beginning to blink rapidly. She had touched Bilbo's arm and they had moved down the hallway and into the kitchen to give him a little privacy.

Kili had joined them after a while and set the letters down carefully on the table, smoothing them out with his hands and avoiding eye contact. “I need to write back to Fee straight away. He's worried. I should have written before.”

Vanessa reached out and touched his hand.

Bilbo had patted his other hand kindly. “Write to him tonight. We'll take it down to the inn first thing when we move the horse and ponies. Someone will be going East and will take it, I'm sure.”

Kili had nodded sadly, staring at the letters.

He had written that night after a meagre early dinner made out of their remaining supplies, curled up in one of Bilbo's comfortable armchairs, ruining several parchments with crossings out as he muttered to himself in Khuzdul. As he worked Bilbo and Vanessa sat in the other chairs, spaced around the comforting fire whilst Bilbo attempted to teach her a new card game. A civilised one, apparently.

Their first caller had arrived just before sunset, one of the neighbours. Bilbo had looked at her in horror, they had meant to run baths but lost track of time. She shrugged at him and couldn't help laughing, which upset him even more.

In the end he had answered the door as he was, in his travelling clothes, hair badly in need of a comb.

Kili hadn't done much more than look up and nod as Bilbo introduced Hamfast Gamgee, a friendly hobbit who was as embarrassed to be in Bilbo's parlour with strangers as Bilbo was to be entertaining unwashed. Although Bilbo soon perked up when he looked inside the proffered basket, sniffing appreciatively. Gathering up Kili and his papers Bilbo had towed him away to the study, waving Hamfast into the vacant chair. The sturdy hobbit had sat and stared at her curiously so Vanessa had introduced herself, since Bilbo hadn’t bothered.

The stream of visitors had continued over the following days. Vanessa was sure all of Hobbiton had called at one point or another. Most bringing baked goods of some sort. She rubbed her stomach, she'd been on a constant sugar high, which wasn't helping her anxiety levels one bit. It had seemed as if everyone wanted a look at Bilbo Baggins and his strange houseguests.

“All done.” Kili dropped a kiss on her head as he returned to his chair.

Vanessa looked at him. “You look happy.”

She watched as he thought about his answer.

“I think perhaps I am." Kili scratched at his stubble. “Or at least I will be. I've no reason not to be, have I? Erebor is reclaimed and we survived, which was far from a given. And the Shire isn't such a bad place to begin building a new life for ourselves.” He paused, swinging a leg over the arm of the chair and picking up his fiddle. “I will be happy, I promise, I just need a little more time.”

Smiling a little sadly at her he shrugged. “I think perhaps we both do. Has Bilbo recovered?”

She nodded, recognising he wanted to change the subject. It would do for now. “He’s sorting tea and heating up pastry. A pear tart this time.”

“More afters?” Kili grinned, his eyes lighting up. “I think we could get very used to it here. He'll never get rid of us if he's not careful.”

He tucked the fiddle under his chin and stretched out the fingers of his left hand, settling them on the strings. “Sing that song Fee likes, Ness. The slow one. I want to try something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are at the end, thank you so very much for reading! 
> 
> I've had a lot of fun writing this story and I really hope you've enjoyed reading it! This is the first piece of creative writing I've done in a long time (and by far the longest story I have ever written) so I really would appreciate any and all feedback that you might have for me. I'd love to hear any suggestions for improvement.
> 
> I have every intention of writing a sequel to this story, I'm drafting at the moment so all being well I should have the first chapters ready for posting in the next month or so if you are interested. 
> 
> Again, thank you so much for reading!


	66. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sequel time!

I keep adding bits to the series for this! 

The work that follows directly on from this one is 'A Traveller in the Shire' if you are interested in that.

I've also 'The Bedtime Story' which is young Fili&Kili. This is the story Kili tells Ness on her first night in Bag End. 

And I've a few one shots - 'Dwarven Bread' and 'New Year's Eve' - that are really just extra scenes between the two Traveller fics. 

There's a few extra scenes from Traveller in one of my other works 'The Kite and others'. But to be honest everything I've written to date can be tied to this series in some way. 


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